Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Art of the Facial

As you may have noticed, I finally changed my pic. Get used to it, because I'm not changing it again. It was taken a couple of years ago by an ex, and the bra reminded me of today's topic.

Now I kinda understand the appeal of the facial to guys. To begin with, men are just fascinated by their own cum. And I know that you guys enjoy shooting all over us girls as a way of marking your territory (I know - I do this for a living). I'm not knocking it, I'm just saying that I know you guys enjoy the visual of cum splashed breasts, asses and faces. So if some guy wants to pay extra to make a pretty mess, I usually don't mind.

I have to admit that I'm pretty good at making the most of a good cumshot. When a customer asks to cum on The Girls, I have a whole routine I do now. I have a special way of holding them up and out for a tempting target. I also make sexy little faces and say things like "coat me in that hot cum...", etc. And after he's done, I always make it a point to run my fingers through it and comment on what a "mess" he's made. Guys gobble that shit up.

But the facial is a whole step above all that. So, I've only offered it to a very small group of guys that I'm really comfortable with.

Now I know I've made that statement a hundred times before. BUT when it comes to semen on my face, I really really mean it. I have to be practically in love with you. I'm so serious about this that I've rarely agreed to facials with guys that I've dated.

It's not that I have an aversion to semen. I don't mind it's taste or smell. And if it's a boyfriends birthday, I'll even swallow! The problem is that most guys just can't aim. They shoot it all in your eyes, and let me tell you - that shit stings! And cum in the hair??? That shit doesn't come out easily and you pretty much have to jump in the shower. That's why I don't like doing them at work - it's just not worth the hassle no matter how much I'm offered. What's the point of a few extra bucks if I have to spend half an hour washing and drying my hair, or trying not to scare off customers with my "pink eye?"

With that said, I was particularly confused by this one guys request. About 3 years ago, I had this Regular back when EVERYONE was rich (remember those days?). We were seeing each other often, and his thing was lingerie. He would bring in something new each session. Usually it was things like lacey teddys, garters, etc. But this time he had brought just a plain white bra and panties - kinda like the one in the new picture.

It was a Sunday evening and we had the whole place to ourselves. Usually he took a 1 hour massage with me in the lingerie. We would normally finish with me kneeling before him while he stood up and jerked himself off on whatever he bought me. Then he'd take the freshly soiled lingerie home for his own future amusement.

But this particular evening, he said he wanted to " something different... I want to cum on your face." I said "sure" since it was the end of the shift and I had time to shower, and he was essentially just moving the target a few inches up on my anatomy. I was already familiar with the scent and feel of his cum on my skin, and he had even splattered my chin and neck a few times by "accident" in the past.

Now here is the part that I want you guys out there to explain to me...

"But" he said, "I don't want you to clean it up immediately." I gave him a weird look. "I want you to just wear it for a bit. Walk around and stuff for a few minutes."

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay. I totally didn't get it but hey, whatever floats your boat. He then proceeded to take care of himself and he shot a rather watery load all over my lips, cheeks and chin.

When he was done, I opened my eyes and asked "can I move now?" only it came out as " I ooove ow?" since I was doing my best not to let it ooze between my lips. I spit a few times till I could open my mouth, then I got up and starting cleaning up the room and putting things away. He started throwing his clothes back on, just as if everything was normal.

When I was done, I asked if I could clean up now, and he said "No, I want you to walk to the office and back. Then you can clean yourself off." So I did, and he followed me. I even took an extra minute back there to check some paperwork, being careful not to leave any stains on the desk.

By now, the bra had taken the brunt of the dripping semen which I'm guessing is what he wanted. But my question to all of you out there is what's the deal of me wearing his jizz for a while when he could have just cum directly on the bra? I'm guessing it's a humiliation or power trip thing, but he totally did not act the part and that's why I'm confused.

So there you have it - a facial story, a new picture, and a puzzle to figure out. This should keep you guys busy this weekend.


