Merry Christmas!!!

My first official act as "co-manager" of The Business was to start looking again to hire another girl. My first un-official act was to bring Cindy out of retirement and help me out for the holidays.

You heard right guys - your favorite slutty, discount, masseuse is back for a limited time, so take advantage of this exclusive opportunity to get full service at half-service prices. And yes - she does know about the blog but I don't think she'll read it any time soon. She hocked her laptop to buy weed a looooong time ago.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. She needed the work, and I needed the help. Damned if Trina and I are going to cover 80 hours worth of shifts a week all by ourselves. AND at Christmas time. The real problem is hiding her from Maude so Audrey doesn't know. So she's basically been helping out with the night and weekend shifts for about 2 weeks now.

The pros are better shift coverage, help with nightly cleanup, and the ability to offer "Doubles" again (for newbies, doubles are 2 girls at one time). Cindy is great for doubles because she's more willing to take care of the cock, while I take care of everything else. And lastly, it's nice to just hang out with her just like in the old days.

The cons are I have to sneak her in, and I give up half my customers if the night is slow. And lastly, I'm stuck hanging out with her for hours on end. I mean, how many different ways are there to say that your baby-daddy is an asshole? I get it - he's a jerk. And after 4 straight hours of hearing about it, I want to find him myself and cut him up into small pieces with a rusty axe then hide the pieces in a series of hermetically sealed mayonaise jars buried behind a gas station.

I guess what I'm trying to say is Merry Christmas!

CJ

Back To Work

It's a relief and it's awkward at the same time. What's nice is having a 40 hour schedule again. I can set my alarm clock. I know where I'm going to be every day now. And I don't have to lie to Derek anymore about my whereabouts. I can honestly look him in the eye and say "I am going to work."

The awkward part is coming back under less than ideal circumstances. I left for a reason and now I have to wonder if it's just a matter of time before things get fucked up again. But in the meantime I need to fix the train wreck that The Business has become since I've been gone.

Just like me they were relying on Regulars for a while. Trina said she'd take appointments at The Business, but for the most part there was no other reason to be in the building. She would just wait for either a customer or Maude to call. Most people who just showed up at the door were turned away by Maude. According to Trina, she was seeing about 10 - 15 customers a week this way.

But something about her story didn't add up. 10 sessions would be about $500 a week to Audrey, or $2000 a month. That couldn't possibly pay for Maude's salary, let alone monthly rent and utilities for The Business. So where did Audrey get all the money to keep the doors open AND pay for refurbishing the place? There's only one way - Audrey had to have come out of retirement.

So after a couple days of pestering Maude about what's REALLY been going on around here in my little absence, she confessed that Audrey had in fact been showing up "every now and then" to pick up some sessions. Honestly, I don't know how that girl does it. I thought she already had a full time job so I don't know where she got the energy to do that then run on over to her night job and earn enough money to keep The Business afloat. AND she was doing that while trying to avoid the cops that she knew were watching the place.

Phew.

I kinda guessed that waaaaay before the topic of me coming back to work ever came up in conversation. Not that it's really that big a deal to me. I'm coming back with most of the Regulars I kept during my time as an independent. Plus now I can pick up the occasional walk-in. We're still worried about anyone staking us out, so we screen the walk-ins more than usual.

My Regulars for the most part are happy I went back because it gives them a safe place to see me instead of their homes or hotel rooms. BUT... I'm still keeping a few Regulars on the side who don't need to come here. These are guys I trust more than usual, and don't mind seeing them outside The Business. There are just some bridges I don't want to burn just yet...

And on a side note, Maude is happy that "her girls" are back. In fact, she's already decorated for Christmas. She did it 2 days after my return. Got a tree, and everything. I wonder if she'd be interested in doing a Secret Santa with Trina and me?

CJ

I'm Back

Literally and literally (get it?). I started back at the Business just after Thanksgiving. Turns out they had been all but shut down for a couple months now. I knew what I was getting into since Trina kept me up to date on what was going on ever since I left. But my return isn't what's interesting - it's why I left in the first place.

For those of you who are new here, you can catch up on all the drama starting here. But to truly understand why I walked out in the first place, you gotta remember what bullshit I was up to the moment it happened. So start reading here. It's OK... I'll wait.

Done? OK... Basically the reason why I quit back in July is because I take my job waaaaaaaaay too seriously. I mean for a girl who gives handjobs for a living, it's really hard to do. You really have to try to pretend that any of this nonsense matters and that 40 hours of your week actually mean something. Let me explain.

I spent weeks looking for a girl to replace Cindy AND Audrey (remember them?). I mean, we lost 2 girls over the past 2 years and ran The Business without them. Audrey was a real loss even though I still think she's a lying, cheating, scumbag bitch. The problem is that she's a workaholic lying, cheating, scumbag bitch. So I knew replacing her was gonna be hard.

I ended up interviewing, I don't know - dozens of losers before narrowing it down to 2 girls who I thought might actually fit in. My main concern was personality fit, massage experience, customer appeal, and NO DRUGGIES. I'm not exaggerating when I say it took a couple months before I found some girls I actually liked. If I remember correctly, I think one was a plain girl with lots of therapeutic experience, and the other one had the right attitude, but no experience other than taking her clothes off in front of strangers.

Now remember, I'm interviewing for the position of Erotic Masseuse at a tiny massage parlor in backwater PA. It's not exactly Chief of Medicine in a big hospital. But like I said, I take my job waaaaaay too seriously. So imagine how I felt when Audrey called me up and said she hired a girl who was starting the next day.

Well first off, I was absolutely pissed off that she completely ignored all the work I put into this and stuck us with a total stranger. But it turned out that was just the start of the problems. When the girl (we'll call her Britney) showed up, she was pretty much the exact opposite of everything I wanted in a co-worker.

To put it in a nutshell, Audrey hired a meth addict that owed her money. End of story.

I guess she figured that if she actually gave this skank a job, then she'd be able to eventually pay her back. Look - I don't know anything about the drama that goes on around Audrey. Shit - I don't want to know the drama. But now I was in the middle of it, and that was why I walked out one bright and sunny day last summer.

Now to be fair, the term "skank" was of my choosing. Britney may have been quite virtuous for all I knew. But I do recognize a fucking tweaker when I see one. I mean Britney had bags under her eyes, needle tracks, and missing teeth. I don't know what customer in his right mind would look at her and say "I want HER - open sores are sexy...." I mean it was THAT bad.

So I left. In my mind, if I was going to hang on to any remaining shred of dignity that I had, there was no choice. It's not every day that your boss basically tells you that your job can be done by a fucking meth addict.

Turns out I was right. Shortly after I left, Trina said things starting "missing" around The Business. Then Trina said she had cash stolen out of her purse. Next Maude noticed the deposit wasn't balancing at the end of the night. And that was just the start...

The clientele started to change. A whole new crop of customers started showing up just to see Britney. In most cases it's fine and dandy to have your own Regulars, but according to Trina, these guys were just bad news. When you've been in the business as long as we have, you know what a customer looks like. Trina said guys were coming in for 15, 10 - even 5 minutes at a time. Sometimes Britney would take 2 guys "in session."

Of course it was all total bullshit, but she was bringing in customers and Audrey was making money, so she turned a blind eye to it. Then sometime in October, Britney was arrested on drug charges. NOT in The Business thank goodness. Finally Audrey woke up and realized that she was just a plea deal away from having The Business raided, everything seized as evidence and her going to jail. For all intents and purposes she closed up shop for a month. Trina said she was only seeing Regulars by appointment.

