Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Another One BItes The Dust...

Well another parlor got raided recently only this time it was 100% good-ole All American (USA! USA!). A little bit too close to home? Oh yeah. That's a dozen raids in the last year alone. And according to the paper, the FBI has now jumped in to investigate ties to organized crime and human trafficking.

I didn't know any of the girls personally, but Audrey said she kinda remembered one of them. I think she said one of them may have talked to her about a job last year. I don't remember.

Am I surprised? The only thing I'm surprised about is how long it took to get to that place. I mean it was pretty well known as a full service parlor. According to the paper, police were responding to complaints from neighbors and this is NOT part of a "crack down."

For as long as I can remember, they never really went out of their way to cover up what they did. Hell - even their name was a dead giveaway. It was one of the places that puts an ad in the local weekly entertainment rag with pictures of women in bikinis asking you to "cum on in." I mean it was that bad.

OK... maybe not THAT obvious, but it was still pretty bad.

So I guess all the paranoia around here was justified over the summer. Shit, we cut off newbies for several months so that probably saved our asses. Between that and Audrey cashing in whatever favors she had left, The Business will live to see another day. And I will bet you money that after the elections, there probably won't be another raid for a long time.

Think about it - local ultra-conservative religious group demands the town to cleanup the parlors. Local politicians jump on that bandwagon for a full year before the elections. Coincidence? It never is. Just haven't seen it this obvious in a long while.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Tale of Two Hookers

The other day I started telling a story about Cindy, and then I turned it all about me. I can be such a selfish bitch. So today I owe you one.

The last story I told about Cindy blowing a customer during a double was the last time anything like that happened. We've done a couple more doubles since then, but they were just standard happy endings with 1 girl doing the HJ and the other one teasing. But I am reminded of the time Cindy and I entertained a couple of Sugar Daddy's back in the good old days. I've mentioned this story before, but today I'll tell the whole thing.

Actually, it was my SD and one of his buddies. The buddy was in town and my SD wanted to entertain him properly, so he asked if I could hook him up for the evening. Cindy was game (hell - she's always game), so we made plans to meet them at their hotel for an evening of dinner, drinks and "whatever."

Cindy and I really got slutted up for the occasion. My SD (we'll call him "Tim" and his friend "Mike") enjoyed being seen in public with a girl on his arm. So our thing was to get dressed up and paint the town red. He wanted to turn heads, so I'd get all decked out in something tight with "fuck-me" heels, then he'd take me to busy restaurants, bars, etc. At the end of the evening, he'd usually just drop me off at my car or home, and that was it. He never asked for HJ's when we were out - he figured that's what The Business was for.

This night was pretty much the same routine, except now we were doing it as a double date. However, Mike had different expectations on how the evening would end - and that's where Cindy came in. I think Tim's exact words were "Do you have any friends that could like... do him?"

So there we were - Cindy and I all dressed to kill. I told her how Tim likes to see me dressed, so she was similarly done up in a short dress and heels. Biggest difference was that she had taller heels and showed way more cleavage. In other words - sluttier (I still love you Cindy!).

We drove over to the hotel in my car with the radio cranked up - just having a good time. We got there early and decided to have one last smoke before we headed up to the room. So out in the parking lot, we lit up and stood outside the car listening to the radio.

A couple minutes go by and an older gentleman wearing a tie with a short sleeve shirt walks out of the hotel and towards us. He's staring straight at us the entire time, so we know something's up. As he gets closer we can see that he's wearing a name tag like he's the manager or something. Cindy and I stamp out our cigarettes.

"Excuse me, but I'm going to have to ask you two to leave." He looks dead serious as if he's done this drill before and we obviously know what the hell he's talking about.

I said "Uhhhh... why? We weren't doing anything." Cindy and I both looked at each other confused. "I'll turn the radio off," I said as I stuck my head in the car window.

"Don't play around." His look didn't change any. "I don't care what you do, I just can't have you two working here."

Did he just say "working?"

Cindy and I looked at each other. Then we started laughing. And the more she laughed the more I laughed. This was obviously not the reaction the guy was expecting. He starts to stammer "uhhhh... I... uhhhh..."

Between belly laughs, Cindy points at me and squeaks "He thinks you're a hooker!" before doubling back over in laughter.

Now I can't breath because I'm laughing so hard. But I catch my breath and yelled "YOU look like the hooker!" Then I loose it again.

Come to think of it, we probably both looked like hookers - although technically I was acting as a pimp that evening. And also an escort. I was a sort of pimp-scort.

The manager guy finally let out a relieved laugh and explained that we both looked like hookers - especially on the parking lot security cameras. When I finally calmed down, I told him we were meeting our "Johns" inside, then going out to dinner. He got another laugh out of that, but I guess it wasn't too far from the truth either.

Tim and Mike were waiting for us in the lobby since we had been delayed. Cindy and I told the story on the way to dinner. Luckily they found it funny too.

