Monday, September 28, 2009

ANOTHER Reason To Boycott Asian Massage Parlors

As most of you know, I'm totally against the Asian massage parlors (AMP) because they're basically just fronts for the mob. These are not happy little women practicing an "ancient chinese secret" for massage, and this is NOT a normal way of life for them.

Below is an article from the local newspaper about the recent police raids on 2 of the AMPs in my neck of the woods. I don't normally post other peoples stuff, but this thing just made my blood run cold and I wanted all you guys out there to read it.


Sex slavery in Berks County massage parlors
South Korean women are brought into the country and forced into prostitution at massage parlors here, according to investigators trying to crack down on the practice.

There is slavery in Berks County.

They're sex slaves, working in massage parlors that are fronts for prostitution.

And the sex slave trade has prompted investigations leading to a series of raids on area Asian massage parlors in the past few months, according to the lawmen involved.

One federal investigator, an expert in Asian crime organizations, said several such gangs have been operating about a dozen Asian massage parlors as fronts for prostitution in Berks.

The investigator, who requested anonymity, said the local sex slave operations were controlled by South Korean organized crime rings operating out of the Flushing section of Queens, N.Y.

"This is modern-day slavery," the investigator said. "If people knew what goes on in these places and what is behind them, they would be outraged."

According to federal investigators:

Many of the women who work in these massage parlors were tricked and coerced into working as prostitutes.

They typically come from an impoverished region of South Korea and most have only a basic education and few economic prospects.

Criminals lure them with promises of legitimate jobs in the United States and quick cash.

The rings charge the women or their families about $25,000 to smuggle them into the United States from Korea. Often smugglers themselves will loan them the fee at outrageous interest rates.

The slavers typically fly the women through rogue nations such as Libya and often bring them across the Mexican border using passports purchased or stolen from South Koreans who are in the U.S. on legitimate tourist visas.

Tourists who sell their passports to slavers report the documents stolen a few days later and get new ones to return home.

Once in the U.S., the sex slaves are shuttled to Flushing, home to the nation's largest South Korean community.

The women are sent to work in massage parlors in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and other nearby states.

When the women arrive in Berks County, they are told they owe the driver $500 for the trip from New York.

Older South Korean women who run the parlors typically offer to pay for the ride, making the women indebted to them.

The older manager, or madam, then explains how the business works. The madam arranges for room and board and deducts those costs from any tips the slaves make from having sex with customers.

The ring maintains its hold over these women by keeping them in debt.

Slavers take the women's passports and identification. The women are told that if they are discovered, they will be thrown in jail and deported and will still owe the ring the $25,000 loan for bringing them to the U.S. in the first place.

The women have sex with a dozen or more men a day, and at the end of the week - after paying for their room and board and interest on the smugglers loan - end up with nothing or only a small amount, perhaps $80.

The rings move the women around frequently. This keeps them from forming bonds with other sex slaves and makes them easier to control.

The women often have a small child or other family back in South Korea, whom the criminals can use to threaten an uncooperative sex slave.

The slavers also use sleep deprivation to make the women easier to control.

Berks County District Attorney John T. Adams said his office is committed to investigating any complaints of suspected prostitution, adding that it is difficult to investigate because workers typically won't cooperate.

"When we receive complaints about those types of establishments, we investigate," Adams said. "I can't comment on which of these places are legitimate and which are not."

Adams said his office will continue to work with federal investigators looking into possible ties to organized crime.

"We are concerned that this is part of a larger ring," he said. "However, we have not received cooperation from the workers, and it is difficult to determine what is going on.

"We suspect that there is much more behind these businesses and we will continue to work with federal authorities in these matters."

The problem with human trafficking and sexual exploitation goes beyond South Korea, according to federal investigators.

Chinese gangs typically operate their rings in big cities with large Chinese populations. Chinese workers in restaurants, garment shops and elsewhere are their customers.
Mexican gangs operate prostitution rings in communities with large populations of migrant workers.

And the list goes on.

Kevin Bales, an expert in slave trafficking and president of the Washington-based nonprofit group Free The Slaves, said human trafficking from South Korea to the U.S. really picked up in the past 10 to 15 years.

Officials from the South Korean Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.

Investigators said people from all walks of life are customers of the Asian massage parlors.

"I've talked to people who patronize these businesses and I have asked them why they go there," a federal agent recalled. "One guy said something that really struck me.

"He said he sees the women in the massage parlor as less than human because they do not look like his wife, or his sister, or his mother.

"But they are mothers, sisters and children. And they don't have the option to leave."