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Business As Usual

Well, the repair work is mostly done and we're up and running again. The place smells a bit like paint, but I have to admit that I like the new color of my room.

Audrey did end up changing the floor plan slightly. Trina and I still have showers in our rooms but now they share the same set of pipes. And the shower was removed from the storage room since no one ever used it.

But I think the biggest and perhaps smartest difference is that Audrey took my advice and changed the room shapes to accommodate tanning booths in the future. The idea is that if and when we decide to hang up the massage oil bottles, we can convert over to a tanning salon with minimum remodeling. And in the meanwhile, we can add another booth whenever we want.

Audrey and I had a good talk recently about the future of The Business - in light of the recent water disaster, and the closing of the local AMPs. She knows I want to eventually open my own tanning place, and I know she wants to retire soon. So if she ever decided to retire and let me take over, this place could be converted to 100% legit in no time.

My dream business would be both massage and tanning - with 2 different entrances so the massage customers would still have their privacy. That way the real bread-and-butter money would come from tanning, but I'd still get to pocket a wad of cash each week doing massages for Regulars only. THAT would be a dream job!!!

Now before you guys all go into a panic about me converting this blog to "Confessions of a Tanning Salon Attendant" - it's just idol chit chat right now. These hands still have another couple of years of HJs still left in them. But could you imagine...?

"... had to replace a couple light bulbs in Booth 3 today... "
"Trina spilled a bottle of lotion on the carpet..."
"Mrs. Green fell asleep in the room - AGAIN."

How boring would THAT be?


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Titty Fight

In keeping with the tradition of Half Nekkid Thursday, here is the final pic in the infamous "Road To A Titty Fight" series.

In our last episode, Cindy and I had been "encouraged" or "persuaded" to compare The Girls to each other. A face-off, you could say. Heck, after a couple of beers it doesn't take much to get me to give The Girls a bit of fresh air.

In my corner were The Girls weighing in at an all natural 34 D. In Cindy's corner were Da Girls weighing in at an artificially and hormonally enhanced 34 C (yes - she was already a couple months pregnant and drinking, but the baby's fine so I don't want to hear it).

Personally, I think it was a tie. Ron thought I won, but I think he was hoping I'd have a few more beers in celebration with him. What do you guys think?


p.s. I know I'm going to get a lot of complaints about how small the picture is and that I'm not showing any nipple. But hey - beggers can't be choosers. And enjoy it now because I'm replacing it next week with something more conservative that will be my permanent photo. But at least I can say that I put my money where my mouth is!!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Freak of the Week - The Couple

Work has finally started on the torn up rooms. This means that we're back to an evening schedule for the rest of the week. The guys will have the place to themselves in the mornings, and the girls will have it in the afternoons.

Yesterday was weird because I came in at 2:00 and the guys were supposed to be completely gone. Instead, there were like 5 men just sort of lingering around pretending to be cleaning up. You could tell they were trying to check us out as we came in for work, so I reminded Audrey that not a single customer will walk through that door as long as they were here. She finally said something to their supervisor and they were gone 10 minutes later.

Massage Parlor Rule #7 - never let the customers see other guys.

I hid in the office until they left. Every minute they're here after 2:00 is a waste of my time. It wasn't until about 3:00 that we were finally able to open. I was pissed and told Audrey so. She promised it wouldn't happen again.

But I won't complain too much since I did pretty well over the weekend. Everyone came in to make up for the loss of work last weekend. It was funny - so many guys were worried about us that Saturday and Sunday became a sort of homecoming. I'd say business was almost double that of a regular weekend, despite the bad weather.

But my most interesting session wasn't with an overly concerned Regular. I had my first couple! Well technically second, but the first where the girl wanted to get involved.

