Now Hiring

Hey guys...  Long time I know.  With the good weather and the pick up in business, the last thing I felt like doing was sitting down in front of a computer.  In fact, I've barely had the time.  Let me explain...
I think I mentioned last time that we hired a new girl.  Well, that was soooooooooo 20 minutes ago.  Since then we've actually gone through 3 girls.  Ya see, spring is here and Trina and I want help so we can finally do that Vegas trip we've been talking about forever.  Heck, I'd be happy to get a whole weekend off at this point.  So I've gotten to the point where I'll pretty much hire anything that walks through the door with tits and no visible needle tracks.

Yes, it's that bad.  You would think it's easy to find a girl with massage experience who's also:

Clean looking
Attractive
Pleasant conversation
Punctual

I'm sorry, but I guess my list forgot to mention FULL SERVICE and VIOLENT PIMP because that seems to be the only kind of girls who apply.

It's been a month now since I hired a pretty little Mexican girl. She walked in and asked for a job.  I hired her on the spot when she said she used to work at a place I'm familiar with.  That place was notoriously full service, so I should have kept an eye on her.  In fact, I should have suspected something when on her first day she had like 6 appointments already lined up.  I mean it's not unusual for girls in The Business to have fans that will follow from place to place, but that was just ridiculous.  

Her brief employment went something like this... 

Day 1 - Amazingly busy
Day 2 - Insanely busy
Day 3 - Suspiciously busy
Day 4 - Why are you so busy?
Day 5 - What do you mean you've been advertising The Business as full service on the internet?
Day 6 - You're fired

It turns out she was advertising her services without my knowledge.  Not that The Business wasn't making money -  we were cleaning up on the door fee.  But as you all know, we are not supposed to be a full service establishment, and the LAST thing I need is someone posting that all over the internet.  

And that was just the first girl I hired.  

Then there was Girl #2 - a skinny, pale, quiet girl with a massage license.  Mind you, it was from a different state, but at that point I didn't care.    She showed up on time!  She did a good job!  The customers liked her!  I think she's going to ...hey wait a minute... why is her boyfriend sitting out in the parking lot all day?

Actually it was Maude who noticed.  Maude sees everything.  And she noticed on the second day that there was a guy sitting in a car outside all day long.  At first she thought it was someone scoping out The Business, but then Girl #2 went out to the car a couple of times during her shift.  

Maude told me all about it the next day, so when #2 came in I sat her down and told her that we can't afford to have anyone hanging out like that.  We are not the only business at this address, and people lurking in the parking lot is not a my idea of keeping a low profile.  So she went outside and a few minutes later a car went tearing out of the parking lot.  Problem solved.

The next day, #2 was scheduled for the evening shift with Trina.  According to her, #2 was dropped off by the boyfriend around 4.  Then around 7, this guy comes storming into The Business and starts demanding to know where #2 is.  Before Trina can say anything, she comes running up from the back room and begs the guy to go outside to "talk."  They go outside where there is even more yelling.  #2 comes back in, runs to the back and then runs back out, hands something to the boyfriend, then he leaves.  She later tells Trina that he was upset because he needed some cash for dinner and it was nothing.  

Trina called me that night and told me everything so I wouldn't be surprised the next time it happened.  I had #2 for the next morning shift.  But lucky for me I also had Maude.

The Boyfriend came storming in around noon.  I guess he hadn't had lunch yet because he was screaming something about "my money."  As Trina described before, #2 came running up, handed him a wad of cash, and he disappeared.  

Maude pulled me aside and we talked for a while about what to do.  I mean, #2 was a decent enough worker, but I couldn't have this kind of drama going on in a setting that requires discretion.  I said we can't afford to let this happen again.  Maude said "I got this one."

Two days later, during the day shift there was another "episode" with #2 and boyfriend.  Trina was there and she told me that he came bursting in and yelling again.  But this time Maude stepped out from behind the desk and actually got the guy to go outside.  Something was said and he left before #2 could come running up with the contents of her purse.  That night I got the call from #2 that this job wasn't for her and she was moving on.

To this day I still have no idea what Maude said to this guy, but I guess when you live in her neighborhood, your people skills are slightly more robust than usual.  Thank goodness she works the front desk instead of me!

CJ

Trina's Tale

Since you've guys have been asking, I'm starting a new thing where I feature stories from Trina - when I can squeeze them out of her.  Let me tell ya, getting her to say anything even half way interesting is like pulling teeth.  And I'm calling it "Trina's Tale" because it's her stories, but it can also be a reference to her ass.  Get it?  Am I a witty genius or what!


Anyway, I figured I'd start it now instead of updating you on the nonsense which is The Business, because I don't know if I ever want to go through the process of extracting gossip out of Trina ever again.  Let me explain.


It all started a few weeks ago when Trina revealed to me that she can actually get herself off during a session.  In fact, not only can she have an orgasm in front of a client, she practically insists upon it.     Heck, sometimes she even forgets to charge extra for the show!


Well, a couple days ago I finally had an opportunity to grill her about what else she does in the room that I don't know about.  Turns out to be quite a lot.  But I thought her most interesting story was and still is the masterbation show.  This is where she takes care of her own business (sometimes with the help of toys) while the client watches.  This is not terribly shocking since I do my own variation of this, except that I fake the finger insertion and the orgasm.


Trina does not.


In fact, she feels that she owes the customer the very best O-face that she can deliver each time.  Now that's what I call customer service.  In her own words, "They're paying me and I like cumming.  It's a win-win for everyone.  Right?"


So I asked her all sorts of questions... How often do you get a request for this extra?  How much do you charge?  Do you allow the guys to help out, or is it strictly hands off?  Do they typically just watch or do they take care of their own business?  I mean, I was looking at Trina in a whole new light and I was truly fascinated and curious.  How often does a girl you've known for half your life really surprise you with something new?


Well here are the facts as presented by Trina:


1) She charges $40 for the show.  Why not round it off at $50 you ask?  "Because most guys only carry $20's on them."


2) Since she's been doing this for a while, word has spread and about half her Regulars ask for it each and every time they do a session.


3) She does not allow the guys to "help out" during the show, but she does allow a select few to rub her legs or even breasts.  In fact, she says her favorite position is to sit on the guys lap and finger herself while he massages her breasts.  According to her, there's nothing like a good nipple pinch to help move things along.


4) Most guys take care of their own business while she takes care of hers.  She said it's a great perk when a customer is willing to do what is essentially her job.  Shit - even I have to agree with her on this one.


Finally I asked her what was the wildest session she's ever had.  And this brings us to my next installment of Freak of the Week.  Gary - The Toy Boy.


When she began to tell me the story of Gary, I remembered him.  He was a Regular of hers for a couple years.  Short guy, balding, with little round glasses.  I remember him as being very quiet.  At least he never said 2 words to me whenever I was working the front desk.  He was Trina's biggest fan for reasons I will make apparent.