But I have to give it to Audrey - she can be pretty damn smart when she needs to. She didn't tell her sister to skip town for a couple months. Maude didn't go home - in fact she did the opposite. She stayed at work on a regular basis and gave the illusion that we were still a real salon. A salon without customers, but a legitimate business just the same. Audrey told Maude to supervise a "makeover" of the place. During the couple of months they were shut down, The Business got a fresh coat of paint, some needed maintenance, new carpeting, and even some new furniture. She just spaced it out very slowly over 2 months. Apparently Maude showed up every day to make sure everything went smoothly. Most days she sat there at work all by herself. Now THAT is a trooper.

And that's pretty much what happened while I was gone. But now I'm back and the goal is to rebuild our customer base. One of the conditions for me returning isn't just to hire a new girl or 2. I now have this sort of limited "partnership" I guess you'd call it. I get first say in some of the management aspects, and Maude is supposed to have the rest. Audrey will now be a "silent" partner. She still owns it, and collects the profits, but no more meddling in how it's run. What this may eventually lead to is me buying her out in a couple years. We'll see.

Now go ahead - tell me I'm crazy. I'm just happy at this point to have a regular 40-hour work week again.

CJ

I'm Back. (Maybe)

Audrey called me today.

And she called yesterday. In fact she's been calling a lot lately. I think it's because she's convinced she's wearing me down and may get me to come back to The Business soon.

She may be right. We've actually been "talking" for several months now, but most of it was just trivial chit chat. When I first stormed out of work in what seems like an eternity ago, I absolutely wanted nothing to do with her, and wouldn't pick up any of her calls.

But after a few months when I had gotten over it, we started chatting again. We both figured out the secret was to totally NOT discuss anything to do with work. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with Audrey. She may be a two-faced, lying, cheating, and stealing whore - BUT she's a very friendly and interesting two-faced, lying, cheating and stealing whore.

Keep in mind that I've known this woman for my entire career in erotic massage. It's not easy to just say I'm never going to speak to someone, but it is easy to say I'm never setting foot in that door again. In fact, I've said that many a time - and often in a very loud and slightly screechy voice too. So continuing to talk to Audrey every now and then was never really a big deal to me.

Now to you guys out there, it's a different story. I would be lying if I didn't think talking about her would make me sound hypocritical or whatever. That's why I never brought it up till now. I knew some of you would give me shit for being weak and not sticking to my guns, etc. So that's why I've finally decided to confess it now.

And partly because I've been thinking seriously about going back to work for her. The little "problem" that resulted in me walking out has been gone for a long time now. Audrey learned her lesson and I made my point. This also means that I can finally get around to explaining why I left The Business.

But I think I'll save that story for after Thanksgiving dinner. Right now let me just admit that going independent was pretty damn rough on all aspects of my life. My schedule was unpredictable. The money was either feast or famine. A couple of times I feared for my safety because of the customer, or just the location. And a big reason was probably the slow erosion of my personal boundaries and self esteem. After all this time on my own, I started to feel less and less like a masseuse and more like a whore.

Well maybe not so much a whore as whore-light. But either way, it got to the point where I absolutely dreaded each new appointment. I mean at first, it was fun. I felt liberated. I felt free. I loved the feeling of knowing that I could now do whatever I wanted and live by MY rules instead of Audrey's. But eventually it degenerated into a daily struggle over how much of my self-respect will I auction off today.

The first appointments on my own were actually really fun for me. No clock watching. No reason to be hush-hush. No worrying about getting caught by Audrey bending a rule.

By the time I had my little breakdown, each session felt like torture. No you can't put that there. Get that out of my eye. Are you through yet? You're getting too rough. That hurts. Suddenly I wanted a clock to watch. I wanted these guys to settle down. I wanted someone elses "rules" I could hide behind. To put it quite plainly, I wanted The Business back.

And I think Audrey figured it out during the course of our occasional telephone calls. So she eventually asked if I wanted to come back, and I told her I'd think about it. I mean, it's hardly a done deal. There are a LOT of changes that need to be made first before I'll come back. But we'll see. I know Trina misses me.

But mostly I want to come back because of the hours. You try meeting a customer on his back porch at exactly 7:55 a.m. after parking your car 2 blocks away behind the Taco Bell. That got old real quick.

CJ

The Tale of the Naughty Nurse

One of my best friends is a nurse we'll call Eve. She's in my "inner circle" and kinda knows what I do for a living. Now when I say "kinda" it's because she knows about the happy ending part, but not much more. I think she's under the impression that I do it in a bikini, and occasionally topless. I've never bothered to correct her because she's really the kind who's not interested in all the sorded details. In fact, when we do talk, it's usually about her, or the husband, or the dog, or the nursing job, or whatever.

So a couple months ago we're talking about how crappy our careers are and how the economy sucks and how she wishes she was earning way more money. Then somehow the conversation turned to me...

"Oh I only wish I made your kind of money," Eve said. "$500 for an hours work. I can only imagine."

I looked at her funny and tried to correct her. "Uhhhh... I don't make THAT kind of money. I mean maybe once there was a guy who..."

"You are sooooooooo lucky dear!" she interrupted. "I wish I could just shake my tits for a few minutes and have guys pay me like that." (I think I grinded me teeth over that) "But it's that handjob thing that gets me. I mean, I don't know how you can do it. I mean with a stranger or whatever. Eww."

I knew where this was going because we had little discussions like this before. So I didn't stop her.

"What I would really like to do is be a dominatrix."

Now THAT was the last thing I ever expected out of her mouth. In fact, I made her repeat it.

"Yes, you heard me right. I want to spank rich guys and have them pay me $500 an hour." Then she kinda looked dreamy when she added "I'd look sexy in a little leather teddy and high heels... Oh yeah..."

I didn't even know where to start with her on this one. I mean, she's led such a sheltered life that her entire knowledge of domination is probably from bad Lifetime movies. So should I correct her on the $500 an hour, or maybe start with the outfit? Heels are awful when you need to leverage a tied up body around. And leather stains too easily from bodily fluids - latex is easier to clean and much more durable...

"CJ... Are you listening to me? Can you hook me up with some of your rich friends?" She used her fingers to make quotation signs when she said "friends." I didn't mind because I'm sure she would have said "Johns" otherwise.

I took a deep breath. Eve really exasperates me sometimes. Anyway, I've told you guys about my friend Wanda. She's not just a professional domme, it's a total lifestyle. Heck - she had her own live-in slave!!!

[Which by the way, is not what you think... her slave wasn't a leather clad mute from Pulp Fiction. She was actually a very nice girl who basically did whatever Wanda told her - which consisted mostly of household chores, maintaining a job and taking care of her own finances. Sorry guys - no wild sex stories involving leather teddy's and whips here.]

So needless to say, I tried to discourage Eve. First off, I had no intention of setting her up with ANY of my Regulars. And second, I really doubted she could learn anything from my friend Wanda. And third, Wanda probably wants nothing to do with a girl who thinks domination is nothing more than sticking your very expensive high heels into the crotch of a rich business man.

Either Eve wasn't listening to me, or she had her mind set - I don't know. But she still talks about how she's gonna make that move from nurse to dominatrix. I suggested she transition slowly into the world of domination/submission, like maybe through customer service or telemarketing. You know what her idea of "research" was? Buying a collar at the local adult boutique.

"Uh Eve... You know a domme wouldn't wear that, right?"

"But it looks so hot on me!"

If she only knew.

CJ

How 'bout them Eagles?

I'm not sure when this place turned into a total discussion about infidelity, but somehow it has. I blame myself because this is what happens when I keep my mouth shut and don't write as often as I should. So in a way, you guys picked the topic.

Now I've stated quite clearly how I feel about infidelity, and I don't know if there's anything more I can say on the subject. Yes, I believe that what I do is not cheating on my significant other. But I do consider it cheating if he saw an erotic masseuse. I don't consider that hypocritical, because it's my definition and it works for me. And what works for me is my own business, and probably doesn't work for most people. I never said it would.

