One of you guys commented that we should do a movie of The Business. So whadya think? I was laughing my ass off at the thought. Technically I guess you could say that there's already a movie of The Business, but I think those videos are better suited for an adult bookstore instead of the big screen. But a movie with Tara Reid as the loveable, but troubled young me - that would be something.
Of course she'd have to wear a padded bra! LOL
I asked Trina again who she would want to play her, and she said (and I shit you not) the girl from Ugly Betty. She couldn't explain why, other than it would be pretty funny. Cindy said she'd like to be either Angelina Jolie or that girl from Desperate Housewives, Eva Longoria. Cindy actually looks a little like Eva - if she had huge fake breasts and no ass (and 5 months pregnant).
As for Audrey, we took a vote and decided that she should be played by Coco Chanel. Not because they look alike, but because Coco was a mean, greedy, power hungry bitch. Looks wise, I guess you could compare her to a short, blonde version of Cher (after a car accident - LOL).
Then for the customers, we could have a whole bunch of celebrity cameos. How about George Clooney as the mysterious Sugar Daddy, and Brad Pitt as the married man who's wife doesn't fulfill his needs. I know - that sounds way to far fetched. If we wanted to be more historically accurate, we would need Artie Lange as the alcoholic travelling salesman, Larry the Cable Guy as the trucker who hasn't showered in 4 days and Andy Dick as the guy that wears stockings and wants to be spanked.
I don't know... I've always thought that this place would make for a great reality TV show. I mean HBO has their whorehouse show in Vegas, so why not us? I realize that what they do in Nevada is a bit more legal when compared to us, but I think we would be much more interesting since we're not just about sex. At least we shouldn't be, but that topic could be saved for a 2 hour special - "On a very special episode of HappyEndingz... Trina blows a customer to pay her cable bill..."
We could show all the freaky customers, and all the trash talk that goes in on the back room. I mean this would make for some great TV. Look at all the crap that's out there now. I mean, who really wants to see a room full of skanks fighting to sleep with that ugly Flavor Flav? (Wait - that's not you guys, is it? I take that back!). Instead, how about a room full of skanks fighting over a customer who arrived in a Lexus?
Now if there are any big Hollywood TV producers out there reading this, you would make a fortune just following Cindy around with a camera. That would make for the freakiest reality TV show of all time. "In this weeks episode of 'Cindy's Life:' In the spirit of generosity, Cindy dumps a dime bag in a Salvation Army kettle ..."
But If ever decide to make a quick buck in the world of internet porn, I'd call up my old friend Jared with the videos we made in Session. Assuming that there's a market for HJ and facial videos! LOL
CJ
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Worst Blind Date Ever
I haven't updated you guys on my personal life lately, mostly because there's been nothing to update. But all that changed this weekend. I don't like to go off topic, but this was kinda sad and funny at the same time.
As you might have remembered, I went back on the internet dating thing a few months ago. The results were pretty much zero. I've discovered that when I finally have time to sit in front of my computer, it's way more fun to gossip about work with you guys than it is to e-mail perfect strangers about how much I like long walks on the beach. I swear these guys are so boring - it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to say anything intelligent.
Anyway, I'm friends with this married couple (we'll call them Martha and Ross) who know someone who know's someone who's "perfect" for me. In other words, it's a friend of a friend of a friend. When you're that far removed, "perfect" means little more than "single." I said "Sure, what the fuck?" I guess I could use a free meal just like the next girl.
So we ended up exchanging phone numbers and "Craig" finally called me 2 weeks ago. He's about my age, never married, owns a business selling computer stuff, too busy to date, hates 'American Idol,' blah blah blah. I told him I'm a shampooist at a local day spa, with similar issues. We exchanged our dating resumes as is routine, but after that we started talking and he turned out to be pretty interesting.
Instead of a "date" date, we decided to meet at the next big get-together between our common friends. Turns out that he has a similar twisted sense of humor as me, so we planned a few ways to mess with our friends minds. He even called me a couple times before the date to work on our jokes, and just to chat. So in other words everything seemed perfectly fine for our first meeting on Saturday night.
The plan was for my friends to meet at his place, then we'd all ride over to a local sports bar to meet everyone else. I took my own car and followed Marsha and Ross over (just in case, if you know what I mean). Craig owns a rather spacious 2 bedroom condo 2 towns over from me. We all go upstairs and not just Craig, but 4 guys greet us at the door. I recognize him from a pic he texted me, so I introduce myself and he gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek in front of his 3 friends.
These guys don't even bother to introduce themselves, since they're busy drinking, grinning and winking at each other. Then all 4 of them just walk away and return to the TV in the living room - leaving Marsha, Ross and me at the door! Ya know, a little tour of the place woulda been nice.
Being offered a beer would have been even nicer.
I give Marsha a look and she gives me one back. Ross just shrugged his shoulders. We decided to just follow them into the living room, but we don't bother to take our coats off since we're not getting a "sit down and relax" kind of vibe. After a few minutes of us talking amongst ourselves and them laughing and joking amongst themselves, Marsha kicks Ross and he suggests loudly that we head over to the bar. On the drive over, I was racking my brain - trying to remember if ignoring me was one of our little jokes we had planned. I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
Finally at the bar, there's a group of about 10 other people that we join - half at the bar, half at tables. I sit down at the bar and Craig is quick to order me a drink - first correct thing he's done so far this evening. Turns out to be the last. In fact, the next 2 drinks I ordered and paid for myself.
Craig sat next to me at the bar, but he spent the ENTIRE night with his back turned to me. At first I was facing him and his friends and would try to join the conversation, but it just wasn't happening. Finally I just turned around and started glaring at my friends for doing this to me. After my 2nd drink, we actually started joking about it and I finally started to enjoy myself.
Trina texted me about the date, and I told her how awful it was. She didn't believe me, so I actually took a picture with my cell phone showing Craig sitting there with has back to me. I sent 3 more identical pics throughout the evening. She later told me she was laughing so hard by the 3rd one that she almost crashed her car.
A couple of times I heard my name followed by a couple of giggles, but that was pretty much the total interaction I had with my "date" and his friends. It was during a restroom break that I decided this evening was over. Didn't even bother to say "bye" to anyone, just went straight out the door and jumped in the car. I got home and changed into PJ's. I was brushing my teeth when I heard my phone beep. It was a text message.
I found my phone in my jacket pocket and that's when it occurred to me - where the hell is my purse? I checked everywhere and realized I must have left it in the ladies room back at that damn bar. I called the bar - no purses found. I called Marsha - she was already home too. FUCK!! My purse is gone. I was particularly pissed because I had $250 in cash, plus a gift card for Olive Garden that I was planning on using this weekend. This may sound weird, but the Olive Garden thing was more upsetting than the cash because it was a gift from my sister.
When I finally calmed down and accepted that my shit was gone, I figured How could the evening get much worse? That's when I remembered the text message. It was from Craig. It's still on my phone and I will quote it here in all of it's romantic glory.
where u @ i bot u a beeer
It's a miracle I didn't throw my phone through the wall.
CJ
As you might have remembered, I went back on the internet dating thing a few months ago. The results were pretty much zero. I've discovered that when I finally have time to sit in front of my computer, it's way more fun to gossip about work with you guys than it is to e-mail perfect strangers about how much I like long walks on the beach. I swear these guys are so boring - it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to say anything intelligent.
Anyway, I'm friends with this married couple (we'll call them Martha and Ross) who know someone who know's someone who's "perfect" for me. In other words, it's a friend of a friend of a friend. When you're that far removed, "perfect" means little more than "single." I said "Sure, what the fuck?" I guess I could use a free meal just like the next girl.
So we ended up exchanging phone numbers and "Craig" finally called me 2 weeks ago. He's about my age, never married, owns a business selling computer stuff, too busy to date, hates 'American Idol,' blah blah blah. I told him I'm a shampooist at a local day spa, with similar issues. We exchanged our dating resumes as is routine, but after that we started talking and he turned out to be pretty interesting.
Instead of a "date" date, we decided to meet at the next big get-together between our common friends. Turns out that he has a similar twisted sense of humor as me, so we planned a few ways to mess with our friends minds. He even called me a couple times before the date to work on our jokes, and just to chat. So in other words everything seemed perfectly fine for our first meeting on Saturday night.
The plan was for my friends to meet at his place, then we'd all ride over to a local sports bar to meet everyone else. I took my own car and followed Marsha and Ross over (just in case, if you know what I mean). Craig owns a rather spacious 2 bedroom condo 2 towns over from me. We all go upstairs and not just Craig, but 4 guys greet us at the door. I recognize him from a pic he texted me, so I introduce myself and he gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek in front of his 3 friends.
These guys don't even bother to introduce themselves, since they're busy drinking, grinning and winking at each other. Then all 4 of them just walk away and return to the TV in the living room - leaving Marsha, Ross and me at the door! Ya know, a little tour of the place woulda been nice.
Being offered a beer would have been even nicer.
I give Marsha a look and she gives me one back. Ross just shrugged his shoulders. We decided to just follow them into the living room, but we don't bother to take our coats off since we're not getting a "sit down and relax" kind of vibe. After a few minutes of us talking amongst ourselves and them laughing and joking amongst themselves, Marsha kicks Ross and he suggests loudly that we head over to the bar. On the drive over, I was racking my brain - trying to remember if ignoring me was one of our little jokes we had planned. I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
Finally at the bar, there's a group of about 10 other people that we join - half at the bar, half at tables. I sit down at the bar and Craig is quick to order me a drink - first correct thing he's done so far this evening. Turns out to be the last. In fact, the next 2 drinks I ordered and paid for myself.
Craig sat next to me at the bar, but he spent the ENTIRE night with his back turned to me. At first I was facing him and his friends and would try to join the conversation, but it just wasn't happening. Finally I just turned around and started glaring at my friends for doing this to me. After my 2nd drink, we actually started joking about it and I finally started to enjoy myself.
Trina texted me about the date, and I told her how awful it was. She didn't believe me, so I actually took a picture with my cell phone showing Craig sitting there with has back to me. I sent 3 more identical pics throughout the evening. She later told me she was laughing so hard by the 3rd one that she almost crashed her car.
A couple of times I heard my name followed by a couple of giggles, but that was pretty much the total interaction I had with my "date" and his friends. It was during a restroom break that I decided this evening was over. Didn't even bother to say "bye" to anyone, just went straight out the door and jumped in the car. I got home and changed into PJ's. I was brushing my teeth when I heard my phone beep. It was a text message.
I found my phone in my jacket pocket and that's when it occurred to me - where the hell is my purse? I checked everywhere and realized I must have left it in the ladies room back at that damn bar. I called the bar - no purses found. I called Marsha - she was already home too. FUCK!! My purse is gone. I was particularly pissed because I had $250 in cash, plus a gift card for Olive Garden that I was planning on using this weekend. This may sound weird, but the Olive Garden thing was more upsetting than the cash because it was a gift from my sister.
When I finally calmed down and accepted that my shit was gone, I figured How could the evening get much worse? That's when I remembered the text message. It was from Craig. It's still on my phone and I will quote it here in all of it's romantic glory.
where u @ i bot u a beeer
It's a miracle I didn't throw my phone through the wall.
CJ
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Cindy's First Day
Cindy is 5 months pregnant.
How's that for a starter? That pretty much sums up how her first day back at work went. Talk about an ice breaker. I figured things would be awkward (to say the least) since I was scheduled to be alone with her that first shift, but boy let me tell ya - nothing breaks the ice better than a good old baby out of wedlock.
Since she just spent 5 months in jail, the nearest I can figure is that she must have gotten knocked up on the drive over. Turns out she just started dating this guy a couple months before she went to jail. Personally, I was suprised to hear that she actually kept a guy around for a whole 2 months! Cindy's the kinda girl to fuck 'em and leave 'em. Well, to be more accurate, Cindy is the kinda girl to:
1) fuck 'em
2) rip 'em off
3) leave 'em.
And in case you're wondering, yes - she's starting to show. She's got the baby bump and swollen breasts, which is funny because now her implants actually look even more fake than before. I imagine that she's only got a month or 2 left before no one will want a nude option with her, but if you like them big old fake titties, then Cindy's the girl for you.
She's the one I talked about a while ago who got a Sugar Daddy to spring for implants. Then a month later she dumped him. If I remember correctly, I think that poor guy got to see his investment maybe twice before he got ditched. That's Cindy for ya.
I imagine there's gotta be some pervs out there that would get turned on by a pregnant girl. Cindy managed to do 2 customers that first shift - both topless. I guess they weren't looking at her belly. She said she'll keep going till customers start turning her down. I'm still waiting to see if some guy pays her to cum on her belly.
As you can tell, I'm terribly amused by all this. But don't confuse my amusement with forgiveness. She's still a lying, cheating, skank. But she used to be my best friend and being around her turned out to be almost as comfortable as the old days.
Some of you probably can't believe that I can forgive the theft of $2500. I haven't - it's just that after time it just doesn't seem that important anymore. Besides, where else am I gonna find a girlfriend who feels comfortable enough to blow her boyfriends in front of me while we all sit around watching TV? That kinda friendship is priceless.
Don't worry though - I'll still keep an eye on my wallet.
CJ
p.s. I will be accepting Babies-r-Us gift certificates for the "Cindy's lil Bastard Fund." Please give - this poor kid is gonna need all the help he can get!
How's that for a starter? That pretty much sums up how her first day back at work went. Talk about an ice breaker. I figured things would be awkward (to say the least) since I was scheduled to be alone with her that first shift, but boy let me tell ya - nothing breaks the ice better than a good old baby out of wedlock.
Since she just spent 5 months in jail, the nearest I can figure is that she must have gotten knocked up on the drive over. Turns out she just started dating this guy a couple months before she went to jail. Personally, I was suprised to hear that she actually kept a guy around for a whole 2 months! Cindy's the kinda girl to fuck 'em and leave 'em. Well, to be more accurate, Cindy is the kinda girl to:
1) fuck 'em
2) rip 'em off
3) leave 'em.
And in case you're wondering, yes - she's starting to show. She's got the baby bump and swollen breasts, which is funny because now her implants actually look even more fake than before. I imagine that she's only got a month or 2 left before no one will want a nude option with her, but if you like them big old fake titties, then Cindy's the girl for you.
She's the one I talked about a while ago who got a Sugar Daddy to spring for implants. Then a month later she dumped him. If I remember correctly, I think that poor guy got to see his investment maybe twice before he got ditched. That's Cindy for ya.
I imagine there's gotta be some pervs out there that would get turned on by a pregnant girl. Cindy managed to do 2 customers that first shift - both topless. I guess they weren't looking at her belly. She said she'll keep going till customers start turning her down. I'm still waiting to see if some guy pays her to cum on her belly.
As you can tell, I'm terribly amused by all this. But don't confuse my amusement with forgiveness. She's still a lying, cheating, skank. But she used to be my best friend and being around her turned out to be almost as comfortable as the old days.
Some of you probably can't believe that I can forgive the theft of $2500. I haven't - it's just that after time it just doesn't seem that important anymore. Besides, where else am I gonna find a girlfriend who feels comfortable enough to blow her boyfriends in front of me while we all sit around watching TV? That kinda friendship is priceless.
Don't worry though - I'll still keep an eye on my wallet.
CJ
p.s. I will be accepting Babies-r-Us gift certificates for the "Cindy's lil Bastard Fund." Please give - this poor kid is gonna need all the help he can get!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
FBSM - or Confessions Of A Not-So Erotic Massage Therapist
I got a question last week concerning what I know about FBSM. Well honestly, I had never heard the term before so I looked it up. Boy, did I feel stupid. FBSM stands for Full Body Sensual Massage. Personally I use the term Full Body Massage, but it also goes by:
Happy Ending Massage
Relaxing Massage
Non-Therapeutic
and my least favorite...The ol' Rub n' Tug
I feel silly because technically FBSM is what I do for a living, but I practice just 1 aspect of it which is a full body massage followed by a hand release. I guess FBSM implies more of a sexual aspect including massage techniques specifically for the naughty bits.