He enjoyed her masterbation show, and over the course of time took it to new levels.  She was comfortable enough with him to allow him to start bringing in toys.  We're talking various kinds of dildos, vibrators, etc.  Standard rules applied - toys are OK as long as they are new and in the box.  That's my rule too.  So after a short while, she began to build up a pretty substantial collection.  


Well, she couldn't bring them home to her boyfriend, and she couldn't leave them at work (another standard rule - nothing incriminating can be kept on site such as toys, lingerie, etc.).  So Gary began toting this ever increasing toy collection to and from each session.


Things between them began to get a little more personal.  And this is one of those points in our conversation where I had to pry really hard to get the real story out of Trina.  I kept trying to get her to explain the word "personal" and she confessed that she eventually gave Gary the OK to use the toys on her.  In other words, he was allowed to use a dildo on her while she worked her clit with her own fingers.  


I have to admit, I was totally shocked by this admission.  I used to think she was a prude (well, at least as prudish as jerking guys off for a living can get).  And then Trina tells me "Hold on... letting a guy work a dildo is nothing.  You wanna know the weird thing?"


Well asking me if I wanted to know more was kinda overly dramatic.  I mean I spent an hour of badgering, pressuring and even threatening just to get to that juicy little tidbit about the toys.  Now she's offering up the "weird thing?"  


"Do tell" I said.


"After a while Gary started to get more bold and would make all sorts of new suggestions.  Most of them were an automatic 'no' on my part.  But some were OK, like would I wear high heels, or pretend I was a nun, or suck on one dildo while he fucked me with another."  


My head was spinning too, but bear with me while I finish this story...


"And then one day Gary straight up asked me 'Can I fuck you with a strap on?'  A strap on what? I asked.  I was confused - wasn't a 'strap on' something that dykes used on each other?  Gary explained that since he couldn't actually fuck me, the next best thing would be to wear a fake dick and fuck me with it instead."


So Trina explained in gory detail how Gary brought in a genuine harness with a small selection of attachments.  Trina picked out something that wasn't too intimidating and gave Gary the OK.  I guess his junk was packed behind the base of the dildo, so he would at least get the sensation of thrusting his pelvis as if he were actually fucking her.  Trina said they tried it  at first from behind, and with the help of lots of lube, she actually managed to get off. 


In later sessions, she allowed him to "fuck" her from on top - missionary style.  I asked her if he really got off on this, and she said "OH YEAH. - It was pretty damn real for him."  It was so real to him, in fact, that he would be fucking her and in mid stride start cumming inside the harness.  


I thought I had seen it all until I heard this story.  Now I feel like I'm the prude around here.  And that's Trina's Tale - who knew?


CJ

It Never Rains....

Hi guys.  Sorry it's been so long but all the drama around here makes it hard to think sometimes.  And to make it worse, it's all crap I don't want to talk about.  Makes for no inspiration in the story department.  But to sum things up, I guess you could say a lot has happened over the last couple of weeks...

1) Derek and I finally had it out
2) Tax refund season has kicked in
3) We hired a new girl
4) Trina is sluttier than I thought
5) Cindy borrowed money from me
6) Audrey wants back in (kinda)

Now outta all that, the only thing I'm really in the mood to talk about are taxes and maybe the new girl.  Everything else kinda makes my palms sweat, and my breathing shallow.  And I start to see red.  Or cry.  You get my meaning.

Now let me start off by saying that it's nice that all the assholes finally stopped posting their guesses as to where I am located.  I can breathe a sigh of relief over that one and I once again thank Velma for taking care of that little problem for me.  This seems to happen every now and then, and it drives me nuts each time.  I mean, I wish I could just tell the world who I am and where I am, but then again, this is puritanical America and I'd probably be hauled off to jail for that most serious of crimes  -- jerking guys off.  

Anyway, tax season is finally at an end, which means it's my favorite season of all - tax refund season.  That is a massage parlors best time of the year.  And it's probably because when you combine all that stress and agony over preparing your taxes, with the giant sigh of relief of getting a big fat check in the mail, you get that perfect storm.  And what do you do when you're a stressed out guy with a fistful of cash?  You crack open that phone book and find your local massage parlor!

Or strip club, or liquor store.  If you're from around here, maybe the bait and tackle shop.

And let me take a moment here to address all you newbies out there that have been asking me questions on how to find your local parlor.  Businesses are all around you, all you have to do is look.  Hell, I had one guy tell me that he read in the paper that a parlor was open right down the street from his house in the middle of a neighborhood!  The only reason it finally got busted was because the Mama-san who ran the place told the neighbors who politely asked her to turn off the flood lights in the driveway to go fuck themselves.  But my point is that we're a lot closer than you think.

The easiest place to look is the phone book.  Really.  Just crack it open to "massage."  Now skip any place that says "LMT" or "Hair and nails" in the description.  Next, skip any place that sounds asian, and you're probably looking at an ad for a good old fashioned American massage parlor.  OBVIOUS tips in the ad - look for late hours and the words "now hiring."  I don't know why a lot of places want you to know that they're hiring, they just are.  

If the yellow pages don't work for you, try your local weekly entertainment paper.  You know the kind - the free ones in front of the supermarket.   Chances are the back pages are filled with ads for escorts and massage parlors.  

One customer told me that the way he found out about The Business was from a news story on television.  It was all about how a local prostitution ring was busted operating inside some guys house.  But what was so great about the story was that it pointed out 3 very important details:

1)  Escort agencies and parlors place ads in the back of entertainment papers.
2)  This guys business charged $250/hour.
3) This price was "high."

I don't know who writes their news stories, but thanks to him he basically told everyone in the tri-state area where to find a Business.  How much to expect to pay.  And based on the news man's personal experience he has never paid more than $250.

And last but not least there is the internet.  Those of you who have read most of this nonsense I call a blog may have noticed that I don't endorse the internet as a place to find parlors.  That is because The Business does not advertise that way (we are soooooooo 90's).   Not that you won't find something on Craigslist or any of the multiple escort/parlor websites out there.  The problem is that you never know what you're going to get.  

We are a good old fashioned Business located in a dedicated space in a building that you can drive to, walk around, read our sign, chat with Maude, etc.  In cyberspace you don't know what you're getting yourself into.  Hell - anyone remember that guy who robbed and killed girls on craigslist?  A lot of amateur masseuse wannabees are out there, and with only a few minutes of typing, they can convince you they are the erotic masseuse of your dreams.  

But when you get there, you discover it's really a women twice the age she described who looks nothing like the Glamour shot she sent you, inside her dirty, cigarette-smoke filled apartment.  And nothing ruins the mood of a full-body sensual massage quicker than spotting the waste paper basket filled with used condoms and the baby crying in the other room.

THAT is why I suggest you just start with a phone book.  Now cash that damn check and get your ass in here!

CJ

Confessions of an Erotic TV Critic

Trina and I made it a point to sit down and watch the Client List. Made popcorn and everything. And after watching it we only had one question...

Where is this place and are they hiring?

