Business As Usual

Remember last fall when I told all you guys that the parlor crackdown would end by election day? Well I was more or less right. I mean, what's the point of raiding a place if it's too late to help anyone get re-elected?

A bunch of girls and "mama-sans" were arrested. Now they're finally making their way to court and having their wrists slapped. I'm sure most of the girls arrested will start showing up at other businesses pretty soon.

According to my customers, possibly 2 or 3 different Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs) busted last year are now back up and running. I don't know if they're in the exact same locations or moved or whatever, but the rumor I hear is that the competition is back in town. And believe me - it's a lot easier to reopen than you think.

After a shutdown, the owner just pleads in court that "I had no idea" and will get the OK to start up again with the remaining girls who were NOT arrested. Then they'll just rely on Regulars for a couple months until the whole thing blows over. Heck - that's kinda what we did when the crackdown was in full swing.

Actually, let me back up and here and point out that a business isn't necessarily ordered to close it's doors AFTER a raid. Just because 2 scared girls got hauled away in handcuffs in front of a news camera in the morning for offering a handjob to an undercover cop, doesn't mean the afternoon shift gets the day off. In fact, an owner will want his place to stay open to prove to a judge later that it really is legit, and the girls who got arrested were just BAAAAAAAD girls.

My girlfriend who runs her own place was lucky enough to avoid the crackdown. But in her neck of the woods, the towns are hitting them with new ordinances to limit their hours, force inspections and review their hiring records. Basically it's the same crap they're supposed to be doing but just never botherws to. Any parlor that's halfway careful (like us) won't have any problems.

In other words, the new laws won't do shit. The girls are returning to work. The busted AMPs are reopening. And it's business as usual. Nice job guys.

CJ

Monday Night Football brought to you by HappyEndingz! - and other reasons why handjobs should be legal

You want to know what I think about all this nonsense about police raids and legalization and AMPs and stuff? Personally I think they should shut down ALL full service parlors, AMPs and brothels. That's right - ALL the full service places. From my experience around here, those places are all nasty, the girls are dirty, and they bring crime to their neighborhoods. There, I said it.

Am I being a hypocrite? No - I also think that whatever 2 consenting adults decide to do with each other for money is no one's business. So I'm actually OK with the whole escort thing. It's the full-service places I have a problem with.

You see once a place goes full service, it stops being about massage and starts becoming a brothel. Then the place stops hiring masseuses and starts hiring dirty girls with VD and drug problems (or if you're an AMP, you bring in the slaves). And before you know it, 3 people get shot in the parking lot over a crack deal gone bad. THAT is what happens when a massage parlor turns into a brothel. I don't have a problem with a guy paying for a blowjob - I have a problem with the drugs and violence that full-service places bring to a neighborhood.

As for handjob-only places - I think they should be legalized. We keep our businesses clean. We do our best NOT to hire druggies. And the only thing I'm a slave too is chocolate.

Yes - there are AMPs out there that are not worked by slaves and run by the mob, but the ones I've seen around here are. I've been in this business for a long time and I've seen dozens and dozens of girls come and go - but I have NEVER worked with an Asian girl who came from one of the local AMPs. NEVER.

Don't you think that at SOME time during my illustrious career, a girl from one of the AMPs would have come over to one of the other places looking for a better job? I know for a fact that we make more money because customers tell us what they tip at the AMPs. Our Business is much cleaner looking. We're not located in a ghetto. And heck - we even have health insurance!!!!!!

So please stop thinking that it's just an amazing coincidence that 99% of the Asian girls in The Valley have chosen to live together in a converted garage next to the train tracks.

And thats what I think. I mean, if the full-service places were regulated, kept clean, and didn't attract drug dealers and stuff, then I might feel different. I know it works in Nevada, but that's the reality here in SE PA.

And if HJ only places were legal - think about what our advertisements could say!

CJ

p.s. Come up with some catchy slogans!

To The Guy Looking For A "High Quality" Massage With Happy Ending...

Don't worry...

Several states in the northeast are trying to implement some new laws forbidding anyone without an LMT license to advertise "massage" services. PA plans to start cracking down on massage parlors next year by fining businesses and individuals without licenses, or with less than 5 years of "documented" experience. Other states are even shooting for jail time!!!

So if you're lucky, you'll be able to find a Business like ours that still employs LMTs to do the dirty work. The bad news is that it'll shut down a lot of the smaller places, and the ones that are full service.

The problem of course is that it'll be tough to implement. A lot of Businesses pay girls under the table so there's no proof that you've hired anyone without a license. And the Asian places have the ability to shut down in 1 day and open the next since a lot of them work out of rented houses instead of actual office space.

Then there's the internet and Craigslist. People will still be advertising their non-licensed services and it'll be almost impossible to track those people down. So in the end, it really is just a big waste of the cops time.

So just hang in there! Pretty soon all the amateurs will have to resort to "back alley" massages! LOL

CJ

Free Handjobs For Everyone!

Now that I have your attention - I noticed that my buddies Thorn and Reflex and have been going at it in the comments about the nature of The Business. Well there was one thing they brought up that I wanted to talk about.

You may have noticed that over the past year, I have tried to avoid the so called "legal" aspects of the erotic massage business. I did this intentionally since 1) I am not a lawyer, 2) I've always been uncomfortable debating what's "legal," and 3) I do NOT want to attract the attention of anyone interested in shutting us down. The way I look at it is that I provide relaxing massages and stress relief to customers who ask. That's it. I don't think there's any point in making any more out of it.