Reading Criminal Investigator Pasquale Leporace of the vice and narcotics division said he has worked on four massage parlor cases, and he believes law enforcement has done a good job keeping the places from operating in Reading.

"I don't know of any that are currently open in the city," Leporace said. "If they do pop up again, we will act on it quickly."

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Half Naked Thursday?

OK, I have a problem. First off, I don't get where this "Half Naked Thursday" thing came from. Second, I'm having an issue with the pictures I wanted to post.

The pic I wanted to use was of the 3 Amigos - Trina, Cindy and me. However, when I told Trina, she freaked out and said she doesn't want ANYTHING with her in it being shared. Well I tried to cut her out of the picture, but it just wasn't working.

So instead I dug up an old pic of me taken 2 boyfriends ago using something called "film." It looks like crap, but hey - that's the look I was going for.

As for Trina, I'm gonna talk to her because I LOVE that pic of us. I can't guarantee anything, but maybe if I put a big smiley face over hers, she'll give me the OK.

In the meanwhile, the comments on how we deal with cheapskates here at The Business got me going again, so I threw in my 2 cents - AGAIN. Enjoy!


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Cheapskate Option

Last week someone made a comment about how he always offers less than the regular cost for options. This set me off. I mean, I know that times are tough for everyone but would you start bartering at McDonalds? I didn't think so.

I think it would be helpful if I responded to this calmly. Yes, we do get guys in here who try to barter. In fact, over the past year it's gotten really bad. It's partly the shitty economy and partly because Audrey has kept cutting her prices without telling us.

This is how it works at The Business:

We keep our prices fixed. All the girls (including the boss) are supposed to charge the EXACT same amount for options. Now if you took notes last week, you'll remember that options are topless, G-string and nude (extras are our own business and we can charge whatever we want for them). We do this for your protection and ours.

It protects you (the consumer) because a girl can't rip you off by making up her own prices. And it protects us because it keeps our tips fair and prevents girls from stealing customers from each other. As long as everyone sticks to the posted prices, it actually increases repeat business.

Some may argue that what a girl charges in the room shouldn't be anyone's business. BUT, when a girl secretly cuts her prices, what happens is that her customers eventually start expecting the other girls to cut theirs. I can't tell you how many times over the past year I've gotten some cheap ass guys in here with a fucking $20 bill asking me for a hand job because "Audrey did it."

So back to the original issue, yes - we get guys in here trying to barter, but we tell them no. I mean, if a Regular comes in and he's a couple bucks short of what he usually gets, I'll let it go. But for the most part, we don't barter on options.

However... Over the past year things got so bad that I eventually created a new option for cheapskates. So whenever some cheap ass bastard came in and gave me a song and dance about how "I've only got $40" AFTER he's on the table, I would offer him a 1 time only deal:

Choose between a handjob or a topless massage - you can't have both.

I've discovered that this ultimatum worked in my favor. For anything less than $80, they either got FIVE MINUTES of my attention for a happy ending. or they got 15 minutes of massage with a view of the girls. That was my "Cheapskate Special." Remember that in the delicate art of negotiation, always offer 2 solutions - both in your favor. So if a guy tried to offer $60, he would either get a 5 minute handjob from a very disinterested masseuse, or 15 minutes of a half-hearted massage from a topless massuese (and that 15 minutes is spent on their stomachs so they can't see much!).

And let me tell ya, I think I've had maybe 2 guys walk out, but the rest stuck around. You would be surprised how many guys suddenly "found" a few extra bucks in their pocket. And the ones that came back ALWAYS paid full price after that.

OK, enough ranting for today. I was gonna post a new pic, but I got in a pissy mood about this sore subject. That's what you get for distracting me. So maybe Thursday!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Options and Extras

When I was answering all your questions, I noticed that there seems to be some confusion between "Options" and "Extras." I thought it would be helpful for me to talk about that because I also want to comment on the recent massage parlor experiences some of you guys have shared with me.

When I talk about "Options" I'm referring to the clothing options that I offer during session. Basically, when you come to The Business, you are offered 3 different clothing options for your erotic massage: 1) Topless, 2) G-string, and 3) nude. All of them come with happy ending, and you don't have to even ask.

The 4th option is the "Mutual" massage, where the customer gets to massage me. But I don't include it with my options nowadays because I only offer that to Regulars that I like. It's just not worth chancing it on a guy who's only going to dig his knuckles in my back for a minute, then spend the rest of his time pinching my breasts... Ugh.

This is how the options thing works... When you arrive at The Business, the only thing you discuss at the front desk is the amount of time you want in the room. This is when you pay the "House Fee." Once you're inside my room, I will then offer you the options. There is no code or secret handshake here - I break the ice by telling you up front that I will take my top off for a tip of such-and-such amount. The happy ending is implied at this point, so if any of you guys out there reach this stage, relax - you found an erotic massage parlor!

