The other day one of you guys asked if I've ever heard of a "four hands" massage and whether that's legit or not.
Think about it - 2 girls rubbing you down and you're wondering if it's legit? Questions like this made me think it's a good time to refresh your memories on the finer points of finding a massage parlor.
But first in answer to your question, yes - we call that a "double" here at The Business. When 2 girls are working you at the same time, one usually massages the legs while the other does the upper body. This way we don't keep bumping into each other while working.
When it comes to the happy ending, usually 1 girl takes over while the other girl teases the guy. I know most guys have this fantasy about 4 hands working their cock at the same time. BUT - the reality is that most guys don't have enough cock to make it happen. And there are the problems of getting the timing perfect during the jerking motion. If the 2 of you are not synchronized just right, it's basically torture for the guy (picture 4 hands colliding all over your dick - not a pretty picture).
One girl handles the dick while the other girl teases the guy to speed things up. If teasing's my job, I'll usually rub his chest or thighs, or maybe rake my fingernails over them. If the customer asks, I'll stand by his head and rub The Girls in has face, or let him fondle them. Either way, the 2-girl happy ending is usually pretty quick.
Now back to the problem of identifying a massage parlor. Let's use the 4-hand massage as an example, shall we?
The Grandma Test
Therapeutic massage is essentially about pain relief and/or relaxation. Most legit massage providers go out of their way to stress this. So When a place advertises in such a way to imply a sensual or erotic experience, it's probably a massage parlor. Advertising 2 girls rubbing you down is obviously meant to titilate (pun fully intended). Legit places will actually go out of their way to let you know they are NOT a massage parlor too. So in a way, they're making the search easier for you!
Here's another way to think about it - would the advertisement appeal to your grandmother? We'll call it the "Grandma Test." Words and phrases that may interest your grandma include:
Therapeutic
Aromatherapy
Essential Oils and Moisturizers
Hot Stones/Mud/Seaweed/etc.
Licensed
Swedish
Stress-relief
References to male staff
On the flip side, here are some words and phrases that might not interest grandma, but may be of interest to her horny grandson...
Non-therapeutic
Accupressure
24 Hour
Secure Parking
"European" or "Asian" staff
Health Spa
References to ALL female staff
"Accupressure" is the biggest crock-o-shit of all. It basically means pressure accurately applied to your dick. Any place that advertises an all European or Asian staff is definitely a massage parlor where the "European" and "Asian" merely refers to which mafia runs it.
Now "spa" can go either way. But when coupled with the word "health," it usually means parlor. And finally - any place that makes it a point of referring to their all female staff is probably a massage parlor. Look for things like "... let our girls take care of you..." etc. Like I said before, if it sounds sexy - it's probably not legit.
Here's another example... Recently a reader sent me a link to a massage provider and asked if it was legit. he was confused because it looked like they were trying too hard to claim they were. To me it was obvious in 2 seconds - they had men on their staff.
So that's your lesson for today. Any questions about specific locations, feel free to send me the link. Happy hunting!
CJ
Showing posts with label Massage parlor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Massage parlor. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 10, 2008
How to Find a Massage Parlor…
One of you guys asked me how to find an Erotic Massage Parlor. Well, the easiest way to start is to pick up the Yellow Pages. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Hummmmmmm…hummmmmm…hummmmmmmm… Ok? Got it? Now open it up to the “M’s and look for “Massage” (If you get to “Massage Therapists” – go back... you went too far). Wasn’t that easy? Go look at the listings. Anything that has the words Parlor, Sauna, or Acupressure in the title – BINGO - it’s a massage parlor! Also, if a listing sounds vaguely asian, exotic, or risqué, it’s probably a massage parlor. For example: Oriental Star, Maximus, or Pleasureland are all probably massage parlors.
By the same token, any ad with the words: LMT, Therapeutic, or Hair and Nails, is NOT NOT NOT a massage parlor!!!! Having begun my career in a legitimate salon, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys make this embarrassing mistake.
