Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Early Bird Special

Now that I'm not spending most of my free time at Derek's place, I have no excuse not to write stuff for the blog. In fact, I think I've gotten over my slump and I find it fun to talk about things at work again. So first, a quick update about The Business.

Numbers are up as we enter the 2nd quarter of 2012. Around here, that's just a fancy way of saying we must be busy because my arms are tired. According to Maude, our session numbers are up, but session times are down compared to last year. This basically means that more guys have disposable income, but they're not paying for extras and options.

I'm not complaining since we're seeing the return of some Regulars who had to give up our services a couple years ago in exchange for food, rent and gasoline. And with the extra customers, Audrey is bugging me to hire someone permanently. She still doesn't know that Cindy has been moonlighting for me, but even that hasn't been enough to cover the extra work.

Let me put it to you this way, if you walk into a massage parlor and you see the waiting room actually being used by another customer - then business is booming. One of the cardinal rules of any parlor is Never Let The Customers See Each Other. I guess for some guys it's embarassing enough that they have to use our services, so letting other guys know they're using our services even though those guys are also using our services is just a no-no. So our front area is set up so we can sit at the most 2 customers without them facing each other.

Trina and I have been alternating shifts during weekdays and then working together on Friday and Saturday nights. Cindy has been providing us with relief on night shifts to avoid Maude. But where we could really use help now is Wednesday and Thursday day shift. This is when we get most of our "mature" clientele.

In fact, we get so many seniors on those days that I'm thinking of running an Early-Bird Special. I am not kidding. When the older gentlemen get their social security checks, they all want 60 minute sessions. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just that some of these guys just want to keep talking and talking and talking. Before I know it, a 1 hour session keeps me unavailable for 2 hours.

They talk before the session. The chat during the session. They gossip after the session. And when it's just me on a Thursday morning, it's not unusual to finish an appointment and find 2 more customers waiting, while a 3rd is chatting up Maude! Speaking of which - Maude is great with the old timers. She's old enough to relate to them, but young enough to still be addressed as "Young Lady."

Now don't get me wrong - I love these guys. Some of my older customers have been Regulars since my first employer. Not THAT'S loyalty. And they can be the sweetest guys on the planet. I just don't need all of them to show up on the same day right before lunch.

It doesn't help either that they usually require longer happy endings. So by the time I get one out the door, I barely get any time to rest and freshen up before Maude is stuffing the next guy in my room. And to make things worse (and I am not making this up) old guys on average have the biggest penises. I don't know what it is - I can only guess they keep growing with age. But the biggest ones I've ever had to work with were attached to really old men who were in no condition to use them properly.

Maybe this is just proof that God has a sense of humor.

Anyway, this is why I'm seriously considering a "Senior Special" on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe offer 30 minute sessions at half price. In the room we could bring back the "fully clothed" or even "bra" option so I can get ready for the next guy in a fraction of the time. Washing my hands and throwing a shirt back on is soooooo much quicker than having to rinse off in the shower, dry off, and completely dress up again. I'd do the fully clothed session for $40 and the bra option for $60. Touch within reason would be an extra $20. I swear that most of the older guys don't even notice that I'm naked, so why bother paying for it, right?

I can start offering the cheaper clothing options now, but I'll need Audrey's approval for a reduced door fee. I know she's gonna bitch about it, but we'll see. In the meanwhile, let me go find my bottle of White Diamonds and catch up on the news so I know what everyone is complaining about.



Zoey from ATL said...

Love your blog CJ! I read it from start to finish in 2 days! I have an interview at a parlor in a few days, any tips on what to expect if I get the job? I don't know if you have the right audience for this but since I started reading I had hoped you would do a post on how to manage working at a massage parlor. I guess thats pretty much the subject of the blog but I was thinking specifics like, how to survive your first day, what to expect the first time you're with a customer, technique tips (massage...or I guess handjob tips too! Lol) etc. Anyways, love the blog, keep it up!

Jaycob said...

Heeeeeyyyyy....what about my idea I gave you? The one about, have you ever given sessions to your boyfriends friends, or seen them as customers? If you decided not to write it after all its cool. But still a simple yes or no helps lol. Would you love to have a customer that wants a session that involves sexual torture? Like this role play starts with a guy getting kidnapped then waking up in a room with a sex worker. He wants to escape but she over powers him. Her evil mission is to make him cum, much to his discomfort....persay. Aside from your work what are your best enjoyments? Favorite movie...food, etc?

Anonymous said...

