Help Wanted

I really need to update this damn thing more often. Every time I sit down I realize just how much crap is going on, and when I start to talk about one thing, I forget about something else.

For example, last weekend you guys were in severe danger of getting my first drunken post. It was late at night and I was nursing a really good buzz when I thought "Hey! I should write something about that thing that was soooo funny..." which is how all good ideas start right? Lucky for you guys, before I could save it, Derek walked in on me and in a drunken panic I ended up hitting the power button. If I had been logged onto blogger, it would have been saved, but I was writing it on notepad.

Anyway, I'm sure it was the most profound and interesting stuff I had ever said. Oh well.

But now that I'm sober and boring, I can tell you about the parade of winners that have been coming here looking for a job. Now that Cindy's gone, Audrey told her sister Maude to start looking for a replacement. It's really not that hard either since we get 1 or 2 girls a week who stop by looking for a job.

In this line of work we can't exactly put an ad in the "Help Wanted" section. But if we could, it would probably look something like this:

HELP WANTED
We have an immediate opening for an experienced Masseuse at a small boutique spa discretely located next to the freeway where you will enjoy a hands-on experience with our exciting all-male clientele. License a plus, but not required. Must be willing to work nights and weekends. Uniform optional. Literally.

Unfortunately, we can't do that, so the closest we can do is say "Now Hiring" in our bi-monthly ad in the local free paper. In fact, you'll notice in a lot of ads for adult-oriented services, there will be a "Now Hiring" somewhere in there. Go look in your local yellow pages under "escort" and you'll probably see what I mean.

So the other day, Maude gets the order from Audrey to start gathering contact info from girls looking for work. Maude had never done anything like this before, so she went on the internet and did some research on hiring. Let me tell ya, that woman certainly takes her job seriously. So seriously in fact that she actually downloaded some generic "Application for Employment" sheets from the internet.

Now I've worked in places where the 3 requirements for employment were:

1) Tits
2) Ass
3) Nothing else

So you should have seen the look on these girls faces when Maude handed them a clipboard and said "Fill this out." It was basically 2 pages of contact info, job experience, references, and my personal favorite - "Why do you want to work here?" Trina and I found that one so funny that we spent an entire afternoon making up answers including:

"Because crack ain't free"
"They cut my hours at the strip club"
"My ex would never find me here"
... and my personal favorite...
"I'm a people person"

Honestly, I don't give a rats ass who they end up hiring at this point - as long as she shows up on time, doesn't steal my purse, or eat my food in the fridge. Is that sad or what?

And to make things more interesting, Audrey asked Trina and I to actually pick the next girl. Fun. I can't wait to start reading those applications. Maybe we can turn it into a drinking game where you have to chug every time someone lists their probation officer under "references."

CJ