Sunday, February 19, 2012

Derek and I are taking a break. And I can honestly say that's not code for "we had a huge fight" or "we've broken up." We just seem to be not talking at the moment and don't know how to break up the rut we're in.

You see, we had a huge gigantic monster fight about 2 weeks ago now. And it wasn't because he finally figured out what I do for a living. It was more about how he still doesn't really know what I do for a living. Of course it wasn't in so many words. The basic gist of it is that I don't really "share" everything with him. And that fight began over me not wanting him to come meet me at work for lunch.

I swear he's such a girl sometimes.

I mean this is the really the first time I've EVER had this issue with a guy. Everyone else before him didn't give a rat's ass where I was or what I did for 8 hours of my day, 5 days a week. Then along comes Derek and he's all like "Tell me about your day" or "Why haven't I met your co-workers?" or "Why do you always keep a pair of panties in your front pocket?"

Because they're easier to sell that way... Duh.

Anyway, that's the big news. Kinda makes talking about work seem meaningless. Sorry.



Anonymous said...

Hope everything works out!

JDM said...

If this isn't the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth what is? Obviously he knows something is amiss and the fact it upsets him only means he cares. What he's asking for is a healthy relationship and you should be grateful, not complaining he's being a girl.

The way I see it, if you don't tell him the truth your relationship has ZERO chance, that much is clear. If you do tell him, he might still want to break up but at least here there is a chance he won't. If you want him, tell him. If it doesn't work out, at least you got this off your chest and it may become easier in the future. Good luck!

Joe said...

Wow. "Tell me about your day" or "Why haven't I met your co-workers?" Geez, what a douche.

BTW, I was being facetious there. Sounds like Derek is doing the kind of things that other women complain about their boyfriends not doing. You snag one of the ones who actually cares about your life and it only irritates you. Given your circumstances, I can see why it does but still. The irony here is that the very thing that may make him a good one to keep is the very thing that drove a wedge between you two. Ain't life funny like that?

The Finger said...

I'm sorry to hear about the situation, but hope things turn out for the best. Do what makes you happy (within reason) and damn the consequences.

Steve Capellini said...

Hi -
Hmmm, to paraphrase Tyler Perry, "It's hard out there for an erotic masseuse." I really feel for ya! Thanks for giving us such funny, poignant insights into the life you are leading. It's a shame to have to not be proud of what you're doing on a daily basis, though. A damn shame! I wish you the absolute best in finding a way back to pride, which means including other people in your real life. In a way, that's kind of what you're doing here, in a funky virtual way, isn't it, with us your readers? To be accepted and loved for the nitty-gritty reality of your existence, that's what family is for, in the best case scenarios. You've created a little pseudo family with this blog.

Maybe the guy you're with is not part of your family.

Massage can mean so many things, handjobs being one obvious example. I wish there were a way for all the kinds of massage there are to be perfectly alright and (most importantly) legal, so that all of us who practice this strange and wonderful lifestyle could do so un-stygmatized. That, alas, is not going to happen. Even the "therapeutic" therapists among us (and I include you in that lot since you give therapeutic massages also), are marginalized by "real" therapeutic practitioners, physicians, etc. But who's to say a hand job isn't therapeutic? Without readily available hand-jobs, the world might spin out of control, burned up in a blaze of unquenchable lust. We need to connect. Physically. Sometimes sexually. It's built into our DNA. You're part of a great, age-old profession that makes those connections possible. Yet even though we're necessary, we massage people have been beaten down, enslaved, taken advantage of, taken for granted.

I don't know what to tell you, except to say I hope you can find a way to your own personal dignity, whatever that may look like. One thing's for sure--your own personal dignity has to include a past that has hand-jobs in it. Lots of hand-jobs. Because that's a real part of what's happened in your life so far. This is important. You've got to find a way to make the reality of your past acceptable within the context of the future you create. There's no way around it. You probably have a few options open for doing that - given your creativity and intelligence. Think of all the other people who don't have those options.

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

good luck!

Anonymous said...

I honestly don't believe he's wrong. At all. Those were all valid questions for someone in a relationship. Trust is important. And if he's asking about panties..... He's definitely suspicious or should be

Anonymous said...

