Thursday, December 31, 2009

Welcome 2010

Happy New Year Guys!

Sad but true, I will continue to enjoy my time off for another couple of days. In fact with the bad weather and all, I'm glad I'm not coming in. But for any of you guys out on the icy roads this holiday weekend, Audrey will be holding down the fort all by herself.

Good luck with that.

We've been hearing complaints lately from customers who say that Audrey is ALWAYS here. True - since Thanksgiving she's gone into total workaholic mode. That's nothing to brag about since there's nothing more annoying than to have your boss stealing customers during YOUR shift. I know it's her business, but hey - we all need to make a living.

The way things work around here, business will be achingly slow for the next 2 or 3 months. What with everyone paying off Xmas bills and taxes, no one has money for happy endings. But when tax returns start rolling in, business picks up.

So let's hope that 2010 is a better year for everyone! And where are those flying cars they promised we'd have by now?


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Merry Christmas everybody! I'm off this week, so nothing to report from work; which is nice because I didn't take a vacation this year. And from what I'm hearing, it looks like I'm not missing anything.

Audrey is actually working all this week. I think part of it is greed, and part of it is because she has nothing else to do. All of her family is on the west coast, so she tends to become a workaholic on holidays.

But the weird thing is that business just tanked right before Christmas. Normally things get slow right about now, but Audrey said it's been absolutely dead. Believe it or not, we usually sell quite a few gift certificates at this time of year. Most of them get redeemed by cute little old ladies for therapeutic massages.

This year I think we sold just a handful. That's not a good sign since it looked like business was starting to pick up again after 2 years. I don't know... Maybe I shouldn't read too much into it.

Someone asked for a Xmas story, so here's one from last year. Speaking of gift certificates, I had a guy who got one from his wife who did NOT know that we offer more than therapeutic massages. Well, what she didn't know was that he was already a Regular here. I guess he "hinted" to her that he could really use some body work and she actually came in and bought him an hour session.

Well, now that the cat was out of the bag, he felt free to talk about what a "relaxing" time he had at The Business in the hands of Trina. In fact, he made it sound like so much fun, that his wife decided to try a session herself! AND she asked for Trina!!

So now this guy was shitting a brick - his unsuspecting wife was in the hands of his monthly little secret. Trina did manage to take good care of her, but she said it felt kinda weird to here her talk about how her husband turned her onto the idea of getting a massage. Meanwhile Trina's thinking to herself "... lady if you only knew..."

I know it's not the most exciting Christmas story, but hey - I'm on vacation! Time to eat cookies, drink eggnog and figure out the instructions to all the toys for the nieces and nephews. I'm sure there will be plenty of debauchery to share next year.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Confessions of the World's Luckiest Prostitute

OK guys, you've found me out. In light of recent comments I've decided that I can't lie to you anymore, and I've decided to come clean.

I am in fact the worlds luckiest prostitute.

So now that I have nothing to hide anymore, I've decided to share with you guys the Gawds honest truth about what REALLY goes on around here. Here goes...

This morning I came to work about an hour late. There were already a couple of guys waiting outside, but I decided to sit down to an hour of TV just so I could relax and enjoy my coffee in peace. After an hour of news, sports, and weather, I opened up the front door and let in the guy with the most expensive car. The others I told to come back when they could afford something manufactured during a year that begins with a "2."

"Richard" owns his own bank, and stops by once a month to dump what he calls "tarp" money on me (I don't know - it looks like normal money to me). He asks for a mutual massage, but I tell him I'm feeling a bit under the weather, so would he mind just massaging me? He ends up doing a very nice job, and I make him spend extra time on my feet. When he's finished and ready for his happy ending, I tell him that I just did my nails and would he mind taking care of himself?

I left the room so he could finish his own happy ending without me distracting him, pausing just long enough to grab the pile of bills he left for me. As I'm counting my money, I thank Gawd for giving me a vagina and a sense of entitlement.

Richard only killed 15 minutes of my day, so I settle in for some SERIOUS TV watching. As Oprah comes on, I turn the phone off and lock the front door. As I'm closing the front shades, I tell the 3 guys standing outside to go jerk off in their cars and just leave the money under the door.

3 hours later and I'm ready for lunch! Sitting down really makes you hungry. So as I'm walking out the front door, I bump into "Fred" - a rather nice mortgage broker who used to fly in by helicopter before the economy tanked. Now he takes the limo like everyone else.

Fred asks if we can do a quick session, but I really can't give a proper handjob without lobster in my stomach. He looks really disappointed and is about to leave when I ask him if he has masturbated lately.

He looked confused and then admitted to whacking it about twice a week since our last session. I then convinced him that since I have a vagina, he's technically been taking work away from me each time he jerks off. And since that's money that should have gone to me, he therefore owes me a cut of each of those whack jobs. At first, he has trouble seeing the logic in this, but since I have enormous breasts he eventually agrees to pay me ten bucks for each time he jacked off since his last visit.

I happily thank him as he empties his wallet, then I give him a hug - as a token of my affection. Hey, I can't let him go home empty handed now could I? That's called good customer service. But now he has no money for another session, so I tell him to come back after he finds an ATM.

With that extra wad of cash, I decided to go for a nice sit down lunch downtown - where I can watch all the poor working stiffs going back and forth between their "jobs." As I'm downing my 3rd glass of port, I almost feel sorry for men and their penises - having to make up for their lack of a vagina with 4 years of college. Suckers.

I thank Jesus for not giving me a penis nor any discernable math skills. I'm so lucky that it's a woman's world and we get to make up all the rules, else I might actually have to work for a living. I think of how lucky my sister crack-whores are... men can't even drive past them on the street without offering them money! Now that's what I call respect. And here I am having to drive to work everyday...

After my 2 hour lunch, I start to miss the comfort of a warm television, so I head back to work. There are 4 guys standing out front when I arrive, but they can wait because now it's time to catch up on my Stories! I find the spot on the couch that has my ass imprint and settle in for 4 hour of soap operas. The phone rings more times than I care to remember. I consider changing the answering machine message to tell guys to just mail the money in, but realize I have to move to do it.

My mind starts to wander after 4 hours of TV, which is the price you pay for being so intellectual. I remember that the rent is due next week, so I better end the day with another customer. I praise Jesus for all my lady parts which entitle me to free money and television. Then I praise Baby Jesus for making men work so hard to give us money and television.

I make my way to the front door and see 6 men standing in line to get in. I open the door and greet their eager faces. I'm feeling generous so I yell "Ok, who here has more than 6 years of college?" Five dejected faces look down. "You there, the skinny one - you win the lottery. Let's go. The rest of you Johnny Punchclocks - go back to school."

My last customer of the day is "Andy." He's a doctor. With 8 years of school, he's either really envious of my vagina, or he's making up for a very small penis. But I figure that since he went to school for sooooooo long in order to afford my attention, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

We get into session and... it's the latter. Sorry Albert. I explain to him my pricing and options. Since he's on a budget, he opts for the disinterested handjob while I daydream about Oprah. There's a slight chill in the room, so I tell him if it's all the same I'm just going to leave all my clothes on. He begins to protest that he paid for a nude massage, but I inform him he should have thought about that before the room got chilly.

Halfway through the massage I take a phone call from my boyfriend. "Oh nothing dear... I'm just in the middle of tapping the ATM for spending money." After a half hour of other romantic exchanges, I turn my attention back to Albert who's fallen asleep.

"Wake up Al. You're done."

He looks confused. "What happened?" he manages.

"I sucked your dick and swallowed your manly load. You're a stud. Now get up and get outta here."

Albert dresses and I walk him to the door. "Did I enjoy it?" he asks.

"Oh Albert - you loved it. Thrashed around and everything." I give him a big hug. I figure it's the least I could do for paying my rent for 2 months. "Keep studying!" I call out to him as he makes his way to the parking lot.

My day is now over. I figure I can squeeze in a couple more hours of TV watching before I head home to watch more TV.

And that my friends is my REAL typical day. I'm sorry that I lied to you guys for 2 years now, but I didn't think anyone would care to hear about how truly lucky I am to have a vagina.


Thursday, December 17, 2009


Well I was planning on talking about how my Xmas shopping is going, but instead I see that some of you out there are obsessed over this idea that I am somehow "lucky" to have this job.

"Lucky" is such an interesting word to use to describe erotic massage. It implies that luck is what gets us here. Is it luck that we get a lot of drug addicts walking through our doors looking for work? Is it luck that the college students blow outta here as soon as they graduate? I don't know, but that doesn't sound very lucky to me.

Or maybe you're thinking that I'm lucky I have a vagina, because it entitles me to a job where I can sit on my ass watching TV in between customers who shovel money into my purse. In that case, I would like to point out that my vagina has never been lucky enough to get me a job at the local plant - where decent-paying study jobs only seem to go to applicants with penises. Believe me - most of my friends and family have tried gettting work there, and a vagina is only lucky enough to get you a gig as a secretary.

And to correct another misconception, it is not "lucky" to watch TV all day. Let me tell ya - every fucking minute that I'm stuck in the lounge watching the clock tick, I am painfully aware that I'm not making any money. We have to cover 8 hour shifts, and that's 8 hours that could be spent with friends and family or ANYTHING more productive than watching TV. And it's even worse when those 8 hours are spent with some bitch that you can't stand.

