Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Basic Massage Parlor Tips for Newbies


I love this time of year. The freakin snow is finally gone. The weather is getting warmer. And guys are finally coming out of winter hibernation and visiting The Business. Of course it helps that everyone is just now getting their tax refunds.

We've also seen a wave of newbies just over the last 2 weeks. I was wondering where all these new faces have been hiding and Trina half jokingly blamed my blog. Now that's an unpleasant and scary thought. I mean we could really use the business right now, but I'm still terrified of meeting guys who have found me off the internet.

Luckily, none of theses newbies have said anything. One of the first things I ask a new customer is "where did you hear about us?" Most of them either saw our recent ad in the weekly entertainment rag, or heard about us from a friend. But what I really wanted to talk about today is all the newbie mistakes they keep making! I mean it's been so bad that I didn't even offer options to a number of guys recently, and I actually had to throw two customers out!

So what I want to talk about today is...

Basic Massage Parlor Tips for Newbies

Several of my early blog posts cover this topic, but I wonder if any of you new readers have even bothered to look at the old stuff. A lot of good info in there guys. But consider today a sort of refresher.

Tip #1 - Don't ask about options on the phone.
This also applies to the front desk. I don't know how many time I've had to hang up on guys, or ask them to leave. Under no circumstances ask what's going to happen in the room - until you're in the room. Period. Don't call up and ask "Hey - how much for a handjob?" or "Can I get a happy ending here?" Our basic policy is to immediately explain that we are not that kind of place, then end the conversation.

For some of you new guys, I know it can be frustrating and intimidating not knowing if you're in an actual massage parlor or not. But this is a leap of faith that you have to make. Once in the room, your masseuse may reveal that she offers "clothing options" at the beginning of the massage (like me). If she does, then you're getting a happy ending - guaranteed. You don't need to ask! I can't say this too many times - I don't remove my top for therapeutic reasons.

If she doesn't offer to disrobe at the beginning, then she might just offer a happy ending at the very end of your session. But bringing it up outside the room is just in poor form and will probably get your ass thrown out. DON'T DO IT.

I had to throw out a couple of newbies for this just recently. These guys would not stop asking about options while standing at the front desk. If I think you're just being naive because you're new, I'll tell you to ask again in the room (HINT: If you ask about a happy ending and you DON'T get thrown out, you're gonna get a happy ending).

Tip #2 - Don't assume we're full service
Just because I'm naked and working your junk with my hands doesn't mean I'm THAT kind of girl. Hey - what do you expect? This is a MASSAGE PARLOR, not a brothel. But really, if you want to know what I am willing to do just ask. The polite way to find out if a masseuse will suck your cock is "Excuse me, but are you full service?" I am totally NOT offended by this question, and actually appreciate you bringing it up so I can talk about what I am willing to do in the room.

To be honest, it's not the assuming that really bothers me, it's when a customer immediately becomes all hands. We HATE grabby guys. I allow most customers to touch within reason, but you have to ask first. And if a newbie just won't take "no" for an answer, I'll end the session and throw his ass out.

I had to do that with a newbie last week. I don't mind a customer squeezing my ass, and will even encourage it during the happy ending (makes things go quicker). But this newbie would not stop trying to finger me. So I eventually just stopped, backed away from the table and said "we're done."

I have a 3 strikes and you're out policy. First strike is a warning. Second strike is stop touching me at all. Third strike is your ass out on the street. And this asshole had 2 warnings before I ended the session.

Tip #3 - Relax
As a newbie you may not get lucky the first time. Remember - we're as nervous around you as you are with us. We need to get a good vibe from a customer before we'll offer options. I know it doesn't help that you newbies are nervous enough already, but just relax, and be cool and you'll have a good time. At the very least, you'll get a nice relaxing massage and the promise of "more" when you come back later.

Take for example this guy who asked too many questions at the front desk. I told him to save it for the room, and he did. BUT, once in the room he was all "Will you do this?" and "How much for that?" and "What about the other girls?" I mean it starting to feel more like an interrogation than a negotiation to get his dick rubbed. I started to get a really weird vibe off the guy, so I switched over to my therapeutic mode, ended all my answers with "...so I've heard," and offered him NOTHING. I didn't even unzip my hoodie. Sure, I may have lost a tip but this guy totally made me nervous.

Trina said she's gotten the same 3rd degree lately. If anything you can't blame that behavior on ANY of my readers, right guys? Now go on out there and cash in those refund checks! You deserve a little treat after handing over all your money to Uncle Sam last year.

See ya this weekend!

CJ

14 comments:

Thrush said...

When I first discovered your blog, I did spend time going through the back log. In fact, I think I read every one of your previous posts, on work time of course. I enjoy your stories and your writing. Keep em coming ... both literally and figuratively.

Melissa Blade said...

