Monday, June 30, 2008

Guys Are Really Cute When They're Giving You Things - Follow Up

OK guys, I just wanted to take a quick break here in the middle of my exciting story of my first day at work to reveal the correct answers to my post on favors.

I tried explaining earlier that when I originally wrote that, I didn’t consciously try to create 2 matching sets of favors given and received. But luckily, it was close enough to make a game out of it! So here is a better explanation of the favors I have received throughout the years in this business.

(BTW – Please feel free to compare these to that turkey you got from your boss on Thanksgiving and then tell me who has the better job)

Insanely generous tip – Handjob on his boat
This is another one of my “Cindy” stories. You see, after receiving the “insanely” generous tip in question, Cindy and I were invited to go on the boat of one of my SD’s (Sugar Daddy). Towards the end of the day, Cindy and her SD went downstairs into that cabin thing so they could fuck like bunny rabbits, leaving me and my SD drinking beer up on top. Well after a couple of beers I was feeling a bit frisky. So after fetching us a couple of cold ones, I casually reached over with my left hand and undid his pants. He gave me a look, but didn’t complain as I pulled his dick out of his pants and starting working it. So there I was – beer in the right hand and his cock in my left. I worked him for a bit and he finished just in time for me to grab a refill.

Car wash - Lunch
This was one of my young “fans” who wanted to do something nice without spending any money. I took him out for lunch as soon as he was done, so I wouldn’t feel like I owed him anything the next time we were in session.

6 months of my cell phone bill – Undying gratitude
I didn’t ask him to, but I do confess that I had spent enough time complaining about my bill in front of him. It was a nice gesture, but kinda creepy at the same time – so I didn’t want to go out of my way to acknowledge it.

Car payment – Harley Davidson leather jacket
I saw this as more of a loan than a favor, so I returned it with something of equal value. The fact that the jacket was a gift from a customer is neither here nor there.

Every CD from the band Dirty Looks – Free 45 minute session AND dinner
I LOVE this band – and he really went out of his way to find all those CD’s since you can’t buy them in the store anymore. I was so thankful that I took him out for dinner immediately after giving him a free session.

Fixed a speeding ticket – Butt release
This was a classic case of “I know a guy who knows a guy…” with one of my Regulars who was a lawyer. He placed a couple of phone calls and gave me a detailed list of instructions I had to follow to a letter, and it all worked out. Even though he was a lawyer, he never tipped me extra – so I gave him a special treat at the end of one of our sessions by handing him the bottle of oil, lying down on the table with my ass up and telling him “It’s all yours…”

Free hotel room – Thank you card
The guys used his free “miles” – what more do you want?

Play Station 3 – Breast Release and a free 45 minute session
He called it his “Finders Fee.” LOL I figured it was the least I could do considering he had to hit a dozen stores before finding one.

New clothes – Undying gratitude
I love new clothes and will always accept them as a gift (except for black T-shirts which I can’t stand). This is probably the most common gift I get from customers (jewelry is second).

2 new car tires – Nothing
Now this was a weird one. I once had a blowout on the way to work, and ended up driving around on that donut tire for about a week before I had time to buy a new one. This 1 customer who always gave me the creeps comes in one day with 2 (TWO!) tires. 1 tire makes sense. 4 tires make sense. But 2 tires which I didn’t need or ask for????? Come on!!!!! Plus, he was the kinda guy who expected a blowjob for something like that.

Foot rub – Hand job in the bathroom
This was one of Trina’s Regulars who I’m friends with. He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there.

Prada purse – Facial
This started off as a joke between me and a Regular. He was going to NYC and asked if I wanted anything. Well, after a bit of joking around we came up with the agreement that I’d let him jerk off on my face if he came back with a Prada purse. Now before you all start laughing about how it’s probably a $30 knock-off from Chinatown, I know how to spot an imposter. It’s all in the stitching on the inside and the layout of the pattern on the outside. Well, he brought it into our next session. After thoroughly inspecting it inside and out, I shook his hand, congratulated him, got down on my knees and said “Just don’t get it in my eyes.”