Let me tell you, we laughed our asses off for an entire hour. And not just at the wildly fake stuff either - but at the parts they actually got right. I mean there were some bits in there where Trina and I just looked at each other and said "Remember that!?" I mean who hasn't left work to find the word "whore" spray painted on her car? Heck, around here we used to call that Tuesday.

Now I pray that no one who watches this crap thinks this is really what it's like inside a massage parlor. I could only dream of working in a place this fancy and with a clientele of very rich young men who apparently have a LOT of time to exercise. And the one guy who's not great looking is emotionally frail and wants to talk about his FEELINGS... which basically makes The Client List a perfect example of porn for women.

Let me tell ya, if I wasn't too busy laughing my ass off, I would have been taking care of my own business. But that doesn't mean it was all BS. In fact, they did manage to get some things right. For example:

1) The Rub actually reminded me a lot of the first place I worked. Not so much because it was all swank, but more of the dynamic between the girls. Everyone had a story, and between 6 different girls, there was no lack of drama.

2) Sensitive guys who want to talk. Believe it or not, some guys just want to talk. There is definitely something about being naked in front of a total stranger that can get men to talk about some of their deepest secrets. Some of the many roles I play in session (apart from schoolgirl and babysitter) is confidante and psychiatrist. They pour their hearts out and I listen and throw in my two cents. I don't know how many times I've listened to husbands ask for advice about their wives, and I help them out as best I can. Of course I still end up jerking them off afterwards, but at least they're trying to improve their relationships at home.

3) Occasional profanity scrawled on a car. OK - maybe not all that often, but we've all felt the wrath of an angry spouse who has finally tracked down where all those credit card statements have been coming from. Of course those confrontations never ended with the wife crying and begging for advice on pleasing her man.

Now for all the phony stuff. The biggest inaccuracies would probably be...

1) Plethora of hot young male customers. Forget it. Total fiction. Not in a million year. You want to know what our typical customers look like? Try visiting Walmart after 11pm on a Thursday night.

2) Boss with a heart of gold. Really? Total cliche. After all the stories I've told you about Audrey, how could anyone believe this. Most owners are either greedy women fighting you for customers, or pervy guys who are nothing more than pimps in polo shirts.

3) Endless supply of sexy lingerie. I have to admit that Jennifer looked good in each individual outfit she had for each customer, but truth of the matter is that I'm usually performing in my own bra and panties. And when a guy does bring in something for me to wear, it's usually the cheapest polyester made-in-china shit you can find in the clearance bin of K-Mart. Words cannot do justice to some of the tasteless ensembles I've been asked to wear. Of course, when most outfits are destined to be cum-stained trash at the end of the session, I guess the quality isn't terribly important.

4) Wives asking us for advice. Yeah right. Asking us to rot in hell and die, maybe - but not for advice.

I think this series has potential, but the problem is that it's totally for chicks - not dudes. And that's not surprising considering it's on Lifetime. What guys want is something on HBO that would feature lots of hot topless women who's actual job description is getting guys off. Now that would be the REAL Client List.

CJ

I can't see any readers if I want to remain anonymous

That is probably the most common thing I say in emails. I really wish I didn't have to say it since we could really use the business, but I need to protect myself. Most guys are cool with it, but then there are some of my more zealous fans who try flattery, bribery and on the rare occasion cajolery to get me to change my mind.

I think the most imaginative idea was a private limo to take me to a hotel where my prospective customer would be waiting blindfolded. He would never see me and I would get to practice my craft in total anonymity. Hmmmmm... the blindfolded option. I can see it now... blindfolds, scented candles, feathers, soft music.

But I digress.

This brings me to my most insistent of fans. The guys who just won't take no for an answer. They beg. They lie. They threaten. I'm used to it. There's just something amusing about a guy threatening to call the cops, or out me over the internet. Heck, one guy said that if I saw him as a customer, he would protect me from all the other nutcases who were threatening me. Now that's original.

So when my Techno-Nerd Velma told me that someone was trying to post addresses where they might find me, she took matters into her own hands and deleted them. The way I see it, it's probably best if I don't show any addresses for any place around here. This is the dilemma...

Let's say someone actually figures out where I am and gives out the real address. There might be an increase in business, but more likely there will be some very nice men in crisp, clean uniforms asking me to explain this written journal documenting several years worth of prosecutable offenses.

Now let's say someone posts the address for another business. Do I care? Our competitor gets more customers. But chances are some unsuspecting girls are going to end up getting harassed too. So it ends up being a lose-lose for everyone.

The truth is that since I've started this blog, lots of guys have now found me. At this point I probably get 1 or 2 guys a month that ask if I am or know CJ. And I tell them what I tell everyone else... "What the heck are you talking about?" And I can say that here because chances are that's what girls all over the valley are saying every day.

So I'm going to let Velma keep an eye on the blog and maybe even turn off the comments feature for now. Sorry about that guys. I really want some of this drama to end so I can get back to some good old fashioned tales of perversion!

CJ

Tales of an Erotic Blogger

Hey guys. Sorry that I disappeared again, but I was dealing with a lot of bullshit around here, not the least of which was the pain in the ass this blog has become. Not that I hate sharing stories or anything, but a reader turned me on to something that really got to me. Apparently, someone has (or rather had) been reposting my entire blog as their own website. I won't go into details since I don't want to give them any more attention than they deserve, but let's just say that when I saw it for myself I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I cried for like 2 days before I calmed down and figured out what to do.

I contacted my Techno-nerd Velma. She's a computer geek, so she figured out what to do. So a big Thank You to her and and an even bigger Thank You to the guy who originally emailed me about it. You know who you are!

I was pretty upset about the whole thing, but it's not the first time someone has tried to scam me concerning this blog. Apart from all the guys who've been trying to set up an appointment with me, there are some strange people out there that have gone to great length to try to fuck with me.

At first I was naive enough to fall for some of this shit. It was mostly guys just asking where I was located. But when I refused to give out that info, guys started to ask if there was anyone local I would recommend. I fell for that at first, and a few guys actually figured out where I was just by the process of elimination.

So now my policy is not to mention ANY parlors. Even the one owned by my girlfriend up north! Which is a damn shame because we could both use the business. But then I got a few offers from guys who wanted to do business with me. The most common was the offer of "Consultant" to some imaginary "Producer" who was working on some project about the inside world of massage parlors. But I think the most creative idea was for me to travel the country and perform my craft in various massage parlors around the country - or as I liked to call it, committing a misdemeanor on camera in multiple states.

Now one scam that I did fall for was a phony magazine interview. I have done a few interviews with people who have contacted me personally, the most famous of which was the disastrous Playboy Radio interview. So when this young lady contacted me from a very real magazine asking me if I'd chat with her about The Business, it was nothing unusual. She more or less proved that she was legitimate - in that she really was calling from the offices of a real publication. So I gladly called her for a little chat.

It was the usual stuff at first, "How long have you done this?" "Do you like it?" "What's the typical stuff that you do?" Etc... But then the questions changed.