C.J.,

This is a fabulous post and I wish every guy getting a FBSM would read it. I had a gropey guy yesterday that I had to give 2 warnings...tried to finger me from just a topless massage. I guess I should have just thrown his old ass out but I cut to the happy ending aobut 15 minutes early to get him out of there. xoxo Mel

Anonymous said...

Hey CJ,

Cool blog. You write well. Rightly or wrongly, I was surprised. =)

Check out this situation. I went to backpage.com today and found an ad that said two new girls in town. It was under "escort" and not "back rub" but still, I assumed it was a massage and they just advertised everywhere. I also assumed it was the usual massage parlor business, the ones in the mini malls invariably next to many places to be seen. With the walk of shame past cafe diners to follow. So I called the number and the girl told me to go to this one intersection and call her. So I arrived at the intersection, which is in a busy part of town, and she told me a street address at one of the streets that runs into the intersection. I arrived at the address, which was a random one-story building that said something-something, MD or DDS. I called again, and she said come across the street to this massive apartment complex. Then she gave me a code and the apartment number. To be honest, I was relieved it wasn't a business. It would be hard to sting this place. I took the elevator up, walked to the apartment number, opened the door, and was met by a girl in her early 20s it seemed. Actually, when the door opened nobody appeared, and it took her a few seconds to appear from behind the door. She took me to one of two bedrooms. Mind you, she was wearing a short skirt and a bra when she opened the door. She immediately hugged me and felt my muscles blah blah. She asked how she could help me or what I wanted. I forget which. I had 120 in cash so I just held it up, like a fan, and told her to take what she felt was appropriate. Now mind you again, the posting on backpage.com didn't mention any prices for various times. She said 160 for one hour. I told her I wanted a half-hour massage, and she took the 120. No talk of sex or full-service or blow job or anything. I would never pay for sex.

Anonymous said...

She left the room, with the money. Didn't say anything about getting comfortable. I've done this several times before with others, but it's been years. I took off my shirt, shorts, and underwear, and went to lie on the bed, chest down. She returned and promptly took off her shirt and skirt. She got on the bed and started rubbing my calves, thighs, back, shoulders, and arms. But, and here's the but, this massage lasted literally, honest-to-God, about twenty seconds before she told me to turn over. She kept saying you're a very handsome guy. She proceeded immediately to put lotion in my left hand, and told me to rub my hands together. I actually didn't do anything with the lotion but I assumed, after-the-fact, that it was for fingering her? Then she invariably starts jerking me off, which I expected, but not this soon. Then about thirty seconds later she started giving me head, no condom of course. And jerking me off. So a blow job. And kept this up for a couple minutes. Then she stopped, sat back, and started rolling a condom on my dick. Then she said, "Wow, that is a big dick. Very big." Now, my dick is not porn-star big, but it's about 7. 7 feet that is. No, not feet. So she left and scampered to the bathroom for a few seconds, and came back. She immediately straddled me and tried to guide my dick into her pussy. Now, honestly, all I really wanted was a legitimate massage and a blow job, or in the very least, a hand job. She kept trying to force her pussy on my dick, lightly and playfully, but I told her not this time, with a smile of course. So she took off the condom and started to blow me and jerk me off again. Then we started kissing, with tongue, and she licked my nipples and I played with hers. With the condom off she tried again, playfully, to mount me but I declined. So she continued jerking me off, and I told her I wanted to cum in her mouth, which she declined. Then I asked if I could cum on her chest, which she said was fine. So we reversed positions, and I came onto her chest. She told me I had a big load. She kept licking my nipple when I was trying to cum. I kept thinking that the cum would drip down into her pussy and potentially get her pregnant, which is my worst fear. We cleaned up the cum pretty good, and she jumped up, went to the bathroom, and sprayed something on her chest. I followed her. She jumped in the shower and I told her I just wanted to wash my hands and dry off my dick a little more (well I didn't actually say that second part). She took the shower head and it looked like she started spraying it in her pussy, really trying to clean it. Though it could've been her chest/stomach as I obviously didn't cum in her. I went back, put on my shorts and shirt, and she put on her skirt and top. She was talking to someone on the phone right then, half on the bed, in Chinese. She hugged me again, kissed me, and told me to call her next time on her number or, in the alternative, to ask for her on the regular number. She opened the door and I saw another girl, naked, walking in the living room. This other girl was much hotter in my opinion. Taller, with big tits, and spoke flawless English. And young. My girl spoke sub-par English, was shorter, and had small to average tits, nowhere near the other girl. Which sucked because I was under the impression when I opened the door there would be some older lady, a mamasan, who would let me pick or something. My girl said the other girl was new. When I was putting on my shoes, I was talking to the other girl, who was naked, big tits hanging out, behind the counter-bar area of the apartment kitchen. She said she lived in New York previously.

Anonymous said...

Any thoughts on any of this? Also, why wasn't there a mamasan or something? My girl just opened the door. Honestly, at first, I thought she might be the mamasan, but she looked too young to be one. And her short skirt and top gave it away. Is this normal for a guy to get a "massage" by whoever happens to answer the door or the phone? I assume my girl was the one talking to me on the phone. Ah, I really wish I had a massage by the other girl. My girl was too petite. The other girl was big tits.