My technique basically consists of up, down, and repeat as necessary. As for the "sensual" aspect, I don't think taking my top off really qualifies. Occasionally I'll be asked for what I call a "soft massage" where the massage consists mostly of caressing type motions. I may also get asked to pay special attention to the balls throughout the entire massage. And I have done a couple sessions where the guy has asked me to apply the oil to him by applying it to my breasts first, then rubbing myself all over him. I guess the breast release and butt release would also qualify as FBSM techniques too. So now that I think about it, I'm familiar with some of it - I just may not practice it all that often.
However, I was actually introduced to some of the advanced techniques of FBSM a few years ago by a customer. Here I am doing this for a living, and now a customer is teaching ME some new tricks! Anyway, I was doing a mutual massage with this guy (who was a new customer at the time) when he asked if he could do a "special" massage of my groin area. At first I said "no" because it sounded like he just wanted to finger fuck me (I get this often). Then he explained it was nothing like that, so I reluctantly agreed since I was kinda curious.
So there I was... spread eagle on the table with this guy's face just inches away from my pussy. With his thumb and index finger, he starts doing this wonderful massage of my inner thighs. I mean this guy knew what he was doing. Then he works his way up until he's working the area from my taint to around and just over my lips. So he's not actually touching my pussy or the lips, but just the areas around them. Let me tell you - it was INCREDIBLE. It didn't exactly get me aroused in a sexual kinda way, but it felt amazing nevertheless.
After several minutes of bliss, he asked me to do it to him. I figured it was the least I could do for putting me on a cloud. Every time after that, I DEMANDED he do that special little massage for me. The first time, I swear I had trouble walking afterwards. It was funny because I had a boyfriend at the time and he noticed I was walking with a slight limp that night. What was I going to tell him - that it's just a normal workplace accident for me? LOL
Unfortunately for me, that customer is long gone. So what I've resorted to now is teaching it to a couple of my favorite regulars - guys that I know I can trust not to try and stick a finger in me. As for returning the favor... I save that little gem for special occasions when I really want to demonstrate my appreciation of a customer. What about the boyfriend you ask? Well, I couldn't exactly try it on him, now could I? What was I gonna say - "Hey honey, Iay back and relax. I wanna try something on you that I just learned today from a total stranger"? That moment had to wait for the NEXT boyfriend. Oh well, his loss.
CJ
Happy Ending Massage
Relaxing Massage
Non-Therapeutic
and my least favorite...The ol' Rub n' Tug
I feel silly because technically FBSM is what I do for a living, but I practice just 1 aspect of it which is a full body massage followed by a hand release. I guess FBSM implies more of a sexual aspect including massage techniques specifically for the naughty bits.
My technique basically consists of up, down, and repeat as necessary. As for the "sensual" aspect, I don't think taking my top off really qualifies. Occasionally I'll be asked for what I call a "soft massage" where the massage consists mostly of caressing type motions. I may also get asked to pay special attention to the balls throughout the entire massage. And I have done a couple sessions where the guy has asked me to apply the oil to him by applying it to my breasts first, then rubbing myself all over him. I guess the breast release and butt release would also qualify as FBSM techniques too. So now that I think about it, I'm familiar with some of it - I just may not practice it all that often.
However, I was actually introduced to some of the advanced techniques of FBSM a few years ago by a customer. Here I am doing this for a living, and now a customer is teaching ME some new tricks! Anyway, I was doing a mutual massage with this guy (who was a new customer at the time) when he asked if he could do a "special" massage of my groin area. At first I said "no" because it sounded like he just wanted to finger fuck me (I get this often). Then he explained it was nothing like that, so I reluctantly agreed since I was kinda curious.
So there I was... spread eagle on the table with this guy's face just inches away from my pussy. With his thumb and index finger, he starts doing this wonderful massage of my inner thighs. I mean this guy knew what he was doing. Then he works his way up until he's working the area from my taint to around and just over my lips. So he's not actually touching my pussy or the lips, but just the areas around them. Let me tell you - it was INCREDIBLE. It didn't exactly get me aroused in a sexual kinda way, but it felt amazing nevertheless.
After several minutes of bliss, he asked me to do it to him. I figured it was the least I could do for putting me on a cloud. Every time after that, I DEMANDED he do that special little massage for me. The first time, I swear I had trouble walking afterwards. It was funny because I had a boyfriend at the time and he noticed I was walking with a slight limp that night. What was I going to tell him - that it's just a normal workplace accident for me? LOL
Unfortunately for me, that customer is long gone. So what I've resorted to now is teaching it to a couple of my favorite regulars - guys that I know I can trust not to try and stick a finger in me. As for returning the favor... I save that little gem for special occasions when I really want to demonstrate my appreciation of a customer. What about the boyfriend you ask? Well, I couldn't exactly try it on him, now could I? What was I gonna say - "Hey honey, Iay back and relax. I wanna try something on you that I just learned today from a total stranger"? That moment had to wait for the NEXT boyfriend. Oh well, his loss.
CJ
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Return of Cindy
I don't even know where to begin on this one, but the other day Audrey sat me down and dropped a bombshell on me.
"Guess who's out of jail?"
I swear my jaw must have dropped to the floor. "Nooooooooooo! Has it been 9 months already?"
Audrey smiled. "Actually it was only 5 months." I think she saw my brow kinda make a squishing shape because she said "Yeah I know what you're thinking, but I think she's OK now."
For those of you who don't memorize every word that I've written (shame on you! Go get started now - I'll wait), Cindy is a co-worker from the "old days." She was my BFF before Trina and one of my oldest friends. We've all known each other for years, and between all the different places I've worked at, I've probably spent the most time with her. Whenever I have a really freaky story to tell about work - chances are Cindy had something to do with it.
"You hired her back, didn't you?" I asked in my most serious voice. I knew it was a done deal from the second I heard the name "Cindy," but I still wanted to hear her actually say it.
Audrey avoided my eyes. "We need the help." I know why she took her back. She may not be the most consistent worker, but she definitely brings in the customers. Cindy is one of those girls who can really manipulate a guy and get him to do whatever she wants. Oh the stories I could tell...
"No we don't!" I was getting angry now. "It's bad enough trying to make tips with the 3 of us on. Now you want to split things up even more?" I may have said a lot of other things, but I knew arguing didn't matter. What's done is done. But Audrey knows good and well why I don't want her back.
Cindy had a SERIOUS drug problem. That's one of the reasons why we stopped talking to each other a couple years ago. Things headed downhill when she started getting arrested for DUI, possession, theft, etc. Well, that's one of the reasons why Audrey let her go the first time - she was becoming a liability. Showing up to work stoned is one thing. Showing up IN POSESSION is something else. Nothing gets a Business shut down faster than rumors of drugs on the premesis.
But that's the main reason why I had to stop seeing her. I used to love her to death - more than my sister even! I realized I had to dump her when one day I discovered $2500 missing from my purse.
Here's the story... Just a couple years ago business was booming. Ya ever wanna know which way the economy is going - just ask either a carpenter or a masseuse. We're the first to see how people are spending their money! Anyway, I remember it was this holiday weekend and the Business was jumping. Audrey was on vacation so the rest of us were just cleaning up big time.
Cindy and I had been working doubles so we were both loaded with cash (and by "doubles" I mean double shifts and not 2 girls 1 guy. We had our share of those too, but more of that later). It was Sunday night and I was dead tired. Me and another girl were cleaning up around the place so we could lock up and go. The last time I saw Cindy, she was having a smoke with some guy out front I was her ride home, so I knew she wouldn't wander off.
The other girl headed home and I started looking all over for Cindy so we could split. I went outside and there was no one. Back inside I started calling her name - nothing. So then I checked my cell phone. No calls or texts from her. I called her - no answer. I put my phone back in my purse and that's when I noticed that something was wrong. My wallet looked funny, so I opened it.
You ever see a wallet filled with $2500 in cash? It actually LOOKS like it contains $2500 in cash. I mean it bulges in ways you only see in cartoons. And this was my take from working 5 straight shifts from Friday to Sunday night.
So there it was - a completely empty wallet. And you wanna know the worse part? The very first person I thought of was Cindy. My heart was pounding in my chest as I picked my cell phone back up. I was so angry that my hands were shaking as I dialed the phone. After like my 3rd time of trying to push the right buttons I finally got it to work. It went direct to voicemail.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU BETTER BE GAWD DAMNED HOME BECAUSE I'M GOING STRAIGHT THERE."
I didn't actually yell it, I just sort of said it through gritted teeth. Needless to say, she wasn't home when I got there. In fact, I didn't see or hear from her for a couple of weeks. She never showed up to work again, but Audrey later said that she had finally called just to let her know she had quit. I heard from her eventually and it was pretty much as I had suspected. My money from that weekend was long gone. She was sorry.
Things were just never the same again after that. I mean, I still spoke to her now and then. And I'd get the occasional bit of gossip from a mutual friend or a cop/customer. The latter was usually about her getting arrested again for something. Funny thing though - I have always maintained contact with her grandmother. We call each other every couple of weeks or so just to catch up. Nice lady. We don't agree on much, but we both worried about Cindy in our own little way.
And that's it in a nutshell. It's all ancient history to me now. I can work with her, I just wouldn't trust her with 50 cents, let alone my wallet.
CJ
"Guess who's out of jail?"
I swear my jaw must have dropped to the floor. "Nooooooooooo! Has it been 9 months already?"
Audrey smiled. "Actually it was only 5 months." I think she saw my brow kinda make a squishing shape because she said "Yeah I know what you're thinking, but I think she's OK now."
For those of you who don't memorize every word that I've written (shame on you! Go get started now - I'll wait), Cindy is a co-worker from the "old days." She was my BFF before Trina and one of my oldest friends. We've all known each other for years, and between all the different places I've worked at, I've probably spent the most time with her. Whenever I have a really freaky story to tell about work - chances are Cindy had something to do with it.
"You hired her back, didn't you?" I asked in my most serious voice. I knew it was a done deal from the second I heard the name "Cindy," but I still wanted to hear her actually say it.
Audrey avoided my eyes. "We need the help." I know why she took her back. She may not be the most consistent worker, but she definitely brings in the customers. Cindy is one of those girls who can really manipulate a guy and get him to do whatever she wants. Oh the stories I could tell...
"No we don't!" I was getting angry now. "It's bad enough trying to make tips with the 3 of us on. Now you want to split things up even more?" I may have said a lot of other things, but I knew arguing didn't matter. What's done is done. But Audrey knows good and well why I don't want her back.
Cindy had a SERIOUS drug problem. That's one of the reasons why we stopped talking to each other a couple years ago. Things headed downhill when she started getting arrested for DUI, possession, theft, etc. Well, that's one of the reasons why Audrey let her go the first time - she was becoming a liability. Showing up to work stoned is one thing. Showing up IN POSESSION is something else. Nothing gets a Business shut down faster than rumors of drugs on the premesis.
But that's the main reason why I had to stop seeing her. I used to love her to death - more than my sister even! I realized I had to dump her when one day I discovered $2500 missing from my purse.
Here's the story... Just a couple years ago business was booming. Ya ever wanna know which way the economy is going - just ask either a carpenter or a masseuse. We're the first to see how people are spending their money! Anyway, I remember it was this holiday weekend and the Business was jumping. Audrey was on vacation so the rest of us were just cleaning up big time.
Cindy and I had been working doubles so we were both loaded with cash (and by "doubles" I mean double shifts and not 2 girls 1 guy. We had our share of those too, but more of that later). It was Sunday night and I was dead tired. Me and another girl were cleaning up around the place so we could lock up and go. The last time I saw Cindy, she was having a smoke with some guy out front I was her ride home, so I knew she wouldn't wander off.
The other girl headed home and I started looking all over for Cindy so we could split. I went outside and there was no one. Back inside I started calling her name - nothing. So then I checked my cell phone. No calls or texts from her. I called her - no answer. I put my phone back in my purse and that's when I noticed that something was wrong. My wallet looked funny, so I opened it.
You ever see a wallet filled with $2500 in cash? It actually LOOKS like it contains $2500 in cash. I mean it bulges in ways you only see in cartoons. And this was my take from working 5 straight shifts from Friday to Sunday night.
So there it was - a completely empty wallet. And you wanna know the worse part? The very first person I thought of was Cindy. My heart was pounding in my chest as I picked my cell phone back up. I was so angry that my hands were shaking as I dialed the phone. After like my 3rd time of trying to push the right buttons I finally got it to work. It went direct to voicemail.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU BETTER BE GAWD DAMNED HOME BECAUSE I'M GOING STRAIGHT THERE."
I didn't actually yell it, I just sort of said it through gritted teeth. Needless to say, she wasn't home when I got there. In fact, I didn't see or hear from her for a couple of weeks. She never showed up to work again, but Audrey later said that she had finally called just to let her know she had quit. I heard from her eventually and it was pretty much as I had suspected. My money from that weekend was long gone. She was sorry.
Things were just never the same again after that. I mean, I still spoke to her now and then. And I'd get the occasional bit of gossip from a mutual friend or a cop/customer. The latter was usually about her getting arrested again for something. Funny thing though - I have always maintained contact with her grandmother. We call each other every couple of weeks or so just to catch up. Nice lady. We don't agree on much, but we both worried about Cindy in our own little way.
And that's it in a nutshell. It's all ancient history to me now. I can work with her, I just wouldn't trust her with 50 cents, let alone my wallet.
CJ
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
How To Get Free Handjobs - And Other Things I Shouldn't Be Telling You
Sometimes I forget that this is supposed to be a "confessions" thing, but lately the topics have been rather uncomfortable for me. I really hate talking about the legal stuff - as you can tell. I really don't want to turn this into a debate over what we can and can't get away with. Let's just say that all of the stuff that me and fellow masseuses have done over all these years - well, we've gotten away with it. So let's just leave it at that.
Now last time I mentioned how I used to give away happy endings. Well, it was at the first Business I worked at, and I had to put up with it for about a year and a half. But don't bother looking for it now - it's long gone. Like a lot of places, it eventually switched over to full service and closed down. I left way before that happened.
Ya wanna know how many guys I jerked off for free during that first year - too many to count! If you remember, that place was owned by two women I affectionately called Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dawn. They figured that mandatory happy endings were a little legal loophole - after all, it's not prostitution if I give it to you for free! This was one of those "obvious" massage parlors. I mean, it didn't even try to look like a day spa or anything. At that time the place was partly full-service (except for good girls like me). Not that it was supposed to be - but some girls were breaking the rules big time.
This was the deal... The house pocketed all the "massage" money at the door. The only $$ we made were off the options in the room. I think back in those days we charged $40 for topless, $60 for G-string, $80 for nude and $100 for mutual. Then there was the "no options" option - which was a straight massage where I kept all my clothes on, but I still had to give a happy ending!
Now that I think about it, I'd say about half my customers back then were the "no option" cheapskates. How on Earth did we put up with it you ask? Well, the paying customers more than made up for it. But after a couple months of free handjobs, I started to bitch to the other girls and eventually we came up with a plan. We started asking for a $20 "tip" for the massages up front.
This plan was implemented with mixed results. Some guys told us to go fuck ourselves, while most just gave in. Then there were a few who "tipped" us a dollar or 2 - just to piss us off. They were still getting their happy ending, but NOW it was starting to make us angry. So we all finally complained to Dee and Dawn and they agreed to let us stop with the mandatory HJs.
But before you guys start accusing me of false advertising, I will let you know right now that there are still businesses out there that give it up for free. In fact, one of the full-service Businesses across town still offers handjobs for a $5 massage tip (but their girls are all skanks and not nearly as nice as us!). But I try not to mention that little tidbit in front of OUR customers.
So that's your tip of the day - if you're willing to give up a nice view of a half naked masseuse, you may get a freebee out of it. Wait to see what options they offer then go for none (or the cheapest). There's a pretty good chance that your masseuse will make your day - Just because she wants to! LOL
CJ
Now last time I mentioned how I used to give away happy endings. Well, it was at the first Business I worked at, and I had to put up with it for about a year and a half. But don't bother looking for it now - it's long gone. Like a lot of places, it eventually switched over to full service and closed down. I left way before that happened.
Ya wanna know how many guys I jerked off for free during that first year - too many to count! If you remember, that place was owned by two women I affectionately called Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dawn. They figured that mandatory happy endings were a little legal loophole - after all, it's not prostitution if I give it to you for free! This was one of those "obvious" massage parlors. I mean, it didn't even try to look like a day spa or anything. At that time the place was partly full-service (except for good girls like me). Not that it was supposed to be - but some girls were breaking the rules big time.