"Do you see married men?" "Have you ever been confronted by a wife?" "Are you OK with what you do?" And my personal favorite... "Don't you know you ruin families?" Not that this last one was really a question, but I appreciated her sentiment. She wasn't asking me questions about The Business, she was trying to figure out if her husband was cheating on her.

From the general gist of her questions, I determined the answer was yes. I didn't tell her.

CJ

The Early Bird Special

Now that I'm not spending most of my free time at Derek's place, I have no excuse not to write stuff for the blog. In fact, I think I've gotten over my slump and I find it fun to talk about things at work again. So first, a quick update about The Business.

Numbers are up as we enter the 2nd quarter of 2012. Around here, that's just a fancy way of saying we must be busy because my arms are tired. According to Maude, our session numbers are up, but session times are down compared to last year. This basically means that more guys have disposable income, but they're not paying for extras and options.

I'm not complaining since we're seeing the return of some Regulars who had to give up our services a couple years ago in exchange for food, rent and gasoline. And with the extra customers, Audrey is bugging me to hire someone permanently. She still doesn't know that Cindy has been moonlighting for me, but even that hasn't been enough to cover the extra work.

Let me put it to you this way, if you walk into a massage parlor and you see the waiting room actually being used by another customer - then business is booming. One of the cardinal rules of any parlor is Never Let The Customers See Each Other. I guess for some guys it's embarassing enough that they have to use our services, so letting other guys know they're using our services even though those guys are also using our services is just a no-no. So our front area is set up so we can sit at the most 2 customers without them facing each other.

Trina and I have been alternating shifts during weekdays and then working together on Friday and Saturday nights. Cindy has been providing us with relief on night shifts to avoid Maude. But where we could really use help now is Wednesday and Thursday day shift. This is when we get most of our "mature" clientele.

In fact, we get so many seniors on those days that I'm thinking of running an Early-Bird Special. I am not kidding. When the older gentlemen get their social security checks, they all want 60 minute sessions. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just that some of these guys just want to keep talking and talking and talking. Before I know it, a 1 hour session keeps me unavailable for 2 hours.

They talk before the session. They chat during the session. They gossip after the session. And when it's just me on a Thursday morning, it's not unusual to finish an appointment and find 2 more customers waiting, while a 3rd is chatting up Maude! Speaking of which - Maude is great with the old timers. She's old enough to relate to them, but young enough to still be addressed as "Young Lady."

Now don't get me wrong - I love these guys. Some of my older customers have been Regulars since my first employer. Not THAT'S loyalty. And they can be the sweetest guys on the planet. I just don't need all of them to show up on the same day right before lunch.

It doesn't help either that they usually require longer happy endings. So by the time I get one out the door, I barely get any time to rest and freshen up before Maude is stuffing the next guy in my room. And to make things worse (and I am not making this up) old guys on average have the biggest penises. I don't know what it is - I can only guess they keep growing with age. But the biggest ones I've ever had to work with were attached to really old men who were in no condition to use them properly.

Maybe this is just proof that God has a sense of humor.

Anyway, this is why I'm seriously considering a "Senior Special" on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe offer 30 minute sessions at half price. In the room we could bring back the "fully clothed" or even "bra" option so I can get ready for the next guy in a fraction of the time. Washing my hands and throwing a shirt back on is soooooo much quicker than having to rinse off in the shower, dry off, and completely dress up again. I'd do the fully clothed session for $40 and the bra option for $60. Touch within reason would be an extra $20. I swear that most of the older guys don't even notice that I'm naked, so why bother paying for it, right?

I can start offering the cheaper clothing options now, but I'll need Audrey's approval for a reduced door fee. I know she's gonna bitch about it, but we'll see. In the meanwhile, let me go find my bottle of White Diamonds and catch up on the news so I know what everyone is complaining about.

CJ

Trina is a dirty fucking whore

And I thank her for getting me out of my depression...

Sorry if it's taken me a while to get back to my old self. But that's the problem with just blabbing about whatever happens around here - either it's interesting or it's not. And for a while there I really had nothing to say.

I've said it a dozen times before - I'm really no good at making anything up. So if I have nothing to say about work, then I have nothing to write about either. Then by the looks of the comments, you guys get bored and restless. But as they say... shit flows downhill.

So to all you guys out there that are bored of me bitching about my own personal heartache - go fuck yourself.

And with that said, let's poke more fun at Trina! She laughed when she read what I said about her the other day. In fact, she thought I was being kind for not going into the gory details. Too bad I'm not feeling kind today...

It really was a total revelation to me that Trina touches herself FOR REAL at work, let alone actually gest off on it! And yes, I do realize I confessed a long time ago that I ONCE (and only once) got off during a session. But that was unintentional and even surprised the shit out of me.

And for those of you who are too lazy to try to dig up that old story, I was once doing a session where the customer basically wanted to do a dry hump. Not an unusual request, and I do offer it as an extra to guys I'm pretty sure aren't serial rapists (boy do I have high standards!). In this case, I was doing a "cowgirl" where he lies down while I ride him. Anyway, we had established a very soothing rhythm where my clit was just barely being stimulated by the grinding motion - certainly not enough to bring me to orgasm if it were actual sex.

I really wasn't worried since it wasn't a hard grind. But what I should have been worried about was his voice. He started off with the "sexy" talk... "Hey girly... You're so hot... you like that..." etc. But then he switched over to a more romantic talk, and THAT is what got me. "You're soooo beautiful... I just want to make you happy... I want to look at you..." Well before I knew it, my legs started to tremble and what I thought was a stomach cramp started to move waaaaaaaaay down south. Before I knew it, I was actually cumming on top of my customer.

When I finally realized what was happening, I literally jumped up off the table - leaving my guy in mid hump. I was so self conscious about what was happening to me that I just grabbed my clothes off the floor and ran out of the room - completely naked. I'm so bad that I don't even let my boyfriends look at me when I'm cumming. I'm that kind of girl that grabs the guys head and pulls it to her, or I'll pull a pillow over my face, ANYTHING to hide my expression.

But apparently Trina is the complete opposite. She told me that not only does she not mind showing off her O-Face, but she doesn't really care what the guy is doing, saying, thinking, whatever at that moment. So I asked her exactly what goes down during one of her sessions when they request the Takin'-Care'-O-Business option.

I mean I know what I do. I'll sort of rub my fingers across my lips, but not really directly on my clit. I'll then curl up a finger or 2 and pretend to stick them inside my pussy. Seems to make most guys happy. And toys - forget it.

Trina said bring it on. Not only does she REALLY rub her clit, she will also finger herself (for an extra tip), and even use toys (for a really big tip). If you just want the basic masterbation show, she'll charge an extra $50 or so and she'll really bring herself to orgasm while the customer watches. She said the best part about it is that the guy usually takes care of his own happy ending, and it makes the session more enjoyable for herself.

Now what about the toys you ask? She said for an extra $100 or so, she'll use a toy as long as it's new in an unopened box. I asked her exactly how a toy session works and Trina likes them better than a standard session because the massage goes out the window. She doesn't let the customer use the toy on her, except for a few special guys that she's really comfortable with. Then she'll spend the time fucking herself with the dildo while the guy watches and jerks himself off. I had to know if she can get off doing it with a toy, and she said usually not - unless it has a vibrating component that works the clit like a rabbit or something.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Trina is like a sister to me. If I had a dirty, slutty sister.

