Friday, February 4, 2011

Confessions Of An Erotic Writer

After sitting around for several uneventful hours at work during a snow storm, I have decided to write a book. It's an action story about this girl who works as a tough-as-nails cop by day, and a high-end masseuse at night. I'm going to call it "Licensed To Thrill."

I got the idea from a guy who once asked me if I was secretly a cop trying to entrap customers. So my heroine "Aurora Sparks" is a high-priced masseuse at night, servicing the rich and powerful, including corrupt politicians, mob bosses, and drug kingpins. She gains their trust and gets secrets from them. Then during the day, she uses this information to bust them as detective "Melanie Sands."

So whadya think - would you read it? How about the Hollywood blockbuster starring Angelina Jolie as Aurora/Melanie? I would have that bearded guy from The Hangover Zach Galifianakis as her bumbling partner who's totally suspicious of where Melanie gets all her tips. I would totally see that in the theater.

This is what my brain gets up to when I'm stranded at work in a snow storm with nothing to do. Of course I could have been coming up with something for the blog, but I got totally carried away with this instead. And it didn't help that the only DVD we had lying around was a copy of The Hangover.

OK, back to handjob stories next week. Sorry.

CJ

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

Definitely!

It will be awesome. I will buy it and use it under my dogs Pee-Pee pads to make sure the pee and poop doesn’t get in the Travertine.

I will have to choose between stepping in an ant-pile and watching them rebuild or reading about Melanie Sands!

Anonymous said...

You may have covered this before, but I'm a newb here. What is the law that you/Aurora deal with? Is it illegal to give/get erotic massage?

christy said...

I think it would be a hilarious read and an excellent movie. Do it!

Anonymous said...

I think it would make for a great Skin-emax late night soft core porn movie starring Christine Nyugen and Beverly Lynne.

Anonymous said...

I would definitely read it, and I'd buy several copies to give my friends for Christmas.

If I'd known you were stranded at work, I'd have delivered a few pizzas to you and your coworkers. ;-)

AJ

Thrush said...

If Pam Anderson can do it, you definitely can.

James Cannon said...

hahaha.

That's freaking awesome.

I think the idea/plot has definite potential! It's a neat twist on the alter-ego police/spy type story. Make her Batman, but without the bat and belt, and with a good rack and skilled hands, instead. I think it'd work great.

I'm not sure Zack Galifinakas(sp?) would be the one... maybe the dude from Pineapple Express / Zach and Miri Make a Porno. Seth Rogan. He can be serious and still go nuts/comedic when needed... and he's known with a beard. Beards are funny. Totally an Angelina flick though. After Mr and Mrs Smith - it's a no brainer.

Anonymous said...

I can totally see Zack Galifinakas in a pimp outfit working undercover in a scene. Jokes would roll from that. Love the idea. Has everything you need to sell to a horny 16 year old kid. Sex, violence, comedy. While I like the choice of Angelina, I think you should go edgy and get someone that typically does disney roles. Go Ann Hathaway/Miley Cyrus/Hillary Duff. The combination of sex and teen star would blow the roof on the publicity angle.

Elizabeth said...

It sounds workable, but I think it would do better as a screenplay -- like one of your anons said, it'd be a great Skinemax/DTV "erotic thriller." I'm not trying to disparage your idea by saying that; I'm just thinking Hollywood might not go for it, because of the MPAA's weird prudish streak.

Check around, though, to make sure someone hasn't used this or a similar idea before.

Blain Garrison said...

I already want to read this. One of the main reasons I read your blog is because it is insight into a world I don't know or understand. A book like this could be that for many people, I think. You can mark me down for pre-order right now.

Anonymous said...

Not sure what to say about the book, but I find it interesting that hand job joints completely lose business during a snow day. A legit massage place would probably need customers coming in during a snow day, as their margins are pretty thin. Even for "happy ending" places here, they try to get advanced bookings and regulars to fill in the slow days.

