Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Asian Massage Parlors

I finally got my first question the other day - it’s about time you guys started asking me stuff since I really don’t even know where to begin. So you wanna know about the Asian places, huh? Well that reminds me about what my co-worker Katy and I were talking about last night.

In our area of the state, we get a weekly rag called the Weekender. You’ve probably seen them – they’re given away free in grocery stores and gas stations. Mostly they cover local concerts, politics, movies etc. But if you look in the back pages, you’ll find all sorts of ads for strip clubs, massage parlors, and in some cities escort agencies. Periodically we scan the ads to see how the local competition is doing or if there’s a new shop in town.

There are always ads for the local Asian places. They usually go by the name of “Sauna,” “Spa” or “Accupressure.” Tip for you guys – any place that says accu-pressure is a code word for massage parlor. On the flip side – if you go to any place that says accu-puncture – don’t bother asking the 70 year old Chinese guy who works there for a happy ending.

The Asian places differ from other massage parlors in only a couple ways. First – they usually offer a “Table Shower” or “Body Shampoo.” This is where they lay you on a table in a giant shower stall, and scrub you from head to toe. Then they sometimes stick you in a sauna for a few minutes before taking you to the massage room. Keep in mind that all this pampering is taken out of your 60 minute session. What I hear from my customers is that the massage rooms always look like seedy little bedrooms instead of legit businesses with real massage tables. I have also heard from my customers that most of them are full service. Occasionally you’ll find one that’s happy ending only, but you can’t tell the difference from just looking through the window.

One way to find out if a massage business is full service is to have a female call them and ask for an appointment (or ask for your “wife”). They will make some lame excuse why they’re not taking appointments if they are full service. Happy-Ending-Only places may take the appointment if they need to appear legit. Sometimes we like to screw with the Asian places by calling them and trying to make appointments. We’ll keep insisting on coming in till they hang up on us.

This brings us to last night. Katy and I were paging through the new Weekender when we see a new ad for an Asian massage parlor. Sometimes these “new” ones are just name changes after a police bust or new owner. Anyway, Katy calls them up and the conversation went something like this:

Asian Lady: “He-whoa. Orientow Sauna.”
Katy: “Yes, I’d like to make an appointment for a massage.”
Asian Lady: “Uh… no one ear now. You call back lay-wer.”
Katy: “But I’d really like to make an appointment.”
Asian Lady: “Uh… we booked for month. Call back lay-wer.”
Katy: “What kind of services do you offer?”
Asian Lady: “No one ear now. Goo-bye.”

Keep those questions coming!! Bye for now.

CJ

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am confused. I went to a massage parlor the other day, and was greeted by a half naked asian woman. I pay fod my massage, and the entire time she was rubbing me, she was also flaunting her breasts and even once rubbed them on my face. Once she was done, she helped me dress, and had a look on her face that meant that she wanted a tip. I thought at this point I would recieve my happy ending. I tipped her very well,expecting something in return. I got nothing. I never actually asked, but I did not think that, that was etiquette. What should I do differently next time?

Thanks,

Left hanging

Anonymous said...

This guy has it right!

http://jeromejerome.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/asian-massage-parlors/

Anonymous said...

CJ you are sooo racist. It's 2010. Do you do blackface?

Anonymous said...

Anon of 12/7/09 1:13 AM looked or acted like a cop.
Or the place was just a tease: "sexy" massage from a pretty girl, but no action. Some Asians do that - they learn from us and our women.
Or the place normally does provide extras, but was playing it safe due to recent police crackdowns or neighborhood complaints.

You just never know what you're gonna get. Bring enough money for a nice time and be open for anything, that's what I do, but we all have experiences like that guy.
Worst case scenario, you get a massage!

Anonymous said...

Here in So Cal all the MP's are Asian or Latinas but mostly Asian. The white girls are the hookers.

I have never seen a Asian girl who was a sex slave. Most of them work at a MP to pay for college or beauty school or just to pay thier bills like you do. What a racist and don't talk about something you know NOTHING about. OK?

Anonymous said...

How about russian MP's. Places in my area are 99% AMP's with a couple of russians.

Anonymous said...

Yeah ... what a totally misinformed and ignorant blog post. Are some AMPs (Asian Massage Parlors) run by this so called "mob" or "mafia" (Korean or Chinese)? Certainly ... but I've never seen one. I can speak with authority as I've mongered at AMPs all over the country for 15+ years during my business travels. I've visited many of these AMPs repeatedly and visited the same girls repeatedly for years often. I've had casual platonic AND romantic (i.e., no money exchanged ... except for quite often expensive watches and gifts given to me) relationships several times with these girls outside the spa. Some lasting years. Here is the kicker ... I ended up meeting the love of my life at one and we've been married for 6 years now. We now own our own spa. We are not mafia or mob affiliated and we know of NONE that are. During my mongering years NOT ONCE was ANY of them controlled by anyone else but themselves. Here is how 99.9% of AMPs work (90% of which are Korean). They are owned and run by former providers themselves (and some still actually work there too). All these Korean women know each other (almost literally) and work on a connection basis in terms of getting providers to work a "shift" at their spa. Working girls and AMP owners are all Korean women and they all work together in a mutually beneficial "organized" manner. There is no mob. There is no force involved. It is all voluntary. The typical provider will work a month or so at a spa and then take several months or more off (after making maybe 15,000 - 20,000 CASH). They live normal lives "back home" as they virtually ALWAYS work in cities that are not their home city. They have families (husbands, kids, parents). Are quite often quite conservative in their outside life. They have no sexual "hang up" per se ... as do most western women regarding sex. So ... yes ... the Korean women often stay at the spa during their entire rotation. This is not becuase they are captive. It is because it is sort of protocol. It is cheaper for everybody, more comfortable, and safer as the girls are not coming and going a lot. Quite often the manager (mamasan) and the girls will go to dinner or shopping or whatever after closing. They DO NOT see customers outside (i.e., out call).

