Thursday, October 30, 2008

The "Extras"

You're not gonna believe this one... I was working with Rose the other night - just chilling in the back office watching some gory documentary about the Detroit ER room on the Discovery Channel - when I hear the pitter-patter of naked feet coming down the hall.

There was Rose, wrapped only in a towel. I know she's a newbie, but now what?

"Uh CJ... I got a really weird question for you."

I sent Rose into session about a half hour ago with a Regular I trust, so she must have been almost finished. She's obviously not upset, so I assume nothing is wrong. So by a "weird" question for me, I guess she means she just got a weird question herself. "What's wrong Rose?" I ask in a why are you interrupting my favorite show tone of voice.

"That guy you gave me... Well, he asked me to do something really weird, and I wasn't sure if it was allowed or not." She looked down at her feet. "I mean, normally I would have just said 'no' but he offered me like A LOT of cash to do it." Now she looked up at me all embarrased. "I just wanted to see what you'd do" she asked hopefully.

Wow. A moral dilemma that she actually wants my help with? I feel so wise all of a sudden. I'm wondering what it is since she's already performed a few "extras" including a Double and nipple play. "What... Did Ronnie ask you to blow him? He knows the rules, so if he did I'll throw his ass out right now." I was serious! I don't need this shit - at least not on my shift.

"No, it was nothing like that. We were like right at the ending when I asked him to relax and close his eyes just like you told me to do. That's when he asks if I'd mind doing a 'thigh release.' I was like 'What is that?' and he was like 'Get on all fours and I slide it in between your legs.' And I was like 'uhhhhhh... I don't think so!' And he was like 'I'll pay you $200.' And that was when I decided to come ask you."

Talking to Rose is like pulling teeth. I hope I captured some of that here. Anyway, I told her it was fine if she's comfortable with it, and no - it's not sex if he slides it in between her thighs. Actually I was feeling a bit put off since Good Old Ronnie hasn't asked me for a thigh release in ages.

When they were done, I sat Rose down and explained the "birds and bees" of the extras. Girls wandering the hallways in towels to ask me questions isn't good for business. So here is a beginners guide to "Extras" or the variations to the happy ending. And remember - anything above and beyond the hand release costs ya extra.

Breast Release
Basically titty fucking. My technique involves the guy lubing up his own dick while he sits on the edge of the table. Then I lean over him while cupping The Girls with my hands. Since my hands are dry, I can control them better while I work them up and down over his shaft. A variation of this involves me lying on my back, or in a chair, while the guy stands or leans over me. In this position, he does all the work. I prefer the one where he lies down since I won't end up with a load of semen in my hair.

Butt Release
Here the guy's dick is rubbed in between the ass cheeks. I've also heard this called an 'Italian' I think. Anyway, the first time I was asked about this, I was a tender young newbie. Hell, I thought he wanted anal until he explained it to me. My very first reaction to this concept was "Ewwwwwwwwww... won't you get shit all over it?" The wad of cash he showed me convinced me it was quite sanitary and perfectly normal. The guy usually finishes on the ass or back.

Thigh Release
While bent over and legs together, the guy humps in between the thighs from behind. A variation I'll do is me on my back while he lies on top and pretends like we're fucking. Needless to say, the 2nd variation I will only do with guys I'm really comfortable with. Good breath helps too. In this position, he'll usually finish on my stomach or breasts.

Dog Humper
The guy basically dry humps the lower leg. Also called 'leg humping.' Usually ends with the guy finishing on your calf or foot. Another variation is the guy humping the back of the thigh. Guys especially like this when you have a nice muscular back where you can see the dimples on either side of the coccyx (yes, I'm rather proud of my backside). In this case the guy almost always insists on finishing on my back.

Foot Release
Self explanatory. Stick it in between the feet and hump away. I get a LOT of these. I normally charge an extra $80 just for the release, or $120 if they want to finish on my feet. Some guys will bring in pantyhose or thigh highs for me to wear (or in some cases, to tie around their pricks). Lingerie MUST be new with the tags, and I charge an extra $100 for wearing outfits.