Remember - the hand release comes free with the option. If you decline an option, and just tell me to leave my clothes on and give you a massage - then you're getting a therapeutic only with no happy ending. At The Business, I make my money by what I wear (or not wear). So if your masseuse has not offered any options by your 4th session, she's not going to.

Now this brings me to your recent stories. What some of you boys have been telling me is that you've been getting a hand release at the end of a massage with NO clothing options offered. I have to tell you that THIS IS NOT an erotic massage parlor. What you've discovered is a massage provider who's giving you a happy ending "on the side." If no clothes are coming off, then it is definitely a hush-hush situation. Just consider yourself lucky and please don't ask her coworkers for the same treatment!

So now you're wondering why she's giving you a free handjob. Well for starters I HOPE you've been tipping her well for superior service. Second, you're probably going to see her again real real soon. And third, why on Earth would you want to switch masseuses when you've hit the jackpot?

It's just a little thing we call marketing. We used to joke about it in massage school. The gag was something like "with a technique like that, she better give a good hand job..."

This brings us to "Extras." These are basically anything above and beyond a hand release. So other releases like breast or thigh are extra. Also, any other kink like lingerie, dirty talking, doubles, etc. are extra. And if you're lucky enough to find a full service girl, then maybe you could try a nice blowjob.

As for me, I don't always offer extras, especially if you're a newbie or I'm just not comfortable around you. In fact, I usually don't bring them up - I don't have to. I mean, if a customer is obviously into feet then I may offer my laundry list of foot-related kinks. Typically a customer may ask what else is available after they've had a few regular sessions.

Now back to you guys who've found a free-lancer. You might be able to squeeze an "extra" outta her if you ask nicely. Ya see, here's the situation... She's providing you a little bonus that the boss doesn't know about. So she might be up for other things in the room that no one else could catch her at like dirty talking, doubles, etc.

But ya know what? I've lived such an insulated life here in my neck of the woods, that I may be totally off on how other parlors work. Who knows - maybe there are some parlors out there that include a hand release without any clothing options. If any girls out there work at a place with different or no options, please let me know!


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Q&A - Round 2

OK guys, I promised you I'd answer ALL of your questions, so here goes. Q&A round 2:

Q: Well, I've been wanting to ask the following for a week, so here goes. In your post of 8/27/2009, you wrote, "Personally, I don't consider anything I do as actual sex, so I don't have any ethical dilemmas with it."

However, on a few occasions (for example 2/3/2009), you also claimed, "...(believe it or not) I would never want to date a guy who went to massage parlors. Heck, I even have problems with guys I'm dating going to strip clubs!"

My question: if you don't consider what you do to be sex, one can only assume the guys you're doing it with also aren't having sex. So in that case, they can't be cheating on anyone, so what's the problem with dating them?

A: You have assumed wrong. Just because what I do isn't sex, doesn't mean that the customers aren't having it. Think of what I do as a form of masterbation with a little assistance. The customers get off - I don't. And I wouldn't want a guy I was dating to be getting off with anyone other than me. And that includes strippers and other erotic masseuses.

Q: Are you still having fun with the blog or does it seem like a chore some days? I was gung-ho about my own blog for a few months and then it wore off and felt more like another obligation.

A: I love the blog and especially you guys. Sometimes after a particularly busy day I don't feel like saying much, but for the most part this thing serves as a sort of therapy.

Q: Do you want readers to email their pics to you at your yahoo address? are you curious about any of us like we're curious about you?

A: No, not really, but I'm a little curious about some of the guys who write me on a regular basis. LOL I want to be anonymous and you should too.

Q: How much do you charge for the different options?

A: The "Standard" prices for options are $80 topless, $120 G-string, and $150 nude. Mutuals (when I feel like offering them) are $200. But with the wacky economy, we've all been taking liberties with what we charge.

Q: How does "the business" make money? you said audrey doesn't take from your tips, then how does she pay for the business space, etc.?

A: Door fee. It's basically the same cost as a therapeutic massage. From that she pays for the rent, utilities, and our hourly salaries.

Q: Do they have happy ending parlors for women? lol

A: Oh they exist, but I've only heard stories of this from high end day spas where wealthy housewives go. The stories I've heard...

Q: What do you plan to do when you get older?

A: Own a tanning salon.

Q: Do you feel pressured to stay skinny/attractive due to your job?