You wanna know where luck figures into it? I guess that I'm "lucky" to have a cute face and large breasts on a small frame. That has definitely helped in getting new customers. But it's been my personality and massage skills that keep them coming back (no pun intended).

And I guess I would consider myself not so much lucky as fortunate that I have a job that can sometimes break a 6 figure salary. I'm sorry, but I just cannot bring myself to use the word "luck" to describe the hundreds and hundreds of handjobs that I had to do that particular year (Phew!).

Now all of you guys out there should consider yourself lucky that I'm an erotic massage therapist, or else you'd be reading "Confessions of a Grocery Store Bagger."

Today we ran out of plastic and I had to switch to paper. Forgot to double bag a gallon of milk and the bag ripped...

None of those stories have a happy ending.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

Wow guys! Thank you sooooo much for all the advice and support. You answered most of my questions and gave me lots of stuff to think about. I realize now that I've only been scratching the surface of all the extra stuff I could be doing in my little corner of cyberspace.

One thing I realized is how uneducated I am when it comes to all these tech things. I just kinda skimmed over all the talk about links and widgets and stuff. When it comes to the technical stuff, I am such a girl. I usually just call my Techno-Nerd and say "read this and call me back." Poor Velma - don't be too hard on her since she helps me maintain this site as a favor.

So expect to see some changes around here soon. I'd like to get those handy links up as soon as possible. It's funny - when I started I wanted to educate everyone out there about what really goes on in a parlor. Now it turns out that I have to know all this internet stuff so I can do it professionally! Like I'm a real professor of handjobs or something. I wanted to tell stories, but I never realized it would ever get so SERIOUS.

Now to answer some of your interesting questions...

You wanna job giving massages and handjobs all day in various states of undress? Welcome to it. We always welcome newbies who aren't druggies or strippers (no offense to my sex-worker cousins out there, but some of you just have really bad work ethics). The reason why I can charge a guy $80 to see me topless and get a hand release is... (drum roll please)... because I can. It's the going rate. Basic market dynamics, just like everything else on the planet. Whether you view my job as easy or not has nothing to do with the market rate for a massage and happy ending.

Look at the guy that empties your garbage can once a week. Is the work hard? Yes. Does he get paid well for it? Yes. It has to be yes, because if garbage men got paid badly, no one would offer to do it. You want to switch jobs with me? Go ahead - but as a guy you'd have zero customers, zero dollars, but 8 hours of quality TV time. This job does require a certain set of skills (and a vagina).

The reason I've done this so successfully and for this long is because I take it more seriously than most. Unlike some of the druggies and skanks I've worked with, I don't view each customer as just another step towards getting my next fix. To me it's always been about getting the customer comfortable enough so they want to come back. Put it this way, a newbie is $80 one time only. A Regular is $150 every week/month/etc.

OK, enough of me rambling on about my MY work ethics. Unfortunately, I don't have any good freak of the week stories for you right now. I did have my shopping date, but that story ends with a lobster dinner and not a happy ending. Sorry guys, but sometime a girl needs her own happy ending, and mine was coated in butter and served with a roll!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Gettin' Paid

I've asked my Techno-Nerd Velma to see if she could add links to the side of this blog to some of the more educational stuff I've posted. Things that the newbies keep asking about... how to find a parlor, code words, what to expect, etc...

Well as you can see, she hasn't figured it out yet. But, she did discover that I could put ads on this page and maybe make some money. At first I thought that was kinda sleazy. Yes, a blog about handjobs that doesn't want to appear sleazy. Well Velma pointed out the irony in that, so now I'm wondering how that would work.

So what do you guys out there think? If I added ads to this thing, would you respect me in the morning? I mean, I've seen other blogs that have advertisements for sex toys and stuff, and I always thought that was kinda cheesy. Also made me think that the blog wasn't real and it was all about selling crap.

Well the only thing I'm trying to sell here (so far) is the massage parlor lifestyle. Don't know how I'd feel seeing ads for condoms and dildos on the sides of the page. I don't know.

But it's not like I haven't made money in other ventures. I've occasionally done outcall therapeutic massage for some of my mom's friends. I've helped old boyfriends paint houses. And once I even did housekeeping. That particular job was for an old Sugar Daddy (and like most of my stories, it ended with a hand job), but I have to admit that I worked my ass off that day and that house was immaculate when I was done.
So honestly, what do you guys think? Should I put ads up on this thing?


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Hangover

Last night I waaaaaay over did it. I was a really really really bad girl. After the depressing week I had, me and some of my girlfriends decided to just go out and really blow off some steam. We started off the evening innocently enough with our beers and wines; eventually shifted to cosmo's and flirtini's, and then ended the evening with shots of Jager.

Have you ever ended an evening with Jager? I think selling Jager after 11pm should be considered a form of assisted suicide and be outlawed in this state. Needless to say, I was a hurting puppy this morning.

And I had to work.

Ever have one of those hangovers where you wake up and the room is still spinning? Then you realize that you're actually still slightly drunk? It was like that. I staggered into the bathroom only to discover that those horrible dreams I had about throwing up in, out, around and all over the toilet were in fact not dreams.

I forced myself to take a shower, but even afterwards I still looked like Death warmed over. It was so bad that I actually put makeup on. I NEVER wear makeup to work. Then I just threw on sweats and a hoodie (fuck Audrey if she complains) and poured myself into the car.

The extra strong coffee at Burger King with greasy breakfast sandwich didn't help things either. By the time I got to work, I was ready to just curl up and die. That's when I got the message on the answering machine that Audrey wasn't coming in.

The good news was that she wouldn't see me in this state. The bad news was that I was on my own and couldn't pawn off the first customer on someone else while I slept this hangover off in the back.

Luckily, my first customer of the day was a Regular I really like. We'll call him Mark - A nice middle age guy who takes the occasional mutual and never asks for anything weird. I was like "Thank Gawd it's you. I don't think I could have handled a therapeutic this morning!"

Mark was being understanding so I told him "Look - do you mind if you just do me today? I just want to lie here and not move." Yes I actually said that. Looking back today, that was pretty shitty of me to do that to him. So I got undressed (with much effort) and crawled (with much more effort) onto the table and let Mark massage me.

I swear to Gawd that was the best massage ever. That man should be freakin' sainted for what he did. I just lied there on my stomach and Mark gave me an absolutely wonderful massage. Even did my feet. He only paid for a 30 minute session, but I totally ingored the clock since it was ME on the table (benefit of the job).

He asked if I wanted to flip over, but I was totally limp at that point and didn't want to move. So I told him to just keep going. He did my back a second time, but when he finished he asked what I wanted to do about the happy ending. Oh crap, I thought that would require movement on my part.

Or would it...?

"Mark - you did such a great job I really don't want to move. Can you think of something that doesn't require me to do anything?"

Let me just stop right here and say that I am normally not such a bad masseuse and this story does not reflect my professional work ethics. I was in such a bad way, and I DID manage to drag my hungover ass to work. So at least give me credit for that.

Mark is not an adventurous guy, so he didn't know what to do. I told him he could do an ass release if he wanted. THAT wouldn't require me to even use my hands! Unfortunately, he's not exactly a very physical kind of guy so the idea of dry humping me on the table didn't appeal to him.

I thought of a compromise and told him to grab a bottle of oil and come over to the front of the table. He took a bottle from the warmer and stood in front of me. I was still on my stomach and my head was turned to the side with both arms up over my head. I opened my left hand and told him to oil it up real good. He squeezed some warm oil over my open palm. I squished it around in my fist a few times then I placed my hand at the edge of the table.

"Give me your dick" I ordered. Mark looked confused, but he stepped up to the table and put his slightly limp penis in my left hand. I closed my hand gently on him and then worked the oil onto the shaft. When he started to get hard, I just wrapped my fingers around his prick and said "Fuck my hand."

He seemed happy enough to obey, so he started to go at it right there. Luckily the height of the table was more or less good for him to stand and just move back and forth - pumping my fist with his cock. My head was turned to the side so I had a nice ring side seat to the action.

Now I've said it before and I'll say it again - I enjoy watching a cock shooting cum. It's just proof of a job well done. Well, Mark was no exception. So when he came, I just made sure I aimed him just right so he shot his load right in front of my nose, and on to my left shoulder. It puddled nicely on the table.

Mark almost fell over. He said he can't remember the last time he came while standing up. I'm glad I was there to help expand his horizons!

After he left, I collapsed in front of the TV in back and slept for about an hour. I was woken up by the phone, but at least I felt slightly better. Luckily I didn't have another customer till later in the day - when I had sobered up a bit.

So there you have it - confessions of the worlds laziest masseuse. Please don't judge me!


Thursday, December 3, 2009

Confessions of an Erotic Shopper

OK... I know the holidays are here when I've gotten my first request for a "Shopping Date." It's an extra service I offer to friends and family at no additional charge. When it comes to shopping, my skills are legendary and without compare.

My "date" is a customer I'll call Mike. He's married wth 3 kids AND a big wedding anniversary coming up. So not only does he have a shopping list a mile long, he also needs gifts with pizzaz. In other words, a Snuggie ain't gonna cut it this year.

