Distracted

Wow - I can't believe that I actually went a week without realizing I hadn't posted anything. But I guess you could say that I've been "distracted" lately. That's the polite way of saying that I've gotten laid.

Hmmmmmmm... Bitch about work or go fuck? Tough one there. Answer Email from borderline stalker or quickie in the shower? Let me think about it...

The beginning of a relationship is always fun. It's the middle part where I have to juggle privacy versus intimacy that I hate. And then there's always the end part where everything turns ugly and I eventually spend a Saturday night drinking tequila and sorting out my CD's from his.

I've been talking to you guys about the fine line you have to walk regarding personal relationships when you're in this kind of business. So will I take any of my own advice and try something different this time in the hopes that maybe it'll turn out differently? Probably not. I know me and I fear change. So I'll just stick with what I know - the slowly spiraling maelstrom of lies and deceit that ultimately ends with total relationship destruction and emotional ruin.

But for now I'm getting laid! Go me!

So let me start by giving you guys a quick idea of the unique aspects of dating an erotic masseuse.
Always Wait For Us To Shower
The last thing you want to do is suprise us with an "intimate" encounter when we first come home from work. "Oh baby... you smell so good, what's that scent you're wearing?"

"That's jizm from my 3 o'clock."

Give Us Time To Decompress After Work
I once had a boyfriend that basically tore my shirt off after I came home from work - wouldn't take "no" for an answer (the Girls are known to have that affect on people). He proceeded to give me a very thorough tongue caressing of my nipples. And I might have enjoyed it too, but unfortunately all I could think about was the breast release I had given 30 minutes ago. Totally weirded me out.

Don't Buy Us Lingerie
You really don't know what awkward is until your boyfriend asks you to wear that "special" thing he bought you last week and you suddenly realize you've already sold it to a Regular. Or even worse - you can't wear something because it's stained. And those stains aren't his...

So that's what I'm about to go through now. Wish me luck and I promise to bring you something more work related next time!

CJ

Happy VD

You know I don't like talking about my personal life, but recently it crossed over to my business life. I didn't want to say anything, but it's been festering away for a couple weeks now so I feel like I need to tell someone about it.

As you don't know, I've been seeing a guy on and off for a couple months now. He's the one I mentioned earlier who actually recognized my voice from the Playboy interview. I didn't want to do this and I've been dreading it but here goes... I'm going to give him a name (*GASP*). Let's call him "Jason."

I just got a shiver as I typed that. It's like I'm making it official by actually naming him here on the blog. Wow.

Anway, about a month ago, "Jason" started asking me questions about work. At first I was able to deflect them easily ("I'm a shampooist"... Honestly - where do you go from there?), but then he started to get more persistent. I figured he was trying to dig up enough info to send me flowers for Valentines Day - or worse - surprise me at work!

I kept throwing road blocks at him like "I'm not working that day" and "don't embarass me like that" but I knew I wasn't getting through to him. I could have told Jason I don't like flowers, but he already knows that's a lie. I could have told him I don't like lunch, but he REALLY knows that's a lie. So here he is, trying to combine the 2 in the worst possible way.

I know he meant well, but it was really starting to piss me off the closer it got to VD. It finally got to the point where the Thursday before, I actually picked a fight with him just to make an excuse to avoid him for a few days. I figured this would give me a window big enough to prevent him from arranging any flower deliveries or surprise lunches. THEN I made up with him Sunday morning (since I wasn't working) and INSISTED we go out. This way, he still gets to feel like he did some romantic stuff for Valentines Day, and The Business is removed from the equation. Situation difused. Go me!

Well once again, my lack of understanding of the male mind has gotten me in trouble again. I figured seeing Jason on VD had ended the issue of where I work. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, my little hissy fit only made him even more determined to surprise me.

What is it with guys and surprises???? Scaring the shit outta me at work is not going to make lunch taste any sweeter. He knows I work Thursday morning shift, so the devious little shit made it a point to call my cell phone at noon to verify I was there. I think I said something stupid like "yeah... it's dead here... think I'll take my break soon..." Well guess who's ringing the bell a few minutes later?

My cousin "Agnes" turned out to be the weakest link. I guess he managed to sweet talk her into giving up directions on where to find me. He wasn't given the name of The Business, so this may have worked out to my advantage. Don't get me wrong - I still plan on murdering Agnes and disposing of the body using an elaborate scheme of 10 dozen hermetically sealed mayonaise jars, BUT I credit her with only giving out enough info to direct him to our door.

By the way he came in he wouldn't have seen our sign up front and realized it's not "...... Hair and Nails" like I've told him a hundred times. And from where he parked (and waited) he wouldn't have seen a line of men coming in and out of our front door. Luckily he was directed to the back entrance where there's nothing to see.

