Friday, May 30, 2008

Guys Vote Here

If you're a guy, say a little "hi" in the comments section.

Also, anyone who's ever had an erotic massage - please let me know. Wanna know if I'm preaching to the choir.

I'll go over the results in a week or so. For some reason, I suspect that there are more guys than girls reading this. You hear that girls - prove me wrong!


Girls Vote Here

If you're a girl (or just dress like one), please leave a comment here. Doesn't have to be anything - just "hi" will do.

If you're in the "Business" please let me know too. I've always been very curious as to how many colleaguesI have out there (Slutty - I've already counted you).

I'll go over the results in a week or so. But just in case, I'll leave this poll open so anyone just dropping by can cast a vote.


Readers Poll (not "pole" you pervert)

When I first got the idea to start this blog thing, it never occured to me what my audience would be - other than "anyone NOT familiar with massage parlors." But now you boys and girls have got me wondering.

So I'm going to do my first "Readers Poll." Just say hello in the comments section of either of the next 2 posts. I'm kinda curious myself as to how many women versus men are listening to all my nonsense.

When I have the results, I probably won't know what to do with them. I don't want to start worrying about whether I have to appeal to a male or female audience. In the end, I'll probably just say Fuck It, and write whatever the hell I want to anyway! LOL


Thursday, May 29, 2008

Sugar Daddy Pete

Today was my first session with “Pete” – an incredibly generous man who first visited me a couple months ago. He called and made an appointment yesterday, which for some reason just made me really nervous and excited – in much the same way as a first date. I know that sounds stupid since he’s just a customer, but for some reason I feel like I need to go out of my way to be nice or impress him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always nice to customers (well – almost always except when they’re jerks, or I’m PMS’ing). Maybe it’s just people who flash too much cash around. Or perhaps it’s because I’m newly single and attention from any guy is now much more appreciated. I don’t know.

Am I babbling?

I think I just don’t know where to start. OK, let’s try it from the beginning. He came in this afternoon. I barely remembered what he looked like – it’s been 2 months. He’s in his 50’s, thin build but some definition, like he still works with his hands. Balding, but he keeps what’s left cut really short. Dark skin from being outside too much. At first glance you’d guess he was just a regular Working Joe, but if you look closely you’ll notice the Nautica shirt and Polo jeans.

Funny thing about expensive clothes nowadays – you spend a lot of money to look like you didn’t. Just look at any Abercrombie and Fitch window. Everything looks torn and faded - and I have a $90 pair of jeans to prove it! Anyways, I’ve learned throughout the years that you can learn a lot about a guy by looking at the labels of his clothes as they’re lying in a heap in the corner of my room during a session.

I tried to hide my nervousness by just doing my regular chit-chat I use on all new customers about the weather and gas prices. He seemed normal enough, but maybe a little on the quiet side. Or maybe I just wouldn’t let him get a word in. Gawd – I felt like I was in high school.

But I quieted down and let him talk during session (60 minute, G-string option). Apparently he owns a construction business in New York, but he’s building a vacation house down near the Amish country. They’ve just started work so he hopes to come by on a regular basis. He has a wife and 3 grown kids – all of which seem to be on his nerves at the moment. From what I can gather, they’re all a bunch of spoiled gold-diggers who only appreciate him for his money. He’d love to divorce the wife, but his lawyer has already warned him of how much it will cost. And the kids have already graduated college, but 2 of which still live at home. So he says he feels “stuck” in this sort of self-perpetuating bad dream.

I’ve seen this type before. They’re very generous with their money – but only when it’s not expected. He can hate his family, but lavish attention on a stranger only because they don’t expect anything from him. So I can be cool with this. I decided to just keep quiet and let the rest of the session play out to see what he wanted from me.

I purposely went a little over our time since he was obviously enjoying his erotic counseling session (remember – never watch the clock when giving the VIP treatment). Then when we got to the hand release, I went a little slower than usual so he’d have time to really enjoy it. I even used my “sexy” voice to talk him through it (this is when I lower my voice and talk slower and huskier – as opposed to my “you got 5 minutes then you’re on your own” voice). When he finally came, I didn’t stop but slowed down and just kept massaging his wilting dick with a combination of baby oil and cum.