Now that just leaves the “Back rub” as the last of my favors that I give away. But as I said before, the list’s don’t perfectly match. The free massage is one of the most common favors I’ll give, but it’s usually only given to family and friends. It doesn’t make sense at the Business since customers still need to pay Audrey the Session Fee, so if I want to do a customer a favor for any reason, I’ll usually just give him an extra option.

So now you guys all know how to get my attention! Next week I will provide you an address to which you can start sending me tires and black T-shirts.


Thursday, June 26, 2008

CJ Comes Over to the Dark Side - Part 1 - My First Customer

Well after much soul searching, I decided to finally share the tale of how I got into this strange business. It wasn't exactly a fairy princess story, but what the heck, it paid the bills - fabulously.

You see, after I graduated high school, I got a few odd jobs at first. Looked into a few jobs including Nurses Aid (imagine me as a nurse!). Then I heard about the program for licensed massage therapy and decided to sign up.

First job was at an upscale day spa downtown. You'd think the job would be sweet, but let me tell ya about those rich bitches. A bunch of no tipping, cheap asses. They always remembered to tip the girl who did the nails or hair, but us masseuses they always forgot. To make matters worse, I had to put in 24 hours per week AND be on-call for another 24. Back then a typical session was about $60 to the house and tips were optional. Well since no one tipped me, all I got was $20 per massage plus $6 per hour whenever I was in the spa. And I got NO money for being on call. It wouldn't have been so bad, except that I averaged about 3 sessions per week. Talk about a disappointing job. I remember once thinking that the Shampooer had a better job than me - and that's why today I tell strangers that I'm a Shampooer at a day spa!

At this time I had a friend named Greg who I used to party with. Well, I used to notice how his wife Rita always had new clothes, and was quick to pick up the tab. I'm not the kind to be jealous of anyone, so I never asked any questions about what she did for a living. Then one night at Greg's I was talking with Rita and she asked me what I did for a living. When I told her I was a LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist) but didn't care much for it, her eyes got big and she said "Girl, have I got a job for you. I'm a masseuse too!"

But for some reason I thought there was something funny about the way she said it. I asked her where she worked, and she said it was across town at a place I had never heard of. She said they gave "relaxing massages" with "options." I think I gave her a weird look (remember - I went to school for this) when she explained that she did these massages only for men, while topless or wearing a G-string.

Let me tell ya - I looked at her like there was a horn growing out of the middle of her forehead. She noticed and laughed. "It's not that bad! I get about $40 to $80 per massage. Here - I want you to come with me to work tomorrow."

And that was the very first time I had ever heard of an erotic massage. I had no idea what to make of the idea of getting topless in front of strangers, but that amount of money per massage was just crazy. At that time I was living with a psycho boyfriend and any money to get me out of that shithole was welcome, so looking back I think I just kinda stopped asking questions because I could quadruple my income overnight.

The next day I went with Rita to her business, which was owned by two women who we would later affectionately refer to as "Tweedle-Dee" and "Tweedle-Dawn." They seemed nice enough and were very impressed with the fact that I had my LMT license. I was hired on the spot and told to get ready to take my first customer.

Now lets pause here and reflect over what has just happened (because I've gone over this in my mind a hundred times since then). What I've written here is pretty much EXACTLY what was discussed with me before I got hired. Now let us continue with this exciting story...

This guy shows up who's friends with the owners. They tell me to take him in session, so I lead him into one of the rooms. This guy (we'll call Mister) starts looking me up and down, telling me how beautiful I am and that he'll take a "nude with mutual."

Nude? NUDE? No one said nude!

"Hey mister - you wanna get me fired! I can't get naked! I can take my top off but that's it!" I was so scared about getting fired on my first client that I completely forgot that I could also take the pants off. He kinda giggled and said it was fine then. It was a little surprising how easily I took my shirt off in front of a stranger. I just figured that the room is dark, he's lying face down, and my boyfriend will NEVER KNOW.

