Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I'm Back. (Maybe)

Audrey called me today.

And she called yesterday. In fact she's been calling a lot lately. I think it's because she's convinced she's wearing me down and may get me to come back to The Business soon.

She may be right. We've actually been "talking" for several months now, but most of it was just trivial chit chat. When I first stormed out of work in what seems like an eternity ago, I absolutely wanted nothing to do with her, and wouldn't pick up any of her calls.

But after a few months when I had gotten over it, we started chatting again. We both figured out the secret was to totally NOT discuss anything to do with work. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy chatting with Audrey. She may be a two-faced, lying, cheating, and stealing whore - BUT she's a very friendly and interesting two-faced, lying, cheating and stealing whore.

Keep in mind that I've known this woman for my entire career in erotic massage. It's not easy to just say I'm never going to speak to someone, but it is easy to say I'm never setting foot in that door again. In fact, I've said that many a time - and often in a very loud and slightly screechy voice too. So continuing to talk to Audrey every now and then was never really a big deal to me.

Now to you guys out there, it's a different story. I would be lying if I didn't think talking about her would make me sound hypocritical or whatever. That's why I never brought it up till now. I knew some of you would give me shit for being weak and not sticking to my guns, etc. So that's why I've finally decided to confess it now.

And partly because I've been thinking seriously about going back to work for her. The little "problem" that resulted in me walking out has been gone for a long time now. Audrey learned her lesson and I made my point. This also means that I can finally get around to explaining why I left The Business.

But I think I'll save that story for after Thanksgiving dinner. Right now let me just admit that going independent was pretty damn rough on all aspects of my life. My schedule was unpredictable. The money was either feast or famine. A couple of times I feared for my safety because of the customer, or just the location. And a big reason was probably the slow erosion of my personal boundaries and self esteem. After all this time on my own, I started to feel less and less like a masseuse and more like a whore.

Well maybe not so much a whore as whore-light. But either way, it got to the point where I absolutely dreaded each new appointment. I mean at first, it was fun. I felt liberated. I felt free. I loved the feeling of knowing that I could now do whatever I wanted and live by MY rules instead of Audrey's. But eventually it degenerated into a daily struggle over how much of my self-respect will I auction off today.

The first appointments on my own were actually really fun for me. No clock watching. No reason to be hush-hush. No worrying about getting caught by Audrey bending a rule.

By the time I had my little breakdown, each session felt like torture. No you can't put that there. Get that out of my eye. Are you through yet? You're getting too rough. That hurts. Suddenly I wanted a clock to watch. I wanted these guys to settle down. I wanted someone elses "rules" I could hide behind. To put it quite plainly, I wanted The Business back.

And I think Audrey figured it out during the course of our occasional telephone calls. So she eventually asked if I wanted to come back, and I told her I'd think about it. I mean, it's hardly a done deal. There are a LOT of changes that need to be made first before I'll come back. But we'll see. I know Trina misses me.

But mostly I want to come back because of the hours. You try meeting a customer on his back porch at exactly 7:55 a.m. after parking your car 2 blocks away behind the Taco Bell. That got old real quick.

CJ

46 comments:

Advizor54 said...

The last paragraph says it all. Funny and tragic at the same time. Go back on your own terms, she needs you, and you know that now. Good Luck

Anonymous said...

Glad to see ur back and sounds like you're in a little more of a positive head space. And advisor54 is right, she needs you, you will never be in a better bargaining position. If you haven't told her too much about how you struggled on your own, make sure she understands the parts you really liked about it... even if it's not true

Anonymous said...

I've been waiting for an update for so long now! Score! haha.

The two above are right, she knows now she needs you. Hopefully things will lead for the better.

Anonymous said...

In the past you have done some posts about etiquette for customers at a parlor. I would be interested in your thoughts on etiquette for outcall independent massage. Did any client manage to keep things ok? What would your ideal client do/not do?

Anonymous said...

Great news. I think you go back during the day and go finish your education at night. I worked in the clubs as a stripper (NO SEX) while going to law school and let me tell you NOTHING gets you ready to work over a jury or a judge like stripping. Even the women in on the jury want to see me naked,,Talk about power. The same as when you look down at your client with his manhood in your hand.......he is ready to give you the world..........
Are you ready to see women yet????? I could use a sweet Happy Ending TOOOOOOO

Harold said...