Meanwhile I just kept purring at him with my deep voice to relax and let me finish cleaning him up. When he was all clean, I didn’t hurry out of the room, but let him sit up and enjoy the full view of The Girls from a sitting position (do I know how to charm a guy or what?). With the session now over, I knew that the single thought floating around his blood-deprived brain was “make your move!” So I took my time getting dressed and started with my pants instead of the bra. He finally managed to hop off the table and say “Thank you so much… here… I have something for you.” He then put a wad of bills on the table next to the candles.

99% of me was already counting the money. But the logical 1% said “Oh thank you!” while stuffing The Girls back in their lacy home. “I don’t know about you, but I need a cigarette.”

Well that seemed to clinch the deal. He smiled and said “I’ll join you... Can I see you when I come back this way?” Well Duh – like you have to ask. So he said I was “Special” and he’d call the Business the next time he passed through.

I said “What do you mean ‘special?’ Like you have to read to me slowly?”

He laughed, then I gave him a hug at the door. He pecked me on the cheek and said goodbye. Overall it really did feel kinda like a first date. Except for the handjob and the $600 tip.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Best Memorial Day Weekend

Holiday weekends are hit or miss in the Business. Everyone either has time off to see us, or they’re too busy. The one exception is Thanksgiving. For some reason, that’s usually our biggest weekend of the year. Personally, I think it’s a combination of the weekend travel plus the incentive to spend spend spend for the holiday season.

Now I had been looking forward to a long weekend of nothing to do – especially since I dumped Jackass a couple months ago. Audrey closed the Business for Memorial Day, and I wasn’t scheduled to work anyway. Then my phone rang Sunday morning.

“Hey it’s Audrey. Can you cover for Trina today? Apparently she went to a BBQ yesterday and had some undercooked pork sausage…”

You know I love working on my weekends, but you know I do choir for the 12 o’clock mass…” is what I should have said if I were a good Catholic girl. Ahhhhh fuck me. “Sure Audrey,” was all I could manage. “I need the money anyways.” Well, that bit was true.

So I trudged my tired butt into work on Sunday and ended up having the best day ever. My first customer was a college kid passing through who claimed “I’ve always been curious about these places, but never had the nerve to try.” They all say that. But I thought his nervousness was cute, so I let him slide when he ended up being $20 short for a topless. Besides, I would have sworn that he was going to be the only customer I’d see all day.

Then around noon, one of Trina’s Regulars came in. This guy Simon is really nice and didn’t realize Trina had called out. Get this – he brought in one of those disposable, instant BBQ grills – the kind you get at the convenience store. Plus hamburgers, hotdogs and a 6 pack of beer!!!! He set up right outside the back door, and we had ended up having a real picnic right there in the parking lot behind the building!

He wasn’t interested in taking a session with me, but I didn’t care since he’s fun to hang out with. Simon stayed there and hung out for the afternoon. So when the next 3 customers came in, he would just grill up more food and have it ready by the time I came back out. It was the coolest thing – I normally don’t have this much fun even when Trina is here.

Well, after he left and I got ready to close up guess who called? It was the potential Sugar Daddy that I had met over a month ago! He wanted to know what my schedule was this week!!!! Wow. In one day I got some nice customers, a great BBQ lunch, made some good $$$, and found a possible new Sugar Daddy. This was one of the best days I’ve had at work in a long time. Let’s hope my luck holds out. Time to buy a lottery ticket.


Friday, May 23, 2008


I got an interesting comment from my last post about the perks a male boss would have in this business. I have to admit that I have worked for a guy who had to be serviced if I wanted to work for him. But let me explain first that I worked for this guy just long enough to make a few bucks before he got tired of hearing me make excuses for not putting out. Fuck him.