He took the hour, so I started doing a complete therapeutic. I tried to ignore the fact that he did NOT wrap the towel around him. He was pleasantly surprised at how good I was and kept telling me so. I had never heard anyone enjoy my work that much before. The old Rich Bitches never said anything except "you're doing it too hard" or "it hurts when you do that." I have to admit it was kinda flattering, especially since I rarely ever had a male client before.

He flips over and I start on his pecs, once again trying really hard to ignore the fact that he's NOT wearing the towel. I work down to mid torso then jump straight to his legs, but before I can continue he looks at the clock and says "Now it's your turn."

"My turn for what?" I really had no clue what he just meant.

"I wanted a mutual. Remember?" He was being patient. I asked him what a mutual was. "uh... that's where I get to massage you."

"What?! You can't do that! I told you mister, that's against the rules and I don't want to get fired" I said angrily. I think he realized I was serious, so he said I could just finish up then. So I went back to his legs and started working them again. I had to go quickly since his 45 minutes were almost up.

I notice now that he's fidgeting, and then finally he sits up and asks "what about the ending?" in an annoyed tone. I told him I was almost done and he said, "... no. I mean the hand job."


????!!!! ???!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!! ?


I can't really describe with words what I was thinking at that moment. I was shocked, offended, scared and confused all at the same time. That was it for me. I yelled "I'm not doing that!" Then I threw my shirt back on - oily hands and all - grabbed my bra and bolted out the door. I went straight to the office and explained that I was just taken advantage of by that "friend" of theirs and that none of it was my fault - "Please don't fire me!"

But all they did was laugh. This really threw me. I felt like I was Alice and this was Wonderland. What kind of place was this???? Naked men? Naked Masseuses? Handjobs??? Remember - I was young, naive and just out of high school. I had no idea what a "massage parlor" was.

When they were done laughing, they told me not to worry and they would take care of it. Dee went to see Mister to explain that I was a newbie. A few minutes later, she comes back and says "Everything's cool. Here - this is for you." Then Dee hands me $100 in cash. "That's your tip." My eyes bugged out - I had weekly paychecks that were less than that. To Dawn she said "He thought she was sweet, but we have to talk to her."

This is when someone finally explained to me what "Erotic Massage" REALLY meant. And my life hasn't been the same since.

And that ends Part 1 of my so called "first time." Unfortunately, this is the nice part of the story. Part 2 is going to be harder for me to tell.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Guys Are Really Cute When They're Giving You Things

I got some interesting questions from you guys about what kind of favors guys do for me. Well here is a small list of things people have done for me in the hopes of getting in my good graces (both customers and friends):

1) Insanely generous tip
2) Car wash
3) 6 months of my cell phone bill.
4) Car payment
5) Every CD made from the band Dirty Looks
6) Fixed a speeding ticket
7) Free hotel room
8) Play Station 3 (right when it came out!)
9) New clothes
10) 2 new car tires
11) Foot rub
12) A Prada purse

And of course, being the wonderful, giving person I am, I returned the favors in kind. Here is a small example of things I've done to show my gratitude. (Try to match the favors given to those received!)

1) Free 45 minute session
2) Dinner
3) Breast release
4) Undying gratitude
5) 10 minute back rub
6) Nothing
7) Harley Davidson Leather jacket
8) Facial
9) Lunch
10) Butt release
11) Thank You card
12) Hand job on his boat

Happy Guessing!


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Double-Handed Criss-Cross Technique

OK - I found it. I made some phone calls this week and confirmed that there is a video of me performing my infamous Double-Handed Criss-Cross technique.

Of course I have absolutely no intention of sharing it on the internet. LOL

But it's funny that I had almost completely forgotten that I had a copy of it. Ya see, it was about 3 or so years ago, a friend of mine (Sugar Daddy Brad) introduced me to a friend of his we'll call Jared. Really nice guy, not quite 50 who unfortunately became a widower at an early age. My SD Brad suggested my services might help cheer him up a bit since it had been a couple of years already and he hadn't started dating yet. I called him up and asked if he still had the video and he said "What - did you lose your copy?"

