Sugar Daddy Pete

Today was my first session with “Pete” – an incredibly generous man who first visited me a couple months ago. He called and made an appointment yesterday, which for some reason just made me really nervous and excited – in much the same way as a first date. I know that sounds stupid since he’s just a customer, but for some reason I feel like I need to go out of my way to be nice or impress him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always nice to customers (well – almost always except when they’re jerks, or I’m PMS’ing). Maybe it’s just people who flash too much cash around. Or perhaps it’s because I’m newly single and attention from any guy is now much more appreciated. I don’t know.

Am I babbling?

I think I just don’t know where to start. OK, let’s try it from the beginning. He came in this afternoon. I barely remembered what he looked like – it’s been 2 months. He’s in his 50’s, thin build but some definition, like he still works with his hands. Balding, but he keeps what’s left cut really short. Dark skin from being outside too much. At first glance you’d guess he was just a regular Working Joe, but if you look closely you’ll notice the Nautica shirt and Polo jeans.

Funny thing about expensive clothes nowadays – you spend a lot of money to look like you didn’t. Just look at any Abercrombie and Fitch window. Everything looks torn and faded - and I have a $90 pair of jeans to prove it! Anyways, I’ve learned throughout the years that you can learn a lot about a guy by looking at the labels of his clothes as they’re lying in a heap in the corner of my room during a session.

I tried to hide my nervousness by just doing my regular chit-chat I use on all new customers about the weather and gas prices. He seemed normal enough, but maybe a little on the quiet side. Or maybe I just wouldn’t let him get a word in. Gawd – I felt like I was in high school.

But I quieted down and let him talk during session (60 minute, G-string option). Apparently he owns a construction business in New York, but he’s building a vacation house down near the Amish country. They’ve just started work so he hopes to come by on a regular basis. He has a wife and 3 grown kids – all of which seem to be on his nerves at the moment. From what I can gather, they’re all a bunch of spoiled gold-diggers who only appreciate him for his money. He’d love to divorce the wife, but his lawyer has already warned him of how much it will cost. And the kids have already graduated college, but 2 of which still live at home. So he says he feels “stuck” in this sort of self-perpetuating bad dream.

I’ve seen this type before. They’re very generous with their money – but only when it’s not expected. He can hate his family, but lavish attention on a stranger only because they don’t expect anything from him. So I can be cool with this. I decided to just keep quiet and let the rest of the session play out to see what he wanted from me.

I purposely went a little over our time since he was obviously enjoying his erotic counseling session (remember – never watch the clock when giving the VIP treatment). Then when we got to the hand release, I went a little slower than usual so he’d have time to really enjoy it. I even used my “sexy” voice to talk him through it (this is when I lower my voice and talk slower and huskier – as opposed to my “you got 5 minutes then you’re on your own” voice). When he finally came, I didn’t stop but slowed down and just kept massaging his wilting dick with a combination of baby oil and cum.

Meanwhile I just kept purring at him with my deep voice to relax and let me finish cleaning him up. When he was all clean, I didn’t hurry out of the room, but let him sit up and enjoy the full view of The Girls from a sitting position (do I know how to charm a guy or what?). With the session now over, I knew that the single thought floating around his blood-deprived brain was “make your move!” So I took my time getting dressed and started with my pants instead of the bra. He finally managed to hop off the table and say “Thank you so much… here… I have something for you.” He then put a wad of bills on the table next to the candles.

99% of me was already counting the money. But the logical 1% said “Oh thank you!” while stuffing The Girls back in their lacy home. “I don’t know about you, but I need a cigarette.”

Well that seemed to clinch the deal. He smiled and said “I’ll join you... Can I see you when I come back this way?” Well Duh – like you have to ask. So he said I was “Special” and he’d call the Business the next time he passed through.

I said “What do you mean ‘special?’ Like you have to read to me slowly?”

He laughed, then I gave him a hug at the door. He pecked me on the cheek and said goodbye. Overall it really did feel kinda like a first date. Except for the handjob and the $600 tip.

CJ

The Best Memorial Day Weekend

Holiday weekends are hit or miss in the Business. Everyone either has time off to see us, or they’re too busy. The one exception is Thanksgiving. For some reason, that’s usually our biggest weekend of the year. Personally, I think it’s a combination of the weekend travel plus the incentive to spend spend spend for the holiday season.

Now I had been looking forward to a long weekend of nothing to do – especially since I dumped Jackass a couple months ago. Audrey closed the Business for Memorial Day, and I wasn’t scheduled to work anyway. Then my phone rang Sunday morning.

“Hey it’s Audrey. Can you cover for Trina today? Apparently she went to a BBQ yesterday and had some undercooked pork sausage…”

“You know I love working on my weekends, but you know I do choir for the 12 o’clock mass…” is what I should have said if I were a good Catholic girl. Ahhhhh fuck me. “Sure Audrey,” was all I could manage. “I need the money anyways.” Well, that bit was true.

So I trudged my tired butt into work on Sunday and ended up having the best day ever. My first customer was a college kid passing through who claimed “I’ve always been curious about these places, but never had the nerve to try.” They all say that. But I thought his nervousness was cute, so I let him slide when he ended up being $20 short for a topless. Besides, I would have sworn that he was going to be the only customer I’d see all day.

Then around noon, one of Trina’s Regulars came in. This guy Simon is really nice and didn’t realize Trina had called out. Get this – he brought in one of those disposable, instant BBQ grills – the kind you get at the convenience store. Plus hamburgers, hotdogs and a 6 pack of beer!!!! He set up right outside the back door, and we had ended up having a real picnic right there in the parking lot behind the building!

He wasn’t interested in taking a session with me, but I didn’t care since he’s fun to hang out with. Simon stayed there and hung out for the afternoon. So when the next 3 customers came in, he would just grill up more food and have it ready by the time I came back out. It was the coolest thing – I normally don’t have this much fun even when Trina is here.

Well, after he left and I got ready to close up guess who called? It was the potential Sugar Daddy that I had met over a month ago! He wanted to know what my schedule was this week!!!! Wow. In one day I got some nice customers, a great BBQ lunch, made some good $$$, and found a possible new Sugar Daddy. This was one of the best days I’ve had at work in a long time. Let’s hope my luck holds out. Time to buy a lottery ticket.

CJ

Bosses

I got an interesting comment from my last post about the perks a male boss would have in this business. I have to admit that I have worked for a guy who had to be serviced if I wanted to work for him. But let me explain first that I worked for this guy just long enough to make a few bucks before he got tired of hearing me make excuses for not putting out. Fuck him.

I had another male boss who didn’t touch the girls. All he cared about was the “Cha-Ching.” That’s probably the main difference between male and female bosses. Men want you to bring in as much money as you possibly can. Meanwhile, women bosses will try to steal as much money off you as they possibly can. Let me explain.

When a man owns a business, he wants each girl to make as much money as possible because guys usually skim off the top. This means you are always welcome to work extra hours and extra shifts. It also means turning tricks in the room. That’s why I’ve never had much success working for guys because a girl who only does hand releases isn’t going to bring in as much as one of his full-service Ho’s. This is one of the reasons why I’ve never seen a business owned by a man that wasn’t full service.

Now as far as the “perks” go, some bosses will ask for them and some won’t. If a Business is a cash cow, then some girls will put up with it because the money is good. But I will tell you right now that girls will always go towards the easiest money – so if they can earn the same across town WITHOUT having to fuck some asshole, they’ll switch businesses real quick.

What this all means to you (the consumer – LOL) is the sleazier the owner, the sleazier the business. This is because any girl with even a tiny bit of self esteem won’t work for them. I know it’s kinda odd to talk about “self esteem” in an industry built around the hand job, but even with all the perversion around – work is still work, and a job is still a job. If you hate your boss now, imagine if you also had to drop to your knees and suck his dick whenever he wanted! I may hate my boss Audrey, but at least all she does is steal my customers.

Women bosses are a whole other story. The good thing is a female boss will never ask you into her office for a blow job. The bad thing is that they’re all bitches who will rip you off in a heartbeat. Now a woman boss will usually treat you more fairly by not taking a percentage - but she’ll try to squeeze more out of the door money, and she will always screw you out of a customer every chance she gets.

The other thing about women bosses is that they’re women who are bosses. Imagine all the catiness that women usually have when they work together – now double it. I’ve never had a male boss say anything about my clothing or makeup. Now women I've worked for – whoa! They will constantly ride you about what you wear, what you eat, what you drink, who you date, what you watch, etc. etc. etc.

Ugh – now I’m all worked up. I can’t stand my boss and bitching about her didn’t help. Oh well. Hope this cleared a few things up for you guys. Have a good weekend.

CJ

The Life and Death of “Seductions Spa”

Well, the weekly rag for this weekend is out and it has our “Now Hiring” advertisement. We’ve already started getting phone calls about the job earlier this week. Luckily I have this weekend off so I don’t have to talk to any of those poor women desperate enough to work here. LOL

But that’s not what I wanted to tell you guys about. I also noticed that our most recent competitor – Seductions Spa – no longer has an ad on the back page.

