The Craigstlist Killer

Have you guys been following this story? Apparently they just caught this fucker up in Boston who was preying on working girls he met on Craigslist. Is this fucked up or what? I mean, here are some poor girls just trying to make a living, and here comes this asshole who decides to make a thing out of beating, robbing and now killing them. The whole thing just makes me sick.

And to add insult to injury, the news keeps going on and on about how all these women were "sex workers" offering "erotic services" off of Craigslist. They said 1 of his victims was a stripper, and the other 2 were masseuses (including the 1 he killed). I know they need to make everything more sensational for the news, but would it have mattered any if they were just housekeepers or waitresses? And another thing I read that REALLY pissed me off implied that it was their fault for advertising their services on Craigslist!

Look, I'm no fan of Craigslist. In fact, I consider it the world's biggest Pimp Daddy for single-handedly selling more sex than anything else on the planet. But just because you advertise your particular service does not mean that you are any less deserving of protection from violence than anyone else. That is bullshit.

The other thing about this story that got to me was seeing the pictures of that smug little arrogant asshole after he was caught and pleaded not guilty. Here he is - a kid of privilege who got his kicks by attacking these poor girls who make a living on the legal fringe of society.

I can picture it too - he probably got his little dick rubbed by some girl he met on the internet. Then he figured that if he just beat the crap out of her and took his money back, what's she gonna do? What's the word of an internet hooker versus a student doctor? He probably figured he was above the law and could get away with it - that's why he did it at least 3 times. Luckily, the first 2 girls he robbed went to the police and they had already figured out it was him by the time he murdered the 3rd girl.

I've met this type before. Privileged rich kids who think their shit don't stink. Thank Gawd, we don't have too many of that type around here since we're mostly rednecks. But once in a while I'll get that customer who thinks you're nothing more than a whore and he treats you as such. Now in case you haven't been reading my blog very long, you haven't figured out yet that I have a very short fuse. I have a very low tolerance for assholes, and zero tolerance for arrogant assholes. More than once I've thrown guys out just for their attitude. And to make things more fun for me, I know exactly what buttons to press to make these guys feel 2 inches tall by the time they're out the door.

So here's to you Mr. Craigslist Killer... I hope you rot in jail for a long time and end up as the Bitch to a gang of very large convicts who think you have a pretty mouth. I'll bet money that you won't be thinking of picking on poor little masseuses while you're being ass-raped for the 3rd time during your daily shower. I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, but I'm sure your cellmates Bubba and Tiny will do that for you.

CJ

Freak of the Week - The Peeping Tom

Not too long ago, a girlfriend of mine from another business warned me about a new thing to watch out for (as if we don't have enough to worry about already). Apparently with all these new phones with built in cameras and video recorders, customers have been trying to secretly tape their sessions.

As soon as I heard about it, I tried experiementing with a customers phone. The deal is that a customer will hide his phone in a shirt pocket with just the lens poking out. And while he's alone in the room he'll turn it on and just let it go for the entire session. We tried it a few times with the lights on and turned down. I was shocked at how much you could actually see, even with the lights turned down.

My friend warned me to watch for the tell-tale signs of a peeping tom:

1) Suspicious placement of clothing on a chair or elsewhere in room.
2) Customer lies on table in wrong direction.
3) Customer asks for lights to be left on or turned up.
4) Furniture or items that have been moved.

Well, I got one the other day. He was a new customer, but I could tell he was familiar with the whole massage thing. When I entered the room I knew something was weird. We have lockers in the rooms, so the customers can put their personal things away (I can't tell you how many times customers have accused us of stealing $$ out of their wallets before we got those lockers). They are there to protect both you AND me.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in was his entire outfit hanging perfectly off the back of the chair which had been moved into the corner of the room. I remembered the signs of a peeping tom, so I didn't panic. Instead, I casually asked him if he could move his clothes to the locker. He replied that it looked "dirty" to him and he felt better keeping them out.

Strike one - damn! On to Plan B.

I picked up a fresh towel and walked over to the chair. "Well sir, I have to remind you that we are not responsible for any stains to your clothing from the massage oils that we use, and that's why we ask that you use the lockers." He didn't say anything, but just looked at me nervously.

"I apologize if the locker does not meet your standards of cleanliness and I will take care of that before my next customer. So to ensure that your clothes are protected, I'm going to use this towel to keep any massage oils that we use from coming in contact with them." And with that I unfolded the big white towel and placed it squarely over top his hanging clothes.

When his expression went from nervous to frustrated, I knew I had him. I took a quick check around the room to make sure nothing else was out of the ordinary, then I began the session. He seemed obviously distracted at first, but calmed down a few minutes into the massage. And when we were done, I made damn sure that I was fully clothed before he even had a chance to pull that towel off his clothes.

So take that as a lesson guys. Don't try any of that pervy stuff on us - unless you pay us extra! Heck, I've let guys use their cell phones to record the happy ending, but I charged them extra and even reviewed the video to make sure you couldn't see my face. I've only let 1 customer ever record an entire session, but that was a while ago and only as a special favor. I think I mentioned him in a post a while ago.

And one more thing - think before you start recording all of your little activities. It's sooooo easy to record stuff and post it on the internet nowadays. And remember - I do this for a living, so I'm not the one who's getting embarassed nearly as much as the married, father of 3 who forgets that he left that video file on his phone...

CJ

Farewell Cindy

Yesterday was Cindy's last day at work. She's due at the beginning of May, so she toughed it out till should couldn't take being on her feet anymore. We took her out to lunch and as a suprise we had them bring her an ice cream sundae with a pickle stuck in the middle of it. She thought it was funny, but didn't eat any of it. Oh well.

8 and 1/2 months pregnant and Cindy was STILL bringing in customers. Go figure. As she got bigger and bigger, her butt didn't get any wider, but her stomach got huge. From behind you could barely tell she was pregnant, and she has a small frame to begin with. And over the last couple of months, I've only seen 4 guys refuse to take her. And the ironic thing was that they were all heavyset guys too.

I don't know if it was pity or concern or whatever, but Cindy kept getting appointments and decent tips up till this past week. And get this - she still kept getting requests for mutuals!!!! Guys actually wanted to pay extra to rub that belly! I asked her about it and she said that all the guys were totally cool about it and no one asked to do anything perverted like cum on her belly or anything. And she swears up and down that her full service days are over.

Audrey hasn't said how she's going to split up Cindy's shifts, or whether she intends to hire a temp. Personally, I'd rather just pick up her extra customers. And you know how I feel about the hiring process. I guess in a way I'm gonna be sorry to see her go. I mean we started off a bit rough, but as time went by and we got to know each other again, I could see myself being friends with her.

It's just weird when you consider how much history we have and how badly it ended last time. I think what made these last few months so easy for us is that we never actually needed or expected anything from each other. I did my job and she did hers. And I think that's what made it feel like a true starting over.

So I guess a pregnant masseuse just brings out the best in most people. And that's actually kind of a nice thing to see nowadays. Keep it up guys.

CJ

The Domme

I got an e-mail the other day from a guy who wanted to mix things up, so instead of seeing a regular erotic masseuse, he saw a Dominatrix instead. Funny story which I can't tell here, but it's definitely a complete departure from your standard rub-n-tug. And not for the faint of heart.

I have an old friend I used to work with who's a professional Domme. And when I say "professional" I mean that not only did she make a living at it, she actually led the lifestyle.

Nicest woman you'd ever want to meet too. We'll call her Wanda. Just by looking at her, you'd never know it. Usually kept her hair up. Wore nice blouses or cardigans to work. A very conservative appearance which she said was sometimes necessary when she made housecalls to some of the upper crust neighborhoods of Philly.

We worked together at my last business, which was a number of years ago. Apparently she was moonlighting from her regular gig of whipping guys for money and considered the whole massage thing as a kind of vacation. Wanda lived in one of the nicer suburbs of Philly and would commute into town to her "studio" most of the week, and then commute out to the boondocks to work our business on the weekends.

Now when I say she lived the life - she lived the life. Her house - apart from being incredibly tasteful - was filled with all sorts of elegant, but scary bondage implements. It wasn't uncommon to find a rubber cat-o-nine tails lying on the kitchen counter, or see the sewing machine propped up against an iron cross. One of my favorite stories about her was when I was sitting in her living room admiring these beautifully designed crystal sculptures on her coffee table, which I later found out were very very very expensive dildos.

But that wasn't the coolest thing about her. She also had a live in slave.

Now if you pictured the leather bound Gimp from Pulp Fiction, or some sexy girl in a chainmail bikini, you'd have it all wrong. The "slave" was a woman who had been referred to Wanda for her most extreme of services - slave training. Turns out that she was this total fuck up with absolutely no self control or discipline, and Wanda took it upon herself to get this woman's life in order - basically for free.

The slaves duties were to cook, clean, shop, and do other menial errands around the house. And that was mostly it. But, as Wanda explained there was this very strict ritual to it. And all of the rules of keeping the house and attending to her "Mistress" had to be strictly adhered to, or else the riding crop came out.

I didn't quite understand myself until one day while we were chatting at the kitchen table, she demonstrated by silently raising an empty coffee cup over her head. I swear to Gawd - I have never seen a waitress move as quickly as this "slave" to grab a pot of coffee. Wanda never took her eyes off me as her cup was quickly topped off. And her big grin only proved that she took pride in her work.

