The Rabbit Hole - Part 2: The Conclusion

Now where were we? Oh yeah... I was standing in the middle of the dildo aisle, talking to a little old German man while trying to shield the eyes of my underage cousin.

Then things got weird.

"Ow can I elp joo ladies?" [Remember - you have to imagine a thick German accent].

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... " I managed. Then my razor sharp wits kicked in help make sense of things. I knew there was a reason why we were here... but what was it? What will bail me out.... Oh yeah! "Wanda sent us!"

"Ach!! Joo know Vanda?" His little face lit up. "Ow is she? Joo tell her ve have zum more of dose vunderful anal rings in shtock dat she loves." I cringed at that one - TMI (Too Much Information). My auntie would kill me if she knew what I was exposing her daughter too. But at the same time, I was dying to take a look around this place. So I asked him what exactly this place was. It turns out that the Rabbit Hole is one of the largest suppliers of adult entertainment and fetish items on the east coast - and this is their warehouse.

This place was strictly a warehouse for several years, and only recently decided to open up to the public at the urging of some of their clients. So they cleared out a corner and turned it into a kind of Walmart of bondage. The owners were from Germany and were INTIMATELY familiar with all of their wares. I got the impression that the husband was well known in fetish circles because of the quality and quantity of his merchandise.

We figured we may as well start the tour right here in the dildo department. Our shopping list included one, so we asked Fritz (we decided to just call him Fritz) to see some.

Forget I even asked...

Fritz started pulling out one fake penis after another. Each one bigger, fancier, and more expensive than the previous. Look, all we wanted was a fake dick to pass around between the girls at the party to play with and make jokes. But Fritz was showing us the absolute latest in artificial penis technology.

"Ach... Luke at de quality of dis piece!" He handed it to Catherine. "Veel dat material. Absolutely life like!" The hair stood up on the back my head when he did that. But it was hysterical - Catherine just sort of raised a finger and timidly poked at it. She nodded her head in agreement as if she knew the difference.

Trina grabbed it. She turned it around in her hand, stretched it, bent it, and rubbed it. If it were a new car, she would have kicked the tires. "Feels pretty real. Good weight to it." She handed it back to Fritz. "Got anything in black?"

This sort of took us down a whole other path. He showed us a black one that I swear was 2 feet long and had feet attached to the end of it. Another one was a foot long, but had a pump that was used to inflate it with water. However, that was not the highlight of the show. The last thing he brought out was this giant dildo that must have been 6 inches in diameter and 18 inches long!!!

I think Fritz saw our mouths drop because he quickly explained "Dis is for show only. I geet many requests for dis." Then he leaned in close, "...but not all joos it for show, ja?" I thought poor Catherine was gonna pass out.

Let me tell ya, Fritz was a freakin expert in everything he sold. After selecting a nice medium sized dildo (in black), he toured us around the place. Next was the dress dummies that were in Nazi uniforms, chain mail bikinis, and rubber outfits. Apparently his 3 most requested fetish lines. The bondage department alone was the size of a small convenience store. But what really got my attention were the "appliances."

There was a section dedicated to all sorts of motorized gear. The freakiest thing I saw was a sort of saddle that hung in a frame. In the middle of the saddle was a giant vibrator sticking straight up. Fritz said that was for extremely serious collectors only, but he sells a lot to adult movie production companies.

By now it was getting late, so we went through the rest of our list and picked up the last remaining items. Fritz insisted on us sampling the latest in edible body paints. To our surprise, Catherine was the first to just jump in there and try them out. Either she was just hungry, or excited that sex could be mixed with candy.

The last story I want to tell you about our afternoon is about the fetish clothing. Fritz brought an arm full of catalogs with every single fetish theme imaginable. You want a Little-Bo-Peep outfit in purple latex? He can get it for you. The catalogs were the funniest things. They start off innocently enough with men and women in sexy stripper outfits. Next is the standard leather dominatrix stuff. But finally it gets WEIRD. Rubber body suits with holes cut out for the naughty bits. And Latex that conforms to every curve of your body.

But what caught my eye was this nun's outfit made of body fitting rubber. It included the funny hat and everything! I told Fritz I'd love to try one on and he happily obliged. "Ach! Dis artist is vunderful. He is a master!"

Fritz eyed me up carefully, but eventually brought me an outfit that was obviously 2 sizes too small. I told him he made a mistake, but he just said that's the whole point of rubber fetish. It's about being tightly wrapped up.

I knew there was no way in hell I was gonna get into this skin tight outfit by myself. But now I had a dilemma. I could bring in Trina to the dressing booth, but that would leave Catherine alone with the German pervert. Or I could use Catherine's help - but would squeezing into a rubber fetish outfit qualify as contributing to the deliquency of a minor?

I figured supervised deliquency was better than unsupervised deliquency, so I brought Catherine with me. Inside the dressing booth I noticed a big bottle of baby powder. Turns out baby powder acts as a kind of lubricant to get you in and out of the rubber. So I stripped down, slathered myself in baby powder and then had my baby cousin help stuff me into this body suit. It took about 15 minutes of squeezing, yelling, swearing, pinching and holding my breath to do it, but I finally got that damn thing on.

