Asian Massage Parlors

I finally got my first question the other day - it’s about time you guys started asking me stuff since I really don’t even know where to begin. So you wanna know about the Asian places, huh? Well that reminds me about what my co-worker Katy and I were talking about last night.

In our area of the state, we get a weekly rag called the Weekender. You’ve probably seen them – they’re given away free in grocery stores and gas stations. Mostly they cover local concerts, politics, movies etc. But if you look in the back pages, you’ll find all sorts of ads for strip clubs, massage parlors, and in some cities escort agencies. Periodically we scan the ads to see how the local competition is doing or if there’s a new shop in town.

There are always ads for the local Asian places. They usually go by the name of “Sauna,” “Spa” or “Accupressure.” Tip for you guys – any place that says accu-pressure is a code word for massage parlor. On the flip side – if you go to any place that says accu-puncture – don’t bother asking the 70 year old Chinese guy who works there for a happy ending.

The Asian places differ from other massage parlors in only a couple ways. First – they usually offer a “Table Shower” or “Body Shampoo.” This is where they lay you on a table in a giant shower stall, and scrub you from head to toe. Then they sometimes stick you in a sauna for a few minutes before taking you to the massage room. Keep in mind that all this pampering is taken out of your 60 minute session. What I hear from my customers is that the massage rooms always look like seedy little bedrooms instead of legit businesses with real massage tables. I have also heard from my customers that most of them are full service. Occasionally you’ll find one that’s happy ending only, but you can’t tell the difference from just looking through the window.

One way to find out if a massage business is full service is to have a female call them and ask for an appointment (or ask for your “wife”). They will make some lame excuse why they’re not taking appointments if they are full service. Happy-Ending-Only places may take the appointment if they need to appear legit. Sometimes we like to screw with the Asian places by calling them and trying to make appointments. We’ll keep insisting on coming in till they hang up on us.


Keep those questions coming!! Bye for now.

CJ