I had another male boss who didn’t touch the girls. All he cared about was the “Cha-Ching.” That’s probably the main difference between male and female bosses. Men want you to bring in as much money as you possibly can. Meanwhile, women bosses will try to steal as much money off you as they possibly can. Let me explain.

When a man owns a business, he wants each girl to make as much money as possible because guys usually skim off the top. This means you are always welcome to work extra hours and extra shifts. It also means turning tricks in the room. That’s why I’ve never had much success working for guys because a girl who only does hand releases isn’t going to bring in as much as one of his full-service Ho’s. This is one of the reasons why I’ve never seen a business owned by a man that wasn’t full service.

Now as far as the “perks” go, some bosses will ask for them and some won’t. If a Business is a cash cow, then some girls will put up with it because the money is good. But I will tell you right now that girls will always go towards the easiest money – so if they can earn the same across town WITHOUT having to fuck some asshole, they’ll switch businesses real quick.

What this all means to you (the consumer – LOL) is the sleazier the owner, the sleazier the business. This is because any girl with even a tiny bit of self esteem won’t work for them. I know it’s kinda odd to talk about “self esteem” in an industry built around the hand job, but even with all the perversion around – work is still work, and a job is still a job. If you hate your boss now, imagine if you also had to drop to your knees and suck his dick whenever he wanted! I may hate my boss Audrey, but at least all she does is steal my customers.

Women bosses are a whole other story. The good thing is a female boss will never ask you into her office for a blow job. The bad thing is that they’re all bitches who will rip you off in a heartbeat. Now a woman boss will usually treat you more fairly by not taking a percentage - but she’ll try to squeeze more out of the door money, and she will always screw you out of a customer every chance she gets.

The other thing about women bosses is that they’re women who are bosses. Imagine all the catiness that women usually have when they work together – now double it. I’ve never had a male boss say anything about my clothing or makeup. Now women I've worked for – whoa! They will constantly ride you about what you wear, what you eat, what you drink, who you date, what you watch, etc. etc. etc.

Ugh – now I’m all worked up. I can’t stand my boss and bitching about her didn’t help. Oh well. Hope this cleared a few things up for you guys. Have a good weekend.


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Life and Death of “Seductions Spa”

Well, the weekly rag for this weekend is out and it has our “Now Hiring” advertisement. We’ve already started getting phone calls about the job earlier this week. Luckily I have this weekend off so I don’t have to talk to any of those poor women desperate enough to work here. LOL

But that’s not what I wanted to tell you guys about. I also noticed that our most recent competitor – Seductions Spa – no longer has an ad on the back page.

Now let me explain how the advertising works for places like us. We advertise in the weekly rag, which is one of those free “entertainment” papers you find in gas stations and grocery stores. The last few pages are usually reserved for your “adult” entertainment such as strip clubs, adult bookstores, massage parlors – and in large cities – escort services. It’s back here that you’ll find ads for places like The Business. Whenever Audrey runs an ad, she always requests that it’s not in the very back – next to the strip clubs and dirty bookstores. You can usually find us somewhere between the Asian massage places and the ads for making money at home in your spare time. I mentioned in one of my first posts how to recognize the ads for massage parlors – well, we actually try to avoid looking too obvious. This is how we first noticed “Seductions Spa.”

It was about 2 months ago that we saw this ad for a new place. It stuck out like a hard prick since it featured bikini clad women and said something like “Seductions Spa – Cumming Soon!” Now why would you go and make yourself look like a whore house? I remember showing the ad to Audrey and we both had a good laugh. Do you really think cops don’t read these things?

So like we always do when we see a new business in town, we started doing our own form of “industrial espionage.” Ya gotta keep a leg up on the local competition – right? Well, the first thing we do with a new business, is to call up and see what they're paying. So I put on my most innocent voice and try their number. The conversation went something like this…

“Hello, Seductions.” It was a man’s voice. They must be brand spanking new because most first-time customers will hang up if a man answers the phone.

“Yeah hi. My name is Candy and I was wondering if you’re hiring?”

“Oh yeah?” He almost sounded surprised. “I’m Carl. I just opened the place and I’m looking for 8 girls. I got 2 already. Where you from Honey?”

