Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Honeymoon Is Over

After weeks and weeks and weeks of getting laid on a regular basis... it looks like the honeymoon is finally over. I finally had to throw Derek's ass out. Don't get me wrong, we're not broken up or anything - I just couldn't stand him constantly parking his butt at MY place every night. I mean, it was totally convenient to have him there when I wanted to get laid (which was pretty damn often I'm embarrassed to admit, but you can't blame me after my year long dry spell) but it was the after wards that got to me.

I've never been one for cuddling or pillow talk so it was totally irritating that he was still there in the morning. EVERY morning. Heck, I could have tolerated 4 nights a week, but he planted himself here every night about a month into the honeymoon phase.

So now he's at his place and our current agreement is 1 weekday night and 1 weekend night. Plus, I get the option of any night at his place - as long as I can tolerate his roomies . They're OK, but I'm not dating them.

But the good news is that now I'll have way more time to write! I have to admit that I kinda missed the luxury of coming home after a particularly trying day at work and have the ability to just spill my guts about it to the computer. With Derek here, I couldn't exactly do that.

But with him around all the time, I had to talk about things in a sort of coded generic way:

"Today was a waste" = tips sucked
"I'm exhausted" = Don't even think of asking for a handjob
"My 2 o'clock was a total bitch" = He tried to cum in my hair
"I need a shower" = I smell like semen
"I'm paying for drinks!" = I had a breast release today
"I'm paying for dinner!" = I had 2 breast releases, a mutual, and a foot fetish guy
"Cindy had a good day" = I could hear her fucking a guy in the room
"Maude was in a mood" = Maude was in a mood

It's amazing how writing on a regular basis about work acted as a kind of therapy for me. It calms me down, and helps me put things in perspective. I mean, there were days when I would come home literally shaking with anger, and after a few minutes of writing about it I would start to feel better. With Derek around I had to rely on a more mundane form of therapy - getting laid.

Hmmmmmmmm... type on a computer or fuck my brains out?

Oh shit... Derek - Come back!



Shannon Rae said...


MelissaBlade said...

Hey CJ,

Love the code phrases! You should definitely publish this stuff.
xoxo Mel

Advizor54 said...

I'll admit to liking both of your therapy options, but if i was getting laid, the blog would die, so, for now, i'm posting almost every day.


Joker_SATX said...

There is this tune by K.T. Oslin called "Live close by, visit often". I immediately thought of this post and that song...ROTFLMAO!

Marcus Myself said...

Life really can be a bitch sometimes. I have been married for so long now that I can't remember what it is like to have the apartment all to myself. Perhaps that is why I enjoy your post so much - freedom vicariously!
Enjoy both the freedom and the fuckfest.

Anonymous said...

if he does something really nice for you or did something you really liked would he get the breast release or do you save that for work?

Tom Moran said...

Liked this post. You're a funny girl (and I have tickets for Mega Millions and Powerball so maybe I'll find out for myself someday).

Allen said...

I found this blog a couple months ago and I've finally gotten myself caught up. Funny stuff. Except the parts that aren't supposed to be funny, of course. Either way, I've certainly enjoyed reading this blog, otherwise I wouldn't have kept reading to get caught up.

Anyway, I was wondering if I could get an opinion from you or another commenter on whether an ad from Craigslist looks full service or not:

The ad has been there for a week (I first found it just before leaving town for a few days), so in case it disappears before you get a chance to see, here's what it says:

certified and licensed
Come see me and get a nice relaxing massage!
If you have back aches, sore muscles or just need to relax, call me!
I have a private office located in Fresno.
Swedish or deep tissue 60/hr or 40/half
Mon-Sun 9-7pm
call to make an appointment
THANK YOU , have a great day!

Then it lists their phone numbers. It's two ladies advertising together, so they each have a separate phone number to call. At the bottom there's also a picture of each of them. Both young and pretty. I called the one on the right since she was dressed more provocatively and showing plenty of cleavage, figuring that if either of them offered full service maybe she's more likely.

It went to voice mail that said either she was just busy or in a massage and to leave a message, so I did that and I'm waiting for a call back. (Who knows if she's even working on a Sunday since I'm sure the hours they listed means at least one of them is working during those hours but not necessarily both.)

When she calls back I'll certainly ask the right questions to try to find out what she offers. In the mean time I just figured I could probably get at least a second opinion here, too.

At first, the "certified and licensed" part made me figure it was legit, but the emphasis on relaxing made me wonder. That and the fact that the girl I decided to call looks like she made an effort to look sexy in her picture, and I would have a hard time believing that a legit masseuse would do that.

The hours (9-7) also discouraged me since the not-so-legit places tend to stay open later (the two I've found stay open til 10), but if it really is just these two ladies running their own thing, a 10 hour work day is already a lot, assuming they don't both work every single day to each have shorter shifts. And I can't imagine they both work 7 days a week.

Anonymous said...