The last time I saw him in session was 2 months ago, but he actually stopped by The Business yesterday and begged for my help. He's been a faithful Regular for years, so I had to help him. Besides - he has no problem of being seen with me in public since he lives over an hour away.

So do any of you guys out there find it in poor taste that the hands that oil up Mike's cock are the same hands that are picking out his family's Xmas gifts? Personally, I think it's funny. But think of it this way - as a girlie girl, I know exactly what kind of things his wife will like. And with all my nephews/nieces I know what all the hot toys are for this season.

And in return for my services, I'll get dinner at Red Lobster. Plus, he'll probably get me a gift card for Target or something as my Xmas present. I figure that's only fair considering I'm the one that will research and find all the coolest toys for the kiddies plus the most romantic and thoughtful jewelry/lingerie for the wifey - AND all within his budget.

Did I mention that we should be able to accomplish this within 2 hours? Now is THAT service worth something to you? Your entire Xmas list done in a fraction of an afternoon? Just think of me as a professional gift consultant.

Now I've never told anyone this before (except Trina), but I also provide one extra special service for the weary Xmas shopper. Two years ago, I was helping a rather timid gentleman who was deathly afraid of the mall and crowds. I managed to get him in and out of the mall and 2 shopping centers in 1 short evening. It would have been 3 shopping centers, but he was breathing funny and I thought the poor guy was gonna have a panic attack.

So I made some very bold decisions regarding Webkinz and an espresso machine so we could call it quits. He was relieved, but still a nervous wreck. I offered to buy him a beer, but he said he didn't drink. I still felt bad for the guy, so I told him to park the car at the far end of the parking lot. When we got there, I told him to just lay back and relax.

I took a quick peek around to make sure no one was nearby and I unzipped his pants. At first he was like "Whaaa?? Are we alone?? Can anybody see??" I told him we were fine and to just shut up. As a loyal Regular he was already quite familiar with my technique, so he calmed down quickly. Without the benefit of baby oil, I took care of him dry (The HJ technique is very different between lube and dry but a lot of inexperienced girls don't know the difference).

When he was getting close to cumming, I pulled his shirt up a bit (you try explaining cum stains on your shirt to your wife after "shopping"). He moaned out loud and made a neat mess on his belly. After directing me to hand him some paper napkins in the glovebox, he thanked me several times. I was just happy that he was finally breathing normally again. Then he rolled down his window and tossed the used napkins before driving me back to my car at the mall.

It's the one and only time I've successfully mixed work and shopping.

Happy Holidays!


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy Holidays!!!!

Hey guys! Thanks to everyone for making this a pretty good Thanksgiving weekend. Not quite what I was expecting, but good nevertheless.

First off, what's usually the busiest week of the year for us here at The Business turned into a Homecoming of sorts. We did better than usual, but not what I had hoped. What was weird though was that there were few newbies. Instead, I saw guys I haven't seen in ages finally stopping by for a session and to catch up.

It almost felt like a happy hour that went on for 4 days. Guys would stop in for a session then just hang out and chat afterwards. The coffee machine was working overtime! There was soooooo much to catch up on. Customers telling us about their kids and their jobs and their vacations, etc. But in general, people came back because they finally got work and aren't broke anymore. I guess that's a good sign of the economy, right?

As for me, I can't complain. Most guys took topless, but I got quite a few nudes and even a couple mutuals. Cha-ching!

But the highlight of my weekend was definitely an old Regular I'll call Big-Toe Pete. Big-Toe is (as you probably guessed) another foot guy. His thing is to suck on my toes while I stroke him. We both lie on the table and he takes both my feet in his hands. Meanwhile, I use the oil on him and perform the happy ending. I can tell when he's about to cum because he takes both my big toes and pops them in his mouth. Then as he cums, he sucks them like he's a diabetic and my toes are full of insulin.

Ever had your toes sucked? It's weird and fun at the same time - especially when you can feel that tongue darting over your skin. If you haven't I would suggest you try it at least once. Oh - and wash your feet first.

Big-Toe was more than happy to get his Toe-On, and he showed his appreciation when he tipped me. Let's just say that my nieces and nephews won't be too disappointed with their Auntie CJ this Christmas. And I was worried for a while there!

So go out there guys and buy some Christmas presents! And maybe I'll see you at the mall. I'll be the one with the numb hands trying to dig change out of my wallet.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009


One of you guys just asked me if I hug my Regulars after session. I thought that was an interesting comment and I just wanted to talk more about it out here. Some of my best friends are customers. Most of you probably don't believe that, since coming from me it probably sounds as convincing as a stripper saying "you should come here tomorrow and just hang out!"

But think about it. There are half a dozen Businesses here in town, and several girls working in each one. That means there are quite a few girls to choose from. So for a guy to settle on me and decide to visit here on a regular basis, there has to be chemistry of some kind. It might be my sense of humor, or my professional massage techniques, or maybe just the particular way The Girls bounce when I'm performing my infamous "double-handed criss-cross" technique. In any case, we get along in some way so it's always comfortable during session.

It's not uncommon for a guy to stop in and just say "hi." Heck - we appreciate someone breaking up the boredom between customers. Occasionally someone might even stop by to take us out to lunch (or in some cases I take them out if I just came out of a lucrative session).

What I'm trying to say here is that I treat my Regulars like anyone else I know. If we get along, then I look forward to seeing you. A lot of guys ask me to "hang out" outside of work. And if we're actually friends at work, then I'll gladly say yes. Mind you - I have gotten pretty good at spotting psychos and stalkers, so I'll quickly avoid anyone who gives me a weird vibe. But I enjoy spending time with people I like whether I've jerked them off or not.

Most of my customer/friends are single (of course). For some reason, the married guys just don't want to be caught at The Olive Garden having a salad with me. What's really fun is when I run into a married customer at the mall who's with the wife. They get that deer-in-the-headlights look. I know the routine, so it's easy for me to just ignore them. But Regulars will often come up and give me a big "hi" and occasional hug in public (especially if they're with a buddy they want to show off in front of).

Now what's creepy is when I run into a customer I don't like out in public, especially in a bar. Then there's that awkward stare, or the unwanted drinks. And if I'm there with friends, it's hard to convince everyone to go somewhere else.

But for the most part I like my Regulars and consider a lot of them as friends.

Friends who see each other naked or occasionally in lingerie that is.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Mother Of All Massage Weekends - Thanksgiving

Well it's that time of year again. Time to enjoy that last little bit of spending cash you still have. It's your last chance to do something for yourself for the next 6 weeks. And it's that desperately needed bit of stress relief that you're gonna need to survive the Holiday Season.

Yes, I'm talking about your annual Thanksgiving Erotic Massage.

This is THE biggest massage weekend of the year. I hope all of you guys out there have been taking notes and are ready to go see your local masseuse sometime this week. And you know you can - When else will you have a wallet full of money and an excuse to drive cross country by yourself? Come on... You know you wanna!

We're all ready here at The Business. The schedule for this weekend is up and we're all planning on doing double shifts at least once this week. I'm giving up part of my traditional Black Friday spending frenzy, but it's worth it. It's all about being there to support my loyal customers - right?

Anyway, I see that my lazy-shit Techno Nerd hasn't put up those links on this website like she said he was going to. So let me try to do it here.

For all you newbies out there, here is a cheat sheet on what you need to know to get your first erotic massage. Just click on the link.

1) How to find a massage parlor.

2) What to expect during a typical erotic massage.

3) Massage parlor codes and lingo.

4) How to ask for a Happy Ending.

5) Why you should avoid Asian massage parlors.

6) Massage Parlor Etiquette.

I think next week I'll do a poll to see how many of you guys actually went this weekend. I know here at the Business we see a bunch of newbies at this time of year. And with the economy getting better I hope this is way better than last year.

Since I was so lame last week, I'll try to make it up to you guys by doing more updates and answering more questions this week.

Good luck!!!


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Questions and Answers #3

I've been scarce lately and I just need to catch up on things now. A friend of mine recently had her grandmother pass away, so I was kinda pre-occupied with the funeral and wake for the last several days. Plus I just didn't feel like playing on the computer.

Since I'm still feeling lazy and don't really have any fun stories to tell, I thought I'd do a new Q&A instead. So here goes Q&A #3 (I think).

How much could you make if you went full service?

If I went to the Other Business, I could probably expect up to $200 for mutuals, but down to $60 for strictly therapeutics. Now if I were to go FS, prices START at $200, and go up depending on the level of kink you want to pay for.

I am in Portland Oregon, and am having a hard time finding an establishment like yours. I have a feeling they are here, but I don't know where to start.

I've written about this in detail before. But the quick answer for those of you are are incredibly lazy is:

1) Check your local weekly entertainment newsrag. In the back are the adult ads, and parlors are easy to be found there.
2) Try the internet. Craigslist is good for solo masseuses. The adult forums are good for businesses.
3) Look in the phone book under "massage." Ignore all the ads that say LMT, Therapeutic, or Hair and Nails. What's left may or may not be a parlor.

can you move so you live halfway between the two, so it's say 45 minute drive to either?