How much are the panties again????

Anonymous said...

Worthless cunt. You deserve every single bad thing you get.

SandraM said...

Well, your last chance with Derek may have just slipped away. You have a fatal flaw in your relationship genes, you can't admit the truth even to keep him. Are you still waiting for someone to come up with the perfect lie? Dreamer!

Anonymous said...

I waited three weeks for this? Blog has turned into a womens psychiatric forum. Bring back the Confessions of an Erotic Masseuse.

Anonymous said...

Seems you don't want a relationship, only a guy to cuddle with on a "as needed" basis. He wants to know about your day, meet you for lunch and that is a problem? Face it, unless you get out of the business the relationship is over. You can't be honest with him now after lying for so long.

Find a guy you can be honest with. A guy that is okay with it. That is the only way you will find true happiness. Can't be happy when you have to hide over half your life from who you love.

Anonymous said...

Forget about Derek and throw yourself into your work. There is far more satisfaction in a job well done than the roller coaster of relationships. Or just be smart and tell him about your job, tell him that it's no different than any factory job except you make more more and can sell extras for commission! Maybe you can even get him involved and have him take secret videos, adding that dimension to this blog. You could obscure your face (since most on this site are only interested in the girls anyways). There is a lot of potential for extra income here!

Andrew said...

Situation: a guy acts as a girl (i.e. he wants to know about your day).
Good news: he is REALLY interested in you.
Bad news: he is REALLY interested in you.
I'm a new reader of your blog and spent a significant amount of time the last weekend reading a lot of your posts. Really enjoyed it!

Elizabeth said...

With a boyfriend who doesn't show any interest in what you do, you can tell yourself it wouldn't matter if they knew, and that they wouldn't care. Derek won't let you do that. His questions are non-intrusive and completely appropriate, but they indicate that it would matter if he knew, and that's what has you upset.

Think of it this way, though: he has a right to live his life based on his beliefs. If he would object to dating an erotic masseuse, then you're depriving him of the necessary information for him to make that decision.

There are people I wouldn't want to date -- y'know, stockbrokers, hedge fund managers, Bank of America executives -- and I'd be pretty pissed if a partner kept something like that from me. It's not fair, and it's not right.

I don't think you need to tell him what you do for a living if you break up with him. You don't have to have some big "coming out" scene. But if you want to stay with him... he's not going to let you keep evading the question.

mrbig said...

He must know that you're good with the scrotums, and he is just being a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Cj... The poison in your life is not him being a whiny bitch, it's you "not telling the truth". And yes, simply not telling anything is considered not being honest or forthcoming. You are soooo living a lie. Sorry to say this but I think what 90% of us keep telling you is that won't have a healthy relationship until you start telling the truth with yourself and your partners..

And btw, my money (and I hope I am wrong) is taht it is highly unlikely you will find too many sane and rational men that are going to be okay with you doing what you do for a living too much longer after they find out...

lv yr touch

Anonymous said...

Cj... The poison in your life is not him being a whiny bitch, it's you "not telling the truth". And yes, simply not telling anything is considered not being honest or forthcoming. You are soooo living a lie. Sorry to say this but I think what 90% of us keep telling you is that won't have a healthy relationship until you start telling the truth with yourself and your partners..

And btw, my money (and I hope I am wrong) is taht it is highly unlikely you will find too many sane and rational men that are going to be okay with you doing what you do for a living too much longer after they find out...

lv yr touch

Mark said...


All that caring about you? It means he's one of the good ones. Unfortunately, it probably also means he won't be thrilled if you tell him what you do. Most likely, you need to either go legit, or go your separate ways.

Anonymous said...


I"m going to go with an odd theory.

Derek has a pretty good handle on what you do.
Either he's figured it out, or one of his friends is saying something.

So he is looking for you to come clean, and then deal.

now maybe he can't handle it, maybe he can, but, that's his thing.

He's asking about lunch because he doesn't want to directly ask you to tell you things.

Maybe you need to figure out an exit strategy. Hav eyou thought about College? Have you thought about buying a small business, or setting up a therapeutic massage business at a medical office and trying to build the business there?


Dulk Howser said...

Go back to blowing guys and getting your face exfoliated in semen.