This was the deal... The house pocketed all the "massage" money at the door. The only $$ we made were off the options in the room. I think back in those days we charged $40 for topless, $60 for G-string, $80 for nude and $100 for mutual. Then there was the "no options" option - which was a straight massage where I kept all my clothes on, but I still had to give a happy ending!
Now that I think about it, I'd say about half my customers back then were the "no option" cheapskates. How on Earth did we put up with it you ask? Well, the paying customers more than made up for it. But after a couple months of free handjobs, I started to bitch to the other girls and eventually we came up with a plan. We started asking for a $20 "tip" for the massages up front.
This plan was implemented with mixed results. Some guys told us to go fuck ourselves, while most just gave in. Then there were a few who "tipped" us a dollar or 2 - just to piss us off. They were still getting their happy ending, but NOW it was starting to make us angry. So we all finally complained to Dee and Dawn and they agreed to let us stop with the mandatory HJs.
But before you guys start accusing me of false advertising, I will let you know right now that there are still businesses out there that give it up for free. In fact, one of the full-service Businesses across town still offers handjobs for a $5 massage tip (but their girls are all skanks and not nearly as nice as us!). But I try not to mention that little tidbit in front of OUR customers.
So that's your tip of the day - if you're willing to give up a nice view of a half naked masseuse, you may get a freebee out of it. Wait to see what options they offer then go for none (or the cheapest). There's a pretty good chance that your masseuse will make your day - Just because she wants to! LOL
CJ
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Free Handjobs For Everyone!
Now that I have your attention - I noticed that my buddies Thorn and Reflex and have been going at it in the comments about the nature of The Business. Well there was one thing they brought up that I wanted to talk about.
You may have noticed that over the past year, I have tried to avoid the so called "legal" aspects of the erotic massage business. I did this intentionally since 1) I am not a lawyer, 2) I've always been uncomfortable debating what's "legal," and 3) I do NOT want to attract the attention of anyone interested in shutting us down. The way I look at it is that I provide relaxing massages and stress relief to customers who ask. That's it. I don't think there's any point in making any more out of it.
This is why I hate getting lumped under the term of "sex worker." On my left is a crack-ho and on my right is a stripper. I think I should be under "healthcare" since most of what I do is a form of therapy. Stay with me here... If I spend 40 minutes performing therapeutic massage, but only 5 minutes performing hand releases - then I'm technically 89% Therapist and only 11% Sex Worker. Heck - my services should be 89% covered by insurance!
Now there's something very important that I want to explain to all of you. I have never been paid for a handjob. Yes - you read that correctly. I have never accepted money in exchange for a hand release. I know that sounds contrary to everything I've talked about here, but that's what we are taught from the very beginning in this Business.
Let me explain... An Erotic Masseuse cannot accept money in exchange for a hand release. THAT would be prostitution. We can accept money for a massage and that's it. If you "tip" me for my services then I might get "more comfortable" in the room and remove various articles of clothing. And if I like you, then maybe I'll provide a little bit of stress relief in the form of a hand release at the very end.
I know that may sound like a load of crap, BUT that's our story and we swear by it. I remember at my very first job how my bosses sat me down and explained to me all the things we needed to do to cover our asses from a legal standpoint. This included:
The Speech
"If there's any part of your body you'd like me to massage, please indicate so by placing my hand there..."
The Release
We don't give handjobs, we provide hand releases.
The Happy Ending
Customers don't have to ask for it - we give them because we want to. I worked at this 1 place where we were REQUIRED to give happy endings to ALL customers - regardless of whether they tipped or not. So a guy could come in and just pay for a massage with no options, and we'd still have to take care of him. To make it worse, we didn't get paid for therapeutics, so more than once I gave hand releases basically for free!
Tipping
We don't get paid by customers, we get tipped. Some places also have weird rules about who handles money so there is never a direct exchange of cash with the masseuses.
Audrey has a lawyer (he's not just a lawyer, he's also a customer! LOL) who advises her on these things. He tells her what she can and can't say on legal documents, advertisements, logbooks, mail, etc. In fact, every place I've worked at had lawyers. You'd be surprised just how much paperwork is involved when running a business. Anyway, he also tells us what we can and can't say on the phone, in the rooms, etc.
Some of you are probably thinking that none of this matters if someone really wants to shut a Business down, and you may be right. But remember, we're not full service and if everyone sticks to the script then the neighbors won't notice us - and THAT's the key to staying in business. It's the full service brothels that get shut down way before the massage parlors. And that's usually because they drew too much attention to themselves, or they weren't keeping up with the payola.
So the lawbooks may try to lump all types of activity under "prostitution" but the reality is that some things are a hell of a lot harder to prove than others. I've never been in a place that got shut down, but I have left places that ended up getting shut down because I could see the writing on the wall.
The Business seems to be pretty safe at the moment, as long as Audrey and Trina don't do anything stupid. I kinda trust Audrey since I know she only does full service with some of her Regulars. It's Trina I'm worried about. I can see her saying the wrong thing to the wrong person and ruining it for all of us. She's kinda dumb that way, but that's another story...
CJ
You may have noticed that over the past year, I have tried to avoid the so called "legal" aspects of the erotic massage business. I did this intentionally since 1) I am not a lawyer, 2) I've always been uncomfortable debating what's "legal," and 3) I do NOT want to attract the attention of anyone interested in shutting us down. The way I look at it is that I provide relaxing massages and stress relief to customers who ask. That's it. I don't think there's any point in making any more out of it.
This is why I hate getting lumped under the term of "sex worker." On my left is a crack-ho and on my right is a stripper. I think I should be under "healthcare" since most of what I do is a form of therapy. Stay with me here... If I spend 40 minutes performing therapeutic massage, but only 5 minutes performing hand releases - then I'm technically 89% Therapist and only 11% Sex Worker. Heck - my services should be 89% covered by insurance!
Now there's something very important that I want to explain to all of you. I have never been paid for a handjob. Yes - you read that correctly. I have never accepted money in exchange for a hand release. I know that sounds contrary to everything I've talked about here, but that's what we are taught from the very beginning in this Business.
Let me explain... An Erotic Masseuse cannot accept money in exchange for a hand release. THAT would be prostitution. We can accept money for a massage and that's it. If you "tip" me for my services then I might get "more comfortable" in the room and remove various articles of clothing. And if I like you, then maybe I'll provide a little bit of stress relief in the form of a hand release at the very end.
I know that may sound like a load of crap, BUT that's our story and we swear by it. I remember at my very first job how my bosses sat me down and explained to me all the things we needed to do to cover our asses from a legal standpoint. This included:
The Speech
"If there's any part of your body you'd like me to massage, please indicate so by placing my hand there..."
The Release
We don't give handjobs, we provide hand releases.
The Happy Ending
Customers don't have to ask for it - we give them because we want to. I worked at this 1 place where we were REQUIRED to give happy endings to ALL customers - regardless of whether they tipped or not. So a guy could come in and just pay for a massage with no options, and we'd still have to take care of him. To make it worse, we didn't get paid for therapeutics, so more than once I gave hand releases basically for free!
Tipping
We don't get paid by customers, we get tipped. Some places also have weird rules about who handles money so there is never a direct exchange of cash with the masseuses.
Audrey has a lawyer (he's not just a lawyer, he's also a customer! LOL) who advises her on these things. He tells her what she can and can't say on legal documents, advertisements, logbooks, mail, etc. In fact, every place I've worked at had lawyers. You'd be surprised just how much paperwork is involved when running a business. Anyway, he also tells us what we can and can't say on the phone, in the rooms, etc.
Some of you are probably thinking that none of this matters if someone really wants to shut a Business down, and you may be right. But remember, we're not full service and if everyone sticks to the script then the neighbors won't notice us - and THAT's the key to staying in business. It's the full service brothels that get shut down way before the massage parlors. And that's usually because they drew too much attention to themselves, or they weren't keeping up with the payola.
So the lawbooks may try to lump all types of activity under "prostitution" but the reality is that some things are a hell of a lot harder to prove than others. I've never been in a place that got shut down, but I have left places that ended up getting shut down because I could see the writing on the wall.
The Business seems to be pretty safe at the moment, as long as Audrey and Trina don't do anything stupid. I kinda trust Audrey since I know she only does full service with some of her Regulars. It's Trina I'm worried about. I can see her saying the wrong thing to the wrong person and ruining it for all of us. She's kinda dumb that way, but that's another story...
CJ
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!
This year I didn't make out like a bandit (as I have in years past). Blame it on the economy I guess. Fewer customers over the past week, but the tips were better than average. I guess a few people out there still have the Christmas spirit!
I got a lot of gift cards from customers this year. And if you were wondering, I did get 1 from Sugar Daddy Pete. $400 for Victoria's Secret (and this right before their semi-annual sale!!!). God Bless him. Another Regular sent us a giant fruit basket. I mean it was HUGE. Totally weird if you ask me. Oh well - have yourselves a Merry little Christmas!
CJ
This year I didn't make out like a bandit (as I have in years past). Blame it on the economy I guess. Fewer customers over the past week, but the tips were better than average. I guess a few people out there still have the Christmas spirit!
I got a lot of gift cards from customers this year. And if you were wondering, I did get 1 from Sugar Daddy Pete. $400 for Victoria's Secret (and this right before their semi-annual sale!!!). God Bless him. Another Regular sent us a giant fruit basket. I mean it was HUGE. Totally weird if you ask me. Oh well - have yourselves a Merry little Christmas!
CJ
Monday, December 22, 2008
Confessions of a Licensed Massage Therapist
I've been getting a lot of questions and comments recently from newbies who have been thinking of getting their first erotic massage. Now there were a few guys who asked me about how to request the "Happy ending" when it suddenly dawned on me... they weren't talking about massage parlors - they were talking about licensed massage therapists (LMTs) in regular day spas!!!! Let me make this point clear:
NOT ALL MASSEUSES GIVE HAPPY ENDINGS.
This is an important tip and I think some of my friends out there may have missed it. So let me say this again so it sinks in:
NOT ALL MASSEUSES GIVE HAPPY ENDINGS.
Perhaps I didn't make myself perfectly clear when I started telling you guys all these massage parlor secrets. Most massage providers are legitimate businesses that provide therapeutic massage by LMTs. What I do for a living is called "Erotic Massage" and most places do not provide that. Erotic Massage is sort of the red-headed, bastard, stepchild of the massage industry.
So I'm going to take this moment to explain to you guys out there the basics of therapeutic massage so no one makes that horrible mistake. So put your pants back on and pay attention, OK?
For purposes of this lesson, I will refer to therapeutic massage providers as "day spas" and erotic massage providers as "massage parlors." In an earlier post I described how to tell the difference between a massage parlor and a day spa - so just flip that info around. Now you're looking for businesses that use LMTs. I am also a LMT, but I am one of the few around here that do erotic massage. Some parlors like to keep one around to help look legitimate.
Massage Types
When you go for your first therapeutic massage, it may go under a number of names including:
Sports
Shiatsu
Swedish
Reiki
Deep Tissue
Relaxing
Each one has it's own special techniques. If anyone tells you they're all the same, then they're full of shit. I'll go over them quickly so you know what to expect from each. For example, "sports" massage is the hardest form (and by hard I mean pressure, and nothing else you perv). It involves employing a lot of pressure using the hands, fingers, palms, and in some cases elbows and forearms. It also requires a lot of knowledge about anatomy since the LMT has to know how to deal specifically with sports injuries. I hate to break your bubbles guys, but personally I think men do this one better since it requires intense pressure with the hands.
"Shiatsu" is the second hardest form. Basically it's intense pressure applied with the fingers, palms and thumbs, with emphasis on certain pressure points on the body (See? I actually remember quite a bit of my LMT training).
"Swedish" is what most people associate with therapeutic massage. It's more of a gentle style with lots of caressing and rubbing (no - not the naughty kind).
"Reiki" I don't know much about. It's supposed to be about manipulating the energy fields of the body. I remember having this one reiki session during my training with this really greasy looking hippy chick. She would rub my back with giant circular motions - like she was cleaning a giant dinner plate. Then she'd shake off her hands as if rinsing all the food crumbs off. She said it was to remove all the negative energies. Personally I think it's a load of crap.
Now "deep tissue" and "relaxing" aren't massage types, they are styles. Deep tissue uses the hard techniques of sports and shiatsu, while relaxing uses the softer caressing techniques of swedish. I will tell you right now that 90% of the LMT's out there give only a relaxing massage with a little deep tissue thrown in. This is because most customers don't know the difference and/or don't care. So when you make your appointment, don't expect the harder forms of shiatsu or sports unless you actually request it.
My personal style is mostly relaxing with deep tissue thrown in if the customer needs it. I'll even do sports by request (I get this mostly from truckers who've actually strained something while working). But when I'm feeling lazy, in a hurry, or I just find you annoying - you'll get a relaxing only.
Massage Etiquette
OK, now you know what to ask for before you start, so let's go over what to expect in the room. The first thing your masseuse is gonna do is ask you to get "comfortable." This means to either get naked or strip down to underwear and then slip underneath the sheet (or towel). Personally, I prefer that you keep the underwear on for a therapeutic, but if you're getting a full body massage that includes the glutes, then you want them off. For you shy types out there - don't worry. If you go commando, the masseuse will ALWAYS keep you discretely covered. In fact, some masseuses will always keep you under a sheet and only uncover the parts of the body as they're worked.
Massages always start with you on your stomach. A basic massage will include the neck, shoulders, upper and lower back, thighs and calves. A full-body massage will also include the upper arms and feet (I won't do feet no matter how much you pay me).
When the back is finished, the masseuse will then ask you to flip over. This is a perfectly normal part of the massage and is not an indication that you are about to get jerked off. Let me repeat this for those of you who are slow learners... Being asked to flip over is NOT the same as offering a happy ending! I had one guy tell me that he once got up and left in the middle of a massage because he knew he was in one of “those” places when the masseuse asked him to flip over. She was going to massage your chest – dumbass. Anyway, the basic massage includes the pecs and the front of the thighs. Full-body will add the lower arms, hands, torso, lower legs and in some cases the head and face.
If I'm doing a 30 minute session, I usually go straight to happy ending after the flip since there's rarely enough time to do the chest and legs justice. In longer sessions, I do the front of the shoulders, chest and front of the thighs. If I'm doing a therapeutic, then they get the whole enchilada.
Speaking of enchiladas, I know some of you are wondering at this point, "I can't get my front massaged - I'll get a woody!" To you I say... Do you really think you're the first guy on the planet to sport wood during a normal massage? They actually teach us how to deal with this in massage school. We just throw an extra towel over you to hide it. That's it. End of crisis.
Now just because you didn't get a happy ending doesn't mean you shouldn't tip. I suggest $20 because the house usually pockets most of the money (unless it's a private practice). When I was still working the day spa, I was totally desperate for tips to supplement my salary since I got paid shit.
How To Ask A Masseuse For A Handjob
For those of you who are still puzzling over the age-old question "How do I ask a masseuse for a happy ending?" - there is a simple answer.
The answer is "Never." You NEVER ask a masseuse for a happy ending for two reasons. First, if you're in a massage parlor it is understood that you're getting one (did you really think she took her top off for therapeutic reasons?). Second, if you're in a day spa, then you just committed what's known in legal circles as "solicitation." Look - I know that some of you guys play golf with a guy who had a college roommate that once talked a masseuse into a happy ending. But let me tell ya, you have as much chance of getting a handjob in a day spa as you have getting a handjob in a supermarket. Go back to reading your Penthouse Letters guys.
Now I'm hoping that lots of you guys get gift certificates for massages this Christmas. Then you can practice what I've taught you and report back. And please... don't embarass yourself by asking poor hard working girls for happy endings when they're barely earning more than minimum wage to massage your sorry butts!
CJ
NOT ALL MASSEUSES GIVE HAPPY ENDINGS.
This is an important tip and I think some of my friends out there may have missed it. So let me say this again so it sinks in:
NOT ALL MASSEUSES GIVE HAPPY ENDINGS.
Perhaps I didn't make myself perfectly clear when I started telling you guys all these massage parlor secrets. Most massage providers are legitimate businesses that provide therapeutic massage by LMTs. What I do for a living is called "Erotic Massage" and most places do not provide that. Erotic Massage is sort of the red-headed, bastard, stepchild of the massage industry.
