Questions and Answers...

THIS is why I didn't want to say anything about a guy I'm dating. I was afraid I'd start getting a ton of crap and lots and lots of questions that I probably don't want to deal with. But I kinda knew I was opening a Pandora's box by finally mentioning him, so I'll be a big girl and try to respond with maturity.

First off, let me clarify some things regarding the Playboy interview. Apparently this damn show is more popular than I could have imagined. The guys in Jason's shop listen to Howard Stern in the mornings, followed by the Playboy show, and finally Bubba in the afternoons. He said he was working and had tuned out the show when he thought he heard my voice. He started paying attention and just thought it was funny that some girl on the radio kinda sounded like me. He later told me this story because he thought it was funny.

I did not.

After the interview, I had like 3 or 4 people ask if it was me (including 1 close friend and 1 customer). I had no clue ANYONE listened to this damn show. And that's why I made the decision then and there I couldn't do it anymore. They wanted me on the next week since my call was cut so short, but I had to tell them no. Which is a shame because I had fun and it would have gotten me lots of new readers. Believe me, it wasn't easy to drop it, but I was scared shitless for a couple of days until it all blew over.

Now another thing I want to point out is that he's not my boyfriend. We've been seeing each other but it's not to the point where we're using those kinds of terms yet. And when it does, I have no reason to confess anything to him since I've never confessed anything to anyone I've ever dated. Hell, I've lived with guys who had no idea what I really did for a living!

So don't expect any heart wrenching "confessions" from me to him any time soon. Of course if he were to discover the truth on his own - won't that make for a great story?

Now on to your questions...

Very few guys I've dated have known I'm a masseuse - and those that did just assumed I was therapeutic. And no, I don't avoid HJ's or try to give more - it's pretty much just whatever fits for us at the time. And none of them have ever said to me "Gee... you're so good at that you should do it for a living!"

Have I ever met a friend of a friend who was a customer? Believe it or not, that had never happened. I have run into customers while out at the bar, and most of the time they just ignore me, or slink quietly away. I think they're definitely more nervous to be around me than I around them.

As for VD... If a guy looks particularly dirty to me, I'll usually just tell him therapeutic only.

Newbie question... It's not inappropriate to ask for glutes. Shit - I'm supposed to massage your dick at the end, so glutes are fine. Not requested often. In fact, if a customer wants some serious body work, all you have to do is ask. Truckers in particular have special requests regarding lower back and legs, and I do my best to help them out.

G-Dragon... We have strict rules about age at the Business. 21 and over. Catering to younger guys is just trouble, so it's not worth it.

And finally, to all of you wondering if I'll ever come clean to Jason. Who knows? But from my experience - it always ends badly.

CJ

Happy VD

You know I don't like talking about my personal life, but recently it crossed over to my business life. I didn't want to say anything, but it's been festering away for a couple weeks now so I feel like I need to tell someone about it.

As you don't know, I've been seeing a guy on and off for a couple months now. He's the one I mentioned earlier who actually recognized my voice from the Playboy interview. I didn't want to do this and I've been dreading it but here goes... I'm going to give him a name (*GASP*). Let's call him "Jason."

I just got a shiver as I typed that. It's like I'm making it official by actually naming him here on the blog. Wow.

Anway, about a month ago, "Jason" started asking me questions about work. At first I was able to deflect them easily ("I'm a shampooist"... Honestly - where do you go from there?), but then he started to get more persistent. I figured he was trying to dig up enough info to send me flowers for Valentines Day - or worse - surprise me at work!

I kept throwing road blocks at him like "I'm not working that day" and "don't embarass me like that" but I knew I wasn't getting through to him. I could have told Jason I don't like flowers, but he already knows that's a lie. I could have told him I don't like lunch, but he REALLY knows that's a lie. So here he is, trying to combine the 2 in the worst possible way.

I know he meant well, but it was really starting to piss me off the closer it got to VD. It finally got to the point where the Thursday before, I actually picked a fight with him just to make an excuse to avoid him for a few days. I figured this would give me a window big enough to prevent him from arranging any flower deliveries or surprise lunches. THEN I made up with him Sunday morning (since I wasn't working) and INSISTED we go out. This way, he still gets to feel like he did some romantic stuff for Valentines Day, and The Business is removed from the equation. Situation difused. Go me!

Well once again, my lack of understanding of the male mind has gotten me in trouble again. I figured seeing Jason on VD had ended the issue of where I work. Boy was I wrong. Apparently, my little hissy fit only made him even more determined to surprise me.

What is it with guys and surprises???? Scaring the shit outta me at work is not going to make lunch taste any sweeter. He knows I work Thursday morning shift, so the devious little shit made it a point to call my cell phone at noon to verify I was there. I think I said something stupid like "yeah... it's dead here... think I'll take my break soon..." Well guess who's ringing the bell a few minutes later?

My cousin "Agnes" turned out to be the weakest link. I guess he managed to sweet talk her into giving up directions on where to find me. He wasn't given the name of The Business, so this may have worked out to my advantage. Don't get me wrong - I still plan on murdering Agnes and disposing of the body using an elaborate scheme of 10 dozen hermetically sealed mayonaise jars, BUT I credit her with only giving out enough info to direct him to our door.

By the way he came in he wouldn't have seen our sign up front and realized it's not "...... Hair and Nails" like I've told him a hundred times. And from where he parked (and waited) he wouldn't have seen a line of men coming in and out of our front door. Luckily he was directed to the back entrance where there's nothing to see.

My jaw dropped when I saw Jason standing outside with that dumb smile of his. Having gone through this situation before, I immediately went into crisis mode and whisked him back to his car before any of our "nooners" came in looking for a quick session. I made an excuse of not wanting the boss to see him so I could spend "more time" at lunch. The real reason of course is what hair and nails salon only employs 1 woman and has no actual appliances for doing hair and nails? So I couldn't possibly let him in the front door. I literally jumped in the car and barked "Let's go!"

I think we were pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant before I realized I was sitting on a bouquet of flowers.

I wolfed my food down and kept the conversation focused on him. Then I made sure he brought me round back so he wouldn't see the front door. I told Jason I had a lovely lunch, but please never ever do that again. And unlike all my other stories, there was no happy ending to this one - I think I shook his hand.

So what did we learn today boys and girls?

Bring me pizza = handjob
Surprise me at work = handshake

Meanwhile, I have asked Agnes to meet me tomorrow night behind an abandoned gas station. And to "... bring a shovel."

CJ