And for those of you who are 100% positive on how the world works and how I should be defined, you can go fuck yourselves.

Let's face it, to do what I do for a living you have to a have a slightly twisted take on what is "normal." And when you think about it, it's really no different than what the rest of us do with our lives. For example, one of my best friends is a nurse and what's "normal" for her is for people to die. I don't know about you guys, but when I think about it - it's totally fucked up that a dead body can be a normal part of your work day.

On the flip side of that, she thinks that taking off your clothes and giving a total stranger a handjob is fucked up. Go figure. What she considers insane, I call my 2 o'clock. And the same thing goes for everyone out there reading this. If you worked in McDonald's, your "normality" would revolve around fried kangaroo meat and shit stained bathrooms.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need to keep an open mind around here. My purpose in telling you people all about the wackiness in my life is just to entertain and educate. I give men massages followed by a happy ending, and each week I write about how I delivered my latest one. And that's pretty much it. So I'm still kinda surprised when someone out there gets shocked by anything I have to say.

In other words, if you don't like stories with a happy ending, you're in the wrong place. And that's all I have to say on that. I promise to get back to some stories next time. In fact, I have something funny to say about my nurse friend.

CJ

And Even More Answers...

When I offered you guys to ask whatever you wanted, I wasn't expecting what happened. Apparently, the comments section became a whole discussion on infidelity and the role I may or may not play in it. For those of you who don't normally read the comments, I strongly suggest you read the section here.

I'm not going to repeat the whole thing here, but some very interesting points are brought up. I suggest you read the comments there before catching up here. Now this subject is something that I can't do justice to in a single post, so I may address this more seriously later. But for now, I'll just continue with the questions so I can finally catch up...

Anonymous said...
Well I hate to admit I became the VICTIM of a cheating husband who visited parlors. Let me be clear and say we've always had a great marriage and super sex. Basically anyway he wanted it anytime, anywhere. So imagine my surprise when I discovered his visits to these places. My anger, hurt and ultimately devastation led me to look up and search for where these places were in my area and how many and I discovered your blog. I gotta say I am shocked at your nonchalanonce about this and your commenters defending you by saying if the wives kept there husbands happy they wouldn't look for this. What about the wives at home working their fingers to the bone to keep happy house happy kids and happy very happy husband? Why are some of you ignoring te fact that this is illegal, immoral and devastating to families especially te children who lose their fathers? Why are you CJ proud and blatantly so non caring about the families that are destroyed? I don't know you and by no means want to direct my anger towards you because the fault lies mostly w the husbands but explain to me why this is ok to you. My words are gonna be harsh but this is prostitution, end if story. Ok your not having sex w them but their climaxing between your fucking tits and ass? Something thyself supposed to be reserved for the great wives who give their husbands everything they need n want sexually. Don't you feel bad at all? Moneys one thing but what about the devastation you cause once your finished wiping what number 10 of the days jiz off ur face? What about the wife who is at home with a hot meal waiting for him and a blowjob to boot... On the dick that was just up ur ass? No guilt? No feelings of hey, I wouldn't want to be his wife and what would I do if I was... Again I don't know you personally and as you can probably tell am a writer also, which can I add it you are a fantastic writer.. It wasn't so much your stories that dragged me in but your writing. Anyway, I don't know you personally but what goes around comes around. Your going to fall in love, head over heels, your gonna settle down give up this horrible job you do have children and one day look at your husbands credit card and see a parlor on there. Maybe worse- catch him with a GF or a hooker. What then CJ? How will u feel CJ when u hav to explain to your crushed children that daddies not coming home bc he broke a promise to mommy and broke her heart. Just food for thought, I hope I did my best in not making this against you but more of a hey help me out with this. Help me understand. I'll look for a reply for I guess a little while, I hope I see one from you women to women. Thanks for your time and I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on my worst enemy. Maybe the next time you have some guys dick in your face in his wives bedroom, looking at his kids pictures you'll think of me and the broken families this leaves. :(

I have talked about this subject before and my thoughst on this have not changed. So let me state once again that I regard the use of my services by married men as cheating. Period. Even though what takes place in session is pretty much mechanical and does not include any emotions, it doesn't change the fact that vows have been broken.

So why do I see so many married men as clients? It's one of the ugly sides of the business, and perhaps the worst thing about it to me. And if I had my way, I wouldn't see any married customers at all. But fact of the matter is I can't screen them all out, and they make up most of my income. I'm not proud of it, and sometimes I'll tell the guys what I think. But it's bad for business and what I do is business. I like to think of it as the guy at the gas station that sells cigarettes. It's a dirty nasty habit that kills people, but he sells it anyway.

This is one of the reasons why I won't date a customer. It's hard to respect a guy who goes to someone like me for a handjob. If I discovered that Derek had been to an Asian massage parlor, I would consider that cheating on me and I'd probably dump him. Is that hypocritical of me? Maybe. I just know that the man I'm with isn't allowed to see other women - and that includes handjobs. Shit - I don't like it when Derek goes to a strip club with his friends.

So to you, the disrespected wife, I say that I do think of the wives and the families and the kids. And I feel bad about what your husband is doing. It's cheating and it's disrespectful. And I am fully aware that the price of each and every happy ending may include divorce if he's caught. But at the end of every day, it's not my marriage or vows that have been broken. And that's what I need to accept if I'm going to go to work every day. Am I a cheating enabler? Yes. I know and accept that. And yes it sucks and makes me feel like crap sometimes.

Now before you crucify me for being a lying, cheating harlot, how many of you out there are in sucky jobs doing things for people that you don't agree with? Does your store sell cigarettes or booze? Is your boss a thief? Does your company do shady shit? It all boils down to what do we need to do to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads. And when I think about it, I don't think I've ever called myself a paragon of virtue or even a role model.

Anonymous said...
What would you say is the averaged size penis.

About 6 inches. Based on empirical evidence. A LOT of empirical evidence.


Anonymous said...
Look, I have no problem that you choose to be a prostitute for a living, however, I am a real massage therapist that HATES it when I have to jump through hoops to prove that I am not a prostitute because of how you market yourself (as a massage therapist instead of a prostitue). It should be completely separate verbage as to what you call your profession than trying to pull off a true massage therapist that is in this profession to heal people. You are the type that makes it really hard for us to gain a reputable name and living. Do us a favor and go get a porn license and stop marketing yourself as a massage therapist. I am having to go infront of a city counsel next week to prove I am a real therapist so I can open a wellness store. Thanks for making my profession so damn hard.

I'm not sure what your question is, but I believe me when I say I understand your sentiment. You think you have it tough. Try explaining to a customer that you'll jerk his dick, but you absolutely refuse to suck it. I blame those fucking whore houses for giving massage parlors a bad name.


Anonymous said...
HAY CJ I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT YOUR DAD CHEATING ON YOUR MOM WITH SOME SKANKY HO LIKE URSELF. IS IT HARD TO LIE TO YOURSELF ABOUT NOT BEING A SELF CENTERED PIG HO OR IS IT MORE OF A MASOCHISTIC THING WHERE U THINK U DESERVE IT? ALSO CONGRATS ON FINDING YOUR TRUE USE IN SOCIETY-ACTING HOW YOUR PAID TO ACT SO I CAN JIZZ

No not really. They got divorced when I was baby, so I don't think about what he did or what he's up to now. But thank you for the question!

And I think that ends it for Q&A 6. This got way more intense that I thought it could.

CJ

Answers 6 - Part 1

Damn you guys ask a lot of questions. But I guess I can only blame myself for not talking to you guys sooner. So I'll get as far as I can now and answer the rest later.

1) Why did you leave the business?

Long story, and one that I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with telling. In fact, telling it is part of the "Therapy" that Velma prescribed for me.

