Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Worst Massage Ever

I have to tell you guys about what happened during session yesterday. I swear, it was probably the worst massage I’ve ever given. I am totally embarrassed to admit it, but I will confess and take full responsibility. I have no excuses. But let me first say that if there are any future customers reading this, I promise I would never ever do this to you.

So let me explain.

My sister and her semi/quasi/part-time/boyfriend had a big fight the other day that bordered on breakup. I hadn’t spoken to her since then so I was dying for the details.
I was in the middle of my shift yesterday when my sister finally called me. But just as she started to go into detail, the boyfriend called and she had to take it - swearing up and down she’d call me immediately afterwards.

Just then one of my Regulars, Andy, showed up unexpectedly. I was reluctant to take him, so I kinda stalled for time hoping that she’d call, but after a few minutes I gave up and booked him in. Andy is a really nice guy – quiet, but easy to get along with. He paid for 45 minutes (damn - I can’t wait 45 minutes to call my sister back!) so I just gritted my teeth and took him to the room.

Now at this point you have to understand. My baby sister is on the verge of breaking up and right when she’s about to give me her final decision, the boyfriend calls. Is this a cliffhanger or what? What could I do? Well, I did what anyone would have done – I brought my phone in session and explained to Andy that I was expecting a really really important phone call, but it shouldn’t interfere with anything.

Andy wants a G-string, so I take the phone out of my pocket and place it on the stand next to the lotion warmer. I swear to Gawd, not 10 minutes into the massage, the phone rings. It’s my sister.
Andy, I gotta take this. You understand, right?” He nods. A nod means its OK – right? Anyway, I wipe my hands on a towel and open the phone to hear my sister crying. So there I am, standing there in nothing but a G-string consoling my sister while poor naked Andy is sprawled on the table.

After a few minutes, I realize that Andy is staring at the clock. “Sorry Andy…” I swear I was gonna tell my sister I’d call her back, but instead I just sort of started rubbing Andy’s back – the phone tucked in my shoulder as I continued to calm my sister. “… Why do you let that asshole treat you like that?... Andy, I’m getting off the phone in 2 minutes, I swear...”

I start working his upper thighs while Sis tells me about the e-mails she found from an ex-girlfriend. “I hear ya… I would have done the exact same thing… OK Andy – flip… Now what did those e-mails say?”

Andy’s being a good sport. He usually doesn’t say much during session anyway, so I don’t feel too guilty. And it’s not like I’m skimping on the massage. Now she’s telling me about the 3 hour argument they had last night as I reach for the warm baby oil. “Close your eyes Andy and relax… He did not!...” Instinctively I started working Andy’s penis with my left hand. “… And you didn’t say anything to him?...” Without even thinking, my right hand slides over his balls. “…why would you let him do that?...You like that Andy, you like my warm hand?...I told you that yesterday!”

At some point, Andy came. I could tell because he touched my hand to make me stop. I looked down – he came alright. “Uh huh… that’s exactly what you should do… Here’s a towel Andy… and I’ll go if you need any help.” I wiped my hands, looked at Andy, and pointed at my phone. “I’m gonna take this outside…Uh… you were saying?...” And I just walked out of my room, completely topless and wandered towards the back room to finish the call. Left my clothes in the room and everything.

And Sis didn’t get off the phone for another half hour. I just sat on the office couch in my G-string while Trina rolled her eyes at me.

So does this make me a bad person? I swear I will never do anything like that to any customer ever again. I know some of you are already offended by my little STD/baby joke, so I'm not helping myself any. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me!



TomboCheck said...

I hope you make it up to Andy next time around..... :)

Unbroken said...

I'd forgive you because you seem like the kind of person that would make up for it the next time. I think your two-handed trick would do it for me! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't be upset, but I'd sure as heck go to the bar and start a story with,
"You will never believe what happened today!"

Anonymous said...

You should have given him a discount or something. You work in a service industry, and just like any other job in a service industry, a person shouldn't be expected to pay for a job done half-assed.

Father Bob said...

i want you to put the hot baby oil on those great tits and rub them all over me!!!...

holy shit those are nice!

mnwhr said...

Yeah you've gotta give Andy some kind of deal next time

jonph said...

CJ, if I was as lucky as Andy I would let you talk and work me with the warm oil as well...probably get a lot longer then 45 mins!?


Catherine said...

I think Andy was brave letting you go anywhere near him when he could hear you in man-hating mode to your sister! If was him I would have been protecting my assets and not let you near them!

Anonymous said...

If I had been Andy, I think I would have had a hard time cumming, with everything that was going on. He ought to get a free session or at least a major discount, if he comes back again.

BTW, you're forgiven.


Anonymous said...

You better give Andy a free session, cuz if it was me, I would be pissed.

Very unprofessional CJ!!

Anonymous said...

Did I miss it? What did your sister end up deciding? All the drama and no release! :)

cj said...

She decided to take him back. Do you believe it????!!!


Anonymous said...

LOL! The best! Ever! I hope you made it up to him.

Anonymous said...

That was bad service, but not so unusual in jack shacks. Often, the girl is working alone (if someone called in sick, in particular) and also answering phones, the door, etc. One of many reasons why I prefer full service.

Loved the rationalization: "He usually doesn’t say much during session anyway, so I don’t feel too guilty. And it’s not like I’m skimping on the massage."
It's an EROTIC massage (supposedly) - we're not machines.

To think that just a few posts ago you complained to no end about the customer who wouldn't shut his yapper...