Thursday, January 10, 2008

Massage Parlor Code Words and Lingo

Someone commented to me the other day that they like the idea of my new blog, but sometimes don’t understand the terms I use. I kinda forgot that I’m supposed to be teaching you guys this stuff, so I'll go over the basic lingo we use in the business. So here goes:

The Business” (also referred to as a “Massage parlor” or “Spa”): This is my place of employment where customers come in for a relaxing massage with a little something extra at the end. The Business should not be confused with a “Brothel” which is just sex. Believe it or not, we’re actually expected to provide quality massages here. In fact, most of the girls here are/were licensed massage therapists.

Happy ending” (also referred to as a “Release,” “Climax” or “Money shot”): These are the code words we use to talk about making a guy cum. I personally prefer the term “Release” and use it when talking to customers. When describing to newbies what I do, I find it sounds more professional to say “...I end the massage with a release,” rather than “… when I’m done I’ll jerk you off.”

There are different types of releases. The most common is the Hand Release, a.k.a. Handjob. 99% of my sessions end with this one. Another type of release is the Breast Release – also referred to by the more crass term “Tittyfucking.” Another is the Butt Release where the guy lubes up your ass cheeks and slides it between them. There are other variations, but you get the picture. I charge extra for anything other than a hand release, so I don’t get many chances to do one.

Options”: This is the term we use to describe the various ways we provide our massages. For my customers I usually offer these 3 Options: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, 3) Nude. I guess each is self explanatory. There is no real difference to the massage, its just that the guy pays according to the type of view he wants.

Therapeutic”: You could call this the “4th” option. This is a session where the man (or woman) wants nothing more than a legitimate therapeutic massage. NO HAPPY ENDING. In fact, for most of these customers, they are not even aware of our Options! You can imagine why this is our least favorite of the options since we make almost no money off these. Why do we do them you ask? Remember – WE ARE A MASSAGE BUSINESS. And sometimes you have to do what you have to do to keep up the appearance of being legitimate. A lot of these customers are locals who just have no clue, and the one thing you really can't afford to do in this business is make waves with the locals.

Customer” or “Clients”: I wanted to point out that we have customers like any other business. We do not call them “Johns” or “Tricks” or “Dates” like hookers do.

“Session” or “In Session”: This is when you’re working with a customer. I’ll say “I’m in Session…” when I’m busy with a client.

Full Service”: Sex. This is the difference between your standard massage parlor and a brothel. A woman or business that offers straight sex above and beyond a handjob is referred to as “Full Service.” It doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be offered Full Service in a massage parlor – but that’s between you and your masseuse.

Well, this is the basic lingo to get you around most businesses. If you have any questions about specific terms you’ve heard before, please ask. Happy hunting!

CJ

30 comments:

Buddy said...

What about those asian places? What do you know about them?

Ronald said...

Okay, I get the lingo, but how does everything "go down." For instance, I walk into your place and when we get into the massage room, and you explain the three different options, how do I know a happy ending goes with that? Am I supposed to ask? If I don't say anything, will you skip it? Thanks!

cj said...

Ronald,

ALL options come with a happy ending. This is true in any massage parlor. If you take no options, then you'll get a "therapeutic" massage - in which case you get no happy ending.

Now if a masseuse offers you options, you can always feel free to verify that. BUT if she offers no options and just starts with the massage - DON'T ASK! You're probably in a legitimate business, or the masseuse doesn't trust you.

CJ

Anonymous said...

What is NOVA?

John said...

THANK YOU! I've been waiting so long for one of these days.

how much do each of these options usually cost?

When exactly should i pop the question? At the front desk... In the room as I walk in... or as I lay down? How could I get my happy ending without spooking her?

Anonymous said...

CJ, I was recently at a massage establishment and ended up getting an erection during the massage.

Because the sheet was pretty thin and she was massaging my quads and groin, I'm sure it was noticeable.

The therapist asked around that time, "Are you hungry?" I said, "Yes" half hoping the question was code. She then said where are you going to eat and the conversation went on to restaurants other than once more she said, I'm sorry I made you hungry.

This was a legit place, but I wonder whether you think this conversation was about food or something else. What do you think?

Massage Lover

Anonymous said...

CJ. I have been to a Asian massage but for some reason get really nervous and cannot get an erection until she is actually starting the release. How often does this happen to you? Is it frequent? I notice it when I am nervous and develop shrinkage. :( When she leaves I try to get it going before she returns. Any advice? Any recommendations on how to relax so when its "turn over" time I can show I am ready to begin?
Thank you!

