Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Therapy

Wow - I feel better. I feel better after talking to Eric. I feel better after writing that last entry. I feel better after taking a few days off. I totally thank him for being right - I needed to start at the bottom so I could start start moving up.

I haven't even looked at the damn computer for a couple days now. I re-read my last stuff today and let me tell ya - that was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. Sure I've done humiliating things before in the name of "work." But then sitting down and describing it in detail for lots of strangers to criticize? HOLY SHIT. If that's what therapy is like, then it works.

And it took that moment for me to actually start remembering some other stuff that you guys might actually find funny. I think I had gotten so depressed, that nothing else seemed to matter anymore. But now I feel pretty good and promise to try to cheer up and get back to what this blog is all about - funny stories about weird shit that happens around me.

And on a side note, I've been reading all the comments and taking them to heart. Thank you to all the guys that have said things to try to cheer me up. I'm sorry if I'm not replying to each of you individually. I have been trying to catch up on e-mail though. And thanks for all the advice you've been passing on. I've taken some of it to heart.

Eric has agreed to look into compiling the last couple years of all this crap and trying to put together an e-book, or whatever you call it. I don't have the time, or the patience (or the english skills) to try to make some sort of sense of all my ramblings. But he said he's willing to give it a try.

And finally, you guys will be happy to hear that I'm now sticking up for myself and not saying "yes" to anything for a buck. Two bucks maybe, but a single buck? Hey - I still have standards.

CJ

29 comments:

Sleeper said...

I just wanted to add a "supportive comment". I think you are way too hard on yourself - we all do things that we would not want to do in order to get by. I think the question for you is whether you are using your own code to judge what you are doing, or using a code that you think the rest of the world would approve of.

Personally I see nothing wrong in what you're doing. Perhaps in a perfect world there would be no demand for your services, but then, in a perfect world, there would be no demand for many people's services! Of course, if you have a problem with it, that's entirely up to you, as long as you are following your own values and not someone else's.

Anyway, I greatly enjoy your writing, you have a talent! You should look at some of the writing blogs about finding an agent - if Belle de Jour can get published, then so can you.

Anonymous said...

Shallbe...makes me feel better that you are doing fine...love your blog

Advizor54 said...

This is what I've waited to hear for a long time.

As a stranger I can't really say this, but "I'm proud of you."

And put me in line for an e-book. I'll even buy a Kindle just so I can read it.

Personal Failure said...

I just wanted to add a nice comment, too. I enjoy your writing. You have a great style, and an intelligence and sense of humor that really shines through and I always look forward to a post from you.

I hope things get better for you and you start feeling more like yourself.

Just Visiting said...

I've got two bucks :)

Joker_SATX said...

That a girl! Just remember chica..sex sells. And if that is what your clients want, then you give it to them. However, charge accordingly. Get out of the poor house like the rest of us and own them.....

Jay said...

CJ, let me be the first to welcome you back :-) its great that you are writing again.

rdg-abe said...

Words of advice: No one who depends on you for sugar, stories, or money actually cares about you. That means every single asshole who comments on this blog or receives handjobs.

Only you do.

This is your threshold moment, Johnny, step through.

Anonymous said...

In these economic times, trying to get by from month to month, week to week, hell, even hour to hour, in order to keep our sanity and survive, I see people are now doing what they HAVE to do not what they WANT to do.
It is good to see you realize you are more than a piece of meat. The mere fact that you are able to put together the blog suggests you have a brain. Use it the best way you know how. I firmly believe that sometimes the best form of customer service is to just tell them, "NO".
Stay sane and safe!

Anonymous said...

Yeah! CJ's back. Don't ever sell yourself out. im looking forward to your funny hilarious posts again.

All the best in life. Hakuna matata :D

Anonymous said...

Long time reader....First time posting. Just have to say...I thought we were losing you for a minute. I'm glad you haven't fallen into the full service rut (at least not completely). I have to tell you....I can see a memoir and even an option for a movie if you played these cards right. Here's a question for you....If you did have a movie about your experiences....Who would you get to play your part?