And I guess this was the sort of attention to detail that Wanda brought to every aspect of this womans life. She taught her how to balance a checkbook, mantain a schedule, clean her room, get car insurance - mundane stuff like that. And after about a year of this, she was finally able to take control of her own life. She got a job, moved out and I hear is now leading the relatively "normal" life that the rest of us take for granted.

I took a session with Wanda once, just because I was curious about the whole BDSM thing. I won't get into it here, but let's just say it was very intense, and I could see why guys were willing to pay $$$ for it.

I haven't seen her in ages, but we still chat once in a blue moon. Last I heard, the economy was taking it's toll on the Domme industry too and she had resorted to bartering with some of her more loyal clients. She told me about this one guy who couldn't afford her fees anymore, so she arranged for him to perform "submissive house cleaning." He'd come over, switch to his bondage outfit, then clean her house. Meanwhile, she would dress up in thigh-highs with garter and follow him around barking orders at him. And at the end of the session (and the house was spotless) she'd give him the stockings as a reward!!!

That's what I need - a guy to come over and clean my house in exchange for a happy ending. I swear - if business gets any slower I might resort to that! LOL

CJ

Job Satisfaction, Employee Benefits, And Other Bad Puns About Getting Off On The Job - Part 3: The Big O

Finally, here is the thrilling conclusion to my confession about getting off at work. I debated for a while over whether to even talk about this or not since I haven't told ANYONE - not even Trina. So here goes... (forgive me Trina!!!!)

I don't know how many times I've faked an orgasm at work, but let me tell ya - I'm goooooood. I do the squealing, head thrashing, heavy breathing, everything. I'll even throw in the customers name (when I can remember it). The Big O isn't an extra by itself, but it's assumed when I'm asked to do any options where I play with myself. I really hate to burst some bubbles out there, but 99% of the time we're faking it in session.

When a guy pays to watch me take care of myself, I go from Ordinary Masseuse to CJ-SUPERSTAR! It's all an act for 2 reasons:

1) I am TOTALLY embarassed about what I look like during orgasm. In fact, I won't even let my boyfriends look at me when I cum. When I reach orgasm, I'll usually grab their heads and pull them down so they can't see my face. I know that sounds totally mental, but that's just how I roll.

2) When I actually do touch myself in real life, it's probably the most boring thing you've ever seen - I barely move and I make absolutely no noise. I've discovered that guys don't want reality in session - they want the whole screaming, thrashing porn star performance.

And for all those customers out there who didn't buy my act and thought they could talk me into a real one, let me know if this little scene sounds familiar?

Me: "Oh I couldn't do THAT for real!"
Them: "Come on baby, I'll make it worth your while."
Me: "Well, I've never done this for a customer before... But for you... OK!"

And a few quiet moans, sighs and a lip bite later, I was several hundred dollars richer and they were none the wiser. Maybe I should have become an actress.

Now this brings me to the deep dark secret that I've been dreading about. I've never told ANYONE this before, but yours truly - CJ - once had an orgasm during session. A really good one too. And ironically, it wasn't during one of my Oscar performances either. Let me explain...

It was during a mutual massage, and the guy had asked for a "cowgirl" release. This is where the customer lies down on his back and I straddle him like we're fucking. Then I reach my hand behind me and work his cock so to him it feels like we're actually fucking (this position goes by other names, but I call it the Cowgirl). He was a Regular that I was comfortable enough with - not a great looking guy, but really really sweet.

As I was working him with my hand, I was also bouncing up and down. So with each bounce I was stroking his cock at the same time. It wasn't like I was grinding on him either - it was just a sort of light, rhythmic fucking motion. Well, as we were pretend fucking he starts with the sexy talk. "Oh CJ... you make me feel so good... I am sooooo hot for you right now..." I told you guys before that I'm a total sucker for sexy talk, so I was just drinking it all in.

Now for an average looking guy, he had a really sexy deep voice. And I think it was the combination of the two that finally got to me. We kept in this position for several minutes. I was in no hurry for him to finish since I was enjoying myself too. He kept caressing me with that silky voice of his, "Mmmmmmmmmmm... You are just soooo sexy... don't stop you beautiful, beautiful girl..."

Suddenly I felt something was wrong. At first, it seemed like a tiny little panic attack, but something about it wasn't right. I felt funny, like there was a knot in my stomach. But it's not my stomach - it's somewhere lower. I think I feel something in my... in my... OH GAWD.

I stopped bouncing. And that's when it hit... The first wave of a giant orgasm. I think I said "oh shit" or something like that because he asked if I was OK. But I wasn't OK. I clutched at his chest with my free hand and let go of his prick at the same time. I actually had to steady myself as wave after wave of intensity washed over me. And by the time I figured out what was happening, it was already coming to an end.

I sat there, shocked for a second, before his voice reminded me I wasn't alone. "Are you sure you're OK CJ?" Now remember what I said before about being embarassed about cumming? This was no exception, and I suddenly felt very very aware of being naked in a room with a naked man underneath me. I actually ended up telling him that I didn't feel good and I had to leave - NOW. So I jumped off the table, grabbed my clothes, ran out of the room and locked myself in the bathroom. That's how embarassed (and mental) I was!

After a few minutes I calmed down, and finally went out and apologized. I explained to him that I just had a wicked stomach ache but I was OK now. I promised him a double next session, and he was OK with that. He never found out that he was the ONLY guy to ever give me an orgasm in session (and one of the few people EVER to see my orgasm face!).

But now the whole world knows and I hope Trina will forgive me for not telling her this story in person. The weird thing is that I have never had an orgasm like that since then. I've even tried recreating the exact same scenario with a boyfriend - but nothing. And the next time that same customer came in, I felt nothing. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing I guess. Darn.


CJ

Freak of the Week - The Sadistic Fuck

THIS is the story that I wanted Trina to tell last week, but she refused. So I'm gonna tell it instead because I think it needs to be said.

Trina has this Regular that's been in maybe 6 or 7 times. Definitely a Regular because whenever he comes in, he insists on seeing her and only her. To me, he just looks like some normal old guy, maybe around 60. Always wearing a sweater with nice dress shoes, like he just got back from visiting his grandkids. Hair is only slightly gray and cut very short.

At first glance you'd say he was a retired military or corporate guy. We get a lot of those around here. The guys with the decent retirement still have the cash to splurge on us once a month. And it's funny because some of these guys are like clockwork. For example, I have a retired Regular who has a standing appointment for the third wednesday of every month at 11 am. He probably tells his wife he's out golfing.

Anyway, this customer of Trina's only books a 30 minute session. According to her, when he gets in the room, he just drops his pants and sits in a chair. He doesn't want a massage. Instead, he tells her to undress and then go straight to the happy ending while he's sitting in the chair and she's kneeling in front of him. So in other words, their session is basically a 30 minute hand job.

Now that's a looooong time for anyone to keep that up, so her arms must be killing her by the end. But that's not the sadistic part of the session. Apparently, while Trina is naked on her knees working that cock with her hands, this old guy just goes on and on saying the most vile, twisted, perverted, sickest shit you can possibly imagine.

And I don't mean the typical "you're a dirty whore" stuff either. Trina refuses to talk about it now, but from what I've gathered, this sick mother fucker says the most humiliating and degrading things about her. A lot of it is along the lines of "how can you look yourself in the mirror?" or "if your mother could see you now" - kinda shit. I mean the most insulting, hurtful kind of stuff that can be said.

Trina's just sits there quietly taking it while continuing to work his dick. She isn't allowed to say anything back, or make eye contact. And this torture goes on for 30 minutes, or until he finally cums. Then he just sort of zips up and leaves while she cleans herself up.

The first time she ever had him in session, Trina said it was kinda funny for the first 10 minutes, then it felt uncomfortable before moving on to creepy. And by the end of the session it was actually starting to get to her. After he left that first time, she locked herself in the bathroom and cried. I asked her why she continues to see him if he's such an asshole. Turns out that he tips extremely good - I mean we're talking rent money good. So if Trina is willing to sell a tiny piece of her self respect each month in order to pay her bills, who am I to say anything?

Now you know me - any guy says ANYTHING that bothers me and his ass is out the door. No Regular is worth that. If a guy wants to call me a dirty whore in order to fit the mood, that's one thing. But if a guy calls me a dirty whore and MEANS it - that's something else. I can't imagine selling little bits of my soul like that for any amount of money.

I just really pisses me off to think about it. She deserves better. That's all.

CJ

Confessions of an Erotic Cripple

I'm back! Thanks to Trina for helping me out for the last week. What happened to me was incredibly stupid and I'm really embarassed to even talk about it now. But here goes...

Early last week I volunteered to go pick up my nephew after school. As I was walking down the sidewalk toward the building, I wasn't paying attention and ended up tripping on an uneven part of the sidewalk. I guess the toe of my shoe caught the edge of the concrete just right because my right foot came to a complete stop and I fell forward.

As I was falling forward, I was twisting so that the right side of my body made FULL contact with the ground. And I mean HARD. Luckily I didn't hit my head, but my right shoulder took the full impact. I was lying there on the ground, stunned at first, but then I sat up and it didn't feel like anything was broken - just bruised. The crossing guard saw the whole thing and that bitch started laughing. Ya know, there's nothing funny about falling down - unless it's happening to someone else, and then it's hilarious.