Nice Guys Shouldn't Always Finish Last said...

It sounds like he really cares about you. As I see it, you have one of two choices: 1) Keep the truth hidden and risk pushing him even further away, 2) Tell him the truth. At worst, he wants you to find another line of work or breaks it off completely. At best, he tries to be understanding... But he would probably still urge you to get into another line of work. I know that I would if I were in his shoes.

Ultimately, it's up to you to determine how much Derek means to you. There really is no right or wrong choice here - but the choices you make while in a relationship can be a very strong signal to your partner about how big of a priority they are in your life. In this case, it may be the only signal (I am just speculating).

Think of it this way... Would you want to be in a committed long term relationship with someone who always puts work before you and isn't completey open - regardless of what they did for a living?

Anonymous said...

I find myself forgetting about your blog these days - you have become a little negative (I suspect that comes from the territory). You used to have such a fun and funny way of telling some great stories. I for one would love to see old CJ back.

Anonymous said...


Good for you. :)

Anonymous said...

Now is the time to tell him if any. Nothing to lose. You already have no morals or self-respect, don't lose out on Derek too. There's a chance he's desperate enough to want to be with a whore.

Anonymous said...

bahaha omg I love the loser ass guys that have nothing better to do but shit you on because they can't get a girl or a guy to date or to let them pay for sex nvm a massage. FUCK YOU YOUR THE WORTHLESS CUNT>!
Cj stay strong go to school do something while you work this job so one day you wont have to work this job. Thats my plan , thats the only way you'll have a healthy relationship your prob annoyed that he asks you so many questions because it forces you to lie more and to acknowledge your in the wrong u girl fuck the haters

Anonymous said...

Yup. That's exactly why I called her worthless cunt. You got me all figured up. Uh-huh. Mhm. Completely. 100%.

Moron. You're just as much of the problem with the world as she is. Get AIDs and die. The world will be a better place that way.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. F the haters:

Yeah yeah we would accept a handjob, Duh. Does that mean we don't care about CJ? No most of us actually do care about her... which is why most of us are trying to give her honest feedback about her decisions... which to recap, her relationship skills are shit. I started following CJ because she is interesting and different. Smarter than you are for certain. So unlike you, I think many of us believe she actually has a chance to make it in this short life. If she chooses to do so without a man, that is up to her... but she and you should know a relationship with anyone comes with a price. You know, Love Honesty Truth etc etc.. things you may not even or ever understand or have. So CJ, don't be disturbed by the criticism. Just know that some of us are speaking because we actually care.

Lv yr touch

rdg-abe said...

you know how you should write the final episode of your blog? suicide note. seriously. you could totally end it on a note of ultimate drama and everyone would forever and ever wonder "garsh, was it true?"

well, except the mongers who actually grasp the industry. but the sycophants, they'd buy it. shit, i bet you could even get these assholes to donate to a worthy cause in your name.

fuck, hope i didn't steal your destination story, coz it sure does seem that you've run out of fresh shit to keep the mushrooms in.

oh, i'm sorry. yes, err, derek, he's totally like oh my god gonna need the truth coz you're so bad girl keeping him in the dark but love conquers all, lowry. love conquers all! or some shit.

go with the suicide story. its more interesting.

on another note, you still out there littlered? you see through the shit now, right? you get it?

findinit said...

Hey rdg-abe, I've read many of your posts. You seem pretty adamant that cj's blog is just a ruse.

I'm on the fence about this.

I think lots of it is lies/counterintel and lots of it is true. And I think I've found her.

Would enjoy running stuff past you. Hit me up/pm me on a certain spa review site for hunters. Hint hint.

rdg-abe said...

on it, init.

Anonymous said...

1) Wow CJ, you actually deleted my post.

Anyway to recap, I contacted the Co-Chair of the Pennsylvania Board for Massage Therapy found here:

I had an long conversation with the co-chair Ms.Martha Kollar-Malina.