Probably the weirdest one of these I got was a guy who brought pantyhose - but not for me to wear. He stuck them in his mouth while we did a standard foot release. When he finally came, I thought he was going to choke to death! And in case you were wondering, I didn't charge him extra for bringing lingerie.

Prostate Massage
In this extreme technique, you stick a finger up the guys ass and massage his prostate while jerking him off. I DO NOT DO THIS NOR WILL I EVER. But girls I've known who provide this can make mucho $$$. They wear rubber gloves and lube their finger up really good. Personally, that's just something I can do without.

However, when a customer brings in other assorted devices or paraphenilia to simulate my finger - then we'll talk! LOL Heck - I can do a whole talk just on strap-ons alone!

Hope this clears a few things up with you guys. Any questions?


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Another Day In Paradise

I got a request a little while ago to talk about a typical day. Well, it's not like I get a Freak of the Week all that often, so an average day is rather boring. But you asked for it, so here ya go.

The Business opens at 11. I usually leave early for work in case I need to buy cigs or breakfast. I pull into the parking lot around 10:45 and take a quick peek around the front to see if there's anyone waiting. I HATE it when customers are camped out.
The first thing I do in the door is check the thermostat since Audrey almost always forgets to check it before she leaves in the evening. Next, I turn on all the oil bottle warmers in each room and do a quick check to make sure the place is clean (we're supposed to vacuum and prep the rooms every night).

Then I check the answering machine... It's such a crapshoot what kinda messages you're gonna get. There are a lot of hang ups. Sometimes they're weirdos, but usually it's just a couple requests for appointments. While I'm at the front desk, I'll check the log for yesterday and see how business was.

If no one's waiting for a session, then I get to settle down in the office and start catching up on my stories. When you're stuck at work with hours between appointments, a girls best friends are the soaps, the Lifetime Channel, and the Discover Channel. I've watched so many shows on delivering babies that I could probably do it all by myself (hint - you really DON'T need to boil water).

Then the calls start...

"Uh yeah, I was wondering if Audrey's there"
"Do you guys have a girl working there named Fantasia?"

"Is this one of the THOSE places...?"

"What do you look like?"

"How much for just a blowjob?"

"Hi CJ! I'd like to make an appointment for 2:00"
FINALLY... something to look forward to. I average about 1 appointment per day, but more than likely I'll get a couple of walk ins. Half the time they're truckers...I love those guys. They're usually just 30 minutes, but they tend to tip well. Truckers know the proper massage parlor etiquette, and if it's payday I can usually count on a sweet tip. Plus, they always have the BEST stories!
I try to squeeze in lunch around 1-ish when business slows. Most guys who make appointments are Regulars so I'm actually looking forward to my 2pm. If I'm lucky, it's one of the nicer guys who always takes a mutual. That's my favorite kind of session because I can just relax and enjoy some decent company and a massage of my own.
I'll take the customer in the room and tell him to get comfortable. If I'm working by myself, I'll put the "Back in .... minutes" sign up and lock the front door. When I'm not alone, I'll just let the other girl know she has the phone and the desk. If the guys a Regular, I'll usually just assume which option he wants and undress accordingly. If he's a double, I'll immediately give him a hand release, so he'll have plenty of time to recover for the one later on. I like giving doubles because it calms the guy down and make him mellow for the rest of the session (and I get to pocket some extra $$$$).

During mutuals I prefer to go first. That way MY part of the massage isn't rushed! I know that sounds a little selfish but I figure he's paying to massage me so why should I disappoint him? Anyway, if he's not paying attention to the clock, I'll remind him that it's his turn within the last 10 or 15 minutes. I'll start the massage on my belly and have him work my shoulders and upper back. If he's any good at it, I'll let him work me hard since my shoulders almost always need it. I don't care much for lower back or legs, so I'll usually just have him work quickly towards my feet. If he's willing to do feet, I will let him go to town! I love foot massages so much that I've actually bartered extras and options with customers I know give good foot.
Then I'll flip over and let him work my legs a bit, but you, me, and everyone else out there knows that once I'm on my back, attention turns to The Girls. As long as I'm not PMSing and they don't ache, I'll let the customer take his time (as long as he's being gentle) with them. Since it's called a mutual "massage," that's all he's allowed to do. Nipple play costs extra, and I have to really trust you first.

