Spring Cleaning

The weather down here has been gorgeous this week, with the exception of the occasional thunderstorm. It's been so nice that we've even broken out the folding chairs so we can sit outside during breaks. The back parking lot is quiet, so that's where we sneak away to smoke (or "tanning" breaks if you're Trina).

Since it's been so warm out, I decided to start doing spring cleaning around here. Hey - I'm still the acting manager. But it's not that bad. We cranked up all the radios, opened up the doors and tried to get some fresh air in here.

Now you can learn alot about a masseuse by how messy her session room is. Mine wasn't too bad. But when we moved the massage table, we found a whole family of dust bunnies living underneath it. Lucky for me, there was nothing incriminating under there - unlike some people.

Audrey's room hasn't been used since she stopped coming in back in February. But I was feeling motivated, so I told Trina to help me clean it out.

It was a bit musty inside, which is what happens when an aromatherapy candle hasn't been used there in ages. Now we have 2 sets of lights for each room - the standard dimmers we use during session, and the bright spotlights that we NEVER use. Well, since we were cleaning, we fired up the spotlights.

Have you ever heard of those "crime lights" that CSI cops use to detect bodily fluids in crime scenes? Well, you wouldn't need one in this room. With the bright lights on, we could just as plainly see the stains on...

the walls
the floors
the table
the shelf
and don't even get me started about the shower!

Trina and I almost threw up when we realized what we were looking at. We figured her room hasn't been thoroughly cleaned in years. It was just the nastiest thing you've ever seen - but without the spotlights you would have never noticed it. We switched the lights back to the dimmers, and agreed that you couldn't really notice anything.

So that's what we did. We left the dimmers on, ran a quick vacuum through the room, then turned the lights off and closed the door. Actually let me rephrase that - I ran a vacuum through the room, turned off the lights and closed the door. Trina spent the entire time outside trying to keep her lunch down.

I'll confess that when I decided to clean out Audrey's room, I was hoping to find something embarassing like condom wrappers. But believe me when I say this was waaaaaaaay worse. I don't know how that woman could stand to work under those conditions. It's called Formula 409 Audrey! Check it out.

After Trina and I felt like our stomachs had settled, we moved on to Cindy's room. No condom wrappers, but we did find a Penthouse magazine, an old G-string, some cheap costume jewelry, and a tiny tube of "personal lubrication."

I don't wanna know.

Lastly was Trina's room. I didn't expect to find anything incriminating in there because she locked herself in while I was finishing up in Cindy's room. So I vacuumed up her dust bunnies while she scrubbed down her shower stall.

After she finished and went to the bathroom to clean up, I snuck out to the dumpster to see what she was trying to hide from me. I found a tied up shopping bag. It was filled with - can you guess? Candy wrappers. Must have been 50 at least.

After 2 days of major cleaning, we did find 1 condom wrapper. It was in the tanning room, behind the booth. None of us could figure out how it got there. I mean, it's quite obvious that Audrey fucks her customers in her room (ALL OVER her room apparently). Trina and I aren't full service. And when I asked Cindy, she just said something odd like "wrong size."

Now Trina had an interesting theory. Since it wasn't in anyone's room, she thinks that Audrey fucked one of the contractors when our place was getting fixed up from the flood. Why the tanning room, I don't know. Maybe Audrey was offering a taste of all our services at the same time?

Wow - I feel dull compared to my co-workers.

CJ