Guys Are Really Cute When They're Giving You Things - Follow Up

OK guys, I just wanted to take a quick break here in the middle of my exciting story of my first day at work to reveal the correct answers to my post on favors.

I tried explaining earlier that when I originally wrote that, I didn’t consciously try to create 2 matching sets of favors given and received. But luckily, it was close enough to make a game out of it! So here is a better explanation of the favors I have received throughout the years in this business.

(BTW – Please feel free to compare these to that turkey you got from your boss on Thanksgiving and then tell me who has the better job)

Insanely generous tip – Handjob on his boat
This is another one of my “Cindy” stories. You see, after receiving the “insanely” generous tip in question, Cindy and I were invited to go on the boat of one of my SD’s (Sugar Daddy). Towards the end of the day, Cindy and her SD went downstairs into that cabin thing so they could fuck like bunny rabbits, leaving me and my SD drinking beer up on top. Well after a couple of beers I was feeling a bit frisky. So after fetching us a couple of cold ones, I casually reached over with my left hand and undid his pants. He gave me a look, but didn’t complain as I pulled his dick out of his pants and starting working it. So there I was – beer in the right hand and his cock in my left. I worked him for a bit and he finished just in time for me to grab a refill.

Car wash - Lunch
This was one of my young “fans” who wanted to do something nice without spending any money. I took him out for lunch as soon as he was done, so I wouldn’t feel like I owed him anything the next time we were in session.

6 months of my cell phone bill – Undying gratitude
I didn’t ask him to, but I do confess that I had spent enough time complaining about my bill in front of him. It was a nice gesture, but kinda creepy at the same time – so I didn’t want to go out of my way to acknowledge it.

Car payment – Harley Davidson leather jacket
I saw this as more of a loan than a favor, so I returned it with something of equal value. The fact that the jacket was a gift from a customer is neither here nor there.

Every CD from the band Dirty Looks – Free 45 minute session AND dinner
I LOVE this band – and he really went out of his way to find all those CD’s since you can’t buy them in the store anymore. I was so thankful that I took him out for dinner immediately after giving him a free session.

Fixed a speeding ticket – Butt release
This was a classic case of “I know a guy who knows a guy…” with one of my Regulars who was a lawyer. He placed a couple of phone calls and gave me a detailed list of instructions I had to follow to a letter, and it all worked out. Even though he was a lawyer, he never tipped me extra – so I gave him a special treat at the end of one of our sessions by handing him the bottle of oil, lying down on the table with my ass up and telling him “It’s all yours…”

Free hotel room – Thank you card
The guys used his free “miles” – what more do you want?

Play Station 3 – Breast Release and a free 45 minute session
He called it his “Finders Fee.” LOL I figured it was the least I could do considering he had to hit a dozen stores before finding one.

New clothes – Undying gratitude
I love new clothes and will always accept them as a gift (except for black T-shirts which I can’t stand). This is probably the most common gift I get from customers (jewelry is second).

2 new car tires – Nothing
Now this was a weird one. I once had a blowout on the way to work, and ended up driving around on that donut tire for about a week before I had time to buy a new one. This 1 customer who always gave me the creeps comes in one day with 2 (TWO!) tires. 1 tire makes sense. 4 tires make sense. But 2 tires which I didn’t need or ask for????? Come on!!!!! Plus, he was the kinda guy who expected a blowjob for something like that.

Foot rub – Hand job in the bathroom
This was one of Trina’s Regulars who I’m friends with. He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there.

Prada purse – Facial
This started off as a joke between me and a Regular. He was going to NYC and asked if I wanted anything. Well, after a bit of joking around we came up with the agreement that I’d let him jerk off on my face if he came back with a Prada purse. Now before you all start laughing about how it’s probably a $30 knock-off from Chinatown, I know how to spot an imposter. It’s all in the stitching on the inside and the layout of the pattern on the outside. Well, he brought it into our next session. After thoroughly inspecting it inside and out, I shook his hand, congratulated him, got down on my knees and said “Just don’t get it in my eyes.”

Now that just leaves the “Back rub” as the last of my favors that I give away. But as I said before, the list’s don’t perfectly match. The free massage is one of the most common favors I’ll give, but it’s usually only given to family and friends. It doesn’t make sense at the Business since customers still need to pay Audrey the Session Fee, so if I want to do a customer a favor for any reason, I’ll usually just give him an extra option.

So now you guys all know how to get my attention! Next week I will provide you an address to which you can start sending me tires and black T-shirts.

CJ

CJ Comes Over to the Dark Side - Part 1 - My First Customer

Well after much soul searching, I decided to finally share the tale of how I got into this strange business. It wasn't exactly a fairy princess story, but what the heck, it paid the bills - fabulously.

You see, after I graduated high school, I got a few odd jobs at first. Looked into a few jobs including Nurses Aid (imagine me as a nurse!). Then I heard about the program for licensed massage therapy and decided to sign up.

First job was at an upscale day spa downtown. You'd think the job would be sweet, but let me tell ya about those rich bitches. A bunch of no tipping, cheap asses. They always remembered to tip the girl who did the nails or hair, but us masseuses they always forgot. To make matters worse, I had to put in 24 hours per week AND be on-call for another 24. Back then a typical session was about $60 to the house and tips were optional. Well since no one tipped me, all I got was $20 per massage plus $6 per hour whenever I was in the spa. And I got NO money for being on call. It wouldn't have been so bad, except that I averaged about 3 sessions per week. Talk about a disappointing job. I remember once thinking that the Shampooer had a better job than me - and that's why today I tell strangers that I'm a Shampooer at a day spa!

At this time I had a friend named Greg who I used to party with. Well, I used to notice how his wife Rita always had new clothes, and was quick to pick up the tab. I'm not the kind to be jealous of anyone, so I never asked any questions about what she did for a living. Then one night at Greg's I was talking with Rita and she asked me what I did for a living. When I told her I was a LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) but didn't care much for it, her eyes got big and she said "Girl, have I got a job for you. I'm a masseuse too!"

But for some reason I thought there was something funny about the way she said it. I asked her where she worked, and she said it was across town at a place I had never heard of. She said they gave "relaxing massages" with "options." I think I gave her a weird look (remember - I went to school for this) when she explained that she did these massages only for men, while topless or wearing a G-string.

Let me tell ya - I looked at her like there was a horn growing out of the middle of her forehead. She noticed and laughed. "It's not that bad! I get about $40 to $80 per massage. Here - I want you to come with me to work tomorrow."

And that was the very first time I had ever heard of an erotic massage. I had no idea what to make of the idea of getting topless in front of strangers, but that amount of money per massage was just crazy. At that time I was living with a psycho boyfriend and any money to get me out of that shithole was welcome, so looking back I think I just kinda stopped asking questions because I could quadruple my income overnight.

The next day I went with Rita to her business, which was owned by two women who we would later affectionately refer to as "Tweedle-Dee" and "Tweedle-Dawn." They seemed nice enough and were very impressed with the fact that I had my LMT license. I was hired on the spot and told to get ready to take my first customer.

Now lets pause here and reflect over what has just happened (because I've gone over this in my mind a hundred times since then). What I've written here is pretty much EXACTLY what was discussed with me before I got hired. Now let us continue with this exciting story...

This guy shows up who's friends with the owners. They tell me to take him in session, so I lead him into one of the rooms. This guy (we'll call Mister) starts looking me up and down, telling me how beautiful I am and that he'll take a "nude with mutual."

Nude? NUDE? No one said nude!

"Hey mister - you wanna get me fired! I can't get naked! I can take my top off but that's it!" I was so scared about getting fired on my first client that I completely forgot that I could also take the pants off. He kinda giggled and said it was fine then. It was a little surprising how easily I took my shirt off in front of a stranger. I just figured that the room is dark, he's lying face down, and my boyfriend will NEVER KNOW.

