Saturday, June 23, 2012

Our Little Girl Is Growing Up

There comes a time in every girl's life where her mom sits her down and awkwardly attempts to explain the facts of life.  In my case, it was my mom reluctantly describing the beautiful act of "relations" between married people for the express purpose to make babies.  I remember what a joy it was to watch her stutter over the word "penis" and what its job was.  Meanwhile all I wanted to know was if pulling out really was the best method of birth control, and if semen caused tooth decay.

 Well, the closest thing to explaining the birds and bees finally happened to me at work when Kimmie pulled me aside and asked if it's OK for a customer to "do things to my feet."  Ahhhhhh Kimmie...  I remember my first foot worshiper - and how I was fascinated at what lengths guys will go to sodomize them.  

"Sit down Kim," I started.  "I don't think I've filled you in on all the rules yet."

Now that I'm running The Business, Audrey's rules are still pretty much my rules.  In a nutshell, the rules are pretty much as follows:

1)  No penetration
2)  Door and clothing option prices are fixed
3)  No one under 21
4)  Nothing after hours (or offsite)
5)  Dress conservatively

The first one goes without saying.  We are a massage parlor - not a brothel.  This is what keeps us off the radar screens and allows us to operate without too much hassle from the town.  Even though some of us (Audrey you slut I'm talking about you) may violate it from time to time, it's still the biggest rule we have.

Our prices for the basic services are fixed.  They have to be, else the girls start to undercut each other in order to steal customers.  Then before you know it, guys are coming in off the street and demanding blowjobs for $25 because "Crystal does it." Seen it tear apart other businesses, so it's something we all have to stick to in order for it to be fair to everyone.

We don't serve minors, and to be safe we card anyone who doesn't look 21.  I know that 20 isn't a minor, but it's just another one of those things that keeps us off the radar screens.  The last thing we need is someone's mom bursting through our doors demanding to know why her minivan is parked out front when Tommy said he was going to the movies and... OH MY GAAAAAWD WHAT IS THIS PLACE?  And if you think that scenario is weird, try the dad's who bring their son's in for their "first time."  No thanks - we'll just keep throwing out anyone under 21.

The Business does not offer outcall service.  For newbies out there, that's when the girl comes to your place.  We also don't like it when girls do sessions beyond our normal business hours.  Once again, odd hours of operation are a red flag to the cops, so we try to avoid it.  Also, it's just safer to work within our set schedule, that way I know when the place is supposed to be empty.

And lastly, it's a house rule that we all dress conservatively.  For you fans of "The Client List" it's totally unrealistic (and dangerous) to have the entire staff walking around in lingerie.  You never know who's walking through that door at any given time.  Could be a woman booking a therapeutic session, or maybe the guy next door asking if Fedex has been by yet.  Or it could be a cop.  In any case, the rule is to keep our clothing options INSIDE the room.  Best outfit for work - jeans and a polo shirt. 

I told Kimmie that it's perfectly OK to have a guy do stuff to her feet, as long as she's comfortable with it.  Then I gave her advice on how to deal with "extras" (any requests above and beyond the basic massage and hand release).  Turns out that she's been saying "We don't do that" more than a few times.  Boy, that brought back memories...  I remember using that exact phrase when I first started working.  Except that I was using it when customers asked where their happy ending was.  Whoops.

Kimmie's eyes got big when I told her about the "Breast release."  And I thought she was going to run out of the room when I mentioned the "Butt release."  

"Ewwwwwwwww... Why would a guy want to cum on my ass?"  

I didn't even blink.  "Why would a guy want to fuck your feet?  It's our job to let the customer know what we are and aren't comfortable with in the room.  This is the kinda stuff that they're afraid to ask from their girlfriends.  So be prepared to get a lot of questions about all sorts of things you've never heard of before.  Just relax and remember what the rules are.  And if you ever get confused about what's allowed, just come out of session and ask me.  Oh - and don't ask Maude anything.  She's a prude."   

Now that was a Birds-and-Bees speech any mom would have been proud of.




Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Help

I don't want to jinx anything yet, but I think I finally found the "New Girl."  In fact, I'm so hopeful that I'll actually give her a name - we'll call her "Kimmie."  Let's just hope that she lasts long enough for me to talk about her again.

I found her in the weirdest way too - she was recommended by a customer.  Turns out she was doing housekeeping for this guy, and he eventually discovers that she used to do massage therapy before moving here.  Typical story too - followed her boyfriend up here, then they break up.  She's stuck in the middle of no where with no money and ends up doing odd jobs.  

And that's when Kimmie hears about The Business.  She came in for an interview and we clicked almost immediately.  I mean, she sounds professional, responsible, and trustworthy - everything  men look for in a handjob.  

Actually, she's a very pretty, heavyset brunette (in case you were wondering).  Not that that's important to me at this point.  All I wanted was a girl who could tell time and didn't have a drug addiction.  Instead I got a professional masseuse with a sense of humor and an open mind.  

Hey - that's pretty much how I got started in The Business.  So I gave Kimmie a chance and explained to her how it works around here.  She said it's pretty much what she's done before, except for that little bit at the end.  I suggested that she just pretend she's on a first date with a guy and it's going really really well.  "That's not the point," she says.  "I really don't know how to use my hand on a man."  

Really?  I mean REALLY?  I always thought it was pretty much a required skill in order to graduate high school.  But not for Kimmie.  She found it was easier to blow a guy than jerk him off.  I guess I could see the logic in that, but if that's the case then what was she saving for the 2nd date?

So here I am stuck with an erotic masseuse who doesn't know how to give a hand release.  What's a girl to do?  Well, I'm a professional who's been doing this for long enough, so I did what I had to do - handjob lessons.

If you think teaching someone how to jerk a dick is awkward, try being the test subject.  I took Kimmie and had her sit in the lobby during my next appointment.  25 minutes later, I cracked open the door to my room and told her to come in.  I can only imagine what was going through her mind as she walked in on her first erotic massage session.  

"John" and I were completely naked.  He was on lying on the table, but managed a "hello" when she walked in.  I told her to stand next to me at the table.  I've taught new girls before, but never really a "hands on" demonstration (pun fully intended).  I oiled up my hands and told her to pay attention.  I started off with the standard one-handed tug, using my left hand to work the shaft and playing with the balls using the right.  Best to start off slow.  My infamous double handed criss-cross technique is way too advanced for a newbie.

Kimmie just watched during that first session.  I wanted her to study a happy ending from start to finish.  It's not just the hand release she has to learn, but the whole ritual of how to initiate, perform and finish.  Some places leave the customer to clean up after themselves, but I've always found that as rather low class.  I think the cleanup afterwards is just another part of the whole experience, and if done properly, it can be very sensual and memorable for the customer.

The next session I had Kimmie actually perform the hand release - under my direction.  "Bill" didn't mind.  In fact, I think he rather enjoyed having 2 girls in the room.  BUT - it didn't go very well.  Hey - Rome wasn't built in a day, right?  Her problem was the the standard newbie mistake of jerking mechanically.  That technique may actually work  when your boyfriend is 16, but should get more sophisticated as you get older.   Eventually, I just told her to stop and I took over and finished the job.

It was Trina the following day that had a breakthrough with Kimmie.  And by breakthrough I mean she actually brought her first customer to orgasm.  Luckily, that was the hard part of the training process.  The 2nd part is just taking your clothes off, which she apparently had no problem with.  

It's been almost 2 weeks now, and she's worked 8 shifts (all supervised).  She's a quick learner, and has even got a repeat customer!  Not bad for a newbie.  So now Trina and I have actually started talking about plans for the summer.  Now a couple more girls and maybe I can retire.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Q&A 7

Hey guys.  I've haven't been paying nearly as much attention to the comments as I should lately.  So today I'm going to try to catch up on your questions.

What did Maude say?
She won't tell me exactly.  When I asked her, I wanted to know so I could use it myself if needed.  She just said that from where she's from, she has assholes like that for breakfast.  I asked what she would have done if he had pulled a gun or something, and she said "Do you really think I've never had to stare down a guy with a gun before?" 