No can do. I love where I live now and moving that much closer to the city would put me in some pretty shitty towns. No thanks!

CJ, I realize that the "happy ending" is intended to result in a manual release. However, do the exotic masseuses prefer to just blow the guy? The reason for this question is that some women just love to blow men and receive tremendous satisfaction from it. Also, do they fear repetitive stress injuries in their wrists and forearms? That could result in an end to their tradework.

Now THAT is what I call an intelligent and thoughtful question. Thank you for paying attention in class!

Anyway, let me start off by saying that NO masseuse ever wants to "just blow the guy." Sure, some women enjoy going down on their boyfriends, but when you do it as part of your job, there's nothing sexy about some anonymous dude shoving a couple bucks at you in exchange for putting the dirtiest part of his body in your mouth. This is why FS girls charge way more for a blowjob than a handjob.

As for repetitive stress injuries - yes, we are prone to those. My particular technique uses mostly my left hand, so the muscles have been built up over the years. However, I am right handed, so when I tire out on the left, I just switch over. That little trick effectively doubles the amount of HJ time I am capable of.

Typically a happy ending is finished within 2 minutes, but for the problematic customers, you start to strain your wrists at 3-4 minutes. This is why I have a set-in-stone rule of only 5 minutes for the happy ending.

are you afraid of giving in and blowing a guy?

I've had to deal with this before. Short answer is "no". Long answer is "yes, but..." I've had guys offer me wads of cash just to go down on them during session. But I've always had the moral fiber to decline (see - there are times when a "sex worker" actually uses her 2 remaining strands of moral fiber for something).

The problem is when you get into the situation where the car payment is due, the landlord has called the sheriff, and the electricity has been turned off - that a stranger's dick in the mouth doesn't seem so repugnant after all. Hopefully (knock on wood) I will never be in that situation. And staying away from a FS parlor keeps me as far from that sitation as possible (let me rephrase that - becoming a nun would keep me as far from that situation as possible. Working in a HJ only parlor kinda keeps me down-the-block-and-around-the-corner to that situation at best).

there's this legit place that i go to, and the masseuse seems to like me since she would give me a hj for free. my question is, how do i ask her to give me my "massage" privately at my place. i bet lotsa guys have asked you for the same.

What you are asking for is called "outcall" and yes, I get requests for it often. Believe me, we don't get offended if you ask since we're used to it. Just flat out ask her "do you do outcall."

However, this only works if she's already giving you happy endings. For the rest of you guys out there - DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. A therapeutic masseuse would throw your ass out.

One last thing - I hope you are tipping her extra for that happy ending!

Would you consider doing more if you change?

No. In fact, there's even a chance I would do better in a FS place since I would automatically get all the customers who don't want to pay for FS.

Newsflash – Sheila’s place is a dirty whore house and if you went to work there you would be offering full service within a couple of weeks because of the lure of $. Pls. don’t bullshit us that Sheila’s brothel has an opening for a professional LMT! She wants you because you would appeal to her horny customers as you’re kind of cute and have big fake tits. But, your appeal is declining as you have a lot of miles on the odometer. Guys like girls who are young, innocent-looking, fit and you are unfortunately about to "Jump the Shark”.

I know this isn't a question, but I have to respond anyway. It's obvious you don't know the world of massage parlors because you've gotten quite a bit of it wrong.

Let me start where you do have it right. Yes - Sheila's place is a dirty whorehouse. However, I've been solicited to go FS almost every day of my working life. Just changing the address will not change my ability to say "no thanks." Telling guys "no" is just second nature at this point.

Now all the parts where you are mistaken...

Sheila does need a LMT. Next year, the state of PA will probably pass a law that requires ANY business advertising massage services to employ LMTs. They've been kicking it around for a couple of years now, and it looks like it's really gonna happen soon. When it does, most parlors will be scrambling to get an LMT on staff. In particular it will be a blow to the Asian places, because it pretty much allows the cops to just show up unannounced and ask to see LMT licenses.

As for what guys want in massage parlors - you are sorely mistaken that they all want little 20-somethings. In fact, most new customers usually want someone who looks like their wife/girlfriend. Weird but true fact.

Secondly, since customers get to touch us (within reason), masseuses don't have to look like strippers. Young girls don't tend to last long in this business because the customers tend to think that she may be fun to look at, but she'll give a lousy massage. And most of the time they'd be right. The only reason why I managed to stay in for so long is because I have always given a good quality massage - not because I was younger than the other girls.

And lastly, I do not have "big fake tits." That's 100% CJ baby!

Hope this little chat keeps you guys happy for the weekend!


Friday, November 13, 2009

Decisions, decisions...

I've been in a weird mood lately (in case you haven't noticed). Things at work are stressful as usual. And to make matters worse, Audrey has gotten bitchier and bitchier.

It got so bad that we actually had it out a couple weeks ago. On this particular day, she managed to steal 2 customers from me just by walking up to the front desk and saying "I got this one" as I'm booking them in. The first time she did it, I chalked it up to her just being an asshole as usual and taking the first customer of the day. But the SECOND time she did it, my jaw dropped open in disbelief. She couldn't have offended me more if she had just slapped me in the face.

I was seeing red for half an hour while she was in session. When she came out I waited for her in the office and practically took her head off, I was so mad. We literally screamed at each other for about 10 minutes. Afterwards, she took off for lunch by herself - her way of saying "you can go next." What a sweet lady, huh?

Anyway, I was bitching about this (as usual) to a friend of mine who owns a Business, and "Sheila" said I should come work for her. This is nothing unusual. She offers me work all the time, and over the last couple of years I've actually worked a couple shifts with her - just as a favor.

But this time it was different. Sheila said she could really use an LMT on staff, and their business has been booming over the last 3 months. The problem though, is that her place is full service. She insists that's not a problem since about half their clients are handjob only. Also, her place is about 90 minutes from home, and my current commute is less than 30.

I told her I'd have to think about it, but I would definitely give it a real consideration this time. What I didn't say to her is that personally I think her Business is filthy, and the girls are all trashy. I know that sounds like the pot calling the kettle black - BUT, The Business is spotless and the girls don't look like they walked in off the streets (except for Cindy - LOL).

To be honest, Sheila's place looks and smells and feels like a brothel. Look - I love her to death, don't get me wrong. I would even help her out in a pinch if she needed some extra help covering shifts. But I don't know how I'd feel driving to that dump every day.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm only good in a car for an hour TOPS. My definition of "outer space" is anything more than 60 minutes from my house.

We talked numbers for a few minutes, and it may or may not be better than what I'm doing here. I don't know. Not being FS in a FS place has it's good and bad points - the worst one being the pressure to go FS for better money. However, the good thing is that you get an instant clientele - guys who don't want FS. So it's a toss up (no pun intended).

So that's the dilemma I'm facing now. Of course it doesn't help any that business has been building up towards the Mother Of All Massage Weekends - Thanksgiving. That week alone is worth sticking around this hell hole.

I think next week I'll go over all the things you guys need to know to get around a massage parlor. I need all of you out there to help our economy and go support your local masseuses over Thanksgiving weekend.

Who knows - the job you end up saving may be mine!


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

I had a client last week who made a comment about how I should write a book about all the wacky stuff that happens around here. This guy, Ken, thinks he's a super freak because he asked me to spank him.

Not while he had a dildo shoved up his ass.
Not while choking on a used G-string.
Not while calling me "mommy."
And I wasn't even wearing a rubber nazi officer uniform.

He just wanted to be spanked before the happy ending. That was it. Just a spanking.
And yet the way he was carrying on, he thought he was a bona fide porn star. "Oh yeah... I like it kinky. I bet you don't get requests like THIS every day."

Dude - you don't even know the half of it.

I didn't say anything because I really didn't want to burst his bubble. If it will make him happy, I'll let him think he rocked my world. "No Ken... You are a WILD MAN!"

I guess this is the sort of thing that happens when you have a midlife crisis. I can only assume that the missionary position is all he gets at home. If that's the case, then a little spanking is pretty crazy for him. Oh well.

I'm not knocking Ken. I'm just saying that I've seen some pretty strange things in my time. Some things around here are just so odd that I doubt that many of you guys out there would even believe them.

Now I have what I call my "A material." Most of that stuff I've shared with you guys here. Stories of sugar daddies, guys in womens underwear, unusual happy endings - stuff like that. Things have been so boring around here lately, that I usually try to share a funny tidbit as soon as I've wiped the cum up and shown the guy to the door.

Then there's the really weird stuff. Stories that are so strange that I've only shared them with other masseuses. And when I do, I get only 2 responses. Either "yeah right." or "Holy Shit - I heard about that guy." So I find it funny when someone says I made something up. All I can say to them is if you can't believe any of this shit, then you ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm sure one of these days I'll get daring enough to try to do these stories justice, but until then you'll have to put up with the boring day-to-day crap going on around here.

Take yesterday for example. No one came in. Well, one guy did and he wanted to see Trina. Since I was working with Audrey, he was outta luck. So he went out and came back with a box of donuts and one of those cardboard containers filled with coffee! We may not have had a single customer that shift, but we went home happy - buzzing on caffeine and sugar.