He took the hour, so I started doing a complete therapeutic. I tried to ignore the fact that he did NOT wrap the towel around him. He was pleasantly surprised at how good I was and kept telling me so. I had never heard anyone enjoy my work that much before. The old Rich Bitches never said anything except "you're doing it too hard" or "it hurts when you do that." I have to admit it was kinda flattering, especially since I rarely ever had a male client before.

He flips over and I start on his pecs, once again trying really hard to ignore the fact that he's NOT wearing the towel. I work down to mid torso then jump straight to his legs, but before I can continue he looks at the clock and says "Now it's your turn."

"My turn for what?" I really had no clue what he just meant.

"I wanted a mutual. Remember?" He was being patient. I asked him what a mutual was. "uh... that's where I get to massage you."

"What?! You can't do that! I told you mister, that's against the rules and I don't want to get fired" I said angrily. I think he realized I was serious, so he said I could just finish up then. So I went back to his legs and started working them again. I had to go quickly since his 45 minutes were almost up.

I notice now that he's fidgeting, and then finally he sits up and asks "what about the ending?" in an annoyed tone. I told him I was almost done and he said, "... no. I mean the hand job."

!!!?????!!!!!!??????

????!!!! ???!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!! ?

!!!!

I can't really describe with words what I was thinking at that moment. I was shocked, offended, scared and confused all at the same time. That was it for me. I yelled "I'm not doing that!" Then I threw my shirt back on - oily hands and all - grabbed my bra and bolted out the door. I went straight to the office and explained that I was just taken advantage of by that "friend" of theirs and that none of it was my fault - "Please don't fire me!"

But all they did was laugh. This really threw me. I felt like I was Alice and this was Wonderland. What kind of place was this???? Naked men? Naked Masseuses? Handjobs??? Remember - I was young, naive and just out of high school. I had no idea what a "massage parlor" was.

When they were done laughing, they told me not to worry and they would take care of it. Dee went to see Mister to explain that I was a newbie. A few minutes later, she comes back and says "Everything's cool. Here - this is for you." Then Dee hands me $100 in cash. "That's your tip." My eyes bugged out - I had weekly paychecks that were less than that. To Dawn she said "He thought she was sweet, but we have to talk to her."

This is when someone finally explained to me what "Erotic Massage" REALLY meant. And my life hasn't been the same since.

And that ends Part 1 of my so called "first time." Unfortunately, this is the nice part of the story. Part 2 is going to be harder for me to tell.

CJ

Guys Are Really Cute When They're Giving You Things

I got some interesting questions from you guys about what kind of favors guys do for me. Well here is a small list of things people have done for me in the hopes of getting in my good graces (both customers and friends):

1) Insanely generous tip
2) Car wash
3) 6 months of my cell phone bill.
4) Car payment
5) Every CD made from the band Dirty Looks
6) Fixed a speeding ticket
7) Free hotel room
8) Play Station 3 (right when it came out!)
9) New clothes
10) 2 new car tires
11) Foot rub
12) A Prada purse

And of course, being the wonderful, giving person I am, I returned the favors in kind. Here is a small example of things I've done to show my gratitude. (Try to match the favors given to those received!)

1) Free 45 minute session
2) Dinner
3) Breast release
4) Undying gratitude
5) 10 minute back rub
6) Nothing
7) Harley Davidson Leather jacket
8) Facial
9) Lunch
10) Butt release
11) Thank You card
12) Hand job on his boat

Happy Guessing!

CJ

The Double-Handed Criss-Cross Technique

OK - I found it. I made some phone calls this week and confirmed that there is a video of me performing my infamous Double-Handed Criss-Cross technique.

Of course I have absolutely no intention of sharing it on the internet. LOL

But it's funny that I had almost completely forgotten that I had a copy of it. Ya see, it was about 3 or so years ago, a friend of mine (Sugar Daddy Brad) introduced me to a friend of his we'll call Jared. Really nice guy, not quite 50 who unfortunately became a widower at an early age. My SD Brad suggested my services might help cheer him up a bit since it had been a couple of years already and he hadn't started dating yet. I called him up and asked if he still had the video and he said "What - did you lose your copy?"

HOLY SHIT! If went through all my crap at home and found it inside the DVD box for "All Dogs Go To Heaven." Thank God my nephew never borrowed that one. So then I popped it in to refresh my memory of the old days...

Anyway, I used to see Jared once or twice a month for about a year, and our sessions weren't anything out of the ordinary. Then one day I asked him for a REALLY REALLY big favor. Well, he came through and I asked him what he wanted in return. He gave me a big shit-eating grin and asked quite humbly "Can I get a video tape of you doing the end part?"

Wow. Not quite what I expected. I thought he'd ask for a free breast release or something. Maybe take him out to dinner. Heck, I had never done video or even camera's before. However, I felt I could really trust him not to try to blackmail me with it since Sugar Daddy Brad would just kick his ass. So I said "Sure! I even have a few ideas."

At our next session, he came in with a gym bag that contained the video camera (couldn't let Audrey see it!!!). He showed me how it worked, and then we played with it a bit and tried to figure out the best angles and the lighting. Then I told him "Sit over there and I'll pretend to come in and seduce you." He sat in the corner of the room and I went out and then walked back in very casually.
"Hi... What can I do for you?" I used the deep voice.

He started laughing and said "I heard I could have a good time around here. How about you lose that shirt?"

I walked up and stopped in front of him. "You like that?" I said as I pulled my T-shirt up over my head. Then I undid my bra and let it hit the floor. He didn't say anything after that. I think he was just concentrating on holding the camera still.

I told him to get comfortable, so he turned the camera off and stripped. He wasn't interested in a massage at this point, so he just lied back and propped the camera up as best he could so he could see the view finder. I stripped down to G-string, then grabbed the warm oil.

My table is about 3 feet off the ground, so when a guy with a normal build lies on it, my breasts are just slightly above a nice hard dick. This way I can perform the hand release without my hands blocking view of The Girls.

I oiled him up and started off with just my left hand working his cock up and down. When he became hard enough I moved my right hand across the other to rub his balls. So picture my arms crossed as I work him. With the left hand I'm working his cock up and down, and my right forearm slides back and forth along the side of his cock while the right hand strokes his balls. And with my arms crossing each other, they push The Girls up and out, which makes for a really nice show.

He made some moaning noises, but I didn't hurry him along since this was his reward. He kept the camera pretty much focused on my hands and tits. I think he wanted to make a point of not shooting my face. Now all I did for 5 minutes was work him with my hands, changing position every now and then, but still trying to keep The Girls pressed together. Eventually he started moaning louder and said "I wanna cum on your tits!" I obliged him and leaned over slightly as he came. He shot an embarrasingly small load onto the side of my right breast. I rubbed it around with the tip of his dick (for dramatic effect) then I made a peace sign for the camera!!!! LOL

Then the screen turned blue. A few seconds later, I saw myself in a white bustier with matching white gloves... FUCK - I FORGOT ABOUT THE REST OF THE TAPES! I quickly turned it off and then grabbed my laptop to write all this shit down.

And that was my very first foray into the world of video porn. Now as you can see, I had so much fun showing off for the camera, that I actually shot a number of other videos with Jared, but those stories will have to wait for later. Funny how he ended up doing a LOT of favors for me that year.

CJ

The Narc

Audrey finally hired someone. I like how she waited until I was off to do it. The new girl is named Rachel, and she worked for the Other Business a couple years ago. Trina and I vaguely remember her name. I called over to the Other Place just to make sure it was the same girl we were thinking of and it checked out. They didn’t have much to say about her, other than she was kinda on and off for a while before she finally quit.

It’s unclear what she was doing the last couple years. She told Audrey during the interview that she was at home taking care of her boyfriends kids and doing odd jobs. Trina and I called up some of our Go-To girls to get the real story. Rumor has it she had run-ins with the law over the years - possibly drugs or some domestic shit. One of my friends implied she may have been an informant for the police, but she had no proof. Trina heard something similar, except that Rachel had blabbed about the Other Business to the police in order to get out of a drug rap. Once again, no proof of any of this, so now we’re stuck with her. Oh well.