CJ

The Trina Enigma

There are things I talk too much about and things I don't talk enough about. And one of those things is Trina.

Trina is like wallpaper. She's just there. That's one of the things I love about her. She just shows up, does her job and goes home. No drama. No complaining. No craziness. Makes for a great coworker and a great best friend. And that's probably the reason why I never really talk about her. Everything that happens to her happens to me. My stories are her stories.

Or so I thought.

We were still close when I left The Business. But I was gone for so long that I kinda lost track of what she was up to at work. For a long time there she was The Business. It turns out that Audrey brought a couple of new girls in every now and then, but for the most part Trina held everything together while I was gone.

In the past, Audrey was always the busiest girl with roughly half the appointments. Then there was me, and finally Trina. She has her Regulars, but where she made her money was with the walk-ins. I guess you could say that where she lacks in Regulars, she makes up with in newbies.

When The Business was in full swing a couple of years ago and we worked with Audrey, Cindy and others, each of us had our own little thing going.

For example, Audrey considered herself the resident "Rocker Chick." She wore a little too much makeup, and kept her clothes a little too tight. And that hair style was just a tad bit too big for her head. I personally thought of her as the "Slutty Grandmother." Hey - some guys are into that. And from what I heard from the customers, she actually looked kinda hot with a cock in her mouth.

Cindy with her tattoos, funky hair and sleazy clothes was a "Dirty Girl." And after the implants, she became the "Stripper Girl." Not that she danced - but between the fake boobs, massage skills, and low sense of morals she became a triple threat.

Then there's yours truly. I've always considered myself the "Hot Chick" at work. Turns out I was only partially right. Based on what a lot of customers told me, I was known as the "Hot Chick I Used To Know In High School But Would Never Ever Give Me The Time Of Day But Oh How The Tables Have Turned" Girl.

Now Trina is the perfect example of the "Girl Next Door." She doesn't have the tattoo's of Cindy, Audrey's sluttiness, or even my rack. But she is really really pretty. And the customers tell me that what makes her so appealing is that she's "get-able." At least that's the word I've heard used. So I guess what I'm saying is that Trina is like the girl that didn't get away. I've always said that what guys want is a girl that looks like a slightly hotter version of their current or ex girlfriend/wife.

And she likes to masterbate in front of the customers.

Oooops. Did I say that? It's OK - Trina said I could talk about it. She confessed this to me just recently - that she does a little self gratification show for her "special" customers. All this time and I had no idea. Not that a girl touching herself in session is a surprise - in fact I offer that as an extra myself. Except that I don't do it for real.

Now here's the shocking part. Trina says she does it FOR REAL. At least for real most of the time. She admitted that one of her biggest perks at work is getting paid to jerk herself off. I guess most jobs don't include that. Personally I don't think I could actually bring myself to have an orgasm at work, but Trina says she does it all the time.

And why not she argues. She gets off. He gets off. Everyone wins.

I guess. The idea just kinda creeps me out. I just don't think I could ever get that relaxed at work. Especially in front of a guy I barely know. For me an orgasm is not something I can just whip up in 2 minutes. I think I admitted this before, but one of my little quirks is that I simply cannot show my "O-face" to anyone. Even the guy I'm fucking! And now I hear that my BFF does it for tips!

Oh well. Learn something new every day. There were even a couple of Trina stories that I was kinda shocked to hear, but I'll share those later. I'm just glad I'm able to actually talk about something other than the obvious.

CJ

Happy Mother Fucking Valentines Day

Look guys... sorry if you think the blog has become a bummer lately, but I've been a little preoccupied. I mean nowadays not much seems funny or even fun, so it's been hard to sit down and try to think of something to talk about. I really really really didn't want to talk about Derek and our fucked up situation but every time I try to talk about anything else, it always comes right back to it.

So I'm going to just say screw it and just get it over with. I'm really upset with what's going on and I'm not sure how we're going to get through it. This has been a pretty miserable couple of weeks, and it all started with that fucked up shit we call St. Valentines Day.

I wonder how many sad stories start off with that? Anyway, it all started a couple days before the 14th when Derek started dropping hints about a little "surprise" he was planning. Well that's fine and dandy, but I worked the evening shift on the 14th and only assumed he meant before or after.

But oh nooooooooo... he wanted to do something AT work. I mean sending flowers is one thing, but he actually wanted to come down and take me out to dinner. I was like "No... I'm working." Well, he started to argue that since I'm the new boss, I should be able to do whatever I want and let the other girls handle it without me.

Now Derek may know the address of where I work, and he knows I'm friends with Trina. BUT, he does not know that this "spa" only has a crew of 2 and a half girls plus 1 receptionist (yes - Cindy is still a "half" but that's another story). And on the night shift it's hard to explain how the place runs with just 1 girl.

So I kept telling him to just let it go. Work is work and he can have before or after. Even if it wasn't fucking Valentines Day, I still wouldn't want him to see me in the middle of a work day. For the next 8 hours I am "CJ" - fun loving and highly skilled erotic masseuse. The other 16 hours I can be Derek's girlfriend. And during those 8 hours, I often have to do, say, and think things that I don't really want to do, say or think about afterwards.

I guess you can say I have a different persona at work, and stepping in and out of it isn't exactly easy. Normally I have 30 minutes in the morning to get into it and 30 minutes in the evening to get out. And that routine has worked just fine for me for years. So I want Derek to just show up in the middle of a work day as much as I would want my mom.

"So why don't you want me to see you at work!" he finally screamed at me.

And that's when things got ugly. Partly because he yelled at me, but mostly because of the real answer to that question. Don't get me wrong - I've felt guilty before about my chosen profession, but never before quite like this. I mean I felt BAD.

And I hated him for it.

And that's where things left off. I haven't seen him, but we have spoken on the phone a few times. And we've exchanged A LOT of text messages. I mean that's gotta be worth something, right?

What it boils down to is that he still hasn't put 2 and 2 together regarding me and my exotic lifestyle. I can probably chalk that up to the fact that he has absolutely no concept of what the number 2 really means, and why that would be associated with little old me. His innocence is definitely one of his most endearing charms - and another reason why I go through such pains to keep my work life as far away from my home life as possible.

Derek once told me that when he was a kid, he cried for days when someone said there is no Santa Claus. So just imagine what any single story from this blog might do to him...

... And this is why I'm thinking very seriously about how I want to proceed at this point. Is it worth maintaining the lie just for us to crash and burn later? Or is this just the Good Lord's way of letting me get out of this situation rather easily? I mean - it is what it is. We lasted a damn good long time (for me anyway). And it was pretty nice while it lasted.

I asked you guys for "advice" a couple weeks ago, and at the time I was just trying to be funny. But then I saw just how serious some of your responses were. And I even had some honest talks with some of you by email. But now that all this has happened, it's not funny anymore.