Glad to see an update from you, CJ! I'm sorry to hear that being independent has been so rough on you. If you do go back to the business, just let it be on your own terms. I hope things work out well for you!

Frank said...

CJ.

Glad to see an update. Echoing others above it would be great for you to go back on your terms. Have a happy thanksgiving and I look forward to more posts after the holiday

MrMike said...

As always, I'm very happy to see a new post from you. I like the ending, as Advizor said. I think this sentence is a typical example of one of the things I like about your style:
"She may be a two-faced, lying, cheating, and stealing whore - BUT she's a very friendly and interesting two-faced, lying, cheating and stealing whore."
I look forward to reading The Story. (Do I risk going on line and reading this from my mother-in-law's?"

And, if you are taking questions:
Any comments on shaft versus tip?

Anonymous said...

Set your terms and get this life of urs back on track.

PT said...

Fuck Marry Kill

Steven Colbert

Jon Stewart

Bill O'Reilly

Anonymous said...

So how low did you end up going as an independent? I dont think you came clean? Were there BJs or more than just some finger banging?

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I dont agree with what u do in the least and I'd even say I dispize it but as a woman I would strongly encourage you to return to the safety of the business. Someone once said CJ no little girl and no woman is safe in a world full of men. Stay safe.

Tom in NH said...

Welcome back CJ and I hope you have a nice, peaceful Thanksgiving. Loved and laughed when I read the "whore lite" comment!

Tom Moran said...

Sounds to me like you want to go back and she wants you to come back. So I would go back if you want to -- but on your terms. She needs you more than you need her. And what do you need? The material. :)

Anonymous said...

she clearly has to make up something of why she left.

does anyone buy the fact that she'll "confess" to getting finger banged and shot in the face but oh no, i cant talk about why i left!

happy thanksgiving whore. do your boyfriend a favor and be honest with him rather than the internet.

Anonymous said...

Ive been who seeing the same things. Don't get it at all. Something just doesn't jive.???

Anonymous said...

CJ, I am an ex-masseuse, and now a social worker. My best advice ? Go back to the Business on your own terms, but study part-time and pursue your dreams. You would be a wonderful writer. You could do SO MUCH. You are a talented, ambitious and fierce girl.

Emma from Quebec.

Tanya said...

Come on people, she basIcally said so much in that post. She was feeling like a whore= Bjs, sex. All of it. Anyone who believes any different is plain idiotic. And it was also nice to hear cj finally admit she's a whore. Good luck to you cj. Go back to the business. It's much safer for you there.

brickhenry999@gmail.com said...

fuck it, author is a lifer. unable to break the cycle.

too bad, another life wasted.

hopefully you can live to a ripe old tired old whore age that all the young chicks laugh at behind her back (i've worked in strip clubs) rather than dead in a dumpster.

because one's a tragic waste, and the other's just a tragedy.

Anonymous said...

Like others have said I think its a good idea to go back on your own terms. You'll be safer and have more consistent income. Maybe you can think about buying the business from her again?

Anonymous said...

CJ made another post! Let the trolling be- oh, never mind

KasanovaRN said...

Hello beautiful,

I hope during the time you hit rock bottom that you used safe precautions during each activity/extracurricular movement that was involved. I'm concerned about your physical and emotional health. Protect yourself at all times....Go Hogs and beat LSU on Friday... Happy thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

beautiful? you've seen what she looks like?

oh wait, you havent. Unbelievable how roped in you are and think she is.

She could have a horse face for all you know

Journey Of A Phone Sex Worker said...

Hello. I am excited to find your blog. I had read in the past and then lost the link. You are a great writer. I recently entered the phone sex operator world and while its not nearly what you do I am nervous.

Anonymous said...

Whore

Danny_Boy said...

Those who read this should know that Thanksgiving weekend is big business for the Business. So CJ returning is a benefit to Audrey and CJ. Dollars to doughnuts CJ is back at work. Hopefully she got most of what she wanted from Audrey. And hopefully she'll have new stories.