I have never heard a woman so irate with you CJ. She literally bashed you, what you do and how much of a "sleazy prostitute that ruins the name of Massage Therapy and women everywhere"

I even had a phone call and police report filed from the Pennsylvania State Police because Ms. Malina called them :)

Im going to keep posting this message every time you delete it. I will see you fall

We are watching :)

PA State Police are most likely logging all of our IP addresses. While the viewers of the Blog are most likely free from prosecution. CJ on the other hand, will probably be arrested for solicitation soon. When in Court they use this Blog as evidence she will NOT be able to claim "first time offender"

You have to love the internet.

Anonymous said...

are we supposed to feel sympathy for you?

because if he was lying to you for months, you'd whine about how betrayed YOU felt.

Anonymous said...

Yup-- Derek is a metaphor for us. You have been lying to us the whole time and we see through the charade but you want to keep pretending.

Anonymous said...

*A dark room, Derek staring out the doorway.

"Don't leave!" - CJ sobbing uncontrollably.
"You've been lying to me all this time." - Derek states matter of factly.
"I just didn't know what else to do. I lo-lo-love you..." - CJ's words tremoring with waves of tears.
"Babe, I'll never forget you... you know, cause all the STD's you gave me."

With that, Derek walks into the sunset. CJ drinks heavily for a few days, but ultimately returns to whoring.

Anonymous said...

you are a liar. he deserves better and you will surely die alone.

Anonymous said...

Better to break it off and live in denial that you ended it. Because no normal guy wants to be in a relationship with a cum dumpster!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I am amazed at how hateful some of you are towards CJ. What's up with that?

Anonymous said...

We should all feel sorry for CJ. It's a shame that this is what she chose for herself in life. Yes she is young, but she will never get out. Like an addict or junkie, she is too far down the road. She is used to the money and refused to go backwards financially to start over.

We guys like raeding the stories, but none of us would want to marry, share a home, raise a child with a woman who basically makes men cum for a living. Think about how horrified her parents would be. How does this happen? What a waste of a life.

The saddest part is that soon there will be younger, prettier girls and it will get harder and harder for her. I think it's only a matter of time until she does full service.

zeot said...


Anonymous said...

When you are ready for full service. I will make a special trip to you. Im a directional driller, I can afford you :x

Anonymous said...

Think about this...

In any given week, her hands are covered with the semen of 20 or 30 different men.

anyone want those hands making them dinner?

i think i just threw up a bit in my mouth

not in PA said...

to the anonymous cunt (I am assuming you are a woman) who decided to take it upon herself to try and report CJ to authorities...In all your free time I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS.

oh, and not that I buy your bullshit, but unless she has prior is a first time offense.

some of us like a good ol'fashioned handy and appreciate someone like CJ who is willing to oblige. you live your life, we will live ours. now go away. :)

Anonymous said...

At least you can now suck and fuck your clients without guilt. Though I doubt you are even able to feel guilt, you lying filthy cunt.

And to the woman who has made it her mission to get CJ busted for being a whore, way to go!

Don't stop until CJ is on the local news being led off in handcuffs.

findinit said...

Hey rge-abe try 'findinit'

Artie said...

"It was more about how he still doesn't really know what I do for a living."

Yes he does.

As Pat said on 2/20 (more or less), he's in denial; he suspects; and he's pretty much figured it all out. He's either giving you a chance to come clean, or he's looking for a reason to dump you. You got a 50-50 shot here.


Tom Moran said...

Sweetie, I think you've hit the "shit or get off the pot" moment. Either tell him the truth and deal with whatever the consequences are, or just let the relationship go. You're not being fair to him. And he sounds like the kind of guy who deserves to know the truth.

Anonymous said...

LOL. Whataho.

June said...

I am on here because I am studying to become a massage therapist and my boyfriend doesn't think it's a good idea..because of people like YOU! I came across this blog when my boyfriend mentioned that he googled, "should I be concerend that my girlfriend is a masseuse?" I thought it was crazy when he told me about it. He should know within himself if he trusts me as a massage therapist or not. But...

You are giving massage therapists a bad name. If you want to be a slut for money, do it while you're single.

I've only read your most recent post, but why are you doing this? Because you enjoy making men feel good? The money's good? Great. How about making your man feel good and keeping your hands, lips, and body parts away from other men. Do you ask your clients how their day is going or do you get right into the handjob? Haha.