They were a pretty good looking couple in their late 20's I'd say. And it was obvious from the beginning that they were still in the honeymoon stage and totally obsessed with each other. An erotic massage was the girlfriends idea for a birthday gift for her man. She insisted on watching and I think it was partly for the turn-on and partly to make sure he didn't get more than a hand job.

Now I mentioned that they were obsessed with each other, right? The girl practically shadowed me from the moment I entered the room. I explained the options and she offered to pay for a topless which more than made her boyfriend happy. She made me a little nervous and annoyed with the hovering, so I made sure that I did a professional job with the massage to make her feel like she was getting her moneys worth.

The boyfriend notably kept his hands to himself during all this. I think she would have chopped them off if he tried to touch me. Hey - I wasn't complaining. The two of them were doing some sort of lovey-dovey baby talk while I was doing my thing, so I kept it quiet and just described what I was going to do before it did it - just so there were no surprises.

Then when it came time for the happy ending, I let her know directly what I was about to do, and she nodded her agreement. So I grabbed the bottle of oil from the warmer and lubed my hands up. As I started to work his shaft, I noticed that he got quiet and tensed up as if he shouldn't be enjoying himself at the hands of another woman.

Then I noticed that she got quiet too - as if he shouldn't be enjoying himself at the hands of another woman. This is when she asked if she could "help." I said "no" since the double handjob is really awkward for the guy and I could probably finish him off quicker than she could (I'm a professional).

Then she got weirder. "What do you do with the cum? I mean, shouldn't he be wearing a condom or something?" I think I may have paused mid tug on that one since it's probably the oddest thing anyone has ever asked me in session. I wanted to tell her that we collect it in test tubes and sell it to blackmarket sperm banks, but instead I said I usually let it shoot on the guy's belly and then I wipe it up with a towel.

I guess this treatment wasn't nearly good enough for HER man's precious seed because she still looked uneasy. So then she got even more weirder. "Can he cum in my mouth?"

Now when you read this, it appears as if she's just this kinky bitch who loves pleasing her man. BUT... the way she looked and sounded when she asked told a different story. I swear to you guys - I totally got the feeling that this girl really didn't want me touching this guys semen. His dick in my hands was pushing the limits, but his man-essence? Forget it!!!

It takes A LOT to weird me out nowadays, so I took it in stride. I decided to take control of this session back from psycho girl so I get this over with quickly. "Fine," I ordered, "Go over there and lay your head right here on his stomach." She walked obediently to the other side of the table. "I'm going to aim him directly into your mouth and he's going to tell you when he's cumming."

I think they were both relieved by this solution because she smiled and he got noticeably harder in my left hand. I continued to work him up and down, only at a steeper angle that pointed the head of his dick towards her open mouth. Finally, the boyfriend started to moan and she inched her tongue to within about an inch of his cock. He moved his hands up to the back of her head and said "Now baby, now!"

I expected her to open her mouth and just let it shoot in, but instead she actually grabbed his dick out of my oily hand and then totally deep throated him - oil and all. I pulled my hands back just so they wouldn't get sucked in too. He made some sort of growling noises for about a minute while she continued to aggresively blow him.

And the weirdest part out of all the weirdness that happened just now was my initial reaction. Now you guys out there know that I actually enjoy watching a man cum. Those little jets of semen are my proof of a job well done. Well, when this overly protective girl pushed my hand out of the way and took over the happy ending, I actually felt a small pang of jealousy.

Not that it had anything to do with an attachment to the guy. It was totally about me doing my job. My first thought was "Hey bitch! I did that - not you!" I know that makes me sound nutty as well, and you may not believe it but that was how I felt.

What can I say? I take pride in my work and I felt like she was taking credit for it. Next time I get a couple, I'm making her do all the work while I supervise. And I'll probably charge extra.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Dude are you serious?

I usually let people say whatever they want to in the comments - even if it pisses me off. It just makes things more lively. I think I've deleted maybe 3 comments since I started doing this, and that was because they were advertisements of some kind.