She’s kinda cute. Medium height, thin but not skinny. Dark brown hair in a perm. No obvious signs of drug use (thank God). So far she’s been really quiet, which is kinda creepy, but I guess that’s normal with people you don’t know. I was trying all day to get some sort of personal dirt out of her, but nada. If she really is a Narc, maybe we can get her to trip up on her own story.

Narcs aren’t common in this business. I mean, how can a Narc work her way into a full-service Business when she actually has to fuck customers to do it? And the non-full service places like us – forget it. You think the cops are interested in a story about how you DIDN’T blow some guy for money? Please…

Anyway, I gave Rachel the first customer of the day just to see how she’d do. Audrey already gave her the talk about how we are NOT full-service, the speech we give before the happy ending, our prices for the options, how to dress, etc… (as if Audrey actually follows any of her own rules). Rachel’s first session was 30 minutes with a $80 tip. Well I know that guy went home happy, so it looks like she’s one of us.

I insisted we close the business so we could do lunch together - partly because I get bored eating by myself, but mostly because I wanted to see how she reacts when she’s not alone. I mean, would she spend the hour glancing at her cell phone? Or maybe sneak off to the bathroom and come back wiping her nose? You can learn a lot about a person when they’re stuck sitting next to you for an hour.

Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report about her other than she recently broke up with her boyfriend and now has to work. I did think it was odd though that she claims she never worked full-service for the Other Business when I know all the girls there do (I know I was able to get away with it, but that was a while ago). The next time Trina works with her, I’ll make sure she asks the exact same questions so we can compare notes. I’ll keep you posted on how she works out.

As for me, I don’t have anything new to report. I had the entire weekend off, so I spent it hanging out at my mom’s place doing gardening. I also had a “date” with the Brad Pitt clone. He’s nice and all, but if he apologizes one more time for how he treated me in high school, I’m going to strangle him.

CJ

Official Results of the Readers Poll

OK boys and girls. I’ve added everything up and even weeded out a few cheaters and confused people. The final result (for now anyway) is:

Boys: 37 (62%)
Girls: 23 (38%)

Interesting. I honestly had no idea what to expect. But the good news is that it’s not going to affect what I write about.

What I really enjoyed was reading all of your comments, and I hope to get around to addressing all of them eventually. There were a few in there that I found really flattering – like the 10 year married couple that learned a better way to give hand jobs! Too bad I don’t have any video of my patented double-handed criss-cross technique (actually I do, but that's a whole other story). Then there was a girl who wanted to watch her boyfriend get a massage and happy ending. I also got a few shouts from some of my fellow colleagues. It’s always nice to hear from people who find some of this shit perfectly normal.

Then there were a few comments from guys who had bad experiences in massage parlors. And even one from a girl who discovered her boyfriend had gone to one (more than once I've had an angry wife on the phone wondering what "massage" was doing on her husbands VISA). One guy said he was kinda put off by some of the things I’ve described here. Believe me – not my intention. And one guy actually said he stopped going to parlors because we made him "cum too fast." Can we help it if we're good at our jobs?

But let me thank you guys again for speaking up. I got some good feedback, plus several ideas for future posts.

CJ

Freak of the Week - The Hypochondriac

Yesterday I had a guy in who pretty much is the definition of “freak of the week.” We’ll call him Iggy. Anyway, Iggy isn’t exactly a Regular but he’s so unique that we all remember him when he comes in.

Iggy is a total germaphobe/hypochondriac. It knew it was him when I pulled into the parking lot yesterday morning. He insists on being the first person in the room so there’s less chance of “contamination.” In fact, he’s there so early that there’s no need for him to make an appointment since there’s no one here to even answer the phone!

You know how you picture a germaphobe guy to be really skinny and pale? Well Iggy is pale, but he's on the chubby side. I guess food germs don’t scare him too much. He always shows up with a bag full of supplies. First thing he does in the room (after putting on his surgeons gloves) is to peel the sheets off the bed. Then he sprays everything down with his alcohol cleaner, and wipes everything up with paper towels (which he also brings).

He absolutely refuses to have any contact with our sheets and towels. Instead, he lays paper towels over the entire massage table. Then he puts aside the remaining roll plus a box of tissues for me to use exclusively with him.

Iggy always gets the nude option, but will not touch me. I offered him a “mutual” once and he freaked out at the thought. “No thanks, but you girls aren’t exactly clean.” Gee – thanks Iggy, you’re no prize either. He’s usually kinda quiet during the massage since he’s so uptight about everything, but you can tell the massage is working when he starts to open up. He confessed once to going to a strip club. Apparently a stripper leaned over and whispered in his ear, and he ran out of the place totally convinced that he had gotten VD. Washed his ear out with alcohol and went to his doctor. From the way he told this story, I gather his doctor isn’t fond of him either.

He never asks for anything unusual during his session, just the standard massage and hand release. The only thing different, I guess, is that I have to clean him up with the tissues he brought. Afterwards, he wipes himself down with that hand sanitizer stuff he brings in the economy sized bottle. Then I gather all the paper towels and tissues and stuff them in a plastic bag and walk them straight out to the dumpster (remember – we don’t like having used tissues on the premises).

Overall, he’s actually one of the nicer customers. Never grabs or pinches us. Never asks for anything “extra.” Just very business like. Why can’t the rest of the customers be like that?

CJ

Boycott Asian Massage Parlors!

I was bitching with Audrey last week about how hard it is to find a decent person to hire. Then it dawned on us how in all the years we’ve been working in the Business that we’ve never worked with anyone who came from an Asian massage parlor. EVER.

Now that doesn’t mean we’ve never worked with Asian girls before, but with 4 Asian places within 15 miles of here you would think that eventually you’d bump into someone who worked there. I mean it's not like we have national conventions or anything, but fact of the matter is that the girls that work in those places NEVER leave. And when I say NEVER leave, I mean they usually live inside the Business. The 4 Asian places near here are all houses with the windows blackened out.

One of the comments I got the other day from the boys was about how he doesn’t visit Asian places any more since they’ve been associated with human trafficking. That got me thinking about the conversation Audrey and I had. I’ve never met one of their girls, but I have spoken to lots of customers over the years about what goes on in those places (plus I saw a special on TV about it).

Apparently someone with connections to organized crime will scope out a neighborhood in the suburbs and find an inconspicuous place to set up shop. Then his crime buddies will bring in girls from China or the Philippines or wherever – either legally or illegally – to staff the place. A house mom sets the prices for all the options, so there’s very little room to negotiate. She also handles all the money, and what from what I understand the actual girls don’t see any of it. I guess they’re told (or threatened) that they work for their citizenship which never comes. Eventually the girls either get rotated out to other parlors, or end up back on boats to China (or worse). And that’s why we NEVER see them working at the regular places.

I don’t know how it is in the city, or anywhere around the country for that matter, but that’s what I’ve seen here. So if you guys wanna start a nationwide boycott of the Asian massage parlors in the name of political correctness – you have my support!

One of the weird things about working in the so-called sex industry is that there are basically 2 fundamentally opposite reasons for working in it. The first reason some of us are here is because it’s the EASIEST way to make lots of money. Let me tell ya... when you find something that gets you mad money - no matter what it is - it’s hard to walk away. Why should I pump gas for $50 a day after taxes when I can bring home $500 a day in cash?

The second reason some of us are here is because it is the ONLY way we can make any money. No training or experience necessary. There’s a reason why they’re called Crack Ho’s and not Crack Accountants. And if the only thing between sleeping in the alley and sleeping in a motel room is blowing some trucker - that blowjob ain't looking so bad after all.