A: I guess. I've seen some nasty looking girls in my time who still made decent money. But we're not like strippers where the appeal is purely visual. We're hands on (pun intended) so we tend to be more average looking. Also, we can't slut ourselves up for work either, because that would just draw attention. We have to dress and look conservative when at work.

Q: Do you plan to get married and have kids? if so, will your family ever be notified of your career? or would you switch careers?

A: LOL. By then I hope to be a very successful tanning salon operator.

Q: What are the most disgusting/ridiculous/inappropriate things you have ever dealt with from a parlor dude - or owner or co-maseusse for that matter - (and/or one of us jerks from the internet) and how did you handle it??

A: There are like 50 things that come to mind. But I'll save those for a post all by themselves. Short answer: Getting assaulted and almost raped was the worst experience. Getting told to blow the boss to keep my job is next. And finally, I just ignore jerks who say nasty things in the comments. I usually keep their stuff up there just so others can get a kick out of it.

Q: What time am I picking you up on friday?

A: I get off work at 5.

Q: Since you are into happy endings.. What is the size of the longest mr. happy your eyes has laid upon? Can you tell us your vital statistics...

A: 12 inches. As for me, I'm a size 2 with DD cups. And I put it that way because I know those are the only statistics you're interested in hearing. LOL

Q: Understanding you do your best to keep your sessions all business for you - that said - tell us about a time when you got home from work and masturbated thinking about a session earlier in the day.

A: Never. I've had hot customers before, but I've never had the urge to fantasize about it later.

Q: You've mentioned previously how you like to watch a man "shoot" - so tell us about a few memorable experiences where you couldn't believe how much the man "shot" during the release.

A: Guy shot so far - it went straight into his own mouth.

Q: Can you give me a Top 5 list of the best overall bodies you've massaged. I would think the categories should include height/weight/chest/arms/legs/buns/penis/skin tone. Feel free to add other criteria - thanks!

A: Ugh... too much effort. But I can tell you that the best bodies I've ever had the pleasure to work with were professional hockey players. Compared to other professional athletes, THOSE guys are in shape.

Q: During one of your earlier blogs you talked about what you've given for items received - playstation, fixed speeding tix, etc. I was fascinated with this one below - can you give me as much detail as you recall about it?

"He once came in to see her and ended up giving me a foot rub while waiting for her. I absolutely LOVE getting my feet rubbed – probably more than sex. No kidding. He did such a good job, I took him in the bathroom and took care of him right there."

A: I took him straight into the bathroom and gave him a hand release into the sink while I let him squeeze my breasts through my shirt. Very quick and sanitary I must admit.

Q: Have you ever had a couple come in? or multiple people? Or does this happen ever?

A: Rarely. But I once had a couple where the girl just wanted to watch. She sat in a chair while I gave her boyfriend a typical session with Happy Ending. It was her B-day gift to him. She got turned on by watching, but I think she secretly wanted to make sure he only got a hand release and nothing more.

As for multiple people, we occasionally get college kids in groups of 2 or 3 who are too scared to come in by themselves. It's probably some kind of fraternity or dare thing. We usually tell them we're not "that kind of place" then send them home - angry and frustrated.

Q: You know how Letterman has his Top 10 list..well how about CJ's Top 10 or Top 5 list of the best dicks you've given a helping hand...forget about the person attached...just the most memorable dicks and why?

# 5) Professional baseball player with a tiny dick. Laughed about it with the co-workers for weeks (kids - don't use steroids)
# 4) Guy with the super-wide dick (see above). Looked like a mutant worm.
# 3) 12 inch dick. Also see above. Scared the shit ouf of me.
# 2) Dick that made a 90 degree turn left. Freaky.
And the #1 answer...) 12 inch dick again (see above). But this time it was attached to a 70 year old man!!!!

Q: Let's say the shoe is on the other foot...and you walked into a spa for women, knowing you would be getting a happy ending at the finish, from a male masseuse. Based your experience in the industry, knowing quality, professionalism, etc...what would you expect from him, what would you want him to look like, what would you want him to do during the massage, what would you want for your happy ending and how much would you expect to pay?

A: Personally, I wouldn't use any service like that, but I get your point. I guess I'd want him to be good looking AND be a LMT so he knows what's he's doing. And for me, my happy ending would be a fabulous foot rub.

Q: What are your standard prices?

A: See above. But beyond the "options" are the "extras." Those are only offered to Regulars and include things like breast release, butt release, foot worship, etc. I usually charge $50 -$100 for the extras.

Q: How do you deal with customers who are assholes and just don't get it?

A: If they don't get it after a warning, I just throw their ass out and tell the other girls to blacklist him. No money is worth the hassle.