And let me tell you - I looked AWESOME. As awesome as any nun with 36 DD's in skin tight rubber anyways. But boy was that thing constricting. I felt like my entire body was being slowly choked. Fritz assured me that was part of the fetish and that you have to work your way to wearing it for any length of time. I swear, if I had any fetish events to go to, I would have taken this outfit. But unfortunately I couldn't think of any and the the $600 price tag didn't help either.

Catherine spent another 15 minutes getting me out of that sausage casing. And then I had to put on my regular clothes with all that baby powder mixed with sweat. Ugh. I almost felt guilty about getting his nice nuns outfit all slimey, but then I figured he probably gets off on that kind of stuff.

We said goodbye to our new friend, and he said we could come back any time. He also added that he'd love for me to come model some of his merchandise at local events, but I was kinda weirded out by that. Heck - it took me 30 minutes just to get in and out of 1 outfit!! LOL

So that was our little adventure in the world of fetish gear. When I dropped off Catherine at my aunts later that night, I suggested she not mention the little German man and the dildo testing. She said she wouldn't even know where to start.

CJ

The Rabbit Hole: Part 1

Since I told that story about my friend Wanda the Domme, I gave her a call just so we could catch up. She's doing fine and has figured out how to supplement her income in these troubling times. I guess when a stockbroker loses his ass for real, he no longer wants anyone to paddle it for him.

Wanda started this new gig doing BDSM shows at local strip clubs and fetish clubs. She takes a couple of her friends/colleagues to some night spot where she does demonstrations of BDSM techniques including:

Ritual Knot Tying
Whipping/Spanking
Candle wax
Knife play
Enemas (yes - enemas for fun)
Rubber/latex fashion
Electrocution (???!!!)

Wow. Being around Wanda is sometimes like being on another planet. Anyway, we were talking and the subject of bachelorette parties came up. Trina has to host a bachelorette party for a friend of hers, and we were planning on hitting the local adult boutique, which is little more than an X-rated Spencers. When I mentioned this, Wanda was like, "Unh-unh. I will tell you the perfect place to visit. Write this down and tell them I sent you..."

Well, she gave us directions to this place called the "Rabbit Hole." It's not listed in any phone book, or even the internet. All we had was a name and an address. So last weekend, Trina, my cousin Catherine, and myself decided to go on an adventure to buy cherry flavored condoms, penis straws, handcuffs, and glow-in-the-dark body paints. Catherine is my lovely baby cousin who's only 17, but she looks 21. I knew there wouldn't be a problem getting her in to our local boutique, so I didn't think anything of bringing her to the Rabbit Hole.

This place was almost 20 miles towards the city from where we are out in the country. But we didn't exactly find it. Instead, we ended up in this industrial park just off the freeway. So we drove around for a bit and finally parked in front of a storefront with the right number, but a sign that said "Jewelers." We walked up to a locked security screen door and peeked inside. It looked like a jewelry store inside with all the display counters.

A little old lady looked up from behind one of the counters, and buzzed us in. The 3 of us slowly walked in and suspiciously eyed the place. All I could think of was that Wanda had fucked us royally. The woman said "Can I elp you?" in a thick German accent.

I said "Uhhhhhhh... I don't know. We were looking for a place called 'The Rabbit Hole,' but got your address instead. Do you know where it is?"

Suprisingly, her face lit up and she said "Achhhh! Come dis vay!"

[OK - at this point let me just say that I have absolutely NO IDEA how to write with a German accent. Just take it as read that anything this woman says sounds like it came from Ilsa - Shewolf of the SS.]

She leads us behind the counter and into a back room full of desks and filing cabinets. We kinda nod hello to a couple old women stuffing envelopes and continue following the old German lady to a curtain on the other side of the room. She pushes it aside and beckons "Dis vay. Joo meet my husband, ja?"

Well the 3 of us walk past this curtain, and I swear to you ladies and gentlemen - it was just like that moment in Willy Wonka where the kids see the inside of the candy factory for the first time. But instead of candy, there was every single sex toy, adult DVD, porn magazine, and adult costume imaginable. And the Oompa Loompas were replaced by mannequins dressed up in chain mail and nazi uniforms.

The 3 us just sort of huddled together for comfort. Looking around, it was quite obvious that we were in the dildo aisle. The walls and shelves near the curtained entrance were covered from floor to ceiling in artificial penises. There was every size, shape and color imaginable. It was this particular moment that I became painfully aware that I was standing next to my sweet, innocent, little 17 year old baby cousin.

I turned to Catherine and she was just sort of looking around wide-eyed. I said to her, "Look Catherine... this kind of place is meant for mommies and daddies who love each other very very much."

Trina looked at me and said "Awww leave her alone. She probably knows more about this stuff than either of us." To which, Catherine giggled.

Then a short, white-haired man appeared out of no where and asked us in a very thick German accent, "Ach! Oww can I elp joo ladies?"

Let me tell you, it's very disconcerting to be totally surrounded by giant rubber pricks, talking to a man who looks like he should be making shoes instead of selling dildoes, while trying to shield the eyes of your underaged cousin.

And what happens next will have to wait because I'm late for work! Sorry to leave you hanging, but I gotta go make a living.

CJ