But that wasn't the hilarious part. The hilarious part was when I finally tried to get back on my feet. I kinda stumbled for a second, then took my first step and THWACK!!! It happened again!!!! Only this time, as I started to fall forward, I put my right hand out in front of me. My hand took the full force this time, then my arm bent and I slammed on my elbow. NOW my right hand is all bruised and cut, and my right elbow is sore as shit!!!

At least my legs were OK, so I was still able to pick up my nephew and drive him home. I didn't think it was too bad at first. I mean, the bleeding in my hand had stopped and I was OK to drive with my left hand. Later that night I had a few beers with some friends and I just sort of nursed my right arm and shoulder. They were sore, but I was still able to move them around.

The Next Morning (dot dot dot)

I COULD NOT LIFT MY RIGHT ARM AT ALL. My body was sore from the top of my right shoulder blade, all the way down to my hip. I couldn't bend my elbow and my right hand was black and blue. I cried for a good part of the morning as I swallowed a handful of Advil and attempted to wash and dress myself for work.

Yes, I went to work. Here I am - a total cripple who relies on her skilled hands to make a living, and I'm going to work. I was working with Cindy that first morning, so I relied on her to fetch me pillows, answer the phone and cover the front desk. I was hoping that the Advil would kick in and I'd be able to at least do some light massage, but no such luck. And by the time the door bell started ringing, I knew I had to improvise.

I had 2 customers that shift. I was hoping for Regulars who would be understanding, but I got 2 newbies instead. Well boys, you're in for a treat because about all I was capable of doing was getting naked and giving happy endings (thank Gawd I jerk lefty).

By the time I got the first guy in the room, I knew I couldn't fake my way through the massage. I explained to him my dilemma and told him that all I could really offer was a Mutual Massage. At first he didn't know what to make of me and his first ever erotic massage, but when I explained to him that the Mutual is where we take turns massaging each other (except I won't be returning the favor this time), he readily accepted. Normally I only offer Mutuals to Regulars I'm comfortable with, but I was stuck! I was only afraid that I was gonna get screwed because I charge extra for those, but he didn't seem to mind.

He took the nude option with the Mutual, so I dropped my pants with some difficulty. But when it came to the shirt I realized I couldn't lift my right arm higher than my shoulders!!! I started making whimpering noises and asked him with big puppy dog eyes if he could help take my shirt and bra off.

Surprisingly he didn't complain. In fact, he was incredibly sweet and attentive for a new guy. He gave me a pretty good massage, and even worked the sore areas under my direction. And since I couldn't switch places with him, I let him have some extra time playing with The Girls instead. That seemed to make him happy, so when it was finally time for the happy ending, he was more than ready. My left hand was fine, so I had no problem with the hand release. He left happy and even tipped me an extra $10 for my "pain and suffering." LOL

The second guy was also a newbie. I gave him the same song and dance, but added that he'd have to undress me as well. He seemed way more than happy to help out. That's when I realized that I could play the pity card and use this injury to my advantage. I thought that customers would get pissed at me for being out of commission, or at least accuse me of trying to rip them off. But for the last couple of days, everyone's been more than happy to take the Mutual option and "help me out of these clothes."

A couple of my Regulars I didn't charge extra because they've always paid the same amount, and 1 guy actually cancelled his appointment "until you get better." But in the end, this past week has turned out to be quite lucrative for a masseuse who can't actually massage.

And thanks to you guys for being so understanding these last few days. Trina said she had fun telling her story, but is in no hurry to do it again. She said writing hurts her brain.

CJ

Freak of the Week - The Narc

Hi - this is "Trina" and I am todays guest host.

"CJ" had a little accident this week and she cant use her right hand. It hasnt stopped her from working. In fact shes sitting next to me right now making jerking motions with her good left hand and laughing hysterically. She told me to write a story.

I can write whatever I want she said. CJ IS A LYING SKANK WHORE WHO BLOWS OLD MEN FOR NICKELS!!!!!

"CJ" just tried to take her computer away from me but shes a gimp right now. So HAHAHA. So here is todays story which happend to all of us here.

I am going to talk about the new "freak of the week." Not all the freaks are fun and games. Take this new guy. Hes not exactly new since hes been coming here and seeing everyone at least once. In fact he just saw "Cindy" this past week (with her giant 7 month pregnant belly). After he left we all compared notes and hes still saying the same story.

Hes a corrections officer but we all just call him "The Narc" for short. How do we know hes a corrections officer? He keeps saying it every 2 seconds. Thats all. Also Cindys seen him down at the courthouse so we know its true.

But why tell us this then expect to get your dick rubbed? There are 2 reasons why cops say this up front. The first is that its their way of saying their cool or their not trying to hide anything and we can relax around them. We get customers who say things like "I work with Officer Jones and he told me to come here". The local cops who come in and even the state cops are pretty cool and they get treated just like everyone else.

The second reason is that guys say their cops to intimidate us in the hopes that we will do whatever they say like cut our prices and do extras. The thing with this second group of guys is that it NEVER works on us. It may work on the new girls but the rest of us know that these guys are usually just really bad liars. I get one of these assholes every now and then and when I do I give them a therapeutic only.

The Narc is from the first group of guys but not in a good way. Hes been tellinge every one hes a cop in the hopes that someone will offer him full service. And it gets weirder. Hes asked everyone (including ME) to see him outside of work.

This is what happens. Hes told each of us the same story: Hes a married guy. Never cheated on his wife before. But he wants a little something on the side. Hes made the exact same offer to every one - $1000 for 6 hours of our time.

Is this the fishyest thing youve ever heard or what????!!!????!! What are you gonna do for 6 hours? And $1000? Sounds like he just pulled that number out of his ass. The whole thing just stinks. at first we all thought that this guy is some kind of serial killer but he is a corrections officer. Or maybe he does want to cheat on his wife but hes just really really bad at figuring out how to do it.

What do you people out there think? We all think hes a fucking nutjob but hes good for $150 per session so were not ready to ban him just yet. I mean he doesnt give off the serial killer vibe (as if Id know the difference). But if anyone out there has seen this scam before write "CJ" and let her know.

xoxo
"Trina"

ps..... what ever "CJ" writes about me is not true!!!!!!

Freak of the Week - The Marlboro Man

Well, I've got a good one for you this week. 2 months of basic rub and tugs, and now it's like they're coming out of the woodwork. Well, they say it never rains, but it pours...

So anyway, this story starts about 4 months ago when this guy first came in. Nothing to remember really, except that he asked me if I smoked and could he light one up in the room. Personally, I wouldn't give a shit if a customer wanted to smoke in the room, but Audrey was working with me at the time so I gave him a song and dance about how we're a "non-smoking" facility, blah blah blah.

Cut to this week. The Marlboro Man comes back and asks if I remember him. I said "kinda" so he refreshed my memory.

"Is it OK if I smoke now?" he asks with a big grin. I was like "whatever" since I was alone that shift and we were at the front desk. But instead of lighting up he just asks if we could go in session.
Once in the room, he sits me down and asks if I have any cigs. I said sure, so I told him to get comfortable and I'll be right back. I find my purse and grab 2 since I figure I'll burn one as well (The Bitch ain't here, so who cares, right?). I walk back in the room and he's sitting naked on the table. I offer him one.

"Not me... you. I'll pay you extra if you smoke in front of me." Now that's a first! I must have given him a weird look because he said "I love to watch women smoke. It's like a major turn on for me." I told him that's cool, but could we do the massage first because I felt uncomfortable dangling a lit cigarette over a naked body while I'm working.

Let me explain something here. I had a pack of the new FSC's (Fire Safety Cigarettes). These things are wild - if you stop puffing on it for whatever reason, it extinguishes itself automatically after a minute or so! So even if I just wanted to keep a lit one in the room (as an aphrodisiac for Marlboro Man), I didn't have the option.

He paid for a nude, and asked that the Happy Ending last for at least 1 entire cigarette. I agreed and got undressed. The session was pretty plain. We talked about the economy and gas prices - nothing exciting.

After I asked him to roll over onto his back, I worked his legs pretty good and noticed his dick was limp the entire time. But when I finally stopped and reached for that cigarette and lighter, I saw a definite twitch. As I fumbled with the lighter and made a big production of lighting up, his cock went from 0 to 60 - I am not kidding you. He wasn't even touching himself either!

"So how does this work?" I said since I was genuinely curious. I'm always looking for ways to improve my craft - LOL

He motioned for me to come over and stand right next to him. "Can you talk and smoke at the same time?" he asked. I nodded. "In my opinion, this is the hottest thing a woman can do."

That had me wondering. "How do you do in bars? I mean, all the women smoking in public must be a big turn on for you, right?"

He nodded a big yes. Turns out that smoking women are his fetish. There are even websites dedicated to this (guys are so weird). "Just keep talking and do your thing. All I want is to just watch you smoke. And try not to remove it from your mouth while you're talking."