Q: What do you do if you see a client outside of work? As a former sex worker (I did internet porn and was also a domme), I had a very fun encounter running into a well known politician (at the local level) at an event. He was with his wife.

A: Not sure if you mean "meet" outside of work or "bump into" so I'll answer both.

I've only met Sugar Daddies outside of work. And they all knew I'm not full service, so the sessions were similar to what happens in The Business. It's more like a "date" so nothing was ever hurried, they often included dinner and drinks, and there was lots of casual time afterwards. It's funny - SD's have never asked for anything freaky like foot worship, or costumes or anything (other than lingerie).

As for bumping into a client... This is a small town, so it happens every now and then. Personally, it doesn't bother me one bit. But I have learned that the best thing to do is follow the customers lead. If he totally ignores me (i.e. with the wife), then I do the same. But if he says 'hi" then I'll respond. Can't tell you how many times I've gotten the "OH SHIT" look from some guy in a grocery store as he's pushing the cart for his wife.

Q: As a girl that basically tugs guys to survive (eat & pay rent), why are you so adamant that you don't date guys that visit parlors and do you think that it may be hipocritical (looking from the outside in) on your part? Also, would you be hurt if your boyfriend/husband visited a parlor (since you don't consider it a sexual act)?

A: I don't think it's hipocritical. The customers are getting off - I'm not. That's why I won't date a customer, or let anyone I date to visit a parlor.

Q: Are you ever ashamed that you constantly ask for free stuff, like a new car, money for Atlantic City, new computer, etc... Do you notice that you do that, or is it just a by-product of your job (to expect much for doing so little)?

A: I do that as a joke. Now if someone were to actually give me a car or a computer - that would be a whole different matter! At work I'm very careful about who I make such jokes to because more often than not, customers think you owe them if they give you something. Sorry guy, but I didn't ask for that Daughtry CD, so don't think I owe you a double.

And as for expecting so much for doing so little... Hey - handjobs are at market price. If you think I do "so little," I'd like to see you perform a full body massage for 60 minutes to a 250 pound trucker with lower back issues, THEN still have enough strength left in your arms to stroke his dick for 5 minutes.

Q: Would you ever consider having an open relationship or swinging. If not, why? If you have, what would it take to entice you to begin and would you feel comfortable with it long term?

A: Never occurred to me. Believe it or not, I'm the jealous type so the open relationship thing is out. Also, I'm very particular about who I date, so hooking up with a bunch of strangers at a swingers party doesn't appeal to me either.

Q: In previous posts, you've talked about pretending to masturbate for guys, doing a guy with a dildo, finishing them with your feet, and allowing them to finish on "The Girls". How is that different from blowing them with a condom on or having sex with a condom and how do you separate the two psychologically?

A: It's actually quite simple - I won't do anything that involves insertion. So no blowjobs, no fingers and no dildos. If a guy wants to cum on my feet - that's just a mess that can be wiped up and has no other meaning.

Another thing to keep in mind is even though I do have "extras," I don't offer them to everyone. So if a guys wants something above and beyond the hand release, he has to be a Regular and I have to be really comfortable with him.

Q: Have any females ever come in to the Business in search of an erotic massage? Or what about a couples massage? Or a couple where the female wants to watch the male get a happy ending? Have you encountered any of these situations and if not, would you be willing to do any of these if the situation occurred?

A: I answered a similar question last time. Yes, we do have female customers. But no, they are therapeutic massage only and have no idea about the other side of The Business. Once I had a couple where the girl wanted to watch her boyfriend get a happy ending. Other than that, the session was normal.

Q: CJ, Do most guys shoot when they cum? Or are most of them dribblers?

A: Most are shooters, but not very far. Sort of a combinaton I guess.

Q: How many guys have you slept with in your life?

A: Yikes. Wow. Including 1 night stands? Jeez. Let's just say that I've had about 6 serious boyfriends so far.

Q: What was it like the first bunch of times you got cum in your hair and on your face? Did you find it gross or was it no big deal? Have you ever titty fucked in your private life?

A: It's totally gross and I hate it. First, it's just nasty because it smells and it's hard to clean up. And second, you pretty much have to jump in the shower to get it out - then your hair is fucked up for the rest of the shift. It's just a pain.

The face isn't so bad as long as it doesn't get in the eyes. In that case - that shit burns! Then you're stuck with red-eye for the rest of the day and all the other girls will look at you and say "Allergies huh?... yeah right..."

I was titty fucking before I started in The Business. That's when I learned to start calling it a "Breast Release."

Q: Is your boss hot?

A: Audrey is hot for an aging rocker chick who got stuck in an 80's time warp. I swear - her hair style hasn't changed in 25 years. But a lot of guys seem to dig her.