Now let me explain how the advertising works for places like us. We advertise in the weekly rag, which is one of those free “entertainment” papers you find in gas stations and grocery stores. The last few pages are usually reserved for your “adult” entertainment such as strip clubs, adult bookstores, massage parlors – and in large cities – escort services. It’s back here that you’ll find ads for places like The Business. Whenever Audrey runs an ad, she always requests that it’s not in the very back – next to the strip clubs and dirty bookstores. You can usually find us somewhere between the Asian massage places and the ads for making money at home in your spare time. I mentioned in one of my first posts how to recognize the ads for massage parlors – well, we actually try to avoid looking too obvious. This is how we first noticed “Seductions Spa.”

It was about 2 months ago that we saw this ad for a new place. It stuck out like a hard prick since it featured bikini clad women and said something like “Seductions Spa – Cumming Soon!” Now why would you go and make yourself look like a whore house? I remember showing the ad to Audrey and we both had a good laugh. Do you really think cops don’t read these things?

So like we always do when we see a new business in town, we started doing our own form of “industrial espionage.” Ya gotta keep a leg up on the local competition – right? Well, the first thing we do with a new business, is to call up and see what they're paying. So I put on my most innocent voice and try their number. The conversation went something like this…

“Hello, Seductions.” It was a man’s voice. They must be brand spanking new because most first-time customers will hang up if a man answers the phone.

“Yeah hi. My name is Candy and I was wondering if you’re hiring?”

“Oh yeah?” He almost sounded surprised. “I’m Carl. I just opened the place and I’m looking for 8 girls. I got 2 already. Where you from Honey?”

I hate being called “Honey.” I made up a story about being from Philly.

“Oh that’s fine Honey. I’m paying my girls $100 a day plus you get to live in the house. Every customer you get will be $25 to the house. You can charge whatever you like in the room. Everything else is yours.”

Did he say HOUSE? He expects us to live there? This place has brothel written all over it. And he’s going to pay us $100 a day just to be there? This guy obviously has no idea what he’s doing.

I’m taking down notes while he’s talking. “Sounds great Carl! Let me get back to ya.” Carl gives me another phone number to call and an address if I want to see the place. I hung up then went over what I had written with Audrey. We had a good laugh.

I checked out his address and it turns out he’s 20 miles north of the freeway in the middle of nowhere!!! Maybe he’s thinking he won’t draw attention up in the woods, but he’s made 2 mistakes. First, those country cops have nothing better to do than check out "The New People" in places like that. Second, truckers won’t drive an hour out of their way for our type of services. Then there’s how he pays his girls. He obviously has never been in the business before because there is no way in hell he can afford 8 girls to sit on their ass'es at $100 each, unless he’s expecting 50 customers a day.

Now a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the ad for Seductions was still running, so I had one of my Regulars - Eric - call them up and see how they were doing. So after session, I handed my phone over and showed him the ad. Once again, the guy answered the phone and Eric asked about the girls.

“I’ll be honest with you… I ain’t got no one working here yet. I’m still trying to get the place together and it’s hard hiring anyone. I’m new at this.” Apparently our old buddy Carl wasn't doing too well. Eric pressed him for more info.

“Yeah I hear ya. I’m tired of the girls down here and was hoping to try something new. That’s why I called when I saw your ad.” Eric’s a great liar. He’s a traveling salesman from New York. You know those little metal pieces on the ends of garden hoses that you use to attach it to things? Well, he sells those. Eric is one of my favorite Regulars and also my personal psychiatrist. I call him a couple times a week and tell him all my problems while he gives me advice. In return I let him cum on various parts of my body during his Happy Ending. That’s his kink. I’ve jerked him off onto my breasts, ass, face, and even feet. The one thing I won’t let him have is my hair. A girls gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

So anyways – back to Carl. It turns out he used to date someone working in a massage parlor and thought he could run a place by himself with no experience. But now he was at the end of his wits (and money) and ready to give up (damn – Eric’s a good spy). That brings me back to today. The ad for Seductions is gone. This time I had Audrey call, and no one picked up. Oh well. Wherever you are Carl – good luck and adios!

One more thing Carl - leave the erotic massage to us ladies.

CJ

A Good Hand is Hard to Find

One of you guys asked why we don’t just post want ads up at the local strip clubs. Well, the short answer is no. The long answer is hell no.

But the REALLY long answer is this. Contrary to popular belief, erotic massage is more related to massage therapy than it is to stripping. To demonstrate this, I’m going to break down a typical 45 minute session into its 3 essential components.

Part 1 – Getting Naked
Part 2 – Massaging
Part 3 – Happy Ending

Part 1 is the only thing that the 2 worlds of erotic massage and stripping have in common. That part requires no skill and takes up only 1 minute of the session. A stripper may try to stretch this out to 5 minutes at the most, but any longer and the customer will complain about how he’s getting gypped out of a massage.

Part 3 requires almost no experience, and even then it can easily be satisfied with On-The-Job training. This part usually takes about 5 minutes, and even a stripper won’t try to stretch this out any further than necessary.

So that still leaves about 35 minutes for part 2 - the massage. Now anyone experienced in therapeutic massage can easily spend 35 minutes delivering a half-way decent workout to all major portions of the body including the neck, upper and lower back, legs, arms and upper chest. Meanwhile, someone with no experience can manage only 15 minutes of the typical “girlfriend” quality, neck/upper back massage before she runs out of material and energy. This is the main reason why we try not to hire strippers (or anyone with no experience for that matter).

At my last business I worked with a bunch of different strippers, and the customers always said the same thing about them – “Great to look at – lousy massage.” Another problem with strippers is that they’re not very reliable workers. Stripping tends to pay better than massaging, so we were usually the 2nd job. This meant they were always missing shifts if there were any conflicts.

So there you have it - this is why strippers make lousy erotic masseuses. If you still want to get a handjob from a stripper, I would suggest going to the Champagne room or whatever you call it at your local strip club.

If there are any current or ex-strippers reading this mess, please feel free to add your comments. No offense to any of you – this is just my experience.

CJ

Let the Pageant of Freaks Begin…

The parade started early this week. Audrey has interviewed 3 people so far. I insist on being there whenever she has someone come in since she’s such a retard when it comes to hiring. She has this habit of picking these basket cases with a sob story because she’s a sucker. She also knows that if they don’t work out, she’ll just stick them on our shifts. What a bitch.

This is why I take such an interest. Think I wanna spend 40 hours of my week with some coked up skank who’s trying to get her hands in my purse? No way.

So anyway, last Saturday Audrey brought in someone who called last week about a job. Our want ad hadn’t appeared by then, so I assume she’s just a random caller looking for work. We get like 1 or 2 calls a week. What I don’t like about them is that they’re usually just people passing through town, looking to make some quick cash. More than once I’ve had my purse emptied by some girl who’d been working for a week before she vanishes from the face of the planet.

Well the first interviewee was a real winner. A pretty girl with scraggly brown hair. She was really skinny, so in her yellow jogging suit she reminded me of a corn dog. She looked really beat, and when I took a close look at her I could tell she hadn’t even washed her face that morning. Audrey sat her down and started asking her questions. She kept slurring her words and nodding off as if she was in dire need of a cup of coffee. Everything about her screamed “junkie.”

The next girl came in Tuesday. She was a bit chunky, with really short hair – practically shaved. And one of those piercings in her eyebrows.

Let me take a break here and explain what we’re looking for. In general, massage parlors are not known for their cleanliness. At The Business, we try to look as professional as we can to make the place look legitimate, but most importantly to put our clients at ease. Customers want above all else a girl who looks clean. Anything that reminds a guy of drugs or disease – total turnoff. Things like: piercings, tattoos, bags under the eyes, scars, needle tracks, etc.

Back to Girl #2. She said she just came from a place in New York City and was moving to our neck of the woods with her boyfriend. We always check references, so we asked her the name of her previous Business. This is when she got weird. Said her last job just changed names – couldn’t remember the phone number – not sure of the address… blah blah blah.

Worked there for over a year and you can’t remember the phone number? Are you kidding me! What number did you call after you got wasted and missed 3 shifts?

Audrey was being wishy-washy about this girls lack of answers, so I just said told her we’d call 411 for the number. This is when the girl blurted “I changed my mind” and left. Adios bitch.

The last girl to come in was a fat crack-ho with a local address. As Audrey talked to her, I noticed that she kept tossing her hair and rubbing her legs. I knew something was up so I asked her what’s wrong. She said her legs hurt - another sign of a junkie. She’s either jonesing for prescription drugs or heroine. Your body hurts like that when you’re coming down off those things.

So those are this weeks winners. Ya see now why I hate interviewing? All you guys out there – feel free to forward your girlfriends/wives/sisters/moms resumes to me.

CJ

CJ is Single!

That’s right folks – I’m back on the market. I finally dumped the Jackass yesterday after a pretty horrible week of fighting. I don’t want to go into details here but let’s just say that it’s been a long time coming.

Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m lonely or depressed. In fact, I’ve totally been keeping my eyes open for a “rebound” for a couple months now. I’ve been hanging out a lot lately with an old boyfriend from high school. I think he was like the 2nd or 3rd guy I ever dated. Anyway, we never had sex – so he dumped me after a few months for not putting out. For some reason, this kinda stuck with me till this day, so I throw it in his face every chance I get.