There I was, puffing away while he sat up on his elbows watching me smoke. I leaned right into him and blew a big cloud right in his grinning face. I swear - he moaned just like I was blowing him! So instead of grabbing his cock, I started tugging on his balls while blowing the smoke directly at him. Now he was really getting into it. After a minute of ball play and smoke he says "Pinch my nipples with your other hand... Ohhhhhhhh... that's it..."

Now picture this - right hand pinching his nipple, left hand rubbing his cock, and my lips blowing smoke into his face. Am I good or what?

"Mmmmmmm baby, how do you like that?" I managed to say with the cigarette dangling from my lips. At that he gave out a big sigh. I figured that watching the cigarette bounce up and down while I talked was the mental equivalent of shoving a finger up his ass. This guy was totally in heaven.

I realized that he was getting off more on the smoking than on the tugging. "Fuck! you are so sexy when you do that" he practically yelled. "Uhhhh... Could you do one more thing?" Geez - my 2 hands are busy, and my mouth is already wrapped around a cigarette, so what else could he possibly want me to do? "I want you to look deep into my eyes and talk dirty while you smoke. Just whatever you do, don't stop smoking." So I slowed down the handjob and concentrated more on the talking.

"You're a dirty little boy aren't you?.. (puff puff)... And you like dirty girls who smoke... (puff puff)... You like it in your face, don't you?... (puff puff)"

Well, I managed to keep this up until I smoked that thing down to the butt. Smoking and talking at the same time is hard! I swear to you guys - I didn't realize how much I was getting into this session, because I NEVER smoke a full cigarette. Look at the coffee can outside our door - it's full of half burnt ones. When I got to the butt, I kicked the handjob into high gear and begged him to cum for me.

Even though I was losing smoke, he was still fixated on what was left of the cigarette dangling from my lips. So I gave him one last final round of dirty talk just inches from his face so he could enjoy every last little bounce of that filter. He came very loudly (luckily I was alone that night). Once it was over, I realized how light-headed I was from sucking down a while cigarette. I had to sit down, so I just kinda tossed the towel at him to clean himself up.

He thanked me something like 20 times. I guess he can't find a girlfriend to enjoy his fetish with. He asked what he owed for the "extra" and I told him "whatever" since I was still a little woozy and too embarassed to admit that I had fun too. He tipped me an extra $40.

And the funny thing is that when it was all over and I came down off my nicotine high, I knew this was going to be a great story. So I grabbed my laptop and starting writing everything down before I forgot any details. I think this blog thing is helping me to appreciate some of our "unique" customers more. When I was right in the middle of my nipple-pinching, cock-jerking, smoke-talking happy ending, I was thinking this was gonna make for a great Freak of the Week.

I guess I can only thank you guys for making me look at my job in a new light. LOL. Thanks for the encouragement! And to all you guys out there with a weird little kink - come on in so I don't run out of ideas.

CJ

Job Satisfaction, Employee Benefits, And Other Bad Puns About Getting Off On The Job - Part 2: And the Award for Best Actress Goes To...

OK... last time I talked about what secretly turns me on at work. Now today I'm gonna give away a few more secrets - but not the kind you wanna hear. Sorry guys, but today's topic is about what I secretely DON'T get off on at work.


Ya see, a lot of what I do is called ACTING. Sometimes we get these customers who want to role play, or do some minor discipline stuff, or just want to see me get off. It's all just an act. Over the years I've learned how to:


Dominate
Act like a cheerleader who's been naughty
Tie bondage knots
Pretend masterbate
Make "no" sound like "yes."


I could write tons of stuff about all the weird role playing stuff I've been asked to do, but I'll save that for more Freak of the Week stories. What I want to explain to you today is how I fake it.


Fingers
I won't finger myself for a customer, but I've mastered the art of faking it. This is a rather expensive extra that I don't mind doing. I have my whole technique down to a science. I fold my index finger in just the right way to make it look like it's been inserted. Then if I move it around fast enough (in a dark room), the customer won't be able to tell the difference.

Dildoes and Vibrators
Customers can bring in sex toys as long as they're still sealed in the original packaging. I will NOT stick anything inside me, but I'll play with them and rub them around my pussy and stuff. This is one of my most expensive extras, so please don't start dragging bags of toys to your next massage appointment. My trick with vibrators is to hold them in just such a way that they don't actually touch my clit. But I'll moan and squirm on the table like a dirty little whore all the same. I wish you could see it - my performance is worthy of an Oscar. Fuck Meryl Streep - getting a guy to believe that you're fucking yourself silly with a vibrator while he's standing just 2 feet away - THAT takes talent.

Strap-ons
In all my time here in The Business, I’ve only seen a strap-on once. It was brought in by this quiet little guy (it’s always the quiet ones, right?) who only came in once. When he first showed it to me, I thought it was just another dildo that I would have to pretend-fuck. Then he explained to me what it was really for…

“Holy shit! You want me to do WHAT?” I couldn’t believe that this guy had just walked in off the street and asked ME to fuck HIM up the ass. I swear to you I had never heard of this before. I was amazed that a device actually existed for women to do this sort of thing. Where do you guys come up with this stuff???

Anyway, we talked for a while and he discussed the mechanics of how it all worked. After the shock wore off, he asked me (more like pleaded) if I’d do it. Now normally I don’t offer to do extras for new customers, but I was intrigued by the whole idea. So a couple hundred dollars of “intrigue” later, I found myself strapping that sucker on.

I find it hard to describe. But I think the closest thing to compare it to is a power trip. I just felt this rush of being in charge because I was doing the fucking. He was on all fours and I was kneeling behind him just ramming away. Thank Gawd he couldn’t see me because I was starting to make my fuck faces – that is how much I was getting into it.

After a while he asked to change positions. That’s when I discovered that I was soaking wet! I began to panic, but luckily he was too much in his own world to notice me trying to casually clean myself. We ended the session with him on his back and me fucking him missionary style. From this position he was able to take care of himself at the same time, while I did my best not to let him know how much this was turning me on. I don’t know how you guys do it, but missionary fucking is HARD on the legs!

When it was all done, I had this weird feeling of confusion because this total stranger had just managed to get me all hot and bothered in a way I had never experienced before. I had absolutely no interest in having sex with the guy, it was just this act of pretend-fucking really turned me on. And that was the one and only time I had ever used a strap-on. I don’t think I could do that with a guy I was dating because I think part of the power trip for me was that whole humiliation thing going on. After you fuck a guy in the ass, I doubt you could look at him the same ever again. I hope that makes some sense.


............. wow.... I even felt a little funny remembering all that just now. I never saw that guy again, which may or not be a bad thing. The problem for me with getting aroused at work is that I feel like it's a loss of control. Inside that room I am in charge and nothing happens without my consent. So when something like that happens where I let myself go, I feel that loss of control which makes me feel very uncomfortable. But that's just me.


I hope I didn't burst too many bubbles today. And to all the guys who've asked about seeing me in session - ya still wanna see me now? LOL


CJ

Everything You Wanted To Know About Erotic Massage But Were Afraid To Ask

I've been getting a lot of messages lately from guys who are new to the world of erotic massage. Well, welcome to my corner of the internet where I've been talking about all the secrets, tips, code words, and tricks of the trade!

A lot of you out there tell me you enjoy reading about my adventures, but haven't tried it themselves. Some guys are scared because they've never been around masseuses before while others are worried about getting arrested. And then there's the occasional guy worried about catching something. I can assure you guys that we are harmless, there's nothing to worry about, and you should JUST DO IT. I've been getting a lot of the same questions over and over, so maybe this is a good time to go over what I've taught you guys over the past year.

So let's review:

About Me
My name is CJ and I'm an Erotic Masseuse. I provide relaxing massages with a "Happy Ending" at my Business. I started this blog because it's fun to share all these wacky stories with everyone. And in order to do this, I have to remain anonymous and can't make appointments with any of you. Sorry! This hurts me more than it hurts you since I could really really really use the business right now.

The Index
The best thing you can do is to just start reading all this crap from the beginning. But for those of you who are lazy, or just in a hurry, you can quickly catch up on all the required reading. I guess you can treat this as an index of all the good stuff.

1) For those of you completely new to the world of the "Happy Ending" the best place to start is to click here to see what happens in a typical massage session.

2) For Massage Parlor lingo and terms, click here.

3) If you want to know how to identify a massage parlor in your area, click here.

4) Once you've found a place you want to visit, click here to learn proper massage parlor etiquette.

5) For those of you who are too afraid to visit a massage parlor, click Here, Here and Here.

6) Anyone who reads this mess regularly knows that I'm totally against the Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs). It's not because I'm a racist or anything, or that I just want to trash the competition. It's just that most of the asian places around here are tied to organized crime and the girls who work there are pretty much trapped there. Click here for the full story.

7) If I still haven't convinced you yet to try an erotic massage, but would like to work your way up starting with a regular therapeutic massage, click here.

8) Now for the rest of you who ended up here by accident, Click here if you want to escape quickly before your company figures out what you're doing and fire your perverted ass.

So far the funniest case of being in the wrong place is the girl who wrote me asking if she could "contribute" something to this blog. I figured she's a colleague out there just wanting to share a couple kinky stories. Nope - turns out she's a sports massage therapist looking to practice her writing skills. I guess she did a google search for "massage therapy" and wrote to everyone who popped up. I said "Honey, unless you're jerking off the lacrosse team, I think you're in the wrong place." I haven't heard back from her since.