HOLY SHIT! If went through all my crap at home and found it inside the DVD box for "All Dogs Go To Heaven." Thank God my nephew never borrowed that one. So then I popped it in to refresh my memory of the old days...

Anyway, I used to see Jared once or twice a month for about a year, and our sessions weren't anything out of the ordinary. Then one day I asked him for a REALLY REALLY big favor. Well, he came through and I asked him what he wanted in return. He gave me a big shit-eating grin and asked quite humbly "Can I get a video tape of you doing the end part?"

Wow. Not quite what I expected. I thought he'd ask for a free breast release or something. Maybe take him out to dinner. Heck, I had never done video or even camera's before. However, I felt I could really trust him not to try to blackmail me with it since Sugar Daddy Brad would just kick his ass. So I said "Sure! I even have a few ideas."

At our next session, he came in with a gym bag that contained the video camera (couldn't let Audrey see it!!!). He showed me how it worked, and then we played with it a bit and tried to figure out the best angles and the lighting. Then I told him "Sit over there and I'll pretend to come in and seduce you." He sat in the corner of the room and I went out and then walked back in very casually.
"Hi... What can I do for you?" I used the deep voice.

He started laughing and said "I heard I could have a good time around here. How about you lose that shirt?"

I walked up and stopped in front of him. "You like that?" I said as I pulled my T-shirt up over my head. Then I undid my bra and let it hit the floor. He didn't say anything after that. I think he was just concentrating on holding the camera still.

I told him to get comfortable, so he turned the camera off and stripped. He wasn't interested in a massage at this point, so he just lied back and propped the camera up as best he could so he could see the view finder. I stripped down to G-string, then grabbed the warm oil.

My table is about 3 feet off the ground, so when a guy with a normal build lies on it, my breasts are just slightly above a nice hard dick. This way I can perform the hand release without my hands blocking view of The Girls.

I oiled him up and started off with just my left hand working his cock up and down. When he became hard enough I moved my right hand across the other to rub his balls. So picture my arms crossed as I work him. With the left hand I'm working his cock up and down, and my right forearm slides back and forth along the side of his cock while the right hand strokes his balls. And with my arms crossing each other, they push The Girls up and out, which makes for a really nice show.

He made some moaning noises, but I didn't hurry him along since this was his reward. He kept the camera pretty much focused on my hands and tits. I think he wanted to make a point of not shooting my face. Now all I did for 5 minutes was work him with my hands, changing position every now and then, but still trying to keep The Girls pressed together. Eventually he started moaning louder and said "I wanna cum on your tits!" I obliged him and leaned over slightly as he came. He shot an embarrasingly small load onto the side of my right breast. I rubbed it around with the tip of his dick (for dramatic effect) then I made a peace sign for the camera!!!! LOL

Then the screen turned blue. A few seconds later, I saw myself in a white bustier with matching white gloves... FUCK - I FORGOT ABOUT THE REST OF THE TAPES! I quickly turned it off and then grabbed my laptop to write all this shit down.

And that was my very first foray into the world of video porn. Now as you can see, I had so much fun showing off for the camera, that I actually shot a number of other videos with Jared, but those stories will have to wait for later. Funny how he ended up doing a LOT of favors for me that year.


The Narc

Audrey finally hired someone. I like how she waited until I was off to do it. The new girl is named Rachel, and she worked for the Other Business a couple years ago. Trina and I vaguely remember her name. I called over to the Other Place just to make sure it was the same girl we were thinking of and it checked out. They didn’t have much to say about her, other than she was kinda on and off for a while before she finally quit.

It’s unclear what she was doing the last couple years. She told Audrey during the interview that she was at home taking care of her boyfriends kids and doing odd jobs. Trina and I called up some of our Go-To girls to get the real story. Rumor has it she had run-ins with the law over the years - possibly drugs or some domestic shit. One of my friends implied she may have been an informant for the police, but she had no proof. Trina heard something similar, except that Rachel had blabbed about the Other Business to the police in order to get out of a drug rap. Once again, no proof of any of this, so now we’re stuck with her. Oh well.

