Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Confessions of an Erotic Moonlighter

I just wanted to say that this is not the first job offer I've ever had while working at The  Business [and before anyone else says it, yes - I've been offered the "blow" job].  Erotic Masseuse is actually a pretty good way to network with local business leaders (and you wouldn't believe what you're promised by horny old business men when blood is rushing away from their brains).  

Business Opportunities
Apart from getting offered to run someone else's business, I've been offered:

Part ownership in other parlors
Part ownership in a strip club
Part ownership in a mushroom farm
FULL ownership in an energy drink franchise
Amway distributorship
My very own breeding pair of Lamas
A bachelors degree from the University of the State of New York (Not to be confused with the State University of New York)

Needless to say I didn't accept any of these offers.  Except for the mushroom farm - I really did investigate that and almost put in some of my own money.  Really.  A good mushroom farm is like having a license to print money around here.

Job Offers
You would be surprised at how many job offers I get on a regular basis.  Most of them are bullshit of course, but some are quite real.  In fact, I've taken lots of "side" jobs from customers.  The offers have included:

Fashion modeling
Porn movies
Bartending (lots of these)
Topless bartending (even more of these)
Dog watching
"Sexy" housekeeping
Babysitting (Really?!?! You want me around your wife?)
Car sales

I've been offered lots of opportunities to do "adult" modeling including pics and videos.  And the sad thing is that I've always said "no" to these paying jobs and "yes" to a convincing boyfriend or customer with a cell phone.  Go figure.

One job I have taken in the past is "sexy" housekeeping.  This is where you put on one of those french maid outfits and clean a guys house.  In fact, I've actually done this 3 times.  It pays pretty good, but it's kind of surreal.  I spend  a couple hours actually scrubbing toilets and vacuuming floors (usually in preparation for a party of some kind), then I give my generous employer a handjob.  


The car sales thing was an interesting offer.  The guy said that I was a natural at sales and selling cars wasn't much different than selling massage extras and options.  

And the number one most popular job offer I get around here?  Believe it or not, it's secretary/receptionist.  I guess a lot of guys would love to make my smiling face the first thing they see when the show up at work.   Not that I'd be bad at it mind you.  I could type 70 words per minute right out of high school.  Today... not so much... but at least I'm good at smiling at strangers who walk through the door.  


Since I've started the blog, I've been offered jobs as a "Consultant" for movies/TV shows about massage parlors.  The most interesting of them was hosting a show where I would travel the country visiting (and working in) different parlors.

Let me get this straight... you want to film me travelling all over the country committing misdemeanors and violating public decency laws?  Where do I sign up!

CJ

15 comments:

SupaFly said...

CJ, surprised the list didn't include aspiring writer. You write so well that it would definitely be a career option for you.

Shannon Rae said...

This is awesome, and yes (!), you must get offers to publish, right? Also, what about cam modeling? A little light internet whoring is super fun and no touching involved. Although, you don't like anyone seeing your O face....so, there's that.

Anonymous said...

That is the wierd thing about Porn... as long as you are paid for it and you are "acting" then you are an erotic film actress.

You could go around the country performing massages... as long as you are acting

J.R. Brown said...

That would be the best travel channel program ever!

Amaranth said...

...llamas?

o_O

Palm Harbor massage said...

Yes it will be a good experience.

Anonymous said...

You are 35 years old. It is time for you to jacking off (pun intended) and find something to do with your life.

Anonymous said...

Just curious how many customers do you get in a week total

3deepbreaths said...

Funny I just had long conversation with a woman who has been massaging me for years. She was approaching a milestone age and contemplating her exit strategy. In her words " I've pretty much milked this job for all I can " pun intended. She's incredibly smart and intuitive and like you likely doesn't realize the her potential.
We talked about her lack of formal education and her fears surrounding that.
Bottom line CJ,women who work in the sex industry are BRAVE.
Courage and intelligence are a deadly combo , the only unknown is if you believe in yourself .

If you have all three the world is your oyster.

Anonymous said...

is there a birthday special? ^_^

Hanna said...

Hey CJ,

I'm a girl living in Australia and I recently got offered to do "nude massage"(I didn't realise they meant HJ as well at first!) at a parlour in the city.

Unlike the US, prostitution and all related adult-services activites are legal here. Wow, us and the Canadians really have it good eh? ;)

I'm taking a few weeks to consider it, and while I was thinking about it I came across your blog and I'm hooked. Sooooo many funny one-liners! Anyway, thank you for sharing your stories and insight.

I'm seriously considering taking the offer up, as I'm in the perfect place for it - young, newly single, just starting a uni degree. Plus I have so many things I want to do, like travel, take classes....I find a lot of my opinions about this job are similar to yours (or maybe you've just influenced me a lot!) but I don't see it as immoral at all. Like you I adore watching guys come (in fact, I'm envious...it's really difficult for me to have an orgasm) and in the end that's all it is, making someone feel good ... for money ;) But hey, I've slutted around for free and it hasn't hurt any so why not get paid for it?

Sometimes, though, when I wake up in the morning and my mind is soft and vulnerable to negativity, I think to myself, HOW CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER THIS?!!??

What do you reckon, should I just wo-man up and try out a shift?

Alexa Salinger said...

I agree with SupaFly...writer is a good one. If not a book, at least a sex columnist.

Anonymous said...

Hanna

give it a try, but, recognize even if its legal there are social and psychological impacts and you have to know what you can handle.

The clients will want HJs BJs to provide oral and intercourse. Know what your safe line is and stay there

cj said...

You guys are right - I almost forgot "aspiring writer" since I was actually paid to write a little thing about erotic massage for an online magazine.


Amaranth,
Yes - llamas. They are not that uncommon on some of the farms out here.


Anon,
At this time of year, I'll average 8 or 9 a week. It's slow now but hopefully will pick up after Thanksgiving.


Hanna,
I've made a number of penpals with girls down there. There isn't the same stigma with sex work as there is here, so I say go for it! Try it for just a few weeks and see if it's for you. Good luck!

CJ

Anonymous said...

Anon & CJ,
Thanks for your advice :) I realise it could very well not suit me but....I'm going to give it a try! And although parts of Australian society are still really conservative at least I wouldn't have to worry about someone writing "whore" on my car .... I hope.
Thans again, and CJ, please keep writing! ;)
Hanna