With all the weirdness going on this week, I thought I'd just catch you guys up quickly on whats going on around here.
Remember the new girl we hired, Rachel? Well, it looks like she's history. Audrey would fire her personally, if she ever bothered to show up to work anymore. Oh well, back to interviewing again. Please feel free to send those resumes to:
Audrey
c/o The Business
Please include a short paragraph on why you hate yourself enough to work here, and a list of all the non-prescription drugs you are addicted to.
The other big thing going on in my life is that my boy-toy (Brad Pitt Clone) is no longer speaking to me. Apparently I kinda blabbed to him (while drunk) about how I have a profile on Match.com. This did not go over well (go figure). But the good news is that I think I have an internet blind date Saturday night. Keep your fingers crossed that he's not too weird.
And I ALMOST forgot... I finally heard from Andy!!! Remember him??? Anyway, he called and we patched things up. I promised to make it up to him and we're all cool now. He's coming in next week, so I'll probably give him a free double happy ending. With my luck, I'll probably be on the phone with my mom during Andy's massage this time. How kinky would that be? LOL
CJ
Showing posts with label Brad Pitt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brad Pitt. Show all posts
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Narc
Audrey finally hired someone. I like how she waited until I was off to do it. The new girl is named Rachel, and she worked for the Other Business a couple years ago. Trina and I vaguely remember her name. I called over to the Other Place just to make sure it was the same girl we were thinking of and it checked out. They didn’t have much to say about her, other than she was kinda on and off for a while before she finally quit.
It’s unclear what she was doing the last couple years. She told Audrey during the interview that she was at home taking care of her boyfriends kids and doing odd jobs. Trina and I called up some of our Go-To girls to get the real story. Rumor has it she had run-ins with the law over the years - possibly drugs or some domestic shit. One of my friends implied she may have been an informant for the police, but she had no proof. Trina heard something similar, except that Rachel had blabbed about the Other Business to the police in order to get out of a drug rap. Once again, no proof of any of this, so now we’re stuck with her. Oh well.
She’s kinda cute. Medium height, thin but not skinny. Dark brown hair in a perm. No obvious signs of drug use (thank God). So far she’s been really quiet, which is kinda creepy, but I guess that’s normal with people you don’t know. I was trying all day to get some sort of personal dirt out of her, but nada. If she really is a Narc, maybe we can get her to trip up on her own story.
Narcs aren’t common in this business. I mean, how can a Narc work her way into a full-service Business when she actually has to fuck customers to do it? And the non-full service places like us – forget it. You think the cops are interested in a story about how you DIDN’T blow some guy for money? Please…
Anyway, I gave Rachel the first customer of the day just to see how she’d do. Audrey already gave her the talk about how we are NOT full-service, the speech we give before the happy ending, our prices for the options, how to dress, etc… (as if Audrey actually follows any of her own rules). Rachel’s first session was 30 minutes with a $80 tip. Well I know that guy went home happy, so it looks like she’s one of us.
I insisted we close the business so we could do lunch together - partly because I get bored eating by myself, but mostly because I wanted to see how she reacts when she’s not alone. I mean, would she spend the hour glancing at her cell phone? Or maybe sneak off to the bathroom and come back wiping her nose? You can learn a lot about a person when they’re stuck sitting next to you for an hour.
Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report about her other than she recently broke up with her boyfriend and now has to work. I did think it was odd though that she claims she never worked full-service for the Other Business when I know all the girls there do (I know I was able to get away with it, but that was a while ago). The next time Trina works with her, I’ll make sure she asks the exact same questions so we can compare notes. I’ll keep you posted on how she works out.
As for me, I don’t have anything new to report. I had the entire weekend off, so I spent it hanging out at my mom’s place doing gardening. I also had a “date” with the Brad Pitt clone. He’s nice and all, but if he apologizes one more time for how he treated me in high school, I’m going to strangle him.
CJ
It’s unclear what she was doing the last couple years. She told Audrey during the interview that she was at home taking care of her boyfriends kids and doing odd jobs. Trina and I called up some of our Go-To girls to get the real story. Rumor has it she had run-ins with the law over the years - possibly drugs or some domestic shit. One of my friends implied she may have been an informant for the police, but she had no proof. Trina heard something similar, except that Rachel had blabbed about the Other Business to the police in order to get out of a drug rap. Once again, no proof of any of this, so now we’re stuck with her. Oh well.
She’s kinda cute. Medium height, thin but not skinny. Dark brown hair in a perm. No obvious signs of drug use (thank God). So far she’s been really quiet, which is kinda creepy, but I guess that’s normal with people you don’t know. I was trying all day to get some sort of personal dirt out of her, but nada. If she really is a Narc, maybe we can get her to trip up on her own story.
Narcs aren’t common in this business. I mean, how can a Narc work her way into a full-service Business when she actually has to fuck customers to do it? And the non-full service places like us – forget it. You think the cops are interested in a story about how you DIDN’T blow some guy for money? Please…
Anyway, I gave Rachel the first customer of the day just to see how she’d do. Audrey already gave her the talk about how we are NOT full-service, the speech we give before the happy ending, our prices for the options, how to dress, etc… (as if Audrey actually follows any of her own rules). Rachel’s first session was 30 minutes with a $80 tip. Well I know that guy went home happy, so it looks like she’s one of us.
I insisted we close the business so we could do lunch together - partly because I get bored eating by myself, but mostly because I wanted to see how she reacts when she’s not alone. I mean, would she spend the hour glancing at her cell phone? Or maybe sneak off to the bathroom and come back wiping her nose? You can learn a lot about a person when they’re stuck sitting next to you for an hour.
Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report about her other than she recently broke up with her boyfriend and now has to work. I did think it was odd though that she claims she never worked full-service for the Other Business when I know all the girls there do (I know I was able to get away with it, but that was a while ago). The next time Trina works with her, I’ll make sure she asks the exact same questions so we can compare notes. I’ll keep you posted on how she works out.
As for me, I don’t have anything new to report. I had the entire weekend off, so I spent it hanging out at my mom’s place doing gardening. I also had a “date” with the Brad Pitt clone. He’s nice and all, but if he apologizes one more time for how he treated me in high school, I’m going to strangle him.
CJ
Monday, May 12, 2008
CJ is Single!
That’s right folks – I’m back on the market. I finally dumped the Jackass yesterday after a pretty horrible week of fighting. I don’t want to go into details here but let’s just say that it’s been a long time coming.
Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m lonely or depressed. In fact, I’ve totally been keeping my eyes open for a “rebound” for a couple months now. I’ve been hanging out a lot lately with an old boyfriend from high school. I think he was like the 2nd or 3rd guy I ever dated. Anyway, we never had sex – so he dumped me after a few months for not putting out. For some reason, this kinda stuck with me till this day, so I throw it in his face every chance I get.
To me, he looks like Brad Pitt (if Brad Pitt had thinning hair and always wore sneakers). So if I mention him on this thing, I’ll call him “Brad Pitt.” I’ve been in contact with him on and off since high school, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend 4 months ago we started hanging out more often. Then things really picked up over the last month when I started fighting with Jackass.
Now normally I wouldn’t be wasting all this time boring you guys with seedy details of my personal life. Remember - this blog thing is supposed to be dedicated to my “professional” stories. But the whole Brad Pitt (or BP) thing throws a monkey wrench into my separation of work and home. You see – BP knows what I do for a living.
Kinda.
I think it was after a night of 12 beers and jaeger shots that I might have said something about where I work. And him being a local and all – he said something like… “You mean that ‘Rub Club’ by the highway?” (GAWD – I hate the term Rub club!)
I vaguely remember trying to explain to him through carefully selected slurred words that it’s not what he thinks and I don’t care what he’s heard. I know for a fact that he’s never been to the Business (or not our Business anyway). So I think I was able to convince him that I do massages while in a bikini. It was the best I could come up with under the circumstances!
I’m pretty sure it worked. He actually came to the Business since then to take me out to lunch. And since our foyer looks like a regular spa (especially to men who don’t go to spas), he didn’t look twice or ask any questions. So there goes my cover story of being a shampooer.
Trina asked me what I’d do if he ever decided he wanted to surprise me as a customer. I said I didn’t want to think about it since I would probably be tempted to break every rule I have regarding customers! LOL Then she asked me what I’d do if he ever came in as one of HER customers. “Well I’d just have to castrate him” I said half-jokingly.
Is that hypocritical of me? Did I even spell that word right?
I hate the idea of going through the whole dating crap all over again. I wish there were some sort of female-equivalent to massage parlors where I could just walk in – get off with some hot guy – then walk out and not worry about diseases or whether his mom will like me. I swear – if we had those, there’d be no more need for marriage!
And don't worry guys - I'll try to stay away from my personal drama and come up with some interesting work stories for next time.
CJ
Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m lonely or depressed. In fact, I’ve totally been keeping my eyes open for a “rebound” for a couple months now. I’ve been hanging out a lot lately with an old boyfriend from high school. I think he was like the 2nd or 3rd guy I ever dated. Anyway, we never had sex – so he dumped me after a few months for not putting out. For some reason, this kinda stuck with me till this day, so I throw it in his face every chance I get.
To me, he looks like Brad Pitt (if Brad Pitt had thinning hair and always wore sneakers). So if I mention him on this thing, I’ll call him “Brad Pitt.” I’ve been in contact with him on and off since high school, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend 4 months ago we started hanging out more often. Then things really picked up over the last month when I started fighting with Jackass.
Now normally I wouldn’t be wasting all this time boring you guys with seedy details of my personal life. Remember - this blog thing is supposed to be dedicated to my “professional” stories. But the whole Brad Pitt (or BP) thing throws a monkey wrench into my separation of work and home. You see – BP knows what I do for a living.
Kinda.
I think it was after a night of 12 beers and jaeger shots that I might have said something about where I work. And him being a local and all – he said something like… “You mean that ‘Rub Club’ by the highway?” (GAWD – I hate the term Rub club!)
I vaguely remember trying to explain to him through carefully selected slurred words that it’s not what he thinks and I don’t care what he’s heard. I know for a fact that he’s never been to the Business (or not our Business anyway). So I think I was able to convince him that I do massages while in a bikini. It was the best I could come up with under the circumstances!
I’m pretty sure it worked. He actually came to the Business since then to take me out to lunch. And since our foyer looks like a regular spa (especially to men who don’t go to spas), he didn’t look twice or ask any questions. So there goes my cover story of being a shampooer.
Trina asked me what I’d do if he ever decided he wanted to surprise me as a customer. I said I didn’t want to think about it since I would probably be tempted to break every rule I have regarding customers! LOL Then she asked me what I’d do if he ever came in as one of HER customers. “Well I’d just have to castrate him” I said half-jokingly.
Is that hypocritical of me? Did I even spell that word right?
I hate the idea of going through the whole dating crap all over again. I wish there were some sort of female-equivalent to massage parlors where I could just walk in – get off with some hot guy – then walk out and not worry about diseases or whether his mom will like me. I swear – if we had those, there’d be no more need for marriage!
And don't worry guys - I'll try to stay away from my personal drama and come up with some interesting work stories for next time.
CJ
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