Thursday, July 5, 2012

Confessions of an Erotic Tweeter - Continued...



I started tweeting this week because I thought it would be fun to add a new "as it happens" perspective to The Business.  Not that I've ever really tried it before - I mean I'm used to sitting down and telling a whole story at a time, not a sentence or two.  It's totally different from what I'm used to saying because in a tweet I don't have room to really explain anything.

For example, I thought it would be kinda fun to try to tweet something while performing a happy ending.  Real simple, right?  Just type a few words on my phone with my right hand, while the left hand takes care of business.  Then we can all have a good laugh.

Holy shit - I didn't realize what a pain in the ass this can be.  First off, I couldn't find any customers willing to let me tweet about their session.  I've never seen such scared looks on customers before!  You would have thought I suggested taking their pic and texting it to their wife for goodness sake.

Second, I kinda forgot about the physical impracticalities of using the cell phone during a hand release.  I figured it would be easy since I always keep my phone on me during session.  I mute the phone, then put it next to the bottle stand so the customer can't see it from the table, but I can see the screen light up if anyone calls/texts. 

What I forgot about is that I use baby oil during the hand release, so I couldn't touch my phone even if I wanted to!  I tend to use both hands for the ending, which means I would have to plan on moving the phone over to the massage table and then starting the handjob with my left hand.  Meanwhile my customer has to be cool with all this nonsense, and if there's anything a guy does not appreciate during a happy ending it's distractions.

Then one customer seemed cool with the idea, but he ended up asking for a breast release, which made it impossible to use the phone at all.  Even though I keep my hands dry for those, I need both of them to keep The Girls in place else the angles and positions just don't work... it's complicated.

And finally, do you know how hard it is to clean semen off a phone?  Take it from me - a girl who's seen it happen to a couple customers who thought it would be fun to video their own happy ending.  You wanna hear something mean?  When a guy asks to tape the hand release, I wait until he's about ready to cum, then I deliberately aim his load at the camera.  Of course I apologize innocently afterwards.  "I'm sorry...  I didn't realize you were going to have such a big load!  When was the last time you got laid?  Jeez."

Well, I'll keep trying to get that elusive tweet in the middle of the action, just give me some time.  In the meanwhile, it's kinda fun to just say whatever I want about work as it's happening.  It's the kind of thing I can never do with most friends and family.

CJ

14 comments:

tightend said...

CJ, I'm willing to help you with your dillemma. I will come over we will do a breast release with me holdng the girls in place, you will have both hands free and dry, and everyone wins...

Just send me an email when you want me over. :)

Anonymous said...

Why do you aim his load at his camera?

Anonymous said...

"I wait until he's about ready to cum, then I deliberately aim his load at the camera. Of course I apologize innocently afterwards. "I'm sorry... I didn't realize you were going to have such a big load! When was the last time you got laid? Jeez."

That is awesome!

John Smith said...

With your new Twitter account tweet some pics at us please

Anonymous said...

Tweeting is very bad idea, CJ. Twitter knows your location via IP address or cell phone app, and it may get turned over to law enforcement. See http://blogs.findlaw.com/technologist/2012/07/twitter-will-give-you-up-to-the-cops-75-of-the-time.html

Quantum Jane said...

CJ,

I have read your ENTIRE blog in a single weekend.
It was deliciously divine reading.

Thank you

Anonymous said...

CJ - Love your blog. I'm a male erotic masseur in Mpls. I can sure relate to a lot of your stories and experiences! Keep up the good work and don't let the Freaks get the best of you. Kevin

J.R. said...

I have concluded that you have told some of your customers about this blog (or they figured it out already). Here is my logic: You have asked some guys to allow you to tweet during their HE. They are obviously going to ask "what is your tweet address?". To tell them will likely lead them here (by a simple google search). Hense, they must already know about this blog. Am I wrong?

Anonymous said...

Don't ever try this while giving a facial

Anonymous said...

CJ, do you charge extra to allow the guys to video their own happy ending? Any precautions to make sure nothing more than your hands gets caught on film?

Just wondering as I'd like to do this when I go to rub and tugs. I've never asked as I just assumed video taping would be forbidden. FWIW, I'd probably pay double to film it. (that means you could probably bargain me to pay triple with my hard cock in your hands ;-)

Anonymous said...

CJ, do you treat females the same way you treat the guys?

mikeindc said...

CJ, just curious but do you pay attention to whether guys are circumcised or not? Approximately how many are not cut and do you have a preference?

Anonymous said...

BTW Samsung makes a waterproof washable smartphone... just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Wow aim the load at their cameras?

You're a grade A fucking bitch