Never EVER Tell A Lie - Unless It's Absolutely Convenient

Since we're on the subject of lying, I thought I'd talk about some of the more common ones I use on a regular basis. Yes, CJ is not as pure and innocent as I portray myself. I believe that little white lies are a form of social "lubricant" that just keeps things moving along smoothly.

As you all know by now, my favorite little white lie is telling people I'm a shampooer (there's that word again!). It's the perfect lie for the question of "So what do you do?" Let's face it - 9 times out of 10 that question is meaningless and is used by guys in bars to buy an extra minute of staring at my shirt. When I respond with "shampooer" their eyes kinda glaze over and I'll get a polite "uh huh." NO ONE has ever asked me what that's like and whether I enjoy it or not - EVER.

My next little white lie I use at work is "I'm single." In fact, it's not so much a lie as it is part of the script that all of us follow in this business:

Erotic Massage Rule #7 - ALWAYS make the customer think that you're available.

It plays into the whole seduction fantasy that most guys have. Most customers (especially newbies) do not want to hear the honest truth about our boyfriends/husbands/baby-daddies. They want stories of how we're on the prowl and looking for "Mr. Right." If guys think they even have a tiny microscopic bit of chance with us, they're more attentive and easier to arouse.

One of my favorite variations of the "I'm single" lie is "I just broke up with my boyfriend." It's like taking the "I'm single" line and bathing it in vulnerability. And if you say it with a little sigh at the end, you can add a tiny hint of desperation. It's almost guaranteed to increase your tips!

I was debating whether to include "I'd love to see you again" as one of my favorite lines. Usually it means, "I'd love to see your wallet again" but when I thought about it I realized it's my way of saying "Thank you for not being an asshole." So when I say it, I really would like you to come back.

Now the most common thing I say at work that's usually a total lie is "No, that's fine." It's a sort of coverall for all kinds of things that are offensive or problematic.

For example, I may say "No, that's fine" when a customer apoligizes for farting or something. But to give you an example of how often I rely on this particular white lie, here is a list of the times I'll use it:

Farting
Premature ejaculation
Body odor
Limp dick
Cleanliness, etc.

I mean, when it's bad I'll say something but for the most part I'll just say "it's fine" if it'll keep the session going and hurry things up. Meanwhile, I'm saying to myself "You pig!!"

And those are the most common lies I use on a regular basis. But I don't use them all the time. With Regulars who I get to know and trust I'll tell it like it is. Some guys really do want to hear about the boyfriends, or whether they should jump in the shower before we begin.

I've learned over the years to be REALLY REALLY careful about who I can reveal a boyfriend to. A couple of times, I've opened up to customers about my real social life - only to discover later that they used the info to stalk me. Ugh... the stories I could tell you. But that's for another time.

Still trust me? No? It's fine.

"CJ"
(Look! Another lie right there!)