Friday, August 7, 2009
Living A Lie
I got a comment the other week that's really been annoying me. The guy who left it thinks it's sad that only 4 people in the whole world know what I do for a living and it's a shame I can't "share" with everyone.
I have since spoken with the commentor and he explained himself better, but still, I don't see the shame in any of it. I mean, all my family and friends already know that I'm a massage therapist. So what more is there to say? I spend 90 percent of my work day massaging tired, aching muscles, and only 10 percent massaging something else. How does "confessing" that extra 10% to eveyone improve my quality of life?
Does my mother need to know how I spend every second of my work day?
MOM: "So how was your day at work dear?"
ME: "Business is slow and Audrey wants us all to help paint the front lobby, but apart from that it was fine."
Isn't that basically what we all do at the end of our day? So what's the point of adding a few gory details:
MOM: "So how was your day at work dear?"
ME: "Business is slow and I got a wad of cum in my hair, but apart from that it was fine."
No one wants to hear that shit. That's what all you guys out there on the internet are for! I think it's great that I only have to worry about 4 people in my Inner Circle to say anything "compromising." And for the rest of them who think I do massages in a bikini - that's fine by me cause it's exactly what I want them to think.
And after all these years, I'm just tired of dealing with peoples reactions to what I do. Once they know about the handjob part, I'm immediately labled a prostitute, whore, skank, Ho, etc. And I thought it was hard convincing you guys out there that handjobs are where I draw the line (I think some of you guys still don't believe me). You try explaining that to a dimwitted cousin who you know will tell the entire family "Guess what! CJ's a hooker!!!"
Now when you really think about it, how many people outside of your work really truly understand what you do for a living? Do they even care? I have this 1 customer that travels all over the world doing something with electricity and satelites or something. NO ONE knows what the fuck he does - not even his wife.
So don't worry about my little circle of friends. You can't talk shop all of the time, and why would you want to?
CJ
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21 comments:
I completely agree. I've had basically the same technical job for the past 40 years writing software. Every time my mom introduces me to someone, she always says, "now, honey, what is it you do?" My grandmother went to her grave thinking I write books. She was so proud of me.
Rc.
If you're okay with it who gives a shit. Just make sure you don't have jizz in your hair when you tell someone you're a massage therapist.
True Lies:
Of course, there is a difference. While Mr. Satellite’s girlfriend or spouse may not know the technical details of what he does for a living, she does not feel threaten, jealous or have a moral problem with satellites. You have to hide your occupation from many of your personal relationships because of the stigma associated with sex work. Many providers have a difficult time finding a boyfriend/spouse who is open minded and secure enough to accept their chosen field.
Let’s not kid ourselves, massage providers as well and as most customers (the 95% who are married) are all living a lie.
That comment reads like some major paternalistic concern trolling.
I think, not that you should care what I think, that you're going about all this very sensibly, and you seem very happy and well-adjusted with regard to your work.
"Living a lie" and "not volunteering information that people will misinterpret and don't want to know about anyway" are not the same thing.
Amen Sista!!!
Well said!!!
Oh and just for the record...not ALL massage therapists are "leading a lie". I've been one for 12 years and have always been "legal" in all aspects of my business.
CJ - I often fantasize about doing what you do and I love living vicariously through your experiences.
Thanks for sharing...
There should be absolutely ZERO shame. The "stigma" as you put it should be, and would be non existent if you actually turned this into something huge. As I have said a million times, you could.
There is no stigma with porn stars because everyone assumes a) They are loaded and b) it has become widely acceptable as part of the culture.
Judgment comes when what you make financially could easily have been made selling dresses at Macy's.
The question then becomes "why prostitute yourself when you could probably make more money in a respectable business"?
I don't agree with that concept at all, but it is absolutely the truth.
Money changes everything. Money changes perception.
Now, if you continue on the road because you like it and enjoy it, then so be it. There is and should be zero shame. Your reasons for anonymity seem to be for more of a convenience than shame. Which I am perfectly in agreement with.
But your writing here is spectacular and you have a large audience that could bring you a very nice income, and possibly fame. Not that you would want that.
Heck I believe you write a lot better than Violet Blue. But that's just me. (google Violet Blue if you need to).
Either way, the most basic principle here is that it's YOUR choice. More power to you kid! Keep it up!
*laugh away CJ. I'm assuming you saw the posting mistake! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOPS!
I see no problems with what you're doing.
Very rarely do I talk shop with friends and family.
Ignore the idiots who just don't get it..
Living a lie? Who gives a shit? Mostly only boring people have fully integrated selves. I've done all sorts of stupid shit (sexual and otherwise) that I wouldn't want anyone to know about. Am I living a lie as well? I'm sure that commenter has a few skeletons in his/her closet.
Why do judgmental people feel the need to read a blog about massage parlors? Do they share their internet viewing habits with their spouses, children, or neighbors? If not, they MUST be living a lie. Spare me! CJ, just remember to never let the bastards get you down!
Oh..is that..hair gel? :)
I did the same job as you, and while I was doing it, I didn't want anyone to know.
Now that it's in the past, I'm quite open with what I used to do. There shouldn't be any shame in it.
Most people don't judge me for it, and some guys even find it a turn on that I used to be an erotic masseuse! They want me to use my skills on them, lol.