I figure that if someone says something particularly nasty about me, it gives me an opportunity to be nasty right back. But for the most part, everyone here has been nice. I've found that when someone says an insulting comment, it's usually based on ignorance. That gives me a chance to re-educate some of the more naive people out there about The Business.

For example, I used to get a lot of comments from guys who thought massage parlors were the same as brothels. I used to get angry, but later I used it as an opportunity to explain that not all parlors are full service, and not all masseuses are full service.

What I'm trying to do here is let people know what really goes on behind those session doors. And hopefully they'll walk away knowing that it's really not as bad as you think. What I get a kick out of is hearing some guy tried a parlor for the first time and that my advice made him feel comfortable enough to give it a go. To me, that's the biggest compliment I can get.

As for you guys that get into it with each other, I don't mind that either. It sometimes brings up some interesting topics that I can talk about later on. I think one of you guys summed it up best when he said that if I deleted everything that wasn't nice, the only comment left would be "Hey CJ Ur tits r kickin - when can icu?"

And if that ain't a compliment, I don't know what is.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Freak of the Week - Bob The Builder

This has been like the weirdest week. We got flooded. The Business is half torn apart. Audrey is up to her old bullshit again. And all the freaks have come out of hiding. It must be a full moon.

Let me make this quick. We were closed over the weekend while the workers removed all the affected carpeting and walls. Now all that's left is a giant tarp covering up half our space. Inside it's just bare concrete, wires and pipes.

So what is it exactly about bare concrete, wires and pipes that turns guys on? Monday was my first full working day since the flood and EVERY customer made a comment about wanting to do a session behind the tarp. There's just something about construction work that turns guys on. At first it was funny. Then it was annoying.

Then there's Bob.

Bob actually put the money where his mouth is. He was my last customer last night and I swear, he would not shut up about the construction. You know how guys get when they're in "man" mode - he stood there with his hands on his hips asking technical questions and making suggestions about how we could improve things. Meanwhile, I was in "girl" mode and was trying to lure him into session so I could get the heck home on time.

I knew what he was going to say and he finally did. "Hey - can we do it right here?"

"Sure Bob. Just whip it out right here and I'll take care of you."

So he did. Now normally, I would have just grabbed him by his dick and dragged him into my room. And if he were a newbie, I would have kicked him out without waiting for him to zip up. But Bob's a Regular, the place was empty, I was tired, and I figured we could make this quick.

I led him over to where my room used to be. The shower stall is still there, but the wall behind it is gone. I told him to "get comfortable" while I ran across the hall to get some warm oil. When I came back, he was standing there with his shirt on and no pants. I don't care if you're Brad Pitt - that's always an unattractive look for guys.

I led him to my shower stall (or what was left of it) thinking this will make for easy clean up. Bob normally takes a G-string, so I pulled off my hoodie and put it on the ground. Then with my bra still on, I knelt down on the hoodie and started to work his cock gently without oil. Bob prefers the "striptease" so I usually undress at various points during the massage.

I think the whole kinkyness of it was getting to him because he got excited a lot quicker than usual. Normally I can get him semi-erect with my hands dry, then I switch to oil, but tonight he went from zero to 60 without much effort from me. Heck, I think he was looking more at the water pipes than he was at the girls.

But now that he was good to go, I realized how awkward it was going to be to oil him up before I was undressed since I wasn't surrounded by towels and sheets. So I decided to improvise. Instead of lubing him up with oil, I spit on his cock.

When I did that, his eyes got really wide. "Holy shit girl! That's hot. Keep doing that..."

And I thought I was just being lazy.

I sped up the pumping motion with my left hand and started to massage his balls with my right. Then I stopped and spit on him again, only this time I made it a point to spit on the head and let it drip for a second so he could enjoy the show. Bob moaned for a few seconds, then I started working him again.

This is great, I thought. He doesn't even care that I'm still in my bra. I knew he didn't have much longer to go, so I started pointing him towards the shower stall. Bob is a "director" so he always tells me exactly what to do to finish him off.