My jaw dropped when I saw Jason standing outside with that dumb smile of his. Having gone through this situation before, I immediately went into crisis mode and whisked him back to his car before any of our "nooners" came in looking for a quick session. I made an excuse of not wanting the boss to see him so I could spend "more time" at lunch. The real reason of course is what hair and nails salon only employs 1 woman and has no actual appliances for doing hair and nails? So I couldn't possibly let him in the front door. I literally jumped in the car and barked "Let's go!"

I think we were pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant before I realized I was sitting on a bouquet of flowers.

I wolfed my food down and kept the conversation focused on him. Then I made sure he brought me round back so he wouldn't see the front door. I told Jason I had a lovely lunch, but please never ever do that again. And unlike all my other stories, there was no happy ending to this one - I think I shook his hand.

So what did we learn today boys and girls?

Bring me pizza = handjob
Surprise me at work = handshake

Meanwhile, I have asked Agnes to meet me tomorrow night behind an abandoned gas station. And to "... bring a shovel."

CJ

Mr. Perfect

Someone asked me if I'd give up all this for the "right" guy. I thought about it and the answer is no. Seriously. Not the answer you were expecting, is it?

After much soul searching (and a VERY long phone conversation with Trina the other night), I realized that I'd only leave if Mr. Right could support me (at the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed or a little better of course!). Anything short of that, and I wouldn't leave. Ya see, I'm very independent and have been pretty much taking care of myself ever since 10th grade. Because of that, it's really hard for me to depend on anyone. And if Mr. Right can't take care of his little CJ, then I see no reason to quit.

I like my job. I don't love it, but I actually like coming to work. What on Earth could I possibly enjoy about jerking guys off you ask? Well, I like most of my Regulars, the pay is decent, the work is a no-brainer, I get all the Lifetime TV shows I want, and I get to hang out with my BFF all week. What more could a girl want?! Sure, it gets weird sometimes, but it's my weirdness and I'm kinda used to it.

Some of you are probably shaking your heads and saying "Yeah, but how can you be happy when you constantly have to lie to everyone about your job?" To those people I ask you this - do you truly know what anyone else does outside of your little work world? Let's say you were an accountant, would you really tell the boring details of your day to a room full of firemen? I didn't think so. Not only would they not understand you, they wouldn't even care. Instead, we all just make general statements about how happy or miserable we are.

For example - with my co-workers I could say "I had a bad day...That last customer wanted to stick a finger up my ass..." But with a boyfriend, I would just say "I had a bad day... That last customer was a real pain in my ass..."

Exact same sentiment, different wording. So where's the lie? This approach has worked for me all these years, so I see no compelling reason to "confess" anything to anyone (other than all you beautiful, loving, adoring fans of course - that's what YOU guys are for!). So if I won't leave work for a guy, you only have yourselves to blame. Don't you feel bad now?

I think a better reason for leaving The Business is this lousy economy. I've never seen times this bad before. Once I can't make ends meet, THEN it's time to move on - not for some lousy stinking man. LOL

There, does that answer your question?

CJ

p.s. I would also like to add that I am now accepting applications for the position of Boyfriend/Fiance. Must be able to keep me in the following:

1) Fully clothed in the latest fashions from Abercrombie
2) Scantily clothed in the latest lingerie from Victoria's Secret
3) Smelling pretty with the latest scent from Burberry
4) Sparkling in the latest designs from Tiffany
5) Cruising in a late model full size pickup truck
6) Entertained with Lifetime on a HD TV
7) Typsy with the finest beers from Mexico
8) Weak-kneed from daily furious fucking
9) And tanned from semi-annual trips to Cancun

Please e-mail me a pic of the truck.

xoxoxo
CJ

Mixing Business and Pleasure

Someone asked the question on whether this job impacts my personal sex life and vice versa. Well, I started thinking about the answer to this question a couple days ago and realized it’s tough to answer when you haven’t gotten it in over 2 weeks.

Yes – the Jackass and I are fighting again. And this time, I swear, it’s not even my fault. Tom was always a prick I guess. Very inattentive, but nice to look at. I don’t know what it is – I just seem to be drawn to that type. They say that nice guys finish last, and in my case that’s true. Give me a bad boy who treats me like shit and I’m in love.

So if I skip back in time to before the Jackass, I kinda recall having a sex life. So I’ll start from there…

I think I can honestly say that most of the things I’ve learned off the clock, I use on the clock. And only a few things I’ve learned on the clock, I use off the clock. Make any sense?

For example, the only thing I’ve learned after 10 years of erotic massage that I use with boyfriends is knowing when they’re about to cum. I can read a guy like a book to see how he’s doing. But that’s about it. I’m not full service so the only real technique I practice on a regular basis is the hand release. And in those cases where I’m NOT using MY hand (i.e. breast release, butt release, foot fetish, etc.), the customer is pretty much doing all the work for me. So as you can see – not a whole lot to learn on the job.