I'm one of those older guys who takes longer, but enjoys every second of it. Bigger as we age eh? lol

I too enjoy chatting with my masseuse. I like to get to know who I'm working with and I only work with the same provider each time. I've already gotten to know her rather well and really enjoy talking during session. I would keep talking with her for a long while afterwards too, but duty calls and when I get back from the shower, she's normally busy with another client. She has never rushed me or skimped on time with me. She has my complete loyalty and if she ever did move to a different place, I would follow.

I think your idea of a special price for a shorter period is an interesting one. I'd like to know how it works out and if you're allowed to try it.

Glad to hear you're over your funk. I know we all missed your updates. Tell us about what led you to get a license in massage therapy to start with. I don't recall you mentioning this earlier on. If you did, I apologize in advance.

Anonymous said...


MrMikelobe1952@hotmail.com said...

I won't say how much I've enjoyed your blog. I've posted that message more than once. I've gotten into the habit of checking your blog almost daily. (Obviously, many of the trolls do the same. They must love it as much as I do).
I will just add the comments of others who have said how happy they are to see you in a better mood and sharing stories again. Without saying how old I am,
I was wondering if you could tell me how old a client has to be before you think of them as one of your older customers.

Tom Moran said...

This is one of your better posts. I think an "Early Bird Special" makes a lot of sense. But you'd better be careful -- some of these guys might be showing up at 6:00 AM! :)

Anonymous said...

CJ's competition (from an ex-client):


tony said...

Hey by any chance can i set up and appointment with you?

Anonymous said...

Sorry Tony. Hate to break the news to you, but CJ is a 400 lb. hausfrau living in a fantasy world. It's all made up. No one can vouch she is real. No one here has EVER claimed to have met her, let alone gotten jacked off by her. It's all bullshit.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to know where you "work" since I live in the area. Could you maybe give me a hint/clue. Just give me the first and last letter of your establishment and I'll see if I can put the rest together myself. I figure if I'm gonna spend the money, might as well be on something/someone I want.

MLGecko said...

New to posting but I figure, why not? Sorry to hear about you and Derek but it is only natural to become curious so your choice seems to be for it to end or for you to come (no pun intended) clean and possibly still have it end. But I am glad you are in a better place. Cheers.


Anonymous said...

How about this for a early bird special. I walk through the front door. You drop to your knees as I whip it out. You jack me off until I blow my load in your face. You say "Thank you Sir. May I have another." I zip up, spit on you, throw a crumpled $5 bill in your cum covered face, and go on my merry way.


CJ, you are such a stupid, diseased cunt. If AIDS doesn't kill you, I'm sure one of your "clients" will end your miserable existance in a bloody horrible way.

MrMike said...


I'm amazed at how your blog seems to be attracting comments from people who seem to be more and more troubled. It is almost like there is a competition to see who has the sickest imagination.
I hope that somehow some of this helps you to put your life in perspective like this:
There are times, as you have written, that society's scorn for what you do seems to affect your self image. You seem at times to be influenced by the view that your life is below what others do. At times, people have written that, unlike munitions and cigarette manufacturers, you do not kill people. Well, this demonstrates something else.
There are people like the poster above who are consumed by a self-destructive yet impotent hate. I hope there is some benefit to you in being reminded that you are a much better person than people like this.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear you're doing better CJ! I missed having something to read!

George17 said...

Dear CJ,
Is there anything in the book that isn't on your blog ? Great move getting a book out. Love hearing your stories.

Anonymous said...

Just love the knights who rumour to save ch.

Anonymous said...

The book seems to be the real deal! Congratulations CJ on getting it out.

Anonymous said...


How big in inches is the biggest dick you have seen on your table?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Mike, the shining knight in armor defending the "honor" of a WHORE in distress. Pathetic. You must be a sad little man.

And now it seems Claire has turned her blog into a Kindle book. Goes to show that any low life can get an e-book published now days. What a fucked up world. December 21st 2012 can't come fast enough.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog. It makes me feel so much better about my life, knowing I don't have to sell my dignity by jack off old guys for cash. :D

MrMike said...

I can't believe I'm prolonging this, but I just can't resist.
Anon above at 6:06 p.m.:
Your words confirm my description of you.

Anonymous said...

Indeed they do Mike. What complete and total insecurity they must have. They feel the need to lash out at others because they likely share and participate in the very actions discussed in the blog. The harsher the criticism, the greater the odds that the poster is exactly what he/she despises most.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the hostile poster is either a sex worker who lies to their significant other, or someone who frequents such establishments.