Holy crap - I'm glad she's on my side!!!

Have you guys avoided being placed on review sites such as xxxxxx and xxxxxx
You can't.  In fact, The Business is on several that include the northeast.  I just make a point not to give them any plugs because there are more than a few forums dedicated to finding me and The Business. 

What I can say about the escort/massage review sites is that they can be a blessing and a curse.  I say curse because they talk so much shit on those things.  I don't know how many times guys have posted total lies about me and what I will and won't do in the room. 

Then on rare occasion there will be a decent, truthful review about me.  And it doesn't necessarily have to be positive.  I've had guys flat out say don't bother seeing me if you want full service.  That's fine with me because it's true!  What I hate is when some asshole goes on and on about what a ripoff I am because I wouldn't suck his dick.  Hello - we're a MASSAGE PARLOR!!  If you're going to bother to use the review sites, at least do your homework and find out what kind of place we are first!

Hey CJ, can you give an idea of current prices for certain services?
I have described prices all over this blog.  Start with the blog entries I have highlighted on the side of the page here.  But if you are talking about  a particular kink or fantasy request, you can always e-mail me directly.  In general though, I usually charge $50 per "extra." 

Have any of your coworkers discovered the blog?
Trina and Cindy have known about the blog ever since the beginning.  In fact, Trina actually did a guest post for me (she hated it).  And Cindy... well let's just say that letters and words aren't her thing.

Audrey never found out (thank goodness), which is almost a surprise considering how much she surfs the internet for anything related to The Business.  I swear, she will know about a post about us on one of those review sites within a day.  She's that good.  I don't know if she still does considering she doesn't work here anymore. 

As for Maude - if it's not on Ebay, then it doesn't exist.

The closet thing I've ever come to anyone finding out about the blog had nothing to do with the internet.  It was that disastrous Playboy Radio interview a few years ago that almost did me in.  Almost immediately after appearing as a call in guest, I had two people on the phone telling me they heard this woman on the radio who sounded just like me - AND SHE WORKED IN A MASSAGE PARLOR!

"Ha ha, isn't that funny" I said.  I never would have guessed how many people listen to that damn show.

I am curious about your crisis moment when you allowed the guy to finger you.  Why did you do that?
If you remember that story, I was at rock bottom.  I needed the money.  At least I thought I did.  Now the extra $100 I got that day is long gone.  But it took a very very long time for me to regain my self respect. 

What is the most amount of real O's Trina has ever had in a day?
Believe it or not, I actually did ask her this question when she finally confessed to me.  I think she said 5 or 6.  And it included fucking her boyfriend later that night.

You sometimes mention police raids or officers who try to infiltrate a Business.  I was wondering if you ever had an experience with anything like that?
Not as such - and not because we're lucky or we pay off anyone.  We see cops around here on a regular basis.  We're just smart about the whole thing.  Not being full service goes a long way in keeping you off the radar screens.

But don't get me wrong.  The local cops know we're here and they know we're a parlor.  They just leave us alone because when we're not jerking off horny truckers, we could be giving a therapeutic session to Officer Smith's Nana. And occasionally when Nana is not around, Officer Smith will stop by for a non-theapeutic session of his own.

As for stings, I'm not really worried.  First off, we can usually spot a cop a mile away because we know there are certain things they are allowed and not allowed to do in the room.  Second.  it's just not worth all the time and money for them to stake out a parlor, send in phony customers, and then entrap the girl for offering a handjob.  At the most all they're gonna get to stick in court is a public indecency or lewdness charge. 

And then Nana gets upset because her favorite "girl" is gone...

I'm wondering if your parlor offers "doubles" i.e. 2 masseuses doing the massage. 
Yes we do, and we call them "Doubles" or "Four Hands."  It's basically double the price and with that you get 2 sets of hands performing the massage.  Guys tell me it's an incredible experience to get 2 separate areas of their body done at the same time.   As for the happy ending, we've discovered that unless you're hung like a porn star, it's rather awkward to have 2 girls perform the hand release.  So what we usually do is have 1 girl take care of the release, and the other girl will do a tease to sort of hurry things along.

