Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Basic Massage Parlor Tips for Newbies
I love this time of year. The freakin snow is finally gone. The weather is getting warmer. And guys are finally coming out of winter hibernation and visiting The Business. Of course it helps that everyone is just now getting their tax refunds.
We've also seen a wave of newbies just over the last 2 weeks. I was wondering where all these new faces have been hiding and Trina half jokingly blamed my blog. Now that's an unpleasant and scary thought. I mean we could really use the business right now, but I'm still terrified of meeting guys who have found me off the internet.
Luckily, none of theses newbies have said anything. One of the first things I ask a new customer is "where did you hear about us?" Most of them either saw our recent ad in the weekly entertainment rag, or heard about us from a friend. But what I really wanted to talk about today is all the newbie mistakes they keep making! I mean it's been so bad that I didn't even offer options to a number of guys recently, and I actually had to throw two customers out!
So what I want to talk about today is...
Basic Massage Parlor Tips for Newbies
Several of my early blog posts cover this topic, but I wonder if any of you new readers have even bothered to look at the old stuff. A lot of good info in there guys. But consider today a sort of refresher.
Tip #1 - Don't ask about options on the phone.
This also applies to the front desk. I don't know how many time I've had to hang up on guys, or ask them to leave. Under no circumstances ask what's going to happen in the room - until you're in the room. Period. Don't call up and ask "Hey - how much for a handjob?" or "Can I get a happy ending here?" Our basic policy is to immediately explain that we are not that kind of place, then end the conversation.
For some of you new guys, I know it can be frustrating and intimidating not knowing if you're in an actual massage parlor or not. But this is a leap of faith that you have to make. Once in the room, your masseuse may reveal that she offers "clothing options" at the beginning of the massage (like me). If she does, then you're getting a happy ending - guaranteed. You don't need to ask! I can't say this too many times - I don't remove my top for therapeutic reasons.
If she doesn't offer to disrobe at the beginning, then she might just offer a happy ending at the very end of your session. But bringing it up outside the room is just in poor form and will probably get your ass thrown out. DON'T DO IT.
I had to throw out a couple of newbies for this just recently. These guys would not stop asking about options while standing at the front desk. If I think you're just being naive because you're new, I'll tell you to ask again in the room (HINT: If you ask about a happy ending and you DON'T get thrown out, you're gonna get a happy ending).
Tip #2 - Don't assume we're full service
Just because I'm naked and working your junk with my hands doesn't mean I'm THAT kind of girl. Hey - what do you expect? This is a MASSAGE PARLOR, not a brothel. But really, if you want to know what I am willing to do just ask. The polite way to find out if a masseuse will suck your cock is "Excuse me, but are you full service?" I am totally NOT offended by this question, and actually appreciate you bringing it up so I can talk about what I am willing to do in the room.
To be honest, it's not the assuming that really bothers me, it's when a customer immediately becomes all hands. We HATE grabby guys. I allow most customers to touch within reason, but you have to ask first. And if a newbie just won't take "no" for an answer, I'll end the session and throw his ass out.
I had to do that with a newbie last week. I don't mind a customer squeezing my ass, and will even encourage it during the happy ending (makes things go quicker). But this newbie would not stop trying to finger me. So I eventually just stopped, backed away from the table and said "we're done."
I have a 3 strikes and you're out policy. First strike is a warning. Second strike is stop touching me at all. Third strike is your ass out on the street. And this asshole had 2 warnings before I ended the session.
Tip #3 - Relax
As a newbie you may not get lucky the first time. Remember - we're as nervous around you as you are with us. We need to get a good vibe from a customer before we'll offer options. I know it doesn't help that you newbies are nervous enough already, but just relax, and be cool and you'll have a good time. At the very least, you'll get a nice relaxing massage and the promise of "more" when you come back later.
Take for example this guy who asked too many questions at the front desk. I told him to save it for the room, and he did. BUT, once in the room he was all "Will you do this?" and "How much for that?" and "What about the other girls?" I mean it starting to feel more like an interrogation than a negotiation to get his dick rubbed. I started to get a really weird vibe off the guy, so I switched over to my therapeutic mode, ended all my answers with "...so I've heard," and offered him NOTHING. I didn't even unzip my hoodie. Sure, I may have lost a tip but this guy totally made me nervous.
Trina said she's gotten the same 3rd degree lately. If anything you can't blame that behavior on ANY of my readers, right guys? Now go on out there and cash in those refund checks! You deserve a little treat after handing over all your money to Uncle Sam last year.
See ya this weekend!