As for my coveted, money-making hand release - I only rely on it in my personal life when I'm feeling lazy, or when I'm trying to avoid oral. I'm not a big fan of the BJ, so I'll try to worm my way out of it with a healthy HJ every now and then. Someone asked me if I get tired of dicks since I work with them all day (pun intended). Let me put it to you this way - I love getting laid, and I certainly ain't getting laid at work!

Come to think of it - I ain't getting laid at home either. LOL

The masseuse in me gets to practice her craft every now and then. Believe it or not – boyfriends rarely bug me for massages, and I don’t offer them too freely (most guys think I'm just a shampooer). The jackass was an exception (notice how I use the past tense?). He works out with weights, so oftentimes I’d give him a sports massage (I did go to massage school and get my license – remember?). Off the clock, I actually give more massages away to friends and co-workers. When things are slow at work, we’ll occasionally do a therapeutic for each other.

Now on the job, I use techniques I’ve learned from my personal life. For example, I knew how to give a wicked hand job way before I started working in the business. I started my sinful ways with my first boyfriend back in high school. I learned how to give him hand jobs before we started having sex, so my patented double-handed crisscross technique was mastered well before it was considered a job skill. I guess another thing I bring to work is the dirty talk. It was my 2nd or 3rd boyfriend who got me into that. And the titty-fucking you ask? I had already done that a couple times before I ever got paid to do one.

However, just because I don’t use work skills in my personal life, doesn’t mean that I haven’t learned a thing or two. Funny thing about erotic massage – since we don’t offer sex, we tend to attract the fetish people. At a full service place, you’re paying for the sex – but if your kink doesn’t involve actual sex (i.e. cross dressing, ball busting, breast worship, etc.) then a massage parlor seems the better (and cheaper) alternative.

Now if I were to ever date a guy who was curious about foot worship… he’d probably wonder how I knew the proper way to wrap a pair of thigh-highs around his prick. But in the near future, I really don’t expect to be bringing any of my work home with me.

CJ

Massage and the Single Girl

Had a fight today with the BF. He can be such an asshole. I know we’ve been dating for several months now, but he just doesn’t get it sometimes. He was sweet at first, even brought me lunch at work a couple of times (he couldn’t tell what goes on here from the outside). He has a key to my place, but he doesn’t come over much anymore. I swear our “dates” feel more like booty calls at this point.

One of you guys asked if significant others ever just “drop by” the Business. Rarely, and when they do, we’re legitimate enough in appearance not to arouse suspicion. Besides – guys are clueless to these things. And if a BF loves you, he’ll believe anything you tell him!

I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t found THE ONE yet. But Tom is good enough for now. I’d like to eventually meet a guy that I don’t have to hide anything from, but that ain’t gonna be any time soon. I have this nagging feeling that it won’t be till I’m outta the sex industry for good.

I wrote before about the dangers of telling BF’s about the Business, but there are exceptions. For example, Luna’s pimp boyfriend knows what she does, but for him this is a step UP from street walking (I guess nothing’s too good for HIS baby’s mama). Trina is playing the field right now, but she feels the same way I do about telling BF’s about work.

Audrey is a different story. She ONLY dates customers. She’ll never admit it, but we all know. Since she spends so much time here, customers are the only men she meets! I know this is a total violation of Dating Rule #1 (Never Date Customers), but Audrey has it down to a science. She only sees them casually and never gets serious. And most of her dates (if you can call them that) are of the weekend getaway type. I couldn’t tell you if any cash is exchanged during these dates, but I do know that she tends to prefer gentlemen who shower her with gifts. They have the MO of married guys, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. And since she dates customers, this has only confirmed my suspicions that she’s now full service.

While I’m on the subject of Boyfriends again, I may as well tell ya something useful. At work we NEVER tell customers that we’re involved. And if we do, it’s always with a “girlfriend” (you guys are such suckers for that story). As far as the customers know, we are all SINGLE, AVAILABLE, AND LOOKING. It’s all part of that illusion we create that you stand a chance with us. I hear that strippers do something similar. After all, what’s sexier? Confessing how I lezzed out with one of my girlfriends last night, or complaining that my baby’s daddy is late on the child support?

We always tell the customers that we’re single. It plays on your sympathies and encourages you guys to open up that wallet a little bit wider in an effort to impress us. Hate to pop your bubble, but we’re just as likely, if not more, to be off the market. Most of the girls I’ve had the pleasure to work with over the years have had guys, but unfortunately of the most sleazoid kind. The massage business (particularly the Full Service places) tends to attract a lot of ex-hookers and druggies, who usually support their BFs. I don’t know what it is, but these chicks LOVE a guy with no money, car, or place to live. Go figure.