I hate being called “Honey.” I made up a story about being from Philly.

“Oh that’s fine Honey. I’m paying my girls $100 a day plus you get to live in the house. Every customer you get will be $25 to the house. You can charge whatever you like in the room. Everything else is yours.”

Did he say HOUSE? He expects us to live there? This place has brothel written all over it. And he’s going to pay us $100 a day just to be there? This guy obviously has no idea what he’s doing.

I’m taking down notes while he’s talking. “Sounds great Carl! Let me get back to ya.” Carl gives me another phone number to call and an address if I want to see the place. I hung up then went over what I had written with Audrey. We had a good laugh.

I checked out his address and it turns out he’s 20 miles north of the freeway in the middle of nowhere!!! Maybe he’s thinking he won’t draw attention up in the woods, but he’s made 2 mistakes. First, those country cops have nothing better to do than check out "The New People" in places like that. Second, truckers won’t drive an hour out of their way for our type of services. Then there’s how he pays his girls. He obviously has never been in the business before because there is no way in hell he can afford 8 girls to sit on their ass'es at $100 each, unless he’s expecting 50 customers a day.

Now a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the ad for Seductions was still running, so I had one of my Regulars - Eric - call them up and see how they were doing. So after session, I handed my phone over and showed him the ad. Once again, the guy answered the phone and Eric asked about the girls.

“I’ll be honest with you… I ain’t got no one working here yet. I’m still trying to get the place together and it’s hard hiring anyone. I’m new at this.” Apparently our old buddy Carl wasn't doing too well. Eric pressed him for more info.

“Yeah I hear ya. I’m tired of the girls down here and was hoping to try something new. That’s why I called when I saw your ad.” Eric’s a great liar. He’s a traveling salesman from New York. You know those little metal pieces on the ends of garden hoses that you use to attach it to things? Well, he sells those. Eric is one of my favorite Regulars and also my personal psychiatrist. I call him a couple times a week and tell him all my problems while he gives me advice. In return I let him cum on various parts of my body during his Happy Ending. That’s his kink. I’ve jerked him off onto my breasts, ass, face, and even feet. The one thing I won’t let him have is my hair. A girls gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

So anyways – back to Carl. It turns out he used to date someone working in a massage parlor and thought he could run a place by himself with no experience. But now he was at the end of his wits (and money) and ready to give up (damn – Eric’s a good spy). That brings me back to today. The ad for Seductions is gone. This time I had Audrey call, and no one picked up. Oh well. Wherever you are Carl – good luck and adios!

One more thing Carl - leave the erotic massage to us ladies.


Monday, May 19, 2008

A Good Hand is Hard to Find

One of you guys asked why we don’t just post want ads up at the local strip clubs. Well, the short answer is no. The long answer is hell no.

But the REALLY long answer is this. Contrary to popular belief, erotic massage is more related to massage therapy than it is to stripping. To demonstrate this, I’m going to break down a typical 45 minute session into its 3 essential components.

Part 1 – Getting Naked
Part 2 – Massaging
Part 3 – Happy Ending

Part 1 is the only thing that the 2 worlds of erotic massage and stripping have in common. That part requires no skill and takes up only 1 minute of the session. A stripper may try to stretch this out to 5 minutes at the most, but any longer and the customer will complain about how he’s getting gypped out of a massage.

Part 3 requires almost no experience, and even then it can easily be satisfied with On-The-Job training. This part usually takes about 5 minutes, and even a stripper won’t try to stretch this out any further than necessary.

So that still leaves about 35 minutes for part 2 - the massage. Now anyone experienced in therapeutic massage can easily spend 35 minutes delivering a half-way decent workout to all major portions of the body including the neck, upper and lower back, legs, arms and upper chest. Meanwhile, someone with no experience can manage only 15 minutes of the typical “girlfriend” quality, neck/upper back massage before she runs out of material and energy. This is the main reason why we try not to hire strippers (or anyone with no experience for that matter).