So I'm going to take this moment to explain to you guys out there the basics of therapeutic massage so no one makes that horrible mistake. So put your pants back on and pay attention, OK?
For purposes of this lesson, I will refer to therapeutic massage providers as "day spas" and erotic massage providers as "massage parlors." In an earlier post I described how to tell the difference between a massage parlor and a day spa - so just flip that info around. Now you're looking for businesses that use LMTs. I am also a LMT, but I am one of the few around here that do erotic massage. Some parlors like to keep one around to help look legitimate.
Massage Types
When you go for your first therapeutic massage, it may go under a number of names including:
Sports
Shiatsu
Swedish
Reiki
Deep Tissue
Relaxing
Each one has it's own special techniques. If anyone tells you they're all the same, then they're full of shit. I'll go over them quickly so you know what to expect from each. For example, "sports" massage is the hardest form (and by hard I mean pressure, and nothing else you perv). It involves employing a lot of pressure using the hands, fingers, palms, and in some cases elbows and forearms. It also requires a lot of knowledge about anatomy since the LMT has to know how to deal specifically with sports injuries. I hate to break your bubbles guys, but personally I think men do this one better since it requires intense pressure with the hands.
"Shiatsu" is the second hardest form. Basically it's intense pressure applied with the fingers, palms and thumbs, with emphasis on certain pressure points on the body (See? I actually remember quite a bit of my LMT training).
"Swedish" is what most people associate with therapeutic massage. It's more of a gentle style with lots of caressing and rubbing (no - not the naughty kind).
"Reiki" I don't know much about. It's supposed to be about manipulating the energy fields of the body. I remember having this one reiki session during my training with this really greasy looking hippy chick. She would rub my back with giant circular motions - like she was cleaning a giant dinner plate. Then she'd shake off her hands as if rinsing all the food crumbs off. She said it was to remove all the negative energies. Personally I think it's a load of crap.
Now "deep tissue" and "relaxing" aren't massage types, they are styles. Deep tissue uses the hard techniques of sports and shiatsu, while relaxing uses the softer caressing techniques of swedish. I will tell you right now that 90% of the LMT's out there give only a relaxing massage with a little deep tissue thrown in. This is because most customers don't know the difference and/or don't care. So when you make your appointment, don't expect the harder forms of shiatsu or sports unless you actually request it.
My personal style is mostly relaxing with deep tissue thrown in if the customer needs it. I'll even do sports by request (I get this mostly from truckers who've actually strained something while working). But when I'm feeling lazy, in a hurry, or I just find you annoying - you'll get a relaxing only.
Massage Etiquette
OK, now you know what to ask for before you start, so let's go over what to expect in the room. The first thing your masseuse is gonna do is ask you to get "comfortable." This means to either get naked or strip down to underwear and then slip underneath the sheet (or towel). Personally, I prefer that you keep the underwear on for a therapeutic, but if you're getting a full body massage that includes the glutes, then you want them off. For you shy types out there - don't worry. If you go commando, the masseuse will ALWAYS keep you discretely covered. In fact, some masseuses will always keep you under a sheet and only uncover the parts of the body as they're worked.
Massages always start with you on your stomach. A basic massage will include the neck, shoulders, upper and lower back, thighs and calves. A full-body massage will also include the upper arms and feet (I won't do feet no matter how much you pay me).
When the back is finished, the masseuse will then ask you to flip over. This is a perfectly normal part of the massage and is not an indication that you are about to get jerked off. Let me repeat this for those of you who are slow learners... Being asked to flip over is NOT the same as offering a happy ending! I had one guy tell me that he once got up and left in the middle of a massage because he knew he was in one of “those” places when the masseuse asked him to flip over. She was going to massage your chest – dumbass. Anyway, the basic massage includes the pecs and the front of the thighs. Full-body will add the lower arms, hands, torso, lower legs and in some cases the head and face.
If I'm doing a 30 minute session, I usually go straight to happy ending after the flip since there's rarely enough time to do the chest and legs justice. In longer sessions, I do the front of the shoulders, chest and front of the thighs. If I'm doing a therapeutic, then they get the whole enchilada.
Speaking of enchiladas, I know some of you are wondering at this point, "I can't get my front massaged - I'll get a woody!" To you I say... Do you really think you're the first guy on the planet to sport wood during a normal massage? They actually teach us how to deal with this in massage school. We just throw an extra towel over you to hide it. That's it. End of crisis.
Now just because you didn't get a happy ending doesn't mean you shouldn't tip. I suggest $20 because the house usually pockets most of the money (unless it's a private practice). When I was still working the day spa, I was totally desperate for tips to supplement my salary since I got paid shit.
How To Ask A Masseuse For A Handjob
For those of you who are still puzzling over the age-old question "How do I ask a masseuse for a happy ending?" - there is a simple answer.
The answer is "Never." You NEVER ask a masseuse for a happy ending for two reasons. First, if you're in a massage parlor it is understood that you're getting one (did you really think she took her top off for therapeutic reasons?). Second, if you're in a day spa, then you just committed what's known in legal circles as "solicitation." Look - I know that some of you guys play golf with a guy who had a college roommate that once talked a masseuse into a happy ending. But let me tell ya, you have as much chance of getting a handjob in a day spa as you have getting a handjob in a supermarket. Go back to reading your Penthouse Letters guys.
Now I'm hoping that lots of you guys get gift certificates for massages this Christmas. Then you can practice what I've taught you and report back. And please... don't embarass yourself by asking poor hard working girls for happy endings when they're barely earning more than minimum wage to massage your sorry butts!
CJ
Friday, December 19, 2008
Confessions of an Erotic Blogger!
Hey guys!
Check it out, I'm famous! I was asked to write something about keeping yourself anonymous on the internet for the website techburgh.com. You can read it by clicking here.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like a celebrity now. Even though I post here all the time, there's something different about seeing your stuff on another website. It's like when the teacher asks you to read your essay about your summer vacation to the whole class because it was the best one. That's what it feels like! LOL
CJ
Check it out, I'm famous! I was asked to write something about keeping yourself anonymous on the internet for the website techburgh.com. You can read it by clicking here.
I don't know what it is, but I feel like a celebrity now. Even though I post here all the time, there's something different about seeing your stuff on another website. It's like when the teacher asks you to read your essay about your summer vacation to the whole class because it was the best one. That's what it feels like! LOL
CJ
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Happy Anniversary!
Wow - would you believe I've doing this shit for a whole year now? The other day I took a peek at my first few attempts at writing on the internet and realized how much things have changed... Boy I sucked! How could you guys read that crap? I was cringing as I went over some of my first blog entries. And Gawd was I dramatic! It looked more like something out of the National Enquirer rather than the factual tell-all I wanted.
Anyway, I thought this would be a good time for me to talk about this blog and how it's affected me over the past year. That's what you're supposed to do every December, right?
Let me start off by saying that you guys have all been great. I've had so much fun talking about and sharing all this crap. I've had the opportunity to chat with fellow masseuses about the ins and outs (no pun intended) of The Business. And I've been able to give personal advice to guys about to try their first erotic massage (Where did ya go? I'm waiting for your stories!).
When I started doing this, I really didn't know what to expect. At first I figured this would be a quick and easy way to get some stuff off my chest (again no pun intended) and maybe get a couple of laughs. It was just so much easier (and safer) than having a real paper diary. And even better - I could confess whatever I wanted, and get real advice and feedback from others.
One of the best things I got out of all this was questions, comments and advice from people totally outside The Business. Before this blog, I would NEVER EVER EVER have considered telling any non-masseuses about work. You can't really appreciate what an incredible relief it was for me to suddenly have this outlet - where I could tell a story about a customer, or bitch about my boss, or just admit the real reason why my left hand is always sore. Now I feel totally free to complain about a bad day at work and not worry about being judged, and maybe even find a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I can't thank you guys enough for being so nice to me!
Then I discovered another benefit of talking about work online - I got insight and feedback from other people in The Business! I mean I've been doing erotic massage for about 10 years now, and I thought I knew everything there was to know. But then I started to hear from girls all over the country who made me realize that I still have a lot to learn and to share.
Another thing I wanted to mention is that I've had the opportunity to chat with not only fellow masseuses, but dancers and escorts as well. After listening to some of their stories and advice, I would like to say right now that I've softened my stance on other types of sex workers and I'll apologize right now if I've offended some of you (one working girl to another!).
A few months ago I put my e-mail address on my profile so you guys could ask private questions if you wanted. It was great hearing from you - particularly the ones who were about to try their first erotic massage. But one thing I wasn't expecting were the requests by some of you guys to come see me at The Business. WOW - was I flattered! I mean, it NEVER occurred to me to use the internet to advertise. For real! I've since learned that a lot of other Businesses use Craigslist and other websites to advertise their servcies (did I have a lot to learn!). We have always relied on classifieds, billboards and word of mouth. Now I discover that most people look to the internet first, and Craigslist has become the worlds biggest pimp daddy.
Let me tell ya, considering how bad business has been recently, I WISH I could have seen all of you. But I learned a long time ago that in this line of work, anonymity is absolutely essential. I would never be able to write about work, the boss, and especially my precious "Freak of the Week" if I wasn't anonymous. I hope you guys can understand that. But boy, I would love to drum up new business if I could. If only there were a tiny little version of the internet that only existed in SE PA and I could instantly banish any stalkers and weirdos... Oh well.
One last thing I wanted to share is that when I first started, I wasn't sure what to write about. I figured you all would ask questions and I'd answer them, or I'd tell you about some freaky customer I just had. I never would have guessed that I'd eventually be talking about politics, human trafficking, or my own personal faults and weaknesses. After re-reading a few of the old posts, I saw how I went from less than honest on a few topics - to total confessions a short year later. In fact, I've admitted a few things on this blog first that Trina later yelled at me about for not telling her.
And there ya have it - a year of secrets and confessions from the world of erotic massage. I hope somebody out there was paying attention and learned something! And here's to another year... may it be filled with Freaks, Sugar Daddies, ditzy co-workers, and bitchy bosses to keep you entertained.
CJ
Anyway, I thought this would be a good time for me to talk about this blog and how it's affected me over the past year. That's what you're supposed to do every December, right?
Let me start off by saying that you guys have all been great. I've had so much fun talking about and sharing all this crap. I've had the opportunity to chat with fellow masseuses about the ins and outs (no pun intended) of The Business. And I've been able to give personal advice to guys about to try their first erotic massage (Where did ya go? I'm waiting for your stories!).
When I started doing this, I really didn't know what to expect. At first I figured this would be a quick and easy way to get some stuff off my chest (again no pun intended) and maybe get a couple of laughs. It was just so much easier (and safer) than having a real paper diary. And even better - I could confess whatever I wanted, and get real advice and feedback from others.
One of the best things I got out of all this was questions, comments and advice from people totally outside The Business. Before this blog, I would NEVER EVER EVER have considered telling any non-masseuses about work. You can't really appreciate what an incredible relief it was for me to suddenly have this outlet - where I could tell a story about a customer, or bitch about my boss, or just admit the real reason why my left hand is always sore. Now I feel totally free to complain about a bad day at work and not worry about being judged, and maybe even find a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I can't thank you guys enough for being so nice to me!
Then I discovered another benefit of talking about work online - I got insight and feedback from other people in The Business! I mean I've been doing erotic massage for about 10 years now, and I thought I knew everything there was to know. But then I started to hear from girls all over the country who made me realize that I still have a lot to learn and to share.
Another thing I wanted to mention is that I've had the opportunity to chat with not only fellow masseuses, but dancers and escorts as well. After listening to some of their stories and advice, I would like to say right now that I've softened my stance on other types of sex workers and I'll apologize right now if I've offended some of you (one working girl to another!).
A few months ago I put my e-mail address on my profile so you guys could ask private questions if you wanted. It was great hearing from you - particularly the ones who were about to try their first erotic massage. But one thing I wasn't expecting were the requests by some of you guys to come see me at The Business. WOW - was I flattered! I mean, it NEVER occurred to me to use the internet to advertise. For real! I've since learned that a lot of other Businesses use Craigslist and other websites to advertise their servcies (did I have a lot to learn!). We have always relied on classifieds, billboards and word of mouth. Now I discover that most people look to the internet first, and Craigslist has become the worlds biggest pimp daddy.
Let me tell ya, considering how bad business has been recently, I WISH I could have seen all of you. But I learned a long time ago that in this line of work, anonymity is absolutely essential. I would never be able to write about work, the boss, and especially my precious "Freak of the Week" if I wasn't anonymous. I hope you guys can understand that. But boy, I would love to drum up new business if I could. If only there were a tiny little version of the internet that only existed in SE PA and I could instantly banish any stalkers and weirdos... Oh well.
One last thing I wanted to share is that when I first started, I wasn't sure what to write about. I figured you all would ask questions and I'd answer them, or I'd tell you about some freaky customer I just had. I never would have guessed that I'd eventually be talking about politics, human trafficking, or my own personal faults and weaknesses. After re-reading a few of the old posts, I saw how I went from less than honest on a few topics - to total confessions a short year later. In fact, I've admitted a few things on this blog first that Trina later yelled at me about for not telling her.
And there ya have it - a year of secrets and confessions from the world of erotic massage. I hope somebody out there was paying attention and learned something! And here's to another year... may it be filled with Freaks, Sugar Daddies, ditzy co-workers, and bitchy bosses to keep you entertained.
CJ
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sugar Daddies - Part 2
The whole sugar daddy thing is really stressing me out, so if you don't mind I'd like to drop the topic for now. Let's talk about more fun stuff! But if you don't mind there are a few things I'd like to clear up for all the newbies out there that have been asking questions.
First off, let me define for you guys again exactly what a "Sugar Daddy" is. Remember your friend Mike who used to spend his entire paycheck on a stripper named Crystal because "...she's not like the others..."? Well, he's not a sugar daddy. Now the guy who owns Mikes company, who keeps his girlfriend in an apartment 2 blocks from the office just so he can get a nooner - He's a sugar daddy.
What's the difference you ask? Cash was spent in both cases, but being a SD is a power thing. I can't speak for other girls who've been Sugar Babies, but in my experience I've seen 3 different types.
Since I'm not full service, I've only had 2 types. The first is the guy who just wants arm candy and is willing to pay for it. This is the guy who wants you around just to make him look good. I've had a couple of these and boy are they fun! My job was to hang all over them in front of their jealous friends and be the life of the party. Think of it as being a cruise director for 1 guy. This is the best gig to get since you're wined and dined (and occasionally travel!). Plus the guy knows it's just for show so they usually don't give you any trouble.
The second kind of SD is the "Father" type. These guys want to LITERALLY daddy you. I guess I'd call Pete one of these since he's been trying to "take care" of me. These guys shower you with attention, gifts and money. I hate to make a stereotype here, but they tend to have really fucked up family lives. I think their deal is that they really just want to feel like they're taking care of someone who actually appreciates it as opposed to their family members who take him for granted.
Some of these guys expect sex and some don't. The problem with this type unfortunately is that eventually they end up trying to seduce you and expect you to give in as a "symbol" of your appreciation for all that they've done for you. It can get messy (no pun intended), but not all the time. My Sugar Daddy Brad is an example - keeps telling me to go back to school or buy my own business or whatever. And only on occasion will he badger me for a blowjob. LOL
Lastly, there's the dominance guys. These are the ones that you're all probably thinking of when I say "Sugar Daddy." They get sex out of it, but it's not really about getting laid. Remember Eliot Spitzer? He spent $5000 to get laid, but he wasn't a SD. For these guys it's all about having a girl at their beck and call 24/7. I could never do this because I hate being bossed around, but I've had girlfriends who've had this kind of arrangement. It's not a bad gig if you can get it and the SD isn't abusive.
And that's the last word on Sugar Daddies for now.
I need a new Freak of the Week. Where the Hell were all you guys during Thanksgiving weekend?
CJ
First off, let me define for you guys again exactly what a "Sugar Daddy" is. Remember your friend Mike who used to spend his entire paycheck on a stripper named Crystal because "...she's not like the others..."? Well, he's not a sugar daddy. Now the guy who owns Mikes company, who keeps his girlfriend in an apartment 2 blocks from the office just so he can get a nooner - He's a sugar daddy.
