Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Happy Mother Fucking Valentines Day



Look guys... sorry if you think the blog has become a bummer lately, but I've been a little preoccupied. I mean nowadays not much seems funny or even fun, so it's been hard to sit down and try to think of something to talk about. I really really really didn't want to talk about Derek and our fucked up situation but every time I try to talk about anything else, it always comes right back to it.

So I'm going to just say screw it and just get it over with. I'm really upset with what's going on and I'm not sure how we're going to get through it. This has been a pretty miserable couple of weeks, and it all started with that fucked up shit we call St. Valentines Day.

I wonder how many sad stories start off with that? Anyway, it all started a couple days before the 14th when Derek started dropping hints about a little "surprise" he was planning. Well that's fine and dandy, but I worked the evening shift on the 14th and only assumed he meant before or after.

But oh nooooooooo... he wanted to do something AT work. I mean sending flowers is one thing, but he actually wanted to come down and take me out to dinner. I was like "No... I'm working." Well, he started to argue that since I'm the new boss, I should be able to do whatever I want and let the other girls handle it without me.

Now Derek may know the address of where I work, and he knows I'm friends with Trina. BUT, he does not know that this "spa" only has a crew of 2 and a half girls plus 1 receptionist (yes - Cindy is still a "half" but that's another story). And on the night shift it's hard to explain how the place runs with just 1 girl.

So I kept telling him to just let it go. Work is work and he can have before or after. Even if it wasn't fucking Valentines Day, I still wouldn't want him to see me in the middle of a work day. For the next 8 hours I am "CJ" - fun loving and highly skilled erotic masseuse. The other 16 hours I can be Derek's girlfriend. And during those 8 hours, I often have to do, say, and think things that I don't really want to do, say or think about afterwards.

I guess you can say I have a different persona at work, and stepping in and out of it isn't exactly easy. Normally I have 3o minutes in the morning to get into it and 30 minutes in the evening to get out. And that routine has worked just fine for me for years. So I want Derek to just show up in the middle of a work day as much as I would want my mom.

"So why don't you want me to see you at work!" he finally screamed at me.

And that's when things got ugly. Partly because he yelled at me, but mostly because of the real answer to that question. Don't get me wrong - I've felt guilty before about my chosen profession, but never before quite like this. I mean I felt BAD.

And I hated him for it.

And that's where things left off. I haven't seen him, but we have spoken on the phone a few times. And we've exchanged A LOT of text messages. I mean that's gotta be worth something, right?

What it boils down to is that he still hasn't put 2 and 2 together regarding me and my exotic lifestyle. I can probably chalk that up to the fact that he has absolutely no concept of what the number 2 really means, and why that would be associated with little old me. His innocence is definitely one of his most endearing charms - and another reason why I go through such pains to keep my work life as far away from my home life as possible.

Derek once told me that when he was a kid, he cried for days when someone said there is no Santa Claus. So just imagine what any single story from this blog might do to him...

... And this is why I'm thinking very seriously about how I want to proceed at this point. Is it worth maintaining the lie just for us to crash and burn later? Or is this just the Good Lord's way of letting me get out of this situation rather easily? I mean - it is what it is. We lasted a damn good long time (for me anyway). And it was pretty nice while it lasted.

I asked you guys for "advice" a couple weeks ago, and at the time I was just trying to be funny. But then I saw just how serious some of your responses were. And I even had some honest talks with some of you by email. But now that all this has happened, it's not funny anymore.

Sorry if I can't squeeze a happy ending out of this story. Maybe next time.

CJ

79 comments:

Anonymous said...

A whore by any other name is a still a whore.

mdcraig62 said...

You should really delete the option for leaving an 'anonymous' post.

Ok, think you are losing me CJ. You have kinda lost me a while back, if this is really true, it's sad. If you are not going to tell him, walk away now.

Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog for a while now and I've enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry about your troubles with Derek. We all come to a cross road in our lives, where we have to weigh our options and make a decision. I hope you can make the right decision for yourself and be at peace. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

CJ, first off, I found your blog a few weeks ago, and it is terrific reading! You've inspired me to start a blog of my own about my experiences as a...er...customer of erotic massage. Just starting out now, but I will link you!

Anyway, It may be time to go legit. You've already made it plain here: you can't have a normal relationship while you continue in your profession. Deception only gives you so much time. He wants to know what you do, and he will find out one way or another.

Do you want to be an erotic masseuse who gets involved in relationships with expiration dates? Or do you want to be a LMT who a guy can fall in love and stay in love with? Your job or your man. That's all it boils down to, and only you can make that choice.

Tim

P.S. Wouldn't it be hilarious if he showed up at your place when he knew you were NOT going to be there? Get a spa treatment from Trina or Cindy? Hmm maybe hilarious is the wrong word.

Anonymous said...

CJ, in my humble opinion, you have but one option. It will be a once in a lifetime experience for you and him. To wit Prior to the next time you are in bed with Derek, make sure you are clean and freshly shaven. Primp and polish everywhere. Everything must be perfect. When you are all ready and he has been waiting for you long enough, slide into bed with him and snuggle up close. Then pull on a rubber glove and shove it up his ass. No lube, just ram it in hard and dry. Shove it right up there until all you can see is an elbow. Then say… “Squeal, SQUEAL my little precious. I normally get a fiver for that at work.” He will love you for it. I promise!

electricdaisy said...

"Your job or your man"?? For fuck's sake. CJ, I personally think you should find somebody who is okay with you being a sex worker, and this isn't a "you pick, hussy! yer skillful employment or a guy [the only way to be valid]" situation.

You can be an erotic masseuse that is in a loving, healthy relationship. You can be an LMT that is in a loving, healthy relationship. You can quit and collect tips for doing cartwheels down the interstate...while in a loving, healthy relationship. Most importantly, be in a healthy place with yourself. That is all that matters.

Laura said...

I admit, I came to this blog being a "hater" over a year ago. Your writing style and stories roped me in, and now I'm a fan. I think all the comments/advice you have received are all fair and valid. He needs to know. In my profession, I have talked to many women in similar situations, so you can email me if you wish to divulge further. I work for a mental health hotline and while not all problems we receive are "mental health" related, sometimes people just need an objective ear.

All the best.

George17 said...

Hey CJ!
Either choice could be potentially painful. I hope it turns out the way you want.

Anonymous said...

Seems like to me you have a boyfriend that 1) doesn't understand that he doesn't own you, and 2) yells at you when he doesn't get his way.

Do you really want a boyfriend who yells at you? I just know you can do better than that!

You are who you are, and what you need is to find someone who values you for just that - or as much as that as you are willing to reveal. I don't think this one is "it."

Eddie Locke said...

We have exchanged a few comments over the last two years, and I understand your conundrum. My now ex-GF works in the sex industry as well. It takes a very special man, and the more adamant about hiding this the more I doubt he might be the one.

Don't get me wrong, I get it that he loves you, and I get it that you do love him. At least that is the feeling I get from your posts. If it is any consolation I hate fucking Valentine's Day too.

No relationship can survive being built on a deception. I think you are an amazing and very talented writer. I think you are smart, funny, quick, and definitely my kind of crazy. I am also sure from your descriptions and casual air that you are quite beautiful.

None of that changes anything. Either tell your boyfriend the truth and give him the chance, or leave him now. You aren't doing either of you any favors, and at this point are probably picking scabs.

For what it is worth I love, respect and support both you and your writing. I think you are an awesome person, and I have seen a huge amount of personal growth from you over the course of your blog.

You are so close to perfect, and who knows, maybe he is the one.

Namaste,

Anonymous said...

It is a question of priorities. Is work or your relationship more important?

Anonymous said...

I think that you should make a date and let fate decide. Tell him the whole thing. It will either be that he is cool with it and he's yours or he isn't and he's gone. It will be tough, but it will be closure which is what you need.