At my last business I worked with a bunch of different strippers, and the customers always said the same thing about them – “Great to look at – lousy massage.” Another problem with strippers is that they’re not very reliable workers. Stripping tends to pay better than massaging, so we were usually the 2nd job. This meant they were always missing shifts if there were any conflicts.

So there you have it - this is why strippers make lousy erotic masseuses. If you still want to get a handjob from a stripper, I would suggest going to the Champagne room or whatever you call it at your local strip club.

If there are any current or ex-strippers reading this mess, please feel free to add your comments. No offense to any of you – this is just my experience.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Let the Pageant of Freaks Begin…

The parade started early this week. Audrey has interviewed 3 people so far. I insist on being there whenever she has someone come in since she’s such a retard when it comes to hiring. She has this habit of picking these basket cases with a sob story because she’s a sucker. She also knows that if they don’t work out, she’ll just stick them on our shifts. What a bitch.

This is why I take such an interest. Think I wanna spend 40 hours of my week with some coked up skank who’s trying to get her hands in my purse? No way.

So anyway, last Saturday Audrey brought in someone who called last week about a job. Our want ad hadn’t appeared by then, so I assume she’s just a random caller looking for work. We get like 1 or 2 calls a week. What I don’t like about them is that they’re usually just people passing through town, looking to make some quick cash. More than once I’ve had my purse emptied by some girl who’d been working for a week before she vanishes from the face of the planet.

Well the first interviewee was a real winner. A pretty girl with scraggly brown hair. She was really skinny, so in her yellow jogging suit she reminded me of a corn dog. She looked really beat, and when I took a close look at her I could tell she hadn’t even washed her face that morning. Audrey sat her down and started asking her questions. She kept slurring her words and nodding off as if she was in dire need of a cup of coffee. Everything about her screamed “junkie.”

The next girl came in Tuesday. She was a bit chunky, with really short hair – practically shaved. And one of those piercings in her eyebrows.

Let me take a break here and explain what we’re looking for. In general, massage parlors are not known for their cleanliness. At The Business, we try to look as professional as we can to make the place look legitimate, but most importantly to put our clients at ease. Customers want above all else a girl who looks clean. Anything that reminds a guy of drugs or disease – total turnoff. Things like: piercings, tattoos, bags under the eyes, scars, needle tracks, etc.

Back to Girl #2. She said she just came from a place in New York City and was moving to our neck of the woods with her boyfriend. We always check references, so we asked her the name of her previous Business. This is when she got weird. Said her last job just changed names – couldn’t remember the phone number – not sure of the address… blah blah blah.

Worked there for over a year and you can’t remember the phone number? Are you kidding me! What number did you call after you got wasted and missed 3 shifts?

Audrey was being wishy-washy about this girls lack of answers, so I just said told her we’d call 411 for the number. This is when the girl blurted “I changed my mind” and left. Adios bitch.

The last girl to come in was a fat crack-ho with a local address. As Audrey talked to her, I noticed that she kept tossing her hair and rubbing her legs. I knew something was up so I asked her what’s wrong. She said her legs hurt - another sign of a junkie. She’s either jonesing for prescription drugs or heroine. Your body hurts like that when you’re coming down off those things.

So those are this weeks winners. Ya see now why I hate interviewing? All you guys out there – feel free to forward your girlfriends/wives/sisters/moms resumes to me.


Monday, May 12, 2008

CJ is Single!

That’s right folks – I’m back on the market. I finally dumped the Jackass yesterday after a pretty horrible week of fighting. I don’t want to go into details here but let’s just say that it’s been a long time coming.

Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m lonely or depressed. In fact, I’ve totally been keeping my eyes open for a “rebound” for a couple months now. I’ve been hanging out a lot lately with an old boyfriend from high school. I think he was like the 2nd or 3rd guy I ever dated. Anyway, we never had sex – so he dumped me after a few months for not putting out. For some reason, this kinda stuck with me till this day, so I throw it in his face every chance I get.