What's the difference you ask? Cash was spent in both cases, but being a SD is a power thing. I can't speak for other girls who've been Sugar Babies, but in my experience I've seen 3 different types.
Since I'm not full service, I've only had 2 types. The first is the guy who just wants arm candy and is willing to pay for it. This is the guy who wants you around just to make him look good. I've had a couple of these and boy are they fun! My job was to hang all over them in front of their jealous friends and be the life of the party. Think of it as being a cruise director for 1 guy. This is the best gig to get since you're wined and dined (and occasionally travel!). Plus the guy knows it's just for show so they usually don't give you any trouble.
The second kind of SD is the "Father" type. These guys want to LITERALLY daddy you. I guess I'd call Pete one of these since he's been trying to "take care" of me. These guys shower you with attention, gifts and money. I hate to make a stereotype here, but they tend to have really fucked up family lives. I think their deal is that they really just want to feel like they're taking care of someone who actually appreciates it as opposed to their family members who take him for granted.
Some of these guys expect sex and some don't. The problem with this type unfortunately is that eventually they end up trying to seduce you and expect you to give in as a "symbol" of your appreciation for all that they've done for you. It can get messy (no pun intended), but not all the time. My Sugar Daddy Brad is an example - keeps telling me to go back to school or buy my own business or whatever. And only on occasion will he badger me for a blowjob. LOL
Lastly, there's the dominance guys. These are the ones that you're all probably thinking of when I say "Sugar Daddy." They get sex out of it, but it's not really about getting laid. Remember Eliot Spitzer? He spent $5000 to get laid, but he wasn't a SD. For these guys it's all about having a girl at their beck and call 24/7. I could never do this because I hate being bossed around, but I've had girlfriends who've had this kind of arrangement. It's not a bad gig if you can get it and the SD isn't abusive.
And that's the last word on Sugar Daddies for now.
I need a new Freak of the Week. Where the Hell were all you guys during Thanksgiving weekend?
CJ
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sugar Daddies Revisited
I noticed how much controversy my little date with Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) generated the other week, so I decided to clear up a few things on the whole Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby thing.
I really didn't expect to see the lively (for lack of a better word) discussion between you guys. I was going to weigh in, but then it just got way too long to leave in the comments section.
I re-read my post on SDP. At the very least, I may have mis-represented myself. And at the worst, I was outright lying to myself and to you guys. Anyway, I think the problem started when I said the nature of the Sugar Daddy relationship is 90% business and 10% personal. I cringed when I realized I had said that. I'm pretty sure I was trying to describe SD's in general with that comment, but I ended up sounding like a greedy gold-digging skank.
In my own personal life, I haven't viewed my own SDs that way. When you're not full service (like me), that takes the "services rendered" part right out of the relationship. That's why I'm totally up front with anyone who wants to see me outside of work. Let me tell ya - I've lost a lot of potential SD's that way too, but I'm not going to sit there and take someone's money and just lead him around thinking he's gonna get it eventually. One of you guys commented along those lines, and I assure you I would never do that.
Now I've had guys accuse me of "leading them on" many times. But these were all just regular customers. Let me take a moment to explain something to those guys: IT'S JUST A HANDJOB. You're not special - you all got one.
Anyway, let's get back to SDP. I will be the first to confess that I was NOT totally upfront with him on this. And that's why I had to eventually explain it before things moved on. And I'm pretty sure it's clear now (at least I hope it's clear now).
I've been friends with all of my past SDs. Still am in some cases. Like I've said before, it's hard to NOT have sex sometimes. All the guys I take on as SDs are doing it for the company, the arm candy, and the occasional hand release (and in one rare case for pimping out a girlfriend to one of their buddies, but that's another story). When I think about it now, I can recall only once that I eventually had to let a SD go because he wanted to "upgrade" to full service.
So that's the real story. Am I back peddling from what I said before? Maybe! But it's a girls right to change her story to make herself look better. Give me some slack - it's Christmas!
CJ
I really didn't expect to see the lively (for lack of a better word) discussion between you guys. I was going to weigh in, but then it just got way too long to leave in the comments section.
I re-read my post on SDP. At the very least, I may have mis-represented myself. And at the worst, I was outright lying to myself and to you guys. Anyway, I think the problem started when I said the nature of the Sugar Daddy relationship is 90% business and 10% personal. I cringed when I realized I had said that. I'm pretty sure I was trying to describe SD's in general with that comment, but I ended up sounding like a greedy gold-digging skank.
In my own personal life, I haven't viewed my own SDs that way. When you're not full service (like me), that takes the "services rendered" part right out of the relationship. That's why I'm totally up front with anyone who wants to see me outside of work. Let me tell ya - I've lost a lot of potential SD's that way too, but I'm not going to sit there and take someone's money and just lead him around thinking he's gonna get it eventually. One of you guys commented along those lines, and I assure you I would never do that.
Now I've had guys accuse me of "leading them on" many times. But these were all just regular customers. Let me take a moment to explain something to those guys: IT'S JUST A HANDJOB. You're not special - you all got one.
Anyway, let's get back to SDP. I will be the first to confess that I was NOT totally upfront with him on this. And that's why I had to eventually explain it before things moved on. And I'm pretty sure it's clear now (at least I hope it's clear now).
I've been friends with all of my past SDs. Still am in some cases. Like I've said before, it's hard to NOT have sex sometimes. All the guys I take on as SDs are doing it for the company, the arm candy, and the occasional hand release (and in one rare case for pimping out a girlfriend to one of their buddies, but that's another story). When I think about it now, I can recall only once that I eventually had to let a SD go because he wanted to "upgrade" to full service.
So that's the real story. Am I back peddling from what I said before? Maybe! But it's a girls right to change her story to make herself look better. Give me some slack - it's Christmas!
CJ
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thanksgiving Blues
I'm fucking pissed off at Audrey right now. I reminded you all that Thanksgiving week is the Mother of All Massage Weeks. Well, two things happened. First off, I can say with proof that the economy is in the shitter since business overall was less than half of what it was last year. This Thanksgiving, I had customers half the customers, and those that did come in were lousy tippers. It felt like another typical week - as if there was no holiday at all. It's almost eerie that no one has the extra cash anymore.
Second, that mother fucking bitch asshole Audrey worked through all my shifts!!!! In other words, whatever few customers came in, I had to share them with her. I would have had more if that bitch cunt hadn't sat there "helping" me with the few guys that bothered to show up. Fuck - I really needed that extra money for Xmas. Oh well.
But the final insult began this week. I typically work nights at the beginning of the week (because they're the worst shifts and Audrey doesn't want them). Usually we're dead, but the beginning of December is what I like to call "my little secret." This is the beginning of hunting season here in PA. It's a HUGE deal around here - so huge that it's kinda like a national holiday for us. In fact, I've even heard that some of the smaller towns actually close their schools for that first day of the season.
Anyway, I can usually count on the phone ringing off the hook, and the doorbell going non-stop. I guess when you get a bunch of guys with an excuse to get out of the house unsupervised for several days at a time, all that testosterone has to go somewhere.
That's where I come in (no pun intended).
For the most part, they're local guys that I don't see regularly. But once deer season starts, they're all in here with good moods and ready to party. The usually take shorter sessions (since they gotta get back on the road), but the tips are usually good. So I can usually clean up big time in a night if I can schedule them just right.
I've kept this surge in business away from Audrey for years now. I kinda flub the numbers in the log and I make sure all answering machine message are deleted before I go home. This way, she's never figured out how busy it actually is. Well, somehow that stupid bitch slut pig figured it out. So for the first time she actually sat in with me for the first 2 nights this week.
The good news is that I got to stick her with a bunch of therapeutic massages (the non-tippers). The bad news is that the overall turnout this year was horrible! But after the big Thanksgiving bust, I wasn't surprised. I guess you could say I was just disappointed. I was really counting on that money this year to make up for this total slump in business.
With any luck, she''s wondering what the big deal is about hunting season, and will NOT try to steal my shifts again next year. Then again, at the rate things are going there may not be a next year around here. Ugh.
I wonder if the Gap is hiring. I look fabulous in their T-shirts.
CJ
Second, that mother fucking bitch asshole Audrey worked through all my shifts!!!! In other words, whatever few customers came in, I had to share them with her. I would have had more if that bitch cunt hadn't sat there "helping" me with the few guys that bothered to show up. Fuck - I really needed that extra money for Xmas. Oh well.
But the final insult began this week. I typically work nights at the beginning of the week (because they're the worst shifts and Audrey doesn't want them). Usually we're dead, but the beginning of December is what I like to call "my little secret." This is the beginning of hunting season here in PA. It's a HUGE deal around here - so huge that it's kinda like a national holiday for us. In fact, I've even heard that some of the smaller towns actually close their schools for that first day of the season.
Anyway, I can usually count on the phone ringing off the hook, and the doorbell going non-stop. I guess when you get a bunch of guys with an excuse to get out of the house unsupervised for several days at a time, all that testosterone has to go somewhere.
That's where I come in (no pun intended).
For the most part, they're local guys that I don't see regularly. But once deer season starts, they're all in here with good moods and ready to party. The usually take shorter sessions (since they gotta get back on the road), but the tips are usually good. So I can usually clean up big time in a night if I can schedule them just right.
I've kept this surge in business away from Audrey for years now. I kinda flub the numbers in the log and I make sure all answering machine message are deleted before I go home. This way, she's never figured out how busy it actually is. Well, somehow that stupid bitch slut pig figured it out. So for the first time she actually sat in with me for the first 2 nights this week.
The good news is that I got to stick her with a bunch of therapeutic massages (the non-tippers). The bad news is that the overall turnout this year was horrible! But after the big Thanksgiving bust, I wasn't surprised. I guess you could say I was just disappointed. I was really counting on that money this year to make up for this total slump in business.
With any luck, she''s wondering what the big deal is about hunting season, and will NOT try to steal my shifts again next year. Then again, at the rate things are going there may not be a next year around here. Ugh.
I wonder if the Gap is hiring. I look fabulous in their T-shirts.
CJ
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
My baby sister and I went to the grocery store this morning to pick up a few last minute items for mom. Just as we were pulling into the parking lot, a guy in a ski jacket comes bolting out the front door and running through the parking lot. As he passed us, a guy in a white shirt and tie came running out of the store chasing him.
Now this stuff usually only happens in the movies, but just at the exact moment the ski jacket guy reaches the street, a cop car just pulled up directly in front of him. I swear it was absolute perfect timing.
My sister and I watched this and started laughing our asses off. I mean honestly - when have you ever seen a cop arrive right in the knick of time? Well anyway, we got a good laugh about it while we did our shopping. About 15 minutes later, we were back out the door.
The cops are still parked at the edge of the parking lot. We get in the car and pull out, taking our time to drive past slowly so we can see what's happening. Ski jacket guy is standing next to the cop car with his hands cuffed behind him. Shirt and tie guy is talking to the cops. And on the hood of the cop car, we see 6 cans of soup.
We stopped laughing and didn't say much on the ride home.
Happy fucking Thanksgiving.
CJ
Now this stuff usually only happens in the movies, but just at the exact moment the ski jacket guy reaches the street, a cop car just pulled up directly in front of him. I swear it was absolute perfect timing.
My sister and I watched this and started laughing our asses off. I mean honestly - when have you ever seen a cop arrive right in the knick of time? Well anyway, we got a good laugh about it while we did our shopping. About 15 minutes later, we were back out the door.
The cops are still parked at the edge of the parking lot. We get in the car and pull out, taking our time to drive past slowly so we can see what's happening. Ski jacket guy is standing next to the cop car with his hands cuffed behind him. Shirt and tie guy is talking to the cops. And on the hood of the cop car, we see 6 cans of soup.
We stopped laughing and didn't say much on the ride home.
Happy fucking Thanksgiving.
CJ
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?
I'm totally ashamed about what I did for a Klondike Bar...
Anyway, you're probably all wondering how my "date" with Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) went. Well lets just say that we both got what we wanted... LOL
Well if you remember, we had agreed on dinner and a visit to the new vacation house. It turns out that this place is kinda out there in Amish country, so I ended up meeting him in town early Friday afternoon and then jumping in his car for the ride. I discovered to my surprise that he already owns a condo near where the house is being built, and that was where he was taking me to dinner. The ride was kinda long, but it gave us plenty of time to talk and get comfortable. SDP is one of those guys who puts you at ease and can talk about any topic. Our conversation went from the election to the best place to buy womens shoes (DSW).
The condo was gorgeous (except for the tiny little bathrooms). SDP dabbled a little bit in real estate and got this place for a song. This was well before he decided to upgrade to a full vacation spread nearby. With the house almost finished he's either gonna sell this place or transfer it to a friend of his. I made a joke about that friend being "me" and he laughed - politely.
SDP cooked a wicked good pasta dish. The bottle of wine we polished off wasn't too bad either. Let me tell ya, I coulda just hung out at his place all night. I had a little buzz going, it was cold outside, SDP was quite charming, and the flat screen TV didn't hurt things. But eventually he suggested we take a ride out there since it was already getting dark. So we jumped into his Range Rover (did I mention he has a Range Rover? His other car is a Mercedes and his wife drives a Lexus) for the short drive out to the house.
The house is located on the edge of some woods, overlooking a little valley - absolutely gorgeous views, even for the Amish country. It looked more or less done, except for all the construction trash lying all over the bare dirt yard. I have to tell you, it was probably the biggest house I've ever been in. I think I counted 6 bedrooms and probably as many baths. It's hard to remember since one room kinda blended into the next. No furniture yet, but most of the fixtures had been installed.
We ended the tour in the kitchen, and you know what they say... "The party always ends in the kitchen." This was no exception. I knew what he was thinking - remember, my last boyfriend was a contractor. And when you're a contractor there's nothing like breaking in a new house! I don't know what it is with men and empty buildings. If you knew how many times I've "christened" a bathtub, kitchen floor, garage, and even fresh carpeting in some poor guys house, you'd never look at your builder the same again. Weird stain on your new hot tub? And you thought it was just glue...
Well in this case, Pete was eyeing the new granite kitchen countertop. Yeah - like that's soooooo original. Granite is cold and freakin hard on the knees, but at least it's easy to clean up afterwards. We were just standing there making small talk when his hand started playing with the side of my Fuck-Me skirt (which perfectly matched my Fuck-Me heels). I pretended not to notice or care, which I think just made him even more bold. After a minute of running his fingers up and down my hip, he just sort of casually worked his way lower and lower until they started to brush the bottom of the skirt.
Then without warning, my skirt was up and over my ass. I stopped talking and just gave him a big smile as if this was most welcome. He didn't grab my ass right away, but instead used his other hand to lift the front of my skirt. I have to admit, it was pretty kinky to be standing there underneath those super bright construction lights with my skirt raised, all vulnerable like. I decided right there that I didn't want him to dominate the moment.
I looked straight into his eyes, and very slowly dropped to my knees, the fabric of my raised skirt moving gently down across his fingers. First the back of the skirt fell free, then the front. I kept going until I almost reached the floor. In my heels, my face was more or less even with his belt buckle. Without taking my eyes off of his, I deliberately moved my hands up his pant legs until they reached his zipper. The front of his pants were becoming visibly tight at this point. I playfully rubbed my nose against the fabric as I tugged his zipper down and pulled out his
Boy you guys are suckers! Did you really think I'd suck the dick of a guy I barely know for money? Hell, I don't even like doing that with guys I'm dating. Anyway, we DID end the tour in the kitchen (which was to die for if you like kitchens). I told him what a lovely house he has, and that it shows off his tastes. He said if I play my cards right we could be enjoying the outdoor jacuzzi later this winter. Then he took me back to town and to my car. No - we didn't stop back at the condo for more wine. We chatted for a bit longer about just stuff in general - nothing really serious - when he finally handed me an envelope.
"Here... This is to help you with your bills."
I didn't open it, but thanked him. Then he gave me a little peck on the cheek and told me he'd be back this way soon. And that was it - he was a perfect gentleman. The thing you have to understand about the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship is that it's about 90% business and only 10% personal. It's basically a business transaction - actually having chemistry is just a bonus. That's why I really never expected him to make a pass at me. And also another reason why I know he's done this before.
