Thursday, June 2, 2011

Confessions Of An Erotic Employer

We've had 6 girls in here so far, and each one worse than the other. I mean, what happened to all the good old fashioned, all-American, erotic masseuses? I'm talking about a girl with her massage license who can work all the knots out of your back, discuss sports and politics, crack a joke, and stroke a cock while looking good in high heels. Is that too much to ask for?

At this point I'm just looking for a girl who doesn't have any missing teeth or needle tracks. And if you think I'm just being picky, you should try applying at a male-owned parlor. The interview usually consists of a blowjob.

I've talked to Trina about this, and we've both decided to drag this out as long as possible. Yes, the current hours suck since we have to divide up all the shifts between the 2 of us, but things aren't that busy yet. I figure we'll have till the end of this month before we'll need the help. Besides, it would be impossible to take time off during the summer without an extra girl or 2.

Audrey is bitching that she wants someone NOW, but only because she's afraid we're losing appointments. She even offered to come back and help us work the sweet shifts on the weekends (of course). Gawd forbid she would offer to take a Wednesday night when NO ONE shows up. Oh well, it's nice to be the owner...

Anyway, the quality of applicants is lacking to say the least. We did get a girl in here who was working at one of the non-Asian places that got busted last year. I said no because even though she had experience, she was used to working full-service and she looked pretty skanky in my opinion. A couple other girls were obvious druggies. And then there was one girl who had a pretty interesting story.

"Candy" was a stripper from Florida who moved back in with her parents here in PA. She hasn't found work at any of the local clubs, so that's when she turned to us. When I asked her if she had any other experience besides dancing she said "Well, I did do a bit of acting."

Acting?

Turns out Candy was working the local porn scene down in Florida. Now when I heard "porn" I immediately thought of school girl outfits, pizza delivery boys, and hairy old men wearing lots of gold chains (goes to show what I know of today's adult movies). Candy said it wasn't like that at all. She said she would occasionally get parts in what she called "Reality Porn" movies.

Apparently there's a type of porn that's supposed to look like real people having candid sex. College kids, horny housewives, leaked sex tapes, etc. The way Candy describes it, it's all a very elaborate hoax. And in fact, it's probably even more produced and scripted than regular fuck-n-suck porn.

She would play background parts like bachelorette party girl, or drunken sorority slut. Her job was to pretend to be a "friend" of the movies actual star and pretend to be shocked by her outrageous behavior. The hardcore sex parts were played by real porn stars - usually girls who were just breaking into the industry. Candy said she would get anywhere between a hundred bucks for "Anonymous Girl" and up to several hundred for "Horny Friend" if she got naked and danced on camera.

Now you're all probably wondering why we didn't hire her on the spot. Remember - I'm looking for a girl who's gonna show up on time and do her best not to lose any customers. To be honest, strippers typically make lousy masseuses. They're never on time, and they always skip their shifts when the club calls. But on the plus side, she's NOT full service, she would be incredibly entertaining to have around, and she's local. I actually liked her personally, I just don't think she would be a good fit for us.

Currently my favorite girl has previous massage experience, but has never done happy endings before. She's not licensed, so she was the first one laid off at the spa she used to work at. Trina didn't like her, but I did. But I'll keep you posted. Like I said, we'll try to postpone anyone getting hired for at least another month.

CJ

18 comments:

Lost.in.Idaho said...

I love the line about what you're looking for. Oh, is that all? Ha.

Good luck. Only 2 people working sounds hectic and yeah, as a business owner I'd be stressed too. Why isn't SHE busting ass and doing all the interviews/screening/etc?

Anyway, there's my rant.

My Own Private Idaho

MelissaBlade said...

I'm curious, do all the applicants know exactly what type of massage place this is? I'm sure it's obvious but there are some clueless people out there. I've actually had some clients who were shocked when I gave them their release.

SomeGuy said...

To be honest, strippers typically make lousy masseuses.

I don't know, a lot of the strippers I've "known" have been pretty good and handjobs.

Anonymous said...

stop being judgmental and give the stripper a chance!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Give her a chance and take her on a month's probation. she may prove you wrong.

The regular said...

Take on the stripper, She would be a great source of blog fodder.

Mark said...

Wouldn't "she was used to working full-service and she looked pretty skanky in my opinion" be a somewhat reasonable description of Cindy? I realize skanky is subjective, but "tattoos, piercings, and giant fake breasts" at least hints in that direction.

cj said...

Lost,
Audrey pretty much doesn't get involved anymore. Believe me - I'm not complaining.


Melissa,
Our place is pretty well camouflaged so that anyone walking in off the street probably wouldn't think twice. But our reputation and advertisements make it obvious we're a parlor. And that's why we get so many girls coming in here looking for jobs.

Customers are another story. We routinely get people in here who have no idea.


Everyone else,
I knew I shouldn't have said anything about a stripper. I've just had so many bad experiences working with them before that I just don't want to go through it again. Sure, a dancer may give a good handjob - but will she show up to work on time, and not call out "sick" every time the club offers her an extra shift?

Anyone can give a handjob. But not everyone is a decent worker.


Mark,
Yeah well... You know... We all love Cindy.


CJ

Anonymous said...

Hello there, I found your blog on google. I'm from PA too. I was wondering how to apply at massage parlours? I am 20 and currently a college student and wants to work. I applied at strip clubs as cocktail waitress, but haven't heard from them yet.

Anonymous said...

Applying for the job. Experience: my dog wags his tail whenever I pet him so I'm pretty sure I can give a good massage. I've been giving myself happy endings since I was 9. Got my technique down pat. I'd say my tits are about an A-cup. So your regulars that are into your rack won't leave you for me. I look pretty good in a dress an don't mind getting naked in front of strangers. So you know I'm not shaving my beard or my tits.

Anonymous said...

CJ did you see this???? Wtf would you do if that happened to you?? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1394481/CSI-actor-Douglas-Brian-Irvin-Jr-pretends-real-cop-sex-masseuse.html

soccer said...

Good luck.. nice post

Anonymous said...

CJ, have you ever had an interview with a massage parlor owner that was a man?

Did you go through with it?

Zoe said...

I wished I lived in your area! I worked as an independent erotic masseuse for a while; I LOVE your blog, I can relate in so many ways! I always wanted to work in a parlor because I felt that it may be something with a little more stability. Something more business like would have made me feel more legitimate and comfortable. I never got around to getting certified though, and all the parlors around here are AMPs or owned by a sketchy guy who's nothing more than a pimp.

Anonymous said...

Saw this, thought of you (CJ): http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NY8mjDRai_k/TeqJ36kQVVI/AAAAAAAAPB8/rUrtpFcNX4E/s1600/happyending.jpg

Mette said...

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Mette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LadyBug said...

Crazy story!!