Now the transition from the 1st reason to the 2nd is real obvious. You know you’ve done it when 2 things happen. First, you realize that you just did something out of total desperation that you would never have done before. And second, you did that desperate thing not for a luxury of any kind, but just to feed yourself or pay the rent. I don’t know how many friends I’ve seen go that way over the years, and I don’t like to think about it.

Luckily I’m still firmly rooted in Reason #1. When it comes my turn to work for reason #2, I think I’ll start pumping gas. At least I'd like to think that.

CJ

Readers Poll – Results So Far

As you can tell by looking at the comments, there appears to be more boys than girls reading this nonsense. I had to double check the boys results since I noticed there were a few cheaters logging in more than 1 comment.

But I’m also very happy to see how many girls are out there. I wasn’t sure if the results of this poll were going to have any impact on me, but I have to admit that it feels pretty nice to tell some of these stories to other women and actually get positive feedback. Guys seem to gobble this stuff up, but I have always been hesitant to share some of these things with my girlfriends who aren’t in the Business. So thanks to all of you for being so supportive.

Now I’m going to leave this poll up for a bit longer before I share the official results. Heck – sometimes I can’t log on to the computer for days at a time, so I’ll give everyone out there a little extra time. In the meanwhile, I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve learned.

From the Girls
It’s nice to see that I have some fellow colleagues out there that have been in the Business in one way or another. None of you have called “bullshit” on any of my stories, so I guess you all know what I’m talking about! I also noticed that you guys seem to be quiet when it comes to making comments in general – so please feel free to ask questions about anything you read about in here.

From the Boys
I was happy to see that a few of you have already been customers of other Businesses. The rest of you who are still curious – what are you waiting for? LOL – one particular comment I liked was “I’ve been – but I wouldn’t call it erotic”!!! I feel for ya brother.

And THANKS to everyone who voted! Your comments were great.

CJ

Freaks of the Week

Today’s freak of the Week isn’t a customer – it’s an interviewee. And let me tell ya, this one was a real clown.

I waited 3 days to write that joke!

You see, she was actually a clown. No joke – a children’s clown. The kind you see at birthday parties with the big shoes and purple wig. Seeing her here was funny and sad at the same time (kinda like a real clown).

Anyway, she came in on Friday for an interview. Tall, chunky, 35 year old brunette with short, cropped hair. Wore a bright red blouse and jeans, and looked very serious. Audrey and I did a double take when we saw “clown” written on her application. Turns out she’s been working part time as a clown for over 10 years. Her “skills” included face painting and balloon animals (can you imagine me painting some guys face like a puppy then putting on a big red clown nose and giving a hand release? LOL – betcha money there’s some guy out there who’s into that).

She got divorced a year ago and has been struggling to make ends meet ever since. Between the rising gas prices and parents not spending $$ on their kids like they used to, her income has just dried up. We asked her if she was sure she was in the right place. She said she had heard about us through a guy friend and was willing to give it a try. I thought Audrey should give her a chance, but she’s funny about people who haven’t been “initiated” into the business yet. I think if no one better comes along in the next couple of weeks, she’ll give her a shot.

Audrey and I have differing views on who makes a good masseuse. I think it’s someone who looks clean, shows up on time and gives a decent massage. She thinks it’s someone who’s less attractive than her and not squeamish about hand jobs.

The runner-up Freak of the Week goes to someone who just walked in off the street and asked for a job. She goes by Nancy, but we all know her as “Trancy – the Tranny Whore.” Anyone who’s driven down South Street at night knows who I'm talking about. She was wearing a peach colored one piece swimsuit under a pair of women’s capri pants. Her sandy blonde hair was pulled up in a scrunchie. Hints of a 5 o’clock shadow were already showing on her chin.

“I hear you’re hiring, and I think you could benefit from my skills,” she said in her sort of weird falsetto voice.

Audrey said “I’m not sure if you would go over well with our customers.” I didn’t say anything – I just stared at her adams apple while she talked.

“Honey, who do you think my customers are?” (Point scored by Trancy!)

Audrey politely let her down, which ended up not being a big deal since I think Trancy is used to rejection. Oh well. She’s fun to look at, but I wouldn’t want to work with her.

On a separate note, the readers poll is moving along. So far it looks like there are more boys than girls reading this thing. But I won’t say anything more till later. Come on girls! If Hillary can stay in the race so can you!

CJ

Guys Vote Here

If you're a guy, say a little "hi" in the comments section.

Also, anyone who's ever had an erotic massage - please let me know. Wanna know if I'm preaching to the choir.

I'll go over the results in a week or so. For some reason, I suspect that there are more guys than girls reading this. You hear that girls - prove me wrong!

CJ

Girls Vote Here

If you're a girl (or just dress like one), please leave a comment here. Doesn't have to be anything - just "hi" will do.

If you're in the "Business" please let me know too. I've always been very curious as to how many colleaguesI have out there (Slutty - I've already counted you).

I'll go over the results in a week or so. But just in case, I'll leave this poll open so anyone just dropping by can cast a vote.

CJ

Readers Poll (not "pole" you pervert)

When I first got the idea to start this blog thing, it never occured to me what my audience would be - other than "anyone NOT familiar with massage parlors." But now you boys and girls have got me wondering.

So I'm going to do my first "Readers Poll." Just say hello in the comments section of either of the next 2 posts. I'm kinda curious myself as to how many women versus men are listening to all my nonsense.

When I have the results, I probably won't know what to do with them. I don't want to start worrying about whether I have to appeal to a male or female audience. In the end, I'll probably just say Fuck It, and write whatever the hell I want to anyway! LOL

CJ

Sugar Daddy Pete

Today was my first session with “Pete” – an incredibly generous man who first visited me a couple months ago. He called and made an appointment yesterday, which for some reason just made me really nervous and excited – in much the same way as a first date. I know that sounds stupid since he’s just a customer, but for some reason I feel like I need to go out of my way to be nice or impress him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always nice to customers (well – almost always except when they’re jerks, or I’m PMS’ing). Maybe it’s just people who flash too much cash around. Or perhaps it’s because I’m newly single and attention from any guy is now much more appreciated. I don’t know.

Am I babbling?

I think I just don’t know where to start. OK, let’s try it from the beginning. He came in this afternoon. I barely remembered what he looked like – it’s been 2 months. He’s in his 50’s, thin build but some definition, like he still works with his hands. Balding, but he keeps what’s left cut really short. Dark skin from being outside too much. At first glance you’d guess he was just a regular Working Joe, but if you look closely you’ll notice the Nautica shirt and Polo jeans.

Funny thing about expensive clothes nowadays – you spend a lot of money to look like you didn’t. Just look at any Abercrombie and Fitch window. Everything looks torn and faded - and I have a $90 pair of jeans to prove it! Anyways, I’ve learned throughout the years that you can learn a lot about a guy by looking at the labels of his clothes as they’re lying in a heap in the corner of my room during a session.

I tried to hide my nervousness by just doing my regular chit-chat I use on all new customers about the weather and gas prices. He seemed normal enough, but maybe a little on the quiet side. Or maybe I just wouldn’t let him get a word in. Gawd – I felt like I was in high school.

But I quieted down and let him talk during session (60 minute, G-string option). Apparently he owns a construction business in New York, but he’s building a vacation house down near the Amish country. They’ve just started work so he hopes to come by on a regular basis. He has a wife and 3 grown kids – all of which seem to be on his nerves at the moment. From what I can gather, they’re all a bunch of spoiled gold-diggers who only appreciate him for his money. He’d love to divorce the wife, but his lawyer has already warned him of how much it will cost. And the kids have already graduated college, but 2 of which still live at home. So he says he feels “stuck” in this sort of self-perpetuating bad dream.

I’ve seen this type before. They’re very generous with their money – but only when it’s not expected. He can hate his family, but lavish attention on a stranger only because they don’t expect anything from him. So I can be cool with this. I decided to just keep quiet and let the rest of the session play out to see what he wanted from me.

