The Crackdown

One of the biggest topics of conversation around here lately is the recent crackdown on local parlors. At least we use the word "crackdown" but the local police chief denies it.

You see, it works like this... The local authorities really don't give a rats ass about the parlors around here. In fact, some of our nicest Regulars are local cops. And the town doesn't really care because we pay our taxes just like everyone else and we take up retail rental space that no one else wants.

Well last year the authorities raided a couple of the local Asian places because of concerns of human trafficking. Now for those of you "hobbyists" out there who still insist that there's no such thing, and all their girls are happy-go-lucky workers following time-honored Asian traditions of pleasing men - none of the girls were local. In fact, it turns out they were all trucked in from NYC and the Businesses were little more than fronts for the Asian mob. The girls were hauled off to jail and the parlors were shut down. Then a couple months later, the "Mama-san" of one of the places was found murdered.

Do I still need to convince you guys to buy American?

The place that was busted recently was not Asian, but employed all local girls. It's familiar to us, but none of us personally know any of the girls who were arrested; which is not unusual since there's a high turnover of girls in this business - especially in the full service places. That particular business is, for lack of a better word, a shithole. It's a dirty full service parlor and the girls there are known for being skanks.

We know this from the gossip we get from friends at other Businesses and customers who've been there. The guys have said that over the last year it went downhill and it was pretty much just sex only with no massage. And when a place turns from massage parlor to brothel, masseuses are replaced by drug addicts, dealers are setting up shop in the parking lots, crime goes up in the neighborhood, the locals finally complain, and BANG - you're busted.

You really have to be making waves before the cops are willing to put down the donuts long enough to do an investigation. So when 3 customers with cropped hair come in, take full sessions from 3 different girls, and then REFUSE their happy endings - it's time to clock out and not come back to work for a few days.

Oh - and that bullshit about a cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask? That's pure Hollywood fiction. What they can't do is take the happy ending. Testifying in court how you let the "suspect" go down on you while undercover doesn't fly with too many cop-wives.

But it's not like we don't get hassled every now and then. Once in a while someone will call the cops and say they "suspect" something, and then a cruiser ends up parked in our front lot for 2 days. It slows down business for a bit, but then it all blows over and everything is back to normal in a few days.

The last time someone called the cops on us, it was a customer. He was one of those nuts that comes in and DEMANDS full service when he knows nothing about us. Well, Trina ended up throwing him out and he threatened to call the cops if we didn't service him.

We told him to go right ahead - and he did.

The local cops showed up and asked us what the problem was. He said he was reporting us for forcing ourselves on him - a good law-abiding citizen. We told them exactly what happened - this perv demanded full service and we said "no." The cops hauled him away in handcuffs for harassment.

Of course it helps when one of the guys who shows up is a friend of a friend. And I swear that Audrey knows every cop within a 3 town radius.

And that's my take on the "crackdown." Don't worry - I'm pretty sure we'll still be open tomorrow.

CJ