To me, he looks like Brad Pitt (if Brad Pitt had thinning hair and always wore sneakers). So if I mention him on this thing, I’ll call him “Brad Pitt.” I’ve been in contact with him on and off since high school, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend 4 months ago we started hanging out more often. Then things really picked up over the last month when I started fighting with Jackass.

Now normally I wouldn’t be wasting all this time boring you guys with seedy details of my personal life. Remember - this blog thing is supposed to be dedicated to my “professional” stories. But the whole Brad Pitt (or BP) thing throws a monkey wrench into my separation of work and home. You see – BP knows what I do for a living.

Kinda.

I think it was after a night of 12 beers and jaeger shots that I might have said something about where I work. And him being a local and all – he said something like… “You mean that ‘Rub Club’ by the highway?” (GAWD – I hate the term Rub club!)

I vaguely remember trying to explain to him through carefully selected slurred words that it’s not what he thinks and I don’t care what he’s heard. I know for a fact that he’s never been to the Business (or not our Business anyway). So I think I was able to convince him that I do massages while in a bikini. It was the best I could come up with under the circumstances!

I’m pretty sure it worked. He actually came to the Business since then to take me out to lunch. And since our foyer looks like a regular spa (especially to men who don’t go to spas), he didn’t look twice or ask any questions. So there goes my cover story of being a shampooer.

Trina asked me what I’d do if he ever decided he wanted to surprise me as a customer. I said I didn’t want to think about it since I would probably be tempted to break every rule I have regarding customers! LOL Then she asked me what I’d do if he ever came in as one of HER customers. “Well I’d just have to castrate him” I said half-jokingly.

Is that hypocritical of me? Did I even spell that word right?

I hate the idea of going through the whole dating crap all over again. I wish there were some sort of female-equivalent to massage parlors where I could just walk in – get off with some hot guy – then walk out and not worry about diseases or whether his mom will like me. I swear – if we had those, there’d be no more need for marriage!

And don't worry guys - I'll try to stay away from my personal drama and come up with some interesting work stories for next time.

CJ

It isn't fair!

How come when they say it, it's called "advertising." But if we say it, it's called "solicitation?"

CJ

Now Hiring

I hate interviewing.

Luna’s been gone almost 2 weeks now and we still haven’t found anyone to replace her. The awful thing about hiring for a job that’s just below the law is that you can’t put up an ad that says:

HELP WANTED: Female masseuse. Clothing optional environment. Available nights and weekends. Must be people-person. Strong right arm a plus.

We prefer to rely on word of mouth nowadays. It’s just so much less complicated than interviewing dozens of strangers. In this business you get a lot of turnover anyways, so It’s not like we panic when someone leaves suddenly. What we usually do is make calls to all our “go-to” girls. These are girls that we’ve all worked with before and feel comfortable with. Chances are, there’s someone we know out there that just recently left another business or is willing to pick up a couple extra shifts here.

Notice how I didn’t say “friends?” That’s because we’d much rather work with someone reliable who annoys us, than a friend who has no clue what she’s doing and could possibly ruin things for everyone. For example… I once made the mistake of recommending a friend who was jealous of the good money I was making - and a complete moron. Turns out, as soon as she got in the room she completely forgot our rehearsed script for offering “options” (topless, nude, etc.). Instead, she was just bluntly telling customers she’d jerk them off for $$$ !!! Thank God she never had a cop!!!!!!

Some of you may be wondering why we're in such a hurry to bring in a new girl, especially since business has been slow and some of Luna's old clients are up for grabs. Well, it's pretty much the same reason why no one else likes being short a person. It's bad enough doing this shit for 5 days a week - imagine having to do it for 7... AND those 2 extra days are with your boss who you can't stand!!! THAT is why I welcome anyone nuts enough to work here.

Anyway, Trina, Audrey and I have been calling around for over a week now without much luck, so we finally put an ad in the local weekly rag. It’s subtle. It’s just our regular ad for a “relaxing massage” with an extra “Now Hiring” added at the end. Anyone remotely familiar with the massage industry will know what we’re expecting.

Now the problem isn’t in lack of applicants - The problem is the total avalanche of applicants. And I’m not talking about a room full of clean cut college graduates in dapper little business suits carrying leather brief cases. I’m taking about a total freak show straight out of the Trailer Park from Hell. We can expect to see: burnouts, punk rockers, trailer trash, goth chicks, drunks, hippie chicks, ex-hookers, current hookers, runaways, homeless chicks, Narcs, ex-strippers…and druggies.

Lots of druggies.

Any job that pays in cash always attracts the druggies. Now don’t get me wrong – I’ll be the first person to admit that I’ve inhaled a couple of times in my life. But I’m talking about the hardcore snorters and shooters. I’ve worked with more than a few in this business, and I can’t stand them. They smell, they steal, and they lie. I know drug addiction is a terrible thing. You don’t have to remind me since I’ve seen it personally – but that doesn’t mean I have to like working with them.

Massage businesses never drug test since that would be like looking for a Chin in Chinatown. So believe it or not, we rely a lot on references. Any girl comes in claiming she worked at another business – we call and verify. Even though we're competitors, Other Businesses have a vested interest in flushing out the thiefs and Narcs.

So let the Parade of Freaks begin! And if any of you guys know any girls who are attractive, honest, intelligent, interesting and clean who are willing to jerk guys off for cash - drop me a line. Tell them it's a good way to meet people and the hours are good.

CJ

Freak of the Week - Tony and Tina

This has been another freaky week for me. Between Luna getting canned and men problems, I don’t know what to make of it. Luckily today was freaky in a good way. So let’s get to the latest installment of… Freak of the Week!

I got a visit from one of my all time favorite customers. This is a guy who’s been coming here for years. And let me start off by saying he’s one of the sweetest, nicest clients I’ve ever had. He used to come in every couple of months, but I haven’t seen him in a while.

Anyway, “Tony” as I call him, always comes in looking the same – a short, clean-cut middle aged guy in standard business shirt, tie and slacks. I guess you’d say he looks like an insurance salesman, which is funny because he is an insurance salesman! LOL

I practically jumped out of my seat when I saw him today. I gave him a big hug and we exchanged some quick gossip before I led him into my session room. His routine is pretty much ritual after all these years, so I don’t even need to ask him what he wants. I tell him to get comfortable, then I leave the room. As I’m leaving, I check my watch and note that I don’t need to return for 20 minutes. So I take my time booking him in and just sort of dawdle around till it’s OK for me to return.

Exactly 20 minutes later, I knock on the door and he tells me to enter. I walk in and Tony is gone. Standing before me is “Tina.” Tina is a flawlessly made up woman – complete with makeup, black high heels, thigh-high stockings, garter, short red skirt, conservative white blouse, black bra and panties, and a long expensive wig of dark brown hair.

“Hi Tina!” I said. “I’ve missed you!”

Tina smiles back, “I missed you too! It’s been so long.”

“The usual?” I ask.

“Oh, of course,” she answers. Tina’s voice is slightly higher in pitch than Tony’s. Now let me explain here that Tony is not gay. And I think his wife would agree! He’s definitely only attracted to women, but his thing is that he really gets off when he’s dressed like a woman. I think they call that a transvestite – correct me if I’m wrong. Anyway, he says that he feels “soft” when he’s all dolled up and that he feels like he can better relate to women that way.

Tina’s sessions are unique (to say the least). He always gets the mutual massage, so I tell him to lie down on his back and relax (I’m just going to call Tina “him” from now on since it gets confusing switching back and forth). I take my Gap T-shirt off, then my jeans, but I leave my Victoria’s Secret G-string and bra on. With him on his back, I start running my hands up and down his arms.

“You look so pretty today Tina. I love your new blouse.”

“Thanks CJ. I got it on sale at Macys.”

One of the things I have to do is tell Tina all during the session how pretty he is. That really turns him on. Now I have to tell him that he’s “pretty” and not “hot.” He prefers to keep the talk very sweet and sincere. I guess you could say Tina is a lady and not a tramp. LOL

I always start off each session by slowly taking his blouse off while I’m laying on the flattery. When I’ve unbuttoned it completely, he sits up and helps me remove it. Then I start to gently massage his “tits” through the black bra (it’s always black). The bra isn’t padded or anything, so he actually gets a decent massage of his pectorals. I should note too, that he doesn’t touch me during this. He just lies there and softly moans every now and then.

Next the high heels, stockings and skirt come off and he flips over onto his stomach. I work his back and legs in more or less a therapeutic kind of way, but I’m still complimenting him on his looks the entire time. When I finish the legs, I tell him it’s my turn and we switch places.

I take off my bra, but leave the G-string on. He likes to start off with a quick, but thorough massage of my back and legs, but I know he can’t wait for me to flip over. His massages are always very gentle and sensual – especially when it comes to my breasts. He’ll sometimes spend a good portion of his session just on them!