Other key words to look for in the ads are: Table Shower, Body Shampoo, and Stress Relief. Also look at the hours – Massage Parlors will usually have weird, late hours.
Before I proceed, let me make a disclaimer here… I am NOT advocating any illegal activity on your part. I am just providing some general information that you can use at your own risk. I take no responsibility for whatever you guys get into.
Now that THAT’S out of the way… you probably want to know how to identify a place that’s full service or happy ending only. This one is tougher, but I’ll try to share with you what I know. Any ads that say: Now Hiring, Incall, or Outcall are probably Full Service. Please don’t ask why “Now Hiring” is a code word cuz I don’t know! Now with that said, I can’t tell you any code words to identify a Hand Job Only place. You can try the internet for some chat rooms or something to see if anyone knows anything about your local places. In general, the more legitimate a place appears to be, the more likely it’s HJ only. Or they can be a mix. For example, I’ve worked at places where I was the “Go To Girl” for HJ’s and Therapeutic massages (or suspected Narcs). Since I have my license, I would be the 1 girl they could trot out when things had to appear legit. Know what I mean?
Well guys, this should be more than enough info to get you through the door – the rest is up to you. And remember – we work for tips, so please be generous. If you come in with a good attitude and know what to expect, we’ll both have a good time. Relax! It’s all about having fun!
See ya this weekend!
CJ
By the same token, any ad with the words: LMT, Therapeutic, or Hair and Nails, is NOT NOT NOT a massage parlor!!!! Having begun my career in a legitimate salon, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys make this embarrassing mistake.
Other key words to look for in the ads are: Table Shower, Body Shampoo, and Stress Relief. Also look at the hours – Massage Parlors will usually have weird, late hours.
Before I proceed, let me make a disclaimer here… I am NOT advocating any illegal activity on your part. I am just providing some general information that you can use at your own risk. I take no responsibility for whatever you guys get into.
Now that THAT’S out of the way… you probably want to know how to identify a place that’s full service or happy ending only. This one is tougher, but I’ll try to share with you what I know. Any ads that say: Now Hiring, Incall, or Outcall are probably Full Service. Please don’t ask why “Now Hiring” is a code word cuz I don’t know! Now with that said, I can’t tell you any code words to identify a Hand Job Only place. You can try the internet for some chat rooms or something to see if anyone knows anything about your local places. In general, the more legitimate a place appears to be, the more likely it’s HJ only. Or they can be a mix. For example, I’ve worked at places where I was the “Go To Girl” for HJ’s and Therapeutic massages (or suspected Narcs). Since I have my license, I would be the 1 girl they could trot out when things had to appear legit. Know what I mean?
Well guys, this should be more than enough info to get you through the door – the rest is up to you. And remember – we work for tips, so please be generous. If you come in with a good attitude and know what to expect, we’ll both have a good time. Relax! It’s all about having fun!
See ya this weekend!
CJ
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Massage Parlor Code Words and Lingo
Someone commented to me the other day that they like the idea of my new blog, but sometimes don’t understand the terms I use. I kinda forgot that I’m supposed to be teaching you guys this stuff, so I'll go over the basic lingo we use in the business. So here goes:
“The Business” (also referred to as a “Massage parlor” or “Spa”): This is my place of employment where customers come in for a relaxing massage with a little something extra at the end. The Business should not be confused with a “Brothel” which is just sex. Believe it or not, we’re actually expected to provide quality massages here. In fact, most of the girls here are/were licensed massage therapists.
“Happy ending” (also referred to as a “Release,” “Climax” or “Money shot”): These are the code words we use to talk about making a guy cum. I personally prefer the term “Release” and use it when talking to customers. When describing to newbies what I do, I find it sounds more professional to say “...I end the massage with a release,” rather than “… when I’m done I’ll jerk you off.”
There are different types of releases. The most common is the Hand Release, a.k.a. Handjob. 99% of my sessions end with this one. Another type of release is the Breast Release – also referred to by the more crass term “Tittyfucking.” Another is the Butt Release where the guy lubes up your ass cheeks and slides it between them. There are other variations, but you get the picture. I charge extra for anything other than a hand release, so I don’t get many chances to do one.