Sorry if I can't squeeze a happy ending out of this story. Maybe next time.

CJ

Derek and I are taking a break. And I can honestly say that's not code for "we had a huge fight" or "we've broken up." We just seem to be not talking at the moment and don't know how to break up the rut we're in.

You see, we had a huge gigantic monster fight about 2 weeks ago now. And it wasn't because he finally figured out what I do for a living. It was more about how he still doesn't really know what I do for a living. Of course it wasn't in so many words. The basic gist of it is that I don't really "share" everything with him. And that fight began over me not wanting him to come meet me at work for lunch.

I swear he's such a girl sometimes.

I mean this is the really the first time I've EVER had this issue with a guy. Everyone else before him didn't give a rat's ass where I was or what I did for 8 hours of my day, 5 days a week. Then along comes Derek and he's all like "Tell me about your day" or "Why haven't I met your co-workers?" or "Why do you always keep a pair of panties in your front pocket?"

Because they're easier to sell that way... Duh.

Anyway, that's the big news. Kinda makes talking about work seem meaningless. Sorry.

CJ

The Derek Dilemma

Hey guys. I'm over my cold in case you were wondering, but that's because I gave it to Maude. It's so bad she isn't speaking to me. She says it's all my fault for not regularly taking advantage of the 15 bottles of Purell she has carefully set on every flat surface of The Business.

But that's the least of my concerns right now. I know what you're thinking... "What concerns could you possibly have now that you're the co-manager and partner of a massage parlor? Why you're practically living the dream!" Yes, to the casual observer I may appear to lead a charmed life. But I do have my share of problems.

And my biggest problem right now is named Derek. Well, he's not exactly the problem, but more sort of the complex and delicate situation I've created with him. It all started a long time ago when he first asked me "So what do you do for a living?" Well, I kinda told a tiny little fib, then covered it up with a white lie, wrapped it up in an untruth, stuffed it down a deceit, and then buried it in a fabrication before burning it down inside an abandoned warehouse of fraud.

I told Derek "I'm a shampooist."

99% of the time, that has satisfied the curiosity of most guys. In fact, I swear I can hear a checkbox being ticked off inside a guys head after I've answered that question - freeing him to ask me if I have any tattoos or if I want another drink.

And that answer seemed to satisfy Derek - for a while. But now let's go back to to last summer when I walked out of The Business. Suddenly I was an unemployed shampooist. And you know what an unemployed shampooist cannot do? Go independent. Whoever heard of an outcall shampooist?

So now I had to explain to Derek why I had to go visit "clients" to make money. At first I told stories about how I was picking up a couple bucks a week by visiting my mothers friends at home and doing their hair. Believable. At first. But then as my appointments started to pick up, I couldn't claim that I was washing the same head of hair over and over again.

That's when I kinda sorta casually mentioned that I started offering therapeutic massages.

To my mom's friends.

And some of their friends.

At really weird hours.

Several times a week.

I had to dig up my old massage table from my mom's basement and throw it in the back of my truck! I found some of my old books from massage school and left them around my place for Derek to find! "Oh, did I forget to tell you that took a class or 2 in massage therapy a while ago? I mean, I never used it or anything. Except for that one time... I may have had a job... at a place... somehere... but it never worked out."

I kept this up for a while and right when it finally started to look like I was gonna get away with it - Audrey called me up and offered me a sweet deal. Fuck!!! Now I need a whole new set of lies to cover up the previous lies, and justify the new lies. How on Earth could I go from unemployed shampooist to co-manager in 9 months? Even this was a stretch for a skilled deceptionist like me. How could I convince him I was one hell of a shampooer?

Part of me wants to just come clean and say "Derek, I jerk guys off for a living." In fact, I've dreamed about that over and over again for a very long time. It would probably be the most freeing and stress relieving statement I could make at this point in my life. But the practical part of me wants to say...

"... Insert perfect lie here..."

And this is where you guys come in. I would love to know what the perfect lie would be. I mean, I can't even figure it out.

Honestly, I think the ideal thing is going to be something between the truth and a lie. A sort of quasi-lie or truthy-fib. I'm pretty good at those. Another option is what I call the "joking truth." This is where I actually tell the truth but as a joke. For example, "Why did Audrey put me in charge? Because I love to get naked and jerk off my customers - duh." This way I can always claim to Derek that I told him the truth and it's not my fault if he didn't believe me.

So can you guys out there do better? Points given for the most original solution. And points subtracted for each use of the word "whore." Good luck

CJ

Open For Business

Hey guys! I'm feeling much better now and back to work as usual. And unfortunately that means that I had to let Cindy go. She knew it was coming, so it wasn't a big deal. But while she was here, she did manage to reconnect with some of her old Regulars and set up some outcalls. And even during the peak of my mucous-fest, we got a request for a double massage.

That was an interesting session. When I tried to explain to "Charlie" that I wasn't exactly feeling 100%, he quickly pointed out "... those titties ain't sick..." Cindy and I have since decided to sell T-shirts with that quote on them.

Anyway, Cindy wanted nothing to do with me, so she stayed as far away from me in that 10x10 room as possible. It was kinda funny - I would massage a leg, then she wouldn't touch it afterwards. I would move to the bottom of the table, and she would move to the top. Well I enjoy fucking with Cindy's head as much as anyone else - but I knew I couldn't keep it up without leaving her SOMETHING to massage. That pretty much ruled out Charlie's penis. And the soft-core lesbian show - forget about it.

Well, I was quickly losing my energy so I turned the massage and happy ending over to Cindy while I took the job of "teaser." In other words, while she was doing all the work, I just had to act sexy and tease the shit out of him. It's harder than it sounds - especially when you can't breathe through your nose and keep coughing up things that are green.

So Cindy was on Charlies right side working his cock while I was on the left, pretending to be sexy. I have to admit to you right now - I fucking phoned it in. I stood there with my red nose, bags under my eyes, coughing, sneezing and blowing my nose (are you touching yourself yet?). I ran through my catalog of "Things Guys Like To Watch Girls Do" - only really really fast.

I grabbed my breasts and gave them a squeeze. Then I bounced up and down for a few seconds. I licked my nipples. I lifted my arms up and ran my fingers through my hair. Then I swayed left and right so The Girls were bouncing back and forth. Now before you think any of this is sexy, keep in mind I did all of them within the space of a minute.

THAT is how sick I felt.

Cindy noticed that I was pretty much being useless and realized she had to kick up her game. So now she starts to moan, squeeze her own breasts and lick her lips. It's like we're doing a slutty version of dueling banjos. But I'm tired and ready to sit down so I just give up. I realize that the best thing in this situation is to draw the attention away from me. I told Cindy to move over and let me finish him. I may not be much to look at, but I can at least perform a decent handjob.