So I roll over on to my back, and he climbs up on the table and straddles my hips while he’s still in panties and bra. He puts some warm oil on his hands and starts to slowly massage my tits, running his hands in large, gentle circles around each of them. I have to confess that I love this part. This is one of the few decent perks of my job – the occasional, fabulous, relaxing breast massage. Most guys just want to squeeze them and pinch the nipples (Gawd I hate that). Anyway, for what felt like an eternity (yet still too short in my opinion), he caressed me very gently – first one way; then the other. I'm loving it – I just have to lie there and throw in the occasional “… you’re soooo pretty…” every now and then.

I’m not even looking at the clock at this point. I don’t have to – he ends my massage by cupping each one of my breasts with his warm oily hands and says with a smile “I think we’re almost done.” This is my cue that it’s time for his happy ending. We always finish with a breast release, and it’s done in a very specific way. I stay on my back and he moves up and straddles my stomach. With the panties still on, he pulls out his already hard cock through the sides of the panties (it’s usually hard and poking out during the breast massage anyway). He adds more hot oil to his hands and lubes himself up, then he places his dick right between my already oily tits.

Let me explain now that in all the years he’s been coming to me, I have never touched his cock. Not once. It’s part of his kink I guess. Tony once told me that he has a group of friends that share his fetish. Every once in a while, they’ll all get together at one of their houses and hire a stripper. They’ll dress up in their finest women’s clothing and sit around in a circle with the stripper in the middle. Then they’ll watch her dance while jerking themselves off.

So Tony’s cock is now resting between my oiled up breasts. I make it a point to keep my hands dry for a breast release since it provides me with more control over The Girls. I can now hold them up and push them slightly together to gently wrap his cock. Tony starts to slowly pump in and out of my oily cleavage. With my hands dry, I can control the tightness that I’m wrapped around him. His cock is big enough to stay in there and not slip out. When my hands get all oily, the best I can manage is to just push The Girls together, let the guy do all the work, and hope for the best.

“How pretty am I?” Tony manages between moans. His eyes are closed and I can tell he’s getting close.

“You’re the prettiest girl Tina… I love how pretty you are…”

He always gives out this little grunt before he cums, so I have enough time to sit up slightly and release his cock from the warm folds of my cleavage. He grabs his cock with one hand and jerks himself off onto my left breast. I let him catch his breath and enjoy the view of his little mess before I ask if I can clean myself up (guys just love to marvel over anything they cum on, so I try to indulge them). He gives me a throaty “Thank you!” before un-straddling me. I wipe myself up with the table sheet, then hop down.

Since I don’t have to clean him up too, I just wipe up with a soapy towel. He won’t change his clothes in front of me, so I quickly throw mine back on and tell him to take his time. Then I make my way outside and leave him alone in the room. About 15 minutes (and 1 cigarette) later, “Tony” walks out of the room – a short, well dressed insurance salesman with a gray shirt and red tie. “Tina” is now carefully packed away inside a small leather brief case. I give him another hug and tell him not to be a stranger. He says “Thanks again!” and leaves. It’s a shame Tina can’t come out and play more often. Oh well.

CJ

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CJ

Good Riddance Luna

Hey guys – it’s been another weird week. I was gonna talk about an extra special Freak of the Week, but the big news instead is that Luna got fired. It was just a matter of time. We’ve all suspected her of stealing from each of us plus the business, but Audrey actually caught her stealing from the cashbox last week. I don’t feel too bad about seeing her go since I also had money missing from my purse recently.

Still, it’s a shame since I’ve been working with her for half a year now and she was struggling to pay her bills just like the rest of us. But stealing from your co-workers is really not cool.

The good news is that business in general is finally starting to pick up. I can’t explain why, but we’ve been getting a lot of new customers lately. That’s fine by me since it gives me a chance to gain a new Regular. Plus, new customers tend to be more free with their money since they don’t know what to expect yet.

Now one of the interesting things about Luna being gone is that we’re starting to realize just how many Regulars she had. Boy – she was a lot more popular than we thought! I wouldn’t be surprised if she was letting guys do stuff to her in the room (I mean – she is an ex-hooker you know). Times have been tough, and you gotta do what you gotta do. Heck – even Trina has started letting guys finger her for $100. Ewwwwwww.

Apparently, Trina has started offering the option to finger her to new customers. The way she explained it to me was that new customers were safer than Regulars, because chances are you’re never going to see them again; whereas Regulars can’t be trusted with a secret, and it’ll get back to Audrey pretty quick. I can see where she’s coming from because I’ve gotten some of my best dirt from Audrey’s Regulars. But I warned Trina that if a new customer comes back, there’s a good chance he’ll mention the fingering option to the next girl he gets. Oh well.

Yours truly has not yet resorted to letting guys finger me. I’ve had to tighten my belt too, but lately I’ve been letting my ex-boyfriend from Jr. High School spend money on me! But that’s another story for later…

Audrey is also starting to feel the impact of Luna. Just this past week, she’s been getting these guys who come in and ask for Luna. Then as Audrey explains that Luna’s no longer with us, but she’s available – they just turn around and walk out! Now she knows how we all feel when her skanky Regulars come in looking for Full-Service. Sucks, doesn’t it bitch?

Now in memory of Luna, I will leave you all with one of my favorite Luna stories…

Luna was a big fan of the (as I like to call it) Slutty MILF look. Just imagine a bleach blonde girl with the big hair and heavy eye makeup of the 80’s – now age her 30 years. That’s Luna. We all agreed that the giant hairdo of hers wasn’t doing her any favors. So anyways – one day she wraps up a session with one of her Regulars and comes out of the room. She goes back and washes her hands in the kitchen sink, then walks into the break room. Let me point out that the session rooms are always kept dark, but it’s nice and bright where we are. Well, she starts talking about something or other, when we notice something shining on the top of her tall hairdo. Trina kicks my foot and motions for me to look at her hair.

On top of that fluffy, hairsprayed, blonde mess, there was a gob of semen – about an inch long – hanging from her topmost strands of hair. And it’s just waving and flapping and jiggling with every jerk of her head! And the best part is she can’t see it because her hair was soooooo tall, that it was completely out of her line of sight. So we’re just sitting there staring at her hair. I’m sure she was saying something important, but we were both completely mesmerized by that shining string of jizz. Even now, I’m shocked that she didn’t notice the dumb stares on our faces.

Well, being the loving, caring people that we are, Trina and I didn’t say a word and just nodded and agreed with whatever she was saying. I don’t remember if she had any more customers that day, but we kept our mouths shut and didn’t have a real good laugh until after she went home. For all I know, she could have gone out grocery shopping with that little token of love dangling for all to see.

I know I’m going to Hell for that one, but it was sooooooo worth it.

CJ

Stalker Stevie - Follow Up

OK – I got a bunch of responses on this, so I thought this topic deserved another post of its own. It’s been about a week since I got the original scary text message. Nothing since then. So let me tell you what’s been going on.

I talked to a bunch of people about what I should do. Audrey wants absolutely nothing to do with the police, so she’s against a restraining order or even a police report. I know it seems selfish, but I can see where she’s coming from. But, I know she can’t relate since she’s never had a stalker (knowing her - she’s probably jealous that I have one). I have to admit that I’m reluctant to go to the police, but for different reasons. The last thing I want is for Stalker Stevie (or anyone else in the legal system) to know my last name. It’s bad enough that he knows my phone number.

The next option was to block his calls. However, Stevie has long since stopped using his own cell phone. Creepy phone calls have all been from 1-800 numbers, and sicko text messages have been from a computer.

My current option is to just ignore them. At least his messages have been less and less frequent. I figure if I ignore him long enough, he’ll just assume I changed my number. I should call the Other Business and see if they’ve seen him lately. Yeah – he’s been going over there ever since he got banned by us over a year ago. I wonder if his calls/texts to me just happen to coincide with his visits there? Hmmmmmmmmm… I must investigate.

Now my final option is revenge, pure and simple. I know he lives with his parents, and I’ve fantasized about going over there when he’s not home and telling his parents all about their loser, drug addicted son who picks on poor innocent girls like me. Another option is a guy I know called “Cage.” That’s Trina’s psycho ex-boyfriend. This guy was like totally mental, but he had a sweet spot for me. He was never mean to Trina, but anyone else who got in his way – watch out. The only reason they broke up in the first place was because Cage went to jail. But he’s back out now and I see him around. Maybe I’ll give him a call this weekend… LOL

So does it sound like I’m taking this lightly? Yes and no. That last message freaked me out at first, but then again, this has been happening on and off for almost 2 years now. Plus, Stevie isn’t known for anything violent (yet). The girls at the Other Business said he’s been relatively normal over there.

But it does affect me to the point that I won’t take shit from anyone. For example…

Just this past week, we had this guy come in while I was working the front desk. A mousey looking guy with a big old mole on the side of his left cheek. Anyways, he comes in and asks what our prices are. I explain our prices/times and that “tipping is optional.”

“So what do I get for tipping?” Either he’s stupid or a cop. Or maybe a combo of the two.

I played dumb. “If you’re happy with the service, then tips are welcome.”

“Yes, but what do I GET for tipping?” he tries again, but this time with a serious look on his face.

Does he really think I’m going to explain our options at the front desk? Is he soooooo cheap that he wants to know up front what his generous $20 bill is going to get him? I’ve had a bad week. I’ve been hassled by a psycho stalker. Business has been lousy. But I am NOT going to let this asshole get me to solicit myself like some cheap hooker!