A guy who asks about your day is a great guy. It's called being a boyfriend. Previous bfs never asked about your day? Probably because they didn't give a shit about you. The one guy who does, you wanna complain about it?

Please stop calling yourself a massasge therapist, you are a slutty erotic masseuse.

Anonymous said...

Don't know exactly what did it about this post, but I just moved from the "I believe you" camp to the "you're full of bs" camp. Surely some of your posts are true, but this recent stuff is just crap.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last comment. This blog is BULLSHIT!

Won't Tell said...

I've been reading for a while, and I think you're letting your chance to do something legit pass by... and I suspect you know it.

Hiring Cindy (even for a while), knowing it was to do full service, says a lot.

And there's little that's fun or funny in your blog, now. You seem stuck somewhere you just can't get out of.

I hope I'm completely wrong. I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...


I believe CJ is real, but not in PA. This blog's ip comes up as Mountain View, CA.

Rebecca said...

Dear CJ,

I know you probably wont get to my comment, but I want to say, ignore the haters. I work in a sex shop. My sex shop is typically geared more towards women-including teaching classes on erotic massage (thanks!). However, I used to work in a more male centered sex store. What you do is no less legal than phone sex.

I would worry more about health reasons. Which brings me to my question for you to get us back on track that you're NOT a whore, and NOT a skank. I was wondering, How do you do preventative care, especially in the butt release, breast release, facial, thigh, etc. That's a lot of mucous membranes that are really close by. How do you protect yourself?

And finally in reference to Derek. When I was working in the porn stores, I would have a similar problem, mostly because everyone assumed I would just slut it up in the back room on my break (Not the case). I had exes dump me because they couldn't handle the idea that I was happily discussing and flirting a little about someone else's genitalia. I worked retail, don't flirt, don't make sales. I am happily married now. To an amazing man who supports everything I do. The real clue is to be honest, and to let someone know that there are boundaries. I would discuss a penis, but I'd never go home with one. I'll be starting a job as a PSO soon (google that one ;) ). My husband is totally okay with that, some people would call it cheating. My husband also would never EVER call a phone line. It just wouldn't happen. And in the same vein I would never marry someone who did.

So. Be honest with your man. Open up, if he leaves you, and it's worth it to try and make it work, go legit. But it's not fair to him to lie, and it's not fair to you to lie. If he's not okay with your job and it's not worth it, then the relationship wasn't worth it to begin with.

Also, to these wives talking about the cheating, calling you a prostitute.

Ladies, I got married too! I have similar vows to you, And that whole for better for worse thing, INCLUDES CHEATING. So, blame your husband, ask him what YOU can do to make it better, to make it stop. Don't blame the girl who is just trying to pay her bills. Because frankly, at that point you just look bitter and jealous that you can't embrace your sexuality in the same way.

Just sayin'

P.S. Rock on CJ.

Anonymous said...


One dumb bitch supporting another dumb bitch. Go die, you worthless skank. You're just as bad as the worthless cunt that runs this blog

Rebecca said...

OOOOOOOOOHHHH So scary and upsetting!!! The big mean anonymous poster called me a mean name! I'm gonna go cry in my pillow now /sarcasm.

In other news CJ, you may want to moderate your comments more :)

Anonymous said...

amputee masseuse


Tom Moran said...

I liked Rebecca's comments. :)

Spring Crappie fishing said...

Thanks for giving us such funny, poignant insights into the life you are leading. It's a shame to have to not be proud of what you're doing on a daily basis, though.

Anonymous said...

Of course Chewbacca Rebecca would take CJs side. ;)

CJ, enough with the self-pity, hurry up with the next whore story!

Anonymous said...

Oh Yeah!.. “Somore” Whore stories. Like one involving marshmallows, graham crackers and Hershey chocolate. You could put the burning hot marshmallow all over his cock and balls, inject hot, Hershey chocolate up his ass and sprinkle with graham crackers. Suck it off and out. Then, ask him if he thinks you should tell your fucking boyfriend about what a nasty little girl you are. And say, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.”

Anonymous said...

That smore story is so fucking funny.

I wonder if CJ charges extra to suck the chocolate out of a client's asshole, or if it's included in the smore package.


Anonymous said...