OK, start your reading - I'll wait.

Done? To all the newbies out there - feel free to leave comments on the old stuff. I get to see all of them and will gladly answer your questions.

Welcome everyone! So get comfortable, lie back and relax. Your CJ will take care of you. And remember - I work for tips.

CJ

Job Satisfaction, Employee Benefits, Dippin The Pen In The Company Ink, And Other Bad Puns About Getting Off On The Job - Part 1: Pushing My Buttons

I've decided to try something different. Now I'm going to share with you some real secrets that I've never shared with anyone outside of work. In fact, I'm already squirming as I write this since some of it will be news even to Trina (I'm sorry!). When I first got asked the question about whether I've ever gotten off at work, I thought I could answer that in 2 sentences. After I started writing I realized that I had enough stories to make this a multi-part series, so welcome to Part 1.

Today I'll talk about all the stuff that REALLY works on me. First of all, let me start off by saying that it is possible to turn me on during a massage. Hey - I'm only human, and when your working conditions consist of naked flesh, baby oil, moodlighting, scented candles, soft music, and lots and lots of bodily touch, it's inevitable. But for me to get turned on at work, it's more of a mental thing than a physical one. Let me explain.

The Cumshot
I love to watch men cum. The act of cum shooting from a guys penis is actually a little thrill for me. I guess part of it is knowledge of a job well done, but I'm also fascinated by the visual of the stuff just shooting out. Most guys don't believe me when I tell them this, but it's true. I would definitely consider this a job benefit.

Sexy Talk
Now this is a real secret that I've never shared with anyone outside of work. I LOVE it when a guy talks sexy to me during session. BUT ONLY IF HE’S GOOD AT IT. Now I'm not talking about dirty talk - that's a whole different thing. In fact, I consider dirty talk as an extra and sometimes charge for it. Examples of dirty talk from a customer would be:

"You fucking whore" slut, tramp, bitch, ho, skank, cunt, etc.
"You like it rough, don't ya?" or other roll playing stuff
"Jerk that cock" prick, dick, rod, pole, man meat, love stick, etc.

I'll allow a little bit of dirty talk during the happy ending if it'll help the guy finish quicker, but if he wants to focus on it and do it during the entire session, I'll charge him extra. If you think that's unfair on my part, you try listening to a guy call you a dirty cunt for an hour and see how you like it.
Now if he wants me to talk dirty to him, I'll charge even more since I don't like doing it. My typical dirty material is stuff like:

"Wanna fuck my tight little ass?"
"Fuck me! Fuck me hard!" This one's a real crowd pleaser and works well at getting a guy hard
"Cum baby... Cum on my face" mouth, pussy, tits, ass, hands, elbows, pinky toe, etc.

No - What turns me on is sexy talk, the kind that you'd do with a girlfriend. I like it when the guy says things like "...You're so beautiful... I love it when you touch me...That feels soooo good..." I know that may sound kinda corny, but I gobble that up. I guess it’s just the romantic in me. If it helps you to understand it any, think of it as a mental form of lubricant.

Now it doesn't work every time. For me to get turned on during session, I have to be really comfortable with the guy, and there has to be some kind of connection. Just being good looking doesn’t cut it. If he can make me laugh, or relax, or even just be good conversation, I'm way more likely to enjoy it. AND he has to be good at it. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tell customers to shut the hell up because they were just creeping me out with shit like:

"Who's your daddy?" What is this, 1998?
"Oh Carla..." Sheila, Tiffany, Penny, Marge, Fred, Agnes, etc. I am NOT your ex
"You're a good little girl" or any variation of the little girl theme just creeps me out
"I like your vagina" Vagina? Come on, that's just weird
"Mommy!"

The sad thing is that I can't and won't tell a guy if it's working or not. I just consider myself lucky if it's not creepy. In fact, when it does work I've found myself getting wet unintentionlly during a session. In these situations, I try to casually clean myself up without him noticing. And if I do end up getting aroused at work, I won't finish myself off - I save that for after I get home.

I don't know why I refuse to let myself go at work. Maybe it's the professional detachment that protects me from the wackos (and keeps me sane) that prevents me from doing it. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm losing an opportunity to enjoy myself, since a really stimulating session is pretty rare. But I think this is just a case of where boys are different from girls. If you told a guy it's OK to "get off" at work, he'd probably whip it out right there and blow a load all over his desk.

So those are the secrets to pushing my buttons. Too bad none of you know where I am. LOL

CJ

I FUCKING HATE SNOW

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!

Its fucking 12 midnight on Monday. I got home about 10 minutes ago. What's normally a 30 minute drive to work took 2 FUCKING HOURS there and another 2 FUCKING HOURS back. And you wanna know why I drove 2 FUCKING HOURS to work and 2 FUCKING HOURS back? Because Audrey is a FUCKING GREEDY BITCH. That's why.

I called her up and told her it was gonna be a bad one today, but that bitch cunt asshole told us to go to work anyway. Monday is only 1 shift - the night shift, and I got stuck with it during the snow storm. And to make things more interesting, I had offered (for the first time) to drive Cindy to work.

So there we were - stuck in traffic and snow for 2 hours on the way in. Well, at least we had plenty of time to catch up on the last couple of years! Nothing breaks the ice better than to be locked inside of a little metal box traveling 10 miles per hour behind assholes who don't know how to drive in the snow.

Anyway.

Like I was saying, Cindy and I had more than a few minutes to kill on Monday afternoon, so I got her life story. Turns out that the money she stole from me only lasted her a few days. She had pretty much burned all her bridges over the course of a week, so she ended up doing all sorts of things to make a living. She tried her hand at bartending, waitressing, and even hooking.

I know what you're thinking and I'm just as shocked as you are. Cindy does not have the organizational skills needed to waitress. She confirmed this and added that nothing she did lasted very long. Even the hooking, she said, she wasn't very good at.

Cindy explained that she was practicing a particular kind of hooking she called "dating." This involves seeing only guys she knew: friends, ex-boyfriends, boyfriends of her girlfriends, guys from the bar, her drug dealers, and even her old probation officer! The deal was that they'd call her up and she'd come over to their place, hang out for a bit, fuck them, hang out a bit more, then leave with the cash.

But that's not the weird part about "dating." The weird part was that if she needed, say fifty bucks, to score, she would feel perfectly free to call up these guys and make "dates" with them! I was amazed by the balls it must take to call up a guy you know and just say, "Hey... If you're not busy, can I come over and blow you for $50?"

I asked her what's the cheapest thing she ever did. She said a guy once talked her down to $20 to fuck. But the one thing that made her feel the cheapest was when she blew 2 friends in a mens room for $40. This is when she realized she had a drug problem and needed help. Well Duh. Too bad she didn't realize that the day before she ripped me off.

Funny story - Apparently Cindy tried an escort service but it didn't work out. Called up one of those places in the phone book and asked if they were hiring. She talked to some guy who set her up on her first "deal" (as they in the professional prostitution industry called them). As she stood in front of a motel door, she realized that she didn't have what it takes to fuck a complete stranger.

I don't know what's worse - fucking a guy you don't know in a motel room, or blowing 2 guys you do know in a filthy mens room. I'll leave that one up to the philosophers.

I asked what it's like to fuck guys for money, and she said it's not actually that horrible. She would just turn herself to face the wall and just try to tune out till they were done. Said as long as you don't make eye contact, it's easier. Knowing the guys gave her a false sense of security - like she was somehow safer with a familiar face. I guess that kinda makes sense.

And the sessions were all pretty much the same. She'd start by blowing them. While they fucked they'd either say something along the lines of "Oh my Gawd you're so hot..." or "Take it ya fuckin' whore!" Then they'd cum and she would have to push them off her and make small talk for a little bit before heading over to her dealer. It was a routine she lived with for almost a year.

What changed it all was one day she crashed a friends car while driving high as a kite. DUI was the least of her problems, and she ended up in jail for 5 months. It was rough, she said, but at least it cleaned her up.

I managed to get all that out of her during our 2 hours to work and 2 hours back (did I mention that I spent 2 FUCKING HOURS driving to and 2 FUCKING HOURS driving from work?). I don't know if I feel any differently about her, but at least I know what to replace the "......" with when I talk about what happened to the girl who used to be my BFF.

Oh, and no customers came in on Monday.

CJ

Confessions of a Hustler Honey

We get a lot of guys in here claiming to be "photographers," but believe it or not, I've actually had a few real ones from Playboy, fashion mags and stuff. How do I know they were real? Well, the phony guys are the ones who are always "scouting" for talent, and want you to come to their room at the Best Western for some "test shots." The real McCoys tell you upfront that they only work with agencies.

Now the Playboy guy was interesting. He said that I'm probably better looking than most of the models he has to work with (mind you - this was a couple years ago). He confessed that most of the women you see in the magazine require hours of makeup, are too short to be fashion models, are a total nightmare to work with, and end up getting airbrushed anyway. He asked me if I had done any modeling before and I said no (unless you consider those pictures taken last summer at a wet T-shirt contest as "modeling"). Back then I was this young, naive girl who had a jealous boyfriend and never dreamed of leaving town, so I ended up telling him that I'd be too embarassed to do anything like that. This is one of the few opportunities in my life that I now regret not taking advantage of.