“You’ll get my undying gratitude sir” I say with a smirk.

Bingo – now he looks irritated. “Look, how much extra do I have to pay inside the room?” he says with a little strain in his voice.

I grin like an idiot at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about sir.”

“Is there anyone else here?”

“No sir.” Grin. Grin.

That seemed to do it for him. He made a sort of sucking sound through his teeth, turned around and walked out. I started laughing out loud as I made my way to the back to tell Trina what just happened. She got a kick out of it.

But here’s the real funny part of the story... The very next day, the same guy came back in while Trina was working. He asked “Is the blonde girl working here today?”

People are strange.

CJ

Stalker Stevie

This has been the worst week ever. Business is bad. I found out that Jackass (my soon to be ex-boyfriend) has been calling his ex-girlfriend. I got a parking ticket. My boyfriend from JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL has come out of nowhere. I think Luna stole from me. I've been drinking way too much. I caught Audrey stealing another customer from me. And to make matters worse, Stalker Stevie is back. And they say bad things happen in 3's.

Stalker Stevie was just Regular Stevie for a while. He was just a normal customer who used to come in on his payday about once a month. Nothing special, just took the topless option most of the time, never asked for anything inappropriate. Conversation was normally about his work as an electrician.

Then one day I left my cell phone in the room.

During session, something came up and I had to leave the room for a few minutes. Apparently, Stevie saw my phone, called himself, then somehow erased it from the call log (or maybe I just didn't notice). Anyway, about a week later I get this phone call. Now I've given my cell number to customers before, but it's usually WAY after I've felt comfortable around them. All these years in the business have really hardened me to trusting people, and you can see why.

So he calls up... "How ya doin'? It's Steve! It's so nice to talk to you outside of work. We should get together... blah blah blah..." At first I was confused since I didn't think I had ever given him my number. I asked him, and he said he got it from one of my co-workers from the old days. Sounded credible enough since I worked with some really stupid girls back then. I tried not to get mad at him since he was a regular, and he seemed normal enough.

The first call was OK I guess. Then they just started to get weird...

Did I mention that I live with my parents?
Yeah, I got a coke problem
Whatcha doin' after work tonight?
I owe this guy money and I swear he's been following me

Then he started with the text messages...

y wont u call me?
I luv u
ur a bitch
i saw u 2day @ ur house
is that ur boyfriend?

Needless to say, he stopped coming by the business about the same time the calls got weird.  And I started noticing his work truck more and more. It would be parked across the street, it would cruise by my house, etc. I can honestly say I never encouraged the guy. Two Christmases ago during one of his last visits, he gave me some cheap ass jewelry. I didn't even thank him since he was getting weird in session too. Ugh.

Finally about 6 months after the calls started, I actually picked up the phone and started yelling at him to leave me alone. He said he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again. Why can't we be friends? Can I see you to apologize? Blah Blah Blah... I got rid of him on the phone and the calls stopped for a couple months.

Then the hang ups started. You know how you can tell it's a certain person just by the circumstances? Well, I was positive it was him. Then the text messages started again, and usually at weird hours of the night...

dont u dare send over ur bitches 2 get me. i will fuk them up.
u thought I didnt see u but i know u ben following me.
i will tell ur boyfriend everything and call police on u.

I think he only sends these messages when he's high. Well, that last one about telling my boyfriend and the police shook me up at the time, so I called up a friend of mine who's a cop. He called this guy up from the police station and gave him a line about how a complaint has been filed and we're monitoring your calls, etc. A bunch of stuff just to scare Stevie off.

That seemed to have worked for about 6 months or so, but now I got another sicko message this week.

i c u got a new car.

THAT really scared the crap out of me. I haven't seen his truck in almost a year! I told Audrey about the message, but she said she hasn't seen the truck either. Now I don't know what to do. Should I ignore it? Should I call my cop buddy again? Should I call and yell at him again? Audrey suggested I change my number, but I've had this number for a while now and I don't really want to give it up.

If any of you guys out there know how I can just block his text messages, let me know.

CJ

Q&A 2

Hey guys!

Time to answer some of your questions out here in the blog since I've gotten some good ones recently. Keep 'em coming... This is sometimes easier than trying to remember a weird customer.

Is someone with your technique and performance the norm or the exception?

A girl with my background (licensed massage therapist) isn't unusual for the "massage parlor" setting - an established, low key, NON full-service business. Heck - 2 of my co-workers are licensed. But we're hardly the rule. I have to say that this work also attracts lots of druggies, ex-hookers, and other girls looking for quick money. Their massages will be the kind a girlfriend would give you - not therapeutic but pleasant enough. As for their options - I can't speak for anyone else. Some girls won't let you touch their asses, while others might include a breast release at no extra cost. And lastly - independent contractors that I've known (the kind that work out of their own home or office) have tended to be real masseuses. If you a want a guaranteed quality experience - that's probably the safest bet.

Now if you want something exotic - try 1 of the Asian places. I heard that if you go there for a "therapeutic" you'll get one of those real shiatsu massages. I'm talking about the hard massage followed by the soft tissue, with back slapping, hot stones and even the walking-on-the-back thing! The secret is that they keep a real pro on staff for the "newbies" and therapeutics. And another note about the Asian places you should know - sometimes they don't offer options up front. Instead, they may do the whole table shower, sauna, massage thing first. Then during the last 15 minutes of your appointment, they'll offer options. But unlike us, their options or HJ, BJ and fucking; while ours are topless, G-string and nude.

You wanna know where you won't find ANY real masseuses?... At sleazy full-service places - which are typically run by druggies and real hookers! LOL. But this doesn't mean you won't get a massage... on the contrary. Even though you've paid for sex, these girls will try to burn up your time with a cheesy little backrub so the actual sex part is as short as possible.

Now don't be scared about visiting a real massage parlor after these little stories I've just told. One of the reasons I want to share this info and answer questions is because I want people other than customers to know what we're all about. Besides - at the very least you'll get a happy ending! If you're apprehensive, just look for a place that appears relatively clean - that says a lot about the attitude of their girls and how they run their business. But if you do decide to visit a place and the girls look nasty and the place is dirty - just leave. The point of all this nonsense is to spend an hour getting pampered, so if you feel uncomfortable it's the wrong place for you.

Have you ever made house calls? Is that abnormal for this business?

There are services that will do house calls, but 9 times out of 10, they are escort agencies (especially if they advertise something called "outcall" service). Don't expect a massage. At The Business, Audrey has a "No House Calls" rule since it smacks too much of escort service. But privately, I have done house calls for my Sugar Daddies only since I can trust them to keep it a secret and they know I'm not full service. I will not do house calls with Regulars since they almost always expect full service outside the business. This is because a lot of girls switch to full service during house calls - less trouble for the business and more $$ in their pocket.

Hope that keeps you happy for now! And keep asking those questions!

CJ

Mixing Business and Pleasure

Someone asked the question on whether this job impacts my personal sex life and vice versa. Well, I started thinking about the answer to this question a couple days ago and realized it’s tough to answer when you haven’t gotten it in over 2 weeks.

Yes – the Jackass and I are fighting again. And this time, I swear, it’s not even my fault. Tom was always a prick I guess. Very inattentive, but nice to look at. I don’t know what it is – I just seem to be drawn to that type. They say that nice guys finish last, and in my case that’s true. Give me a bad boy who treats me like shit and I’m in love.

So if I skip back in time to before the Jackass, I kinda recall having a sex life. So I’ll start from there…

I think I can honestly say that most of the things I’ve learned off the clock, I use on the clock. And only a few things I’ve learned on the clock, I use off the clock. Make any sense?

For example, the only thing I’ve learned after 10 years of erotic massage that I use with boyfriends is knowing when they’re about to cum. I can read a guy like a book to see how he’s doing. But that’s about it. I’m not full service so the only real technique I practice on a regular basis is the hand release. And in those cases where I’m NOT using MY hand (i.e. breast release, butt release, foot fetish, etc.), the customer is pretty much doing all the work for me. So as you can see – not a whole lot to learn on the job.

As for my coveted, money-making hand release - I only rely on it in my personal life when I'm feeling lazy, or when I'm trying to avoid oral. I'm not a big fan of the BJ, so I'll try to worm my way out of it with a healthy HJ every now and then. Someone asked me if I get tired of dicks since I work with them all day (pun intended). Let me put it to you this way - I love getting laid, and I certainly ain't getting laid at work!

Come to think of it - I ain't getting laid at home either. LOL

The masseuse in me gets to practice her craft every now and then. Believe it or not – boyfriends rarely bug me for massages, and I don’t offer them too freely (most guys think I'm just a shampooer). The jackass was an exception (notice how I use the past tense?). He works out with weights, so oftentimes I’d give him a sports massage (I did go to massage school and get my license – remember?). Off the clock, I actually give more massages away to friends and co-workers. When things are slow at work, we’ll occasionally do a therapeutic for each other.