Enough with my rant ... but let me finish by saying one last thing. IMHO your "rant" against these AMPs is a result of either ignorance or jealousy (or both).

... and how childish of you to make fun of someones accent/difficulties in our native tongue. Can YOU speak KOREAN? Even a single word? I didn't think so.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about the haters, I didn't see anything offensive in your summation. I've been to at least hundreds of amps all across the country multiple times and while there are a few that aren't like you describe, most absolutely are. Sorry we never met (at least I don't think so ;)), you sound like you would have been a lot of fun.

Anonymous said...

Once i went to this place and i received more than a happy ending but of course these are in asia :) Asian Spa - Green Herbal

Anonymous said...

I have been to many ATM's in this country and Asia. The one thing I like is the massage itself, very good most of the time. About 10% make me cum without ever touching my dick. About 15% just do a HJ at the end without asking, about 40% sort of point and ask OK?. 30% ask how much tip, what you want? and the other 5% ignore your hard on. In Asian culture the release is part of the treatment for your health, so it is part of the deal most of the time. I also have gone to the same places for years, nobody is being held captive. They make their money, go back to China, Korea for a few months, come back and work when they want. I know some are full service but that does not make any difference to me, it is really the style massage I like, and the table showers can be very relaxing, I would rather have that than a topless massage, after all, you are face down for the most part. Now, I really enjoy the blog, so keep it up! just trying to give my perspective of AMP!

Anonymous said...

Uh, I've only been once. Walked in door. She got me naked...we fucked for an hour then I left. That sums it up fellas. Blow, pussy, anal...all of it. $40 to the madam then the rest to the girl. many to choose from

Anonymous said...

Hey, CJ. I'd like you to peer review a little (i.e. half-assed) experiment I ran on a local AMP. For my first visit, I went almost full newbie. Perhaps the only things I didn't intentionally sabotage were my method of payment (I paid cash; there are people who can access my bank statements) and I did not blatantly request a happy ending (because I'm a scientist, not an asshole). On my list of things-to-do-in-order-to-screw-this-up-as-much-as-possible were 1.) walk in without an appointment one hour before close; 2.) announce my newbie status for all to hear; 3.) take a reaaaaally long time prepping; 4.) no banter; 5.) no teasing; and 6.) no tipping prior to the actual massage. I was helped out, however, by an unattractive masseuse with really long acrylic nails and barely enough fluency to even answer a phone. It was a terrible experience. I had to ask her to back off numerous times, and she didn't flip me. I prayed to God the scratches wouldn't be too red. The whole time she panted and puffed and bitched about how exhausted she was. Anyway, I tipped this disaster 10 bucks for a 60 dollar, 1 hour massage. She was pissed, and I bounced. Two weeks later, I went back. I scheduled a Sunday afternoon massage and hour in advance and showed up 10 minutes early. The were surprisingly busy; I could hear at least two guys getting smacked. I was told to wait, and the receptionist (30s again, but much, much more attractive) took me back to an armchair in a backroom. It turned out to be a 20 minute wait. To my great joy, the sexy receptionist returned and led me to a table, and told me to undress, which I (promptly) did. She returned and covered me up. Before we began, I whipped out (wait for it) 50 bucks and said, "This is for you." She thanked me, and then proceeded to give me an amazing "massage." I quote that because it was more like foreplay that anything else. She climbed up on the table with me and basically rubbed my ass for 50 minutes. The banter was good and she was fluent, and despite her having to rush to the lobby to answer the phone or usher in a client every five minutes, I was actually not too pissed about it. Finally, I was hard enough that I had to adjust. This seemed to catch her attention because after that innocent little gesture, my balls got more and more attention until - finally - she said, "Ok turn over, baby." By then, I was like the fucking Burj Kahlifa. But I did as I was told. She Got a bottle of oil and said, "I never do this, but you can." I asked why not, but she demurred, so I accepted and began jerking off. She kept rubbing my legs, staring at my handi-work (pun intended), biting her lips and complimenting my size (ain't she sweet?) and then...she stuck her finger up my ass. Surprised (pleasantly), I kept going and a minute later, I blew it. She wiped me down with a hot towel, and then went back to massaging my arms and head for about 10 more minutes. She said, "Ok, we're done, baby." I got dressed while she cleaned up, and as I left she gave me a big hug...and pinched my ass. I left, vowing to request her again.

So, what do you think? I'll have to run several more tests to get a large enough pool of data and then correlate the variables like time of day and things like that, but I'd say your etiquette rules work pretty well. Thanks!