He's obviously insistent to know you better but you don't deserve it having crafted enough lies that you'll make any sane person disbelieve of what you say.

Tell him the truth and don't expect much, you probably don't deserve any of his friendship anyway and you better be as single as you just want rather than spending time with a guy you don't really like your true life to be shared with.

niceguy said...

I agree with rdg-abe and some of the other anon comments. This blog is a ruse, BS. I believe she or a friend use to work as a massage therapist, but not so sure anymore. It was evident she was clueless about AMPs and pulled that out of her ass. She has also made other comments that just didn't jive with reality. Not sure there even is a Derek, but if there is, he is definitely in on this ruse. He may be either co-authoring some of these posts, or he is laughing his ass off at how gullible we are.

Personally I am losing interest in this blog. It's gotten kind of dark, too serious, slow and a bit boring. CJ, any chance we can go back to the more lite hearted, funny and more frequent posts; or are those days gone?

Still wish you the best, ii'm a CJ fan and I want you to find happiness.


By the way if CJ is really in Mt. View, then she is only a stonesthrow

Anonymous said...

I agree with the fake rumors.

No one can be as stupid as this CJ character.
If so, I'm afraid for humanity and it's probably a good thing she can't get married and breed.

theclientslist said...

The level of such vulger hatred with some of these replies boggles my mind. The fact visit her blog and whether you like her or hate her, you have chosen to spend your time READING ABOUT HER LIFE. So show some level of respect.

How many times can you call her a who** and a c**t? We get it, we get it. Now there. Let's move on, shall we?

CJ...I'm in the "underground" world as well. Please do not become jaded. Derek cares about you and strikes me as a good boyfriend. He is not being a "girl"..he's being a real boyfriend. Do not lose sight of that. You need to be honest with him. Best wishes.

Janie said...

Why all the hate?!

Anonymous said...

pass the popcorn somebody

Anonymous said...

ive read her entire blog, i can contest thats shes not in california. her blogs give a few hints here and there which you can conclude shes in pennsylvania. one clue would be the part where this religious group is apposing massage parlors in the penn area. this made national headlines. cj mentions this in her blog. just a clue for you pepo hunting her.

Anonymous said...

You've never had this problem before because the other guys didn't care about you or what was going on in your life! Hes not a girl, he sounds like a real good man. You finally had a guy who cared about you and you're letting him go. Wrong place wrong time? No just a selfish move from a selfish woman. You need to truly come to terms with the life you live.. Yeah the HJ's etc, wow your so honest. You need to realize that this profession you're in is an will impact the rest of your life. No husband, no children.. No real happy life. Hope the monies worth it.

Anonymous said...


First off let me just say what a service you do for so many by sharing as you do. Openness like yours is hard to find.
Having a relationship as long as you continue as an erotic masseuse will be difficult because let's face it, men are men. Knowing another man, nay many men are in your life, let alone hands, will be next to impossible for most. However you may get lucky and find that one who can. If you were to transition back to just LMT work, that would all change. You might still have male clients, but there would be an understanding that it's all professional and above board. I see nothing wrong with you hanging with clients outside of work if you enjoy it and it doesn't cause issues later. (I know, you said it ALWAYS does! lol).
I wish you the best.

Fellow Scorpio

eden said...

What it comes down to is choice. Theres a pro and con to everything in life. By choosing the line of work that youre in, youre making good money, making your own hours and seem to have some fun/flexibility while doing it. With that choice comes less freedom however. Your work life and all that comes with it is stifled in silence, you have to second guess every natural instinct to vent about it to loved ones and family, and the Xmas presents you give your nieces and nephews were bought with jizz$, surely youre carrying a load of shame around as a side effect. All of that which you hide should and could be out in the open, if you choose to work somewhere you can be proud of, that fulfills you (not just your wallet) and can openly share with whomever. A place where giving your work # out wouldnt be a problem or a surprise lunch break picnic which is a sweet gesture remains just that, instead of being tarnished by an untruth. Would you be happy with someone who didnt care about you or what you did? Dont you think you deserve that?
Sometimes when we think were keeping secrets, that secret is actually keeping us.
You focus so much on providing happy endings for your clients you forgot about your own.