I hope it works out, even if I doubt it will. We all do something for money and drawing the line is the hardest part. If you want him in your life you got to be honest, becuase otherwise the relationship isn't built on trust.

Good luck and either way keep your head up high.

Anonymous said...

Women complain about wanting nice guys... then when they find one, they lie to them while stroking other guys off for money.

Laughable, no.
Pathetic, yes.

Anonymous said...

A whore by any other name is a still a whore.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there CJ!!

Anonymous said...

CJ,
Beauty, Truth, Freedom, Love…but most of all, Love. Remember the dictum from Moulin Rouge? You are obviously in love with him. He wants intimacy with you which will always involve these four elements, as basic as Earth, Wind, Fire and Water, right? Truth seems like the one sex act you fear…and rightly so. It’s like jumping from a cliff. I told a lover once, “Let’s get kinky tonight, make love with our clothes on and just talk…about money.” I found out some painful stuff, but it was the next step, the place we needed to go if we were to be truly intimate. We’re married now and getting older; and friends are peeling off now, one by one. It’s sad…but death is the next big truthy thing we want to go at together, eyes open. I love your blog, your writing, your wisdom, your compassion, your soul, your honesty. But the Truth Piper of love will always want to be paid. All the best in your next move. You’ll find out soon if he loves you…and you him. Maybe that’s why Valentine’s Day is worth hating.
May all our endings be happy--DN

The Tell-all Escort said...

Speaking from experience, once they find out you've lied to them it's all over. It's best to start over with a new guy who knows the truth about everything and can accept it and still respect you and treat you with kindness. Guys like that are hard to find so you may find yourself alone for a while. Better to be alone than to live a lie though. Also, and please do not take offense to this, Derek kind of sounds like a prick. Good luck.aystican uagoangl

SJ said...

Life alays seems to through us a curve at the most inopportune time and it just seems like a test of who we are as a person and it makes us take a look at ourselves and assess our situations. Sometimes it is not easy but things will work so hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I agree that a relationship that starts in deception just never works out..walk for both your sakes before there's more to lose.

Anonymous said...

***"Or is this just the Good Lord's way of letting me get out of this situation rather easily?"***

LOL, i highly doubt God or any higher power you might believe in has (or wants) anything to do with this situation in which you jerk off guys for a living while lying to someone you say you care about.

then of course you whine about it on a blog.

seriously, funny stuff you idiot.

Anonymous said...

A whore's life is a lonely one.

One can only help to fill the void with more cocks. Start full service! (or at least start admitting to it)

Tom Moran said...

C.J., you have a difficult decision to make. Either tell him the truth or break up with him. I think this relationship is probably past the point of no return. The problem seems to be that you don't want to be honest with the men in your life because at bottom you're not comfortable with what you're doing. It's like the old joke: you don't want to join any club that would have someone like you for a member. The only way you can do what you do and still have a relationship is to tell the guy exactly what the deal is on the first date and let the chips fall where they may: if they call you names and walk out, so be it. Better on the first date than later on. But the problem is that you don't want someone who's okay with what you do for a living because at bottom *you're* not okay with what you do for a living. I'm not sure how to square this circle, but I wish you luck, as always.

theclientslist said...

Good lord...can we just quit it with the name calling?! We get it...whore, whore, fuckity fuck, she's a whore, I'm a whore...we're all whores!! There. lol Really, CJ..you must have a thick skin doll.

Anyway, listen... I was in the "hobby" for many years and have recently returned. The truth is you have to be honest with him. You obviously love him, otherwise you still wouldn't be holding on. There are no more lies to tell.No easy way out. The fact that he has the address and has not already visited your place of employment puzzles me. He strikes me as a pretty sweet, yet naive guy.

Don't be too upset with him though..if the roles were reversed it would be you who would want more details about his life.I'm sorry you're going through this though. It is very difficult maintaining a relationsip when you're in this business.

I love your blog.. by the way. Hang in there!!