Now on the job, I use techniques I’ve learned from my personal life. For example, I knew how to give a wicked hand job way before I started working in the business. I started my sinful ways with my first boyfriend back in high school. I learned how to give him hand jobs before we started having sex, so my patented double-handed crisscross technique was mastered well before it was considered a job skill. I guess another thing I bring to work is the dirty talk. It was my 2nd or 3rd boyfriend who got me into that. And the titty-fucking you ask? I had already done that a couple times before I ever got paid to do one.

However, just because I don’t use work skills in my personal life, doesn’t mean that I haven’t learned a thing or two. Funny thing about erotic massage – since we don’t offer sex, we tend to attract the fetish people. At a full service place, you’re paying for the sex – but if your kink doesn’t involve actual sex (i.e. cross dressing, ball busting, breast worship, etc.) then a massage parlor seems the better (and cheaper) alternative.

Now if I were to ever date a guy who was curious about foot worship… he’d probably wonder how I knew the proper way to wrap a pair of thigh-highs around his prick. But in the near future, I really don’t expect to be bringing any of my work home with me.

CJ

Happy Endings - Or The Art of Closing the Deal

Hey guys!

I've been getting some interesting comments on the subject of Limp Dick in young guys. It looks like most of you believe it’s between meds/drugs and performance anxiety. Thank God none of you thought it was my fault!

Honestly, I couldn’t say one way or another what the reasons are. I mean, I’ve dated guys taking all sorts of drugs who had no problems whatsoever of getting it up. I’ve also dated guys with NO history of drug use who had arousal problems. Go figure. Heck, I once had a boyfriend who was model-hot. He could fuck all night, but had 1 problem – he couldn’t cum. He could get hard, but no orgasm. Talk about being cursed…

I have no proof if any of my customers are using drugs or stimulants or whatever, so I’m reluctant to point my finger. Know what I mean? Now performance anxiety?!?! There’s no performance to be anxious about! Remember, I’m being paid to do all the work here, and shooting a load ain’t exactly gonna impress me. So I don’t want to point my finger there either. All I can say for certain is that we’ve all started noticing it with the young guys just over the last year or 2.

Now I know it’s not my technique since I’ve been perfecting the Hand Release for years now. Come to think of it (no pun intended), I can truthfully claim that I have thousands of success stories! (pun fully intended there).

The secret is relaxation. If a customer is uptight or has the wrong attitude, I know we’re gonna have problems. Now if I guy WANTS to cum, he’ll have no problems. I would say that about 7 out of 10 customers look forward to their happy ending, and let me do my job. It’s those last 3 guys who give me trouble, and it’s usually because they want to prolong the end part.

So here for all the world to see, is the typical happy ending, as brought to you by CJ…

I keep an eye on the clock so I can wrap up the massage before the 5 minute mark. At this point, he’s usually on his back and I’m just finishing up his legs. I like to finish with the legs instead of the arms since it kinda builds up the excitement as I work closer and closer towards his crotch (also helps them to cum faster). I usually don’t say anything at this point - I’ll just oil up my hands and immediately apply them to his dick.

The oil is in a warmer, so there’s no shock to the guy. First I’ll work his cock up and down to get it nice and oily. Then I’ll start the gentle tugging to get him hard. The beginning is always the toughest since it’s like working with a wet pasta noodle. Now is when I start my talk…

“Close your eyes… Don’t talk... Relax - just think about these warm hands on you...”

Then I’ll usually keep quiet and see how they’re reacting. By now they’re usually hard and it’s much easier to maintain the up and down motion. I don’t do anything exotic like a twisting motion or anything since most guys can’t tell the difference with all that oil anyway.

Now those 3 guys out of 10 that I told you about – they’re the ones who want to stretch out their time by distracting themselves. Let me tell ya – some guys just will not shup up! They'll talk about stupid shit like the weather, traffic, books, movies, news, etc. Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve got a naked woman with YOUR cock in her hand, and you want to talk about the weather? When these guys start their shit, I quickly shush them up. I may not be able to keep them from thinking about baseball cards, but I can at least get them to shut up. The key here is to get them to focus their attention back on their dicks. And I can tell I’m succeeding when they start to get harder and begin that involuntary twitching thing they do.

At this point, I’ll usually cup their balls with my free hand. It’s important that you space these things out. It’s kinda like driving a manual transmission – You can’t shift up to the next gear until you’ve revved the engine up first. Same thing with the balls – you can’t cup them till the dicks nice and hard. Once it gets a little bit harder (or he starts moaning) you can start rubbing the balls gently.

I’ll check the clock again to see how we’re doing. If things are MOVING ALONG, and the guy has a good attitude, I’ll overlook the 5 minute thing. I can tell if a guy is genuinely trying to work with me and not take advantage, so giving a guy a few extra minutes works a lot better than reminding him he has 1 minute left before he has to resort to masturbation. Now you can always pay for extra time. We charge “$15 for 15 minutes (and Audrey gets the money). But that 15 minutes is gonna go to massage – not the hand release! And you have to ask for it BEFORE I get started on the happy ending - that $15 doesn't reset the jerk-off clock.

Now where were we… ah yes… Balls. So anyways, I’ll start working the balls between my fingers. Some guys may cum at this point. I’d say maybe half or so. If nothing changes in the hardness, breathing, or other signs after a minute, I’ll say “You can touch me if you want…”Just the statement alone is enough to bring out the heavy breather in most guys, and once they start squeezing my ass or cupping my breasts, I can count on them finishing in another minute.

After a minute of touching, if their breathing becomes rhythmic and they haven’t become super-hard yet, I’ll start with what I call the Naughty Talking:

“Come on baby…Cum for me. You like it when I work your cock? You like these hands stroking you? I just love to watch a man cum…”

I call this the Naughty Talking as opposed to the Dirty Talking. With the Dirty Talking, I’ll ask the guy to start picturing his cock in my mouth, or how I’m riding him up and down (always pick an image that works for when he’s on his back with his eyes closed - I learned this technique from Trina). I usually charge an extra $50 for this. That may sound crazy, but when a customer is 90% to orgasm, it’s amazing what they’ll do (or pay) to seal the deal. And don’t start assuming that I’m ripping these guys off – just remember that they’re getting the same high quality customer service everyone else gets – they just need that extra little KINK to get over the top.

To get to this point should take me about 5 minutes or so. If it’s just not happening, I’ll tell the guy sorry, but the time is up. Almost always they knew this was gonna happen, so I don’t feel too bad.

Now let’s summarize:

1st Gear - Baby Oil
2nd Gear - Relax
3rd gear - Jerk
4th gear - Balls
5th gear - Touch/Squeeze
6th gear - Dirty Talk

So there you have it... CJ's 6 steps towards a Happy Ending.

Now don't move... I'll get a towel.

CJ

Limp Dick

Someone made a comment the other day about how he’s jealous of guys like Captain Haircut who can cum without having to touch his own dick. Well let me tell ya, I’ve seen a lot of guys with the exact opposite problem. It sucks for them and it sucks for me since I’m the one who gets stuck having to literally beat their meat till my arm’s ready to fall off. I have a rule – 5 minutes for the happy ending – after that you’re on your own.

I wouldn’t say that Limp Dick is a common problem, but we do see it on a regular basis. Now with the old guys, you can usually blame it on their heart or blood pressure medication. I had 1 Regular on heart meds that could only cum at one exact point in the hand release. I would get his prick all heavily lubed, then I’d beat it like it owed me money. He needed lots of extra lube up front, because when you’re jerking fast and furious on a dick that’s flapping around like a wet noodle, the oil starts flying every which way (including in my hair and eyes!). After about 2 minutes – or right when my hand is about to spontaneously combust – he would go from noodle to sausage for EXACTLY 5 seconds. At this point I would kick it into overdrive by using my right hand to prop up my left arm, because if he didn’t come within those 5 seconds, he was Shit-Outta-Luck. He’d go back to wet noodle, and it was time to head home cause there ain’t nothing more I could do.

When I see it in other customers, I’ll try raising my game by grabbing and squeezing their balls or pulling really hard on the head. If no action is going on downstairs after that, there are 2 things that usually happen at this awkward moment. Some guys will ask you to stop after a few minutes and admit it’s not going to happen. I particularly like these guys who can handle defeat with grace.

Then there are the guys who just get weird.

The most obvious request I get is to go down on them. That one’s so old, I just laugh it off now. But then the requests only go downhill from there:

Punch my balls

Flick it with your fingers

Hold it in one hand and slap it with the other

Pinch it with your nails

Smack it against the table
Step on it (I get this one way more often than you’d imagine)

Stand on the table and try to pick me up with it

Slam it in the door (yeah – the guys in the lobby would just love to see that)

Once I even had a guy ask me to cut it with a razor blade!! You believe that shit? I told him “NO” for a hundred obvious reasons, but that one really freaked me out. Look guys, if you can’t get it up, that’s too bad, but why do I have to suffer? Now this doesn’t mean that I haven’t resorted to some of the more “extreme” measures in my sordid history. But those cases were rare and for special customers only (and by special I mean “cha-ching!”).

And THOSE stories I will reserve for a special occasion.

Now you wanna hear something weird (you’re probably rolling your eyes at that line) – I’ve been getting more and more young guys in here with Limp Dick. I’m talking the 20-25 range. It’s the weirdest thing. They have no clue why they can only get 50% hard. Then they expect me to know why! Go see your doctor – not a masseuse. These guys can still cum, they just never get really hard.