"Just like that girl... Oh yeah... Now spit on it again but don't stop..." He looked up. Either he was about to cum, or he was turned on by the bare heating duct. "... now faster... faster... that's it..."

Bob let out a really loud groan that kinda carried in the hollowed out space. His cum shot neatly into the shower stall, just like I had planned. I continued to stroke him slowly until he quieted down. Then he looked at me and gave me a big grin.

I lifted my left hand, which was dripping with semen and stuck my tongue out like I was going to lick it off. Bob was in no condition to be teased any further, so I just smiled at him and then grabbed the towel.

As I imagined, clean up was really easy. And I had managed to complete an entire session in a third of the time while sending Bob home in a good mood. He even tipped me a couple bucks extra!

So I was able to go home finally - also in a good mood. I really needed the pick me up because I lost out on work for a few days and discovered just this morning that Audrey actually kept appointments over the weekend. I almost flipped out when I heard that from Cindy. Fucking bitch keeps her own appointments, but tells us to go home.

But I feel better now. It looks like The Business will operate with half the rooms gone for now until the insurance crap is settled and the work begins. Meanwhile a massage table was moved into the tanning room and we're all going to share 2 rooms.

I'll live, but I miss my room.


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Disaster Update

Hey guys!

Just a quick update on what's going on (don't you like it when I have nothing better to do?).

Audrey got a BUNCH of guys in here yesterday to rip up the carpet and most of the affected walls. It looks like shit, but at least we can open up again. I guess it's going to stay this way for a few days till we figure out what insurance is going to cover, and how we want to redo the place. You guys had the right idea of taking this as an opportunity to remodel.

Right now each room has a shower stall, but Audrey is concerned about the quality of the pipes in all of them. So she might remove some of the stalls and replace them with tanning booths. I know that sounds really weird, but you would be surprised at the number of guys (and occasional girl) who use the 1 booth we have. I tell ya, ever since this whole metro-sexual fad got started, more and more guys tan.

Funny how it never rains, but it pours. It feels like the phone has been ringing off the hook ever since we had to close. Regulars I haven't heard from in ages all of a sudden wanted appointments this weekend. And Audrey said she lost track of the number of cars that pulled up front, drove past real slow, then took off. Whatever. I'm going to try not to get upset over it.

Anyway, I've actually appreciated having a few days off. Maybe now I won't be so irritable when I write. Who knows - maybe next week I'll have some stories about how Audrey "pays off" the contractors! LOL


Friday, October 9, 2009

Half Naked Friday

Since this week has been so stressful and the blog has gotten so down, I decided to end the week on a high note. So here is the next pic in "Road To A Titty Fight" series. This pic was taken earlier this year. It was right after work, and Cindy and I went to Trina's place to have some drinks and relax.

Here's the background: after a few beers, we started talking about the blog and thought it might be fun to finally get a better pic for my profile. Trina fumbled around for a pair for dark sunglasses and I posed for a few pics taken on my cell phone.

I posed for a few pics, then Cindy joined me. Trina wanted nothing to do with it, but after a few more beers, she jumped in. Trina had her friend "Ron" over, so we let him take the camera. This is when today's pic was taken.

A couple more beers later and Ron suggests we flash the camera. "Hey! They won't know who you are with the sunglasses on!"

Remember, we were drinking.

Anyway, we were hesitant at first, but then tops started getting pulled up and Ron more than encouraged us. In fact, he even got Trina to flash the camera once.

Remember, we were drinking.

Right about here, somebody said something brilliant like "Who has the biggest tits?" I suspect it was the guy.

Well, tops got pulled up again and a few more pics later Cindy and I were mashing our breasts together. Meanwhile, Trina was laughing her ass off and our happy little photographer was clicking away with my phone.