Dinner and drinks were fun. I checked in with Tim in the middle of the evening and we agreed that Mike and Cindy were hitting it off. I made it a point to act flirty with her in public so Tim would have more to brag about later.

We were all pretty toasted by the time we got back to the hotel room. Tim's an older guy who tires out easily, so I knew he would just want to chill out. We planted ourselves on the pull out sofa and started watching late night TV. Unfortunately for Mike and Cindy, there was no other room to go hide in. So they started making out on the bed by the light of the TV screen.

For the most part we ignored them. I got up a couple of times to get a fresh beer for Tim and myself. Each time I glanced over, they had switched positions and another article of clothing was missing. They thought they were being subtle by sliding underneath the sheets, but when a head disappears and you see a lump in the sheet rising up and down, you can figure it out.

Tim and I turned the volume of the TV up as they got louder and louder. Thankfully, there was a final grunt from Mike and the sheets stopped moving. A few minutes later, Cindy gripped a king-sized pillow and made a dash for the bathroom with her tiny, crumpled dress in her hand. Mike lit a cigarette.

Good timing - I was getting sleepy. After Cindy had freshened up, Mike said his goodbyes to Cindy and then Tim walked us down to my car. I kissed him goodnight before he handed me an envelope.
"Thanks girls!" he said with a smile and yawn. "I don't think Mike will ever forget this night any time soon."

And I haven't either. Cindy and I split the cash in the envelope and she ended up seeing Mike a few more times whenever he was in town. As for me, I love the fact that I finally have a place where I can tell this story in it's entirety.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Cindy Revisited

One of you guys asked for another Cindy story and I realized I haven't talked about her lately. Funny thing is that I recently discovered something about her that I thought I could mention.

Cindy has a sugar daddy.

At least that's what it sounds like to me. I know she'll occasionally see a customer outside of work, but I guess this guy has become a sort of regular thing (let's call him "Gary"). I've met him a few times - he's been in that often. Seems nice enough, a bit young in appearance for a SD, but who knows - maybe he's a dotcom millionaire or something. Then again there are some guys who just love that "Suicide Girl" look that Cindy has perfected.

If Gary was coming in that often, I can understand why she offered to start seeing him outside of work. She's never shied away from blowing or even fucking an occasional customer in the room, but at least this way she won't get busted by Audrey's sister. And he saves the door fee. BUT, she lives with her boyfriend (and baby daddy) and I don't know how she's explaining the occasional midnight trip to the grocery store.

[And yes, I know that she'll probably read this in a couple of days, but it's not like I haven't said this to her before.]

Perhaps I'm reading too much into her situation. I mean, I don't have a SD right now but now that I think about it, I'm not sure how I would explain to Derek about some of the odd work hours I would suddenly have to put in...

"Yes dear, I did work the morning shift, but Trina needs to leave work at 10pm and there's no one to fill in for that critical 1 hour before closing time and I could really use the extra money to help pay for that fabulous birthday present I want to get you since it's only 11 months from now, and have you been working out because that shirt looks really good on you, would you like a blowjob?"

I'm not sure if the idea is uncomfortable for me because of guilt, or because of inconvenience. I lie about 8 hours of my day, so what's the big deal about an extra hour or 2 - right? Maybe it's because SD's require an extra amount of attention and availability. I don't know, I'm feeling funny even talking about it right now.

Luckily, there are no Sugar Daddy's or even potential ones on my radar screen at the moment. I have to admit that the admiration and attention they provide is fun, but I'm just seeing it differently this time. Oh well. Let's just hope that Gary doesn't have a rich, horny, and handsome brother.


Friday, September 17, 2010

Confessions of an Erotic Economic Indicator

Well I have some good news for a change. I was talking to Audrey the other day and she confirmed that August was our busiest month in almost 3 years.

I knew business was going to pick up a little bit because last month was when we finally started letting newbies back into session. Heck - we went for most of the summer relying on just Regulars for business. So the total number of customers jumped to pre-economic meltdown days.

A good chuck of that was new customers, but we also saw in increase in business from Regulars. Audrey said the door fees were also good, but not the same as 3 years ago because guys are taking shorter session times nowadays. As for tips, August was great because we finally started offering options to newbies again. We were getting killed with the therapeutics because guys generally don't tip with those.

So what does this all mean in terms of the economy? Well the official HappyEndingz forecast is that the number of guys with disposable income is finally returning to pre-recession levels. In other words, more people have jobs now. I mean, August may have been a fluke due to the high number of frustrated, horny newbies who were banging down our door all summer. So we'll see if the numbers continue to stabilize through the next quarter.

As for levels of disposable income, it looks like the consumer index is still low on this one. Guys are willing to spend money on massages, just not nearly as much as they did pre-recession.

According to the "CJ Options Index" - Topless is up, while G-string remains flat. Fully nude and mutuals are still way down. Meanwhile on the "CJ Extras Index" - breast and butt releases are slowly making a comeback while foot fetish remains at an all time low.