2) How do you keep what you do from derek? Most guys like to visit at work, etc.
Since going independent, it's been a non-issue. I've been telling him that I've been doing in-home hair and massage for my mom's friends. I think he's been laying off with any questions because he knows it's a touchy subject.

3) Is Derek still wanting you to get married?
LOL - It was kinda meant as a joke, so it's died down a bit now that I'm making money again.

With what you do being so lucrative, why don't you ever seem to have any money?
It depends on how many customers you can see on a regular basis that determines how steady your income is. Sure, I may get the occasional $500 session, but if it's only once a month, then it suddenly doesn't sound so great. When I was still back at The Business, I could count on a steady stream of $100 topless sessions on a daily basis.

And another thing - I may be earning way less money now, but I'm not exactly broke. I absolutely positively refuse to touch what I have in savings. In my mind, that money is meant to keep me afloat when I'm ready to retire my massage table. So digging into it in this time of my life has always been a sign of failure. As long as it's there and untouched, I know that I'll be OK. And let me tell you, I came pretty damn close to cashing it in a few times recently...

1. You mentioned hitting rock bottom in an earlier post and receiving needed therapy from your friend Velma. What did you confess to her of doing to clients or letting be done to you?
I knew you guys would get around to asking this and I've been preparing myself mentally to answer it. To be blunt, I let a customer finger fuck me. It fucked with my head in ways I didn't expect and couldn't explain. At that point, I had never felt so ashamed of anything I've ever done before - and that's saying a lot for a girl who's done double customers, facials, submission, etc.

That other stuff was just fun in comparison - this was just plain outright whoring. That's when I stopped writing, stopped talking to friends, almost broke up with Derek, and thought of emptying my savings account. It was really that bad for me, and served as my wake up moment to start turning things around.

How old are you, really?Early 30's now. I think I was 28 or 29 when I started this damn blog thing.

Please comment on the differences in ejaculations between older and younger men.
More volume and distance with younger guys.

Did I promise to answer everything or what?

How much are you charging and how does it compare with what people paid at the business? Are you typically getting tips on top of your fee?
I'm not so much getting tips as I am charging a flat fee. My customers now are all Regulars, so we've pretty much already established how much per session.

On average I'm making more per customer than I did at The Business, but that's because these are guys who know what they want and have the ability to see me regularly. However, I'm waaaaaay less busy than I was before.

Congratulations CJ on gaining some control with the table. I think the next step for more control is to limit the release to hands only. You can offer topless or nude sessions if you're comfortable with your customer. Please stay safe!
Basically, I've just learned to use the word "no" more often. So now I've been pretty much limiting happy endings to hand, butt, and breast releases.

Why so reluctant to tell anyone you're dating what you do, straight-up? (I mean, third date, sure...) What if they momentarily freaked out but then were cool about it? It would make your life a lot easier. :) It seems like Derek would probably understand if you told him.
I've gone over this before, and very early in the blog. Telling a guy what you do NEVER works out. They're cool with it for a little while, then one day it suddenly turns ugly. Happens EVERY time.

Hey CJ! What would Derek do/say if he found out what your job really consists of?
I've been dreading that recently because I really like this guy. But I think he'd handle it really badly and end up dumping me. For real. He's not nearly as "worldly" as other guys I've dated. I mean, he doesn't go to strrip clubs, or bachelor parties. Shit - he's embarassed to admit he watches porno. So I think he wouldn't take it well at all.

Have you ever had an orgasm while working? How?

Yes - I did a whole story about it here...


Fuck - Marry - Kill:

1. George Clooney
2. Tom Hanks
3. Mel Gibson

That's sooooo easy. Fuck George, Marry Tom, and Kill Mel. Give me a tough one!

Have you considered applying for work at an AMP? It would seem to have the structured rules that you and your clients now require. Non-asian girls do exist at a couple of places in MA/RI. Are you capable of letting go of the rigid generalizations you've made about these places in the past.
The ones around here do not hire local girls. The girls are all driven in from NYC. That's not my opinion, that was in the police reports from when the were busted. Also, I can't tell you how many girls I've interviewed while working at The Business who said they were turned away from the AMPs because they weren't "their" girls.

Glad you're feeling better. I really enjoy reading your blogs. I'm in the area and go to AMPs about once a month or so. Answer me this:

Is it normal for a guy to not be hard at all during the massage and when the flip comes? I'm early 30s and by no means have ED (yet) and I have a GF who I see on the weekends (she lives out of state). So I get laid pretty regularly but like to get polished off once and a while. I feel like these ladies expect me to be hard and ready when the time comes. Most usually just grab my junk and then I'm good to go. But recently I had one woman kinda just look at me and gensture "well get ready".

I guess if I was a 50+ guy who didnt get laid from his wife this would be like a super exciting situation to have a lady half naked rubbing you down but for me, I'm not excited until she touches it.

This is not usual at all. In fact, it's more common for the guy not to be hard when it's time for the happy ending. The woman who gave you the (ahem) hard time was not very professional.

1) How often does someone take you up on the "You provide the clothing for me to wear as long as the tags are still attached" offer?

Except for 1 guy, It's not nearly as popular with the Regulars I've been seeing lately, but back at The Business, I'd get a lingerie request a couple times a month.

2) What has happened to The Business Establishment since you left it?
Once again - long story and I will get to it.

3) Do you like "mood music" when you are working?
Of course - I bring a boombox, or at the very least CD's of what we call "spa" music. At The Business, we had satellite radio so we could listen to relaxing music. Most requested music type - country. Hardly relaxing.

4) What was the most unexpected, yet appreciated, gift you ever got from any client?
Diamond earrings.

5) You are President for one week, what one thing would you like to accomplish?
Abolish all sex laws. Honestly, everyone has sex, but as soon as $$$ enters the equation it becomes a giant problem that must be controlled, hunted down and stopped. Give me a break.

I recall in an earlier post you described your Oscar winning performance of video recording the HE with a client and ending the session with the peace sign. However you also briefly talked about other sessions which were recorded but you didn't elaborate about those moments. Were they worth a leading actress award?
Always! I actually enjoy fussing with the lighting in the room and the camera angles. Sometimes it's to avoid capturing my face, but it also helps if the visuals capture the best parts of me and the action. Heck - I've even come up with dialog with some of them!

The thing to remember, CJ, is that anonymous #5 who left a comment telling you that you are something bad is really just some small person who gets some miniscule amount of satisfaction for themself by treating other people poorly. I am sure that you know that already, but it helps to remind yourself of that as you are reading them. :) Best wishes! -Mondo
Thanks Mondo! That shit really doesn't really bother me anymore.

What is your advice to a wife whose husband has been using your extra services and options and has thier heart, trust, and security broken?
He obviously doesn't deserve your trust and I don't blame you one bit for feeling that way. I don't like seeing married men and I do consider what they do as cheating. But if it helps any, what goes on in the room is totally mechanical and devoid of emotion. At work I do not consider myself a "girlfriend" or "mistress" to any of the customers. I know that doesn't justify any of their behavior but it's that detachment that helps me to deal with it. It's probably the crappiest part of being in this line of work.

I've been dying to hear the story about you leaving the business. This should give you plenty of opportunities to bad-mouth Audry. That's got to be good therapy for you, too.
You're absolutely right - it is part of my therapy and I'll get to it when I'm feeling comfortable enough. And believe it or not, there may not be as much Audrey bashing as you'd think.

can you repost the famous pictures of you, trina, and cindy?
Nope - sorry. Got way too close to getting discovered after that.

Can you please, please show us your breasts?

Look at my pic and imagine the rest!

How do you pay Velma for her help? :)

My undying gratitude! That and I promised her half of whatever money she can scrounge up by turning this into an HBO series.

What was your best memory of the business? Out of the times and experiences you had there, you had to have one day that was one that stood out as one of the best.