“Options”: This is the term we use to describe the various ways we provide our massages. For my customers I usually offer these 3 Options: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, 3) Nude. I guess each is self explanatory. There is no real difference to the massage, its just that the guy pays according to the type of view he wants.
“Therapeutic”: You could call this the “4th” option. This is a session where the man (or woman) wants nothing more than a legitimate therapeutic massage. NO HAPPY ENDING. In fact, for most of these customers, they are not even aware of our Options! You can imagine why this is our least favorite of the options since we make almost no money off these. Why do we do them you ask? Remember – WE ARE A MASSAGE BUSINESS. And sometimes you have to do what you have to do to keep up the appearance of being legitimate. A lot of these customers are locals who just have no clue, and the one thing you really can't afford to do in this business is make waves with the locals.
“Customer” or “Clients”: I wanted to point out that we have customers like any other business. We do not call them “Johns” or “Tricks” or “Dates” like hookers do.
“Session” or “In Session”: This is when you’re working with a customer. I’ll say “I’m in Session…” when I’m busy with a client.
“Full Service”: Sex. This is the difference between your standard massage parlor and a brothel. A woman or business that offers straight sex above and beyond a handjob is referred to as “Full Service.” It doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be offered Full Service in a massage parlor – but that’s between you and your masseuse.
Well, this is the basic lingo to get you around most businesses. If you have any questions about specific terms you’ve heard before, please ask. Happy hunting!
CJ
“The Business” (also referred to as a “Massage parlor” or “Spa”): This is my place of employment where customers come in for a relaxing massage with a little something extra at the end. The Business should not be confused with a “Brothel” which is just sex. Believe it or not, we’re actually expected to provide quality massages here. In fact, most of the girls here are/were licensed massage therapists.
“Happy ending” (also referred to as a “Release,” “Climax” or “Money shot”): These are the code words we use to talk about making a guy cum. I personally prefer the term “Release” and use it when talking to customers. When describing to newbies what I do, I find it sounds more professional to say “...I end the massage with a release,” rather than “… when I’m done I’ll jerk you off.”
There are different types of releases. The most common is the Hand Release, a.k.a. Handjob. 99% of my sessions end with this one. Another type of release is the Breast Release – also referred to by the more crass term “Tittyfucking.” Another is the Butt Release where the guy lubes up your ass cheeks and slides it between them. There are other variations, but you get the picture. I charge extra for anything other than a hand release, so I don’t get many chances to do one.
“Options”: This is the term we use to describe the various ways we provide our massages. For my customers I usually offer these 3 Options: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, 3) Nude. I guess each is self explanatory. There is no real difference to the massage, its just that the guy pays according to the type of view he wants.
“Therapeutic”: You could call this the “4th” option. This is a session where the man (or woman) wants nothing more than a legitimate therapeutic massage. NO HAPPY ENDING. In fact, for most of these customers, they are not even aware of our Options! You can imagine why this is our least favorite of the options since we make almost no money off these. Why do we do them you ask? Remember – WE ARE A MASSAGE BUSINESS. And sometimes you have to do what you have to do to keep up the appearance of being legitimate. A lot of these customers are locals who just have no clue, and the one thing you really can't afford to do in this business is make waves with the locals.
“Customer” or “Clients”: I wanted to point out that we have customers like any other business. We do not call them “Johns” or “Tricks” or “Dates” like hookers do.
“Session” or “In Session”: This is when you’re working with a customer. I’ll say “I’m in Session…” when I’m busy with a client.
“Full Service”: Sex. This is the difference between your standard massage parlor and a brothel. A woman or business that offers straight sex above and beyond a handjob is referred to as “Full Service.” It doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be offered Full Service in a massage parlor – but that’s between you and your masseuse.
Well, this is the basic lingo to get you around most businesses. If you have any questions about specific terms you’ve heard before, please ask. Happy hunting!
CJ
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