Q: Do your customers have to sign a waiver?

A: No. It's hard enough trying to get them to use a real first name.

Q: What is the largest and longest cumshot you have seen?

A: Longest one hit the wall behind the guys head. Made him clean it up too. I don't know about the largest, but I have seen guys that must have been saving it for a month because their orgasm seems to last a full minute and that shit just keeps pumping out. And it doesn't freak me out either - I get a kick out of it like satisfaction of a job well done.

Q: Another blogger and I were talking about yours and commented how awesome it would be to have a female version of it. Amazing what beer does to your thought process. I'm sure that wouldn't be very realistic, would it?

A: There was a guy in my massage school who used to tell stories like this. Let me make a phone call and get back to you on this one!

Q: So do most masseuses get paid a salary or commission? They don't work just off their tips do they? Thanks

A: Depends on the place. I would say most probably pay their girls off the books, or they work for tips alone.

All right - I did it!!! I answered all your questions, now I can take a nice long nap.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Freak of the Week - The Millionaire

I know I'm supposed to be answering questions, but I just had to tell you this story from Labor Day weekend.

I've had this one Regular for maybe about a year or so. He comes in every 2 or 3 months. Normally we just chit chat during session, but last weekend I asked him what his story was. He explained to me that he's now comfortably retired at the ripe old age of 43.

Now we get a lot of guys in here claiming to be rich. Sometimes you can tell and sometimes you can't. I mean, anyone can drive up here in a Hummer - but that doesn't prove that you're rich, it only proves you have poor taste in cars. My personal technique is to see what the guys wearing - in particular his shoes and watch.

Anyway, "Frank" is a millionaire. His story is when he was 20, his parents won the lottery. Now instead of just giving a chunk of change to their sons Frank and Ernest, they turned it into a challenge. The parents put away a million bucks each into 2 trust funds for the sons. But here's the catch - the money would be turned over in 20 years ONLY if they had 1 million bucks CASH in the bank.

So at the tender young age of 20, Frank became a financial planning expert. He worked hard, socked away as much as he could in savings and investments, and basically led a rather disciplined life until he could cash in at the age of 40. He said it wasn't that bad when you think about it - he just had to add $50k to his assets every year.

So when the trust fund became available 3 years ago, he just cashed in all his stocks, bonds, real estate, etc (and with the booming economy back then he had more than enough to qualify for the money). It didn't hurt either that the million had been collecting interest for 20 years. And as part of the plan, Frank quit his job and retired at the age of 40.

Frank is not my Freak of the Week. Now I bet you weren't planning on me saying that in this story, did you? LOL

Ernest also got his money.

Franks brother was 18 when the game began, and just like Frank, Ernest worked hard and socked away every penny into savings. But unlike Frank, he relied more on savings than investing, so virtually every penny he earned went into the bank.

And apparently that was the problem.

Ernest became slowly obsessed with earning money and socking it away. His social life vanished because he was too cheap to go anywhere. He moved out of his apartment for a boarding house because it was cheaper. And he started taking advantage of everyone if it could save him a buck.

Then about 5 years before the deadline, something in him just snapped. It became almost impossible for Ernest to spend any money. He started living in his car. He would rummage through garbage cans for food. For all intents and purposes, he started living like a homeless guy, which is odd because he still had a good job as an equipment operator at the local plant.

Frank said his brother was pretty much normal in every other way, except he lived this homeless lifestyle. So when he became eligible for the trust fund at the age of 38, he took the money. BUT NOTHING CHANGED. Even today - you might see this guy downtown going through a dumpster for food - AND HE'S A MILLIONAIRE. Go figure.

I was like totally shocked when I heard this story. In my opinion, this would be the definition of Hell. A million bucks in the bank, but mentally incapable of spending it. I joked with Frank that he should send him here and maybe we could get him to lighten up a bit. He said we would regret it because Ernest stopped showering a long time ago... Ewwwwww.

Now for those of you who are only interested in stories with happy endings, don't worry. I'm still working on those answers for next week, so please feel free to keep asking questions in that post. Have a good weekend!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

ANSWERS!!!! (Part 1)

HOLY SHIT you guys are curious. OK, when I first had the idea to answer questions, I figured I was being lazy by making you guys do half the typing. But crap - you guys had me blushing on some of those. I promise I'll answer all of you guys, but I'll do it over a couple of posts. So here goes...

Q: OK, I'll be the first to ask a question. I don't mind parking my Jaguar in the lot of a topless bar, but I've never had the nads to visit a massage parlour. Have you ever heard of anyone taking license plate numbers and blackmailing patrons? Are there any other privacy concerns you can talk about? ...And a followup question, if you don't mind. What's the best online resource for rating parlours?