I miss working with my friends, particularly back when Cindy and Trina and I were there and everything was just fun and games. Heck - that's probably way back before Cindy became an addict. Back then coming to work was a party.

Did you ever go full service with any clients since leaving the business.
If you consider the finger fucking incident as full service, then I guess so.

you said you are doing clients because you need the money. Um, can you discuss your budget?
You are single, no kids, you should be swimming in cash.
Well nowadays it's just enough to pay rent, truck, food, clothes, and cell phone. I have to admit that my real weakness is my truck. I probably shouldn't be driving anything that big and expensive, but I can't help it. There's just something about a little girl driving a big truck that I get off on and cannot let go of.

Well guys, I'm going to end it here for now. But I promise to get to the rest - I owe it to you guys. Maybe this weekend. Thanks for helping me with my therapy!

CJ

Questions and Answers 6

My "therapy" as prescribed by Velma the Techno-Nerd, has been working. I feel much better about and more comfortable with my new situation. Just switching to a massage table seems to have made me feel like I'm in more control of my sessions. And since then I've managed to motivate myself to actually talk about funny stuff again. I've even started answering my email.

But I've been really bad about responding to comments. I have to admit that it kinda got intimidating after a while, and I really didn't feel like responding to Anonymous #5 who thinks I'm a whore. So now I'm going to give you a guys another chance to ask whatever you want and I swear I will answer every question.

So if I didn't answer any pressing questions from the last several weeks, now's the time to ask them. I figure this will help me get back on track and caught up on things.

CJ

Tales From the Massage Table

You guys would be proud of me. I actually dusted off my old massage table and busted it out of my mom's basement. I was surprised - it's still in pretty good shape considering how long it's been retired.

I needed it for 2 reasons. First, I actually got an appointment for a legit therapeutic massage. Friend of Derek's mom. Second, I'm trying to move away from the the bedtop massage. And this leads me to 2 funny stories.

Derek's mom's friend was a pity appointment. I knew it, but I didn't mind. I figured it was a good chance to practice some of my therapy techniques, break in the old table, and who knows - it could lead to more legit business if she spreads the word to her friends. And at this point in my career, business is business.

"Alice" was in her 60's. A rather large woman who was no stranger to massage, so she knew exactly what she wanted. She came across as a little bossy, which annoyed me a bit because she knew she was getting this session at a bargain rate.

And no - I didn't take my top off out of habit.

But we did start talking about the local massage scene. She even mentioned a few girls I went to school with. And it was when I had been lulled into a false sense of security that she asked if I used to work at The Business.

"Yeah... I left that place a while ago and... uh..." Oh shit. Busted. Fucked. Cat out of the bag.

Alice laughed. "That's OK dear. I won't tell anyone." Not only did she know about The Business, but personally knew a couple of our clients, and even knew Audrey in a friend-of-a-friend kinda way. Small world.

Now Alice was my first use of the un-retired massage table. "Andy" was my first non-therapeutic use. I was worried at first about how he would react, but I had made up my mind and knew I had to start somewhere and it may as well be with him. At first he was a little ticked when I showed up at his place lugging that thing up the steps, but he calmed down when he realized he was still getting a happy ending.

We did a standard 1 hour nude session, and I had almost forgotten what a joy it was to work with a table that was at the PERFECT height. No more fatigue in the arms from over-reaching, or cramps in the legs from kneeling on soft mattresses. And no more problems with leverage when applying pressure to certain massage points. This table was MEANT for massage.

But not meant for breast releases. And Andy wanted to finish with one. I really wanted to keep him on the table, so I had him stay on his back and I would lean over him. And like I said, the table was the perfect height for a massage done at arms length, not for leaning over and wrapping your tits around an erection.

But I tried - and boy was it awkward. I couldn't get the angle right without my calves cramping up, so his breast release turned into more of a hand release inside my cleavage. Andy wasn't complaining, so I just did the switch and stopped pretending. When he began to cum, I tried to angle his cock so it was pointing at my right breast. I was not expecting a violent ejaculation, so when he basically exploded in between my breasts, I turned my head to avoid the splash. When the gush (for lack of a better word) ended, I had semen on both tits AND both arms.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized there was nothing on my face or neck. I cleaned up quickly and thanked Andy for being a good sport about me springing the massage table on him. He actually said he enjoyed it because the massage was better. Hmmmm... Maybe this will work out after all.

I left Andy's place and went straight to Derek's. We were going to a movie and I wasn't going to have time to head home and shower. I cleaned myself up pretty good, so I didn't give it much thought as I walked in and kissed Derek hello.

He gave me a funny look and said "So... is there something you want to tell me?"

I didn't know what he was getting at, but almost instinctively, I reached up to my hair with my right hand. It was a giant gooey mess. I'm talking "There's something about Mary" gooey.

So what do you do when you're standing in front of your boyfriend with your hand coated in another man's jizz dripping from your hair? You give him your biggest smile and say "Ohhhhhhhh - that must be popsicle from Terry's kids. I stopped by just before I came here and one of them must have stuck his popsicle in my hair." Then you make a beeline for the bathroom and pray he has no curiosity about the flavor of the "popsicle" you're about to scrub off.

Now I can't wait to see what my 3rd session will bring me with that damn table.

CJ

Therapy

Wow - I feel better. I feel better after talking to Velma. I feel better after writing that last entry. I feel better after taking a few days off. I totally thank him for being right - I needed to start at the bottom so I could start start moving up.

I haven't even looked at the damn computer for a couple days now. I re-read my last stuff today and let me tell ya - that was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. Sure I've done humiliating things before in the name of "work." But then sitting down and describing it in detail for lots of strangers to criticize? HOLY SHIT. If that's what therapy is like, then it works.

And it took that moment for me to actually start remembering some other stuff that you guys might actually find funny. I think I had gotten so depressed, that nothing else seemed to matter anymore. But now I feel pretty good and promise to try to cheer up and get back to what this blog is all about - funny stories about weird shit that happens around me.

And on a side note, I've been reading all the comments and taking them to heart. Thank you to all the guys that have said things to try to cheer me up. I'm sorry if I'm not replying to each of you individually. I have been trying to catch up on e-mail though. And thanks for all the advice you've been passing on. I've taken some of it to heart.

Velma has agreed to look into compiling the last couple years of all this crap and trying to put together an e-book, or whatever you call it. I don't have the time, or the patience (or the english skills) to try to make some sort of sense of all my ramblings. But she said she's willing to give it a try.

And finally, you guys will be happy to hear that I'm now sticking up for myself and not saying "yes" to anything for a buck. Two bucks maybe, but a single buck? Hey - I still have standards.

CJ

"No Where To Go From Here But Up"

The other day I had a talk with my Techno-nerd Velma, and that's what she said to me. I called her up and said I was seriously thinking of giving up the blog. When she asked "Why?" I said "don't you read this thing?" She said "not recently" so I told her to "go fuck yourself."

Eventually things settled down and she admitted that she was getting worried about me. She asked what I really meant by "rock bottom" and that's when I clammed up. I realized I was in some sort of pit of depression that I couldn't climb out of. Velma suggested that to get out of this pit that I had dug for myself I should just start at the bottom and work my way up. So for the next couple of hours, I basically told her in gory detail everything that I've done (or had done to me) for the last couple of months.

She said the less I wanted to admit something, the more healing it would be. So I didn't hold anything back. And you know what? She was right. I actually felt a lot better about everything when we were done. Velma didn't pass judgement. She didn't comment. And she didn't really agree or disagree with anything I said. She just listened, and would encourage me when she thought I was leaving something out, or not being totally honest. And yes - I did try to avoid a LOT of things.

When we were done she said it looks like I have quite a bit of things to write about now. "But where to start?" I asked. She said to start at the bottom. It could only get easier from there.

