What an awful weekend... I had to work all weekend and made no money, I had the WORST blind date ever (more on that later), I saw my ex with his new girlfriend, AND my car is crapping out.
This is the weekend that Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) decided to drop on by. Talk about being down and out! If there was a scale to measure desperation, I think I was about a 9.5 by Sunday afternoon when SDP showed up unexpectedly.
He gave me a song and dance about how he "lost" my number, blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. Even though I've been considering him as a potential Sugar Daddy, I gave him some attitude about it. Luckily he was OK with it and took me in session anyway.
I'm starting to get a better read on him. By his behavior I can tell that he's done the massage parlor thing before. He's very polite and knows exactly what to ask for and how to ask it (I think I'm going to do a post on massage parlor etiquette next for all you newbies out there). There was nothing unusual about our session. He took the hour with a mutual massage. I offered him a double, but he politely declined. Then we started talking.
Work has been keeping SDP busy, and that's why he hasn't been around lately, etc. etc. I think if you replace the word "work" with the word "wife" it better explains things - but that's just me thinking out loud! Anyway, he said that his vacation house is almost finished and was wondering if I'd like to see it... SOON.
Uh... wow. Like that isn't an obvious move on his part. There's nothing new about a rich guy asking to see me outside of work. What's not new is that I said yes. Fuck - I didn't even hesitate!!!!! That's the frame of mind I was in at the end of last weekend - desperate enough to agree to anything.
Now before any of you start writing hate mail calling me a whore, keep in mind that nothing's happened yet. The problem here is that whenever you agree to see a customer outside of work, there's always expectations... Is it a friendly thing? Is he expecting sex? Is he expecting a (sigh) date? He knows I'm not full service so I took this moment to kinda remind him ("kinda" being the operative word here). I think my exact words were, "Sure, I'd love to see the house."
OK, I lied. But I thought long and hard about whether to tell the truth to all you guys on the internet. Ugh. I'm not a whore if I haven't done anything whorey (whore-ish?) yet - right? He said it'll be the house, then dinner. That sounds innocent enough I guess.
It's time's like this that I really appreciate the upfront guys who just ask directly if I'll fuck them for money. At least it's honest and there's no pretense. You never have to ask yourself "What did he really mean by that?" Those guys I can handle with a simple "fuck no" and everything is back to normal and there's no hard feelings. But now I've set myself up in one of those vague situations that I'm sure I'm going to regret (and write about) later on.
That's one of the weird things about working in a massage parlor. Where else is the phrase "Could you suck my dick?" considered shop talk?
Our session ended quite nicely. And by "nicely" I mean I was handed a big wad of cash. Counting it after he left distracted me from my dilemma for about 10 minutes. Then I was on the phone asking Trina what the hell I should do.
"I'd fuck him."
Thanks Trina... you're not much help.
CJ
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21 comments:
i wish i could offer some sage advise...but if i was in his shoes, i would prob. would appreciate some clear bounderies. if sex is involved then YOU should initiate it. if HE initiates it, would he be a customer? tough call on that.
best of luck.
You say Whore like its a bad thing ;)
I can guarantee you this man is gonna try to get in your panties for free. If it were me, id go see the house and when he puts the moves on, id lay it out for him in one of two ways.
A. be up front. I want XX and I'll give you XX
B. Im looking for an arrangement.
see how he reacts.
Let me remind you that you shouldn't let your fear of other people's opinions dictate your actions. There are people who would call you a whore for the kind of work you already do. If you're ok with it, personally, then what's the problem? And why would you let other people know what you're doing if you know they'll judge you for it?
Just makes sure you are ok with it.
The last time you talked about SDP, I had the feeling there was some strange chemistry between the two of you, and I left a comment that was similar to Trina's advise. Several people didn't agree with me and I don't care. You shouldn't worry about what they think, either.
You're a big girl and can do as you wan't. (especially, when not at work) You said yes for a reason. If something happens, I wouldn't criticize you about it. You're entitled to a good time, if that's what YOU want.
If something does happen, I want to hear all the details in your blog. Don't hold out on us for fear of what others may or may not think.
AJ
If he invites you to his vacation house and you say yes...I dunno, if I were him I'd probably assume that meant that you were open to sex. If you decide you're not or you aren't sure, why not suggest just going out to dinner or something less serious like that?
Stick to your standards, they are the only thing in life you truly control. Not that you asked my advice. ;)
Here is something I would like to know. Do you actually find yourself attracted to this guy? If it weren't for the money would you want to check out his new place? I am not passing judgement, I am honestly curious where you would like to see this end up. If you actually have some feelings for him, and he happens to be a client, I do not think you nwould be considered a whore if you slept with the guy. Now, if he made a pass at you and you were about to comply and then you propositioned him with a dollar amount for the encounter to continue then, yes, I would consider that whorish. I would think that a guy does not get elevated to sugar daddy status just by having a fat wallet...or am I misunderstood?
Thanks for all the advice guys! Every little bit helps.
Do I find this guy attractive? Well, under normal conditions I would probably never date a guy old enough to be my dad. Not that he's bad looking or anything, I just tend to go for that "bad boy" look.