This is why I hate getting lumped under the term of "sex worker." On my left is a crack-ho and on my right is a stripper. I think I should be under "healthcare" since most of what I do is a form of therapy. Stay with me here... If I spend 40 minutes performing therapeutic massage, but only 5 minutes performing hand releases - then I'm technically 89% Therapist and only 11% Sex Worker. Heck - my services should be 89% covered by insurance!

Now there's something very important that I want to explain to all of you. I have never been paid for a handjob. Yes - you read that correctly. I have never accepted money in exchange for a hand release. I know that sounds contrary to everything I've talked about here, but that's what we are taught from the very beginning in this Business.

Let me explain... An Erotic Masseuse cannot accept money in exchange for a hand release. THAT would be prostitution. We can accept money for a massage and that's it. If you "tip" me for my services then I might get "more comfortable" in the room and remove various articles of clothing. And if I like you, then maybe I'll provide a little bit of stress relief in the form of a hand release at the very end.

I know that may sound like a load of crap, BUT that's our story and we swear by it. I remember at my very first job how my bosses sat me down and explained to me all the things we needed to do to cover our asses from a legal standpoint. This included:

The Speech
"If there's any part of your body you'd like me to massage, please indicate so by placing my hand there..."

The Release
We don't give handjobs, we provide hand releases.

The Happy Ending
Customers don't have to ask for it - we give them because we want to. I worked at this 1 place where we were REQUIRED to give happy endings to ALL customers - regardless of whether they tipped or not. So a guy could come in and just pay for a massage with no options, and we'd still have to take care of him. To make it worse, we didn't get paid for therapeutics, so more than once I gave hand releases basically for free!

Tipping
We don't get paid by customers, we get tipped. Some places also have weird rules about who handles money so there is never a direct exchange of cash with the masseuses.

Audrey has a lawyer (he's not just a lawyer, he's also a customer! LOL) who advises her on these things. He tells her what she can and can't say on legal documents, advertisements, logbooks, mail, etc. In fact, every place I've worked at had lawyers. You'd be surprised just how much paperwork is involved when running a business. Anyway, he also tells us what we can and can't say on the phone, in the rooms, etc.

Some of you are probably thinking that none of this matters if someone really wants to shut a Business down, and you may be right. But remember, we're not full service and if everyone sticks to the script then the neighbors won't notice us - and THAT's the key to staying in business. It's the full service brothels that get shut down way before the massage parlors. And that's usually because they drew too much attention to themselves, or they weren't keeping up with the payola.

So the lawbooks may try to lump all types of activity under "prostitution" but the reality is that some things are a hell of a lot harder to prove than others. I've never been in a place that got shut down, but I have left places that ended up getting shut down because I could see the writing on the wall.


The Business seems to be pretty safe at the moment, as long as Audrey and Trina don't do anything stupid. I kinda trust Audrey since I know she only does full service with some of her Regulars. It's Trina I'm worried about. I can see her saying the wrong thing to the wrong person and ruining it for all of us. She's kinda dumb that way, but that's another story...

CJ

Confessions of an Erotic Legal Assistant

One of you guys commented the other day about why we're not harrased by the authorities more often. This got me thinking (which is something I'm just sooooo not good at), so let me explain what I know. We're what’s known as a “nuisance” business. Basically, we’re in the same class as adult bookstores and tattoo parlors. From what I can figure, we’re called a “nuisance” because nobody really wants us around. But guess what? We pay our taxes and our rent in what would otherwise be abandoned office space. And THAT is precisely why the town doesn’t hassle us.

Sure – the locals would probably love to see a Starbucks here, or perhaps a boutique specializing in ceramic cats dressed as celebrities. But the fact of the matter is that places like us take up the retail space that no one else wants. Starbucks isn’t exactly itching for that spot at the end of the corridor behind the bail bondsman.

Please notice that we are NOT in the same category as strip clubs. Believe it or not, a “nuisance” business is actually a step up from a strip club. I’ve learned that towns HATE strip clubs. I don’t know about other states, but here in PA, strip clubs aren’t allowed to sell alcohol, but you’re allowed to BYOB. This means that the town has to deal with all the problems associated with a sleazy bar, but with none of the tax revenues.

How do I know all this stuff? A couple years ago, the state of PA wanted to crack down on massage parlors. This is when I learned all this legal stuff about the Business. I did my homework by reading through all the statutes on “Massage Practices.” I discovered that the state was going to go after us by targeting unlicensed masseuses. Our Business was safe since we had 3 licenses between us. The idea was that a town could audit your Business, and if there were no LMT’s (Licensed Massage Therapists) on staff, then out you go.

Full service places try to have 1 or 2 LMTs on staff, just to keep the locals off their backs. But once a place becomes more brothel than massage parlor, they have more things to worry about than a town clerk counting LMT diplomas.

We don’t worry about the town hassling us since we’re not a full-service operation. If a customer comes in and asks for sex – we refer him to the Other Place across town. I know that Audrey is doing some full-service stuff, but it’s with her Regulars.

What worries me now is that Trina has begun offering “extras” to some of her Regulars since she’s been desperate for cash lately. At least I HOPE they’re Regulars! All it takes is 1 badly phrased attempt to offer something a little “extra” to some new customer we can’t trust, and we’ll have guys in suits knocking on our door!

But let me tell ya - if business doesn't pick up here pretty soon, I'll be offering "extras" to pay my cable bill. Hmmmmmmm... Let a customer finger me, or lose my "Entourage?" Don't make me choose!

CJ