So there I was... naked on my knees in front of "Roger." We were in his bedroom. His wife was gone for the morning, so we didn't have much time. Roger had been a pain in the ass ever since I arrived at his place. Kept saying things like "So what'll I get for any extra $100?"

I said "My undying gratitude." But after the 5th time it was starting to get on my nerves. The massage was quick, which didn't matter because he was itching to get to the happy ending before his wife came home. That extra $100 kept weighing on my mind all during the session. But the shit he wanted me to do just wasn't worth it. By the time we reached the end of our hour, I figured there wasn't much else he could bug me about.

Then he said it. "How about a facial?"

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not a total prude. With boyfriends I've done my share of cum play. I'll even lick that shit slowly off my fingers, if the mood strikes me. Under the right circumstances a facial can be erotic, arousing, and if done properly, even a tiny bit humiliating. But at work, it's usually just that - work. A facial means I'll need extra time to wash my hair, and in some cases a stinging red eye.

I was meeting my mother for lunch right after this session, and I knew that the last thing Roger was interested in was letting me shower off at his place when we were done. But he kept pressuring me and I really needed the money.

Of course I needed the money. I always need the money. It's the story of my life and the root of all my problems.

Anyway, we started arguing over the details. I usually control the facial by performing the handjob myself. That way I can direct the cum where I want it, and thus preventing collateral damage to my hair and eyes. But Roger wouldn't budge and insisted on doing it himself. After a while I just got sick of arguing and that's when I uttered the famous line "Go ahead, just don't get it in my eyes."

I knelt in front of him while Roger started jerking his cock. Now have you every really watched a guy jerking off from really up close? It's not a pretty sight. The motion itself is just sort of violent and nasty at the same time. And on top of that he's sweaty from our session, and not in great shape, AND he smells. The look on his face as he's trying to cum is almost scary, so I focus my attention elsewhere.

Behind him on the walls are pictures of his wife and kids. I can see her dresser with a pile of folded shirts on top of it, waiting to be put away. There's a fancy looking clock which I guess is a gift of some kind. A small flat panel TV is perched on a stand facing the bed. They probably watch the Tonight Show on it before they go to bed. I wonder if the kids have TV's in their rooms too. Personally I don't think kids should have TV's in their own rooms since it'll only distract them from their homework.

I feel the semen hitting me on the cheeks, nose, forehead, lips. I squeeze my eyes shut just in time to prevent me from reassuring my mother that I really don't have pink eye. I don't have to look in a mirror to see if there's any in my hair. I just know there is.

Roger grunts a few compliments like "You're so hot" while I'm feeling around for something to wipe my face with. It doesn't matter what he says at this point. I just want my money and to get the fuck outta there. I'm going to be late for mom's now.

So there I was, kneeling naked in front of a married man, in his wife's bedroom with pictures of his family staring at me while cum drips down my face that I starting thinking that if I just fucked him, there would be no mess to clean up and I'd be on time for lunch. That's when I realized I had hit rock bottom.

Rock Bottom

I don't like doing this anymore.

I think that's obvious considering how often I update nowadays. It's not that I don't have the time anymore. In fact, I probably have too much time on my hands. It's just that every time I sit down to write something, I get embarassed or even depressed over anything I have to say.

This started off with my "confessions" over some of the wacky shit that happens to me at The Business. But now that I'm independent, everything has changed. The one thing I considered constant in all that's happened is Me - "CJ." Whatever I had to talk about, it was about my take on all the insanity that was going on around me. I've always considered my stories not so much about me, but about everything else. I was the one thing that remained constant.

But now it feels that all that is out the window. At least when I was working within the walls of The Business, there were rules and I knew what to expect and people knew what to expect of me. Today it feels like there are no rules and I have to constantly adapt to my new situation.

Part of the problem - to be totally honest - is that my clients expect more from me. Outside The Business, they think anything goes. I've had some customers for years who always asked for the exact same thing in session. But when we move things to a new location like a hotel room, they're asking for blowjobs, fingering, going down on me, etc. I mean, it's always been the same me - it's just the room that's changed. What makes you think I'm going to say "yes" now?

Well for starters, there is no Audrey looking over my shoulder. At first I thought it would be a sense of relief to go independent - and it was. But then I realized that guys weren't just following my rules, they were following the rules of The Business. Something about a storefront and a sign that makes guys want to obey the rules.

Then there's the money. I'm making more per client, but my numbers are no where near what I had before. So now I'm, for lack of a better word, desperate. There, I said it. I need the money, and suddenly I'm blaming myself for being "uptight." What's the problem if a customer wants to stick a couple fingers up my pussy. It's just for a few seconds, right? That's the deal. Two fingers. I'll moan a little bit to make him happy, then it'll be over. Car payment made.

THAT is the kind of shit I've been tortured with over the last couple of months. So now do you blame me for not wanting to sit down at the end of a day and share my latest adventure with you? Before, a typical story was a guy wearing women's underwear. Today it's how I spent 45 minutes convincing myself NOT to let a customer go down on me. Or how my last argument ended with the words "Fine. Just don't get any in my eye."

Now it's all about me and I don't like it.

Update

I've tried on and off to update you guys on what's going on over the last couple of weeks. One of the new problems I have is getting unsupervised access to a computer. You see, since quitting The Business, I've been spending more and more of my free time at Derek's. He feeds me and he has cable TV. The downside is I have to wait for him to go to sleep before I can hop on his laptop. And I feel that it's just weird for me to hang out at his place when he's not there.

Going independent isn't all it's cracked up to be. I finally caught up on all the comments from the last 2 weeks. Some of you suggested I get my own office space, and I agree that wouldn't be a bad idea. The problem is money.

You see, since leaving The Business I went from several appointments and walk-ins a week to just a handful. I do get more per session now, but back at The Business, I was seeing way more customers. My sessions now aren't as ala carte as they used to be. My Regulars just kinda offer me a fixed amount with a vague agreement of what I will or won't do. So basically I'm pretty broke, and being broke does not help in establishing clear and strict boundaries. I'm not proud of this.

For example, I had a session last week that I think bumped me up to your freshman year girlfriend. It was one of my more loyal Regulars, so I'm more relaxed and trusting around this customer than most. Well, he wanted a thigh release. For you newbies out there, a thigh release is where I clamp my legs together and the guy slides his cock between my thighs. It's pretty much as close to fucking as you can get.

Well, I haven't done that in a while, but I agreed. I obviously forgot why I stopped. You see, he wanted to do it missionary style which meant his naked body on top of mine. Now during a standard happy ending, I can detach myself from the handjob. Only my hand is in contact with the customer, and the motions are pretty mechanical to the point where I can mentally balance my checkbook at the same time I'm bringing a guy to orgasm. But a missionary style thigh release is pretty much all the nasty, dirty and sweaty bits of fucking without the actual penetration.

I felt his body on top of mine. I felt the thrusts and could see the look on his face. I could feel his heavy breaths on my face. And when he finally came, I was expecting him to simulate cumming inside me by just thrusting down and staying there so the semen goes between my legs and into the sheets. But instead, he pulled out and jerked himself off all over my stomach. Then he collapsed on top of me - just like a high-school boyfriend. So there we were in a sticky, sweaty heap on his bed. It was so bad I asked to use his shower which I never do.

And this led to the most guilt I've felt in a while. I mean I was pretty much just inches away from full service. And for me it was all the sensations and consequence of actual fucking. I felt guilty and dirty about what happened. I felt the closest I've ever felt to cheating on Derek - and that says a lot considering what I do for a living.

CJ

Freak of the Week - Me

Hey guys. I know it's been a while. Since I've gone independent, it's not that I'm busier - in fact it's quite the opposite. It's just that things have kinda moved in a direction I wasn't expecting and I really didn't want to talk about it.