I didn't open the envelope until I got home. It was a more than generous "donation" to the charitable cause which is CJ. Hell, if I get this "just because" I can't wait to see what he does for Xmas!
And that was my "date" with Sugar Daddy Pete. Sorry if my story didn't give you guys the money shot you were hoping for!
CJ
Anyway, you're probably all wondering how my "date" with Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) went. Well lets just say that we both got what we wanted... LOL
Well if you remember, we had agreed on dinner and a visit to the new vacation house. It turns out that this place is kinda out there in Amish country, so I ended up meeting him in town early Friday afternoon and then jumping in his car for the ride. I discovered to my surprise that he already owns a condo near where the house is being built, and that was where he was taking me to dinner. The ride was kinda long, but it gave us plenty of time to talk and get comfortable. SDP is one of those guys who puts you at ease and can talk about any topic. Our conversation went from the election to the best place to buy womens shoes (DSW).
The condo was gorgeous (except for the tiny little bathrooms). SDP dabbled a little bit in real estate and got this place for a song. This was well before he decided to upgrade to a full vacation spread nearby. With the house almost finished he's either gonna sell this place or transfer it to a friend of his. I made a joke about that friend being "me" and he laughed - politely.
SDP cooked a wicked good pasta dish. The bottle of wine we polished off wasn't too bad either. Let me tell ya, I coulda just hung out at his place all night. I had a little buzz going, it was cold outside, SDP was quite charming, and the flat screen TV didn't hurt things. But eventually he suggested we take a ride out there since it was already getting dark. So we jumped into his Range Rover (did I mention he has a Range Rover? His other car is a Mercedes and his wife drives a Lexus) for the short drive out to the house.
The house is located on the edge of some woods, overlooking a little valley - absolutely gorgeous views, even for the Amish country. It looked more or less done, except for all the construction trash lying all over the bare dirt yard. I have to tell you, it was probably the biggest house I've ever been in. I think I counted 6 bedrooms and probably as many baths. It's hard to remember since one room kinda blended into the next. No furniture yet, but most of the fixtures had been installed.
We ended the tour in the kitchen, and you know what they say... "The party always ends in the kitchen." This was no exception. I knew what he was thinking - remember, my last boyfriend was a contractor. And when you're a contractor there's nothing like breaking in a new house! I don't know what it is with men and empty buildings. If you knew how many times I've "christened" a bathtub, kitchen floor, garage, and even fresh carpeting in some poor guys house, you'd never look at your builder the same again. Weird stain on your new hot tub? And you thought it was just glue...
Well in this case, Pete was eyeing the new granite kitchen countertop. Yeah - like that's soooooo original. Granite is cold and freakin hard on the knees, but at least it's easy to clean up afterwards. We were just standing there making small talk when his hand started playing with the side of my Fuck-Me skirt (which perfectly matched my Fuck-Me heels). I pretended not to notice or care, which I think just made him even more bold. After a minute of running his fingers up and down my hip, he just sort of casually worked his way lower and lower until they started to brush the bottom of the skirt.
Then without warning, my skirt was up and over my ass. I stopped talking and just gave him a big smile as if this was most welcome. He didn't grab my ass right away, but instead used his other hand to lift the front of my skirt. I have to admit, it was pretty kinky to be standing there underneath those super bright construction lights with my skirt raised, all vulnerable like. I decided right there that I didn't want him to dominate the moment.
I looked straight into his eyes, and very slowly dropped to my knees, the fabric of my raised skirt moving gently down across his fingers. First the back of the skirt fell free, then the front. I kept going until I almost reached the floor. In my heels, my face was more or less even with his belt buckle. Without taking my eyes off of his, I deliberately moved my hands up his pant legs until they reached his zipper. The front of his pants were becoming visibly tight at this point. I playfully rubbed my nose against the fabric as I tugged his zipper down and pulled out his
Boy you guys are suckers! Did you really think I'd suck the dick of a guy I barely know for money? Hell, I don't even like doing that with guys I'm dating. Anyway, we DID end the tour in the kitchen (which was to die for if you like kitchens). I told him what a lovely house he has, and that it shows off his tastes. He said if I play my cards right we could be enjoying the outdoor jacuzzi later this winter. Then he took me back to town and to my car. No - we didn't stop back at the condo for more wine. We chatted for a bit longer about just stuff in general - nothing really serious - when he finally handed me an envelope.
"Here... This is to help you with your bills."
I didn't open it, but thanked him. Then he gave me a little peck on the cheek and told me he'd be back this way soon. And that was it - he was a perfect gentleman. The thing you have to understand about the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship is that it's about 90% business and only 10% personal. It's basically a business transaction - actually having chemistry is just a bonus. That's why I really never expected him to make a pass at me. And also another reason why I know he's done this before.
I didn't open the envelope until I got home. It was a more than generous "donation" to the charitable cause which is CJ. Hell, if I get this "just because" I can't wait to see what he does for Xmas!
And that was my "date" with Sugar Daddy Pete. Sorry if my story didn't give you guys the money shot you were hoping for!
CJ
Friday, November 21, 2008
Massage Parlor Etiquette
OK - now that we're approaching the Mother of All Massage Weeks - Thanksgiving - I thought I'd give you guys a quick lesson in massage parlor etiquette. Why Thanksgiving week you ask? Well, think about it...
1) Millions of tired, cranky guys on the road in desperate need of stress relief
2) All heading to places they're in no hurry to get to
3) Wallets are full and have not been emptied yet by the Xmas season
4) It's the last opportunity to do something for yourself for the next 5 weeks
So I expect all you guys out there to hit your local (or not so local) massage parlors next week. Pay attention because there will be a quiz. Now I'm not going to get into HOW to find a massage parlor, since I went over that in an older post. I will also take this moment to remind you guys out there to boycot the Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs) since they are usually tied to organized crime. So if you're gonna get your dick rubbed, do it for America!
We'll assume that you've found a place and you're ready to give it a try. These rules should apply to parlors whether full-service or not. So take notes and pay attention:
1) Be prepared
As long as you're prepared to have an erotic massage, things should go smoothly. First, be clean. A little personal hygiene goes a long way. Not every place has showers, so try to wash up before you head on over. I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with nasty B.O. And let me tell ya - nothing turns off a masseuse more than a stinky customer. A little cologne helps too. Remember - you want us to ENJOY being around you for an hour. Come in with a little CK and I may be convinced to spend some extra time with you. Wear some Burberry and I may end up going home with you! But douse yourself with Drakkar and your ass may end up on the street.
The other key to being prepared is to BRING CASH. Some parlors will take credit cards, but ALL would prefer not to. Besides, when it comes time to negotiate what options you want in the room, you need cash! Nothing kills the mood faster than having to stop a session, just to go run a credit card. Besides, you probably want a paper trail less than we do.
For newbies, I would suggest having $200 in cash on you. Don't get scared - you can probably get a decent massage with a nice happy ending for around $100. But the last thing you want is to not have enough cash to negotiate with. Meanwhile, full service places may end up costing you more than $200. Believe me - there is no "maximum" to the amount you can spend in session. Now if you're looking for something more kinky or downright weird, then you DEFINITELY need to have some cash on you. I know what I charge for options and extras, but i can't speak for other places. So PLEASE don't ask me to guess how much a topless session with foot worship and ball-busting ending with a breast release would cost.
2) Know The Lingo
I've posted other stuff on the secret language of the massage parlor, but I'll quickly go over it here just so you don't do or say anything stupid.
When you walk in, don't say anything dumb like "Can I get laid?" As a general rule we do not discuss ANYTHING that goes on within the rooms on the phone or at the desk. This is for obvious reasons. Leave your dirty little laundry list of perversions for once you're inside the room. At the desk you'll first be asked if you've ever been there before. You can say, "Yes, but it's been a while..." or "No, but I've had non-therapeutic massages before." This lets them know that you're cool and they won't automatically stick you with a therapeutic massage with no happy ending.
Feel free to ask who'll be giving you the massage. Some places will trot out all the girls for you to chose from (We call this the "Beauty Pageant" and we HATE it). At most places you'll get whoever is working the desk. If you don't fancy her, feel free to ask if there's anyone else available, but don't be an asshole about it. One polite way that doesn't offend me is to ask if there's any "brunette's" available (I'm blonde). It doesn't hurt my feelings and gets me to describe the other girls.
All that's discussed at the front desk is just the amount of time you want in session. For starters, I'd say 45 minutes. 30 is too short to enjoy yourself, and the price for options remains the same. If you end up having a good time and want to increase it, you can always do that for a nominal price.
Once you're in the room, Wait for the masseuse to give you instructions before asking about what all the options are. If she asks you to "get comfortable" then leaves, that's your cue to disrobe and get under the towel. This part is important! I know some places that if you don't get naked, they take that as a sign that you're a newbie and want a therapeutic massage only. The masseuse will then offer you her particular options; typically topless, nude or G-string. When options are offered, the understanding is that you're gonna get your happy ending. You don't have to ask! At my business the happy ending is a hand release, but in full service places you'll also be offered the option of a blowjob or fucking. Either way, your session will still consist of a relaxing massage followed by the happy ending you paid for.
And finally, if you want what we call "extras" then ask up front. Extras are anything above and beyond the happy ending such as breast release, toe sucking, lingerie, facials, etc. Ask politely while you're still negotiating the options for two reasons. First, some girls may not mind the extra you want and won't charge for it. I knew one girl who didn't charge extra for breast releases because she figured anything that gets the guy off quicker, the better for her.
Second, if you wait till the end of your session to ask for an extra, you'll probably get charged more than if you had negotiated it up front. I can't begin to tell you how much $$$ I've made off of guys who wait till the MIDDLE of the hand release (when all the blood has rushed away from their brains) to ask for something extra. I call that a "Cha-Ching!" moment - as in "Hey Trina, the drinks are on me. I had a Cha-Ching moment during my 3 o'clock."
3) Attitude, Attitude, Attitude
The key to enjoying yourself, relaxing and having a good time in a massage parlor is attitude. I can't emphasize that enough. If you come in with the right attitude, then you'll definitely have a good time.
Think of it this way... Picture your masseuse as a really cute waitress. It's her job to get you what you ordered, you're going to be in close contact with her for an hour, and she works for tips. So what should you do if you want to really enjoy your time? You treat her with respect, you joke around, and even flirt. Remember - she's the one who's stuck at work, but would really like to enjoy that hour just as much as you do. So if you're friendly and make the time enjoyable for both of you, then she'll return the favor. But instead of free drinks, you might get some extra time or even an extra option for free!
I remember this one customer - a traveling salesman of some kind. Well, let me tell ya - this guy was a total pisser. He was cracking jokes and making me laugh from the minute he walked through the door. He was in no way a good looking guy, but I ended up enjoying his company so much that I actually went way outta my way for him, just so he'd stay longer. I even ended up doing a little strip tease for him - something that I NEVER do for Regulars because I'm too self conscious - just because we both thought it would be funny.
So remember guys - a little bit of the right attitude goes a looooong way.
4) Expectations
This one is particularly important for the newbies. Keep your expectations reasonable - especially if it's your first erotic massage. Remember - not all of you will be lucky enough to find me next week. Attitude also plays in this one. Expect to have a good time, but don't walk in to a place you've never seen before and expect a harem of Pamela Anderson clones willing to blow you. All you should expect from a massage parlor is a relaxing massage by a semi-clad masseuse, followed by a hand release.
Let me back up here... Technically, all you're supposed to expect from a massage parlor is a relaxing massage. That's it. In fact, some parlors will ONLY give you a therapeutic massage if you're a new customer. So there is a chance that you may get disappointed if it's your first time.
Chances are you won't know if the parlor you're in is full service or not until AFTER you get there.
Some full service places will just tell you up front, others wait until after you're in the room. Once again - DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING. Your masseuse may not tell you what her options are until after the massage part is over - especially if you're new and she's trying to figure out if you're cool or not. In my Business, I offer my clothing options up front (topless, nude, or G-string). I don't even mention the hand release, since I assume that it's understood. If you want an extra such as a breast release, go ahead and ask! Believe me, there is probably nothing new these girls haven't heard before.
Now if you don't know if the parlor you're in offers full service, by all means don't be afraid to ask! Just say up front "Are you full service?" It won't offend us. In fact, it helps if you get it on the table right away just so your expectations are addressed sooner rather than later. And if it's not full service - relax... you're still gonna get your happy ending!
One last thought on expectations... If you feel uptight about paying some anonymous woman to jerk you off - don't. Believe me, it's a job just like any other. I have a schedule, I get a paycheck, I pay taxes, I hate my boss, and I joke around with my coworkers just like everyone else. Do you look down on the woman who cuts your hair? Do you feel sorry for the guy who empties your garbage can? No - because they're just doing their jobs. It's the same thing with an erotic masseuse. I'm paid to do a very specialized task that not everyone can do.
So just lay back, relax and trust me. I'm a professional and I'm very good at my job.
Now go on out there guys and good luck! Let me know how your Thanksgiving vacations go. And I'll bet that your family will be wondering over their turkey dinner why you're in such a good mood this year.
CJ
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Indecent Proposal - Update
I just wanted to give you guys a quck update on what's going on with Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP).
I am kinda surprised at the amount of comments I got over this one. But what really surprised me is how supportive most of you are for me to actually fuck him for money. Honestly, I didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that!!!
It's funny, a couple years ago there would never have even been a debate over this. I was younger, I was rolling in cash, and Sugar Daddies were a dime a dozen. Today business sucks, I know I'm getting older, and I'm lucky to have a customer who tips extra. Ugh.
Well, I bring all this up because SDP called me today and we have a "date" for Friday (my day off). And since all your advice was rattling around my head all weekend, I actually told him up front that he's not getting laid. That's right... I said it straight up. I know how the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship works, and I'm not going to let him set the rules. He seemed OK with it over the phone.
Now here is the part where I confess what really happened.
When I had him on the phone he kinda hinted at getting a room on Friday, and that's when I gave him my I Don't Roll Like That speech. However, I was really nervous after I laid down the law, so I followed it up with something wishy-washy like "I need to get to know you first..." In other words, it totally sounds like I'm leaving the door open.
I never realized that negotiating for no sex could be so hard!
CJ
I am kinda surprised at the amount of comments I got over this one. But what really surprised me is how supportive most of you are for me to actually fuck him for money. Honestly, I didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that!!!
It's funny, a couple years ago there would never have even been a debate over this. I was younger, I was rolling in cash, and Sugar Daddies were a dime a dozen. Today business sucks, I know I'm getting older, and I'm lucky to have a customer who tips extra. Ugh.
Well, I bring all this up because SDP called me today and we have a "date" for Friday (my day off). And since all your advice was rattling around my head all weekend, I actually told him up front that he's not getting laid. That's right... I said it straight up. I know how the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship works, and I'm not going to let him set the rules. He seemed OK with it over the phone.
Now here is the part where I confess what really happened.
When I had him on the phone he kinda hinted at getting a room on Friday, and that's when I gave him my I Don't Roll Like That speech. However, I was really nervous after I laid down the law, so I followed it up with something wishy-washy like "I need to get to know you first..." In other words, it totally sounds like I'm leaving the door open.
I never realized that negotiating for no sex could be so hard!
CJ
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Indecent Proposal
What an awful weekend... I had to work all weekend and made no money, I had the WORST blind date ever (more on that later), I saw my ex with his new girlfriend, AND my car is crapping out.
This is the weekend that Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) decided to drop on by. Talk about being down and out! If there was a scale to measure desperation, I think I was about a 9.5 by Sunday afternoon when SDP showed up unexpectedly.
He gave me a song and dance about how he "lost" my number, blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. Even though I've been considering him as a potential Sugar Daddy, I gave him some attitude about it. Luckily he was OK with it and took me in session anyway.
I'm starting to get a better read on him. By his behavior I can tell that he's done the massage parlor thing before. He's very polite and knows exactly what to ask for and how to ask it (I think I'm going to do a post on massage parlor etiquette next for all you newbies out there). There was nothing unusual about our session. He took the hour with a mutual massage. I offered him a double, but he politely declined. Then we started talking.
Work has been keeping SDP busy, and that's why he hasn't been around lately, etc. etc. I think if you replace the word "work" with the word "wife" it better explains things - but that's just me thinking out loud! Anyway, he said that his vacation house is almost finished and was wondering if I'd like to see it... SOON.