CJ, I was honestly looking for an American girl, but in this part of the country, Southern California, it's much harder to find. I found one who said she was out of town for another week and another only did outcalls, though the one that does outcalls is half Asian-half white and is exactly my type. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a thing for Asian girls. I prefer white girls, but it's harder to find here, at least within reasonable rates. So how would I be able to see that other Asian girl with big tits without offending this girl who gave me a massage? My girl asked if I had a boyfriend and seemed to really like me, though I would never date her. How do I call in and get that other big-tit girl if my girl answered the phone when I called today? Also, and perhaps more importantly, how can I get an outcall if I live at home? I'm not a loser -- I hope -- who has lived at home since high school. I have a professional career. I live at home because I like it and it saved me a lot of money. At the moment, I don't think I have time for a girlfriend, which is why massage might come in handy. But my worst fear is that somehow I'll cum in one of these massage girls and she'll get pregnant. And when the girl is originally from China or another country it really makes me nervous. Assuming she's not a US citizen or legal resident, you think she'd try and get knocked up in order to have a kid and stay?

Sorry for the onslaught of story and questions. I just got back and have a lot on my mind

Anonymous said...

(This part should have been first. Not sure why it didn't show up. Thought I saved it properly.)

Hey CJ,

Cool blog. You write well. Rightly or wrongly, I was surprised. =)

Check out this situation. I went to backpage.com today and found an ad that said two new girls in town. It was under "escort" and not "back rub" but still, I assumed it was a massage and they just advertised everywhere. I also assumed it was the usual massage parlor business, the ones in the mini malls invariably next to many places to be seen. With the walk of shame past cafe diners to follow. So I called the number and the girl told me to go to this one intersection and call her. So I arrived at the intersection, which is in a busy part of town, and she told me a street address at one of the streets that runs into the intersection. I arrived at the address, which was a random one-story building that said something-something, MD or DDS. I called again, and she said come across the street to this massive apartment complex. Then she gave me a code and the apartment number. To be honest, I was relieved it wasn't a business. It would be hard to sting this place. I took the elevator up, walked to the apartment number, opened the door, and was met by a girl in her early 20s it seemed. Actually, when the door opened nobody appeared, and it took her a few seconds to appear from behind the door. She took me to one of two bedrooms. Mind you, she was wearing a short skirt and a bra when she opened the door. She immediately hugged me and felt my muscles blah blah. She asked how she could help me or what I wanted. I forget which. I had 120 in cash so I just held it up, like a fan, and told her to take what she felt was appropriate. Now mind you again, the posting on backpage.com didn't mention any prices for various times. She said 160 for one hour. I told her I wanted a half-hour massage, and she took the 120. No talk of sex or full-service or blow job or anything. I would never pay for sex.

Anonymous said...

Also, CJ, didn't you write a post previously for newbies? Is it just me or does this look similar?

I haven't done the massage thing in a few years like I said. Before, I would pay about 40-70 bucks for half-hour sessions. I've been to five previous massauses, all working out of apartments. Why don't you guys do this CJ? It feels much more discreet. One girl gave me a hand job but said next time a hundred for fucking. Remember, I don't pay for sex. She wasn't my type anyway. Two other girls seemed to dance their hands around my dick, never actually jerking me off. One helped put my dick back in my underwear though. A third offered sex but I just took a blowjob, handjob, and fingered her. None of those girls were really my type. The fifth girl was my regular. She would give me sessions for 30 bucks, though I was a bit naive then, and probably should have paid more. I paid her for massage only. But I also massaged her, fingered her, and fucked her, with two condoms. Does it all depend on how much money you donate to them? Oh yes, the girl today used that word "donation". I don't want to be cheap and I'm not made of money at the moment hah but what would 120 bucks typically result in? Remember, I didn't see a mamasan though there could have been one in the living room behind these Asian fold-up walls.

Erotic Massage said...

Erotic massage is an art!

bluekerton22 said...

Hey CJ,

Never miss your blog--and I've been meaning to ask these couple questions.

1. How often do you *actually* get turned on during a session? If you're looking for ideas for your next story, I strongly recommend something about that.

2. How many guys are "groomed"? Like, what percent are shaved, trimmed, not at all?

Anonymous said...

Do parlors that service women exist?

abby said...

I wish more men would read this, it's so frustrating dealing with that crap, and it can be a tough decision between kicking out an asshole and losing a tip or dealing with their stupidity to make a few bucks

Reeceloui said...

Hege give good story of eascort matter. I like to rad them. This is really hot and sexy.

Paris escort

Anonymous said...

Learn how to safe time and money getting your massage and Happy Ending @ www.parlorguide.com

Anonymous said...

I have a great relationship with the older asian woman at my local parlor she treats me well great massage and a little treat at the end . how do i find an merican place to feel the same