Freak of the Week - Todd Palin

Sorry I haven't been around lately, but I've had a bad cold for a week now. I haven't been to work in 3 whole days! And when I'm stuck home, I really don't feel like writing anything, so I read instead.

Now I'm not for or against Sarah Palin, but I have been following this so called "sex scandal" with Todd (this is what happens when you're sick at home and there's nothing new on TV).

You can read the article HERE.

Turns out he's been seen frequenting a local massage parlor. Then the owner gets busted for prostitution. Put 2 and 2 together and you get a good old fashioned sex scandal!

At first they reported that there was "physical evidence" linking him to the owner, then they dropped it. Now they're saying she's being charged with protitution and there is no association with Todd. Let me give you my take on it.

We have our Regulars here at The Business, and it sounds like Todd was definitely a Regular. The parlor was located in an office building and apparently the tenants kept track of who was coming and going (or going and coming in his case). And as a local celebrity, he should have known better than to be seen coming in and out of a massage parlor.

OK, maybe the owner just gave really really good massages, and Todd was just an innocent therapeutic client. Heck, I have my own set of therapeutic Regulars. Never got a happy ending. Never seen me topless. Just purely therapeutic massage. Of course they're all little old ladies and not the "First Dude" of Alaska...

So for all you aspiring politicians out there reading this you're probably wondering what this "physical evidence" is - for purely academic reasons of course. Well I sincerely doubt the cops were pulling used condoms out of the trash and doing DNA analysis on them. But if she was a typical parlor owner, she was probably keeping a detailed logbook of customers and appointments. And if a mysterious "TP" was penciled in at the exact same time Todd was seen entering the building, then... busted!

Or even better, an autographed pic of the 2 of them hanging in the office! Don't laugh - it happens more often than you think. I've seen more than a few celebrities in here who have no problem flaunting it. I have autographs to prove it! Audrey even has a picture of herself with a pro athlete - taken at her old business.

And lastly, it could have just been the phone records. This would be obvious - especially if the cops had been monitoring the place as they say.

So how can you politicians and celebrities out there protect yourselves? Well here's my list of...

CJ's Tips to Keep You out of the Enquirer:
1) DON'T BE SEEN ENTERING THE BUILDING. Duh. Use the back entrance, wear dark glasses, park across the street, etc.

2) Don't use your personal phone to call. Use one of those pre-pay phones.

3) Use an alias for making the appointment (don't worry about sounding silly with "John" - we expect it).

4) Don't leave behind an autographed head shot - no matter how much she's willing to knock off the price. I had 1 guy try to pull this on me. In the end, I got the autograph AND my tip.

5) And lastly - USE CASH. Famous people are weird - they either carry tons of cash, or none at all. Pro athletes - WADS of cash as if they've never heard of a bank. Politicians - no cash. Your Honor, do you really want this on the Amex?
If Todd had been a regular reader here, he might not have gotten in trouble. Now if any of my poor under appreciated Eagles are listening, please feel free to come in and let me take care of you (we were robbed!) and I promise to be very discreet.

And if Ben Worthlessburger were to show his sorry ass in here, I guarantee I would have pictures of him being spanked in womens underwear posted on the internet before he made it back to the parking lot.


CJ