I purposely went a little over our time since he was obviously enjoying his erotic counseling session (remember – never watch the clock when giving the VIP treatment). Then when we got to the hand release, I went a little slower than usual so he’d have time to really enjoy it. I even used my “sexy” voice to talk him through it (this is when I lower my voice and talk slower and huskier – as opposed to my “you got 5 minutes then you’re on your own” voice). When he finally came, I didn’t stop but slowed down and just kept massaging his wilting dick with a combination of baby oil and cum.

Meanwhile I just kept purring at him with my deep voice to relax and let me finish cleaning him up. When he was all clean, I didn’t hurry out of the room, but let him sit up and enjoy the full view of The Girls from a sitting position (do I know how to charm a guy or what?). With the session now over, I knew that the single thought floating around his blood-deprived brain was “make your move!” So I took my time getting dressed and started with my pants instead of the bra. He finally managed to hop off the table and say “Thank you so much… here… I have something for you.” He then put a wad of bills on the table next to the candles.

99% of me was already counting the money. But the logical 1% said “Oh thank you!” while stuffing The Girls back in their lacy home. “I don’t know about you, but I need a cigarette.”

Well that seemed to clinch the deal. He smiled and said “I’ll join you... Can I see you when I come back this way?” Well Duh – like you have to ask. So he said I was “Special” and he’d call the Business the next time he passed through.

I said “What do you mean ‘special?’ Like you have to read to me slowly?”

He laughed, then I gave him a hug at the door. He pecked me on the cheek and said goodbye. Overall it really did feel kinda like a first date. Except for the handjob and the $600 tip.

CJ

The Best Memorial Day Weekend

Holiday weekends are hit or miss in the Business. Everyone either has time off to see us, or they’re too busy. The one exception is Thanksgiving. For some reason, that’s usually our biggest weekend of the year. Personally, I think it’s a combination of the weekend travel plus the incentive to spend spend spend for the holiday season.

Now I had been looking forward to a long weekend of nothing to do – especially since I dumped Jackass a couple months ago. Audrey closed the Business for Memorial Day, and I wasn’t scheduled to work anyway. Then my phone rang Sunday morning.

“Hey it’s Audrey. Can you cover for Trina today? Apparently she went to a BBQ yesterday and had some undercooked pork sausage…”

“You know I love working on my weekends, but you know I do choir for the 12 o’clock mass…” is what I should have said if I were a good Catholic girl. Ahhhhh fuck me. “Sure Audrey,” was all I could manage. “I need the money anyways.” Well, that bit was true.

So I trudged my tired butt into work on Sunday and ended up having the best day ever. My first customer was a college kid passing through who claimed “I’ve always been curious about these places, but never had the nerve to try.” They all say that. But I thought his nervousness was cute, so I let him slide when he ended up being $20 short for a topless. Besides, I would have sworn that he was going to be the only customer I’d see all day.

Then around noon, one of Trina’s Regulars came in. This guy Simon is really nice and didn’t realize Trina had called out. Get this – he brought in one of those disposable, instant BBQ grills – the kind you get at the convenience store. Plus hamburgers, hotdogs and a 6 pack of beer!!!! He set up right outside the back door, and we had ended up having a real picnic right there in the parking lot behind the building!

He wasn’t interested in taking a session with me, but I didn’t care since he’s fun to hang out with. Simon stayed there and hung out for the afternoon. So when the next 3 customers came in, he would just grill up more food and have it ready by the time I came back out. It was the coolest thing – I normally don’t have this much fun even when Trina is here.

Well, after he left and I got ready to close up guess who called? It was the potential Sugar Daddy that I had met over a month ago! He wanted to know what my schedule was this week!!!! Wow. In one day I got some nice customers, a great BBQ lunch, made some good $$$, and found a possible new Sugar Daddy. This was one of the best days I’ve had at work in a long time. Let’s hope my luck holds out. Time to buy a lottery ticket.

CJ

Bosses

I got an interesting comment from my last post about the perks a male boss would have in this business. I have to admit that I have worked for a guy who had to be serviced if I wanted to work for him. But let me explain first that I worked for this guy just long enough to make a few bucks before he got tired of hearing me make excuses for not putting out. Fuck him.

I had another male boss who didn’t touch the girls. All he cared about was the “Cha-Ching.” That’s probably the main difference between male and female bosses. Men want you to bring in as much money as you possibly can. Meanwhile, women bosses will try to steal as much money off you as they possibly can. Let me explain.

When a man owns a business, he wants each girl to make as much money as possible because guys usually skim off the top. This means you are always welcome to work extra hours and extra shifts. It also means turning tricks in the room. That’s why I’ve never had much success working for guys because a girl who only does hand releases isn’t going to bring in as much as one of his full-service Ho’s. This is one of the reasons why I’ve never seen a business owned by a man that wasn’t full service.

Now as far as the “perks” go, some bosses will ask for them and some won’t. If a Business is a cash cow, then some girls will put up with it because the money is good. But I will tell you right now that girls will always go towards the easiest money – so if they can earn the same across town WITHOUT having to fuck some asshole, they’ll switch businesses real quick.

What this all means to you (the consumer – LOL) is the sleazier the owner, the sleazier the business. This is because any girl with even a tiny bit of self esteem won’t work for them. I know it’s kinda odd to talk about “self esteem” in an industry built around the hand job, but even with all the perversion around – work is still work, and a job is still a job. If you hate your boss now, imagine if you also had to drop to your knees and suck his dick whenever he wanted! I may hate my boss Audrey, but at least all she does is steal my customers.

Women bosses are a whole other story. The good thing is a female boss will never ask you into her office for a blow job. The bad thing is that they’re all bitches who will rip you off in a heartbeat. Now a woman boss will usually treat you more fairly by not taking a percentage - but she’ll try to squeeze more out of the door money, and she will always screw you out of a customer every chance she gets.

The other thing about women bosses is that they’re women who are bosses. Imagine all the catiness that women usually have when they work together – now double it. I’ve never had a male boss say anything about my clothing or makeup. Now women I've worked for – whoa! They will constantly ride you about what you wear, what you eat, what you drink, who you date, what you watch, etc. etc. etc.

Ugh – now I’m all worked up. I can’t stand my boss and bitching about her didn’t help. Oh well. Hope this cleared a few things up for you guys. Have a good weekend.

CJ

The Life and Death of “Seductions Spa”

Well, the weekly rag for this weekend is out and it has our “Now Hiring” advertisement. We’ve already started getting phone calls about the job earlier this week. Luckily I have this weekend off so I don’t have to talk to any of those poor women desperate enough to work here. LOL

But that’s not what I wanted to tell you guys about. I also noticed that our most recent competitor – Seductions Spa – no longer has an ad on the back page.

Now let me explain how the advertising works for places like us. We advertise in the weekly rag, which is one of those free “entertainment” papers you find in gas stations and grocery stores. The last few pages are usually reserved for your “adult” entertainment such as strip clubs, adult bookstores, massage parlors – and in large cities – escort services. It’s back here that you’ll find ads for places like The Business. Whenever Audrey runs an ad, she always requests that it’s not in the very back – next to the strip clubs and dirty bookstores. You can usually find us somewhere between the Asian massage places and the ads for making money at home in your spare time. I mentioned in one of my first posts how to recognize the ads for massage parlors – well, we actually try to avoid looking too obvious. This is how we first noticed “Seductions Spa.”

It was about 2 months ago that we saw this ad for a new place. It stuck out like a hard prick since it featured bikini clad women and said something like “Seductions Spa – Cumming Soon!” Now why would you go and make yourself look like a whore house? I remember showing the ad to Audrey and we both had a good laugh. Do you really think cops don’t read these things?

So like we always do when we see a new business in town, we started doing our own form of “industrial espionage.” Ya gotta keep a leg up on the local competition – right? Well, the first thing we do with a new business, is to call up and see what they're paying. So I put on my most innocent voice and try their number. The conversation went something like this…

“Hello, Seductions.” It was a man’s voice. They must be brand spanking new because most first-time customers will hang up if a man answers the phone.