Now THAT is a true tale from the massage parlor.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Search For CJ

I get about half a dozen e-mails each week from guys claiming they've "found" me - or at least asking if I was the masseuse they had 3 years ago ("Remember me - I was the tall thin guy wearing a Yankee's ball cap?"). As you all know by now, I need my privacy in order to write anything interesting so I can't afford to see anyone who reads this. It's a catch 22.

Which is a shame because I would absolutely LOVE the business right now. Plus we'd have plenty to talk about!

Anyway, before I started sharing lurid stories online, I would periodically surf the internet for any references to myself and the Business. It's always interesting to see things from the customers perspective. So for all you "hobbyists" out there - don't think that we don't know what you guys are saying about us.

Mostly I'm talking about those adult review websites. Both Audrey and I are members of several of them, just so we can catch up on all the latest gossip about us and our competitors. Yes - we use the internet to spy on other Businesses and each other (I don't know how many times I've read a bad review about a "skank" named Audrey). We need to work for customers just like any other business, so we keep an eye on our competition.

But what's really fun is when you find something on a local business forum posted by a very unhappy housewife who just discovered her husbands credit card statements. Guess which of the following reviews was written by a woman?

A) "I got a blowjob from the blonde slut and ended up with a rash"
B) "They're all a bunch of dick sucking whores."
C) "Those skanks stole my wallet!"

The correct answer is "D" - all of the above. It's kinda obvious when it's not a customer because the stuff they say is just way off in left field. Well, if they're talking about Audrey, then the rash thing might be true.

Anyway, guys tend to share different info. Like some of these gems:

"Gave a less than enthusiastic hand release"
"Awesome tits"
"No FS. HJ only. Clothing options"
"Will let you finger her"

Needless to say, I've never had a customer who said he came in because we had good "reviews." Guys don't tend to share their secrets with us, which is a shame because I could probably give more accurate reviews of the local girls than most of that crap they post on the websites. Honestly - if a customer wanted to know where to get a decent BJ, I could recommend girls I know at other Businesses.

Now recently I've been following the internet chat on "CJ." Personally I think it's funny and flattering to see how much some of you guys have to say about me. To be safe, I will neither confirm nor deny how accurate any of your info is, but let me just say that I'm not too worried about being discovered any time soon.

And remember - this isn't a contest. So whoever does their homework and actually finds me - I've decided that you're not getting a freebie! LOL. Actually, I don't know what I'd do if a customer ever said "you're CJ, aren't you!" I think I'd totally freak out.

To be honest, the idea really does make me nervous. I mean, if that were to ever happen, then our real address and names could be posted all over the internet, and that scares the shit out of me. Most of you guys who have written to me seem normal and nice, but I have had more than my share of assholes and stalkers.

So those of you who still insist on finding me, good luck and just be cool about it. I wonder how many masseuses out here have been asked if they know a "CJ?"


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The "Reverse" Parlor - A Massage Parlor for Women

When I did the QA a couple weeks ago, some of you asked if there was a female version of the massage parlor. Well, the female version of a happy ending does exist, but it's probably not exactly the party you think it is.

I have a guy friend from massage school who I'm still in contact with. You all got me thinking about the whole reverse parlor thing, so I gave "Rob" a call. I know he spent a couple years in a day spa located in a ritzy ski resort up in Canada and some of the stories he tells are hilarious. He always claimed that he rarely "dipped into the cookie jar" as he put it, but knew the guys who did it for a living. Yeah right.

I'll try to describe what they did using terms that I use for The Business. Basically, there were no clothing options since it was all under the table. What they did have the option of was a "clit massage" by either hand or tongue. Meanwhile, women who wanted to fuck would see the guys in their hotel rooms after work.

Now keep in mind that these services were not offered to anyone, and were only advertised by word of mouth (no pun intended). The way Rob describes it, the clients were basically very wealthy and very bored housewives who could do whatever they wanted while the husbands were out skiing. And unfortunately, he said that these women weren't exactly the Housewives of Atlanta, if you know what I mean.

I guess it wasn't uncommon for Rob to see one of his fellow masseurs out for drinks with some of the clients - after all, it was a ski resort and there was no where else to go. But every now and then he'd catch a coworker cozying up to some rich bitch, and he knew something was up. Those of you who have been to fancy restaurants and clubs have all seen them - the young guy getting mauled by the older couger.

Rob said you NEVER offered "services" to anyone. The customer had to initiate it first, and she HAD to have a referral before the masseur would even discuss it. So if a woman casually said "Darla said you'd take care of me" then he knew it was OK to start negotiating. However, if she said "I heard I could get taken care of here" then they would play dumb and deny eveything.

Now before you all start enrolling in massage school and moving up to Canada, let me tell ya that it wasn't all fun and games. Since they had worked up this secret referral system, the guys pretty much had to cater to anyone who used it - else they risked being exposed to the management and losing their jobs. This meant that any woman with the proper "referrals" had to be serviced - no matter what she looked like. Ewww.

I asked about the money and he said that they were "taken care of" - whatever that means. Well, it was enough for him to keep doing it for a couple of years! It couldn't have been too bad because it turns out that he saved enough to quit the business and go back to school for nursing.

When Rob asked about me, I told him I was working at a Day Spa downtown, but Trina ended up at a massage parlor! Am I a bitch or what?


Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Art of the Facial

As you may have noticed, I finally changed my pic. Get used to it, because I'm not changing it again. It was taken a couple of years ago by an ex, and the bra reminded me of today's topic.

Now I kinda understand the appeal of the facial to guys. To begin with, men are just fascinated by their own cum. And I know that you guys enjoy shooting all over us girls as a way of marking your territory (I know - I do this for a living). I'm not knocking it, I'm just saying that I know you guys enjoy the visual of cum splashed breasts, asses and faces. So if some guy wants to pay extra to make a pretty mess, I usually don't mind.

I have to admit that I'm pretty good at making the most of a good cumshot. When a customer asks to cum on The Girls, I have a whole routine I do now. I have a special way of holding them up and out for a tempting target. I also make sexy little faces and say things like "coat me in that hot cum...", etc. And after he's done, I always make it a point to run my fingers through it and comment on what a "mess" he's made. Guys gobble that shit up.

But the facial is a whole step above all that. So, I've only offered it to a very small group of guys that I'm really comfortable with.

Now I know I've made that statement a hundred times before. BUT when it comes to semen on my face, I really really mean it. I have to be practically in love with you. I'm so serious about this that I've rarely agreed to facials with guys that I've dated.

It's not that I have an aversion to semen. I don't mind it's taste or smell. And if it's a boyfriends birthday, I'll even swallow! The problem is that most guys just can't aim. They shoot it all in your eyes, and let me tell you - that shit stings! And cum in the hair??? That shit doesn't come out easily and you pretty much have to jump in the shower. That's why I don't like doing them at work - it's just not worth the hassle no matter how much I'm offered. What's the point of a few extra bucks if I have to spend half an hour washing and drying my hair, or trying not to scare off customers with my "pink eye?"

With that said, I was particularly confused by this one guys request. About 3 years ago, I had this Regular back when EVERYONE was rich (remember those days?). We were seeing each other often, and his thing was lingerie. He would bring in something new each session. Usually it was things like lacey teddys, garters, etc. But this time he had brought just a plain white bra and panties - kinda like the one in the new picture.

It was a Sunday evening and we had the whole place to ourselves. Usually he took a 1 hour massage with me in the lingerie. We would normally finish with me kneeling before him while he stood up and jerked himself off on whatever he bought me. Then he'd take the freshly soiled lingerie home for his own future amusement.

But this particular evening, he said he wanted to " something different... I want to cum on your face." I said "sure" since it was the end of the shift and I had time to shower, and he was essentially just moving the target a few inches up on my anatomy. I was already familiar with the scent and feel of his cum on my skin, and he had even splattered my chin and neck a few times by "accident" in the past.

Now here is the part that I want you guys out there to explain to me...

"But" he said, "I don't want you to clean it up immediately." I gave him a weird look. "I want you to just wear it for a bit. Walk around and stuff for a few minutes."

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay. I totally didn't get it but hey, whatever floats your boat. He then proceeded to take care of himself and he shot a rather watery load all over my lips, cheeks and chin.

When he was done, I opened my eyes and asked "can I move now?" only it came out as " I ooove ow?" since I was doing my best not to let it ooze between my lips. I spit a few times till I could open my mouth, then I got up and starting cleaning up the room and putting things away. He started throwing his clothes back on, just as if everything was normal.

When I was done, I asked if I could clean up now, and he said "No, I want you to walk to the office and back. Then you can clean yourself off." So I did, and he followed me. I even took an extra minute back there to check some paperwork, being careful not to leave any stains on the desk.

By now, the bra had taken the brunt of the dripping semen which I'm guessing is what he wanted. But my question to all of you out there is what's the deal of me wearing his jizz for a while when he could have just cum directly on the bra? I'm guessing it's a humiliation or power trip thing, but he totally did not act the part and that's why I'm confused.

So there you have it - a facial story, a new picture, and a puzzle to figure out. This should keep you guys busy this weekend.


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Business As Usual

Well, the repair work is mostly done and we're up and running again. The place smells a bit like paint, but I have to admit that I like the new color of my room.