Whore, whore, whore, whore...there. No one's allowed to say that again!! ;)

www.theclientslist.com

Anonymous said...

no one cares, even your sycophants are posting anonymously to say so now.

sorry cj, but what was once a daily check has gone to weekly. check your stats.

Anonymous said...

Cj. I'm a long time reader. First time commenter. You are not in an easy spot. You are somewhat between embarrassed or ashamed of your profession but it sounds like you want to keep it.

So a boyfriend who wouldn't accept what you do creates a problem. badabing. The crisis was predictable. You can:

- admit to him what you do and see if he can get beyond it. People can surprise you. But usually they don't.
- smooth it over and keep lying to him using all your charm and skills
- make a career change and/or tell him

There are problems with each. No simple answers from me. Of course blaming him for getting angry about being cut out of that part of your life is silly, he has every right to be pissed at a girlfriend who shuts him out.

- Maybe if you tell him, he'll get used to it. Or turn on you, hate you, get you busted. No way of telling. Be careful.
- If you don't tell but use your charm and skills, he might just continue to remain a boyfriend. But its maybe a relationship that is past its due date and will stink.
- And if you like doing what you do, then keep doing it.

I think that masseueses who do a little extra for the guys who want it are angels for which I am very grateful.

Seems daft to me that society puts such as stigma on it. When they do their extras to me, I express my gratitude with a big thanks. And tip. And now I ask them to be sure to make sure that they won't blog about it. ;->

BB

Joe said...

Happy Mother Fucking Valentine's Day to you, too!

Anonymous said...

kid, the whole basis of relationship, at least the comfortable, intimate ones, where you can relax and feel loved just as you are, is truth. Tell Derek the truth. He'll probably split, but you need someone who can handle who you really are. Living a lie is extremely stressful.
Mr. 56 years old

Curious said...

Hey CJ,

Honestly, when it comes to relationships I do believe that honesty is the best policy (this belief comes from personal experience). However, I can totally understand/respect the fact that honesty isn't always easy. I can't pretend that I've ever been in your situation but, when I have done questionable/fucked up things to boyfriends I cared about, in the end I wished I had been honest with them from the beginning. Obviously, being honest will most likely change if not damage the relationship, but honestly, being honest with the situation will make you feel so much better. Like I said, I haven't been in your situation but have been in a situation where I have lied to a significant other I truly cared about. All in all, if you do wish to have a serious, long-lasting relationship, you do need to be completely honest with him.

Anonymous said...

If you love what you do and are successful, never be ashamed of it,tell him the truth,if he freaks his loss. One should never apologize for the way we make our way through life, its to short as it is! Sincerely M.V

theclientslist said...

There are some of you that don't quite get it. THIS IS her life. It's not all fun and games...and happy endings.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

It's downright comical listening to this whore trying desperately to rationalize what she's doing. No matter how you try to justify your "occupation" CJ, you'll still come to the same conclusion - you're a whore and might as well start putting out to make a few extra bucks.

Poor Derek, he sounds like such a nice guy. What did he ever do to deserve a self-centered whoring bitch like you?

Continue on with your pity party. I'll continue to marvel at either the brilliant fictional ruse you've created or complete and utter stupidity of one individual. Either way, good entertainment!

CLA said...

Reading your blog is the best break from the day EVER.

I saw the headline and I half expected Derek was going to propose to you or something.

I agree - get rid of the anonymous idiots that leave insults, anonymously. Clearly those idiots are the type that beat their girlfriends in real life.

SandraM said...

It never ceases to amaze me when an army of pitiless, nameless vermin scurry around the internet equipped with only vapid tongues to mark their trails.

You have relationship issues, woman. But at least you have a life, unlike these anonymous posters.

Anonymous said...

CLA: people beat their girlfriends?!?! Congrats, you're a bigger moron than CJ.

SandraM said...

What, did that hit close to home, anon? You said as much that you did in an earlier anonymous post...

theclientslist said...

Dear "Anonymous" Posters,

Keep posting. You are one of the reasons people read the blog..other than CJ of course. You see, if CJ only had people agreeing with her..this blog wouldn't be half as fun for the general reader. It's the drama and rise she seems to invoke in you "anonymous people" that adds another element of "entertainment" to this blog.

