Tuesday, June 7, 2011

And The Winner Is........

No one yet. I told you - we don't have to hire anyone till the end of the month. I knew that you guys would be rooting for the stripper. Unfortunately she's not a favorite. Even Audrey said to avoid her. My favorite is still the LMT that interviewed here last week. She's got her license and has been doing legit massage for several years now. Then she lost her job when the economy tanked, so she's knocking on our door. Amazing how several months of unemployment will encourage anyone to add "handjob" to her list of skills.

"Brenda" is a little on the heavy side, pretty face, dark hair, and a decent personality. But you could tell she was nervous as all hell when she got here. She said she was confused when she first walked in because The Business was not what she was expecting. Apparently she was picturing a dark, musty smelling room lit with red lights and decorated with tacky pictures of half-naked women. "Why half-naked women?" I asked.

"Because that's what it saw in this movie about a massage parlor once," she said sounding relieved. Gawd I hate movies about parlors. They always get it soooooooo wrong.
Heck, if you're gonna put up pics of naked women, why not just post the prices for breast releases and toe-sucking while you're at it? Save the cops the trouble of actually trying to figure it out on their own.

Anyway, I answered Brenda's questions and concerns on making a turn towards the Dark Side of massage therapy. Her biggest concern was going against everything she ever practiced about separating therapy from sensuality (in other words, instead of ignoring a hard-on, actually encouraging it.) For a legitimate massage therapist, it's a huge deal so I know where she's coming from.

I told her that she'll be too nervous about being naked to even worry about giving a handjob to a stranger. She laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. I don't know. I sympathize with her and the position she's in. Would she be a good worker? Well, I think we could actually count on her showing up on time. She may throw up during her first session, but at least it'll be during her shift.

Some of you out there are probably wondering why on earth we'd pick a chubby LMT over a stripper. After all, isn't the whole point of the job to get guys off? Actually, most of the job is to provide a relaxing massage with the getting-off part at the very end. And after an hour of getting rubbed by a girl with no clothes on, you don't need to be a stripper to finish the job. In fact, Brenda the LMT may be better at it because she'll deliver a higher quality massage. I don't know how many guys have told me that the worst thing is to have a girl rush you through a crappy massage and then expect you to cum within 30 seconds from a less-than-enthusiastic handjob.

Stripper's are meant to be looked at. Brenda would probably make a lousy stripper. But with the lights turned down, a little bit of soft music, and her well lubed hand wrapped around your cock - she could be a pretty good erotic masseuse.


Thursday, June 2, 2011

Confessions Of An Erotic Employer

We've had 6 girls in here so far, and each one worse than the other. I mean, what happened to all the good old fashioned, all-American, erotic masseuses? I'm talking about a girl with her massage license who can work all the knots out of your back, discuss sports and politics, crack a joke, and stroke a cock while looking good in high heels. Is that too much to ask for?

At this point I'm just looking for a girl who doesn't have any missing teeth or needle tracks. And if you think I'm just being picky, you should try applying at a male-owned parlor. The interview usually consists of a blowjob.

I've talked to Trina about this, and we've both decided to drag this out as long as possible. Yes, the current hours suck since we have to divide up all the shifts between the 2 of us, but things aren't that busy yet. I figure we'll have till the end of this month before we'll need the help. Besides, it would be impossible to take time off during the summer without an extra girl or 2.

Audrey is bitching that she wants someone NOW, but only because she's afraid we're losing appointments. She even offered to come back and help us work the sweet shifts on the weekends (of course). Gawd forbid she would offer to take a Wednesday night when NO ONE shows up. Oh well, it's nice to be the owner...

Anyway, the quality of applicants is lacking to say the least. We did get a girl in here who was working at one of the non-Asian places that got busted last year. I said no because even though she had experience, she was used to working full-service and she looked pretty skanky in my opinion. A couple other girls were obvious druggies. And then there was one girl who had a pretty interesting story.

"Candy" was a stripper from Florida who moved back in with her parents here in PA. She hasn't found work at any of the local clubs, so that's when she turned to us. When I asked her if she had any other experience besides dancing she said "Well, I did do a bit of acting."


Turns out Candy was working the local porn scene down in Florida. Now when I heard "porn" I immediately thought of school girl outfits, pizza delivery boys, and hairy old men wearing lots of gold chains (goes to show what I know of today's adult movies). Candy said it wasn't like that at all. She said she would occasionally get parts in what she called "Reality Porn" movies.

Apparently there's a type of porn that's supposed to look like real people having candid sex. College kids, horny housewives, leaked sex tapes, etc. The way Candy describes it, it's all a very elaborate hoax. And in fact, it's probably even more produced and scripted than regular fuck-n-suck porn.

She would play background parts like bachelorette party girl, or drunken sorority slut. Her job was to pretend to be a "friend" of the movies actual star and pretend to be shocked by her outrageous behavior. The hardcore sex parts were played by real porn stars - usually girls who were just breaking into the industry. Candy said she would get anywhere between a hundred bucks for "Anonymous Girl" and up to several hundred for "Horny Friend" if she got naked and danced on camera.

Now you're all probably wondering why we didn't hire her on the spot. Remember - I'm looking for a girl who's gonna show up on time and do her best not to lose any customers. To be honest, strippers typically make lousy masseuses. They're never on time, and they always skip their shifts when the club calls. But on the plus side, she's NOT full service, she would be incredibly entertaining to have around, and she's local. I actually liked her personally, I just don't think she would be a good fit for us.

Currently my favorite girl has previous massage experience, but has never done happy endings before. She's licensed, but was the first one laid off at the spa she used to work at when business tanked. Trina didn't like her, but I did. But I'll keep you posted. Like I said, we'll try to postpone anyone getting hired for at least another month.