Needless to say, all of the photos were funny, but none of them were suitable for use on the internet. A few I texted to friends, and that was the end of them. I just kinda forgot about them until you guys started making a fuss a couple months ago.

I tried my best to edit them so they were safe to post. I REALLY had to cut out Trina in order to get her permission. Cindy didn't care so much. Besides, I think she likes showing off her girls.

So enjoy these while you can. I'll be replacing them next week with the now infamous "titty fight" shot.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Disaster Update

Ugh. What a night. So here's what happened...

Apparently a fitting on the shower in room 2 burst open sometime in the morning. It was inside the wall, so water did not spray over the room like Audrey first said. Instead, it seeped all over that half of The Business. Trina's room, my room, the storage room and the hallway were all soaked.

When I got there yesterday, there were like 5 guys plus the landlord running around fixing things. 2 years ago when my toilet exploded, I had to wait a day for one guy to show up. I have to admit one thing about Audrey - she has connections. She was besides herself, so I tried my best to calm her down. I agreed that there was no way we could do business with all that activity going on.

After the pipe was fixed and most of the water was removed, a guy showed up to give an estimate on repairing the damage. The one wall was totally ripped apart by the plumbers, and the carpets were a mess. None of the furniture seemed to be damaged but everything kinda smells funny now. Luckily, the water didn't reach the office or the tanning room. We have a $5000 tanning booth sitting directly across the hall from where the leak was.

According to the guy, the wall where the shower is has to be completely replaced. All the carpet in the 3 rooms has to be ripped up. And parts of my wall may have to go too.

Audrey can't afford to shut down completely for a week, but we also can't operate while they're doing the work (apparently you guys can't seem to get it up when you hear the chattering of Mexican guys painting outside the door). So for now we're all gonna share the remaining 2 rooms. We'll push opening from 11 to noon, and Audrey will let the contractors work in the mornings.

But for today, Audrey doesn't want me to come in till the bad carpeting is ripped up, so I'm looking at an evening shift instead of a day. Oh well, not like I make that much money on a Thursday anyway.

BTW - I like how so few people cared that The Business got flooded, but instead they're going at it in the comments of my last post. Thanks for the sympathy guys!!!


Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Audrey called me right after The Business opened at 11. She was crying. Apparently a pipe exploded in the shower stall in Cindy's room, which is right next to my room. Water everywhere. She said it looks like it was gushing for a couple hours because there was water all over Cindy's room, my room, the storage room and the hallway.

I normally work Wednesday nights, but Audrey said there was no way we were opening up today. So I'm going to work right now to give her some moral support and see how bad it really is.

I'll give you guys an update tonight since it looks like I won't be working.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Monday Night Football brought to you by HappyEndingz! - and other reasons why handjobs should be legal

You want to know what I think about all this nonsense about police raids and legalization and AMPs and stuff? Personally I think they should shut down ALL full service parlors, AMPs and brothels. That's right - ALL the full service places. From my experience around here, those places are all nasty, the girls are dirty, and they bring crime to their neighborhoods. There, I said it.

Am I being a hypocrite? No - I also think that whatever 2 consenting adults decide to do with each other for money is no one's business. So I'm actually OK with the whole escort thing. It's the full-service places I have a problem with.

You see once a place goes full service, it stops being about massage and starts becoming a brothel. Then the place stops hiring masseuses and starts hiring dirty girls with VD and drug problems (or if you're an AMP, you bring in the slaves). And before you know it, 3 people get shot in the parking lot over a crack deal gone bad. THAT is what happens when a massage parlor turns into a brothel. I don't have a problem with a guy paying for a blowjob - I have a problem with the drugs and violence that full-service places bring to a neighborhood.

As for handjob-only places - I think they should be legalized. We keep our businesses clean. We do our best NOT to hire druggies. And the only thing I'm a slave too is chocolate.