I feel kinda bad for them. If you guys reading this have any ideas, please let me know. I guess the closest thing I can compare it to is a girl with a clit that’s not sensitive. In that case it’s just a matter of figuring out exactly what you gotta do that works. Maybe it’s easier for these young guys to come to me first, instead of embarrassing themselves with their poor unsuspecting girlfriends. Whatever – I should have become a dick doctor.

So guys – any advice?

CJ

The Holy Rollers

OK, I thought I’d do something different today. Instead of one of my stories, I got one from another business. So here’s proof that it’s not just me making up this bullshit, but there’s wacky shit going on all over the place.

I was chatting with a customer today who’s from Ohio (we’ll call him Ralph) who passes by here on a regular basis. I didn’t tell him about my blog, but I did make a comment about how I’ve seen things so crazy over the years, that no one believes me. Well, he said he’d believe anything I had to say after this story he got from a masseuse in Ohio.

(Note from CJ – I can’t testify to the truth of Ralph’s story. But it’s kinda funny anyway)

This Other Place he goes to has an interesting setup. The Boss doesn’t allow her girls to do full service. Instead, whenever a customer wants full service, they are to refer him to The Boss who happily obliges. I guess it’s her way of keeping her girls honest and the big tips all for herself. I could say I’m in a similar situation since discovering that my boss does full service stuff with some of her Regulars, but I digress…

The Boss tells this story of one of her higher profile customers. Apparently a rather popular local Minister has been a regular at her place for a number of years. And to make things more interesting, he’s recently begun showing up with his WIFE. Now like I said before, I will not vouch for the truth of this story, but Ralph said you can see him on local Ohio TV Sunday mornings. And I hear he’s the real bible-thumping kinda preacher too. Anyway, this guy will only makes appointments at night, and he goes out of his way to park several blocks from the massage parlor and walk the rest of the way (married men – are you taking note?).

Ralph said they get the same thing each time. The Minister relaxes while both the Wife and the Boss do a full body massage on him. Then towards the end, the 2 girls take turns jerking him off, but double up for the finish. After he’s done, he moves from the table to a chair in the corner of the room. The Boss then does an erotic massage on the Wife, but for the happy ending she actually goes down on her! THEN, they switch places and the Wife goes down on the Boss!! And I guess all this time, the Minister just watches and plays with himself.

For her time and discretion, the Boss gets paid $1,000 per session. I guess it’s slightly more discrete than calling an escort agency – as long as no one sees him walking out the door!!! LOL - I see no reason not to believe this story. I mean, I’ve seen and heard weirder. But if you guys don’t like this story – don’t blame me!

CJ

Freak of the Week 2 - Captain Haircut

Luna came to me last weekend while I was on break and told me she had just had the oddest session. She said “This guy just came in wearing a full army uniform – camouflage and everything.” That rang a bell in my head, but I let her continue. “Said he’s a regular here and asked who else was working. I told him you were on break, but he said he was in a hurry and all and it wouldn’t take long.” I start smiling because I think I know where this is going.

“So anyways, he asks for 30 minutes. Then says real matter-of-fact like if I could get some extra towels and a cup of hot water.” I notice that Luna isn’t bothered by this story, just sort of confused. I just nod and tell her to continue. “So then I gets him in the room and he just sits in the chair. And when I tried to tell him about the options, he cuts me off and says he doesn’t take any. So he says…” and here Luna leans in to make it sound more dramatic, “… he asks… 'Would you cut my hair?'”

I knew it – Captain Haircut! I haven’t seen him in a while, but he shows up like clockwork: first weekend of every month. He’s not from around here, but the Reserves give him an excuse to visit us on a regular basis. He’s quiet in a creepy kinda way, but he’s also harmless. I probably would have told you about him eventually, but Luna’s first experience with him is far more fun.

My eyes got wide. “No way!” I said in pretend surprise. “Did you tell him we’re a massage parlor?”

“Uh yeah. But he said that’s why he’s here because he needs it done in a very precise way. I figured he wanted me topless while I did it or something, but nope. He says I can keep everything on. Then he opens up this backpack and pulls out some clippers, and then some shaving cream and a razor.” She starts nodding her head, “And then I realize what the extra towels and cup of hot water are for… He expects me to cut and shave his head!” And with this she smacks her forehead.

I started laughing as if I’d heard this guys story for the first time. But wait, it gets better.

“He says ‘I like it when ladies cut my hair’ all serious like. And I’m like do you want me to jerk you off or something when we’re done? And he’s like ‘that won’t be necessary.’ So we talk price and he says Trina charged him $60 last time, so I said OK.”

Luna sits down next to me for the next part of her story. “Anyways, he sits back and starts to undo his army pants. So I’m figuring this is where he’s gonna do something weird. But instead, he reaches back into his bag and pulls out a wad of tissues. Then, get this - he shoves the wad of tissues into his underwear. Weird huh?” I nod in agreement and tell her to go on. “Well then he asks me for the towels, so I go over and help him put them around his neck and shoulders. Then I gets the clippers and he tells me to cut his hair real slow and not to miss anything.

Now I’ve cut my kids hair before, so I know how to use clippers. So I start on the back of his neck and work my way up slowly, see. And then I notice he’s like making these little noises. So I stop and ask if he’s OK, and he’s like ‘Yes, keep going’ so I’m like whatever, so I keep going.” Now I lean in to listen since this is getting good. “Then I notice that he’s starting to moan louder like each time I make a pass on his head. So then I looked down to see if he’s touching himself, and he’s not. His hands are sitting on his knees, right? Well anyways, I keep going and I have to admit that the mom in me wants to do a good job. So I go really slow and making sure I don’t miss anything and that it looks even and everything, right?”

Now I start laughing since I’m loving this story, and I know how it ends.

“I am not kidding CJ! His eyes are closed and he’s actually moaning as I cut his hair. But then I finish, and I ask him ‘now what?’ So he tells me to dip the razor in the cup with the hot water. Meanwhile, he takes the shaving cream thing and starts lathering up his head, OK? When he’s done and ready, he wipes the stuff off his hands on the towels and says in a really quiet voice, ‘Now shave it really, really slow. I’ll tell you when to stop.”

“So what did you do?!” I asked. I was really digging her story at this point.

Luna shrugged her shoulders. “I starting shaving, like he said. I started at his forehead and worked my way back. So now it’s obvious that this guy is moaning and breathing heavy. And I swear CJ, each time I dragged that razor across his head, you’d think I was stroking his cock. He just kept moaning and his breathing kept getting heavier and heavier. It was kinda scary, but kinda interesting at the same time. Know what I mean? Well anyways, I finished the top of his head and started the back of his head when all of a sudden he says ‘STOP.'

You should have seen me… I froze right there! So then he says kinda normal now ‘Thank you. I’ll finish the rest.’ Then he takes the razor from me and rinses it in the cup. Then he towels his head off. Now I can see that I’ve only finished about half of his head, but I didn’t say anything since I was still just weirded out. So now here’s the freaky thing… he reaches into his army pants and pulls out the wad of tissue! Gross, right? Well I knew he was a regular at this point because he took the tissues and put them in a plastic bag and then packed that with the rest of his shaving stuff and clippers in his backpack. Then he buttons his pants up, says ‘Thank you’ again, then gets up and leaves. That was probably the freakiest $60 I’ve ever made”

I am laughing my ass off at this point. Not because any of this is new to me, but just Luna’s whole take on it. I should have warned her about Captain Haircut. Oh well. It’s funnier this way!

CJ

This One is for the Girls

So the other week I was hanging out with some friends at the bar when in walks a couple of girls from The Business across town (*** from now on I’ll refer to them as “The Other Place” since I refuse to give them a plug ***). Now the massage business is a relatively small world, so I tend to know most of the other girls in some way – worked together, shared some pot, fucked their boyfriends – you get what I’m saying. I wouldn’t call them our competition either, since they’re pretty much full-service and we’re not (at least most of us here aren’t!).

When a new guy comes around asking us for full-service, we politely refer him to the local weekly rag (where The Other Place has an ad). We used to just send them over there until we had a really bad experience. One day some asshole comes in looking for a particular full-service girl and we automatically referred him to The Other Place. Turns out he was a stalker, and the girl he was looking for had just switched businesses in an effort to avoid him. Since then we’ll never refer anyone, or acknowledge we know anyone at the Other Places.

Anyways, I remember Sarah from when I used to work at The Other Place in the old days. We’re still friends and call each other now and then. Well, she walks in with one of their new girls (we’ll call her Andrea since I hate the name Andrea). One of the guys in our group turns and asks me “Who is that? And would you look at those!” The last time I saw Andrea, she was a short, dumpy, brunette who probably went full service because she was a lousy masseuse. I am not kidding – now she looked like someone took a bowling ball, cut it in half, then glued the pieces to her upper torso. And her shirt was so tight I swear you could see the holes for the fingers.

The boys couldn’t stop staring.

Trina leans over and says “Fake tits. Fake lips. And she’s bowed legged.”