I told the guy that I could never show my face, but he said that's not a problem. This is when I learned that Playboy and other magazines use something called "body" models. Let's say that a model has a kickin' body and a butter-face. They could do photoshoots of just the body parts they like (breasts, ass, etc.) and then use them by themselves in ads and stuff. The other thing they can do (and this is the freaky thing) is that they can also digitally put my breasts on another womans body! The Playboy guy said they don't do that for the pictorials, but it's done all the time for advertisements in magazines and catalogs. If I was interested I could probably get $500 per photo session. I had to tell him "no" since I knew my boyfriend at the time would be totally against it.

Then there was the time I was contacted by a guy from Hustler magazine. Apparently a male friend of mine sent in a pic for their "Beaver Hunt" without telling me. Well LUCKILY they couldn't print anything without my permission, but I guess they found the pic interesting enough for them to try to find me. This "friend" of mine had some pics of me and a girlfriend washing our cars one hot summer day. Well, when you mix enough beer, water, suds, and bikini clad girls together, it quickly degenerates into the kind of soft porn you see on Cinemax late at night.

So out of the blue, this "friend" called me up and explained what he had done with the pics. After I finished screaming and yelling at him for an hour, I finally settled down and agreed to call the guy from Hustler. The person I ended up talking to was an editor from the magazine who wanted to put me in contact with a professional photographer.

We chatted for a bit and he said that my pics more than guaranteed me a spot in the Beaver Hunt (wow - what an honor!), but he wanted to know if I'd be interested in doing some nude modeling for ads or pictorials (apparently the actual "Honeys" are professional adult models and I would have to work my way up to that). We talked money and it turned out not to be great. But what really killed the deal was (once again) an overly jealous boyfriend.

I sat down with him afterwards to explain what happened. I had to be careful because I knew he would want to murder my "friend," so I played it up as a joke that we were both in on. He bought my story, but still gave a big "No fucking way" to the idea of me modeling nude.

Now this decision is NOT one of the ones that I regret as I look back! But every now and then when I feel like my life is a total train wreck, I think back to that phone conversation and what might have been if I had said "sure!" Who knows, maybe this blog woulda been called "Confessions Of An Aging Porn Star."

CJ

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

I got some e-mails recently asking if any of this stuff I write about is true. Well the problem is that I'm not very imaginative, so it's hard for me to make anything up. Believe me - I've tried. And when I do it usually ends up sounding like really bad porn. I've discovered that it's soooooo much easier just to talk about what really happens around here.

Sure, I may exaggerate every now and then if it makes a story funnier, but for the most part everything I've written about here really happened. For example, did anyone notice how I didn't do a Freak of the Week for a long while there? That's because for all those weeks my customers were the usual, boring, topless-with-a-hand-release Regulars. If I get desperate again for another FOTW, I'd sooner just talk about someone from the good old days instead of trying to make something up.

Another example is the Sugar Daddies. I could only WISH that I had a dozen stories to share with you today, but times are tough and the SD's are all at home with their wives and kids. Right now I'm kicking myself for not starting my "confessions" 3 years ago when the economy was good and The Business was booming. Guys want the freakiest things when they have money to burn. But nowadays, they settle for your basic, mundane massage plus happy ending. Sucks for you since that doesn't give me anything to talk about!

And finally, if I were to make stuff up, wouldn't every post here look like something straight out of Penthouse Forum? I'd be blowing guys left and right, the money would be flowing, and I'd be saying all sorts of bullshit lies like "... normally I would never have done this, but I was just so horny!..." Instead, I'm bitching about cheap ass customers, an evil boss, and how I can't seem to find the right guy. Boring - yes, but that's reality for ya.

If I were to start making shit up, I think I'd like to start with my very own happy ending. Maybe a rich European prince who models swimwear in his spare time, when he's not doing charity work with AIDS babies, would sweep me off my feet (and better yet - my left hand) and take me away to his 100 room castle on the beach filled with maids and butlers and chefs and a personal bowling alley (this is my fantasy - not yours) where my very own baby unicorn lives.

So if you want some made up stuff, I'm sorry but I can't help you. As you can see, whenever I make stuff up it ends with a guy wearing Speedos in a bowling alley. If you don't mind, I'll just stick with what I know, even if that means fat guys dancing in ladies underwear.

CJ

Freak of the Week - The Stripper

We got a new Regular that I'll call Chuck. Well Chuck is a heavy set guy who works locally with a DOT crew. Funny man - he has no problem parking his DOT truck in our parking lot whenever he comes in. We have guys who park 2 blocks over and across the street because they're so worried about being seen, but that's another story...

He's tried everyone here at one time or another, but he's finally settled on me as his favorite. Apparently Audrey treated him mean so he'll never see her again (she actually made fat jokes in front of him - Gawd she's stupid sometimes). Trina gave a good massage, but he said she's too quiet when compared to me (shit - a Mack Truck is quiet compared to me). And Cindy - she just freaked him out. First of all, he was turned off by all of her tattoos. And second, the last time he had her, he tried sucking on her breasts and got a nasty little surprise - Milk shot out!!!! Well that kinda shit's gonna happen when you're 6 month pregnant.

First time I had Chuck, he was just a normal customer. Yesterday was only the second time I had ever seen him. I got him in the room and sat with him on the table. When I asked him what options he wanted, he surprised me with a request. "Can I do something for you today?"

He seemed harmless enough so I said "Whatcha got in mind?"

"I want to strip for you."

I misunderstood him at first. "You want me to do a striptease for you? I can but I'm really bad at it..."

He shook his head, "No no no. I'm going to strip for you!" I think he saw the weird look on my face because he asked, "Do you mind? Would you be disgusted if I did that...?" he kinda trailed off.

"Oh hell no. I'd love it!" No one has ever stripped for me before, so I was all for it.

He nodded like a happy kid and asked again just to be sure it was OK. I said it was, so he paid up front for a topless. He got off the table while I began to take my clothes off. I hopped on the table and lied on my side while he fiddled with the radio looking for dance music.

"It's not gonna be a lapdance. I mean, I don't want to crush you or anything." I laughed at this. "I just wanna strip baby!" And with that he started to gyrate.

"Woo Hoo Baby! Yeah!" I was loving it. This was a new one for me.

Let me tell ya - for a heavy guy he had some moves. He started doing these Chippendale moves while fully clothed. It totally reminded me of an old Saturday Night Live sketch with Chris Farley. Then the jacket came off and he threw it across the room. I almost fell of the table laughing. Next came the hat, then the shoes, the hoodie, socks, and finally his belt.

So I'm sitting there clapping and cheering him on when he moves closer and starts to slowly pull up his shirt in a sexy kind of way. As the shirt inched up over his chest that's when I noticed - he was wearing pasties! The kind with the little tassles on them!!!

I coulda died. At first I was shocked, but then I was totally impressed. This guy actually put some thought and practice into it. He swung that shirt around then threw it at me. By this time I was completely into it, so I picked up the cash he had left on the table. He got me feeling frisky so I reached forward and grabbed him by the front of the pants. I pulled him towards me then stuffed all the bills down the front.

Chuck started laughing with me. I pushed him away and began clapping and cheering for him to take the pants off. So he spun around, shook his ass in my face, then dropped them.

He was wearing a black thong.

You think the pasties shocked me? I think my jaw hit the floor. Chuck spun around and that's when I realized it wasn't just a thong. I guess Chuck doesn't have much experience with sexy underwear because he was wearing a LADIES thong. Chuck's junk was hanging every which way. And with every dance move, it just swung all over the place! His poor balls must have been black and blue from being squished like that.

And that's when I lost it. I just doubled up on the table laughing my ass off. Chuck lost it too and we both just laughed ourselves silly for a few minutes. When we both calmed down, I ordered him on the table. He took the thong off and laid back - still giggling.

I couldn't let that kind of performance go un-rewarded, so I immediately began to work his poor black and blue dick with my hands. After a few minutes he yells out "I'm ready!" and finishes right there. I told him that my intention was to give him a double, but he said that he got what he came for and he's happy. So he tipped me an extra $50 bucks and thanked me again. It was one of the most fun sessions I've had in a long time.

Why can't all my customers be that much fun? Oh well, count on a government worker to make my day.

CJ

Freaks of the Weeks: Celebrities

You'd be surprised how many famous people pass through here. Not every day, but over the years I've seen actors, sports stars, local TV personalities, etc.

Since we're located very near 2 major highways that lead outta Philly, we get a lot of cross country traffic. So it's not unusual for anyone famous to pass through this area. Local celebs from Philly have their vacation homes out past us and into Amish country or the Poconos. And we also get the sports teams passing between Philly, Pittsburgh and DC through here.

Why a massage parlor if you're famous enough to get laid on your own? Well if you want to remain anonymous, no other customers will see you in a parlor (unlike a strip club). Also, they have more than enough money to get what they want (we're a lot more convenient than picking up girls in the hotel bar). And finally, for the busy celebrity you can get in, get off and get out in less than an hour.

TV actors
This is a weird story. I've had at least 2 actors that I know of. The first guy was from a TV show I follow on the Gay Channel. I thought he looked familiar when I first saw him. Once we were in the room, he mentioned up front that he's on TV. Some of the celebrity types do that to try to get special treatment.