To me, he looks like Brad Pitt (if Brad Pitt had thinning hair and always wore sneakers). So if I mention him on this thing, I’ll call him “Brad Pitt.” I’ve been in contact with him on and off since high school, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend 4 months ago we started hanging out more often. Then things really picked up over the last month when I started fighting with Jackass.

Now normally I wouldn’t be wasting all this time boring you guys with seedy details of my personal life. Remember - this blog thing is supposed to be dedicated to my “professional” stories. But the whole Brad Pitt (or BP) thing throws a monkey wrench into my separation of work and home. You see – BP knows what I do for a living.


I think it was after a night of 12 beers and jaeger shots that I might have said something about where I work. And him being a local and all – he said something like… “You mean that ‘Rub Club’ by the highway?” (GAWD – I hate the term Rub club!)

I vaguely remember trying to explain to him through carefully selected slurred words that it’s not what he thinks and I don’t care what he’s heard. I know for a fact that he’s never been to the Business (or not our Business anyway). So I think I was able to convince him that I do massages while in a bikini. It was the best I could come up with under the circumstances!

I’m pretty sure it worked. He actually came to the Business since then to take me out to lunch. And since our foyer looks like a regular spa (especially to men who don’t go to spas), he didn’t look twice or ask any questions. So there goes my cover story of being a shampooer.

Trina asked me what I’d do if he ever decided he wanted to surprise me as a customer. I said I didn’t want to think about it since I would probably be tempted to break every rule I have regarding customers! LOL Then she asked me what I’d do if he ever came in as one of HER customers. “Well I’d just have to castrate him” I said half-jokingly.

Is that hypocritical of me? Did I even spell that word right?

I hate the idea of going through the whole dating crap all over again. I wish there were some sort of female-equivalent to massage parlors where I could just walk in – get off with some hot guy – then walk out and not worry about diseases or whether his mom will like me. I swear – if we had those, there’d be no more need for marriage!

And don't worry guys - I'll try to stay away from my personal drama and come up with some interesting work stories for next time.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

It isn't fair!

How come when they say it, it's called "advertising." But if we say it, it's called "solicitation?"


Monday, May 5, 2008

Now Hiring

I hate interviewing.

Luna’s been gone almost 2 weeks now and we still haven’t found anyone to replace her. The awful thing about hiring for a job that’s just below the law is that you can’t put up an ad that says:

HELP WANTED: Female masseuse. Clothing optional environment. Available nights and weekends. Must be people-person. Strong right arm a plus.

We prefer to rely on word of mouth nowadays. It’s just so much less complicated than interviewing dozens of strangers. In this business you get a lot of turnover anyways, so It’s not like we panic when someone leaves suddenly. What we usually do is make calls to all our “go-to” girls. These are girls that we’ve all worked with before and feel comfortable with. Chances are, there’s someone we know out there that just recently left another business or is willing to pick up a couple extra shifts here.

Notice how I didn’t say “friends?” That’s because we’d much rather work with someone reliable who annoys us, than a friend who has no clue what she’s doing and could possibly ruin things for everyone. For example… I once made the mistake of recommending a friend who was jealous of the good money I was making - and a complete moron. Turns out, as soon as she got in the room she completely forgot our rehearsed script for offering “options” (topless, nude, etc.). Instead, she was just bluntly telling customers she’d jerk them off for $$$ !!! Thank God she never had a cop!!!!!!

Some of you may be wondering why we're in such a hurry to bring in a new girl, especially since business has been slow and some of Luna's old clients are up for grabs. Well, it's pretty much the same reason why no one else likes being short a person. It's bad enough doing this shit for 5 days a week - imagine having to do it for 7... AND those 2 extra days are with your boss who you can't stand!!! THAT is why I welcome anyone nuts enough to work here.

Anyway, Trina, Audrey and I have been calling around for over a week now without much luck, so we finally put an ad in the local weekly rag. It’s subtle. It’s just our regular ad for a “relaxing massage” with an extra “Now Hiring” added at the end. Anyone remotely familiar with the massage industry will know what we’re expecting.