When I'm in a double, I'll usually take care of the release while the other girl massages either his thighs or pecs.  If I really like the customer I'll occasionally, let the other masseuse do the release while I lean over the guys head and let The Girls bounce in front of his face. 

Really CJ.  How could you possibly not want to talk about Trina being sluttier than you thought?
Hey - I just discovered that too.  Besides, it's only been recently that she's started to share stories.  I mean, I thought I knew her, and what her sessions were like.  Boy was I wrong.  I hope to change all that with my new feature "Trina's Tale."

What's a phone book?
It's this thing that people used to get information about local businesses in the old days.  And right under the heading of "Massage - Non-Therapeutic," there were listings for your local massage parlor.  It used to be that simple.

But now with the internet, most people think you can find a parlor more easily online.   The problem is if you just google "massage parlor" and your home town, you'll probably get tons of nonsense and useless information.  Or if you're lucky enough to find a real post on Craigslist or any of it's clones, it'll probably be just phone numbers and vague references to "relaxation" or "soft touch."

A good old fashioned phone book, or even newspaper used to provide not just a phone number, but an actual address of genuine parlors in town.  Then it was up to you to decipher the ads to figure out if it's "that kind" of place or not. 

Call me old school, but I prefer it that way.  We have some ads posted on the internet, but it's just not the same.  I know that we need to embrace the future and try to get some online presence OTHER than the parlor review sites, where we get to control the content of the ad.  But it's so hard, especially since things like Craigslist have come down on the adult ads. 

Are there camera's in your room?
Not in the room, but on the premises. 

Are there secret passages in rooms just in case of raiding?
Are you kidding?  You try to build a "secret passage" using bonded labor, building permits, and landlord permission for all mods.

You're probably talking about something you've seen on TV or the movies.  That's one of the reasons why I hate "The Client List."  It's such bullshit and people just assume it's all real.  Take for example their back rooms.  I love the way all the girls just walk around half naked all day.  Now if that place was raided, you try explaining that you're a legit health spa when your employees are all wearing trashy lingerie.  

At The Business, we usually wear a polo shirt and slacks or jeans.  Very plain is the rule.  Cindy used to show up in tube tops and daisy dukes, but I had to say something.  

We also have another rule of nothing incriminating in the rooms.  No condoms, no lingerie, no sex toys - nothing.  If a customer wants to see us in lingerie, they have to bring it in themselves AND it must be new with tags.  Gawd forbid we ever are raided (or even inspected per the new laws), there will be NOTHING improper lying around.

Is sabotaging between competitors common?
In a way yes, but nothing like calling the cops and turning in our fellow masseuses.  At the most we'll bad mouth other girls at other businesses.  It's not good practice though because you never know when you're gonna be out of a job and knocking on the competitions door.   

I heard that sex-related industries are usually backed by gangs and mafias as a front for money laundering.
Some definitely are.  For example, we experienced a huge crackdown last year on massage parlors in this area.  Turns out that most of our local Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs) were being managed by organized crime out of New York City. 

I'm probably going to get a lot of shit from some guys about "not all parlors use sex slaves" - particularly from the west coast.  But fact of the matter is that I'm just reporting what was in the news as it was happening here.  The FBI got involved and they raided around 2 dozen places over the course of 18 months - most of them Asian.  They discovered that most of the girls were illegals who were trucked in from NYC.  And to top it off, one of the local "Mama-sans" was murdered in broad daylight shortly after her parlor was closed.

In comparison, the local American parlors are not run by the mob or gangs.  Assholes who harass and ripoff their girls maybe, but not organized crime.

Does it make me a whore if I want to do this for a living?
No.  It just means that you care deeply for your fellow man.  Really really deeply.

And that's it for Q&A 7.  Lots of weirdness going on around here, so I'll try to get to it next time.  Till then...