Why do you think she doesn't censor her comments?!

You're the ones taking the time to read about her life...not the other way around. And enough with the "ruse" talk...this girl is the real deal. I should know. ;)

Anonymous said...

Stupid fucking cunt.

Just start dating your clients. They already know you are a whore. That way you can milk them for everything they got, instead of just the tips you get for milking their cocks.

You deserve to be lonely and alone. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror the next time you get an AIDS infected load of cum spewed in your face and you will realize you are going to end up a broke, lonely, used up old whore with nothing left to live for. Either that or cut up in pieces and left in a dumpster by one of your trusted clients.

Anonymous said...

Oh the defenders are amazing, lol. You people are as pathetic as this fake person created to amuse you all.

The saddest part of this whole thing is the fact "CJ" is a fat little housewife or a bored limp-dick middle aged moron that's created a character that you so sincerely believe is real.

You ever stop to think that it's perhaps "CJ" "herself" writing most of those anonymous comments in order to drum up more conversation?

Don't be so blind, mouth breathers.

Anonymous said...

i find it amusing that CJ is in fact, a whore. she performs sexual favors for money. She does this while lying to her boyfriend and blames everyone but herself for her problems.

with all of these character issues, some jackass has the nerve to say people that post comments "beat their girlfriends?"

fascinating. keep living in fairyland in which your fat dreamgirl will still be rubbing guys off in 10 years.

theclientslist said...

She averages 5-6,000 views a day...Do you think she spends all day clicking on her own blog as well?!

SandraM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I been following what u blog as well....im in the same situation as derek but i know what my girl does...derek has to have some idea in what u do or at lease with suspicion. Thats why he is down there visiting and what better excuse to sniff it out but on a special holiday. as for me and how i handle and deal with my girlfriends proffession is another story. But what i can say is that my girl is naturally leaning towards being legit. She is turning down special treatment for all new prospects. Keeping her "established regulars or vips " to maintain her cash flow. Now its not every joe that gets serviced...ratio is flip flopping and less chance in getting busted and less weight on her morals...no argument there from my end. I dont like it 1 bit. Its going to be a life style change for her " financially" thats the sacrifce she choosing as I when it comes to the emotional roller coaster.
Sounds like the obvious "its getting old and maybe u really dig this dude" so do what ur gut leads u. For my girl its to pay off that damn debt and i encourage her to do that then get the fuck out of the business or school up for pysical therepy..... A window for legitemacy. i encourage that. It would be foolish in trying stop her. She is naturally and slowly transitioning.
Theres one thing i learned living in vegas for over 10yrs and it that the money will come. Everyone hustles , theres no exception....but there so many ways to make a living.
good luck to u and thanks for sharing.
Anonymous out

Anonymous said...

To the Anon poster above me - you are the only one more deluded than CJ. your girl is turning down prospects? her ration if flip-flopping? not every guy gets serviced?

Is that how you make yourself feel better? You are dating a whore too.

theclientslist said...

Sshhh...

I hear being a whore is contagious. You mean Anon's better be careful!! Just by reading this blog you're 75x more prone to it. Who knows...you might end up cutting a hole in your cubicle and offering anonymous hj's and bj's!! lol

Cloud said...

The situation is probably not salvageable. Here's a fun way to bring it to a head. Tell him he can come and see you at work at a specific time. Arrange for a co-worker to give him a surprise "massage" when he comes in. The co-worker can tell him that you'll be back in a few minutes but that you've arranged for her to give him a relaxing massage while he's waiting. A few minutes before the appointed time hide yourself in the next room with perhaps a peephole to watch the show.....

Anonymous said...

It's amazing how many women would rather be sex workers than have a real, long term relationship. I laugh when I read that you have to be a special kind of guy to have a girlfriend who works in the sex industry. As if the guy who doesn't put up with it is some how defective. lol The only guys I know who have girlfriends in the sex industry are low-life users and pimps. And the sex worker always says her man is special and understands her and the work she does. lol Alls the POS boyfriend cares about is if the money's coming in. He doesn't give a damn about her, just the cash. Some of these women are so deluded.

niceguy said...

