The 15 Minute Option

Someone sent me this comic today and I thought it was hilarious. It got me thinking about all the guys who ask for our "cheapest" option. It was never really an issue back in the good old days, but for the last 2 years we basically had our own version of a Bargain Basement Special.

The 15 Minute Option was made official by Audrey when business had all but tanked a couple years ago. I mean we each had our own personal version of it, but it was kinda hush-hush. The problem was that the shortest session we offered was 30 minutes, which means that it cost at least $30 just to walk through our doors. Then on top of that, our cheapest option is topless for an additional $80. So the cheapest session with happy ending was a total of $110.

Then Audrey cut her prices for topless without telling anyone, and the customers start complaining that the rest of us are charging too much. So then Trina, Cindy and me dropped our topless price as well. Then to make matters worse, the economy tanked and now customers are trying to barter with us. "Look, I'll give you $27 and this half-used gift card for Olive Garden..." It was that bad.

Now I had my own "Blue Light Special" if you will. For Regulars that I liked, and who were in a hurry, I'd offer a 15 minute session when Audrey wasn't around. Without her at the front desk, I could let the customer skip the door fee. Then in the room, I'd basically give them a 10 minute back rub, followed by a fully-clothed happy ending for $60. They're happy for saving time and money, and I'm happy for pocketing a decent tip without having to undress. A win-win for everyone.

When business got bad, we were hit with this wave of bargain hunters. Guys with hard luck stories. Guys threatening to take their business elsewhere. And in some cases, guys offering to pay with DVD players and cartons of cigarettes.

And their M.O. was usually the same - get their naked asses up on the table before I had offered options. They figured I'd have no choice but to agree to whatever scheme they had in mind. But unfortunately for them, in my line of business, the customer is NOT always right. I don't know about you guys, but in my book lying naked on a table with your limp dick hanging in the breeze is not exactly a good position to negotiate from. So whenever some customer would say "I only have $20, take it or leave it," I'd usually just open the door to our brightly lit hallway and then point to the exit. Amazing how that bright light helped them find extra money in their wallet.

Sometimes I'd compromise and offer them either a topless massage OR a happy ending. NOT both. But I never liked offering this option because I still spent the same time in session, but for a smaller tip. So when Audrey finally let us start offering a 15 minute session, none of us argued.

It works basically like this: $20 at the door so Audrey still makes her money, plus another $40 in session. And in 15 minutes, you pretty much only have enough time for some chit-chat and a handjob. I don't even bother to offer clothing options because these guys just want to get in, get off, and get out. Sometimes I'll take my shirt off for a sort of "bra only" option if it helps to get them off quicker, and most importantly - encourage them to take a longer session next time (that's what I call marketing).

The 15 minute option was popular for a while, but now things are picking back up and we're seeing more 45 and even 60 minute sessions again. But the 15 minute option is still great for the man on the go. Get in, get off, get out, and still have time for a burger before lunch is over.

CJ

Options and Extras

When I was answering all your questions, I noticed that there seems to be some confusion between "Options" and "Extras." I thought it would be helpful for me to talk about that because I also want to comment on the recent massage parlor experiences some of you guys have shared with me.

When I talk about "Options" I'm referring to the clothing options that I offer during session. Basically, when you come to The Business, you are offered 3 different clothing options for your erotic massage: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, and 3) nude. All of them come with happy ending, and you don't have to even ask.

The 4th option is the "Mutual" massage, where the customer gets to massage me. But I don't include it with my options nowadays because I only offer that to Regulars that I like. It's just not worth chancing it on a guy who's only going to dig his knuckles in my back for a minute, then spend the rest of his time pinching my breasts... Ugh.

This is how the options thing works... When you arrive at The Business, the only thing you discuss at the front desk is the amount of time you want in the room. This is when you pay the "House Fee." Once you're inside my room, I will then offer you the options. There is no code or secret handshake here - I break the ice by telling you up front that I will take my top off for a tip of such-and-such amount. The happy ending is implied at this point, so if any of you guys out there reach this stage, relax - you found an erotic massage parlor!

Remember - the hand release comes free with the option. If you decline an option, and just tell me to leave my clothes on and give you a massage - then you're getting a therapeutic only with no happy ending. At The Business, I make my money by what I wear (or not wear). So if your masseuse has not offered any options by your 4th session, she's not going to.