The session itself was relatively normal. I remember that he took a 45 minute topless, but the weird part was during the hand release. While I was jerking him off, he kept saying things like "... I've never had a girl touch me before... Oh this is so wrong... What are you doing to me..." It was almost like he was in his TV character! I'm not kidding you when I say this, but after it was all done, I kinda felt like I had just molested this guy. No joke - I was totally weirded out by it. I was almost convinced that I was the first girl to ever jerk him off. So either this guy really was gay, or he was just an incredible actor.

The 2nd actor guy I recognized as soon as he walked in the door. He was from the SAME TV show as the first guy! They must have talked about this place because he asked for me by name. Anyway, he didn't say who he was - just acted like a regular customer. And when the session was over, I swear - I had barely finished washing the cum off my hands before I was on the internet looking for his picture. And yup - it was him.

Sports celebrities
I don't know how many athletes I've had over the years, but I've seen 'em all: baseball, football, hockey, basketball, and even a pro wrestler! We see a lot of Eagles out here (Go Eagles!), and I've even partied with some at the local bars. Hockey players are by far the coolest because they're not nearly as full of themselves. But the guy I was probably most impressed to see was the wrestler.

The Wrestler was probably one of the most ripped guys I've ever worked on. Other athletes do not even compare! I know it's mostly for show, but WOW - talk about eye candy. He was just the nicest, down-to-earth kinda guy too. And yes - he was one of the Hotties I talked about! Spent the entire session wondering it would be like to wrap myself in that...

Now apart from the wrestler, athletes tend to be full of themselves. They're all like "I bet you've never had a guy like me in before... Am I hot or what... Tell me I'm the best looking guy you've ever seen..." You get the point.

And since they're all rich, you'd think that they'd be throwing money at you, but noooooooo. They start off being cheap because they think they can get stuff off you for free since they're famous. But I've learned this trick from other girls over the years - if you treat them just like any other pushy customer and stand your ground, eventually they'll open those wallets and make it worth your while. Trina once got a $1000 tip from a football player, and she didn't even have to do anything weird!

Local Celebrities
We've had more than our share of local celebrities including TV reporters, minor league sports players, radio DJ's (more than I care to remember), city councilmen (NEVER ours - always next town over which shall remain nameless) and the occasional guy from those really bad car dealership commercials.

DJ's are the most annoying because they think they're famous and demand to be treated so. But I think my favorite celeb of all time was a local weatherman. If you knew just how obsessed I am with the weather, you'd understand. I mean for me, this was MY rockstar. He was your stereotypical chubby, funny weather guy - and I almost died when I saw him walk in. Let me tell you - I must have talked his ear off during the entire session. I don't know if he'd ever want to see me again, because I must have asked him a thousand questions about his job.

This is how starstruck I was - I TALKED THROUGHOUT HIS ENTIRE HAPPY ENDING. Looking back I feel sorry for the guy having to hear me yap away while he's trying to finish. I'm embarassed to say this now, but it went something like this:

Weatherman: "Oooooooh...mmmmmmm... Oh Yeah..."
Me: "So can you actually see the weather map behind you or is it one of those green screens?"
Weatherman: "...Uhhhhh... It's green...Ohhhhhhh... right there..."
Me: "Have you ever seen a tornado?"
Weatherman: "...un huh... UN HUH......... UN HUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!"

I think in my next life I'm gonna be a weather girl. Trina said I could never turn sideways because you'd have trouble seeing the weather map behind me.

CJ

The Hottie and the Nottie

Some of you asked recently if we ever get really hot guys in as customers and what that's like for us. Well, we do get our share but unfortunately it's not nearly as often as we'd like.

I asked around The Business the other day if anyone had any good "Hot Customer" stories. We all had a good laugh talking about it, but in the end we all had similar experiences. I really hate to break it to everyone out there, but none of us had any "Penthouse Forum" type stories to share. Sorry! I mean I coulda lied and said we'd all sucked some guys dick because he looked like Marky-Mark just to make good reading, but I'm here to teach you - not make things up.

The thing is when you meet a REALLY hot guy, girls tend to feel intimidated. Now when I say "good looking" I don't mean a better-than-average, most-popular-in-high-school type. I'm talking CK underwear model here. I mean HOT! When I get a total hottie, I go from outgoing to totally shy in 2 seconds. We all agreed that the hot ones make us feel too self conscious to really relax and just enjoy the view.

Ya wanna know who really can't deal with a hot guy? Audrey. Since she's the oldest one here, and her body ain't what it used to be, she totally clams up with the guys, and even cranks down the room lights as low as they'll go! Trina said she's also done the light trick with hot customers since she's a little chunky. Then there's Cindy... You'd assume that she just jumps them in the room - right? But no - she said she usually develops an attitude with these guys like, "Yeah - you think you're so hot. Well fuck you. Ya gotta pay for this shit..." And yes - she will make them pay!

You'd think that the Hotties would come in and really try to work their charms on us. I hate to burst your bubble, but on average they tend to be the least demanding and pervy of our customers. So with that said, the Hotties end up being treated no differently than other customers.

Now I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm indifferent to these guys. Whenever I get a Hottie, I'm like "yeah baby... I wonder what that would taste like dipped in chocolate..." But since I'm a professional, I express that sentiment as "yes... can I help you?" Also, I might develop a case of amnesia and forget to mention that other girls are available. LOL

Once in the room, I usually act more subdued than usual. If anything, I prefer they take a topless option since I feel so self conscious about the rest of my body. Then when I get them on the table I'll fantasize about what it would be like to fuck them. But no - I've never made a move on them. And whenever they've made a move on me, I've always given them the, "I'm sorry, we're not allowed to do that" line. For me, when it comes to doing extras for free - I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's all about attitude. Make me laugh, treat me with respect, or engage me in conversation and then I'm up for doing something extra for fun. But just because you've got washboard abs and hair styled better than mine - doesn't mean I'm doing anything extra.

Now this brings me to the Notties... The Notties are the guys who've been beaten with the ugly stick. I don't mean just unattractive, I mean missing teeth, unwashed, B.O., uni-brow guys. These customers tend to be the most demanding, picky and perverted of the customers. They'll come in and demand the Beauty Pageant (where all the girls have to come up front for their inspection), give us an attitude, argue price, and then demand all sorts of pervy shit in the rooms. I guess they figure that since they're paying customers, then can get whatever they want. Sorry - doesn't work that way guys. We're masseuses, not sex slaves.

So if there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that looks aren't everything. If you really want to charm us, better work more on your sense of humor than your hairstyle.

CJ

Freak of the Week - The Whiner

I know I've been slacking on my Freaks of the Week, but I got carried away with talking about my pathetic love life. I've been too distracted to even notice my latest winner, so here we go with the new Freak of the Week!

Cletus is a real local redneck. I'm talking the pickup truck, bib overalls, truckers hat, chewing tobacco - I mean everything. He's been showing up on a regular basis since December, so I guess he's one of the lucky guys around here to still have a job.

He bounced around between all the girls here, but asked for me for his last 2 Sessions. I should be happy to have a new Regular in this economy, but this guy makes me want to jump off a cliff. His problem is that he's totally pissed off about everything. From the minute he walks through the door to the minute we show him out, he just bitches and moans about:

Every little ache & pain
The government
The weather
His job
His last job and one before that
The ex wife
The ex mother law
His childhood
The cancellation of Knight Rider
and basically everything else that's happened to him since birth.


He walked in yesterday and I swear a vein in my forehead popped out. "Gawd it's nasty out there."

"Whadya mean? It's 50 degrees and sunny out."

"Fuckin' ice is melting and mud all over the roads. And three assholes almost hit me on the way over here. I swear... I remember..."

This is my third time with Cletus, so I cut him off. "You want a session? Audrey and I are here." I threw out Audrey's name in the hopes that maybe I can throw a little pain her way. Audrey shoots me a dirty look from across the room where she's standing. No go. He wants me.

He always books a 45 minute session, which is funny because we've all noticed that he's done in 20. I suggested he save some money and pay for just 30 minutes instead. I do this partly to save him money, partly to limit my time with him, but mostly to piss off Audrey. I get the daggers from her again.

"What the fuck? You tryin' to rip me off or something..."

I give him the stop sign with my hand and say "No I'm not... It's just that...never mind. Go in that room over there and get comfortable. I'll be there in a minute." Audrey laughs when the door closes behind him and then tells me that's what I deserve for suggesting he take a cheaper option. Bitch.

If I kept a bottle of rum in the office I'd do a shot right about now. But I don't, so I take a deep breath and go in the room. Just as I had suspected, he's sitting on the table naked from the waist down. It's his thing - he refuses to take off his T-shirt during Session because he's "shy." His dick may be hanging out, but he's "shy" about his shirt. Go figure.

"It's fuckin' cold in here. What - you don't pay your fuckin' bills around here? And why is it so dark... I'm paying to see you naked and you keep the lights off and..."

Ya see why I would have gladly pawned him off on Audrey? This shit goes on for the ENTIRE session. I swear, by the end of it I just wanna hang myself. Luckily I have a cold, so my hearing is off just enough that I can kinda tune him out.