To the anon who posted the URL, you need to get some help. You're warped. Get a life and get outside and get some sunlight. You've been in your man cave way too long.

Anonymous said...

Hey,

If he knows the address, then he has definitely driven by and he has already figured out at least partly the nature of the business. If he is the type to google the address then he knows everything about the business. His personal hopes and feelings will prevent him from admitting to himself your level of involvement, but he ultimately wants to know, then he will want to save you.

He hasn't left you. He hasn't walked into your business on your say so. Clearely you have tamed him with love.

At this point, if you want a chance to keep him for the next 50 years, there is no way out but to tell him as little as possible while still explaining everything.

Then there will be crying and maybe hurfull things said, then, if he stays, he will ask you to quit.

Gut check: Don't put yourself through this if this is going to get brought up every time you and him fight for the next 50 years or if you are not ready to quit.

Be warned, I am told I give terrible relationship advice. Best of luck to you.

Baltimore said...

If he is your average nice innocent guy like you describe and he finds out everything not only is it going to be over between you to but I'm sure he will spread the word out of anger. So telling him isn't a realistic option. The two options are to break it off with him or..... Suck it up and quit all together, get a normal day job and never tell him a thing. Is a career change worth throwing away any chance of very really being happy?

Anonymous said...

I will throw this out there...I really think you should stop this with Derek and try to build something with Sugar Daddy Pete. You honestly feel a great attraction to him and he knows what you do for a living. Based on the situation he is in there is no real marriage for him and you 2 could be very happy together. I know because I am in the same boat...go for it!!!

Moe said...

C.J. I think the bottom line is; what does Derek mean to you? Is he just a boyfriend "du jour", or is he possibly "the one"? In the first case, you don't have to tell him anything. In the second case, you should/have to be honest and tell him what's up with your job situation.

Case #1 is no big deal. Just say," Derek,stop being a baby and grow up. Why are you ruining the good thing we got going here?"

Case #2 is the stickler. Here is my suggestion on how you should inform Derek of your occupation.

Invite him to your place (or go over to his)and have your portable massage table with you. Tell him you have a present for him, and proceed to give him the same treatment you would give any sugar-daddy who would go to "the business". EXACTLY the same. Plenty of extras, but without the "full-service" because you aren't "full-service". Then when the session is over, look Derek straight in the eye and say, "THAT is what I do at work. Nothing more than that. Do you still want to drop by the salon unannounced and surprise me?"

That's my idea anyway. Although my cat thinks you shouldn't tell Derek a damn thing.

All the best

WhoShotJR said...

According to Forbes Magazine, a legitimate massage business is one of the top franchises in the U.S.:

20. Massage Envy, Scottsdale, Ariz.

Started in 2002, these spa and massage outlets offer $59 monthly memberships, good for a 60-minute massage and a host of discounted pampering services. Franchises averaged over $1 million in annual sales in 2010.

Average initial investment: $455,505
US locations as of 12/31/10: 656
Closures in last three years: 7
Hours of Training Offered: 61.5

CJ, this is a legitimate option going forward. You already have your license and tallent with people. I believe these include tanning beds, but I admit I;m not sure about that. What you need, of course, is $$$. Perhaps SD Pete has a role here. $130K and the right silent partner(s) will probably get you financing.

A step in this direction is a step forward in any and all personal relationships you enter into.

I have enjoyed your blog and hope everything works out for you. You haven't indicated whether or not you want to have kids. If you do, fixing your occupation to make it something you can be proud of with a significant other is step 1. The rest will fall into place.

eddy said...

Nice

Anonymous said...

CJ,

Your relationship with Detek will not survive.

The fact that you are a sex worker has zero to do with it.