Anonymous said...

If you said ":Russian" instead of "breast release", some customers might understand better. At first I thought you meant some kinky stuff involving milk discharges from pregnant masseuses...

I've posted elsewhere about it: all that looking down on "brothels" is your deal, but the misinformation is getting old.

While it's true that SOME full service houses are just staffed by young and clumsy illegals in the case of AMPs (never saw any drugs, BTW, and I've looked at every inch of the girls' bodies so I think I'd have seen the signs), it is not the rule that you make it to be at all.
One particular brothel I spent a fortune at ONLY had licensed therapists on staff (not just a token one for cops) and hid condoms so well that they were never found during a raid. Took more than 10 years and several visits by undercovers to get it closed down. The owners think that customers or the parlor across the street ratted them out, because everything seemed legit unless you were in the know.
Their customers included cops, an attorney, actors, and a movie exec, according to one girl - you think those people get laid with junkies in flea-infested, mob-owned ratholes?

A LOT of FBSM ads are placed by LMTs and nurses who rent a trick pad with a couple of girfriends and sometimes they offer full service or tantra stuff. I'm not gonna publicize them for the curious, but escort and escort/MP review sites are full of leads.

So just because a girl sells it all, it doesn't mean she's not licensed and therefore lower than you. There.

Since I'm an asian lover I wouldn't claim that most of my FS experiences were with LMTs, however, although some had been therapists in their country of origin. But they all gave a good to very good massage, thank you. The fact that I usually want to go straight to sex with my regulars is MY choice, and that can hurt their feelings because asians could give you pointers about customer service, from your writings here. Some Koreans will even help you dress up when done, a little freaky to us westerners.

Another thing that irritates me on your blog is the mention that every act has to be discussed and that money has to be given beforehand.
In the majority of cases, legit massages to FS GFE, I have spoken very little (polite pleasantries and compliments) with asians and paid last. Could be the language barrier and shyness of the girls, but that's been part of the charm for me. The whole bargaining and planning thing is so clinical and, frankly, what you'd expect from a hooker. "Well, show me the money, honey!"
And paying last has always seemed to ensure that the girl would try to impress me, and to tailor the amount to my satisfaction level and to what actually happened during the session, which CAN be unpredictable - we're not robots.

Anonymous said...

Correction: there IS money paid upfront, at the desk, and it's the house fee. What goes on in the room, between provider and monger, is what's negotiable and unpredictable, hence my preference for tipping at the end. I've had one or two girls ask to see the green or how much I was going to tip, and I indulged them, but that's not my M.O. and the majority of asians seem perfectly fine with it.
Do business your way (I'll be the one reader to say that I hope to NEVER set foot in your parlor), but please understand that it's not the only way, or even the rule, and that those who act differently are not necessarily inferior (and drug-addicted-illegal-skanky-slaves-who-talk-funny).

Anonymous said...

CJ, I am looking for a place in San Diego that would honor this vocabulary, do you know of any?

Jeff said...

CJ, I am looking for a place in San Diego that would honor this vocabulary, do you know of any?

Anonymous said...

Do you ever get girls who want you to give them happy endings?

cj said...

No. Our female customers have no clue we also do happy endings.


cj

Anonymous said...

wow CJ you are insanely hot and funny btw.

question; i see these randon ads claiming to offer 'body to body' 'tantric' 'relaxing and sensual massage' then the last sentence will be 'this is not a sexual service'

is it a trick to send out mix signals?

Derek said...

You fucking bitch! This is Derek! I checked your computer when you went into the shower this morning. You have told total strangers everything about yourself, and here I am your boyfriend, the one you supposedly wish to keep for 1 year, the one who has satiated your vaginal deep dicking desires anytime and everytime you have craved my king size twix peanut butter, and I find out this way? That's right, it's big, long and sweet.

Since we're dishing out everything, maybe your readers would care to find out how we met. Well people, here it is...

It was a dark and stormy night. The winds were blowing due East, I was walking out of my hotel at the Abraham Lincoln on 5th on my way to Golds Gym. I was in town on business. I'm from California. Anyway, there she was at the entrance under an umbrella, nearly drenched. Hair disheveled and looking like a homeless goat. I pass her, but then I thought, maybe I can offer some help. So, I go up to her... "Excuse me, miss... I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your heart?"
She looked at me, silence... and then she burst into uncontrolled laughter spraying my face.

"Hahaha, you're a dork." she says.