Either that, or they are someone who hates fucking idiots like the two of you. LMFAO

Anonymous said...

I think all of you are fucking idiots for buying into the whole CJ myth. The bitch is most likely a 400 lb, agoraphobic house wife with an overactive imagination, or some 40 year old smelly perverted guy in filthy boxers and a wife-beater who still lives in his mother's basement.

Since no one here has ever claimed to have actually met CJ, it's most likely this is all bullshit. And all are just shoveling in your mouths like there is no tomorrow.

-Anon X

Joe said...

"Since no one here has ever claimed to have actually met CJ, it's most likely this is all bullshit."

Actually, I've read a couple of reviews on one of the MP review sites of an MP in PA that matches CJ's descriptions, right down to the specific options offered, the prices quoted and the procedures they use when offering them. Too close to be a coincidence and also too specific and unique to be generic characteristics of MP's in general. The reviews were posted after CJ began her blog, so she didn't get the ideas for the options and prices from those reviews. The blog and CJ's descriptions came first. At least one of the reviewers was well known as being a genuine reviewer by the review website's community, so the reviews were probably not faked either.

I'm not going to reveal which MP it was, as CJ doesn't wish for her place of work to become common knowledge here on this blog, but I've seen it and the evidence appears to have credibility to me. You can take that for what it's worth.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Aha! The games afoot Watson.

With a little detective work, I should be posting CJ's whereabouts shortly.

-Sherlock Bones

Anonymous said...

OOH! Please, do tell!

mrbig said...

I think your customers will enjoy your clothed handjobs. If you give them a discount for being clothed, I think you'll have a great customer fan base.

Does anybody know if CJ studied handjobs, unoffically, at massage school?

Anonymous said...

CJ's handjob skills come naturally from being a born SLUT. She became a WHORE when she got paid for it.

Come on, Sherlock. Tell us what you have found out so far.

Anonymous said...

I just managed to catch up on your blog. Been following it for a longer while. Must say I am surprised by what has happened to you, quite curious about the situation with the infamous fingering incident. What happened that you allowed that particular client to cross the line? As from your posts you're rather stuck to your decisions and not easily changing mind to work related things. Were you in some serious money need or just he was too naggy about it and you "let it" be? :S

Anyway I am really happy to see you are getting back to your old self. Hope all is going fine.

Anonymous said...

Great. Another Spike Lee twitch fiasco. I feel sorry for the girl some people will think it's CJ.

Anonymous said...

From a process of deduction and eliminating all MPs with Oriental and foreign workers, along with the geographical area within commuting distance of Reading PA, and examining the reviews of the remaining MPs, I have narrowed the possible locations of CJ's workplace down to two. I will post the most likely location after eliminating one of those two with some additional research.

The mystery is almost solved.

-Sherlock Bones

Anonymous said...

You people are daft. It's already been proven time and time again she's in California via simple IP traces that anyone can do.

Anonymous said...

Well, as long as we are at it. Has anyone ever tried to figure out what CJ stands for? Cindy Johnson? Chris Jacobs? Carol? Cheryl? Sherlock Bones, any thoughts?

findinit said...

She's not in California. Tracing IP addresses is clever but likely leads to Mountain View, CA. That, my friends, is the location of Google, the company behind Blogger.

Trust me, CJ doesn't live there.

btw, I know where CJ works. She is real...and they're spectacular.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Finditin,

Are my deductions correct?

-Sherlock Bones

findinit said...

Sherlock Bones,

I'll say it took me a while to find her. After I did I realized the thrill was in the chase.

I am the furthest thing from a white knight but I don't want to out her.

Enjoy the search for cj.

Anonymous said...

American dolls? Sounds like strip club. Bad name for MP that's pretending to be legit. I'm just hoping for some pics or the fabled videos to surface!

Anonymous said...

Come on Sherlock, out the dirty whore. :)

MrMike said...

The comments can be amusing at times,
but we miss hearing from you.

Anonymous said...

I agree with MrMike!

Hurry up you dirty ho, on with the next story!

Dru said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rfc1117 said...

I have just discovered your blog. Thank you for the humor, insight and wisdom about a "taboo" subject

rfc1117 said...

I just discovered your blog and want to compliment you on it being informative, entertaining and amusing, plus being a public service.

Speaking of senior citizens, I am one who recently had a prostatectomy. Shall I tell the erotic masseuse about this at some point in our session?

claverboy07 said...

Part of me thinks this is a bullshit prosecution and another part of me thinks that this person may have been involved a lot more than they can prove right now.
We will know more after debriefing.

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