She’s kinda cute. Medium height, thin but not skinny. Dark brown hair in a perm. No obvious signs of drug use (thank God). So far she’s been really quiet, which is kinda creepy, but I guess that’s normal with people you don’t know. I was trying all day to get some sort of personal dirt out of her, but nada. If she really is a Narc, maybe we can get her to trip up on her own story.

Narcs aren’t common in this business. I mean, how can a Narc work her way into a full-service Business when she actually has to fuck customers to do it? And the non-full service places like us – forget it. You think the cops are interested in a story about how you DIDN’T blow some guy for money? Please…

Anyway, I gave Rachel the first customer of the day just to see how she’d do. Audrey already gave her the talk about how we are NOT full-service, the speech we give before the happy ending, our prices for the options, how to dress, etc… (as if Audrey actually follows any of her own rules). Rachel’s first session was 30 minutes with a $80 tip. Well I know that guy went home happy, so it looks like she’s one of us.

I insisted we close the business so we could do lunch together - partly because I get bored eating by myself, but mostly because I wanted to see how she reacts when she’s not alone. I mean, would she spend the hour glancing at her cell phone? Or maybe sneak off to the bathroom and come back wiping her nose? You can learn a lot about a person when they’re stuck sitting next to you for an hour.

Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report about her other than she recently broke up with her boyfriend and now has to work. I did think it was odd though that she claims she never worked full-service for the Other Business when I know all the girls there do (I know I was able to get away with it, but that was a while ago). The next time Trina works with her, I’ll make sure she asks the exact same questions so we can compare notes. I’ll keep you posted on how she works out.

As for me, I don’t have anything new to report. I had the entire weekend off, so I spent it hanging out at my mom’s place doing gardening. I also had a “date” with the Brad Pitt clone. He’s nice and all, but if he apologizes one more time for how he treated me in high school, I’m going to strangle him.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Official Results of the Readers Poll

OK boys and girls. I’ve added everything up and even weeded out a few cheaters and confused people. The final result (for now anyway) is:

Boys: 37 (62%)
Girls: 23 (38%)

Interesting. I honestly had no idea what to expect. But the good news is that it’s not going to affect what I write about.

What I really enjoyed was reading all of your comments, and I hope to get around to addressing all of them eventually. There were a few in there that I found really flattering – like the 10 year married couple that learned a better way to give hand jobs! Too bad I don’t have any video of my patented double-handed criss-cross technique (actually I do, but that's a whole other story). Then there was a girl who wanted to watch her boyfriend get a massage and happy ending. I also got a few shouts from some of my fellow colleagues. It’s always nice to hear from people who find some of this shit perfectly normal.

Then there were a few comments from guys who had bad experiences in massage parlors. And even one from a girl who discovered her boyfriend had gone to one (more than once I've had an angry wife on the phone wondering what "massage" was doing on her husbands VISA). One guy said he was kinda put off by some of the things I’ve described here. Believe me – not my intention. And one guy actually said he stopped going to parlors because we made him "cum too fast." Can we help it if we're good at our jobs?

But let me thank you guys again for speaking up. I got some good feedback, plus several ideas for future posts.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Freak of the Week - The Hypochondriac

Yesterday I had a guy in who pretty much is the definition of “freak of the week.” We’ll call him Iggy. Anyway, Iggy isn’t exactly a Regular but he’s so unique that we all remember him when he comes in.

Iggy is a total germaphobe/hypochondriac. It knew it was him when I pulled into the parking lot yesterday morning. He insists on being the first person in the room so there’s less chance of “contamination.” In fact, he’s there so early that there’s no need for him to make an appointment since there’s no one here to even answer the phone!

You know how you picture a germaphobe guy to be really skinny and pale? Well Iggy is pale, but he's on the chubby side. I guess food germs don’t scare him too much. He always shows up with a bag full of supplies. First thing he does in the room (after putting on his surgeons gloves) is to peel the sheets off the bed. Then he sprays everything down with his alcohol cleaner, and wipes everything up with paper towels (which he also brings).

