Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Rabbit Hole - Part 2: The Conclusion

Now where were we? Oh yeah... I was standing in the middle of the dildo aisle, talking to a little old German man while trying to shield the eyes of my underage cousin.

Then things got weird.

"Ow can I elp joo ladies?" [Remember - you have to imagine a thick German accent].

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... " I managed. Then my razor sharp wits kicked in help make sense of things. I knew there was a reason why we were here... but what was it? What will bail me out.... Oh yeah! "Wanda sent us!"

"Ach!! Joo know Vanda?" His little face lit up. "Ow is she? Joo tell her ve have zum more of dose vunderful anal rings in shtock dat she loves." I cringed at that one - TMI (Too Much Information). My auntie would kill me if she knew what I was exposing her daughter too. But at the same time, I was dying to take a look around this place. So I asked him what exactly this place was. It turns out that the Rabbit Hole is one of the largest suppliers of adult entertainment and fetish items on the east coast - and this is their warehouse.

This place was strictly a warehouse for several years, and only recently decided to open up to the public at the urging of some of their clients. So they cleared out a corner and turned it into a kind of Walmart of bondage. The owners were from Germany and were INTIMATELY familiar with all of their wares. I got the impression that the husband was well known in fetish circles because of the quality and quantity of his merchandise.

We figured we may as well start the tour right here in the dildo department. Our shopping list included one, so we asked Fritz (we decided to just call him Fritz) to see some.

Forget I even asked...

Fritz started pulling out one fake penis after another. Each one bigger, fancier, and more expensive than the previous. Look, all we wanted was a fake dick to pass around between the girls at the party to play with and make jokes. But Fritz was showing us the absolute latest in artificial penis technology.

"Ach... Luke at de quality of dis piece!" He handed it to Catherine. "Veel dat material. Absolutely life like!" The hair stood up on the back my head when he did that. But it was hysterical - Catherine just sort of raised a finger and timidly poked at it. She nodded her head in agreement as if she knew the difference.

Trina grabbed it. She turned it around in her hand, stretched it, bent it, and rubbed it. If it were a new car, she would have kicked the tires. "Feels pretty real. Good weight to it." She handed it back to Fritz. "Got anything in black?"

This sort of took us down a whole other path. He showed us a black one that I swear was 2 feet long and had feet attached to the end of it. Another one was a foot long, but had a pump that was used to inflate it with water. However, that was not the highlight of the show. The last thing he brought out was this giant dildo that must have been 6 inches in diameter and 18 inches long!!!

I think Fritz saw our mouths drop because he quickly explained "Dis is for show only. I geet many requests for dis." Then he leaned in close, "...but not all joos it for show, ja?" I thought poor Catherine was gonna pass out.

Let me tell ya, Fritz was a freakin expert in everything he sold. After selecting a nice medium sized dildo (in black), he toured us around the place. Next was the dress dummies that were in Nazi uniforms, chain mail bikinis, and rubber outfits. Apparently his 3 most requested fetish lines. The bondage department alone was the size of a small convenience store. But what really got my attention were the "appliances."

There was a section dedicated to all sorts of motorized gear. The freakiest thing I saw was a sort of saddle that hung in a frame. In the middle of the saddle was a giant vibrator sticking straight up. Fritz said that was for extremely serious collectors only, but he sells a lot to adult movie production companies.

By now it was getting late, so we went through the rest of our list and picked up the last remaining items. Fritz insisted on us sampling the latest in edible body paints. To our surprise, Catherine was the first to just jump in there and try them out. Either she was just hungry, or excited that sex could be mixed with candy.

The last story I want to tell you about our afternoon is about the fetish clothing. Fritz brought an arm full of catalogs with every single fetish theme imaginable. You want a Little-Bo-Peep outfit in purple latex? He can get it for you. The catalogs were the funniest things. They start off innocently enough with men and women in sexy stripper outfits. Next is the standard leather dominatrix stuff. But finally it gets WEIRD. Rubber body suits with holes cut out for the naughty bits. And Latex that conforms to every curve of your body.

But what caught my eye was this nun's outfit made of body fitting rubber. It included the funny hat and everything! I told Fritz I'd love to try one on and he happily obliged. "Ach! Dis artist is vunderful. He is a master!"

Fritz eyed me up carefully, but eventually brought me an outfit that was obviously 2 sizes too small. I told him he made a mistake, but he just said that's the whole point of rubber fetish. It's about being tightly wrapped up.

I knew there was no way in hell I was gonna get into this skin tight outfit by myself. But now I had a dilemma. I could bring in Trina to the dressing booth, but that would leave Catherine alone with the German pervert. Or I could use Catherine's help - but would squeezing into a rubber fetish outfit qualify as contributing to the deliquency of a minor?

I figured supervised deliquency was better than unsupervised deliquency, so I brought Catherine with me. Inside the dressing booth I noticed abig bottle of baby powder. Turns out baby powder acts as a kind of lubricant to get you in and out of the rubber. So I stripped down, slathered myself in baby powder and then had my baby cousin help stuff me into this body suit. It took about 15 minutes of squeezing, yelling, swearing, pinching and holding my breath to do it, but I finally got that damn thing on.

And let me tell you - I looked AWESOME. As awesome as any nun with 36 DD's in skin tight rubber anyways. But boy was that thing constricting. I felt like my entire body was being slowly choked. Fritz assured me that was part of the fetish and that you have to work your way to wearing it for any length of time. I swear, if I had any fetish events to go to, I would have taken this outfit. But unfortunately I couldn't think of any and the the $600 price tag didn't help either.

Catherine spent another 15 minutes getting me out of that sausage casing. And then I had to put on my regular clothes with all that baby powder mixed with sweat. Ugh. I almost felt guilty about getting his nice nuns outfit all slimey, but then I figured he probably gets off on that kind of stuff.
We said goodbye to our new friend, and he said we could come back any time. He also added that he'd love for me to come model some of his merchandise at local events, but I was kinda weirded out by that. Heck - it took me 30 minutes just to get in and out of 1 outfit!! LOL

So that was our little adventure in the world of fetish gear. When I dropped off Catherine at my aunts later that night, I suggested she not mention the little German man and the dildo testing. She said she wouldn't even know where to start.



Anonymous said...

Jeez, you make me feel like I lead a REALLY boring life! Thanks for taking me along on this adventure, if only vicariously!

Anonymous said...

If only you had taken pictures to share!!!

Greg Voltaire said...

Question. You say little German man was a pervert, but was it more like actually creepy and a little scary or just funny that a little german guy used the words "anal rings"?

Advizor said...

A great story, it loved every minute of it. I can only imagine Catherine's next "alone time." She would have lots of things to think about, including helping her beautiful and naked cousin snake into and out of a rubber nun's outfit.

I'm sure she'll be having a Jerry Springer moment of her own....

As would all of us if you'd only included some pictures....


Anonymous said...

Wow and WOW! That place sounds like a dream come true...um...cough...for a friend of mine. I'm left wondering who I know that might be able to direct me to this place...

The saddle with the dildo, by the way, was probably a Sybian. It's considered the most amazing vibrator in the world and is quite expensive. Swing clubs and porn studios sometimes have them, as do "serious collectors." I've yet to see one in person, but I hear about them often.

I found your blog just the other day and after this entry I know I certainly will be reading it for a long time to come. Your perspectives and experiences are great! Thanks for the great writing and I look forward to reading more.

Anonymous said...

you should model for them.
get one costume every 4 hours