Another reason we keep our personal lives personal, is for safety. I mean eventually with some regulars we’ll tell the truth, but all masseuses have stories of stalkers who’ve threatened to “Tell All” to our BFs. Heck, I once had a stalker threaten to beat up my BF! Yes – even yours truly has a made this mistake and learned the hard way to keep her mouth shut.

You wanna know who can keep a secret around here? Married guys. That’s right. They’re so used to keeping their own secrets, that a couple of mine thrown in there are perfectly safe. Plus, some married guys don’t even care if I have a BF. In fact, they often enjoy my own personal drama since it’s not their own. So I have a couple of married regulars that I treat as my own personal psychiatrists.

However, don’t start thinking now that I bare my soul to all the married men. Turns out that the marrieds hold out more hope for seducing me than single guys! I don’t know what it is, but sooooo many of these guys develop this fantasy of leaving their wife for me. And I don’t even encourage it!!!!! They just love to go on and on about ditchin’ the bitch, and “saving” me from this life of drudgery. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of times I’ve heard that story. I just want to roll my eyes and say “yeah yeah whatever. You and the last guy in here…” But they tip well, so who am I to argue with them if they just want to live out a fantasy for an hour?

Well I’m sorry about bitching about my personal life. But I hope you all learned something in the process. Keep those questions coming! See ya!

CJ

Boyfriends - or - How can you date someone when you spend all day jerking guys off

Yes - I have a boyfriend. His name is Tom (not his real name – duh). One of my friends read my earlier post that mentions him and said it would be interesting to talk about. So what’s it like to be in my line of business and have a boyfriend? Well let me tell ya.

No – he doesn’t know. Why? Because I’ve learned over the years that it’s just simpler. He thinks I’m a shampooer at a day salon. It’s a good cover since I technically work in a spa - but instead of washing the blue hair of old ladies, I’m giving handjobs to bald businessmen. Same difference, right? Complaining at the end of the day about customers, co-workers, business – it’s all pretty much the same. And luckily Tom doesn’t ask too many questions.

So why not tell him you ask? Yeah Right! Let me tell you the rules of dating when you’re in “The Business.”

Rule #1 – Don’t date the customers.
For some reason, this is NOT self explanatory. My first boss explained this to me when I first starting working for her. Dating customers ALWAYS ends badly. No exceptions. The pattern is always the same. At first it’s fine because they act like they're soooooo understanding of your job. Next, they start to brag about their job, how much money they earn, and how you should really consider getting out of the business and letting them take care of you.

Then the jealousy starts. It finally dawns on them that you meet guys all day long who claim to be rich – just like them. Then they remember that you're willing to go out with a customer – just like them. Eventually they accuse you of banging every customer, stalking you in the parking lot, claiming you used them for money, following customers home, and finally... threatening to call the police on the business. HAPPENS EVERY TIME.

This doesn’t mean I won’t go out with a customer. In fact, I’ve had some of the best times hanging with guys outside the business. The difference I think is that when a customer asks you out on a date, they assume that you’re as trampy in your personal life as you are in your professional life. WRONG. A $100 tip gets you a topless handjob at work. A $100 dinner gets you nothing if you’re an asshole. Now a customer that truly asks you out as a friend is really showing me a tremendous amount of respect. He’s basically saying he wants to spend time with me not because of what I do for a living, but in spite of it.

Rule #2 – Don’t tell your boyfriend what you do.
This rule has a dozen exceptions that I won’t go into. But in general, my colleagues and I agree that a clueless boyfriend is much easier to deal with than a nosy one for all the reasons that I described above. I’ve tried to come clean with some guys in the past, and it usually ends in jealousy, mistrust, and accusations of cheating. And every fight usually includes the word “whore" from then on.

Now this doesn’t mean that all of us erotic massage therapists hide our business life from our partners. I’ve even known a couple of married women who’s husbands get off on the fact that their wife is a “sex worker” - and get off even more on their paychecks.

Rule #3 – Don’t ever feel guilty about Rules 1 and 2.It’s not worth it. Besides, does anyone really truly know what their partner does for a living? At the beginning of the day I walk into a spa, and at the end of the day I walk out of one. What happens in between is really academic and most guys don’t really give a shit anyway. When I tell guys I'm a shampooer, their eyes usually glaze over, then they go back to staring at my tits.

Look at Tom for example. He runs a small construction crew. They work on houses and stuff, but do I really know EXACTLY what he does all day? I have no clue. He could be doing lines off some whore’s ass in downtown Pottsville while his guys do all the building stuff – I don’t know. I may ask him how his day went when he comes home, but he doesn’t really go into detail, and neither do I. He doesn't really give a crap how my day goes, so why would he care about the messy little details? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Well, my left hand is more tired than usual, so I’m gonna sign off now. If anyone is reading this crap PLEASE ask me some more questions. I’ll probably tell you more about past boyfriends later, and maybe then some of this may make sense. See ya later.

CJ