But this whole blog thing is supposed to be about me "confessing," right? Well, confessing about what customers do is one thing, but confessing about what I do is something else.

And that has been the problem lately.

You see, I've always gotten a kick outta telling stories about the guys that came into The Business. And as far as I was concerned, it was never really about me since I pretty much did what I always do:

1) Take off clothes
2) Massage
3) Happy Ending

It was the customers that would mix it up and make things interesting. Now that I'm not at The Business anymore, the dynamic has changed. I no longer have to follow my script, watch a clock, or obey Audrey's rules. In fact, whatever happens between 2 consenting adults in a room all by themselves is perfectly OK - right?

And this is the problem I've been having lately. My outcall sessions have become less like erotic massage and more like (for lack of a better word) dates. And if that sounds creepy it's because it is. I mean it's fine when a session is pure business (see steps 1-3 above), but when a personal component gets added, it can be uncomfortable (i.e. "I brought a bottle of wine...").

A couple of times now, the guys have combined dinner with their sessions. Now don't get me wrong - I love Olive Garden as much as the next girl - but it starts to get awkward when I have to make another excuse to Derek WHY I'm busy again at night, and WHY I smell like garlic.

And that's another thing - my schedule has become mostly a night one. At The Business, we got all the walk-ins during the day between the truckers, traveling salesmen, and the lunch crowd. With my best Regulars, it's local guys who have had the ability to see me on a routine basis. And hotel rooms are much easier to get in the afternoons than the mornings...

Then there's the sessions themselves. When there's no more clock watching, the guys want to take their sweet time getting started. I don't mind small talk, but get those damn clothes off and let's get to business! And even the most straightlaced of the bunch now wants me to do a striptease, or put on some lingerie, or whatever - stuff they never asked for at The Business.

And finally, there are the cuddlers. Right after their happy ending, they want to just "...cuddle for a minute." Well, on a massage table that's just damn impossible. But on outcall it's always a bed we're on. And cuddling on a bed is just really really uncomfortable with a customer. But the saving grace is that the guys are already spent and aren't in any condition to start any monkey business.

So there you have it. Since quitting The Business and going independent, I'm slowly turning into the escort equivalent of your girlfriend in 9th grade - you get to touch a boob and get a handjob.

Freak of the Week - No Means No

I know what you're thinking - how can I have a FOTW when I'm not even working in The Business anymore? Well, that's an interesting story and I'm almost ashamed to tell you about it.

Almost. Lucky for you.

You see, In the last couple of weeks, I've discovered that little old blue-haired ladies don't tip nearly as well as little old horny gentlemen. I guess "discovered" is a bad word since I really knew it was going to happen. I'm not going to fault little old ladies either since they need therapeutic massage too.

But what I really need right now is one good breast release to help me make my car payment. And the one I wasted last night on Derek didn't pay for shit (well, dinner maybe). Now the combination of a well fucked boyfriend and little old ladies with knots in their backs may make for a slightly more satisfying professional life, but they make for a crappy financial life. So here's the bit that I dreaded confessing to you guys.

I've kinda sorta been doing outcall. Now for you newbies out there, "outcall" massage is when you go visit a customer instead of them coming to me at The Business. Before I continue let me state quite plainly that I am NOT doing full service. It's pretty much been what I was doing at work - massage followed by a happy ending.

You see, what happened is that right after I walked out of The Business, I pretty much stopped answering my phone. Then after a week or so, I started picking up and letting my worried Regulars know that I'm still alive and that I've decided to change my situation. I had mostly well-wishers at first with the occasional offer to "...call me if there's anything I can do..."

Then the offers started to come in. "Hey, could you come over to my place for a session for old times sake? My wife is outta town and..." You see where I'm going with this, right?

Well, I've seen 5 of my old Regulars so far, and it's been pretty cool. I've met them at their places, or the occasional Super 8. And I have to admit that it's actually been kinda refreshing not having to watch a clock, or worry about answering the phone. These outcall sessions have been pretty good so far.

Then there's Harold.

Harold is in his 50's and divorced. Professional guy and one of my more reliable Regulars. I could always count on seeing him once a month, and it was always the same thing - 1 hour G-string with a standard happy ending. No options. No role play. No outfits. No spanking. No foot worship. No cumplay. Nothing.

Now that I'm "independent" and decided to offer outcall to some of my more trusted Regulars, I was expecting sooner or later to have someone ask about full service. It always happens once you're outside the doors of The Business. You're 2 consenting adults in the privacy of a room with no one else's rules to abide by. It happens and I really don't blame guys for asking "... what else do you do?"

Well, Harold was the first to ask. And boy did he ask. It was almost like he flicked on his "Inner Freak" switch when he heard I was willing to see him at his place.

So I showed up at his house with my Bag-o-Tricks:

Massage oil

G-strings

Clean sheet (you'd be surpised how few guys keep clean linen lying around)

Baby oil

Baby powder (a popular option)

Extra bra and shirt (in case of cumstains)

Relaxation CD

Hand sanitizer

Breath mints

I had never been over to his place before. It was a typical bachelor pad. As I expected, I needed my clean sheet to cover his bed since his sheets looked like they were ready to crawl away on their own power. I did a quick scan of the room to make sure there were no hidden "nanny cams" to capture the fun. That's one of the reasons why I've never liked outcall - I don't get to control my environment like I could at The Business.

Harold gets undressed and I can see that he has already "risen" to the occasion.

"Uhhhh... Harold...Did you just pop a bottle of Viagra or did you just miss me?"

With a sort of pride in his voice he asks "Do you like it? I figured I might need it to last me for the next hour. So I took a pill."

I think I shuddered at the thought of giving this man a 1 hour handjob. There was obviously some sort of miscommunication on his part so I tested the waters with "Don't you think you're gonna be a bit uncomfortable with that dangerous weapon while you're lying on your stomach?"

"St-stomach" he stuttered. "I was hoping we could skip all that and get right to the point." Now his voice kinda slowed down as if he saw some brake lights way up the road and suspected there was some traffic hazard up ahead. "You do know what I mean, right?"

"Harold," I said firmly, "What were you expecting today? You know I'm not full service."

Guys and girls - you should have seen the look on this man's face. You would have thought I just told him Santa Claus isn't real. Or the Tooth Fairy. And I shot and killed the Easter Bunny.

Crushed is a good word to use here. Devestated another. Disappointed just doesn't seem to do the job. It was so bad, that for a second (a VERY BRIEF SECOND) I was taken back to my younger, more reckless days, and the long-ignored, rarely-used, totally-neglected notion of "Pity Fuck" just sort of lifted it's ugly head and tried to dust itself off and make itself presentable.

Unluckily for Harold, my rational thought kicked in and told that notion to "sit the fuck down." This isn't high school and that isn't my senior prom date who to this day I still can't figure out why I agreed to go with him when I had soooooo many better options.

And this is pretty much all the nonsense that danced through my head at this moment while I stood in the bedroom of a fully naked man sporting a drug-enhanced hard-on. You see, this kind of nonsense didn't take place in The Business because we had rules and people followed them. A month ago it would never have occurred to me to pity fuck a customer because he's giving me puppy dog eyes. But now that I'm in the middle of something that looks more like a date gone bad, I find myself doing and thinking things that are just crazy.

When a session starts to go in the wrong direction, I stop everything, collect my wits, then take control of the situation. So I took a deep breath and told Harold I'm flattered by the thought, but I have a boyfriend and therefore we need to remain professional. And believe it or not, this seemed to make some sort of sense to him. He nodded in agreement as if this sounded perfectly reasonable. Guys are like that - they need rules, formalities and ritual. You take that away and they're lost.

"Soooooo... what can we do then?" he asked hesitantly.

I smiled at him and pulled off my tank top. And an hour later I made my car payment.