When the session is over, the session is over. I almost NEVER go over time because phones need to be answered, customers could be waiting, or Audrey could be standing outside the door wondering why it's been an hour when the guy only paid for 45 minutes. So I tend to be very punctual about delivering that happy ending. My standing rule for the happy ending is 5 minutes, then you're on your own.
If the customer is cool enough, I'll often end up hanging out with him afterward so we can bullshit or smoke a cigarette. If he's a good friend, we might hang out in the office or go grab something to eat.

With the appointment over and the day shift coming to an end, I'll make sure my room is clean and the oil bottles are full before the turnover at 5:00. Apart from that there's not much else I need to do other than pass on any messages or appointments. When Trina and I are doing turnover, we always hang out extra so we can catch up on gossip. When it's with Audrey, we try to get the fuck outta there. When Audrey is working nights, she has this horrible habit of coming in an hour or two early to "work the desk" when in reality she's trying to take appointments and walk-ins away from us. Bitch.
And that's a regular day in the life of an Erotic Massage Therapist. Is it as glamorous as you would have guessed? LOL


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Crappy Day

I knew I was going to have a bad morning when I was greeted at work with this answering machine message:

........This is a message for Audrey. I think I got a rash on my balls. Thank you - you dirty whore. You fucking slut! You make me sick....... BEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I shoulda stayed home.

Anyways, in case you were wondering, my schedule has been totally turned upside down. That's why I haven't been writing as often as I used to. Since we hired Rose everyone decided it was time to take their vacations and divide up all the remaining shifts. So now I'm on a totally different routine and working shifts that were traditionally Audreys or Trinas.

It totally sucks.

First off, all my Regulars have been thrown off too. Guys have been showing up and Audrey is the first one to try to steal them... "Oh CJ's not here... why don't you let me take care of you?" At least Trina tells them the truth so they can reschedule with me. I've also been going through my phone list and trying to let everyone know my hours have changed. Blah.

Second, I'm now getting all of Audreys customers! Now you're probably thinking that it's only fair that I try to steal her customers. BUT - the difference is that I don't WANT any of her assholes. Remember that Audrey is kinda full-service (Semi-service? Quasi-service? Three Quarters - service?), so half these guys expect to finger me while the other half expect blow jobs. And ALL of them don't expect to pay full price!

So there I was... 2nd customer of the day, and it's one of Audreys Regulars. I had never had him before, so I reluctantly took him in session. Luckily he only wanted 30 minutes. But as soon as I get him in the room, I get this shit...

"Audrey only charges me $50 for a topless."

Fuck. Why do they always start with me? Since he's Audrey's Regular, I'm not supposed to turn him away, but I don't have to take his shit. Since I'm such a caring, giving person, I compromise. "That's fine. But you get a choice, either topless and no happy ending, or happy ending and keep the sweatshirt."

"You can't do that! I paid for that handjob!"

I looked at him calmly. I've heard this argument a hundred times before. "No, you didn't pay for a handjob - that would be prostitution. You paid for a massage. And it's up to me to do the end part, but only if I want to. And you know what? I don't want to." And with that I turned around and walked out of the room.

"I'll tell Audrey about this!" I heard behind me.

If I had a dollar for each time somebody said that to me, I'd be able to retire.


Friday, October 17, 2008

Massage 101

I got an interesting question the other day about whether I taught any "alternate" options to my new student Rose. By alternate, he meant things like breast releases, facials, etc. Well I usually leave that kinda stuff up to the girl. Either you know how to do "alternate" stuff already, or a helpful customer will be more than willing to teach you.

For example, I didn't know what a "Breast Release" was when I first started until a customer explained that it's the same as titty-fucking. And the good old "Butt Release" I learned from a customer who was more than eager to show me. Facials I knew about from porn movies, as well as two-handed handjobs. In fact, when I first realized there was more to hand jobs than the standard up, down repeat, I went out of my way to learn as many as possible.