Audrey did end up changing the floor plan slightly. Trina and I still have showers in our rooms but now they share the same set of pipes. And the shower was removed from the storage room since no one ever used it.

But I think the biggest and perhaps smartest difference is that Audrey took my advice and changed the room shapes to accommodate tanning booths in the future. The idea is that if and when we decide to hang up the massage oil bottles, we can convert over to a tanning salon with minimum remodeling. And in the meanwhile, we can add another booth whenever we want.

Audrey and I had a good talk recently about the future of The Business - in light of the recent water disaster, and the closing of the local AMPs. She knows I want to eventually open my own tanning place, and I know she wants to retire soon. So if she ever decided to retire and let me take over, this place could be converted to 100% legit in no time.

My dream business would be both massage and tanning - with 2 different entrances so the massage customers would still have their privacy. That way the real bread-and-butter money would come from tanning, but I'd still get to pocket a wad of cash each week doing massages for Regulars only. THAT would be a dream job!!!

Now before you guys all go into a panic about me converting this blog to "Confessions of a Tanning Salon Attendant" - it's just idol chit chat right now. These hands still have another couple of years of HJs still left in them. But could you imagine...?

"... had to replace a couple light bulbs in Booth 3 today... "
"Trina spilled a bottle of lotion on the carpet..."
"Mrs. Green fell asleep in the room - AGAIN."

How boring would THAT be?


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Titty Fight

In keeping with the tradition of Half Nekkid Thursday, here is the final pic in the infamous "Road To A Titty Fight" series.

In our last episode, Cindy and I had been "encouraged" or "persuaded" to compare The Girls to each other. A face-off, you could say. Heck, after a couple of beers it doesn't take much to get me to give The Girls a bit of fresh air.

In my corner were The Girls weighing in at an all natural 34 D. In Cindy's corner were Da Girls weighing in at an artificially and hormonally enhanced 34 C (yes - she was already a couple months pregnant and drinking, but the baby's fine so I don't want to hear it).

Personally, I think it was a tie. Ron thought I won, but I think he was hoping I'd have a few more beers in celebration with him. What do you guys think?


p.s. I know I'm going to get a lot of complaints about how small the picture is and that I'm not showing any nipple. But hey - beggers can't be choosers. And enjoy it now because I'm replacing it next week with something more conservative that will be my permanent photo. But at least I can say that I put my money where my mouth is!!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Freak of the Week - The Couple

Work has finally started on the torn up rooms. This means that we're back to an evening schedule for the rest of the week. The guys will have the place to themselves in the mornings, and the girls will have it in the afternoons.

Yesterday was weird because I came in at 2:00 and the guys were supposed to be completely gone. Instead, there were like 5 men just sort of lingering around pretending to be cleaning up. You could tell they were trying to check us out as we came in for work, so I reminded Audrey that not a single customer will walk through that door as long as they were here. She finally said something to their supervisor and they were gone 10 minutes later.

Massage Parlor Rule #7 - never let the customers see other guys.

I hid in the office until they left. Every minute they're here after 2:00 is a waste of my time. It wasn't until about 3:00 that we were finally able to open. I was pissed and told Audrey so. She promised it wouldn't happen again.

But I won't complain too much since I did pretty well over the weekend. Everyone came in to make up for the loss of work last weekend. It was funny - so many guys were worried about us that Saturday and Sunday became a sort of homecoming. I'd say business was almost double that of a regular weekend, despite the bad weather.

But my most interesting session wasn't with an overly concerned Regular. I had my first couple! Well technically second, but the first where the girl wanted to get involved.

They were a pretty good looking couple in their late 20's I'd say. And it was obvious from the beginning that they were still in the honeymoon stage and totally obsessed with each other. An erotic massage was the girlfriends idea for a birthday gift for her man. She insisted on watching and I think it was partly for the turn-on and partly to make sure he didn't get more than a hand job.

Now I mentioned that they were obsessed with each other, right? The girl practically shadowed me from the moment I entered the room. I explained the options and she offered to pay for a topless which more than made her boyfriend happy. She made me a little nervous and annoyed with the hovering, so I made sure that I did a professional job with the massage to make her feel like she was getting her moneys worth.

The boyfriend notably kept his hands to himself during all this. I think she would have chopped them off if he tried to touch me. Hey - I wasn't complaining. The two of them were doing some sort of lovey-dovey baby talk while I was doing my thing, so I kept it quiet and just described what I was going to do before it did it - just so there were no surprises.

Then when it came time for the happy ending, I let her know directly what I was about to do, and she nodded her agreement. So I grabbed the bottle of oil from the warmer and lubed my hands up. As I started to work his shaft, I noticed that he got quiet and tensed up as if he shouldn't be enjoying himself at the hands of another woman.

Then I noticed that she got quiet too - as if he shouldn't be enjoying himself at the hands of another woman. This is when she asked if she could "help." I said "no" since the double handjob is really awkward for the guy and I could probably finish him off quicker than she could (I'm a professional).

Then she got weirder. "What do you do with the cum? I mean, shouldn't he be wearing a condom or something?" I think I may have paused mid tug on that one since it's probably the oddest thing anyone has ever asked me in session. I wanted to tell her that we collect it in test tubes and sell it to blackmarket sperm banks, but instead I said I usually let it shoot on the guy's belly and then I wipe it up with a towel.

I guess this treatment wasn't nearly good enough for HER man's precious seed because she still looked uneasy. So then she got even more weirder. "Can he cum in my mouth?"

Now when you read this, it appears as if she's just this kinky bitch who loves pleasing her man. BUT... the way she looked and sounded when she asked told a different story. I swear to you guys - I totally got the feeling that this girl really didn't want me touching this guys semen. His dick in my hands was pushing the limits, but his man-essence? Forget it!!!

It takes A LOT to weird me out nowadays, so I took it in stride. I decided to take control of this session back from psycho girl so I get this over with quickly. "Fine," I ordered, "Go over there and lay your head right here on his stomach." She walked obediently to the other side of the table. "I'm going to aim him directly into your mouth and he's going to tell you when he's cumming."

I think they were both relieved by this solution because she smiled and he got noticeably harder in my left hand. I continued to work him up and down, only at a steeper angle that pointed the head of his dick towards her open mouth. Finally, the boyfriend started to moan and she inched her tongue to within about an inch of his cock. He moved his hands up to the back of her head and said "Now baby, now!"

I expected her to open her mouth and just let it shoot in, but instead she actually grabbed his dick out of my oily hand and then totally deep throated him - oil and all. I pulled my hands back just so they wouldn't get sucked in too. He made some sort of growling noises for about a minute while she continued to aggresively blow him.

And the weirdest part out of all the weirdness that happened just now was my initial reaction. Now you guys out there know that I actually enjoy watching a man cum. Those little jets of semen are my proof of a job well done. Well, when this overly protective girl pushed my hand out of the way and took over the happy ending, I actually felt a small pang of jealousy.

Not that it had anything to do with an attachment to the guy. It was totally about me doing my job. My first thought was "Hey bitch! I did that - not you!" I know that makes me sound nutty as well, and you may not believe it but that was how I felt.

What can I say? I take pride in my work and I felt like she was taking credit for it. Next time I get a couple, I'm making her do all the work while I supervise. And I'll probably charge extra.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Dude are you serious?

I usually let people say whatever they want to in the comments - even if it pisses me off. It just makes things more lively. I think I've deleted maybe 3 comments since I started doing this, and that was because they were advertisements of some kind.

I figure that if someone says something particularly nasty about me, it gives me an opportunity to be nasty right back. But for the most part, everyone here has been nice. I've found that when someone says an insulting comment, it's usually based on ignorance. That gives me a chance to re-educate some of the more naive people out there about The Business.

For example, I used to get a lot of comments from guys who thought massage parlors were the same as brothels. I used to get angry, but later I used it as an opportunity to explain that not all parlors are full service, and not all masseuses are full service.

What I'm trying to do here is let people know what really goes on behind those session doors. And hopefully they'll walk away knowing that it's really not as bad as you think. What I get a kick out of is hearing some guy tried a parlor for the first time and that my advice made him feel comfortable enough to give it a go. To me, that's the biggest compliment I can get.

As for you guys that get into it with each other, I don't mind that either. It sometimes brings up some interesting topics that I can talk about later on. I think one of you guys summed it up best when he said that if I deleted everything that wasn't nice, the only comment left would be "Hey CJ Ur tits r kickin - when can icu?"

And if that ain't a compliment, I don't know what is.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Freak of the Week - Bob The Builder

This has been like the weirdest week. We got flooded. The Business is half torn apart. Audrey is up to her old bullshit again. And all the freaks have come out of hiding. It must be a full moon.

Let me make this quick. We were closed over the weekend while the workers removed all the affected carpeting and walls. Now all that's left is a giant tarp covering up half our space. Inside it's just bare concrete, wires and pipes.

So what is it exactly about bare concrete, wires and pipes that turns guys on? Monday was my first full working day since the flood and EVERY customer made a comment about wanting to do a session behind the tarp. There's just something about construction work that turns guys on. At first it was funny. Then it was annoying.

Then there's Bob.