Uh... wow. Like that isn't an obvious move on his part. There's nothing new about a rich guy asking to see me outside of work. What's not new is that I said yes. Fuck - I didn't even hesitate!!!!! That's the frame of mind I was in at the end of last weekend - desperate enough to agree to anything.
Now before any of you start writing hate mail calling me a whore, keep in mind that nothing's happened yet. The problem here is that whenever you agree to see a customer outside of work, there's always expectations... Is it a friendly thing? Is he expecting sex? Is he expecting a (sigh) date? He knows I'm not full service so I took this moment to kinda remind him ("kinda" being the operative word here). I think my exact words were, "Sure, I'd love to see the house."
OK, I lied. But I thought long and hard about whether to tell the truth to all you guys on the internet. Ugh. I'm not a whore if I haven't done anything whorey (whore-ish?) yet - right? He said it'll be the house, then dinner. That sounds innocent enough I guess.
It's time's like this that I really appreciate the upfront guys who just ask directly if I'll fuck them for money. At least it's honest and there's no pretense. You never have to ask yourself "What did he really mean by that?" Those guys I can handle with a simple "fuck no" and everything is back to normal and there's no hard feelings. But now I've set myself up in one of those vague situations that I'm sure I'm going to regret (and write about) later on.
That's one of the weird things about working in a massage parlor. Where else is the phrase "Could you suck my dick?" considered shop talk?
Our session ended quite nicely. And by "nicely" I mean I was handed a big wad of cash. Counting it after he left distracted me from my dilemma for about 10 minutes. Then I was on the phone asking Trina what the hell I should do.
"I'd fuck him."
Thanks Trina... you're not much help.
CJ
This is the weekend that Sugar Daddy Pete (SDP) decided to drop on by. Talk about being down and out! If there was a scale to measure desperation, I think I was about a 9.5 by Sunday afternoon when SDP showed up unexpectedly.
He gave me a song and dance about how he "lost" my number, blah blah blah. I've heard it all before. Even though I've been considering him as a potential Sugar Daddy, I gave him some attitude about it. Luckily he was OK with it and took me in session anyway.
I'm starting to get a better read on him. By his behavior I can tell that he's done the massage parlor thing before. He's very polite and knows exactly what to ask for and how to ask it (I think I'm going to do a post on massage parlor etiquette next for all you newbies out there). There was nothing unusual about our session. He took the hour with a mutual massage. I offered him a double, but he politely declined. Then we started talking.
Work has been keeping SDP busy, and that's why he hasn't been around lately, etc. etc. I think if you replace the word "work" with the word "wife" it better explains things - but that's just me thinking out loud! Anyway, he said that his vacation house is almost finished and was wondering if I'd like to see it... SOON.
Uh... wow. Like that isn't an obvious move on his part. There's nothing new about a rich guy asking to see me outside of work. What's not new is that I said yes. Fuck - I didn't even hesitate!!!!! That's the frame of mind I was in at the end of last weekend - desperate enough to agree to anything.
Now before any of you start writing hate mail calling me a whore, keep in mind that nothing's happened yet. The problem here is that whenever you agree to see a customer outside of work, there's always expectations... Is it a friendly thing? Is he expecting sex? Is he expecting a (sigh) date? He knows I'm not full service so I took this moment to kinda remind him ("kinda" being the operative word here). I think my exact words were, "Sure, I'd love to see the house."
OK, I lied. But I thought long and hard about whether to tell the truth to all you guys on the internet. Ugh. I'm not a whore if I haven't done anything whorey (whore-ish?) yet - right? He said it'll be the house, then dinner. That sounds innocent enough I guess.
It's time's like this that I really appreciate the upfront guys who just ask directly if I'll fuck them for money. At least it's honest and there's no pretense. You never have to ask yourself "What did he really mean by that?" Those guys I can handle with a simple "fuck no" and everything is back to normal and there's no hard feelings. But now I've set myself up in one of those vague situations that I'm sure I'm going to regret (and write about) later on.
That's one of the weird things about working in a massage parlor. Where else is the phrase "Could you suck my dick?" considered shop talk?
Our session ended quite nicely. And by "nicely" I mean I was handed a big wad of cash. Counting it after he left distracted me from my dilemma for about 10 minutes. Then I was on the phone asking Trina what the hell I should do.
"I'd fuck him."
Thanks Trina... you're not much help.
CJ
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Happy Birthday To Me!
Hey Guys!
Today's my birthday, so please forward flowers and gift certificates for Tiffany's to:
CJ
c/o The Business
Reading, PA
For my b-day, Audrey got us tickets to see the Nutcracker in Philadelphia in December. I know that sounds totally corny, but I just love that kind of holiday stuff! And while I'm in Philly, I'll burn up all those gift certificates I know I'm going to get flooded with.
I ended up working on my b-day, but that's what happens when you don't have a boyfriend. The Brad Pitt clone wanted to take me out, but he's been such a pain in the ass ever since he discovered I've been doing the online dating thing. I worked with Trina today, so when she showed up she had this giant bouquet of flowers for me, plus a bag of presents. Then she took me out to lunch.
I even got gifts from customers today! Sugar Daddy Brad (SDB) had balloons delivered to The Business, and 1 of my Regulars stopped by with some DVDs and a really cool card. Another Regular just tipped me an extra $100 at the end of the session (I think he felt guilty for not getting a card).
Tonight - cake and ice cream at mom's!
CJ
Today's my birthday, so please forward flowers and gift certificates for Tiffany's to:
CJ
c/o The Business
Reading, PA
For my b-day, Audrey got us tickets to see the Nutcracker in Philadelphia in December. I know that sounds totally corny, but I just love that kind of holiday stuff! And while I'm in Philly, I'll burn up all those gift certificates I know I'm going to get flooded with.
I ended up working on my b-day, but that's what happens when you don't have a boyfriend. The Brad Pitt clone wanted to take me out, but he's been such a pain in the ass ever since he discovered I've been doing the online dating thing. I worked with Trina today, so when she showed up she had this giant bouquet of flowers for me, plus a bag of presents. Then she took me out to lunch.
I even got gifts from customers today! Sugar Daddy Brad (SDB) had balloons delivered to The Business, and 1 of my Regulars stopped by with some DVDs and a really cool card. Another Regular just tipped me an extra $100 at the end of the session (I think he felt guilty for not getting a card).
Tonight - cake and ice cream at mom's!
CJ
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Politics and Hand Jobs Make Strange Bedfellows
Happy Election Day! Now go out there and vote... I just did. I'm working nightshift today, so I got to avoid most of the lines.
Now if there's one thing I've learned about what NOT to talk about in session, it's politics and sports. Those are the 2 biggest taboo topics I have. You'd think that religion would be another one, but for some reason I've discovered that guys just don't bring up religion while enjoying an erotic massage. Not even the preachers!!!! Anyway, I don't bring up politics or sports in session because those are the only 2 topics that will actually lose you a customer.
For example...
I am NOT a Philly's fan. I know that sounds funny considering we're basically a suburb of Philly, but I have always been and will always be a Red Sox fan (even now I can see a lot of you guys out there turning off your computers in disgust after reading this). You wanna know how difficult it is to root for the Sox when you live amongst Philly fans? I've almost gotten into fist fights with MEN for wearing for my Red Sox stuff to local sports bars. And I've actually lost customers for talking about it. Trina is a big Philly's fan, so she's picked up the guys who refuse to see me anymore.
The same goes for politics. I'm not going to mention who I voted for because I figure the rest of you who stayed after hearing I'm a Sox fan will probably leave if I say that. What I do now when a customer brings it up is usually just agree with whatever he says, or just bite my tongue (which is really hard for a big mouth like me).
You see, when you're paid to entertain a client for up to an hour, you learn to be an expert in almost any topic. The massage and The Girls, can only distract a customer so much... eventually you gotta say something. So I can talk about most anything for a little while, but when politics come up I'll try to steer the conversation to something else. And let me tell you - A LOT of you guys have been obsessed with the election for the last month. So whenever I didn't agree with the politics of a customer, I'd try to distract him (and in the worst case I even hurried a session). If I did agree with a client, it wasn't any better because I'd usually end up talking his ear off to the point where I'd forget about the time and end up rushing the happy ending.
In other words, mixing politics and erotic massage is a lose/lose for all.
You wanna know what makes a great topic of conversation? The weather. I'm obsessed with the weather channel. I've been known to actually prolong the happy ending when the customer doesn't mind me chatting away about the temperature and cold fronts and precipitation.
CJ
Now if there's one thing I've learned about what NOT to talk about in session, it's politics and sports. Those are the 2 biggest taboo topics I have. You'd think that religion would be another one, but for some reason I've discovered that guys just don't bring up religion while enjoying an erotic massage. Not even the preachers!!!! Anyway, I don't bring up politics or sports in session because those are the only 2 topics that will actually lose you a customer.
For example...
I am NOT a Philly's fan. I know that sounds funny considering we're basically a suburb of Philly, but I have always been and will always be a Red Sox fan (even now I can see a lot of you guys out there turning off your computers in disgust after reading this). You wanna know how difficult it is to root for the Sox when you live amongst Philly fans? I've almost gotten into fist fights with MEN for wearing for my Red Sox stuff to local sports bars. And I've actually lost customers for talking about it. Trina is a big Philly's fan, so she's picked up the guys who refuse to see me anymore.
The same goes for politics. I'm not going to mention who I voted for because I figure the rest of you who stayed after hearing I'm a Sox fan will probably leave if I say that. What I do now when a customer brings it up is usually just agree with whatever he says, or just bite my tongue (which is really hard for a big mouth like me).
You see, when you're paid to entertain a client for up to an hour, you learn to be an expert in almost any topic. The massage and The Girls, can only distract a customer so much... eventually you gotta say something. So I can talk about most anything for a little while, but when politics come up I'll try to steer the conversation to something else. And let me tell you - A LOT of you guys have been obsessed with the election for the last month. So whenever I didn't agree with the politics of a customer, I'd try to distract him (and in the worst case I even hurried a session). If I did agree with a client, it wasn't any better because I'd usually end up talking his ear off to the point where I'd forget about the time and end up rushing the happy ending.
In other words, mixing politics and erotic massage is a lose/lose for all.
You wanna know what makes a great topic of conversation? The weather. I'm obsessed with the weather channel. I've been known to actually prolong the happy ending when the customer doesn't mind me chatting away about the temperature and cold fronts and precipitation.
CJ
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The "Extras"
You're not gonna believe this one... I was working with Rose the other night - just chilling in the back office watching some gory documentary about the Detroit ER room on the Discovery Channel - when I hear the pitter-patter of naked feet coming down the hall.
There was Rose, wrapped only in a towel. I know she's a newbie, but now what?
"Uh CJ... I got a really weird question for you."
I sent Rose into session about a half hour ago with a Regular I trust, so she must have been almost finished. She's obviously not upset, so I assume nothing is wrong. So by a "weird" question for me, I guess she means she just got a weird question herself. "What's wrong Rose?" I ask in a why are you interrupting my favorite show tone of voice.
"That guy you gave me... Well, he asked me to do something really weird, and I wasn't sure if it was allowed or not." She looked down at her feet. "I mean, normally I would have just said 'no' but he offered me like A LOT of cash to do it." Now she looked up at me all embarrased. "I just wanted to see what you'd do" she asked hopefully.
Wow. A moral dilemma that she actually wants my help with? I feel so wise all of a sudden. I'm wondering what it is since she's already performed a few "extras" including a Double and nipple play. "What... Did Ronnie ask you to blow him? He knows the rules, so if he did I'll throw his ass out right now." I was serious! I don't need this shit - at least not on my shift.
"No, it was nothing like that. We were like right at the ending when I asked him to relax and close his eyes just like you told me to do. That's when he asks if I'd mind doing a 'thigh release.' I was like 'What is that?' and he was like 'Get on all fours and I slide it in between your legs.' And I was like 'uhhhhhh... I don't think so!' And he was like 'I'll pay you $200.' And that was when I decided to come ask you."
Talking to Rose is like pulling teeth. I hope I captured some of that here. Anyway, I told her it was fine if she's comfortable with it, and no - it's not sex if he slides it in between her thighs. Actually I was feeling a bit put off since Good Old Ronnie hasn't asked me for a thigh release in ages.
When they were done, I sat Rose down and explained the "birds and bees" of the extras. Girls wandering the hallways in towels to ask me questions isn't good for business. So here is a beginners guide to "Extras" or the variations to the happy ending. And remember - anything above and beyond the hand release costs ya extra.
Breast Release
Basically titty fucking. My technique involves the guy lubing up his own dick while he sits on the edge of the table. Then I lean over him while cupping The Girls with my hands. Since my hands are dry, I can control them better while I work them up and down over his shaft. A variation of this involves me lying on my back, or in a chair, while the guy stands or leans over me. In this position, he does all the work. I prefer the one where he lies down since I won't end up with a load of semen in my hair.
Butt Release
Here the guy's dick is rubbed in between the ass cheeks. I've also heard this called an 'Italian' I think. Anyway, the first time I was asked about this, I was a tender young newbie. Hell, I thought he wanted anal until he explained it to me. My very first reaction to this concept was "Ewwwwwwwwww... won't you get shit all over it?" The wad of cash he showed me convinced me it was quite sanitary and perfectly normal. The guy usually finishes on the ass or back.
Thigh Release
While bent over and legs together, the guy humps in between the thighs from behind. A variation I'll do is me on my back while he lies on top and pretends like we're fucking. Needless to say, the 2nd variation I will only do with guys I'm really comfortable with. Good breath helps too. In this position, he'll usually finish on my stomach or breasts.
Dog Humper
The guy basically dry humps the lower leg. Also called 'leg humping.' Usually ends with the guy finishing on your calf or foot. Another variation is the guy humping the back of the thigh. Guys especially like this when you have a nice muscular back where you can see the dimples on either side of the coccyx (yes, I'm rather proud of my backside). In this case the guy almost always insists on finishing on my back.
Foot Release
Self explanatory. Stick it in between the feet and hump away. I get a LOT of these. I normally charge an extra $80 just for the release, or $120 if they want to finish on my feet. Some guys will bring in pantyhose or thigh highs for me to wear (or in some cases, to tie around their pricks). Lingerie MUST be new with the tags, and I charge an extra $100 for wearing outfits.
Probably the weirdest one of these I got was a guy who brought pantyhose - but not for me to wear. He stuck them in his mouth while we did a standard foot release. When he finally came, I thought he was going to choke to death! And in case you were wondering, I didn't charge him extra for bringing lingerie.
Prostate Massage
In this extreme technique, you stick a finger up the guys ass and massage his prostate while jerking him off. I DO NOT DO THIS NOR WILL I EVER. But girls I've known who provide this can make mucho $$$. They wear rubber gloves and lube their finger up really good. Personally, that's just something I can do without.
However, when a customer brings in other assorted devices or paraphenilia to simulate my finger - then we'll talk! LOL Heck - I can do a whole talk just on strap-ons alone!
Hope this clears a few things up with you guys. Any questions?
CJ
There was Rose, wrapped only in a towel. I know she's a newbie, but now what?
"Uh CJ... I got a really weird question for you."
I sent Rose into session about a half hour ago with a Regular I trust, so she must have been almost finished. She's obviously not upset, so I assume nothing is wrong. So by a "weird" question for me, I guess she means she just got a weird question herself. "What's wrong Rose?" I ask in a why are you interrupting my favorite show tone of voice.
"That guy you gave me... Well, he asked me to do something really weird, and I wasn't sure if it was allowed or not." She looked down at her feet. "I mean, normally I would have just said 'no' but he offered me like A LOT of cash to do it." Now she looked up at me all embarrased. "I just wanted to see what you'd do" she asked hopefully.
Wow. A moral dilemma that she actually wants my help with? I feel so wise all of a sudden. I'm wondering what it is since she's already performed a few "extras" including a Double and nipple play. "What... Did Ronnie ask you to blow him? He knows the rules, so if he did I'll throw his ass out right now." I was serious! I don't need this shit - at least not on my shift.