“Yeah hi. My name is Candy and I was wondering if you’re hiring?”

“Oh yeah?” He almost sounded surprised. “I’m Carl. I just opened the place and I’m looking for 8 girls. I got 2 already. Where you from Honey?”

I hate being called “Honey.” I made up a story about being from Philly.

“Oh that’s fine Honey. I’m paying my girls $100 a day plus you get to live in the house. Every customer you get will be $25 to the house. You can charge whatever you like in the room. Everything else is yours.”

Did he say HOUSE? He expects us to live there? This place has brothel written all over it. And he’s going to pay us $100 a day just to be there? This guy obviously has no idea what he’s doing.

I’m taking down notes while he’s talking. “Sounds great Carl! Let me get back to ya.” Carl gives me another phone number to call and an address if I want to see the place. I hung up then went over what I had written with Audrey. We had a good laugh.

I checked out his address and it turns out he’s 20 miles north of the freeway in the middle of nowhere!!! Maybe he’s thinking he won’t draw attention up in the woods, but he’s made 2 mistakes. First, those country cops have nothing better to do than check out "The New People" in places like that. Second, truckers won’t drive an hour out of their way for our type of services. Then there’s how he pays his girls. He obviously has never been in the business before because there is no way in hell he can afford 8 girls to sit on their ass'es at $100 each, unless he’s expecting 50 customers a day.

Now a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the ad for Seductions was still running, so I had one of my Regulars - Eric - call them up and see how they were doing. So after session, I handed my phone over and showed him the ad. Once again, the guy answered the phone and Eric asked about the girls.

“I’ll be honest with you… I ain’t got no one working here yet. I’m still trying to get the place together and it’s hard hiring anyone. I’m new at this.” Apparently our old buddy Carl wasn't doing too well. Eric pressed him for more info.

“Yeah I hear ya. I’m tired of the girls down here and was hoping to try something new. That’s why I called when I saw your ad.” Eric’s a great liar. He’s a traveling salesman from New York. You know those little metal pieces on the ends of garden hoses that you use to attach it to things? Well, he sells those. Eric is one of my favorite Regulars and also my personal psychiatrist. I call him a couple times a week and tell him all my problems while he gives me advice. In return I let him cum on various parts of my body during his Happy Ending. That’s his kink. I’ve jerked him off onto my breasts, ass, face, and even feet. The one thing I won’t let him have is my hair. A girls gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

So anyways – back to Carl. It turns out he used to date someone working in a massage parlor and thought he could run a place by himself with no experience. But now he was at the end of his wits (and money) and ready to give up (damn – Eric’s a good spy). That brings me back to today. The ad for Seductions is gone. This time I had Audrey call, and no one picked up. Oh well. Wherever you are Carl – good luck and adios!

One more thing Carl - leave the erotic massage to us ladies.

CJ

A Good Hand is Hard to Find

One of you guys asked why we don’t just post want ads up at the local strip clubs. Well, the short answer is no. The long answer is hell no.

But the REALLY long answer is this. Contrary to popular belief, erotic massage is more related to massage therapy than it is to stripping. To demonstrate this, I’m going to break down a typical 45 minute session into its 3 essential components.

Part 1 – Getting Naked
Part 2 – Massaging
Part 3 – Happy Ending

Part 1 is the only thing that the 2 worlds of erotic massage and stripping have in common. That part requires no skill and takes up only 1 minute of the session. A stripper may try to stretch this out to 5 minutes at the most, but any longer and the customer will complain about how he’s getting gypped out of a massage.

Part 3 requires almost no experience, and even then it can easily be satisfied with On-The-Job training. This part usually takes about 5 minutes, and even a stripper won’t try to stretch this out any further than necessary.

So that still leaves about 35 minutes for part 2 - the massage. Now anyone experienced in therapeutic massage can easily spend 35 minutes delivering a half-way decent workout to all major portions of the body including the neck, upper and lower back, legs, arms and upper chest. Meanwhile, someone with no experience can manage only 15 minutes of the typical “girlfriend” quality, neck/upper back massage before she runs out of material and energy. This is the main reason why we try not to hire strippers (or anyone with no experience for that matter).

At my last business I worked with a bunch of different strippers, and the customers always said the same thing about them – “Great to look at – lousy massage.” Another problem with strippers is that they’re not very reliable workers. Stripping tends to pay better than massaging, so we were usually the 2nd job. This meant they were always missing shifts if there were any conflicts.

So there you have it - this is why strippers make lousy erotic masseuses. If you still want to get a handjob from a stripper, I would suggest going to the Champagne room or whatever you call it at your local strip club.

If there are any current or ex-strippers reading this mess, please feel free to add your comments. No offense to any of you – this is just my experience.

CJ

Let the Pageant of Freaks Begin…

The parade started early this week. Audrey has interviewed 3 people so far. I insist on being there whenever she has someone come in since she’s such a retard when it comes to hiring. She has this habit of picking these basket cases with a sob story because she’s a sucker. She also knows that if they don’t work out, she’ll just stick them on our shifts. What a bitch.

This is why I take such an interest. Think I wanna spend 40 hours of my week with some coked up skank who’s trying to get her hands in my purse? No way.

So anyway, last Saturday Audrey brought in someone who called last week about a job. Our want ad hadn’t appeared by then, so I assume she’s just a random caller looking for work. We get like 1 or 2 calls a week. What I don’t like about them is that they’re usually just people passing through town, looking to make some quick cash. More than once I’ve had my purse emptied by some girl who’d been working for a week before she vanishes from the face of the planet.

Well the first interviewee was a real winner. A pretty girl with scraggly brown hair. She was really skinny, so in her yellow jogging suit she reminded me of a corn dog. She looked really beat, and when I took a close look at her I could tell she hadn’t even washed her face that morning. Audrey sat her down and started asking her questions. She kept slurring her words and nodding off as if she was in dire need of a cup of coffee. Everything about her screamed “junkie.”

The next girl came in Tuesday. She was a bit chunky, with really short hair – practically shaved. And one of those piercings in her eyebrows.

Let me take a break here and explain what we’re looking for. In general, massage parlors are not known for their cleanliness. At The Business, we try to look as professional as we can to make the place look legitimate, but most importantly to put our clients at ease. Customers want above all else a girl who looks clean. Anything that reminds a guy of drugs or disease – total turnoff. Things like: piercings, tattoos, bags under the eyes, scars, needle tracks, etc.

Back to Girl #2. She said she just came from a place in New York City and was moving to our neck of the woods with her boyfriend. We always check references, so we asked her the name of her previous Business. This is when she got weird. Said her last job just changed names – couldn’t remember the phone number – not sure of the address… blah blah blah.

Worked there for over a year and you can’t remember the phone number? Are you kidding me! What number did you call after you got wasted and missed 3 shifts?

Audrey was being wishy-washy about this girls lack of answers, so I just said told her we’d call 411 for the number. This is when the girl blurted “I changed my mind” and left. Adios bitch.

The last girl to come in was a fat crack-ho with a local address. As Audrey talked to her, I noticed that she kept tossing her hair and rubbing her legs. I knew something was up so I asked her what’s wrong. She said her legs hurt - another sign of a junkie. She’s either jonesing for prescription drugs or heroine. Your body hurts like that when you’re coming down off those things.

So those are this weeks winners. Ya see now why I hate interviewing? All you guys out there – feel free to forward your girlfriends/wives/sisters/moms resumes to me.

CJ

CJ is Single!

That’s right folks – I’m back on the market. I finally dumped the Jackass yesterday after a pretty horrible week of fighting. I don’t want to go into details here but let’s just say that it’s been a long time coming.

Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m lonely or depressed. In fact, I’ve totally been keeping my eyes open for a “rebound” for a couple months now. I’ve been hanging out a lot lately with an old boyfriend from high school. I think he was like the 2nd or 3rd guy I ever dated. Anyway, we never had sex – so he dumped me after a few months for not putting out. For some reason, this kinda stuck with me till this day, so I throw it in his face every chance I get.

To me, he looks like Brad Pitt (if Brad Pitt had thinning hair and always wore sneakers). So if I mention him on this thing, I’ll call him “Brad Pitt.” I’ve been in contact with him on and off since high school, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend 4 months ago we started hanging out more often. Then things really picked up over the last month when I started fighting with Jackass.

Now normally I wouldn’t be wasting all this time boring you guys with seedy details of my personal life. Remember - this blog thing is supposed to be dedicated to my “professional” stories. But the whole Brad Pitt (or BP) thing throws a monkey wrench into my separation of work and home. You see – BP knows what I do for a living.

Kinda.

I think it was after a night of 12 beers and jaeger shots that I might have said something about where I work. And him being a local and all – he said something like… “You mean that ‘Rub Club’ by the highway?” (GAWD – I hate the term Rub club!)

I vaguely remember trying to explain to him through carefully selected slurred words that it’s not what he thinks and I don’t care what he’s heard. I know for a fact that he’s never been to the Business (or not our Business anyway). So I think I was able to convince him that I do massages while in a bikini. It was the best I could come up with under the circumstances!

I’m pretty sure it worked. He actually came to the Business since then to take me out to lunch. And since our foyer looks like a regular spa (especially to men who don’t go to spas), he didn’t look twice or ask any questions. So there goes my cover story of being a shampooer.

Trina asked me what I’d do if he ever decided he wanted to surprise me as a customer. I said I didn’t want to think about it since I would probably be tempted to break every rule I have regarding customers! LOL Then she asked me what I’d do if he ever came in as one of HER customers. “Well I’d just have to castrate him” I said half-jokingly.

Is that hypocritical of me? Did I even spell that word right?

I hate the idea of going through the whole dating crap all over again. I wish there were some sort of female-equivalent to massage parlors where I could just walk in – get off with some hot guy – then walk out and not worry about diseases or whether his mom will like me. I swear – if we had those, there’d be no more need for marriage!

And don't worry guys - I'll try to stay away from my personal drama and come up with some interesting work stories for next time.

CJ

It isn't fair!

How come when they say it, it's called "advertising." But if we say it, it's called "solicitation?"

CJ

Now Hiring

I hate interviewing.

Luna’s been gone almost 2 weeks now and we still haven’t found anyone to replace her. The awful thing about hiring for a job that’s just below the law is that you can’t put up an ad that says:

HELP WANTED: Female masseuse. Clothing optional environment. Available nights and weekends. Must be people-person. Strong right arm a plus.

We prefer to rely on word of mouth nowadays. It’s just so much less complicated than interviewing dozens of strangers. In this business you get a lot of turnover anyways, so It’s not like we panic when someone leaves suddenly. What we usually do is make calls to all our “go-to” girls. These are girls that we’ve all worked with before and feel comfortable with. Chances are, there’s someone we know out there that just recently left another business or is willing to pick up a couple extra shifts here.

Notice how I didn’t say “friends?” That’s because we’d much rather work with someone reliable who annoys us, than a friend who has no clue what she’s doing and could possibly ruin things for everyone. For example… I once made the mistake of recommending a friend who was jealous of the good money I was making - and a complete moron. Turns out, as soon as she got in the room she completely forgot our rehearsed script for offering “options” (topless, nude, etc.). Instead, she was just bluntly telling customers she’d jerk them off for $$$ !!! Thank God she never had a cop!!!!!!

Some of you may be wondering why we're in such a hurry to bring in a new girl, especially since business has been slow and some of Luna's old clients are up for grabs. Well, it's pretty much the same reason why no one else likes being short a person. It's bad enough doing this shit for 5 days a week - imagine having to do it for 7... AND those 2 extra days are with your boss who you can't stand!!! THAT is why I welcome anyone nuts enough to work here.

Anyway, Trina, Audrey and I have been calling around for over a week now without much luck, so we finally put an ad in the local weekly rag. It’s subtle. It’s just our regular ad for a “relaxing massage” with an extra “Now Hiring” added at the end. Anyone remotely familiar with the massage industry will know what we’re expecting.

Now the problem isn’t in lack of applicants - The problem is the total avalanche of applicants. And I’m not talking about a room full of clean cut college graduates in dapper little business suits carrying leather brief cases. I’m taking about a total freak show straight out of the Trailer Park from Hell. We can expect to see: burnouts, punk rockers, trailer trash, goth chicks, drunks, hippie chicks, ex-hookers, current hookers, runaways, homeless chicks, Narcs, ex-strippers…and druggies.

Lots of druggies.

Any job that pays in cash always attracts the druggies. Now don’t get me wrong – I’ll be the first person to admit that I’ve inhaled a couple of times in my life. But I’m talking about the hardcore snorters and shooters. I’ve worked with more than a few in this business, and I can’t stand them. They smell, they steal, and they lie. I know drug addiction is a terrible thing. You don’t have to remind me since I’ve seen it personally – but that doesn’t mean I have to like working with them.

Massage businesses never drug test since that would be like looking for a Chin in Chinatown. So believe it or not, we rely a lot on references. Any girl comes in claiming she worked at another business – we call and verify. Even though we're competitors, Other Businesses have a vested interest in flushing out the thiefs and Narcs.

So let the Parade of Freaks begin! And if any of you guys know any girls who are attractive, honest, intelligent, interesting and clean who are willing to jerk guys off for cash - drop me a line. Tell them it's a good way to meet people and the hours are good.

CJ

Freak of the Week - Tony and Tina

This has been another freaky week for me. Between Luna getting canned and men problems, I don’t know what to make of it. Luckily today was freaky in a good way. So let’s get to the latest installment of… Freak of the Week!

I got a visit from one of my all time favorite customers. This is a guy who’s been coming here for years. And let me start off by saying he’s one of the sweetest, nicest clients I’ve ever had. He used to come in every couple of months, but I haven’t seen him in a while.

Anyway, “Tony” as I call him, always comes in looking the same – a short, clean-cut middle aged guy in standard business shirt, tie and slacks. I guess you’d say he looks like an insurance salesman, which is funny because he is an insurance salesman! LOL

I practically jumped out of my seat when I saw him today. I gave him a big hug and we exchanged some quick gossip before I led him into my session room. His routine is pretty much ritual after all these years, so I don’t even need to ask him what he wants. I tell him to get comfortable, then I leave the room. As I’m leaving, I check my watch and note that I don’t need to return for 20 minutes. So I take my time booking him in and just sort of dawdle around till it’s OK for me to return.

Exactly 20 minutes later, I knock on the door and he tells me to enter. I walk in and Tony is gone. Standing before me is “Tina.” Tina is a flawlessly made up woman – complete with makeup, black high heels, thigh-high stockings, garter, short red skirt, conservative white blouse, black bra and panties, and a long expensive wig of dark brown hair.

“Hi Tina!” I said. “I’ve missed you!”

Tina smiles back, “I missed you too! It’s been so long.”

“The usual?” I ask.

“Oh, of course,” she answers. Tina’s voice is slightly higher in pitch than Tony’s. Now let me explain here that Tony is not gay. And I think his wife would agree! He’s definitely only attracted to women, but his thing is that he really gets off when he’s dressed like a woman. I think they call that a transvestite – correct me if I’m wrong. Anyway, he says that he feels “soft” when he’s all dolled up and that he feels like he can better relate to women that way.

Tina’s sessions are unique (to say the least). He always gets the mutual massage, so I tell him to lie down on his back and relax (I’m just going to call Tina “him” from now on since it gets confusing switching back and forth). I take my Gap T-shirt off, then my jeans, but I leave my Victoria’s Secret G-string and bra on. With him on his back, I start running my hands up and down his arms.