Bob actually put the money where his mouth is. He was my last customer last night and I swear, he would not shut up about the construction. You know how guys get when they're in "man" mode - he stood there with his hands on his hips asking technical questions and making suggestions about how we could improve things. Meanwhile, I was in "girl" mode and was trying to lure him into session so I could get the heck home on time.

I knew what he was going to say and he finally did. "Hey - can we do it right here?"

"Sure Bob. Just whip it out right here and I'll take care of you."

So he did. Now normally, I would have just grabbed him by his dick and dragged him into my room. And if he were a newbie, I would have kicked him out without waiting for him to zip up. But Bob's a Regular, the place was empty, I was tired, and I figured we could make this quick.

I led him over to where my room used to be. The shower stall is still there, but the wall behind it is gone. I told him to "get comfortable" while I ran across the hall to get some warm oil. When I came back, he was standing there with his shirt on and no pants. I don't care if you're Brad Pitt - that's always an unattractive look for guys.

I led him to my shower stall (or what was left of it) thinking this will make for easy clean up. Bob normally takes a G-string, so I pulled off my hoodie and put it on the ground. Then with my bra still on, I knelt down on the hoodie and started to work his cock gently without oil. Bob prefers the "striptease" so I usually undress at various points during the massage.

I think the whole kinkyness of it was getting to him because he got excited a lot quicker than usual. Normally I can get him semi-erect with my hands dry, then I switch to oil, but tonight he went from zero to 60 without much effort from me. Heck, I think he was looking more at the water pipes than he was at the girls.

But now that he was good to go, I realized how awkward it was going to be to oil him up before I was undressed since I wasn't surrounded by towels and sheets. So I decided to improvise. Instead of lubing him up with oil, I spit on his cock.

When I did that, his eyes got really wide. "Holy shit girl! That's hot. Keep doing that..."

And I thought I was just being lazy.

I sped up the pumping motion with my left hand and started to massage his balls with my right. Then I stopped and spit on him again, only this time I made it a point to spit on the head and let it drip for a second so he could enjoy the show. Bob moaned for a few seconds, then I started working him again.

This is great, I thought. He doesn't even care that I'm still in my bra. I knew he didn't have much longer to go, so I started pointing him towards the shower stall. Bob is a "director" so he always tells me exactly what to do to finish him off.

"Just like that girl... Oh yeah... Now spit on it again but don't stop..." He looked up. Either he was about to cum, or he was turned on by the bare heating duct. "... now faster... faster... that's it..."

Bob let out a really loud groan that kinda carried in the hollowed out space. His cum shot neatly into the shower stall, just like I had planned. I continued to stroke him slowly until he quieted down. Then he looked at me and gave me a big grin.

I lifted my left hand, which was dripping with semen and stuck my tongue out like I was going to lick it off. Bob was in no condition to be teased any further, so I just smiled at him and then grabbed the towel.

As I imagined, clean up was really easy. And I had managed to complete an entire session in a third of the time while sending Bob home in a good mood. He even tipped me a couple bucks extra!

So I was able to go home finally - also in a good mood. I really needed the pick me up because I lost out on work for a few days and discovered just this morning that Audrey actually kept appointments over the weekend. I almost flipped out when I heard that from Cindy. Fucking bitch keeps her own appointments, but tells us to go home.

But I feel better now. It looks like The Business will operate with half the rooms gone for now until the insurance crap is settled and the work begins. Meanwhile a massage table was moved into the tanning room and we're all going to share 2 rooms.

I'll live, but I miss my room.


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Disaster Update

Hey guys!

Just a quick update on what's going on (don't you like it when I have nothing better to do?).

Audrey got a BUNCH of guys in here yesterday to rip up the carpet and most of the affected walls. It looks like shit, but at least we can open up again. I guess it's going to stay this way for a few days till we figure out what insurance is going to cover, and how we want to redo the place. You guys had the right idea of taking this as an opportunity to remodel.

Right now each room has a shower stall, but Audrey is concerned about the quality of the pipes in all of them. So she might remove some of the stalls and replace them with tanning booths. I know that sounds really weird, but you would be surprised at the number of guys (and occasional girl) who use the 1 booth we have. I tell ya, ever since this whole metro-sexual fad got started, more and more guys tan.

Funny how it never rains, but it pours. It feels like the phone has been ringing off the hook ever since we had to close. Regulars I haven't heard from in ages all of a sudden wanted appointments this weekend. And Audrey said she lost track of the number of cars that pulled up front, drove past real slow, then took off. Whatever. I'm going to try not to get upset over it.

Anyway, I've actually appreciated having a few days off. Maybe now I won't be so irritable when I write. Who knows - maybe next week I'll have some stories about how Audrey "pays off" the contractors! LOL


Friday, October 9, 2009

Half Naked Friday

Since this week has been so stressful and the blog has gotten so down, I decided to end the week on a high note. So here is the next pic in "Road To A Titty Fight" series. This pic was taken earlier this year. It was right after work, and Cindy and I went to Trina's place to have some drinks and relax.

Here's the background: after a few beers, we started talking about the blog and thought it might be fun to finally get a better pic for my profile. Trina fumbled around for a pair for dark sunglasses and I posed for a few pics taken on my cell phone.

I posed for a few pics, then Cindy joined me. Trina wanted nothing to do with it, but after a few more beers, she jumped in. Trina had her friend "Ron" over, so we let him take the camera. This is when today's pic was taken.

A couple more beers later and Ron suggests we flash the camera. "Hey! They won't know who you are with the sunglasses on!"

Remember, we were drinking.

Anyway, we were hesitant at first, but then tops started getting pulled up and Ron more than encouraged us. In fact, he even got Trina to flash the camera once.

Remember, we were drinking.

Right about here, somebody said something brilliant like "Who has the biggest tits?" I suspect it was the guy.

Well, tops got pulled up again and a few more pics later Cindy and I were mashing our breasts together. Meanwhile, Trina was laughing her ass off and our happy little photographer was clicking away with my phone.

Needless to say, all of the photos were funny, but none of them were suitable for use on the internet. A few I texted to friends, and that was the end of them. I just kinda forgot about them until you guys started making a fuss a couple months ago.

I tried my best to edit them so they were safe to post. I REALLY had to cut out Trina in order to get her permission. Cindy didn't care so much. Besides, I think she likes showing off her girls.

So enjoy these while you can. I'll be replacing them next week with the now infamous "titty fight" shot.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Disaster Update

Ugh. What a night. So here's what happened...

Apparently a fitting on the shower in room 2 burst open sometime in the morning. It was inside the wall, so water did not spray over the room like Audrey first said. Instead, it seeped all over that half of The Business. Trina's room, my room, the storage room and the hallway were all soaked.

When I got there yesterday, there were like 5 guys plus the landlord running around fixing things. 2 years ago when my toilet exploded, I had to wait a day for one guy to show up. I have to admit one thing about Audrey - she has connections. She was besides herself, so I tried my best to calm her down. I agreed that there was no way we could do business with all that activity going on.

After the pipe was fixed and most of the water was removed, a guy showed up to give an estimate on repairing the damage. The one wall was totally ripped apart by the plumbers, and the carpets were a mess. None of the furniture seemed to be damaged but everything kinda smells funny now. Luckily, the water didn't reach the office or the tanning room. We have a $5000 tanning booth sitting directly across the hall from where the leak was.

According to the guy, the wall where the shower is has to be completely replaced. All the carpet in the 3 rooms has to be ripped up. And parts of my wall may have to go too.

Audrey can't afford to shut down completely for a week, but we also can't operate while they're doing the work (apparently you guys can't seem to get it up when you hear the chattering of Mexican guys painting outside the door). So for now we're all gonna share the remaining 2 rooms. We'll push opening from 11 to noon, and Audrey will let the contractors work in the mornings.

But for today, Audrey doesn't want me to come in till the bad carpeting is ripped up, so I'm looking at an evening shift instead of a day. Oh well, not like I make that much money on a Thursday anyway.

BTW - I like how so few people cared that The Business got flooded, but instead they're going at it in the comments of my last post. Thanks for the sympathy guys!!!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Audrey called me right after The Business opened at 11. She was crying. Apparently a pipe exploded in the shower stall in Cindy's room, which is right next to my room. Water everywhere. She said it looks like it was gushing for a couple hours because there was water all over Cindy's room, my room, the storage room and the hallway.

I normally work Wednesday nights, but Audrey said there was no way we were opening up today. So I'm going to work right now to give her some moral support and see how bad it really is.

I'll give you guys an update tonight since it looks like I won't be working.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Monday Night Football brought to you by HappyEndingz! - and other reasons why handjobs should be legal

You want to know what I think about all this nonsense about police raids and legalization and AMPs and stuff? Personally I think they should shut down ALL full service parlors, AMPs and brothels. That's right - ALL the full service places. From my experience around here, those places are all nasty, the girls are dirty, and they bring crime to their neighborhoods. There, I said it.

Am I being a hypocrite? No - I also think that whatever 2 consenting adults decide to do with each other for money is no one's business. So I'm actually OK with the whole escort thing. It's the full-service places I have a problem with.