Cindy's handjob technique is a good old fashioned single hand with a top twist. It puts a decent, rhythmic motion on the shaft combined with a burst of sensation on the head. Doesn't work for all guys but Charlie didn't seem to mind. I mimic her technique since guys usually don't appreciate a switch in the middle. The difference is instead of my whole palm, I take only my thumb and run it completely over the head in a quick snaking motion. I think it's more of a tease and not as overwhelming as the entire hand.

Cindy move over to the top of the table and lowers her breasts into Charlie's face. This is more like it and it finally works. Charlie cums in a loud groan and sort of spasms a few times. And none to soon because I really really really need to blow my nose at this point.

And take a nap.

CJ

Closed Due To Illness

Like everybody else out there, I've been out sick for over a week now. And when I say "out sick" I mean I've still been going to work even though I should be locked up in a hospital under quarantine. Do you guys think it's unethical of me to show up to work anyway when I'm this bad off? Especially when you consider I'm close enough to breathe on them and touch them with my germy-sicky hands?

Well the correct answer is "yes - that's pretty fucked up." And I agree with you. And that's why I haven't laid off Cindy yet. Last Friday when I was at my worst, I was so achy I could barely move. BUT, someone had to cover the night shift and there was no way in heck I was gonna let Cindy stay there all by herself. Besides, I still need to sneak her in after Maude goes home.

So for half of last week, I could be found crashed on the office couch underneath a pile of used tissues and empty sudafed boxes while Cindy was doing Lord knows what in session. Honestly, I felt like such crap that she could have been hosting gangbangs for all I cared.

Regulars or anyone else who specifically asked for me, I would explain to them my situation and if they still wanted to come in - well that was their choice. Whenever I'm sick, tired, hungover, etc., I sometimes offer my "Mutual Special." For the price of a nude, I'll let the customer massage me instead. It's a win-win because I don't have to do anything, and I still get paid.

The mutual is an interesting option because I'm never quite sure what I'm going to get. Let's face it, it's basically just a free pass for a customer to play with The Girls. But what's interesting is how they exercise it. Some guys will actually put in a good effort at massaging me - saving The Girls for last. Other guys have just flipped me over onto my back, sprayed a generous helping of baby oil on my breasts, then gone to town - massaging here, rubbing there, and then sneaking in a nipple pinch every now and then. And then I had one guy who basically dry humped my leg while he massaged my back, and then came all over the table.

But I digress. What I'm trying to say is that I did manage to see a few customers over the last week, but at their own risk. I guess once my top is off, they can pretty much ignore anything from my nose up. And Cindy was there for me - always ready to take the next customer.

I was originally planning on NOT bringing her back to work shortly after new years. She knows it, so don't start hating me yet. But I have to admit that it's been kinda nice having her around - like the old days. Except that I'm twice as paranoid that she's going to steal something or get us raided.

I'm feeling better today. For the first time I have NOT finished an entire box of tissues in one day. I see that as a good sign. Believe it or not, there are some guys who do not find a pile of used tissues on the floor very sexy.

CJ

Good Riddance 2011

One day into the new year and the drama begins. Christmas was busy enough between work and shopping and family and all, so I really had no intention of writing anything till after the holidays.

We were holding down the fort pretty well with Trina, Cindy and myself. Business was slow but steady. Cindy was actually showing up on time and not making an ass of herself. Audrey was truly butting out of my business. Maude had the place tastefully decked out in Christmas cheer. And everything was going pretty good between me and Derek.

Then Sugar Daddy Pete showed up.

It was last Thursday and I had just sneaked in Cindy to help me with the night shift. I was sitting at the front desk when he just walked as if he had just stepped out a minute ago.

"Hello beautiful. Can I get a massage?"

I think my jaw hit the floor. I hadn't heard a peep out of him since last spring. And even then it was through Cindy. Now here he is standing and grinning in front of me as if we were old friends. But I have to remind myself that we're not old friends. He's just another customer that I've only seen a couple of times. I know one of those times was at his place, but still - it was more or less business. Just business.

So why are the butterflies coming back to my stomach? Why am I suddenly back in high school talking to the popular kid? I can't even remember Derek's name. And now this man wants a session with me.

Luckily Cindy didn't come up front. He asked about her and I said she was "fine." But I made sure to get him in the room quickly. He took a standard 1 hour session, but we were probably in there closer to 90 minutes. We never even talked options or extras. I just undressed completely and told him to do the same. Normally I leave the room while the customer gets ready, but in this case I stayed. Partly because I didn't want to run into Cindy and partly because I wanted to watch him take his clothes off.

I swear - it felt like our conversation just picked up naturally from the last moment we saw each other. He said he was single. I said I was single. I also said Cindy was engaged, so that pretty much sums up my state of mind. Turns out he didn't get rid of the house he was building out in Amish country. Instead, it went unfinished and he's only just now getting the work started again.

He wants to coming in on a regular basis after the holidays. I've heard all this before, so I'll believe it when I see it. But in the meanwhile I said a lot of things I shouldn't have said. I mean, I've done some fucked up shit at work, then showed up on a date as Derek's faithful loving girlfriend without so much as a blink. But just the stuff I said and thought about with Pete made me feel like I had totally cheated on him. And it ended up just being a normal session with happy ending. Nothing weird - just the standard handjob. Pete didn't ask for anything else, and I didn't offer.

And that was my New Years. Three days of second guessing, regret and guilt about a guy I saw for 90 minutes. Ugh.

Happy New Year. Yeah right.

CJ

Merry Christmas!!!

My first official act as "co-manager" of The Business was to start looking again to hire another girl. My first un-official act was to bring Cindy out of retirement and help me out for the holidays.

You heard right guys - your favorite slutty, discount, masseuse is back for a limited time, so take advantage of this exclusive opportunity to get full service at half-service prices. And yes - she does know about the blog but I don't think she'll read it any time soon. She hocked her laptop to buy weed a looooong time ago.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. She needed the work, and I needed the help. Damned if Trina and I are going to cover 80 hours worth of shifts a week all by ourselves. AND at Christmas time. The real problem is hiding her from Maude so Audrey doesn't know. So she's basically been helping out with the night and weekend shifts for about 2 weeks now.

The pros are better shift coverage, help with nightly cleanup, and the ability to offer "Doubles" again (for newbies, doubles are 2 girls at one time). Cindy is great for doubles because she's more willing to take care of the cock, while I take care of everything else. And lastly, it's nice to just hang out with her just like in the old days.

The cons are I have to sneak her in, and I give up half my customers if the night is slow. And lastly, I'm stuck hanging out with her for hours on end. I mean, how many different ways are there to say that your baby-daddy is an asshole? I get it - he's a jerk. And after 4 straight hours of hearing about it, I want to find him myself and cut him up into small pieces with a rusty axe then hide the pieces in a series of hermetically sealed mayonaise jars buried behind a gas station.

I guess what I'm trying to say is Merry Christmas!

CJ

Back To Work

It's a relief and it's awkward at the same time. What's nice is having a 40 hour schedule again. I can set my alarm clock. I know where I'm going to be every day now. And I don't have to lie to Derek anymore about my whereabouts. I can honestly look him in the eye and say "I am going to work."