He absolutely refuses to have any contact with our sheets and towels. Instead, he lays paper towels over the entire massage table. Then he puts aside the remaining roll plus a box of tissues for me to use exclusively with him.

Iggy always gets the nude option, but will not touch me. I offered him a “mutual” once and he freaked out at the thought. “No thanks, but you girls aren’t exactly clean.” Gee – thanks Iggy, you’re no prize either. He’s usually kinda quiet during the massage since he’s so uptight about everything, but you can tell the massage is working when he starts to open up. He confessed once to going to a strip club. Apparently a stripper leaned over and whispered in his ear, and he ran out of the place totally convinced that he had gotten VD. Washed his ear out with alcohol and went to his doctor. From the way he told this story, I gather his doctor isn’t fond of him either.

He never asks for anything unusual during his session, just the standard massage and hand release. The only thing different, I guess, is that I have to clean him up with the tissues he brought. Afterwards, he wipes himself down with that hand sanitizer stuff he brings in the economy sized bottle. Then I gather all the paper towels and tissues and stuff them in a plastic bag and walk them straight out to the dumpster (remember – we don’t like having used tissues on the premises).

Overall, he’s actually one of the nicer customers. Never grabs or pinches us. Never asks for anything “extra.” Just very business like. Why can’t the rest of the customers be like that?


Friday, June 6, 2008

Boycott Asian Massage Parlors!

I was bitching with Audrey last week about how hard it is to find a decent person to hire. Then it dawned on us how in all the years we’ve been working in the Business that we’ve never worked with anyone who came from an Asian massage parlor. EVER.

Now that doesn’t mean we’ve never worked with Asian girls before, but with 4 Asian places within 15 miles of here you would think that eventually you’d bump into someone who worked there. I mean it's not like we have national conventions or anything, but fact of the matter is that the girls that work in those places NEVER leave. And when I say NEVER leave, I mean they usually live inside the Business. The 4 Asian places near here are all houses with the windows blackened out.

One of the comments I got the other day from the boys was about how he doesn’t visit Asian places any more since they’ve been associated with human trafficking. That got me thinking about the conversation Audrey and I had. I’ve never met one of their girls, but I have spoken to lots of customers over the years about what goes on in those places (plus I saw a special on TV about it).

Apparently someone with connections to organized crime will scope out a neighborhood in the suburbs and find an inconspicuous place to set up shop. Then his crime buddies will bring in girls from China or the Philippines or wherever – either legally or illegally – to staff the place. A house mom sets the prices for all the options, so there’s very little room to negotiate. She also handles all the money, and what from what I understand the actual girls don’t see any of it. I guess they’re told (or threatened) that they work for their citizenship which never comes. Eventually the girls either get rotated out to other parlors, or end up back on boats to China (or worse). And that’s why we NEVER see them working at the regular places.

I don’t know how it is in the city, or anywhere around the country for that matter, but that’s what I’ve seen here. So if you guys wanna start a nationwide boycott of the Asian massage parlors in the name of political correctness – you have my support!

One of the weird things about working in the so-called sex industry is that there are basically 2 fundamentally opposite reasons for working in it. The first reason some of us are here is because it’s the EASIEST way to make lots of money. Let me tell ya... when you find something that gets you mad money - no matter what it is - it’s hard to walk away. Why should I pump gas for $50 a day after taxes when I can bring home $500 a day in cash?

The second reason some of us are here is because it is the ONLY way we can make any money. No training or experience necessary. There’s a reason why they’re called Crack Ho’s and not Crack Accountants. And if the only thing between sleeping in the alley and sleeping in a motel room is blowing some trucker - that blowjob ain't looking so bad after all.

Now the transition from the 1st reason to the 2nd is real obvious. You know you’ve done it when 2 things happen. First, you realize that you just did something out of total desperation that you would never have done before. And second, you did that desperate thing not for a luxury of any kind, but just to feed yourself or pay the rent. I don’t know how many friends I’ve seen go that way over the years, and I don’t like to think about it.