"Alrighty, then. Tell you what, whoever you're waiting for isn't coming. Let's go to that Starbucks over there." I guess I'm not going to workout today. It's okay though, because it's Tuesday, and it's only biceps, triceps, and deltoids day. I didn't want to invite her into my room even though it was just there. I didn't know if she was an axe murderer. A public place with many witnesses is good just to get her out of the pouring rain so she won't get pneumonia.

"Is that right?"

"What, you're waiting for some guy you met on e-harmony. They all like long walks on the beach, and there's only a river here... hardly a beach. He's not coming."

She pauses for a moment, and flutters her eyes looking at me. It was as if she was melting. Anyway, either it's the rainwater or she's high.

We walk over to the starbucks, we order, and then she tells me her story. Bla bla bla... she finishes her drink, and all that's left in my short java chip frappucino is the whipped cream. "So... tell you what, I'll drive you home. Do you live far from here?"

"I live about 12 miles that way." She points to some vague direction to my right.

"Okay, well, let me get my keys in my room. You can come up if you'd like. I was going to take a cab to the gym."

"Sure."

So there we went.

I slide in my card key to open the door. And we go in. So I said, "Make yourself at home. I'm going to go into the restroom for a minute."

"Sure, okay."

I go into the rest room. I unbutton my jeans and then proceed to drain the Red October. There I am minding my own business, and then suddenly the door opens behind me and a hand reaches around and grips perfectly my nuclear powered submarine. Then I hear a whispering... "Shh... just relax."

Me, taken aback couldn't help but ask, "Uhm... what are you doing?"

"I'm giving you a relaxing massage."

Derek said...

"Is that right?"

"Hmm... what options would you like?"

"Options???" I turn around, and she was in her tight white short nurses' outfit wet as rain, and already partially undone.

"Yes. Would you like to see my boobs? Or maybe something more?"

At this point, I thought, I'll play along. I know Ashton Kutcher is outside with a camera crew punking me.

"Well, how about we take off all your clothes because they're all wet." Then I ease her into bed.

"Sure, why don't you take them off me?"

So I proceed to take off her nurse's hat, and then start unbuttoning her dress. And then she grabbed my hands and put them aside, "No, no no."

"But... I thought..."

"Not with your fingers silly. Take my clothes off with your teeth." I try to unbutton her clothes as instructed, and she helped a little bit. My face would occasionally rub on her nipples and feeling the soft warm caress of her breasts. I play along.

At this point, she's fully naked... and when I wasn't expecting it, she pushes me, and I fall on the bed. She jumps on me and straddles me. "Shh... just relax... and lay back."

She reaches down my black CK boxer briefs and finds the missile has been armed. She's on top of me, laying down and kisses me behind the ears... "Mmm... what is that? What are you wearing?"

"Uhm, nothing... just burberry."

"Mmm....yummy... g-r-r-o-o-w-l"

"Wait, should we be doing this? I don't even know your name."

"My name is CJ. It stands for Cum Junkie. Meow..."

So she starts stroking my cock, and I noticed she was using the ancient crouching tiger hidden dragon kung fu grip technique flawlessly. I didn't mention it and just let her keep going. At this point, I was starting to lose myself... my mind.

Like a tiger, I grab wrists, and in one motion pulled her onto the bed and turned. Her hands are pinned to the bed, and our eyes meet. Without saying a thing, I slide down slowly... she spreads her legs a little, and I get in between them. I didn't enter her... but my erect cock touch her clit.

"Oh, Derek..." she moans. "Please..."
"Please, what?"
"Please put it inside of me..."
I ignored her... I didn't put it inside... I just kept on rubbing her clit. And then she starts to make those involuntary twitches... "Ah!" short, high-pitched ahhs.

Wait... hey is there any potato chips in here?

CJ, all those times we've shared. All those times when you cried please stop just when you've orgasmed for the sixteenth consecutive time on my hard unmedicated love making magic wand and I ignored and continued on until you broke into tears in sheer ecstasy in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, in the alley behind the laundry place, I thought those were real. I thought we shared those special moments. I thought you meant it because I know I did. Now I know you were just working me.

CJ, I'm a man. I'm not just a piece of meat. I'm not just a sex toy for your utter, total, and complete satisfaction. I have feelings. I am a man. I have emotions too.

We're done. It's over. I'm leaving back for California. I am a man, CJ and I deserve better. Hear me roar! Arf! Arf!

Derek

Roar said...