Do you guys offer discounts for ultra-slow days like this? A few places in Ontario/Quebec do offer last-minute discounts during the winter, when tourists are in short supply.

Anonymous said...

Post suggestion: What was massage therapy school like? There's one near me that offers $30(!) 1 hr massages, although it's a crap shoot whether it's the student's first or last massage there. Did they ever talk about "the dark side?"

Anonymous said...

jessica biel.

Johnny said...

Of course your book would be amazing! And an unrated movie with Jessica Biel as you, CJ--well, the image certainly got *my* attention. But it would certainly be successful, and look at "Cody Diablo" and her best-selling book on the strip-club/jack-shack community. She certainly wasn't able to keep her anonymity, and you've more talent than she has.

. . . we all know that . . .

Sherlock Holmes said...

Sounds like a great book. I'd suggest you contact Hard Case Crime Publishers
http://www.hardcasecrime.com/
They publish new authors and have one book, Money Shot, written by a woman in the sex industry.
Go for it!

Anonymous said...

I think it is hilarious that a masseuse would write a book...i mean the 1st sentence in this post even left out a word and should have a semicolon. Aurora Sparks is more of a stripper/porn name. Do it!

Thumber said...

Two words. Graphic Novel.

Doug Fuller said...

That's a pretty interesting funny snow storm story..

tightend said...

CJ,

In my humble opinion, you should write a non-fiction account of your experiences.

Laura said...

If Melanie Sands were such a hardcore, ass-kicking police officer, wouldn't the crooks she massages at night recognize her face and know who she is? Seems way too flimsy a plot. Maybe iron out a few more details and give it more thought?

I also agree with a poster above: a non-fiction account of your experiences would be much more interesting to me. CJ > Aurora

Kenny S. said...

Sorry to say it CJ...but this blog has really jumped the shark. You haven't written about and erotic encoutner in over two months and rarely even post at all. I think you're about to start losing a lot of followers.

Kev D. said...

Obviously the partner would have to show up at one point for a massage, and that's how he finds out about her secret life.

The question is, does she finish him off or not?

Niteflyte said...

What an awesome blog! Just found it yesterday. I've been perusing, and haven't yet found the answer to this, so I'd like to ask (is this the place to ask? Don't see any "PM" options) -

I'm curious about FBSM. Although I'm a noob to the massage world, I've done a lot of research, and feel like I understand the massage parlor setup very well.

My question is in regards to the ladies who advertise for private FBSM. On "thatmall", the average rate seems to be around $150 - $200. From what I understand, they are NOT full service.

Here's the question -

If a rubntug can be had in a regular massage parlor for $40 plus 30-40 dollar tip, what is the appeal of paying twice or three times that for these private FBSMs?

I'm VERY curious about this.

thank you!!!

Just Visiting said...

CJ:

Gotta chime in with Kenny. I've loved this site, but you seem to be running out of stories, or interest, or both.

Your blog is starting to look like it's mostly run it's course - though it's been a good run. I hope I'm wrong.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to read more stories about you jerking guys off. I'm running out of fantasy material to jerk off to. Thanx.

Anonymous said...

Or busted in a raid three months ago...

Anonymous said...

Gotta agree with these other guys... I check back here every couple of days or so, but the posts are getting less and less frequent, and also less on topic. I suspect others feel the same way, and the readership may start to tank. Hope the blog stays alive, cause it has been a pretty good run!

Anonymous said...

CJ,

I love your Blog but I need help!
This place urban oasis in Chicago seems like a legit place but it boasts online that they give happy ending. I don't know if it's "that" kind of place or not. Ive been here before and it was a great massage but I wanna know if it's happy ending type.

P.S. The website is urbanoasis.biz if it helps

Thanks!

Thumber said...

@ Chicago Anon,

Urban Oasis is not the place for happy endings. Any place that offers prenatal massages is doing therapeutic massages only. Anyone that says they got a happy ending here is just telling stories.

