Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The rumors of my arrest have been greatly exaggerated

Hey guys. Long time no hear? I'm sorry about that, but I can explain. No, I haven't been arrested, I'm not dead, not bored of the blog, or discovered by an overzealous reader. The funny thing is that I still check the comments and email regularly, I just haven't had the time or the motivation to post. Let me explain.

Yours truly, CJ, is getting laid.

And I never realized how distracting that can be! And I don't mean in the "let's fuck each others brains out till the cows come home" kinda way. I mean the fact that I no longer have any alone time anymore.

For example, I actually have a pretty good freak of the week story I've been working on for almost a month now. The problem is that every time I think I have a free moment to write, Derek is around. And it's not like he's luring me away from my computer with tender kisses on my neck or anything. It's more like he needs something like a little boy. So when I'm trying to get into the right frame of mind to describe a particularly erotic scene, it's easy to get distracted...

John's breath was quickening as I stroked his hard cock with both my hands in a twisting motion. His hand moved from my ass and reached up to cup my breast. Fingers found my nipple and I...

"Hey! do you have any potato chips around here?"

That kind of interruption kinda throws you off your stride. And so I've been averaging 4 sentences a night for weeks now. Do you know how frustrating that is?! And talk about a mood killer. And that doesn't even include the times I have to hit save or close the window so no one can see what I'm doing.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm loving the fact that I'm getting it on a regular basis again. Shit, it's been like 3 years since I've had a steady thing. And the honeymoon phase is still going strong. So please don't bother me just yet with annoying questions about whether I'm going to confess "everything" to him. I'm sure I'll fill you guys in when it gets to that point and I don't feel like discussing it before then.

So where did I find the time and motivation tonight? I have a cold and there's nothing more motivating than a box full of tissues, an overdose of cough medicine and bad late night TV. Meanwhile Derek is cowering at his place. He's kind of a germaphobe. Isn't that ironic? A germophobe and an erotic massage therapist. If he only knew...

I promise to get my FOTW post up here as soon as possible. Now why didn't I just finish it instead of explaining why I'm not finishing it? Because a runny nose, headache and chills don't create the mood either. But it's the perfect mood when you want to bitch about something!


Friday, February 4, 2011

Confessions Of An Erotic Writer

After sitting around for several uneventful hours at work during a snow storm, I have decided to write a book. It's an action story about this girl who works as a tough-as-nails cop by day, and a high-end masseuse at night. I'm going to call it "Licensed To Thrill."

I got the idea from a guy who once asked me if I was secretly a cop trying to entrap customers. So my heroine "Aurora Sparks" is a high-priced masseuse at night, servicing the rich and powerful, including corrupt politicians, mob bosses, and drug kingpins. She gains their trust and gets secrets from them. Then during the day, she uses this information to bust them as detective "Melanie Sands."

So whadya think - would you read it? How about the Hollywood blockbuster starring Angelina Jolie as Aurora/Melanie? I would have that bearded guy from The Hangover Zach Galifianakis as her bumbling partner who's totally suspicious of where Melanie gets all her tips. I would totally see that in the theater.

This is what my brain gets up to when I'm stranded at work in a snow storm with nothing to do. Of course I could have been coming up with something for the blog, but I got totally carried away with this instead. And it didn't help that the only DVD we had lying around was a copy of The Hangover.

OK, back to handjob stories next week. Sorry.