Yesterday, Trina and I had a fun talk about the learning curve. "They certainly didn't teach us THAT in massage school!" was our joke of the day. So we came up with this curriculum for the Trina/CJ University for Advanced Erotic Massage Studies (and we thought our 3 semesters of community college were a waste!):

101: Basic Girlfriend Massage
102: Introduction to Hand Release
130: G-Strings Through the Ages

201: Therapeutic Massage
202: Advanced Hand Release
275: Just Say No: A Beginners Guide To Not Having Sex For Money

310: Massage Oils and Powders
311: Interior Design: How Not To Look Like a Brothel
350: How To Read A Clock for Dummies

402: Advanced Release Techniques: Breast, Butt, Thigh and Beyond
493: Accounting

And of course for the more serious students, there's always Erotic Massage Grad School:

501: Roll Playing
513: Introduction to Foot Worship
538: Advanced Lingerie
539: Advanced Lingerie Laboratory: Trip To Fredricks of Hollywood

601: Basics of Ball Busting
635: Psychosexual Ramifications of the Sugar Daddy - Sugar Baby Dynamic
665: How to Plan a 401K for Sex Workers

Of course, the only reason to go to grad school is if you plan on going into teaching. Can you imagine what the textbooks would look like? Old copies of Hustler magazine! LOL

The Trina/CJ University for Advanced Erotic Massage Studies is currently accepting applications. Look for our TV ad on the Lifetime channel immediately after the one for USA Trucking School, and right before the one for "How to Make Money From Home!"


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Trainee

Hey Guys!

Sorry it's been a while, but things have been busy here. Remember that we're looking for a new sucker... uh, I mean employee? Well, it looks like I may have found someone desperate enough to join us. She's an old friend of mine we'll call Rose. She's a friend of my family and I've known her since I was a kid.

Rose is in her late 30's, slim build, dark brown hair, and that olive colored skin that makes everyone think she's hispanic when she's really italian. She's led a fairly normal life up until now, but I guess she just needed a job. In fact, she was the one who actually asked me if we were hiring!

Now let me explain a little bit about my friends and family. Everyone knows that I'm a masseuse and that I give massages for a living. Family members think I still work in a Day Spa and rub down rich old ladies all day. Most of my friends know I work in a massage parlor, but don't know anything about parlors beyond the rumors and heresay. Rose was no exception.

She kinda had a vague idea of what I did for a living, so I had to question her just to make sure we were on the same page before I did anything to her that would require extensive psychiatric therapy to correct. Apparently she thought that I gave topless massages. I explained to her that she was mostly right, but... "Do you know about the end part?" She looked at me funny so I explained the Happy Ending to her. Luckily her funny expression didn't change any, so I took that as a good sign that she's not scared off yet. As a rule I don't like to explain the intimate details of my job to friends. If they all think I just give topless massages, that's just fine by me.

So I brought Rose along on my next day shift. Now if you guys remember, I had a slightly negative experience at my first day in a massage parlor. Needless to say, I would never do that to a new person, so over the years I've developed my own training routine. I called a Regular of mine, Danny, and asked him if he was interested in breaking in a trainee. He's done it for me before, so I know he's patient.

Danny showed up as scheduled and I demonstrated to Rose how we book in customers. I led him to the room and gave him the whole talk for Rose's benefit. I told him to make himself comfortable and we'd be back in a few minutes. I explained to Rose that this gives the customer time to disrobe while we finish booking him.

A couple minutes later we came back in the room. As I was about to explain our options, I noticed that Rose was already taking her shirt off. "Whoa there! That's next. First you have to ask the customer what option he wants."

"Sorry" she said in mid button.

We went over the options and the pricing. Danny picked a topless. If this were a Double, I would have released The Girls too, but Danny's not a big spender. Besides, I'm wearing my training hat today and my lessons may not be quite as effective when some guys mouth is wrapped around my left nipple. I find professional detachment best in these scenarios.