Now the problem isn’t in lack of applicants - The problem is the total avalanche of applicants. And I’m not talking about a room full of clean cut college graduates in dapper little business suits carrying leather brief cases. I’m taking about a total freak show straight out of the Trailer Park from Hell. We can expect to see: burnouts, punk rockers, trailer trash, goth chicks, drunks, hippie chicks, ex-hookers, current hookers, runaways, homeless chicks, Narcs, ex-strippers…and druggies.

Lots of druggies.

Any job that pays in cash always attracts the druggies. Now don’t get me wrong – I’ll be the first person to admit that I’ve inhaled a couple of times in my life. But I’m talking about the hardcore snorters and shooters. I’ve worked with more than a few in this business, and I can’t stand them. They smell, they steal, and they lie. I know drug addiction is a terrible thing. You don’t have to remind me since I’ve seen it personally – but that doesn’t mean I have to like working with them.

Massage businesses never drug test since that would be like looking for a Chin in Chinatown. So believe it or not, we rely a lot on references. Any girl comes in claiming she worked at another business – we call and verify. Even though we're competitors, Other Businesses have a vested interest in flushing out the thiefs and Narcs.

So let the Parade of Freaks begin! And if any of you guys know any girls who are attractive, honest, intelligent, interesting and clean who are willing to jerk guys off for cash - drop me a line. Tell them it's a good way to meet people and the hours are good.


Thursday, May 1, 2008

Freak of the Week - Tony and Tina

This has been another freaky week for me. Between Luna getting canned and men problems, I don’t know what to make of it. Luckily today was freaky in a good way. So let’s get to the latest installment of… Freak of the Week!

I got a visit from one of my all time favorite customers. This is a guy who’s been coming here for years. And let me start off by saying he’s one of the sweetest, nicest clients I’ve ever had. He used to come in every couple of months, but I haven’t seen him in a while.

Anyway, “Tony” as I call him, always comes in looking the same – a short, clean-cut middle aged guy in standard business shirt, tie and slacks. I guess you’d say he looks like an insurance salesman, which is funny because he is an insurance salesman! LOL

I practically jumped out of my seat when I saw him today. I gave him a big hug and we exchanged some quick gossip before I led him into my session room. His routine is pretty much ritual after all these years, so I don’t even need to ask him what he wants. I tell him to get comfortable, then I leave the room. As I’m leaving, I check my watch and note that I don’t need to return for 20 minutes. So I take my time booking him in and just sort of dawdle around till it’s OK for me to return.

Exactly 20 minutes later, I knock on the door and he tells me to enter. I walk in and Tony is gone. Standing before me is “Tina.” Tina is a flawlessly made up woman – complete with makeup, black high heels, thigh-high stockings, garter, short red skirt, conservative white blouse, black bra and panties, and a long expensive wig of dark brown hair.

“Hi Tina!” I said. “I’ve missed you!”

Tina smiles back, “I missed you too! It’s been so long.”

“The usual?” I ask.

“Oh, of course,” she answers. Tina’s voice is slightly higher in pitch than Tony’s. Now let me explain here that Tony is not gay. And I think his wife would agree! He’s definitely only attracted to women, but his thing is that he really gets off when he’s dressed like a woman. I think they call that a transvestite – correct me if I’m wrong. Anyway, he says that he feels “soft” when he’s all dolled up and that he feels like he can better relate to women that way.

Tina’s sessions are unique (to say the least). He always gets the mutual massage, so I tell him to lie down on his back and relax (I’m just going to call Tina “him” from now on since it gets confusing switching back and forth). I take my Gap T-shirt off, then my jeans, but I leave my Victoria’s Secret G-string and bra on. With him on his back, I start running my hands up and down his arms.

“You look so pretty today Tina. I love your new blouse.”

“Thanks CJ. I got it on sale at Macys.”

