Update, Correction and Apology

Between all this talk about crackdowns and raids, Audrey decided to close The Business for Saturday and Sunday.

Well, to be more truthful, it was between all those Halloween parties that we closed up shop. Trina and I had way too much to do this weekend with all the costume shopping and beer runs and whatnot in preparation for a weekend of Halloween festivities. Cindy was willing to work, but both Audrey and I agree that she wouldn't know she was servicing a cop even if were in full uniform, with a badge and carrying a video camera. "And I thought he was doing a role play..."

You know who did work this weekend? Maude - Audrey's dull sister. Let me tell ya something, that bitch takes her job seriously. I mean, she came in, worked the phones, and told anyone who called that we were unavailable. AND she cleaned the place from top to bottom! Personality of wallpaper, but a good worker.

Looks like we didn't miss much since there was no more news on raids this past weekend. Let's cross our fingers and see if the interest in parlors ends today.

Now I'd like to take the opportunity to apologize about my comment the other day about the clientele of full service parlors.

What I was trying to say is that WHEN a parlor's customers change over to drug dealers and criminals, that it will attract too much attention and eventually get taken down. That's what happened to a couple of places around here a few years back. I was not trying to say that EVERY full service place is patronized exclusively by pimps and dealers (however, I do have a funny story regarding that which I'll share later). The point I was trying (poorly) to make is that a parlor's worst enemy is attention of any kind.

There are 2 kinds of attention: cops and neighbors. The current crackdown is based on the attention from neighbors. A national organization fighting human trafficking has teamed up with local religious groups to identify and investigate suspicious parlors in the area (yes - I read the paper too). And I'm sure many businesses in the Delaware Valley ended up on a list of some kind that they turned over to the feds/townships/police/etc.

And this leads to the other kind of attention: cops. This is the really bad kind of attention because unlike neighbors, cops can shut you down. And cops HAVE to investigate if there's been a complaint. So after everything was said and done, they shut down about 20 Asian massage parlors and 2 American ones. My guess is that the American ones got thrown in there because they were just waaaaay to obvious to ignore.

And this is why I made that bad example of how a parlor can call attention to itself by its customers. Actually a very successful parlor (whether full service or not) will have an incredibly dull clientele. And that's the kind of business you want - not politicians, celebrities, or criminals. Sure, they may be more interesting and have more money to throw around, but there's either a reporter or a cop who followed them here taking pictures and writing down license plate numbers. No thank you.

So my apologies to my fellow masseuses out there if I offended anyone. And you full service fans - sorry if I lumped you in with the "wrong" crowd.

CJ

Freaks of the Weeks: Celebrities

You'd be surprised how many famous people pass through here. Not every day, but over the years I've seen actors, sports stars, local TV personalities, etc.

Since we're located very near 2 major highways that lead outta Philly, we get a lot of cross country traffic. So it's not unusual for anyone famous to pass through this area. Local celebs from Philly have their vacation homes out past us and into Amish country or the Poconos. And we also get the sports teams passing between Philly, Pittsburgh and DC through here.

Why a massage parlor if you're famous enough to get laid on your own? Well if you want to remain anonymous, no other customers will see you in a parlor (unlike a strip club). Also, they have more than enough money to get what they want (we're a lot more convenient than picking up girls in the hotel bar). And finally, for the busy celebrity you can get in, get off and get out in less than an hour.

TV actors
This is a weird story. I've had at least 2 actors that I know of. The first guy was from a TV show I follow on the Gay Channel. I thought he looked familiar when I first saw him. Once we were in the room, he mentioned up front that he's on TV. Some of the celebrity types do that to try to get special treatment.

The session itself was relatively normal. I remember that he took a 45 minute topless, but the weird part was during the hand release. While I was jerking him off, he kept saying things like "... I've never had a girl touch me before... Oh this is so wrong... What are you doing to me..." It was almost like he was in his TV character! I'm not kidding you when I say this, but after it was all done, I kinda felt like I had just molested this guy. No joke - I was totally weirded out by it. I was almost convinced that I was the first girl to ever jerk him off. So either this guy really was gay, or he was just an incredible actor.

The 2nd actor guy I recognized as soon as he walked in the door. He was from the SAME TV show as the first guy! They must have talked about this place because he asked for me by name. Anyway, he didn't say who he was - just acted like a regular customer. And when the session was over, I swear - I had barely finished washing the cum off my hands before I was on the internet looking for his picture. And yup - it was him.

Sports celebrities
I don't know how many athletes I've had over the years, but I've seen 'em all: baseball, football, hockey, basketball, and even a pro wrestler! We see a lot of Eagles out here (Go Eagles!), and I've even partied with some at the local bars. Hockey players are by far the coolest because they're not nearly as full of themselves. But the guy I was probably most impressed to see was the wrestler.

The Wrestler was probably one of the most ripped guys I've ever worked on. Other athletes do not even compare! I know it's mostly for show, but WOW - talk about eye candy. He was just the nicest, down-to-earth kinda guy too. And yes - he was one of the Hotties I talked about! Spent the entire session wondering it would be like to wrap myself in that...

Now apart from the wrestler, athletes tend to be full of themselves. They're all like "I bet you've never had a guy like me in before... Am I hot or what... Tell me I'm the best looking guy you've ever seen..." You get the point.

And since they're all rich, you'd think that they'd be throwing money at you, but noooooooo. They start off being cheap because they think they can get stuff off you for free since they're famous. But I've learned this trick from other girls over the years - if you treat them just like any other pushy customer and stand your ground, eventually they'll open those wallets and make it worth your while. Trina once got a $1000 tip from a football player, and she didn't even have to do anything weird!

Local Celebrities
We've had more than our share of local celebrities including TV reporters, minor league sports players, radio DJ's (more than I care to remember), city councilmen (NEVER ours - always next town over which shall remain nameless) and the occasional guy from those really bad car dealership commercials.

DJ's are the most annoying because they think they're famous and demand to be treated so. But I think my favorite celeb of all time was a local weatherman. If you knew just how obsessed I am with the weather, you'd understand. I mean for me, this was MY rockstar. He was your stereotypical chubby, funny weather guy - and I almost died when I saw him walk in. Let me tell you - I must have talked his ear off during the entire session. I don't know if he'd ever want to see me again, because I must have asked him a thousand questions about his job.

This is how starstruck I was - I TALKED THROUGHOUT HIS ENTIRE HAPPY ENDING. Looking back I feel sorry for the guy having to hear me yap away while he's trying to finish. I'm embarassed to say this now, but it went something like this:

Weatherman: "Oooooooh...mmmmmmm... Oh Yeah..."
Me: "So can you actually see the weather map behind you or is it one of those green screens?"
Weatherman: "...Uhhhhh... It's green...Ohhhhhhh... right there..."
Me: "Have you ever seen a tornado?"
Weatherman: "...un huh... UN HUH......... UN HUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!"

I think in my next life I'm gonna be a weather girl. Trina said I could never turn sideways because you'd have trouble seeing the weather map behind me.

CJ