Most people are just curious as to what the job was about and what I thought of it. I've only had positive experiences with 'confessing' so far.
I love ur blog but why be embarrassed of your profession? Why dance around the truth to certain people and make a man that is trying to surprise you at work feel uncomfortable or make him sense that something is wrong by telling him not to show up there. How can you ever be close to someone hiding what you do. You will always be hiding it from any man that u may have an interst in u that doesn't know u from the parlor. Who cares that u give a few handjobs during the day. Be honest with yourself or u will never be honest with anyone else. U are living a lie and u won't find anyone that u can truly be happy with having such a secret.
if your boyfriend is not open minded enough to accept what you do for a living then he shouldn't be your boyfriend at all. and what i don't understand is that you yourself have said you wouldn't date a guy who goes to erotic massage parlors. so with those double standards mixed in with your inability to open up to a significant other, it's gonna be a lonely life if you don't change your views on things. i mean i understand not telling everybody and their mama but as anon said "u won't find anyone that u can truly be happy with having such a secret." keep in mind that most of your readers will side with you out of niceness and "support." i am not trying to tell you what you want to hear, i'm trying to be honest in hopes that maybe the truth will hit you.
Wow, some of you guys are mean.
Thanks to those of you who get what I'm talking about. It's just weird how people can become so obsessed over what you do for a paycheck (and yes - I get an hourly paycheck apart from the tips) and ignore the other 90% of what you do with your life.
And for those of you who are quick to use the word "whore" - everyone is entitled to their opinion. What I don't appreciate though, is the "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude. The world is not as black and white as you may think, and I was kinda hoping all this crap I write would help some of you realize that.
But the anonymous internet comments are nothing compared to a boyfriend screaming "whore" in a crowded restaurant 2 months after confessing what I really do for a living. That my friends is what pure honesty gets you.
No thanks! I'll take a little white lie any day! LOL
CJ
It's not about being a whore or what you do for a paycheck. It's about being honest. Why can't he visit you at work if he is in the neighborhood for lunch or stop in on Valentine's Day and surprise you? Why can't he come in for a massage by his woman for a birthday treat and perhaps meet a few of the people you work with once you get serious after a year or two? He can't because of your secret. If he can't deal with it then drop him like a bad habit. If that is what you chose as a profession then more power to you at least be honest about it.
There are plenty of celebrities that have all kinds of habits and do weird things. It's on the news for a week and sales of their movies and records decline etc. and then they are back in the spot light like nothing ever happened. People aren't so quick to judge as u keep alluding to and if they are then you don't need them in your like. I think ur life would be more fulfilling if u were honest with yourself and others.
Maybe if you were honest from the get go he wouldn't have screamed "whore" in a crowed restaurant.
Yes, I totally get what you're talking about. Unfortunately, I have ruined many relationships by being dishonest. If you're dishonest about one thing who's to say ur not about another? Once the trust is broken it is practically impossible to repair. I don't see how anyone can enjoy your company in a serious way suspecting that something is a tad askew about you. If they don't say if to your face or they seem oblivious to it, I'm sure your significant other could sense ur dishonesty. Unless, they are a complete idiot and you don't come across as being one in anyway. So I don't see you dating a complete moron oblivious to human nature, feeling, emotions etc. I don't think you're a whore. I respect your decision. I'm just giving you food for thought. I enjoy your blog and will continue to do so.
I hope I don't sound mean in any way.
PJ
Your writing is fantastic. You could easily sell this as a book. Under a pen name of course. So many people work at jobs they hate. They go to work every day to jobs that are mostly for someone else's gain and their own loss. Making a buck becomes more important than being happy. If you can make a living doing something that either helps someone be happy or gives you enough time and money to enjoy life then to hell with what anyone else says. Have fun and screw the rest.
First of all, Hi CJ! I know this is an old post but i'm reading in order. havent commented before but i got annoyed. So PLEASE JUST SHUT UP PEOPLE ITS CJ'S BLOG AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THEN GO AWAY. IF YOU HAVE TO CRITISIZE THEN THIS BLOG ISN'T FOR YOU. There, glad i got that out of my system.
btw CJ you're blog is amazing keep up the good work.
Thanks, GC85
Sorry, GC85, you're just a kiss ass.
A poster who disagrees with CJ is not only communicating with her, but with all other readers. It's not rude, like inserting yourself into a private conversation.
If she wanted to just share her one-sided point of view, CJ could write a book instead of inviting comments.
Editing out critiques would be hypocritical, and I'm glad she doesn't do it. There's always two sides to every story... at least.
To say that the dissenters should stay away, because if they don't like CJ, they can go somewhere else sounds fair enough. Until you realize that CJ claims to "educate" people about the massage world.
She could be deluded about what she does or full of shit about her co-workers, for all I care. The gossip and diary part of the blog is of no interest to me so I glance over it. It looks like it's become a soap opera for some fanboys.
But as a massage hobbyist, I look for insights and intel so when I see misleading stuff, I have to interject. Not for CJ (what are the chances of making someone change their mind or admit they're lying, especially a woman, really?), but for the rest of the readership.
The insults are uncalled for, I agree. Although they do serve a purpose. But calling CJ out on her BS is par for the course, I'm sorry.
If someone disagrees with an argument, they can always counter it, but telling someone to shut up or go away is juvenile.
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