He asks for an extra soft massage (which I give THROUGH his T-shirt), with me naked. But he wants me to start in bra and panties, and then lose them during the massage. And I almost forgot - he does the session lying on his back. I'm only allowed to touch his legs and chest. He totally freaks if I touch his back.

"I ran into Fred the other day." I have no idea who Fred is, nor do I care. "That fucker's been outta work for 3 months now. Good for you I says. I always hated that fuck. Did you know he used to call me 'Ugly Duckiling' in high school?"

This I do know. Why? Because he only mentions it every 5 minutes. So instead of answering, I take my bra off instead. Cletus is not an ugly man. He's in his mid 30's, tall and lanky in that country music star kinda way. He's not my type, but if he combed his hair and traded in the overalls for some jeans, my girlfriends would be all over him. Oh - and he'd also have to keep his mouth shut. LOL

"Bailout my ass. Give me a billion dollars instead. I could fuckin' use that kinda money. They''re all fuckin' crooks if ya ask me..." I've discovered that he doesn't really want or need me to respond to him. I start working on his pecs through the T-shirt. 15 minutes have past, but it feels like 2 weeks. The Catholic school girl in me begins to wonder if pergatory is like this.

At a certain point I decide that he's gotten his money's worth for the massage (and I can't take any more of his whining). The G-string comes off.

"... and who did he think he was talking to...Hey! Well it's about fuckin' time you got naked..." Now his Little Cletus rises to the occasion. "... Uh...Do you mind if I ... uh... you know?"

I give a big dramatic sigh. "Well OK - go ahead" I say as if I'm doing him a huge favor. This is his cue to climb off the table. I turn around and lean back against the table to steady myself while Cletus kneels in front of me. I spread my legs slightly so he can get a good grip on the left one. Then without oil or anything, he starts humping my leg.

"Unnnnhhh... Mmmmmm... Unnnnhh... That fucker still pisses me off when he... Unnnnhhh... asks for money...Mmmmmmm..."

"Don't talk Cletus" I command him. This is really the only moment when I can get him to shut up. After about a minute or so, he gives out a little groan and shoots his cum on my leg. He sits on the floor to catch his breath while I compliment him on the size of his load (guys love that). "Wow - that's like a weeks worth! It feels so warm on my skin." I let him marvel at it for a few seconds before I grab a towel and clean myself up.

After he's caught his breath, he stands up. "Last time I was here, I was so miserable I wanted to hang myself in this room."

"Glad you didn't. Now dress up and I'll see you outside." I make a quick dash out the door - clothes in hand. I'd rather be naked in the hallway than have to listen to more of him.

Eventually he comes back to the front desk - only slightly less miserable than when he walked in. "Don't you hate it when..."

We've all learned how to handle a customer who doesn't want to leave. "I've got an appointment in 2 minutes. It was nice seeing you!" And with that I whisk him out the front door. In all, I made $100 for the nude, plus another $60 for the leg release. Not bad for 20 minutes of massage, but not worth it for the 20 minutes of psycho-therapy.

Next time he makes an appointment I'm taking a xanax ahead of time so he can say whatever he wants - I just won't care. Either that or I'm getting earplugs.

CJ

Mr. Perfect

Someone asked me if I'd give up all this for the "right" guy. I thought about it and the answer is no. Seriously. Not the answer you were expecting, is it?

After much soul searching (and a VERY long phone conversation with Trina the other night), I realized that I'd only leave if Mr. Right could support me (at the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed or a little better of course!). Anything short of that, and I wouldn't leave. Ya see, I'm very independent and have been pretty much taking care of myself ever since 10th grade. Because of that, it's really hard for me to depend on anyone. And if Mr. Right can't take care of his little CJ, then I see no reason to quit.

I like my job. I don't love it, but I actually like coming to work. What on Earth could I possibly enjoy about jerking guys off you ask? Well, I like most of my Regulars, the pay is decent, the work is a no-brainer, I get all the Lifetime TV shows I want, and I get to hang out with my BFF all week. What more could a girl want?! Sure, it gets weird sometimes, but it's my weirdness and I'm kinda used to it.

Some of you are probably shaking your heads and saying "Yeah, but how can you be happy when you constantly have to lie to everyone about your job?" To those people I ask you this - do you truly know what anyone else does outside of your little work world? Let's say you were an accountant, would you really tell the boring details of your day to a room full of firemen? I didn't think so. Not only would they not understand you, they wouldn't even care. Instead, we all just make general statements about how happy or miserable we are.

For example - with my co-workers I could say "I had a bad day...That last customer wanted to stick a finger up my ass..." But with a boyfriend, I would just say "I had a bad day... That last customer was a real pain in my ass..."

Exact same sentiment, different wording. So where's the lie? This approach has worked for me all these years, so I see no compelling reason to "confess" anything to anyone (other than all you beautiful, loving, adoring fans of course - that's what YOU guys are for!). So if I won't leave work for a guy, you only have yourselves to blame. Don't you feel bad now?

I think a better reason for leaving The Business is this lousy economy. I've never seen times this bad before. Once I can't make ends meet, THEN it's time to move on - not for some lousy stinking man. LOL

There, does that answer your question?

CJ

p.s. I would also like to add that I am now accepting applications for the position of Boyfriend/Fiance. Must be able to keep me in the following:

1) Fully clothed in the latest fashions from Abercrombie
2) Scantily clothed in the latest lingerie from Victoria's Secret
3) Smelling pretty with the latest scent from Burberry
4) Sparkling in the latest designs from Tiffany
5) Cruising in a late model full size pickup truck
6) Entertained with Lifetime on a HD TV
7) Typsy with the finest beers from Mexico
8) Weak-kneed from daily furious fucking
9) And tanned from semi-annual trips to Cancun

Please e-mail me a pic of the truck.

xoxoxo
CJ

I Give Great First Date

Reflex, Kenny, HOP, and Sir - thank you for being honest! No offense, but I think the rest of you are full of shit.

I've never dated a customer, but I know plenty of girls who have and it usually ended badly. Sooner or later the jealousy creeps in and gets the best of the guy. It usually wasn't deserved, but in some cases it was (what? - she didn't explain that she was full service with everyone BUT you?). Some guys hang in there, but they're almost always the total loser type - no job, no car, in a band, etc. And the funniest thing about them is that when you ask "So... how did you two meet?" they always say something stupid like "... at Borders." Yeah - like you know how to read.

Funny thing is that there never seems to be any problems with the married girls. Husbands don't seem to mind. I think it has something to do with the giant wad of cash the wife brings home at the end of the day. Money may not buy you love, but it can definitely get you to overlook that cock smell on the hands.

Even though I've never dated a customer, I have gone out with a few with mixed results. The most common problem was the guys who just assumed I was easy. Look buddy - you PAID for that handjob at work. That pasta dinner ain't getting you jack squat.

But the worst problem with seeing a guy outside of work is the "misunderstanding" that this was supposed to be a date, and NOT full-service outcall. I had a couple of these after I first got in The Business. Let me tell ya - there's nothing more awkward on a first date when he begins the conversation with "I got us a room at the Motel 6" as opposed to the more subtle "What would you like to drink?"

Now I'm sure that the rest of you guys were sincere when you said that you'd probably date someone like me in spite of what I do, and in some cases because of what I do. When you put it that way, I guess you could say that I give great first date. I could amaze you with all sorts of bizarre stories about work - and with a tight enough shirt I could keep your eyes from wandering the room. But after a few stories that end with "... then I wiped his cum off me" you guys would assume that I've replaced the good night kiss with a handjob.

Another dilemma about dating a customer is that (believe it or not) I would never want to date a guy who went to massage parlors. Heck, I even have problems with guys I'm dating going to strip clubs! The thing is, once you're a Regular, you're always a Regular. Just because he's dating me and getting all the erotic massages he wants, I know he's probably still going to another Business. I once had a coworker who started dating a customer. What she didn't know is that he used to come in when she was off to get sessions from the other girls. We never said a thing either, because he was a great tipper.

So there you have it. Now you know why I just tell guys that I'm a shampooer at a Day Spa. But if any of you out there still think you could date me, thank you! I do feel flattered.

CJ

Worst Blind Date Ever - Epilogue

I got a call from Craig over the weekend. My first thought was "Ugh - I have nothing to say to him." So I let it kick over to voicemail.

Basically he pleaded for forgiveness for his behavior and then begged me for another chance. I really wasn't expecting this response considering that he almost totally ignored me all evening, so I made a few phone calls of my own.

Apparently Marsha said a few unpleasant things to her friends who then told their friends until it eventually got back to Craig that he acted like a total asshole on Saturday. In other words, he never figured it out himself - it took about 12 people to finally clue him in.

In the voicemail, he said a bunch of his old college buddies were in town and he thought he could combine the blind date with their little reunion. Well fuck that. If I wanted an inattentive asshole I'd go back to the old Asshole. Any guy who's immune to the charms of "The Girls," is useless to me anyway.

Now I wonder what it would be like to date a customer? Or at least a guy who fully knows what I do for a living and he's OK with it. Is that even possible? Question for you guys out there - could you date an erotic masseuse and be OK with it?

Pros:
Professional massages
Decent paycheck
Wicked handjobs

Cons:
Guys constantly hitting on her
Co-workers are Ho's and Druggies
Occasional semen stain in hair

Well? Could ya do it?

CJ