“You look so pretty today Tina. I love your new blouse.”

“Thanks CJ. I got it on sale at Macys.”

One of the things I have to do is tell Tina all during the session how pretty he is. That really turns him on. Now I have to tell him that he’s “pretty” and not “hot.” He prefers to keep the talk very sweet and sincere. I guess you could say Tina is a lady and not a tramp. LOL

I always start off each session by slowly taking his blouse off while I’m laying on the flattery. When I’ve unbuttoned it completely, he sits up and helps me remove it. Then I start to gently massage his “tits” through the black bra (it’s always black). The bra isn’t padded or anything, so he actually gets a decent massage of his pectorals. I should note too, that he doesn’t touch me during this. He just lies there and softly moans every now and then.

Next the high heels, stockings and skirt come off and he flips over onto his stomach. I work his back and legs in more or less a therapeutic kind of way, but I’m still complimenting him on his looks the entire time. When I finish the legs, I tell him it’s my turn and we switch places.

I take off my bra, but leave the G-string on. He likes to start off with a quick, but thorough massage of my back and legs, but I know he can’t wait for me to flip over. His massages are always very gentle and sensual – especially when it comes to my breasts. He’ll sometimes spend a good portion of his session just on them!

So I roll over on to my back, and he climbs up on the table and straddles my hips while he’s still in panties and bra. He puts some warm oil on his hands and starts to slowly massage my tits, running his hands in large, gentle circles around each of them. I have to confess that I love this part. This is one of the few decent perks of my job – the occasional, fabulous, relaxing breast massage. Most guys just want to squeeze them and pinch the nipples (Gawd I hate that). Anyway, for what felt like an eternity (yet still too short in my opinion), he caressed me very gently – first one way; then the other. I'm loving it – I just have to lie there and throw in the occasional “… you’re soooo pretty…” every now and then.

I’m not even looking at the clock at this point. I don’t have to – he ends my massage by cupping each one of my breasts with his warm oily hands and says with a smile “I think we’re almost done.” This is my cue that it’s time for his happy ending. We always finish with a breast release, and it’s done in a very specific way. I stay on my back and he moves up and straddles my stomach. With the panties still on, he pulls out his already hard cock through the sides of the panties (it’s usually hard and poking out during the breast massage anyway). He adds more hot oil to his hands and lubes himself up, then he places his dick right between my already oily tits.

Let me explain now that in all the years he’s been coming to me, I have never touched his cock. Not once. It’s part of his kink I guess. Tony once told me that he has a group of friends that share his fetish. Every once in a while, they’ll all get together at one of their houses and hire a stripper. They’ll dress up in their finest women’s clothing and sit around in a circle with the stripper in the middle. Then they’ll watch her dance while jerking themselves off.

So Tony’s cock is now resting between my oiled up breasts. I make it a point to keep my hands dry for a breast release since it provides me with more control over The Girls. I can now hold them up and push them slightly together to gently wrap his cock. Tony starts to slowly pump in and out of my oily cleavage. With my hands dry, I can control the tightness that I’m wrapped around him. His cock is big enough to stay in there and not slip out. When my hands get all oily, the best I can manage is to just push The Girls together, let the guy do all the work, and hope for the best.

“How pretty am I?” Tony manages between moans. His eyes are closed and I can tell he’s getting close.

“You’re the prettiest girl Tina… I love how pretty you are…”

He always gives out this little grunt before he cums, so I have enough time to sit up slightly and release his cock from the warm folds of my cleavage. He grabs his cock with one hand and jerks himself off onto my left breast. I let him catch his breath and enjoy the view of his little mess before I ask if I can clean myself up (guys just love to marvel over anything they cum on, so I try to indulge them). He gives me a throaty “Thank you!” before un-straddling me. I wipe myself up with the table sheet, then hop down.

Since I don’t have to clean him up too, I just wipe up with a soapy towel. He won’t change his clothes in front of me, so I quickly throw mine back on and tell him to take his time. Then I make my way outside and leave him alone in the room. About 15 minutes (and 1 cigarette) later, “Tony” walks out of the room – a short, well dressed insurance salesman with a gray shirt and red tie. “Tina” is now carefully packed away inside a small leather brief case. I give him another hug and tell him not to be a stranger. He says “Thanks again!” and leaves. It’s a shame Tina can’t come out and play more often. Oh well.

CJ

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Good Riddance Luna

Hey guys – it’s been another weird week. I was gonna talk about an extra special Freak of the Week, but the big news instead is that Luna got fired. It was just a matter of time. We’ve all suspected her of stealing from each of us plus the business, but Audrey actually caught her stealing from the cashbox last week. I don’t feel too bad about seeing her go since I also had money missing from my purse recently.

Still, it’s a shame since I’ve been working with her for half a year now and she was struggling to pay her bills just like the rest of us. But stealing from your co-workers is really not cool.

The good news is that business in general is finally starting to pick up. I can’t explain why, but we’ve been getting a lot of new customers lately. That’s fine by me since it gives me a chance to gain a new Regular. Plus, new customers tend to be more free with their money since they don’t know what to expect yet.

Now one of the interesting things about Luna being gone is that we’re starting to realize just how many Regulars she had. Boy – she was a lot more popular than we thought! I wouldn’t be surprised if she was letting guys do stuff to her in the room (I mean – she is an ex-hooker you know). Times have been tough, and you gotta do what you gotta do. Heck – even Trina has started letting guys finger her for $100. Ewwwwwww.

Apparently, Trina has started offering the option to finger her to new customers. The way she explained it to me was that new customers were safer than Regulars, because chances are you’re never going to see them again; whereas Regulars can’t be trusted with a secret, and it’ll get back to Audrey pretty quick. I can see where she’s coming from because I’ve gotten some of my best dirt from Audrey’s Regulars. But I warned Trina that if a new customer comes back, there’s a good chance he’ll mention the fingering option to the next girl he gets. Oh well.

Yours truly has not yet resorted to letting guys finger me. I’ve had to tighten my belt too, but lately I’ve been letting my ex-boyfriend from Jr. High School spend money on me! But that’s another story for later…

Audrey is also starting to feel the impact of Luna. Just this past week, she’s been getting these guys who come in and ask for Luna. Then as Audrey explains that Luna’s no longer with us, but she’s available – they just turn around and walk out! Now she knows how we all feel when her skanky Regulars come in looking for Full-Service. Sucks, doesn’t it bitch?

Now in memory of Luna, I will leave you all with one of my favorite Luna stories…

Luna was a big fan of the (as I like to call it) Slutty MILF look. Just imagine a bleach blonde girl with the big hair and heavy eye makeup of the 80’s – now age her 30 years. That’s Luna. We all agreed that the giant hairdo of hers wasn’t doing her any favors. So anyways – one day she wraps up a session with one of her Regulars and comes out of the room. She goes back and washes her hands in the kitchen sink, then walks into the break room. Let me point out that the session rooms are always kept dark, but it’s nice and bright where we are. Well, she starts talking about something or other, when we notice something shining on the top of her tall hairdo. Trina kicks my foot and motions for me to look at her hair.

On top of that fluffy, hairsprayed, blonde mess, there was a gob of semen – about an inch long – hanging from her topmost strands of hair. And it’s just waving and flapping and jiggling with every jerk of her head! And the best part is she can’t see it because her hair was soooooo tall, that it was completely out of her line of sight. So we’re just sitting there staring at her hair. I’m sure she was saying something important, but we were both completely mesmerized by that shining string of jizz. Even now, I’m shocked that she didn’t notice the dumb stares on our faces.

Well, being the loving, caring people that we are, Trina and I didn’t say a word and just nodded and agreed with whatever she was saying. I don’t remember if she had any more customers that day, but we kept our mouths shut and didn’t have a real good laugh until after she went home. For all I know, she could have gone out grocery shopping with that little token of love dangling for all to see.

I know I’m going to Hell for that one, but it was sooooooo worth it.

CJ