And that's my take on the economy. Next up - Erotic Sports and Weather!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Wow - I can't believe that I actually went a week without realizing I hadn't posted anything. But I guess you could say that I've been "distracted" lately. That's the polite way of saying that I've gotten laid.

Hmmmmmmm... Bitch about work or go fuck? Tough one there. Answer Email from borderline stalker or quickie in the shower? Let me think about it...

The beginning of a relationship is always fun. It's the middle part where I have to juggle privacy versus intimacy that I hate. And then there's always the end part where everything turns ugly and I eventually spend a Saturday night drinking tequila and sorting out my CD's from his.

I've been talking to you guys about the fine line you have to walk regarding personal relationships when you're in this kind of business. So will I take any of my own advice and try something different this time in the hopes that maybe it'll turn out differently? Probably not. I know me and I fear change. So I'll just stick with what I know - the slowly spiraling maelstrom of lies and deceit that ultimately ends with total relationship destruction and emotional ruin.

But for now I'm getting laid! Go me!

So let me start by giving you guys a quick idea of the unique aspects of dating an erotic masseuse.
Always Wait For Us To Shower
The last thing you want to do is suprise us with an "intimate" encounter when we first come home from work. "Oh baby... you smell so good, what's that scent you're wearing?"

"That's jizm from my 3 o'clock."

Give Us Time To Decompress After Work
I once had a boyfriend that basically tore my shirt off after I came home from work - wouldn't take "no" for an answer (the Girls are known to have that affect on people). He proceeded to give me a very thorough tongue caressing of my nipples. And I might have enjoyed it too, but unfortunately all I could think about was the breast release I had given 30 minutes ago. Totally weirded me out.

Don't Buy Us Lingerie
You really don't know what awkward is until your boyfriend asks you to wear that "special" thing he bought you last week and you suddenly realize you've already sold it to a Regular. Or even worse - you can't wear something because it's stained. And those stains aren't his...

So that's what I'm about to go through now. Wish me luck and I promise to bring you something more work related next time!


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Confessions of an Erotic Undercover Detective - Part 2 (The Sting!)

Hey guys! Sorry I left you hanging with that last story, but it was getting late and I had to get back to work. This last week has been crazy busy. In fact, I spoke with Audrey the other day and she confirmed that August has been our busiest month in almost 3 years. But more on that later...

Now when we left off, Derek had just shown me that phone number he had gotten from his masseuse on the boardwalk. I swear - I was seeing red. I sooooooo wanted to run back there and tear her a new one. How DARE you proposition a guy who obviously came in with someone. And in broad daylight!!!

Well, Derek calmed me down and got me to drop it. But I did vow to get to the bottom of whatever it was that just happened. Partly because I wanted revenge, but mostly out of professional curiosity. I mean - how do you advertise an illegal business through a legal one? Are they both owned by the same person? Is one a front for the other? Or is she an independent? And most importantly - if I wasn't there, would she have offered a happy ending to Derek right there behind the privacy divider?

That night before dinner, I had derek hand me that phone number. I *67 my number and called.

"Hello" said a heavily accented voice.

I've done this a hundred times before - it's my Ditzy Housewife routine. "Yeah hi. I would like to schedule a massage for today."

There was a hesitation. There's always a hesitation at hearing a female voice. "Uhhhh... you have wrong number. We no do that here."

"But I got your number from my husband who said he gets his massages there." I love to throw that in to confuse them. I seem to know what's really going on, but why would I know from my husband? She's probably wondering if I want a happy ending too.

"Uhhhhh... no appointment. We booked." I was disappointed - she caved way too easily. She should have just kept denying everything then hung up.

"How about tomorrow? Or anytime this weekend is good." Now I was just torturing her because I knew she can't say anything. I wondered how she was going to bail.

"Hold please."

Whoa - I wasn't expecting that. Usually they just hang up on me. It's the easiest way to tell if a massage parlor is legit or not - have a girl call up and try to make an appointment. Now for you newbies out there looking for an erotic massage - all you have to do is find a girl you can trust to make that call for you!

I heard some chinese chatter in the background and finally a not-quite-as-accented woman picks up the phone. "Hello, can I help you?"

Now it was my turn to be caught off guard. "Uhhhhh... Yes... I wanted to schedule an appointment please."

"I'm sorry, but we are no longer accepting any more appointments. I will give you the number to call to make an appointment."

Ahhhhhh... so that's their game. She gave me a local number and then hung up. Of course I immediately called the new number. And guess what? It was for the place on the boardwalk! Each place was a cover for the other!!!!

Derek asked for the number back so he could schedule an appointment. I told him to fuck off. At this point, I don't think he knew what to make of my enthusiasm for this undercover investigation. And it probably didn't help any that I immediately got on the phone, called Trina and told her everything. Derek started yelling in the background that he wanted his own happy ending, so I told him if he keeps that shit up, he'll be taking care of his own happy endings from now on.

And that was my undercover reporting on the secret world of New Jersey Asian massage parlors (or NJAMPs). If any more of you guys out there have something to add, feel free. In the comments last week, someone left a great story similar to mine.