CJ

Going Legit

This is a lot harder than I thought. I mean, it's not like I get an uncontrollable urge to grab some strange man and give him a handjob in the middle of a grocery store. But I do miss having a steady job and somewhere to be 40 hours a week.

It's been about 2 weeks now since I walked out of The Business. I've had Regulars calling me and I still won't pick up the phone. Part of it is I just don't want to talk about what happened, and part of it is not wanting anything to do with that part of my life anymore. But there were a couple guys I talked to, just to let them know I wasn't going to be around. For the most part, everyone has been understanding and supportive, but it was only a matter of time before guys started asking me about outcall.

I've been asked to meet guys in hotel rooms before, but I guess people think I'll be desperate enough to do it now that I'm "independent." I mean what the fuck? I just want to lay low for a while and figure out what I really want to do with my life.

And in the meanwhile I only want a couple of my mom's friends as clients. Little old ladies don't pay much, but at least they won't try to finger me or cum in my hair.

CJ

I'm Back

I quit the business. Really. It's been over a week now. It's a long story that I'm sure I'll eventually get around to telling, but for now let's just say that I hate my life and want things to change.

And to top things off, Derek asked me to marry him.

I mean I doubt he was serious. I was upset, had no job, etc., and I think he was just trying to say something he thought I wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong - it was sweet of him to say it, but really? Now?

To make things worse, there aren't many people I can go to with work problems. Of course there's Trina, but she didn't have my back and walk out with me. I may have been trying to make a point, but I would have appreciated a little solidarity when I had my one girl strike. "But I have rent to pay! I can't quit."

Wah.

Then there's Cindy who doesn't give a "rat's ass" what happened at work. Well put my friend. I can't blame her. I just think she was happy to hang out with me for once. As for Derek, he knew I had a fight with my boss and that was about it. Thank goodness guys don't read anything into these situations. A girl would have wondered what on Earth a "shampooist" has to fight about with her boss.

No offense to anyone out there, but I haven't read any comments, or checked email. I just wanted to get away from everything for a little while. But I'm back now, so I'll try to catch up on stuff and get things back to normal. Whatever that is.

CJ

And The Winner Is........

No one yet. I told you - we don't have to hire anyone till the end of the month. I knew that you guys would be rooting for the stripper. Unfortunately she's not a favorite. Even Audrey said to avoid her. My favorite is still the LMT that interviewed here last week. She's got her license and has been doing legit massage for several years now. Then she lost her job when the economy tanked, so she's knocking on our door. Amazing how several months of unemployment will encourage anyone to add "handjob" to her list of skills.

"Brenda" is a little on the heavy side, pretty face, dark hair, and a decent personality. But you could tell she was nervous as all hell when she got here. She said she was confused when she first walked in because The Business was not what she was expecting. Apparently she was picturing a dark, musty smelling room lit with red lights and decorated with tacky pictures of half-naked women. "Why half-naked women?" I asked.

"Because that's what it saw in this movie about a massage parlor once," she said sounding relieved. Gawd I hate movies about parlors. They always get it soooooooo wrong.
Heck, if you're gonna put up pics of naked women, why not just post the prices for breast releases and toe-sucking while you're at it? Save the cops the trouble of actually trying to figure it out on their own.

Anyway, I answered Brenda's questions and concerns on making a turn towards the Dark Side of massage therapy. Her biggest concern was going against everything she ever practiced about separating therapy from sensuality (in other words, instead of ignoring a hard-on, actually encouraging it.) For a legitimate massage therapist, it's a huge deal so I know where she's coming from.

I told her that she'll be too nervous about being naked to even worry about giving a handjob to a stranger. She laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. I don't know. I sympathize with her and the position she's in. Would she be a good worker? Well, I think we could actually count on her showing up on time. She may throw up during her first session, but at least it'll be during her shift.

Some of you out there are probably wondering why on earth we'd pick a chubby LMT over a stripper. After all, isn't the whole point of the job to get guys off? Actually, most of the job is to provide a relaxing massage with the getting-off part at the very end. And after an hour of getting rubbed by a girl with no clothes on, you don't need to be a stripper to finish the job. In fact, Brenda the LMT may be better at it because she'll deliver a higher quality massage. I don't know how many guys have told me that the worst thing is to have a girl rush you through a crappy massage and then expect you to cum within 30 seconds from a less-than-enthusiastic handjob.

Stripper's are meant to be looked at. Brenda would probably make a lousy stripper. But with the lights turned down, a little bit of soft music, and her well lubed hand wrapped around your cock - she could be a pretty good erotic masseuse.

CJ

Confessions Of An Erotic Employer

We've had 6 girls in here so far, and each one worse than the other. I mean, what happened to all the good old fashioned, all-American, erotic masseuses? I'm talking about a girl with her massage license who can work all the knots out of your back, discuss sports and politics, crack a joke, and stroke a cock while looking good in high heels. Is that too much to ask for?

At this point I'm just looking for a girl who doesn't have any missing teeth or needle tracks. And if you think I'm just being picky, you should try applying at a male-owned parlor. The interview usually consists of a blowjob.

I've talked to Trina about this, and we've both decided to drag this out as long as possible. Yes, the current hours suck since we have to divide up all the shifts between the 2 of us, but things aren't that busy yet. I figure we'll have till the end of this month before we'll need the help. Besides, it would be impossible to take time off during the summer without an extra girl or 2.

Audrey is bitching that she wants someone NOW, but only because she's afraid we're losing appointments. She even offered to come back and help us work the sweet shifts on the weekends (of course). Gawd forbid she would offer to take a Wednesday night when NO ONE shows up. Oh well, it's nice to be the owner...

Anyway, the quality of applicants is lacking to say the least. We did get a girl in here who was working at one of the non-Asian places that got busted last year. I said no because even though she had experience, she was used to working full-service and she looked pretty skanky in my opinion. A couple other girls were obvious druggies. And then there was one girl who had a pretty interesting story.

"Candy" was a stripper from Florida who moved back in with her parents here in PA. She hasn't found work at any of the local clubs, so that's when she turned to us. When I asked her if she had any other experience besides dancing she said "Well, I did do a bit of acting."

Acting?

Turns out Candy was working the local porn scene down in Florida. Now when I heard "porn" I immediately thought of school girl outfits, pizza delivery boys, and hairy old men wearing lots of gold chains (goes to show what I know of today's adult movies). Candy said it wasn't like that at all. She said she would occasionally get parts in what she called "Reality Porn" movies.

Apparently there's a type of porn that's supposed to look like real people having candid sex. College kids, horny housewives, leaked sex tapes, etc. The way Candy describes it, it's all a very elaborate hoax. And in fact, it's probably even more produced and scripted than regular fuck-n-suck porn.

She would play background parts like bachelorette party girl, or drunken sorority slut. Her job was to pretend to be a "friend" of the movies actual star and pretend to be shocked by her outrageous behavior. The hardcore sex parts were played by real porn stars - usually girls who were just breaking into the industry. Candy said she would get anywhere between a hundred bucks for "Anonymous Girl" and up to several hundred for "Horny Friend" if she got naked and danced on camera.

Now you're all probably wondering why we didn't hire her on the spot. Remember - I'm looking for a girl who's gonna show up on time and do her best not to lose any customers. To be honest, strippers typically make lousy masseuses. They're never on time, and they always skip their shifts when the club calls. But on the plus side, she's NOT full service, she would be incredibly entertaining to have around, and she's local. I actually liked her personally, I just don't think she would be a good fit for us.

Currently my favorite girl has previous massage experience, but has never done happy endings before. She's licensed, but was the first one laid off at the spa she used to work at when business tanked. Trina didn't like her, but I did. But I'll keep you posted. Like I said, we'll try to postpone anyone getting hired for at least another month.

CJ