Anonymous said...

CJ

make each chapter stand alone as a short story. That way you can serialize it.

if she wears a wig, the crooks will never look at her face if she makes a habit of always wearing a miniskirt and showing lots of cleavage at the parlor

-pat

Anonymous said...

@chicago anon. Pay the 40 at eroticmp.com and take most of the hassle out of finding a place.

Anonymous said...

CJ - What's going on with the lack of content. Is it because you are so happy with your new BFF?

You've not had good story since mid 2010.

I check back once a week or so to read your stories, but they've all been boring for a while now.

Please step it up or I'm gonna have to step out.

Love ya CJ

Jay said...

Hi CJ,
I was wondering if you could give me your opinion.
I saw an ad for massage from latina girls.
The location is in an apartment building.
What can i expect over there?
Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

CJ -

Pay no mind to the idiots that "love you" but simply want to critique how frequently you're posting or the topics you choose.

Your readers are here because we enjoy your thoughts and stories and we'll be here whenever you've got something to say! When you don't there's a whole interweb thingy full of interesting stuff!

I'm not much for cheesy detective movies (or books) but I'll be sure to redbox the Aurora Snow epic! Lots of skin and oil please :)

.dan

Anonymous said...

Oooh, and a scene with a Butt Release. And a Breast Release. And a handjob in the bathroom sink...

Ahh, and the scene where your character masturbates to explosive bliss in the treatment room while fantasizing about her partner's "nightstick" as he's receiving an intense mutual from the other super-hot girl working the business on the night he comes in by surprise and you barely avoid him and protect your identity.

OK then. I guess I do like cheesy detective movies - at least in a massage parlor ;)

oil. skin. film. oscar.

.dan

How to seduce Women said...

Eh eh.. jessica biel

Anonymous said...

gina carrano or anna kornikova

Dude said...

Ok, is anyone else starting to wonder what happened to CJ? Has she ever gone this long without a post?

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, yes. Sometimes posts take a while. But, to give CJ credit, she hasn't tried to monitize this site and we are just a bunch of curious (horny?) lurkers, so the reality is she can post whenever she feels like it. Frustrating though, because I really like reading the new stories...

Anonymous said...

Well there have been a few more busts in the vicinity of Reading where CJ claims to be. Maybe she's just staying real low for now or maybe the business is closed to stay safe for a bit of time. We can only hope that all is well and to hear from her soon.

Heather said...

Hi CJ,
I came across your blog as I was searching the net on how to get a happy ending for myself (I am a woman). One of my strangely worded google searches brought me here to you. Who knew that I was one of the only chicks in the freaking world this seems to have occurred to (at least none are talking about it)??
Now that I know the lingo, it may just happen! Do you have any women clients (if you have mentioned it, I missed it--sorry)?

I stayed to read, and really enjoy, the rest of your blog. It's funny and well written.

Shannon Rae said...

Yup, starting to worry....

Anonymous said...

Anyone know of any raids in southeastern PA in the past couple of weeks?

Anonymous said...

Here's one from a week after CJ's last post, one was an AMP, one was not.

http://articles.mcall.com/2011-02-11/news/mc-schuylkill-county-massage-parlors-20110211_1_massage-parlors-prostitution-related-aroma-spa

(not sure how to link)

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I guess if she got raided and an article pointed out names, we may never see a post here again, so we would never know. Hopefully CJ is just off on a nice vacation somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I guess if she got raided and an article pointed out names, we may never see a post here again, so we would never know. Hopefully CJ is just off on a nice vacation somewhere.

Rich said...

The problem I see with your story is that the masseuse and cop look the same. You make a bust or two and the word is out and then you're only a cop. I suppose if you wore a mask during massages you could go on with the dual life. It's not real believable, and I would have difficulty with it. This obviously is not criticism - it's just an opinion. I love your blog.

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