A: I've never seen anyone record licenses before, but occasionally we'll get a police car parked across the street to kinda scare away customers. Usually lasts about a day. And then when they come back as customers (we get a lot of cops, both local and state) they tell us that it was because a "concerned citizen" made a call, so they had to do something just for show.

I don't follow the rating websites that closely. As long as no one is saying anything bad about us (or using real names), I just ignore them.

Q: Ok, questions, im planning to visit a massage parlour next weekend and yes its gonna be my very first visit,do i pay the money upfront on the counter before we go in or after? ya other blogs did mention about asking the options and extras before the session starts, do u mean we ask all this on the counter or insider the room when im naked?? if u know what i mean, and yes im kinda nervous since its gonna be my first time and honesttly i really do need that massage with a little twist at the end

A: Money up front is just for the room. Tip inside is for the massage and options. I offer options after the customer is in the room and expect to be paid then. NOTHING about options is discussed outside the room, and if you bring it up we'll change the subject.

Q: You often refer to your old "Internet Sugar Daddy Days". Can you tell us more about that? I'm considering seeking a sugar baby. Did it ever work out well for either party?

A: I could do a whole post on this topic alone - so I proabably will later. But here's the shorts answer. A couple years ago when I was between boyfriends and just bored, I went on line to a couple of those sugardaddy websites. Had the weirdest conversations with guys claiming to be Wall Street big shots and Hollywood producers. Exchanged phone numbers with a couple. Met only 1 - and he turned out to be just a married travelling salesman who was just really lonely.

Q: What's the working life for a topless masseuse? strippers start rotating out at age 25, NFL players usually only average 3 years. and what's your plan for a second act?

A: Let me put it to you this way... my boss is pushing 50 and she still has more Regulars than any of us (she's a dirty slut too, but that's just me thinking out loud). I would say average age is 35. Young girls are rare in this business - I was sort of a novelty when I started. When I retire the masseuse table I plan on starting a tanning salon with the money I've socked away.

Q: So what's the smallest and or largest guy u ever tugged, and did you laugh or giggle at the size? Or when you saw mandingo, were you remotely curious, or just grossed by the sheer size.

A: Both ends of the scale I would call medical freaks. The smallest was the size of my thumb when fully erect. Largest is broken into width and length. Longest I'd say was about 12 inches - I didn't have a ruler on me. The widest one I ever worked with was barely big enough for me to put both my hands around - and it was by far the freakiest thing I've ever seen. The long one just scared me.

Q: How many times does a guy have to visit you (or how often does a guy have to visit you) to be considered a "regular" or "VIP"?

A: A "Regular" is anyone who sees me (and just me) on a regular basis, whether weekly, monthly, or even quarterly. I'll call someone a Regular after his 3rd visit. I guess I'd call a VIP anyone who routinely tips above and beyond the standard. And to be called a "Sugar Daddy" you have to tip GENEROUSLY beyond the standard.

Q: Is there any usual tip vs. door fee scale that nubes or rookies should expect?

A: I can only speak for The Business, but the house fee is standard no matter how many times you visit. You pay for the amount of time you spend in the room and is identical in price to a therapeutic massage place.

Q: If one takes a shower before visiting an mp, can one skip the TS/stand-up shower? (These seem to be common in NJ/NY)

A: Yes - they are used most often by customers AFTER the massage. We only insist on using it before the massage if the guy has some B.O. issues.

Q: Have you ever considered being an independent and working from an apartment? I don't know about the market where you are, but in most places you can get $120-180 per hour. You get to keep the full amount, but then you have your expenses such as rent, web site and such. But it seems to work for a lot of women and I've found the experience much better than a parlor.

A: No. As you can tell, I value my privacy and the last thing I need is a string of guys knocking on my door. As for a 2nd apartment - I wouldn't feel safe working by myself like that.

Q: 1) Is there anything we can do to get the happy ending if the masseuse doesn't bring it up at all? I've gotten nothing at a place from one person while a different person gave me the HE.

A: I've said it before and I'll say it again - you should never have to bring up the Happy Ending. If it's not being offered, there's a reason. Either they don't do it, or you're not eligible - yet. I would suggest asking the girl who gave you the HJ if the entire business offers happy endings.
Remember guys - if you've been to a place a couple of times and they've offered you NOTHING - then you're in a legitimate therapeutic place. We make most of our money offering options, so if they're not being offered to you, then don't embarass yourself by asking.

Q: When do we ask for extras? The place I have gone to, which does do the HE, hasn't offered any other extras. Do I just ask? I asked another person there and they just laughed and i didn't even GET the HE.