One of the things I have to do is tell Tina all during the session how pretty he is. That really turns him on. Now I have to tell him that he’s “pretty” and not “hot.” He prefers to keep the talk very sweet and sincere. I guess you could say Tina is a lady and not a tramp. LOL

I always start off each session by slowly taking his blouse off while I’m laying on the flattery. When I’ve unbuttoned it completely, he sits up and helps me remove it. Then I start to gently massage his “tits” through the black bra (it’s always black). The bra isn’t padded or anything, so he actually gets a decent massage of his pectorals. I should note too, that he doesn’t touch me during this. He just lies there and softly moans every now and then.

Next the high heels, stockings and skirt come off and he flips over onto his stomach. I work his back and legs in more or less a therapeutic kind of way, but I’m still complimenting him on his looks the entire time. When I finish the legs, I tell him it’s my turn and we switch places.

I take off my bra, but leave the G-string on. He likes to start off with a quick, but thorough massage of my back and legs, but I know he can’t wait for me to flip over. His massages are always very gentle and sensual – especially when it comes to my breasts. He’ll sometimes spend a good portion of his session just on them!

So I roll over on to my back, and he climbs up on the table and straddles my hips while he’s still in panties and bra. He puts some warm oil on his hands and starts to slowly massage my tits, running his hands in large, gentle circles around each of them. I have to confess that I love this part. This is one of the few decent perks of my job – the occasional, fabulous, relaxing breast massage. Most guys just want to squeeze them and pinch the nipples (Gawd I hate that). Anyway, for what felt like an eternity (yet still too short in my opinion), he caressed me very gently – first one way; then the other. I'm loving it – I just have to lie there and throw in the occasional “… you’re soooo pretty…” every now and then.

I’m not even looking at the clock at this point. I don’t have to – he ends my massage by cupping each one of my breasts with his warm oily hands and says with a smile “I think we’re almost done.” This is my cue that it’s time for his happy ending. We always finish with a breast release, and it’s done in a very specific way. I stay on my back and he moves up and straddles my stomach. With the panties still on, he pulls out his already hard cock through the sides of the panties (it’s usually hard and poking out during the breast massage anyway). He adds more hot oil to his hands and lubes himself up, then he places his dick right between my already oily tits.

Let me explain now that in all the years he’s been coming to me, I have never touched his cock. Not once. It’s part of his kink I guess. Tony once told me that he has a group of friends that share his fetish. Every once in a while, they’ll all get together at one of their houses and hire a stripper. They’ll dress up in their finest women’s clothing and sit around in a circle with the stripper in the middle. Then they’ll watch her dance while jerking themselves off.

So Tony’s cock is now resting between my oiled up breasts. I make it a point to keep my hands dry for a breast release since it provides me with more control over The Girls. I can now hold them up and push them slightly together to gently wrap his cock. Tony starts to slowly pump in and out of my oily cleavage. With my hands dry, I can control the tightness that I’m wrapped around him. His cock is big enough to stay in there and not slip out. When my hands get all oily, the best I can manage is to just push The Girls together, let the guy do all the work, and hope for the best.

How pretty am I?” Tony manages between moans. His eyes are closed and I can tell he’s getting close.

“You’re the prettiest girl Tina… I love how pretty you are…”

He always gives out this little grunt before he cums, so I have enough time to sit up slightly and release his cock from the warm folds of my cleavage. He grabs his cock with one hand and jerks himself off onto my left breast. I let him catch his breath and enjoy the view of his little mess before I ask if I can clean myself up (guys just love to marvel over anything they cum on, so I try to indulge them). He gives me a throaty “Thank you!” before un-straddling me. I wipe myself up with the table sheet, then hop down.

Since I don’t have to clean him up too, I just wipe up with a soapy towel. He won’t change his clothes in front of me, so I quickly throw mine back on and tell him to take his time. Then I make my way outside and leave him alone in the room. About 15 minutes (and 1 cigarette) later, “Tony” walks out of the room – a short, well dressed insurance salesman with a gray shirt and red tie. “Tina” is now carefully packed away inside a small leather brief case. I give him another hug and tell him not to be a stranger. He says “Thanks again!” and leaves. It’s a shame Tina can’t come out and play more often. Oh well.