But, I will confess that there's this weird chemistry between us from the first day he walked in. And no matter how fat your wallet is, you can't buy that. I don't know how to explain it - it's like he makes me nervous, but in a good way.
Good enough to just fuck him for the Hell of it? He's no George Clooney! LOL
But good enough to fuck him for cash? NO ONE is that good! At least I used to think that until work dried up recently. And I think that's the problem...
Does that make any sense to you guys? Help!
CJ
You could always trust your instincts and decide when he makes his move. Decide ahead of time how much you need for the things he might want. Then when the time comes, you can either tell him what you need, or you can politely decline and say you don't do that. I suspect that you trust him to be respectful of you and treat you right. I won't judge you either way. Play it by ear, and see what happens. You might have a really good time.
AJ
Another question for you...does he think that he's going to get sex from you? I mean, does your gut tell you that he is expecting sex. If so, does he think he's become your firend and will be getting it for free? I only ask cause, I can imagine if he thinks that he's scored with you by getting you to see him outside of work, is he going to be floored if you proposition him for more money? Do you even think you could stomach fucking some guy in his yet to be finished vacation home?
One additional thing, if you DO sleep with him, be sure to set clear bounderies.
CJ,
Here is what I think;
If you do have sex with him for money than good for you, I'm sure your wallet could use it right now.
If you have sex with him just for the fun of it what does that mean for your business relationship? Do you want a outside relationship with this guy? Once you cross the sex for free line does he now expect that he should just invite you out and get some for free? Are you willing to loose a Sugar Daddy over some "office flirting?"
I will tell you this...I've mostly only gone for the "sensual massage" but a couple of times I have gone all the way to "full service". While not all of my massage experiences have been completely stellar, I can't say I really look back on many of them with much regret. But a lot of times when I think about it I'm really disappointed with myself with having given money for sex. Obviously it varies from person to person and it's probably different from the other end...but for me, while I thought it wouldn't be that different, it was.
Well, for what it's worth, I don't think he is expecting you to fuck him on your "date". It doesn't sound that way to me. In fact, it sounds like he is trying to send exactly the opposite message. And I honestly don't think you should crawl into the sack with him on the first date---no matter how you met or what the chemistry, there is no need for sex the first time out on a date. There is PLENTY of time for that later.
Is it possible you are over analyzing this? a little? Just go and have fun. See if the friendship side develops. See if he makes you laugh. Put the sex part out of your mind. Then decide how you feel about him when you wake up (alone) the next morning.
Have fun.
Hey CJ -
Just wanted to let you know that I discovered your blog this AM and have been fascinated - I love your stories! I think I've lost about 3 hours of the day reading about your work and life. You should seriously consider writing a book. Really. And I've never been to a parlour! (maybe that's why I'm so fascinated)
Oh and the Zen moment of leaving this comment? The little word-verifier command was to type in "unhand". How funny is that?
As for what to do about SDP...well, speaking as a man, I have to tell you that I think he'd obviously really like to get into your pants. Should you let him? Well, I dunno - obviously there's a lot for you to think about there. But, I wouldn't expect him to offer you very much respect after he gets what he wants. And you'll probably lose a good tipping customer, right? Just the thoughts of one guy, and advice is worth what you paid for it, right?
Be well, and be happy.
Yes, wife=work in all languages.
Of course he wants something. Your time, your attention and possibly your hot body.
It is what you want and what you want to give.
Go with the flow and leave a trail of breadcrumbs, just in case you need to find our way back out of this conundrum.
This is a relatively easy call.
You say you have chemistry with the guy. So you need to answer two questions:
1) Do I want to have sex with this guy?
and:
2) Would I be willing to enter into an exclusive mistress-esque relationship with this guy if it was offered?
The easiest thing to do is to agree to visit this guy's vacation home but make a promise to yourself that under no conditions are you going to sleep with him -- this time. Next time might be different. But on this, initial trip, sex is not an option.
After that, you have to talk to the guy and you both need to be as honest as possible about what you want and don't want and expect and don't expect from any kind of arrangement. Just put everything on the table and be clear about what's going on.
Then decide what you want and how much you want it.
Hope this helps.
As I pointed out in the past, the longer you stick with this as your only income source the more challenges to your standards you will face. As you age you will becocme less desireable. Your business is prone to economic fluctuations(such as right now). You are out-competed by full service salons. Etc etc. I've said all this before.
The real question in my mind is: At what point do you get out before your financial needs are defining your standards? Or do you?
At any rate, I've said all this before, and its not my life. Regardless of what you decide you seem to be a nice person. And in the end I imagine thats all that really matters...
Just DO It.
Nah, you shouldn't do it. If the cash was rolling in right now, would you consider it? Sounds like your answer would be "fuck no!"
There are other ways to make money. If you open up the door for SDP, who else will walk on through after him? What would stop you from going to full service again when times get tough?
Then again, I could argue that we only live once and who cares? If someone wanted to eff my nasty self for cash, I'd probably be selling ass out of the back of a van down on MLK Blvd.
"What did he really mean by that?" lol Welcome to OUR world, missy.
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