I've done doubles before, and let me tell ya - they're great. All the money for only half the work. Usually we'll both massage the customer at the same time. Then when it comes time for the happy ending, one person usually does the hand release while the other massages the guys chest or legs. Another variation of the double is where one of us acts as the "fluffer." That's the sweetest deal of all since one person has to do all the massage work while the fluffer just looks cute and teases the guy. I've even had a few doubles at other Businesses where the fluffer actually blew the guy (while I did all the work!). When I get a chance to fluff, I'll usually switch between playing with the guys cock and letting him play with the Girls.

"Now you can take your shirt off." Rose quickly complied. I'd say she was a B cup, but they were still perky considering her age and the 2 kids. Danny didn't complain. The licensed massage therapist in me demonstrated some basic massage techniques first, before I let her try it. I worked my way down his back, then let her take over. Her performance was somewhere between textbook and girlfriend quality.

We kept trading off body parts - the first minute by me, then the next couple of minutes by Rose. Eventually we had him flip, but by then his time was coming to an end. Since we were outta time, I told her how to transition from massage to hand release, including The Speech: "If there are any additional parts of your body you would like massaged, please indicate so by placing her hand there." Dan moved Rose's hand to his crotch.

"All right. Tell the customer to lay back, close his eyes and relax. Put back the massage oil and pick up the blue one with the baby oil."

At this point I went hands-off and turned it over to her. Hey - a handjob is a handjob, and damn if I'm going to share my double-handed criss-cross technique. Rose seemed a little hesitant and even squinted her eyes as she oiled up his dick (she had made the novice mistake of pouring baby oil directly onto his dick instead of applying it to her hand first). "CJ... would you believe I've never given a hand job using oil before?"

Uh yeah - I'd believe it.

Danny finally spoke up. "Hey CJ, how about me seeing your tits?" he asked hopefully.

"First off Danny, they're called breasts and not tits. And second, you're paying for my students services, not mine." He looked back like I hurt his feelings with this, so I said "Oh all right," and playfully pulled my shirt up just enough to reveal my bra. The customer is always right - especially if it'll help him finish quickly.

Rose was applying the standard one-handed jerk and tug. Not imaginative, but it gets the job done. Anyway, after a minute or two Danny gave a courtesy "I'm gonna cum...!" (remember, this is a professional training session). I guess this kinda panicked Rose cause she stopped sort of mid jerk as the semen started to leak out (Danny's a dribbler, not a shooter). I told her to keep going, but much slower until he quiets down. Then I grabbed a towel and told her to clean him up with a bit of water and soap.

I took my cue then to leave the room and let her collect the money. She had earned it. A few minutes later, Rose emerges from the room beaming from ear to ear. "I don't believe I just did that! This is the easiest money I've ever made. CJ, you have it so easy!"

If she only knew.


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Freak of the Week - The EMT

This is not my story, but I just had to tell you anyway. As you know, I try to share the stories of particularly interesting customers. I will confess that ever since I started this blog thing, I try to pay a little bit more attention to what my customers do and say. Well, I hit gold yesterday.

I got a new customer who’s an EMT. And no, he wasn’t on the clock when he stopped by. Anyway, we started talking during session and eventually we started swapping stories of some of our more bizarre work experiences.

Believe it or not, he won.

He started telling me this time he had to respond to a single car accident where the guy was already dead. I guess in these cases, you don’t have to drive quite as fast with the sirens blaring.
So he shows up at the scene and sees where a car had gone off the road and into the trees. He gets out of his ambulance and approaches 2 police officers. Now before he can ask “What happened?” these 2 guys are laughing and stop just long enough to point and say “He’s over there.” Now he’s really confused, but just goes and grabs his gear and starts walking towards the wreck.

As he gets closer to the car, he starts to hear a buzzing noise. At first he thinks it’s odd that the officers would just leave the car running, but then he realizes it’s not a car engine he’s hearing. So he slows down and sort of creeps up to the car as he tries to figure out where the noise is coming from.

But as he gets close enough to see the driver, he forgets about the buzzing noise because something is not right. Now this guy, as an EMT, has seen plenty of dead and mangled bodies. But this one looked different. At first glance, all he saw was a mass of yellow mixed with red. The source of the red was obvious, but the yellow must have been a sweatshirt hood or something because the victim was all in yellow…

… That’s an odd sweatshirt. It’s made of all yellow… feathers? He looked in the front seat and the poor victim was NOT wearing a sweatshirt. He was wearing from head to toe (…drum roll please…) a complete chicken suit. So there he was, some poor guy slumped over his steering wheel (or embedded into it), dressed from head to toe as a chicken.