LOL. Allen, you put too much thought into it. Try it out - either she offers what you're looking for and you are prepared with a wad of cash for the extras and options, or she doesn't and you simply spend $40-60 for a relaxing massage from a pretty CMT.

CJ, you mean you spend my breast release money buying that bum Derek drinks and meals? What the $%*#, I thought that was for your college fund!



Allen said...

Actually I really didn't put that much thought into it. Took a whole lot longer to write out those thoughts than the few seconds it took to have the thoughts. I was gonna try it out anyway, but figured I'd ask for another opinion while I wait for a call back.

But yeah, even if it's legit, at least my upper back especially could use a good massage, so it certainly wouldn't be a lost endeavor.

Anonymous said...

To anyone trying to find a local parlor or get more insight on how to act to get the services you want, go to I am not an employee nor do I get any benefit, but i found this site after a couple of failed craigslist attempts and have never looked back. There are many completely legit places out there that might give off a vibe, but I think thats just to keep you coming back and hoping you might get more someday. Save yourself the time (and money) and just go to a review site like the one I mention. Alternatively, try instead of craigslist. After all the attention craigslist got for their adult sections, I think everyone moved to backpage.

Just my 2 cents

-A successful hobbyist

Anonymous said...

I am a WOMAN, not a prude. I was completely stunned when I saw photos 1 year ag of my husband of 28 yrs on a date with his Asian Massage 'friend'. I never questioned the AMPs. I believed he worked hard, and should have this 'pampering' relaxation. He suggested I go, I went once. He was not able to have sex with me (which made me sad)due to ED, I knew he went to AMPs,he had a favorite, was very 'friendly' with one. The photos I saw opened a whole nightmare and is ending our marriage. I have researched AMPs and the practices, terms, advertising, in the past year, trying to see how I was so stupid. I am not a prude. The thing that hurt was my 'impotent' husband was taking his 'friends' on lovely dates, to places I would like to go. They LOVED having photos taken to send home. The Mamasan was very possessive and left voice messages on his cell phone. He had dropped hints in the past about 'accidently' stumbling into an outcall situation (but said he left), he was checking my reaction. He would use 'fantasies' during his one sided 'release' (I would pleasure him, often, but he could not last long enough for sex and would describe Asian women, all ages, some lactating, wanted me to describe how I would be with them. I later found his porn habit included mostly Asian fantasy and all ages, a lot of Lactation and Urination. I thought the 'talk' was just a tool he used to get off and needed more and more language to climax. I was destroyed to see the 'date' photos. He also invited the whole 'business of 6-7' women to a work party, I stepped aside while he danced with all of them. I did not know until the first pictures of his 'date' and I checked on what happens at AMPs and other Erotic Massage parlors. He had a habit, fliers printed up for 'discounts' all used language and symbols that look provacative. I realized the Photos were STOCK photos. Out where we live, Pretty, Young Asian, Latino, Table Showers and all of the buzz words were used. I found incall/outcall services. I saw these places dimly lit, no foot traffic, back door entrance, 7am-1am, neon, no traffic on every corner in our 'nice, family community' I saw stacks of fliers in his 'brief case', he told me often he was going to get a 'massage' leaving work for a couple of hours. I was always supportive. I was a good wife, felt lonely and missed having sex, did not have a CLUE. I think it must have started with a porn habit, then his first happy ending- that could have been a surprise. I am sure it was ongoing and it evolved into full fledged relationships (the mamasan had him drive her to the airport, he took her out, and after I left, she was in my bed, my pool and thought of him as her man - and her girls were like his haram). He was angry at me when I confronted him, said I couldn't tell him who to be friends with. We are getting divorced. I would not have divorced him had he not crossed the line of having a 'personal' intimate dating relationship. He has serious health issues lately. In an attempt to recover my family, I was 'close' to him recently. I am writing because I wish I had this information years ago. As 'business' pop up on every corner, every strip mall, ads in Craigslist under Therapeutic. He had a chronic habit. He could go to church and go for a massage in the same hour. I am happy to have this blog as a resource. I honestly had NO idea. The sad thing is, my son just returned from Asia and was there to help young girls sold into slavery. He had no way to know his dad was living this life. I am all for everyone making their own decisions as consenting adults. But, how many years was I in effect sleeping with, exposed to every man these 'women' were exposed to? He would never use a condom and I am sure still does not.Goes to many places in many towns.I am curious about this. I wish I had the information sooner. What do you think?

Anonymous said...

Hi Anonymous, great post. I'm sorry to hear about your husband, but you made the correct decision. You were brave and very strong to end it. Do you have a blog of your own? If not, you should consider it. You wrote interestingly and well.

Anonymous said...

oh PJ is the name :]

A Daft Scots Lass said...

WTF is I had 2 breast releases and "a mutual"

Marcus Myself said...

Ooooh, a mutual. Yes Please! That is my idea of the perfect massage experience. I have no interest in fs - I just love to touch - even more then I like being touched. Sometimes I think I would prefer giving the massage to receiving it.