What has killed it is your continual and willful disregard for the truth. Each opportunity that arises you fail to be honest with Derek about, well, your job. And you have done this from day one. Creating ever more elaborate lies to maintain this illusion. And in this elaborate web you have woven, you strangled any future with Derek.

The lies are too pervasive, too serious for him. He will doubt and question. And those doubts and questions will drive him away from you and towards another.

Trust, once broken (and you know that you have shattered the trust) is damn near impossible to rebuild. And that further presumes the betrayed (Derek) will even WANT to move forward once he fully knows the truth. And that's the rub, Derek can never fully know or believe you given that you have lied from day one even if you tell him everything.

Going forward, be more accepting of you and your choices (to be a sex worker) and you might find a man with which liens are not necessary. And then you can build a truly healthy relationship.

Good luck.

Jaycob said...

I wasnt sure if you read and reply to your older pages, so just in case I pasted my question from your older page to this one. Very much sorries. I just started reading a few of these yesterday. On my phone reading your recent and old stuff for 3-4 hours striaght....can you say freak? Haha, im only 20, turning 21 in april. So I have a question do you or have you gave/ given foot jobs or in your case foot releases? Have you written a page about those yet? As you can see I have a foot fetish.

Anonymous said...

I will paypal you $100 if you take a nude pic and post it on the blog.

Anonymous said...

CJ, post a pic on your blog of your bare tits. We need more jerk off material.

Chad said...

Hey CJ, long time reader here, first time posting.
First off, I hope that you ignore these idiots posting anonymously, they're not worth the time it even took me to type this.
It sounds like you've reached a breaking point with Derek, and while I don't know much at all about your relationship, my gut instinct is to suggest considering either telling him why you've had to be secretive about your job, or make a clean break from the relationship.
You deserve someone that will respect you and care for you no matter what you do for a living. Although I can understand why you'd be hesitant to divulge your job information, part of me thinks that complete honesty at the beginning of a relationship is possibly the only way that you'll find someone who will accept it, and not only accept it but truly not mind, and understand that the job is a job, not an emotional attachment to the clients.
I truly hope that you're able to find a good solution to this.

Chad

Anonymous said...

I laugh when I read that "this is just a job," usually written by an ass-kissing punk like Chad. And that you should find someone who loves you for who you are despite your job. What a fag!

Anonymous said...

LOL, Chad is obviously one of the losers who needs to pay to get jacked off. :)

Oh yes, obligatory "CJ, you're a whore & will die alone of AIDS after a a brief bout of dementia and becoming a crazy cat-lady."

Anonymous said...

hey cj,

letting it go is the best option. let him think you were faithful and loved him and that it just didnt work out. it's whats best for him and you. do what you gotta do stay single and make a plan to get out don't date till you find a new job....who knows maybe then you and Derek can get back together....

xo bella cooper.jamey@gmail.com if you wanna talk, we share the same job maybe I can help

Anonymous said...

Selfish bitch. Only thinking about herself.

Anonymous said...

CJ,
Great blog and best of luck. Relationships are complicated on a good day. So I am going to wish you good luck.
Also, I want to reccomend a show that you may find oddly useful. It's call "secret diaries of a call girl" (there is a book series as well). The situations she encounters aren't too far from your own. So here's a thought - see if you can find it somewhere, sit down with Derek and watch some of the series. It may let you gauge his reaction and inner thoughts on your situation, without actually telling him.

Timbo said...

Is he the jealous type? You should know by now. If so, you probably should just break up because he'll never be cool with what you are doing.

If he's not the jealous type, just sit home down, and tell him you have something important to tell him. His mind will run in a thousand directions wondering what you are about to tell him. Hell expect the worse. Tell him that being a massage therapist, there were times when you gavef them a little more than a massage. He may actually be relieved to find out you don't have sex with your customers. Then just let what happens, happen.

Anonymous said...

the jealous type = not okay with the person you live with and in love with getting naked and rubbing mens' cocks on their body to ejaculation.

sounds like a big jerk!


all people posting in support of cj, i truly hope your partner lies + cheats on you.