Yes - there are AMPs out there that are not worked by slaves and run by the mob, but the ones I've seen around here are. I've been in this business for a long time and I've seen dozens and dozens of girls come and go - but I have NEVER worked with an Asian girl who came from one of the local AMPs. NEVER.

Don't you think that at SOME time during my illustrious career, a girl from one of the AMPs would have come over to one of the other places looking for a better job? I know for a fact that we make more money because customers tell us what they tip at the AMPs. Our Business is much cleaner looking. We're not located in a ghetto. And heck - we even have health insurance!!!!!!

So please stop thinking that it's just an amazing coincidence that 99% of the Asian girls in The Valley have chosen to live together in a converted garage next to the train tracks.

And thats what I think. I mean, if the full-service places were regulated, kept clean, and didn't attract drug dealers and stuff, then I might feel different. I know it works in Nevada, but that's the reality here in SE PA.

And if HJ only places were legal - think about what our advertisements could say!


p.s. Come up with some catchy slogans!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Sayonara Suckers

Let me tell ya - the shutdown of those Asian places has been the main topic around here for the last few days. I mean as far as we're concerned, it can be good and bad. Good in that we'll eventually get some of their customers, but bad in that it'll scare off everyone from all parlors until it all blows over.

Did I know the places in the article? Kinda. One of them I've driven by and the other I've heard about. Let me tell ya - they all fit a type of mold. It's always a low rent, hidden kinda place like an old house in a bad part of town. What these mob guys do is find a place they can get for almost nothing to set up shop. Then they throw in a couple of beds (not massage tables), a "table shower," and finally some high-security doors and they're in business.

How do I know? I've been talking to the customers about it all week. I'm a little surprised at how many guys have actually tried an Asian place at least once. But the stories are all the same.

For example, I knew that their typical sessions are different from ours - but now I have a better understanding of why. At the AMPs, the sessions start off with a "table shower" then move to an actual bedroom. No massage tables - that would be too expensive. They just use regular beds for the massage and happy ending. Then some of the places offer clothing options, some don't. Odd thing is that I've heard that the massages can be pretty good. Anyway, after the massage, the girls may then offer options.

This is where it really departs from what we do... The guys will take the money and leave it on a table - THE GIRL DOES NOT TOUCH IT. She leaves the room, usually to get a condom, and ANOTHER woman comes in to collect the money. I remember guys telling me this and it made no sense to me before. After reading that article, I realize it's because the girls NEVER GOT THE MONEY. It makes perfect sense now. At first I was guessing that it was some weird legal thing to separate the exchange of cash from the happy ending, but now I know the truth.

Then the girl comes back in and performs whatever happy ending the guy paid for, then sends him on his way. Now this routine may differ in other parts of the country, but this is pretty much what guys around here have told me.

Someone asked if this is typical of Asian places only, and now I know it's not. There are so-called "European" massage parlors that have fresh-off-the-boat Russian girls. I know they have them in NYC, but none around here.

Customers have told me they're pretty much the same routine as the Asian places in that the girls actually live inside the business and aren't allowed to handle the money.

So how do you identify a place thats run by the mafia and uses unwilling girls who are little more than sex slaves? Well, the first hint is a giant, locked and barred security door covered with Police Brotherhood Assocation stickers. That security door may be more about keeping the girls in than keeping the cops out. And the PBA stickers have no meaning, I mean anyone can get them and I don't want to go around saying that the cops condone this sort of thing.

Am I worried about us at The Business? Nah. These raids are a "feel good" PR campaign right before the local elections next month. Happens like clockwork in the fall - just like the roads getting repaved. "Re-Elect Mayor Douchbag - he's tough on crime!"

There's nothing to gain by bothering us because we fly below the radar. Raid an AMP and you get piles of cash, condoms, 3 tatooed henchmen, and 8 bewildered girls who are unaccustomed to sunlight blinking for the cameras. Raid a local parlor and all you'll get is some dirty sheets, a couple aromatherapy candles and 3 very pissed off girls.