I'm Back. (Maybe)

Audrey called me today.

And she called yesterday. In fact she's been calling a lot lately. I think it's because she's convinced she's wearing me down and may get me to come back to The Business soon.

She may be right. We've actually been "talking" for several months now, but most of it was just trivial chit chat. When I first stormed out of work in what seems like an eternity ago, I absolutely wanted nothing to do with her, and wouldn't pick up any of her calls.

But after a few months when I had gotten over it, we started chatting again. We both figured out the secret was to totally NOT discuss anything to do with work. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with Audrey. She may be a two-faced, lying, cheating, and stealing whore - BUT she's a very friendly and interesting two-faced, lying, cheating and stealing whore.

Keep in mind that I've known this woman for my entire career in erotic massage. It's not easy to just say I'm never going to speak to someone, but it is easy to say I'm never setting foot in that door again. In fact, I've said that many a time - and often in a very loud and slightly screechy voice too. So continuing to talk to Audrey every now and then was never really a big deal to me.

Now to you guys out there, it's a different story. I would be lying if I didn't think talking about her would make me sound hypocritical or whatever. That's why I never brought it up till now. I knew some of you would give me shit for being weak and not sticking to my guns, etc. So that's why I've finally decided to confess it now.

And partly because I've been thinking seriously about going back to work for her. The little "problem" that resulted in me walking out has been gone for a long time now. Audrey learned her lesson and I made my point. This also means that I can finally get around to explaining why I left The Business.

But I think I'll save that story for after Thanksgiving dinner. Right now let me just admit that going independent was pretty damn rough on all aspects of my life. My schedule was unpredictable. The money was either feast or famine. A couple of times I feared for my safety because of the customer, or just the location. And a big reason was probably the slow erosion of my personal boundaries and self esteem. After all this time on my own, I started to feel less and less like a masseuse and more like a whore.

Well maybe not so much a whore as whore-light. But either way, it got to the point where I absolutely dreaded each new appointment. I mean at first, it was fun. I felt liberated. I felt free. I loved the feeling of knowing that I could now do whatever I wanted and live by MY rules instead of Audrey's. But eventually it degenerated into a daily struggle over how much of my self-respect will I auction off today.

The first appointments on my own were actually really fun for me. No clock watching. No reason to be hush-hush. No worrying about getting caught by Audrey bending a rule.

By the time I had my little breakdown, each session felt like torture. No you can't put that there. Get that out of my eye. Are you through yet? You're getting too rough. That hurts. Suddenly I wanted a clock to watch. I wanted these guys to settle down. I wanted someone elses "rules" I could hide behind. To put it quite plainly, I wanted The Business back.

And I think Audrey figured it out during the course of our occasional telephone calls. So she eventually asked if I wanted to come back, and I told her I'd think about it. I mean, it's hardly a done deal. There are a LOT of changes that need to be made first before I'll come back. But we'll see. I know Trina misses me.

But mostly I want to come back because of the hours. You try meeting a customer on his back porch at exactly 7:55 a.m. after parking your car 2 blocks away behind the Taco Bell. That got old real quick.

CJ

The Tale of the Naughty Nurse

One of my best friends is a nurse we'll call Eve. She's in my "inner circle" and kinda knows what I do for a living. Now when I say "kinda" it's because she knows about the happy ending part, but not much more. I think she's under the impression that I do it in a bikini, and occasionally topless. I've never bothered to correct her because she's really the kind who's not interested in all the sorded details. In fact, when we do talk, it's usually about her, or the husband, or the dog, or the nursing job, or whatever.

So a couple months ago we're talking about how crappy our careers are and how the economy sucks and how she wishes she was earning way more money. Then somehow the conversation turned to me...

"Oh I only wish I made your kind of money," Eve said. "$500 for an hours work. I can only imagine."

I looked at her funny and tried to correct her. "Uhhhh... I don't make THAT kind of money. I mean maybe once there was a guy who..."

"You are sooooooooo lucky dear!" she interrupted. "I wish I could just shake my tits for a few minutes and have guys pay me like that." (I think I grinded me teeth over that) "But it's that handjob thing that gets me. I mean, I don't know how you can do it. I mean with a stranger or whatever. Eww."

I knew where this was going because we had little discussions like this before. So I didn't stop her.

"What I would really like to do is be a dominatrix."

Now THAT was the last thing I ever expected out of her mouth. In fact, I made her repeat it.

"Yes, you heard me right. I want to spank rich guys and have them pay me $500 an hour." Then she kinda looked dreamy when she added "I'd look sexy in a little leather teddy and high heels... Oh yeah..."

I didn't even know where to start with her on this one. I mean, she's led such a sheltered life that her entire knowledge of domination is probably from bad Lifetime movies. So should I correct her on the $500 an hour, or maybe start with the outfit? Heels are awful when you need to leverage a tied up body around. And leather stains too easily from bodily fluids - latex is easier to clean and much more durable...

"CJ... Are you listening to me? Can you hook me up with some of your rich friends?" She used her fingers to make quotation signs when she said "friends." I didn't mind because I'm sure she would have said "Johns" otherwise.

I took a deep breath. Eve really exasperates me sometimes. Anyway, I've told you guys about my friend Wanda. She's not just a professional domme, it's a total lifestyle. Heck - she had her own live-in slave!!!

[Which by the way, is not what you think... her slave wasn't a leather clad mute from Pulp Fiction. She was actually a very nice girl who basically did whatever Wanda told her - which consisted mostly of household chores, maintaining a job and taking care of her own finances. Sorry guys - no wild sex stories involving leather teddy's and whips here.]

So needless to say, I tried to discourage Eve. First off, I had no intention of setting her up with ANY of my Regulars. And second, I really doubted she could learn anything from my friend Wanda. And third, Wanda probably wants nothing to do with a girl who thinks domination is nothing more than sticking your very expensive high heels into the crotch of a rich business man.

Either Eve wasn't listening to me, or she had her mind set - I don't know. But she still talks about how she's gonna make that move from nurse to dominatrix. I suggested she transition slowly into the world of domination/submission, like maybe through customer service or telemarketing. You know what her idea of "research" was? Buying a collar at the local adult boutique.

"Uh Eve... You know a domme wouldn't wear that, right?"

"But it looks so hot on me!"

If she only knew.

CJ