You see once a place goes full service, it stops being about massage and starts becoming a brothel. Then the place stops hiring masseuses and starts hiring dirty girls with VD and drug problems (or if you're an AMP, you bring in the slaves). And before you know it, 3 people get shot in the parking lot over a crack deal gone bad. THAT is what happens when a massage parlor turns into a brothel. I don't have a problem with a guy paying for a blowjob - I have a problem with the drugs and violence that full-service places bring to a neighborhood.

As for handjob-only places - I think they should be legalized. We keep our businesses clean. We do our best NOT to hire druggies. And the only thing I'm a slave too is chocolate.

Yes - there are AMPs out there that are not worked by slaves and run by the mob, but the ones I've seen around here are. I've been in this business for a long time and I've seen dozens and dozens of girls come and go - but I have NEVER worked with an Asian girl who came from one of the local AMPs. NEVER.

Don't you think that at SOME time during my illustrious career, a girl from one of the AMPs would have come over to one of the other places looking for a better job? I know for a fact that we make more money because customers tell us what they tip at the AMPs. Our Business is much cleaner looking. We're not located in a ghetto. And heck - we even have health insurance!!!!!!

So please stop thinking that it's just an amazing coincidence that 99% of the Asian girls in The Valley have chosen to live together in a converted garage next to the train tracks.

And thats what I think. I mean, if the full-service places were regulated, kept clean, and didn't attract drug dealers and stuff, then I might feel different. I know it works in Nevada, but that's the reality here in SE PA.

And if HJ only places were legal - think about what our advertisements could say!


p.s. Come up with some catchy slogans!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sayonara Suckers

Let me tell ya - the shutdown of those Asian places has been the main topic around here for the last few days. I mean as far as we're concerned, it can be good and bad. Good in that we'll eventually get some of their customers, but bad in that it'll scare off everyone from all parlors until it all blows over.

Did I know the places in the article? Kinda. One of them I've driven by and the other I've heard about. Let me tell ya - they all fit a type of mold. It's always a low rent, hidden kinda place like an old house in a bad part of town. What these mob guys do is find a place they can get for almost nothing to set up shop. Then they throw in a couple of beds (not massage tables), a "table shower," and finally some high-security doors and they're in business.

How do I know? I've been talking to the customers about it all week. I'm a little surprised at how many guys have actually tried an Asian place at least once. But the stories are all the same.

For example, I knew that their typical sessions are different from ours - but now I have a better understanding of why. At the AMPs, the sessions start off with a "table shower" then move to an actual bedroom. No massage tables - that would be too expensive. They just use regular beds for the massage and happy ending. Then some of the places offer clothing options, some don't. Odd thing is that I've heard that the massages can be pretty good. Anyway, after the massage, the girls may then offer options.

This is where it really departs from what we do... The guys will take the money and leave it on a table - THE GIRL DOES NOT TOUCH IT. She leaves the room, usually to get a condom, and ANOTHER woman comes in to collect the money. I remember guys telling me this and it made no sense to me before. After reading that article, I realize it's because the girls NEVER GOT THE MONEY. It makes perfect sense now. At first I was guessing that it was some weird legal thing to separate the exchange of cash from the happy ending, but now I know the truth.

Then the girl comes back in and performs whatever happy ending the guy paid for, then sends him on his way. Now this routine may differ in other parts of the country, but this is pretty much what guys around here have told me.

Someone asked if this is typical of Asian places only, and now I know it's not. There are so-called "European" massage parlors that have fresh-off-the-boat Russian girls. I know they have them in NYC, but none around here.

Customers have told me they're pretty much the same routine as the Asian places in that the girls actually live inside the business and aren't allowed to handle the money.

So how do you identify a place thats run by the mafia and uses unwilling girls who are little more than sex slaves? Well, the first hint is a giant, locked and barred security door covered with Police Brotherhood Assocation stickers. That security door may be more about keeping the girls in than keeping the cops out. And the PBA stickers have no meaning, I mean anyone can get them and I don't want to go around saying that the cops condone this sort of thing.

Am I worried about us at The Business? Nah. These raids are a "feel good" PR campaign right before the local elections next month. Happens like clockwork in the fall - just like the roads getting repaved. "Re-Elect Mayor Douchbag - he's tough on crime!"

There's nothing to gain by bothering us because we fly below the radar. Raid an AMP and you get piles of cash, condoms, 3 tatooed henchmen, and 8 bewildered girls who are unaccustomed to sunlight blinking for the cameras. Raid a local parlor and all you'll get is some dirty sheets, a couple aromatherapy candles and 3 very pissed off girls.


Monday, September 28, 2009

ANOTHER Reason To Boycott Asian Massage Parlors

As most of you know, I'm totally against the Asian massage parlors (AMP) because they're basically just fronts for the mob. These are not happy little women practicing an "ancient chinese secret" for massage, and this is NOT a normal way of life for them.

Below is an article from the local newspaper about the recent police raids on 2 of the AMPs in my neck of the woods. I don't normally post other peoples stuff, but this thing just made my blood run cold and I wanted all you guys out there to read it.


Sex slavery in Berks County massage parlors
South Korean women are brought into the country and forced into prostitution at massage parlors here, according to investigators trying to crack down on the practice.

There is slavery in Berks County.

They're sex slaves, working in massage parlors that are fronts for prostitution.

And the sex slave trade has prompted investigations leading to a series of raids on area Asian massage parlors in the past few months, according to the lawmen involved.

One federal investigator, an expert in Asian crime organizations, said several such gangs have been operating about a dozen Asian massage parlors as fronts for prostitution in Berks.

The investigator, who requested anonymity, said the local sex slave operations were controlled by South Korean organized crime rings operating out of the Flushing section of Queens, N.Y.

"This is modern-day slavery," the investigator said. "If people knew what goes on in these places and what is behind them, they would be outraged."

According to federal investigators:

Many of the women who work in these massage parlors were tricked and coerced into working as prostitutes.

They typically come from an impoverished region of South Korea and most have only a basic education and few economic prospects.

Criminals lure them with promises of legitimate jobs in the United States and quick cash.

The rings charge the women or their families about $25,000 to smuggle them into the United States from Korea. Often smugglers themselves will loan them the fee at outrageous interest rates.

The slavers typically fly the women through rogue nations such as Libya and often bring them across the Mexican border using passports purchased or stolen from South Koreans who are in the U.S. on legitimate tourist visas.

Tourists who sell their passports to slavers report the documents stolen a few days later and get new ones to return home.

Once in the U.S., the sex slaves are shuttled to Flushing, home to the nation's largest South Korean community.

The women are sent to work in massage parlors in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and other nearby states.

When the women arrive in Berks County, they are told they owe the driver $500 for the trip from New York.

Older South Korean women who run the parlors typically offer to pay for the ride, making the women indebted to them.

The older manager, or madam, then explains how the business works. The madam arranges for room and board and deducts those costs from any tips the slaves make from having sex with customers.

The ring maintains its hold over these women by keeping them in debt.

Slavers take the women's passports and identification. The women are told that if they are discovered, they will be thrown in jail and deported and will still owe the ring the $25,000 loan for bringing them to the U.S. in the first place.

The women have sex with a dozen or more men a day, and at the end of the week - after paying for their room and board and interest on the smugglers loan - end up with nothing or only a small amount, perhaps $80.

The rings move the women around frequently. This keeps them from forming bonds with other sex slaves and makes them easier to control.

The women often have a small child or other family back in South Korea, whom the criminals can use to threaten an uncooperative sex slave.

The slavers also use sleep deprivation to make the women easier to control.

Berks County District Attorney John T. Adams said his office is committed to investigating any complaints of suspected prostitution, adding that it is difficult to investigate because workers typically won't cooperate.

"When we receive complaints about those types of establishments, we investigate," Adams said. "I can't comment on which of these places are legitimate and which are not."

Adams said his office will continue to work with federal investigators looking into possible ties to organized crime.

"We are concerned that this is part of a larger ring," he said. "However, we have not received cooperation from the workers, and it is difficult to determine what is going on.

"We suspect that there is much more behind these businesses and we will continue to work with federal authorities in these matters."

The problem with human trafficking and sexual exploitation goes beyond South Korea, according to federal investigators.

Chinese gangs typically operate their rings in big cities with large Chinese populations. Chinese workers in restaurants, garment shops and elsewhere are their customers.
Mexican gangs operate prostitution rings in communities with large populations of migrant workers.

And the list goes on.

Kevin Bales, an expert in slave trafficking and president of the Washington-based nonprofit group Free The Slaves, said human trafficking from South Korea to the U.S. really picked up in the past 10 to 15 years.

Officials from the South Korean Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.

Investigators said people from all walks of life are customers of the Asian massage parlors.

"I've talked to people who patronize these businesses and I have asked them why they go there," a federal agent recalled. "One guy said something that really struck me.

"He said he sees the women in the massage parlor as less than human because they do not look like his wife, or his sister, or his mother.

"But they are mothers, sisters and children. And they don't have the option to leave."

Reading Criminal Investigator Pasquale Leporace of the vice and narcotics division said he has worked on four massage parlor cases, and he believes law enforcement has done a good job keeping the places from operating in Reading.

"I don't know of any that are currently open in the city," Leporace said. "If they do pop up again, we will act on it quickly."