Luna added “I’ve seen better dressed crack-ho’s. And I would know.”

Beer almost came out of my nose at that one. Then I added, “Without those heels she’d be a midget.”

What is it with guys and fake titties? I’ve already talked about what I think of implants. They’re really not necessary in this line of work. They make you look like a stripper and don’t help a business that’s trying to look legitimate. I’ve worked with girls with implants before, and I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the guys complaining about how they should never have changed their looks, etc. I agree - and that’s not just because my real ones are nice!

I swear – you could slap tits on a dog, and guys will still drool. Guys are so stupid.

CJ

Q&A 1

Wow - I got a bunch of interesting questions and comments from you guys this week. They were good enough to share with everyone, so I thought I'd try something different today and just do a Q&A. It's a nice break from trying to figure out what kinda stories you guys would enjoy. So here goes...

My First Q&A Session - by CJ

Does the "touching within reason" ever do ANYTHING for you? Or is it just noise that you tune out?

Depends on the guy and the touching. When a guy is on the table and just grabbing my tits and ass, I just tune it out. But there’s an option I offer for Regulars called “Mutual Massage” where I spend half the time massaging him and he gets to spend half the time massaging me. During a mutual, I can usually count on enjoying my half of the deal since the guys always do their best to make me happy! Talk about attention to detail… guys will rub my feet, my head, my neck, you name it. Ask a boyfriend for a massage – and all I’ll get is a few rough rubs across my back before he rolls over and asks for sex.

Has a guy ever gotten you excited while you're getting him excited?
Interesting question. Believe it or not, I’m actually fascinated with a guys ejaculation. I enjoy watching a cock twitch then shoot its little streams of jizz. I don’t know what it is, but I just get a real kick out of that. And it’s more of mental turn on if anything – not sexual.

Now have I ever been turned on by any guys in particular? You bet! We’ve had hot guys in here, and guys that are just so sweet and charming it’s a wonder I didn’t go home with them. A lot of it is having that right attitude. But it’s not that often that I get turned on during work, and when I do I usually just go home and take care of things (if you know what I mean).

So how much would it be to fuck? Name a price even if it's a million dollars.

Sorry guys – NO amount of money. I believe you can’t put a price on sex. If you want to get into these pants, it’s all about how you talk to a lady. But if you’re curious about the guys who’ve tried - a Regular once offered me $3,500 for 30 minutes at his place (which is funny since he’s only a mile from my house and I drive past it every day).

Have you had any close calls with Johnny Law?

Nope never.

Do you get a W-2 from your employer? Is it organized just like a regular business (except for the touching of genitals?) Do you have to claim your tips?

I get a 1099 and yes, I have to declare my tips. But as any waitress will tell you, you only declare a calculated minimum.

Do you have to do anything special to keep your hands/wrists from getting sore? Do you have a special workout regimen?

What kind of question is that? Are you suggesting I make a workout video? I’ll admit that my hands and arms are fit from doing massages for a living. But if you’re referring to the Happy Ending, I usually limit that bit to 5 minutes because my arms do get tired.

Do you serve all ethnicities in your practice? If so, is it true what they say about african-american men?

Yes – we serve all ethnicities. And No – it’s not true what they say. Out of all my years at this, I’ve only seen maybe 3 black cocks that were bigger than normal. Ya wanna know who really has the biggest pricks? OLD GUYS. For some reason, their pricks get bigger and thicker with age. I think it's proof that God has a sense of humor.

Do you have an end goal in mind (I just need to make X dollars and then I'm done) or are you just trying to figure it all out still? (like the rest of us...)

Just trying to figure it out like the rest of you. Keep reading this crap and maybe you can figure it out for me!

Do you feel that there is anything wrong with what you're doing? Is massaging genitals really all that much different from rubbing shoulders, backs, and legs?

Nope – a dick is just another muscle like the rest of them. I see nothing wrong with what I do since I don’t do anything I’m not supposed to. Remember - I’m not full service.

Back when I was working at a legitimate spa, people still looked at me crooked when I told them I was a “Massage Therapist.” The whole massage industry is forever tainted by the escort agencies that use massage as a cover for prostitution. A customer told me this story about how he once called a “massage agency” to send someone to his place. Well this skanky looking woman shows up and starts explaining all the things she’ll do for money, and massage was NOT one of them. It also doesn't help your image when one of your co-workers turns full-service behind your back.

Well I hope that answers some of your questions. Keep em coming! This was a nice break from my usual staring at the screen wondering why you guys don't want to hear about that slut with the new implants. Oh well.

CJ

So You Wanna Be a Sugar Daddy?

Hi guys – sorry I’ve been gone so long. Last week was really weird and it took a while for me to get my thoughts straightened out. Did you like my cute little attempt to poll you guys as to what you want to hear first? I guess not since only 3 people said anything. Oh well. You’re gonna hear those stories anyway, but I see that you’re not interested in hearing about the new skank at the place across town that just got implants. Things like that are a big deal to the girls, but I guess boys don’t care.

So let me tell you about Sugar Daddies. The basic definition of a Sugar Daddy (or “SD”) is someone who takes care of you financially in return for sexual favors. In the massage business, it’s an overly generous Regular that you’re willing to do “extras” for. Now any guy can offer you a wad of cash in the hopes you’ll do something extra, but a real Sugar Daddy hands you a wad of cash in every session, no matter what happens in the room.

Now before you start yelling “Aha! I knew you screwed customers!” - let me explain what I mean by extras. If you’re willing to bump up your game to the level of Sugar Daddy, these are some of the perks you can expect.

Blow Jobs – This is one of the most common extras that SD’s ask for. Remember – this is supposed to be erotic massage. So replacing the hand release with a mouth release is a really big deal. You're crossing the line between masseuse and whore. You can get fired. And if rumors start getting around, you'll attract unwanted attention to the business.

VIP Treatment – For example, I won't watch the clock during session. I may offer a hand release at both the beginning AND end. I'll wear any outfits you bring, and if you ask nicely I may give you one of the more exotic releases like breast or thigh.

Fucking – This perk usually takes place outside the business. And a SD must be VERY generous before he can start asking for it. At this point, you've pretty much just agreed to be an escort for a rich customer. And this leads me to the next one…

Meeting Outside the Business – Another popular extra. SD’s assume that you’ll be available after work for drinks or whatever. Hey – they’re paying extra for it, so why not? Most of the time, these outside meetings are little more than booty calls at some local motel. But sometimes you’ll be asked to meet your SD’s in public so they can show you off to their friends.

(True Story – my old co-worker Cindy and I once met our SD’s at a local hotel for dinner. Well, I was there for dinner - Cindy was there to fuck. We got all slutted up for the occasion and headed out. While we were waiting in the parking lot having a smoke, hotel security approached us and told us to “…go work elsewhere.”)

Ya wanna know what I do with my Sugar Daddies? It’s not a big deal talking about it since I've never had sex with any of them. Well first off, all my SD's get the VIP treatment. Shit - I'll fan them with a palm leaf and feed them grapes for all I care - the money is THAT good. Also, I'll agree to see them outside of work. Sometimes it's to a hotel room or condo for a private session, but usually it's out for dinner. Occasionally I'll be asked to set their friends up with one of my less virtuous friends (Yes - I've pimped out my friends before!). I've even had offers to go spend a weekend somewhere, but I've only accepted a few times, and that was for a particularly generous Sugar Daddy.

This SD (let's call him Fred) took me to Miami for a weekend business trip. He gave me money for shopping and only had 1 stipulation - I look good each night we went out with his "Colleagues." It was a pretty sweet deal. I spent the days shopping with one of the other guys "Assistants" and in the evening I just had to look hot and act flirty. Didn't even have to blow the guy! Had my own bed and everything. Now before you start rolling your eyes and clicking on someone elses blog, just remember that this guy was VERY wealthy. I guess after a certain point in your life it's more about appearances and less about getting laid. Maybe he didn't want to cheat on his wife - I don't know.

So what does it take to be called a Sugar Daddy? Well it takes more than walking into a business and flashing a roll of bills. If a guy wants to be your SD, he'll always drop a fat tip after the first session to let you know he's interested. And I don't mean an extra $20. I'm talking an extra 2 or 3 hundred on top of the regular tip. That kind of money grabs your attention. Now if this guy comes back and does it AGAIN, then you know he's serious and not a recent lottery winner. They'll also lavish you with gifts. I've got a chest full of jewelry from Sugar Daddies past and present. But the best gift I've ever seen is the pair of tits Cindy got from her SD. Funny story - guy spends $4000 and then gets tired of her 2 months later. I gotta start telling you guys more Cindy stories...

Now why have I not talked about Sugar Daddies till now? Cause it looks like I may have met a new one this week. Guy came in - decent looking elderly guy. Thinning gray hair, kinda skinny, good conversation. Anyway, he came in and we had a rather nice, normal session. Didn't ask for anything weird or kinky. But afterwards, he tips me $500, then says he'll be back. I was floored. I haven't seen anything like this in a long time.

So what exactly am I supposed to do if he comes back? I could really use the money considering how bad business has been, but this amount just makes me nervous. Why couldn't he be a cheap creep like the rest of them? THAT I can deal with.

CJ