Derek, you're not a man. You're an idiot.

firealarmguy84 said...

found an asian place above a truck stop but how do I know if they do happy endings or what the seceret word is

cj said...

Asian massage parlor in a truck stop? I think you answered your own question.

CJ

Anonymous said...

so i called up this asian place near my house i found on rubmaps.com and i asked if they ended their service with a 'release' and the woman had no clue what i meant...

harrisburger said...

In Harrisburg... Really struggling to find a happy ending massage.
Started on Craigslist and read a posting that I thought had all the right signs of what I was looking for.
Turned out to be a not so great massage, with a not so happy ending. The woman was middle aged and about 300lbs too.
I would have overlooked both of those things if she was exceptionally good at the ending, but she acted like I was a pervert when I asked about it.

I really don't want to keep paying people in HOPES they will pan out. If someone knows where I can get what I'm looking for, I sure would appreciate the tip.

For the record: I'm a 40 year old, married, handsome, clean, super nice guy. Not a creeper.
Could be a regular customer if I find the right girl.

Ran said...

Hey, found ur blog today I guess u could call me another "fan"

 I know your out of the "business" and you have a lot to deal with but I wanted to twist your arm for a little advise, if I may? 

First I wanted To share alittle first. I hope you take this in a respectful way. I wanted to say after reading alot of your blog, starting in 07 reading, you sounded ok with the work you are doing, til now you sound like u have some  moral issue or maybe it caused you a lot of mental stress. But you are LMt you sound like you give one hell of a massage and work hard for your money. If you get some nice respectful Clients u offer them options, you sound like you handle it very professional, I see it as going above and beyond your job.   But from the outside almost looks like you have gone beyond too many times for people who haven't treated you like a professional.  Just by reading the blog I can tell you can read people and not once have seen you complained about the massage part of the work. Maybe just re-look at who those above and beyond clients should be, well not just maybe, that's just being respectful to yourself. If this is time for you to move on then do you need to stay happy, but don't let some assholes drive you away. Your way too good for this business to let some dumb person get to you. 

 I wanted to share alittle about me and what led me to finding this hunt to find the lmt that gets paid in tips. 

I'm a workalcohcolic, after the last two years of many rough months I have pushed though all the bs the world has thrown my way. I have became very sick for nine months I have been battling extreme fatigue and dizziness, let's get to the point, with the chonic back pain I have. I got curious for massage to deal with pain. Now I'm thinking can't I get both, release to do away with undo stress and be able to relax. I have thought of it, but approaching the situation i couldn't just go and expect some cute girl to do a full service I'm not disrespectful. 

Now for alittle advise I want to make sure I have all this clear so I'm not getting a massage and acting like a disrespectful ass. So....
Get scheduled 
To the room talk about general life and enjoy her company then and if I'm given options (normally sometimes on return visits, after two move on)
1. Topless 2-3 so on 
Pick 
And 1-3 gets a finish and 4 nothing ... 
Just need to make sure I'm offered a option, which I'm lost how that will come up. 
I do tip well, I like to take care of good people. 


Thanxs for the advise, I'm sure you will start that tanning business. You have that professional attitude.

Anonymous said...

I found this site to be very informative, but unfortunately, none of it seems to apply in Harrisburg, PA.

I guess I would need to travel for it to be possible...

Either that or I'm really having bad luck with your suggestions.

Anonymous said...

For those of you looking for a real fbsm you may want to see if there is a myredbook.com in your area. I find it to be an effective way to know what I am getting into before I pay for a massage without the "release". Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Men... she charges way too much...go to a asian massage parlor...not a brothel but one that does the exact same thing she does at a fraction of the cost...and that is why she is so against them...not for illegal trafficking etc but they are competition... learn how to safe time and money getting your happy Ending @ www.parlorguide.com

Anonymous said...

How do i know if the place is actually giving hand jobs or blow jobs, or if its a legit business?

Anonymous said...

@anonymous visit http://www.rubmaps.com .. it has reviews

Adult Sex Toys said...

really good post (and I love your blog too). I had no idea about the terminology. I love massages and don't really mind what you call the "finale" ;)

xxx

claverboy07 said...

So it is a federal crime to blur out a face,
remove tats and add writing on a photo that may be used for an escort ad? You've got to be kidding. Then there are thousands of guilty parties out there if that is the case.

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Anonymous said...

Is there an age limit? Cause I went to this one asian massage place, and she asked how old I was. I wasn't sure about any age limits so I said 19. She said come back in a couple years. Then I found another place. I said I was 21 and I got in. Happy ending from there