Now this brings me to your recent stories. What some of you boys have been telling me is that you've been getting a hand release at the end of a massage with NO clothing options offered. I have to tell you that THIS IS NOT an erotic massage parlor. What you've discovered is a massage provider who's giving you a happy ending "on the side." If no clothes are coming off, then it is definitely a hush-hush situation. Just consider yourself lucky and please don't ask her coworkers for the same treatment!

So now you're wondering why she's giving you a free handjob. Well for starters I HOPE you've been tipping her well for superior service. Second, you're probably going to see her again real real soon. And third, why on Earth would you want to switch masseuses when you've hit the jackpot?

It's just a little thing we call marketing. We used to joke about it in massage school. The gag was something like "with a technique like that, she better give a good hand job..."

This brings us to "Extras." These are basically anything above and beyond a hand release. So other releases like breast or thigh are extra. Also, any other kink like lingerie, dirty talking, doubles, etc. are extra. And if you're lucky enough to find a full service girl, then maybe you could try a nice blowjob.

As for me, I don't always offer extras, especially if you're a newbie or I'm just not comfortable around you. In fact, I usually don't bring them up - I don't have to. I mean, if a customer is obviously into feet then I may offer my laundry list of foot-related kinks. Typically a customer may ask what else is available after they've had a few regular sessions.

Now back to you guys who've found a free-lancer. You might be able to squeeze an "extra" outta her if you ask nicely. Ya see, here's the situation... She's providing you a little bonus that the boss doesn't know about. So she might be up for other things in the room that no one else could catch her at like dirty talking, doubles, etc.

But ya know what? I've lived such an insulated life here in my neck of the woods, that I may be totally off on how other parlors work. Who knows - maybe there are some parlors out there that include a hand release without any clothing options. If any girls out there work at a place with different or no options, please let me know!

CJ

Massage Parlor Code Words and Lingo

Someone commented to me the other day that they like the idea of my new blog, but sometimes don’t understand the terms I use. I kinda forgot that I’m supposed to be teaching you guys this stuff, so I'll go over the basic lingo we use in the business. So here goes:

“The Business” (also referred to as a “Massage parlor” or “Spa”): This is my place of employment where customers come in for a relaxing massage with a little something extra at the end. The Business should not be confused with a “Brothel” which is just sex. Believe it or not, we’re actually expected to provide quality massages here. In fact, most of the girls here are/were licensed massage therapists.

“Happy ending” (also referred to as a “Release,” “Climax” or “Money shot”): These are the code words we use to talk about making a guy cum. I personally prefer the term “Release” and use it when talking to customers. When describing to newbies what I do, I find it sounds more professional to say “...I end the massage with a release,” rather than “… when I’m done I’ll jerk you off.”

There are different types of releases. The most common is the Hand Release, a.k.a. Handjob. 99% of my sessions end with this one. Another type of release is the Breast Release – also referred to by the more crass term “Tittyfucking.” Another is the Butt Release where the guy lubes up your ass cheeks and slides it between them. There are other variations, but you get the picture. I charge extra for anything other than a hand release, so I don’t get many chances to do one.

“Options”: This is the term we use to describe the various ways we provide our massages. For my customers I usually offer these 3 Options: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, 3) Nude. I guess each is self explanatory. There is no real difference to the massage, its just that the guy pays according to the type of view he wants.

“Therapeutic”: You could call this the “4th” option. This is a session where the man (or woman) wants nothing more than a legitimate therapeutic massage. NO HAPPY ENDING. In fact, for most of these customers, they are not even aware of our Options! You can imagine why this is our least favorite of the options since we make almost no money off these. Why do we do them you ask? Remember – WE ARE A MASSAGE BUSINESS. And sometimes you have to do what you have to do to keep up the appearance of being legitimate. A lot of these customers are locals who just have no clue, and the one thing you really can't afford to do in this business is make waves with the locals.

“Customer” or “Clients”: I wanted to point out that we have customers like any other business. We do not call them “Johns” or “Tricks” or “Dates” like hookers do.

“Session” or “In Session”: This is when you’re working with a customer. I’ll say “I’m in Session…” when I’m busy with a client.

“Full Service”: Sex. This is the difference between your standard massage parlor and a brothel. A woman or business that offers straight sex above and beyond a handjob is referred to as “Full Service.” It doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be offered Full Service in a massage parlor – but that’s between you and your masseuse.

Well, this is the basic lingo to get you around most businesses. If you have any questions about specific terms you’ve heard before, please ask. Happy hunting!

CJ