Chad said...

I realize that this might be impossible for some of the anons to understand, but not everyone has to equate sexual gratification to emotional attachment. They are not mutually exclusive for every person, and just because someone can't fathom that doesn't make it untrue.
Keep writing CJ, my wife and I love reading your blog, you are a good writer.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like the air of arrogance from people like Chad to further prove the anti-CJ point.

Fantastic. You and your tubby little wife are so much better than the rest of us that you're fine with eachother getting splooge drenched from strangers.

Cool. Great for you. Now fuck off. CJ needs to die, and so do you.

Frank said...

CJ. I have to admit that I am new to your blog. I have only commented once or twice. Here is the thing be honest if he loves you he will stick around if he can't handle it you're better off without him. As someone else posted it takes a special man to accept your line of work. I know that if I were told after the fact that my girlfriend was a sensual masseuses and not a cmt or other such "legitimate" provider it would raise questions. However if I were told up front I would be ok with it. You should come clean and be ready for a lot of questions. Your relationship can survive this but you both have to agree to be completely honest with each other from this point forward. Good luck and I hope to read more soon.

Anonymous said...

The discrepancies between the power of the "anons" and the registered is quite apparent.

The "anons" are labelled as cowards, yet are the only ones telling it straight forward and as it is. The registered users are either oblivious sympathizers or give the same message sugar coated.

It's not about being polite, it's about being real.

CJ, at the very best, you have continuously betrayed the trust of the man you care about. That's the best possible way of putting it. At the worst, many anons have already covered that.

Chad said...

I'm not better than you for the reasons you listed, I'm better than you because I don't resort to death wishes to make a point. Don't worry, we'll all die.

Anonymous said...

Chad is the ultimate Beta male. He's a punk. lol Even his name screams gay.

CJ, don't believe a word from the sympathizers. They're lying to themselves and to you. They're cowards and punks who have no integrity or character. They're slime.

Tom Moran said...

Yeah, nothing takes more courage than to call people you don't know "slime" while hiding behind anonymity. What a douche.

Anonymous said...

Tom, you're a dickhead.

Anonymous said...

those of us wish to remain anonymous because you idiots are batshit crazy.

you have people who have NEVER MET this "cj" and call her smart, beautiful, etc.

you people don't know what she looks like and it's scary to see people drawn so close to a whore - literal whore, they don't even know is real.

on top of that. she is not a good person. you want your wife doing this kind of job? cheating + lying all day? you want your daughter/future daughter rubbing off other men?

Anonymous said...

Everyone posting on here bashing CJ and her fans are in the closet, embarassed by their sexual desires and posting here makes them feel better about living in shame.

Anonymous said...

Hey CJ, I've been following your blog for two years on rss feed.

I'm really sorry this has happened but I hope you make the right decision.

It sounds like Derek takes the relationship seriously. Well it looks like you only have two ways to go now - stay with Derek and go legit or stay with your job.

But it just comes down to what you really want to do with your life. Please go with whatever makes you the happiest in life. Chances like these don't come often.

Wishing you the best~
Anon

PS: If you do go legit, I still would tell an alternative story that explains why you wouldn't want him to show up.

Anonymous said...

Many of the anon comments are ridiculous in addition to being unnecessarily hateful. I have images of 14 years old juveniles with pimply faces giggling to themselves as they type out the word "whore". Whatever
.
Straight up, brutal honesty. Time to grow up. You know the lies are not sustainable. Derek is likely a lost cause. At some point you have to decide what you want in life. Getting guys off may pay better than legit massage, but at least you don't have to live a lie.

Lv ur touch

Doom 3 said...

I am sorry to hear that things are going well for you. I hope they get better.

Take care.

Shannon Rae said...

Well, at this point, with what you've shared about Derek, it's probably for the best if you leave him now. He seems like he's too good a guy to be with someone who is always going to have to lie to him. No offense to you, I believe in what you are doing and how you are living. It's correct for you. But maybe possibly it's not fair to lie to Derek, anymore, for this long?