A: Sounds like you got lucky and she's offering you the Happy Ending on the side. If that's the case, DO NOT ask the other girls for one so she doesn't get fired. But since the HE door has been opened, feel free to ask for extras. But I have a feeling that if she's secretly giving handjobs on the side, then she's probably not likely to get topless.

Q: I would like to try the prostate massage -- is that common?

A: Hell no. That's a specialty you really have to ask around for.

Q: When is the last time you sucked a guy off? What have you learned from the parlor that you can you use on a boyfriend or person you're having sex with? How much is the most you've made in one year?

A: Thank you for showing an interest... Anyway, I won't answer that directly, but let's just say that I got laid about a month ago. As for the work tricks I bring home - I did a post about this a while ago. I don't bring any home. Guys I'm dating usually don't want handjobs and rarely ask for massages (believe it or not). During my prime, I got over 6 figures in cash during that 2-3 years when the economy was booming.

Q: How do I go and find a Massage parlor that offers options in my town? What are things to look for? Is it mostly word of mouth that is the advertising of such parlors?

A: Start with the phone book and look for places that DO NOT advertise as "therapeutic" or with LMTs on staff. Next, try the weekly entertainment rag - most towns have them and the seedy ads are in the back. We rely mostly on the weekly rag and our billboard - not word of mouth.

Phew - that was tough! I promise to get to the rest of them later, but in the meanwhile, feel free to keep 'em coming!


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Q&A 2: Free For All

Hey guys. Once again it's yours truly reporting to you live from the worlds slowest computer in her living room. I'm sorry, but I hate this damn thing so much that I really haven't been in the mood to write much lately.

So to make it up to you, I decided to post some new pics from an orgy that we hosted at The Business for a porn star convention that was recently in town...

Yeah right. Anyway, what I did decide to offer you guys is another Q&A session since I have been sooooooo bad lately at getting back to all of you who've had questions recently - especially the ones you asked during the Readers Poll.

So please feel free to ask (or in most cases re-ask) whatever you want to know. Even the shit that I've talked about a hundred times before. I promise I won't tell you to go back and read anything! LOL. And those of you who posted a question recently - just ask it again so I won't forget this time.

Ask whateveryou want. Business questions, massage parlor etiquette, prices, options, boyfriends, sex, whatever.

Thanks guys! And have a great Labor Day weekend!


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The New Girl

Sorry I haven't been around lately, but my fucking laptop got a virus and now it's shot. It's not completely dead, but it has been coughing up blood. I've been reduced to using my old computer at home. Ugh - it took me forever to get it up and running. So if there are any particularly generous gentlemen out there who would like to ensure I can update regularly, please feel free to send me a new laptop (did you honestly think I paid for the old one?).

Anyway, enough bitching and moaning about my problems. I want to tell you about the new girl. Things have been picking up around here so Audrey hired Carla to cover some of the problem shifts where we never seemed to have enough help. The problem though is that these shifts were a mess because it was summer and no one wanted to work them. Now that summer is over, we don't need the help.

So I guess we're stuck with Carla. I'm afraid that Audrey is going to put her only on shifts where she won't cut into HER clients. Already I'm expecting the worse. But oh well - watcha gonna do?

Carla is nice enough I guess. Not much of a talker, but not uncomfortable to be around either. She came from a Business much closer to the city, but has recently moved out here to the country. She's Italian and looks it. Very pretty face. She's also very curvy, and by that I mean her top half is balanced out by her bottom half. She has a 2 year old girl and is attending the local community college. So when she tells a customer she's a poor, struggling student - she ain't kidding (that reminds me that I need to get off my ass one of these days and go back to school).

She's working out OK so far, but during our first shift together, she gave a customer a topless hand release for $30. When she told me I nearly flipped out. Turns out that Audrey gave her almost NO direction when she started. I recalibrated her so now she knows the proper prices and to NEVER cut them - OR ELSE.

Now I know for a fact that the place she comes from is full service. But, she claims she only did hand jobs there. It might be true since I used to be in that same situation, plus she doesn't seem to give off that full-service vibe. But if she does do something stupid, I'm sure I'll find out eventually. And the last thing we need is a girl doing full service behind everyone else's back.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to throw this old antique computer out the window. This thing must have frozen about 12 times since I started typing this evening and I'm about to blow a fuse. So if I disappear for a couple of weeks - it's because I went postal on this piece of crap. I know I could go to the public library and use their computers, but I think I'd feel slightly self conscious trying to describe my latest freak in diapers and high heels, while sitting next to an old lady buying quilts on e-bay.