When he snapped out of his surprise, he once again noticed the buzzing noise. It was coming from the back seat. He moved over to get a better look. According to Mr. EMT, what he saw was an open suitcase. Well, this suitcase wasn’t an ordinary suitcase. Apparently it had been packed full of dildos, most of which were now scattered all over the backseat of the car. Some buzzing and bouncing – some not.

My mouth had hit the floor with this story. When I asked him what his reaction when he saw this, he said (and I shit you not), “Damn – those are pretty good batteries.”

And I thought I worked with weirdos.


Thursday, October 2, 2008


Things are picking up again here at work, so we might actually bring in a new girl. Not like we’ve actively looked for one since Rachel left. Things got slow enough during the summer that we were able to manage all the shifts between the 3 of us.

But weird enough, fall is a busy season. Go figure. October tends to be a great month, and it peaks with the Mother of All Massage Weekends – Thanksgiving. I am not shitting you. We usually make more Thanksgiving week than any other single week of the year. I think it’s for 2 reasons. First, you get that heavy holiday travel, and second, everyone’s wallets haven’t been emptied by Christmas shopping yet.

I’ve heard a hundred variations of this story from first time customers over the years…

You get on the road to Grandma’s house for the annual turkey and family fistfight, when you start fantasizing about some stress relief at the hands of an able-bodied masseuse. Then you see that big friendly sign beckoning you to the warmth and comfort of The Business at the next highway exit. You figure you could use a break, maybe get some gas, hit the bathroom. Without thinking, you find yourself making that turn, just to “take a peek.”

You pass the first gas station since it’s always pricier next to the highway. You’re sure the next one is cheaper. Before you know it, you’ve gone a little further than you expected but now that you’ve gone this far you may as well drive by. Then you see our big neon “Open” sign, and it pulls you in like a moth to a flame. Heck – you may as well stop in and check it out. You tell yourself that you can always just walk out if it’s not your thing.

You park the car in the far end of the parking lot, as if you’re going to the insurance agent (the newbies always do). Then you make what we affectionately call the “Walk of Shame.” It’s the path from the far end of the lot to our door in the back of the building that passes by every other business here. As you’re walking, you check your wallet and wonder if it’ll be enough and if we don't take credit cards.

Then before you know it, you’re in front of The Business. At this point you’re probably too nervous to even notice the very tasteful red drapes in the window. Audrey spent a lot to time picking those out. You begin to wonder, what the heck am I doing here? Is this really one of THOSE places? How does this even work? Am I supposed toBEEEEEEEP… BEEEEEEEP.

“Uh, hello Nana!... Yes, I’m on the road… No, I just stopped to get gas… No, I’m running about – ummmm - an hour late I’d say… Yes, I’ll pick up some cranberry sauce… Is Betty there yet?... No, I’ll call her later… Yes, I’ll drive carefully…Buh-bye.”

Now your heart is pounding. You just bought yourself an hour, so you might as well try it. Just by looking through the door, you can’t see behind the desk – damn! You turn your cell phone off before you push the door open and walk in. The place smells faintly of flowers, thanks to an aromatherapy candle on the coffee table. You look around and realize it’s a lot cleaner and more pleasant than you thought it would be.

“Hello Sir, can I help you?”

You turn around and you see a very pretty blonde girl sitting behind a desk. She’s wearing a form-fitting white polo shirt with a beaded necklace. Her dirty blonde hair has that sort of Just-Rolled-Out-Of-Bed look that you can only get with lots of vitamins and an incredibly over-priced stylist. She smiles at you in such a way that reminds you of your last girlfriend’s super-hot sister.

“Uh, yes please. I think I’d like a massage.” And so begins the high point of your Thanksgiving Day weekend.

And if you come back a 2nd time, we’ll tell you how to park behind the building.