"No, it was nothing like that. We were like right at the ending when I asked him to relax and close his eyes just like you told me to do. That's when he asks if I'd mind doing a 'thigh release.' I was like 'What is that?' and he was like 'Get on all fours and I slide it in between your legs.' And I was like 'uhhhhhh... I don't think so!' And he was like 'I'll pay you $200.' And that was when I decided to come ask you."
Talking to Rose is like pulling teeth. I hope I captured some of that here. Anyway, I told her it was fine if she's comfortable with it, and no - it's not sex if he slides it in between her thighs. Actually I was feeling a bit put off since Good Old Ronnie hasn't asked me for a thigh release in ages.
When they were done, I sat Rose down and explained the "birds and bees" of the extras. Girls wandering the hallways in towels to ask me questions isn't good for business. So here is a beginners guide to "Extras" or the variations to the happy ending. And remember - anything above and beyond the hand release costs ya extra.
Breast Release
Basically titty fucking. My technique involves the guy lubing up his own dick while he sits on the edge of the table. Then I lean over him while cupping The Girls with my hands. Since my hands are dry, I can control them better while I work them up and down over his shaft. A variation of this involves me lying on my back, or in a chair, while the guy stands or leans over me. In this position, he does all the work. I prefer the one where he lies down since I won't end up with a load of semen in my hair.
Butt Release
Here the guy's dick is rubbed in between the ass cheeks. I've also heard this called an 'Italian' I think. Anyway, the first time I was asked about this, I was a tender young newbie. Hell, I thought he wanted anal until he explained it to me. My very first reaction to this concept was "Ewwwwwwwwww... won't you get shit all over it?" The wad of cash he showed me convinced me it was quite sanitary and perfectly normal. The guy usually finishes on the ass or back.
Thigh Release
While bent over and legs together, the guy humps in between the thighs from behind. A variation I'll do is me on my back while he lies on top and pretends like we're fucking. Needless to say, the 2nd variation I will only do with guys I'm really comfortable with. Good breath helps too. In this position, he'll usually finish on my stomach or breasts.
Dog Humper
The guy basically dry humps the lower leg. Also called 'leg humping.' Usually ends with the guy finishing on your calf or foot. Another variation is the guy humping the back of the thigh. Guys especially like this when you have a nice muscular back where you can see the dimples on either side of the coccyx (yes, I'm rather proud of my backside). In this case the guy almost always insists on finishing on my back.
Foot Release
Self explanatory. Stick it in between the feet and hump away. I get a LOT of these. I normally charge an extra $80 just for the release, or $120 if they want to finish on my feet. Some guys will bring in pantyhose or thigh highs for me to wear (or in some cases, to tie around their pricks). Lingerie MUST be new with the tags, and I charge an extra $100 for wearing outfits.
Probably the weirdest one of these I got was a guy who brought pantyhose - but not for me to wear. He stuck them in his mouth while we did a standard foot release. When he finally came, I thought he was going to choke to death! And in case you were wondering, I didn't charge him extra for bringing lingerie.
Prostate Massage
In this extreme technique, you stick a finger up the guys ass and massage his prostate while jerking him off. I DO NOT DO THIS NOR WILL I EVER. But girls I've known who provide this can make mucho $$$. They wear rubber gloves and lube their finger up really good. Personally, that's just something I can do without.
However, when a customer brings in other assorted devices or paraphenilia to simulate my finger - then we'll talk! LOL Heck - I can do a whole talk just on strap-ons alone!
Hope this clears a few things up with you guys. Any questions?
CJ
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Another Day In Paradise
I got a request a little while ago to talk about a typical day. Well, it's not like I get a Freak of the Week all that often, so an average day is rather boring. But you asked for it, so here ya go.
The Business opens at 11. I usually leave early for work in case I need to buy cigs or breakfast. I pull into the parking lot around 10:45 and take a quick peek around the front to see if there's anyone waiting. I HATE it when customers are camped out. The first thing I do in the door is check the thermostat since Audrey almost always forgets to check it before she leaves in the evening. Next, I turn on all the oil bottle warmers in each room and do a quick check to make sure the place is clean (we're supposed to vacuum and prep the rooms every night).
Then I check the answering machine... It's such a crapshoot what kinda messages you're gonna get. There are a lot of hang ups. Sometimes they're weirdos, but usually it's just a couple requests for appointments. While I'm at the front desk, I'll check the log for yesterday and see how business was.
If no one's waiting for a session, then I get to settle down in the office and start catching up on my stories. When you're stuck at work with hours between appointments, a girls best friends are the soaps, the Lifetime Channel, and the Discover Channel. I've watched so many shows on delivering babies that I could probably do it all by myself (hint - you really DON'T need to boil water).
Then the calls start...
"Uh yeah, I was wondering if Audrey's there"
"Do you guys have a girl working there named Fantasia?"
"Is this one of the THOSE places...?"
"What do you look like?"
"How much for just a blowjob?"
"Hi CJ! I'd like to make an appointment for 2:00"
FINALLY... something to look forward to. I average about 1 appointment per day, but more than likely I'll get a couple of walk ins. Half the time they're truckers...I love those guys. They're usually just 30 minutes, but they tend to tip well. Truckers know the proper massage parlor etiquette, and if it's payday I can usually count on a sweet tip. Plus, they always have the BEST stories!
I try to squeeze in lunch around 1-ish when business slows. Most guys who make appointments are Regulars so I'm actually looking forward to my 2pm. If I'm lucky, it's one of the nicer guys who always takes a mutual. That's my favorite kind of session because I can just relax and enjoy some decent company and a massage of my own.
I'll take the customer in the room and tell him to get comfortable. If I'm working by myself, I'll put the "Back in .... minutes" sign up and lock the front door. When I'm not alone, I'll just let the other girl know she has the phone and the desk. If the guys a Regular, I'll usually just assume which option he wants and undress accordingly. If he's a double, I'll immediately give him a hand release, so he'll have plenty of time to recover for the one later on. I like giving doubles because it calms the guy down and make him mellow for the rest of the session (and I get to pocket some extra $$$$).
During mutuals I prefer to go first. That way MY part of the massage isn't rushed! I know that sounds a little selfish but I figure he's paying to massage me so why should I disappoint him? Anyway, if he's not paying attention to the clock, I'll remind him that it's his turn within the last 10 or 15 minutes. I'll start the massage on my belly and have him work my shoulders and upper back. If he's any good at it, I'll let him work me hard since my shoulders almost always need it. I don't care much for lower back or legs, so I'll usually just have him work quickly towards my feet. If he's willing to do feet, I will let him go to town! I love foot massages so much that I've actually bartered extras and options with customers I know give good foot.
Then I'll flip over and let him work my legs a bit, but you, me, and everyone else out there knows that once I'm on my back, attention turns to The Girls. As long as I'm not PMSing and they don't ache, I'll let the customer take his time (as long as he's being gentle) with them. Since it's called a mutual "massage," that's all he's allowed to do. Nipple play costs extra, and I have to really trust you first.
When the session is over, the session is over. I almost NEVER go over time because phones need to be answered, customers could be waiting, or Audrey could be standing outside the door wondering why it's been an hour when the guy only paid for 45 minutes. So I tend to be very punctual about delivering that happy ending. My standing rule for the happy ending is 5 minutes, then you're on your own. If the customer is cool enough, I'll often end up hanging out with him afterward so we can bullshit or smoke a cigarette. If he's a good friend, we might hang out in the office or go grab something to eat.
With the appointment over and the day shift coming to an end, I'll make sure my room is clean and the oil bottles are full before the turnover at 5:00. Apart from that there's not much else I need to do other than pass on any messages or appointments. When Trina and I are doing turnover, we always hang out extra so we can catch up on gossip. When it's with Audrey, we try to get the fuck outta there. When Audrey is working nights, she has this horrible habit of coming in an hour or two early to "work the desk" when in reality she's trying to take appointments and walk-ins away from us. Bitch.
And that's a regular day in the life of an Erotic Massage Therapist. Is it as glamorous as you would have guessed? LOL
CJ
The Business opens at 11. I usually leave early for work in case I need to buy cigs or breakfast. I pull into the parking lot around 10:45 and take a quick peek around the front to see if there's anyone waiting. I HATE it when customers are camped out. The first thing I do in the door is check the thermostat since Audrey almost always forgets to check it before she leaves in the evening. Next, I turn on all the oil bottle warmers in each room and do a quick check to make sure the place is clean (we're supposed to vacuum and prep the rooms every night).
Then I check the answering machine... It's such a crapshoot what kinda messages you're gonna get. There are a lot of hang ups. Sometimes they're weirdos, but usually it's just a couple requests for appointments. While I'm at the front desk, I'll check the log for yesterday and see how business was.
If no one's waiting for a session, then I get to settle down in the office and start catching up on my stories. When you're stuck at work with hours between appointments, a girls best friends are the soaps, the Lifetime Channel, and the Discover Channel. I've watched so many shows on delivering babies that I could probably do it all by myself (hint - you really DON'T need to boil water).
Then the calls start...
"Uh yeah, I was wondering if Audrey's there"
"Do you guys have a girl working there named Fantasia?"
"Is this one of the THOSE places...?"
"What do you look like?"
"How much for just a blowjob?"
"Hi CJ! I'd like to make an appointment for 2:00"
FINALLY... something to look forward to. I average about 1 appointment per day, but more than likely I'll get a couple of walk ins. Half the time they're truckers...I love those guys. They're usually just 30 minutes, but they tend to tip well. Truckers know the proper massage parlor etiquette, and if it's payday I can usually count on a sweet tip. Plus, they always have the BEST stories!
I try to squeeze in lunch around 1-ish when business slows. Most guys who make appointments are Regulars so I'm actually looking forward to my 2pm. If I'm lucky, it's one of the nicer guys who always takes a mutual. That's my favorite kind of session because I can just relax and enjoy some decent company and a massage of my own.
I'll take the customer in the room and tell him to get comfortable. If I'm working by myself, I'll put the "Back in .... minutes" sign up and lock the front door. When I'm not alone, I'll just let the other girl know she has the phone and the desk. If the guys a Regular, I'll usually just assume which option he wants and undress accordingly. If he's a double, I'll immediately give him a hand release, so he'll have plenty of time to recover for the one later on. I like giving doubles because it calms the guy down and make him mellow for the rest of the session (and I get to pocket some extra $$$$).
During mutuals I prefer to go first. That way MY part of the massage isn't rushed! I know that sounds a little selfish but I figure he's paying to massage me so why should I disappoint him? Anyway, if he's not paying attention to the clock, I'll remind him that it's his turn within the last 10 or 15 minutes. I'll start the massage on my belly and have him work my shoulders and upper back. If he's any good at it, I'll let him work me hard since my shoulders almost always need it. I don't care much for lower back or legs, so I'll usually just have him work quickly towards my feet. If he's willing to do feet, I will let him go to town! I love foot massages so much that I've actually bartered extras and options with customers I know give good foot.
Then I'll flip over and let him work my legs a bit, but you, me, and everyone else out there knows that once I'm on my back, attention turns to The Girls. As long as I'm not PMSing and they don't ache, I'll let the customer take his time (as long as he's being gentle) with them. Since it's called a mutual "massage," that's all he's allowed to do. Nipple play costs extra, and I have to really trust you first.
When the session is over, the session is over. I almost NEVER go over time because phones need to be answered, customers could be waiting, or Audrey could be standing outside the door wondering why it's been an hour when the guy only paid for 45 minutes. So I tend to be very punctual about delivering that happy ending. My standing rule for the happy ending is 5 minutes, then you're on your own. If the customer is cool enough, I'll often end up hanging out with him afterward so we can bullshit or smoke a cigarette. If he's a good friend, we might hang out in the office or go grab something to eat.
With the appointment over and the day shift coming to an end, I'll make sure my room is clean and the oil bottles are full before the turnover at 5:00. Apart from that there's not much else I need to do other than pass on any messages or appointments. When Trina and I are doing turnover, we always hang out extra so we can catch up on gossip. When it's with Audrey, we try to get the fuck outta there. When Audrey is working nights, she has this horrible habit of coming in an hour or two early to "work the desk" when in reality she's trying to take appointments and walk-ins away from us. Bitch.
And that's a regular day in the life of an Erotic Massage Therapist. Is it as glamorous as you would have guessed? LOL
CJ
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Crappy Day
I knew I was going to have a bad morning when I was greeted at work with this answering machine message:
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP........This is a message for Audrey. I think I got a rash on my balls. Thank you - you dirty whore. You fucking slut! You make me sick....... BEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I shoulda stayed home.
Anyways, in case you were wondering, my schedule has been totally turned upside down. That's why I haven't been writing as often as I used to. Since we hired Rose everyone decided it was time to take their vacations and divide up all the remaining shifts. So now I'm on a totally different routine and working shifts that were traditionally Audreys or Trinas.
It totally sucks.
First off, all my Regulars have been thrown off too. Guys have been showing up and Audrey is the first one to try to steal them... "Oh CJ's not here... why don't you let me take care of you?" At least Trina tells them the truth so they can reschedule with me. I've also been going through my phone list and trying to let everyone know my hours have changed. Blah.
Second, I'm now getting all of Audreys customers! Now you're probably thinking that it's only fair that I try to steal her customers. BUT - the difference is that I don't WANT any of her assholes. Remember that Audrey is kinda full-service (Semi-service? Quasi-service? Three Quarters - service?), so half these guys expect to finger me while the other half expect blow jobs. And ALL of them don't expect to pay full price!
So there I was... 2nd customer of the day, and it's one of Audreys Regulars. I had never had him before, so I reluctantly took him in session. Luckily he only wanted 30 minutes. But as soon as I get him in the room, I get this shit...
"Audrey only charges me $50 for a topless."
Fuck. Why do they always start with me? Since he's Audrey's Regular, I'm not supposed to turn him away, but I don't have to take his shit. Since I'm such a caring, giving person, I compromise. "That's fine. But you get a choice, either topless and no happy ending, or happy ending and keep the sweatshirt."
"You can't do that! I paid for that handjob!"
I looked at him calmly. I've heard this argument a hundred times before. "No, you didn't pay for a handjob - that would be prostitution. You paid for a massage. And it's up to me to do the end part, but only if I want to. And you know what? I don't want to." And with that I turned around and walked out of the room.
"I'll tell Audrey about this!" I heard behind me.
If I had a dollar for each time somebody said that to me, I'd be able to retire.
CJ
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP........This is a message for Audrey. I think I got a rash on my balls. Thank you - you dirty whore. You fucking slut! You make me sick....... BEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I shoulda stayed home.
Anyways, in case you were wondering, my schedule has been totally turned upside down. That's why I haven't been writing as often as I used to. Since we hired Rose everyone decided it was time to take their vacations and divide up all the remaining shifts. So now I'm on a totally different routine and working shifts that were traditionally Audreys or Trinas.
It totally sucks.
First off, all my Regulars have been thrown off too. Guys have been showing up and Audrey is the first one to try to steal them... "Oh CJ's not here... why don't you let me take care of you?" At least Trina tells them the truth so they can reschedule with me. I've also been going through my phone list and trying to let everyone know my hours have changed. Blah.
Second, I'm now getting all of Audreys customers! Now you're probably thinking that it's only fair that I try to steal her customers. BUT - the difference is that I don't WANT any of her assholes. Remember that Audrey is kinda full-service (Semi-service? Quasi-service? Three Quarters - service?), so half these guys expect to finger me while the other half expect blow jobs. And ALL of them don't expect to pay full price!
So there I was... 2nd customer of the day, and it's one of Audreys Regulars. I had never had him before, so I reluctantly took him in session. Luckily he only wanted 30 minutes. But as soon as I get him in the room, I get this shit...
"Audrey only charges me $50 for a topless."
Fuck. Why do they always start with me? Since he's Audrey's Regular, I'm not supposed to turn him away, but I don't have to take his shit. Since I'm such a caring, giving person, I compromise. "That's fine. But you get a choice, either topless and no happy ending, or happy ending and keep the sweatshirt."
"You can't do that! I paid for that handjob!"
I looked at him calmly. I've heard this argument a hundred times before. "No, you didn't pay for a handjob - that would be prostitution. You paid for a massage. And it's up to me to do the end part, but only if I want to. And you know what? I don't want to." And with that I turned around and walked out of the room.
"I'll tell Audrey about this!" I heard behind me.
If I had a dollar for each time somebody said that to me, I'd be able to retire.
CJ
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