Keep your spirits up. You have a great head on your shoulders. You don't need to start bobbing it up and down for money ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hello C.J. -
I'd like to share with you the fact that we live very familiar lifestyles. I've been in the business for 2 years. No-one can truly understand what we endure physically and emotionally. When I'm down, I read your blog. It makes me feel good to know there is someone else who can relate. Keep inspiring please!

PT said...

CJ - keep on keepin' on. *high-5*

Tom in NH said...

Welcome back CJ. Missed ya! Be safe. :)

Melissa Blade said...

Glad to hear you are on the upswing!

If possible, can you tell us why you left the business?

Anonymous said...

Why don't you have a tip jar here? And whats with the lack of advertising?

We like your stories and might donate money in appreciation. Or at least click on some advertising.

MrMike (MrMikelobe1952@hotmail.com) said...

I hope you didn't miss that comment from the anonymous masseuse who said she found support from reading your blog.
And let me join Melissa (who also writes an interesting blog about her sensuous massage work) in saying that many of us are dying to hear the story of your split from the business. Selfish of us, I know, but who knows, maybe you will feel better after sharing that story.

Shannon Rae said...

I love you and I know many others do! keep on doing what you're doing and telling us about it, you are not alone!

Tom Moran said...

I'm glad that it looks like things are starting to turn around for you. You have a rare and enviable ability to make witty blog posts out of sometimes gamy material and keep your sense of humor. There's a market for that. I know I'd pay to read a book you published. Or at least take it out from the library. And think of all the fun you'd have doing readings and book signings! :)

Anonymous said...

As I trawl the net for release from my own demons (paradoxically, by giving in to them), I find myself going back to your blog. With or Without You by U2 plays on Pandora, and suddenly my mood drops a few notes.

Rather, the key changes, from major to minor; my mood was lousy to begin with, I guess.

What has this to do with your "Therapy" entry? Simple: We all have our demons, and you are either fortunate or clever enough to find a way to channel yours.

I look forward to more entries. I sincerely hope the best for you.

Anonymous said...

CJ

Why do you need the money so badly?

A good sex worker makes 6 figures.
A smart one pays taxes.
A clever one buys a house with cash.

have done a budget and financial plan?

do you want to be 40 and doing facials?

Whats your exit strategy?

-pat

Anonymous said...

Is this the only thing that you're halfway good at? Any other skills,other then jerking off guys?,what's down the road?..you sound like a real winner there...WOW,what a catch!...so you have a blog,and oh my!! maybe an E-Book !!,How's that tanning salon dream coming along?..you're this close to becoming full service and becoming one of those who has no skills other then being good at making guys come.

Anonymous said...

And how does bashing a complete stranger when she's down make you such a catch?

Honestly, are you so miserable that these attacks make you feel better? What is it so gratifying about bashing others?

Anonymous said...

CJ,

You're a gifted writer. I've mentioned this before but it's worth repeating: You're a gifted writer!

You have an authentic tone and a "voice" that many wannabe writers could never tap into.

This book that you and Eric are working on, could be a bestseller. And not because of the topic itself, but because of your athenticity.

J

Anonymous said...

Way to go, CJ! I am glad that you are going to tell those that need to hear it, "No F'ing way!" :) -Mondo

Anonymous said...

i've done things i'm not proud of to get money, but sometimes you need to do whatever it takes.

you should definitely put together a contingency plan for various eventualities, just so you don't get backed into a corner, so to speak.

good luck. keep writing!

Anonymous said...

A gifted writer??Remember CJ's impersonation of AMP??..CJ is either going to work at another semi/full service massage parlor or end up as a full service independent...thats all she can do,she has no other workable skills...just jeking men off,,WOW...WHAT A TALENT!!

busana muslim said...

nice your blog

zeot said...

Standards and some wit still ;) Hope you are well i'm reading this post about 4 months later.