Luckily I’m still firmly rooted in Reason #1. When it comes my turn to work for reason #2, I think I’ll start pumping gas. At least I'd like to think that.


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Readers Poll – Results So Far

As you can tell by looking at the comments, there appears to be more boys than girls reading this nonsense. I had to double check the boys results since I noticed there were a few cheaters logging in more than 1 comment.

But I’m also very happy to see how many girls are out there. I wasn’t sure if the results of this poll were going to have any impact on me, but I have to admit that it feels pretty nice to tell some of these stories to other women and actually get positive feedback. Guys seem to gobble this stuff up, but I have always been hesitant to share some of these things with my girlfriends who aren’t in the Business. So thanks to all of you for being so supportive.

Now I’m going to leave this poll up for a bit longer before I share the official results. Heck – sometimes I can’t log on to the computer for days at a time, so I’ll give everyone out there a little extra time. In the meanwhile, I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve learned.

From the Girls
It’s nice to see that I have some fellow colleagues out there that have been in the Business in one way or another. None of you have called “bullshit” on any of my stories, so I guess you all know what I’m talking about! I also noticed that you guys seem to be quiet when it comes to making comments in general – so please feel free to ask questions about anything you read about in here.

From the Boys
I was happy to see that a few of you have already been customers of other Businesses. The rest of you who are still curious – what are you waiting for? LOL – one particular comment I liked was “I’ve been – but I wouldn’t call it erotic”!!! I feel for ya brother.

And THANKS to everyone who voted! Your comments were great.


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Freaks of the Week

Today’s freak of the Week isn’t a customer – it’s an interviewee. And let me tell ya, this one was a real clown.

I waited 3 days to write that joke!

You see, she was actually a clown. No joke – a children’s clown. The kind you see at birthday parties with the big shoes and purple wig. Seeing her here was funny and sad at the same time (kinda like a real clown).

Anyway, she came in on Friday for an interview. Tall, chunky, 35 year old brunette with short, cropped hair. Wore a bright red blouse and jeans, and looked very serious. Audrey and I did a double take when we saw “clown” written on her application. Turns out she’s been working part time as a clown for over 10 years. Her “skills” included face painting and balloon animals (can you imagine me painting some guys face like a puppy then putting on a big red clown nose and giving a hand release? LOL – betcha money there’s some guy out there who’s into that).

She got divorced a year ago and has been struggling to make ends meet ever since. Between the rising gas prices and parents not spending $$ on their kids like they used to, her income has just dried up. We asked her if she was sure she was in the right place. She said she had heard about us through a guy friend and was willing to give it a try. I thought Audrey should give her a chance, but she’s funny about people who haven’t been “initiated” into the business yet. I think if no one better comes along in the next couple of weeks, she’ll give her a shot.

Audrey and I have differing views on who makes a good masseuse. I think it’s someone who looks clean, shows up on time and gives a decent massage. She thinks it’s someone who’s less attractive than her and not squeamish about hand jobs.

The runner-up Freak of the Week goes to someone who just walked in off the street and asked for a job. She goes by Nancy, but we all know her as “Trancy – the Tranny Whore.” Anyone who’s driven down South Street at night knows who I'm talking about. She was wearing a peach colored one piece swimsuit under a pair of women’s capri pants. Her sandy blonde hair was pulled up in a scrunchie. Hints of a 5 o’clock shadow were already showing on her chin.

“I hear you’re hiring, and I think you could benefit from my skills,” she said in her sort of weird falsetto voice.

Audrey said “I’m not sure if you would go over well with our customers.” I didn’t say anything – I just stared at her adams apple while she talked.

“Honey, who do you think my customers are?” (Point scored by Trancy!)

Audrey politely let her down, which ended up not being a big deal since I think Trancy is used to rejection. Oh well. She’s fun to look at, but I wouldn’t want to work with her.

On a separate note, the readers poll is moving along. So far it looks like there are more boys than girls reading this thing. But I won’t say anything more till later. Come on girls! If Hillary can stay in the race so can you!