The awkward part is coming back under less than ideal circumstances. I left for a reason and now I have to wonder if it's just a matter of time before things get fucked up again. But in the meantime I need to fix the train wreck that The Business has become since I've been gone.

Just like me they were relying on Regulars for a while. Trina said she'd take appointments at The Business, but for the most part there was no other reason to be in the building. She would just wait for either a customer or Maude to call. Most people who just showed up at the door were turned away by Maude. According to Trina, she was seeing about 10 - 15 customers a week this way.

But something about her story didn't add up. 10 sessions would be about $500 a week to Audrey, or $2000 a month. That couldn't possibly pay for Maude's salary, let alone monthly rent and utilities for The Business. So where did Audrey get all the money to keep the doors open AND pay for refurbishing the place? There's only one way - Audrey had to have come out of retirement.

So after a couple days of pestering Maude about what's REALLY been going on around here in my little absence, she confessed that Audrey had in fact been showing up "every now and then" to pick up some sessions. Honestly, I don't know how that girl does it. I thought she already had a full time job so I don't know where she got the energy to do that then run on over to her night job and earn enough money to keep The Business afloat. AND she was doing that while trying to avoid the cops that she knew were watching the place.

Phew.

I kinda guessed that waaaaay before the topic of me coming back to work ever came up in conversation. Not that it's really that big a deal to me. I'm coming back with most of the Regulars I kept during my time as an independent. Plus now I can pick up the occasional walk-in. We're still worried about anyone staking us out, so we screen the walk-ins more than usual.

My Regulars for the most part are happy I went back because it gives them a safe place to see me instead of their homes or hotel rooms. BUT... I'm still keeping a few Regulars on the side who don't need to come here. These are guys I trust more than usual, and don't mind seeing them outside The Business. There are just some bridges I don't want to burn just yet...

And on a side note, Maude is happy that "her girls" are back. In fact, she's already decorated for Christmas. She did it 2 days after my return. Got a tree, and everything. I wonder if she'd be interested in doing a Secret Santa with Trina and me?

CJ

I'm Back

Literally and literally (get it?). I started back at the Business just after Thanksgiving. Turns out they had been all but shut down for a couple months now. I knew what I was getting into since Trina kept me up to date on what was going on ever since I left. But my return isn't what's interesting - it's why I left in the first place.

For those of you who are new here, you can catch up on all the drama starting here. But to truly understand why I walked out in the first place, you gotta remember what bullshit I was up to the moment it happened. So start reading here. It's OK... I'll wait.

Done? OK... Basically the reason why I quit back in July is because I take my job waaaaaaaaay too seriously. I mean for a girl who gives handjobs for a living, it's really hard to do. You really have to try to pretend that any of this nonsense matters and that 40 hours of your week actually mean something. Let me explain.

I spent weeks looking for a girl to replace Cindy AND Audrey (remember them?). I mean, we lost 2 girls over the past 2 years and ran The Business without them. Audrey was a real loss even though I still think she's a lying, cheating, scumbag bitch. The problem is that she's a workaholic lying, cheating, scumbag bitch. So I knew replacing her was gonna be hard.

I ended up interviewing, I don't know - dozens of losers before narrowing it down to 2 girls who I thought might actually fit in. My main concern was personality fit, massage experience, customer appeal, and NO DRUGGIES. I'm not exaggerating when I say it took a couple months before I found some girls I actually liked. If I remember correctly, I think one was a plain girl with lots of therapeutic experience, and the other one had the right attitude, but no experience other than taking her clothes off in front of strangers.

Now remember, I'm interviewing for the position of Erotic Masseuse at a tiny massage parlor in backwater PA. It's not exactly Chief of Medicine in a big hospital. But like I said, I take my job waaaaaay too seriously. So imagine how I felt when Audrey called me up and said she hired a girl who was starting the next day.

Well first off, I was absolutely pissed off that she completely ignored all the work I put into this and stuck us with a total stranger. But it turned out that was just the start of the problems. When the girl (we'll call her Britney) showed up, she was pretty much the exact opposite of everything I wanted in a co-worker.

To put it in a nutshell, Audrey hired a meth addict that owed her money. End of story.

I guess she figured that if she actually gave this skank a job, then she'd be able to eventually pay her back. Look - I don't know anything about the drama that goes on around Audrey. Shit - I don't want to know the drama. But now I was in the middle of it, and that was why I walked out one bright and sunny day last summer.

Now to be fair, the term "skank" was of my choosing. Britney may have been quite virtuous for all I knew. But I do recognize a fucking tweaker when I see one. I mean Britney had bags under her eyes, needle tracks, and missing teeth. I don't know what customer in his right mind would look at her and say "I want HER - open sores are sexy...." I mean it was THAT bad.

So I left. In my mind, if I was going to hang on to any remaining shred of dignity that I had, there was no choice. It's not every day that your boss basically tells you that your job can be done by a fucking meth addict.

Turns out I was right. Shortly after I left, Trina said things starting "missing" around The Business. Then Trina said she had cash stolen out of her purse. Next Maude noticed the deposit wasn't balancing at the end of the night. And that was just the start...

The clientele started to change. A whole new crop of customers started showing up just to see Britney. In most cases it's fine and dandy to have your own Regulars, but according to Trina, these guys were just bad news. When you've been in the business as long as we have, you know what a customer looks like. Trina said guys were coming in for 15, 10 - even 5 minutes at a time. Sometimes Britney would take 2 guys "in session."

Of course it was all total bullshit, but she was bringing in customers and Audrey was making money, so she turned a blind eye to it. Then sometime in October, Britney was arrested on drug charges. NOT in The Business thank goodness. Finally Audrey woke up and realized that she was just a plea deal away from having The Business raided, everything seized as evidence and her going to jail. For all intents and purposes she closed up shop for a month. Trina said she was only seeing Regulars by appointment.

But I have to give it to Audrey - she can be pretty damn smart when she needs to. She didn't tell her sister to skip town for a couple months. Maude didn't go home - in fact she did the opposite. She stayed at work on a regular basis and gave the illusion that we were still a real salon. A salon without customers, but a legitimate business just the same. Audrey told Maude to supervise a "makeover" of the place. During the couple of months they were shut down, The Business got a fresh coat of paint, some needed maintenance, new carpeting, and even some new furniture. She just spaced it out very slowly over 2 months. Apparently Maude showed up every day to make sure everything went smoothly. Most days she sat there at work all by herself. Now THAT is a trooper.

And that's pretty much what happened while I was gone. But now I'm back and the goal is to rebuild our customer base. One of the conditions for me returning isn't just to hire a new girl or 2. I now have this sort of limited "partnership" I guess you'd call it. I get first say in some of the management aspects, and Maude is supposed to have the rest. Audrey will now be a "silent" partner. She still owns it, and collects the profits, but no more meddling in how it's run. What this may eventually lead to is me buying her out in a couple years. We'll see.

Now go ahead - tell me I'm crazy. I'm just happy at this point to have a regular 40-hour work week again.

CJ