Guljar said...

Nice one,i am impressed.
Want to give message gift to your dearest one?Find a lot of here.Visit,
message gift

Madam May said...

I'm really glad I found this blog. As someone who works in phone sex, it's a challenge to find others who are working in an industry doing what other folks do for fun, and the long grueling tedium of it getting to you. I also really relate to the urges to go independent but the struggles that come with the added freedom. keep up the great blog.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand how these massage parlor girls like CJ don't consider themselves whores and their limits are even weirder.

I've been frequenting a russian massage parlor, and after my 2nd visit, I have this chick, butt naked, positioned like a doggy on the massage table with her ass sticking out, and the bitch is getting licked good, and shuddering in pleasure. When I asked to return the favor, she said she won't suck my cock, because it's personal, go figure!!

LP said...

I think going back will be the best thing for you, at least there is some level of safety and structure there. It is so important to have some rules otherwise the clients/customers think it's a free for all.

I been reading your posts for a couple of months now and it sort of helped prepare me for some of what was to come as I recently started providing happy endings with massage and I have been writing about that. I actually find that I despise doing it but it is what it for now. I must say you are one tough lady to be able to still do this after the crap some of these people try to pull. Hang in there

Anonymous said...

Slut

Joe said...

Regarding "I've been frequenting a russian massage parlor" etc. --

Jeez, what an asshole!

Anonymous said...

CJ! Please, please dont slip into your erratic posting schedule! We like updates!

Anonymous said...

Good update, hope it works out! To all those calling names like "whore" etc. - get a life. Most all sex work is legal in a lot of more enlightened countries. If you want to be really insulting you could call someone "politician"

adm.fookbar said...

http://youtu.be/MDthMGtZKa4

Shannon Rae said...

I'm dying to know if Black Friday weekend is more or less profitable on your own than working at the business?

Anonymous said...

Whore whore whore! A ducks a duck right? We don't tell the duck she's a swan because she has wings.

Joe said...

Get a life, will ya?

(Speaking to the last anonymous commenter)

Anonymous said...

the ones here saying 'whore' or 'slut' or any derogatory terms at CJ got cheated on or is a woman that feels insecure about herself. get a life!!

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked at the name-calling! I recently ended a great multi-year run with my massage-gal of choice, but mostly because I'm 65 and can't keep burning the candle at both ends.

Sure she took money, but she gave me so much: sexual thrills (duh!); a person to talk about sex with in an intimate and helpful way; a feeling that I was a handsome guy with an amazing touch (blarney, sure, but it worked); a skill-set that I took home to the wife; and an appreciation for the benefits sex-workers offer to society.

Anonymous said...

If you had a daughter would you let her jerk guys off behind her boyfriend's back? I don't mean to be rude. I'm curious what you think.

Anonymous said...

Don't call it a cumback.

LittleMiss said...

I found this blog a little while back through a friend, and have just finished reading every post. I must say, while I don't approve of what you do for a living (and would KILL my husband if I found out he'd gone to one!), it is your life and your body. You can do what you wish with it. It upsets me to see people calling you a whore just for what you do. Everyone has different standards, and you seem to have yours well laid out, at least from what I have read. My two cents: Go back to The Business on your terms, but also go back to school for another profession (like others have said). However, if there's no other profession you prefer to that of massage therapist... have you considered moving? Perhaps legit jobs elsewhere would be more lucrative than where you are. I know down here massage therapists make good money. Don't limit yourself! I wish you the best, and will be checking back for updates :)


P.S. To those who say she's trying to make up a story as to why she left The Business in the first place... I know from personal experience that traumatic or extremely upsetting events are HARD to recount to people, even if you're anonymous. Give her a break.

ashwaria said...

I am glad to know these things.Its truly pleasant to be part of this blog.Minnesota Strippers.

Anonymous said...

she is trying to make up a story... and i'm still not convinced that cj is a real person. might be a character.

Anonymous said...

I think it's actually a man telling about his experiences with massage parlors and that's why the boundaries change, stories are inconsistent and "CJ"'s warped view of fidelity. It's all different masseuses and I think it's him who stopped going to The Business and started getting outcall massages.