Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Rabbit Hole: Part 1

Since I told that story about my friend Wanda the Domme, I gave her a call just so we could catch up. She's doing fine and has figured out how to supplement her income in these troubling times. I guess when a stockbroker loses his ass for real, he no longer wants anyone to paddle it for him.

Wanda started this new gig doing BDSM shows at local strip clubs and fetish clubs. She takes a couple of her friends/colleagues to some night spot where she does demonstrations of BDSM techniques including:

Ritual Knot Tying
Candle wax
Knife play
Enemas (yes - enemas for fun)
Rubber/latex fashion
Electrocution (???!!!)

Wow. Being around Wanda is sometimes like being on another planet. Anyway, we were talking and the subject of bachelorette parties came up. Trina has to host a bachelorette party for a friend of hers, and we were planning on hitting the local adult boutique, which is little more than an X-rated Spencers. When I mentioned this, Wanda was like, "Unh-unh. I will tell you the perfect place to visit. Write this down and tell them I sent you..."

Well, she gave us directions to this place called the "Rabbit Hole." It's not listed in any phone book, or even the internet. All we had was a name and an address. So last weekend, Trina, my cousin Catherine, and myself decided to go on an adventure to buy cherry flavored condoms, penis straws, handcuffs, and glow-in-the-dark body paints. Catherine is my lovely baby cousin who's only 17, but she looks 21. I knew there wouldn't be a problem getting her in to our local boutique, so I didn't think anything of bringing her to the Rabbit Hole.

This place was almost 20 miles towards the city from where we are out in the country. But we didn't exactly find it. Instead, we ended up in this industrial park just off the freeway. So we drove around for a bit and finally parked in front of a storefront with the right number, but a sign that said "Jewelers." We walked up to a locked security screen door and peeked inside. It looked like a jewelry store inside with all the display counters.

A little old lady looked up from behind one of the counters, and buzzed us in. The 3 of us slowly walked in and suspiciously eyed the place. All I could think of was that Wanda had fucked us royally. The woman said "Can I elp you?" in a thick German accent.

I said "Uhhhhhhh... I don't know. We were looking for a place called 'The Rabbit Hole,' but got your address instead. Do you know where it is?"

Suprisingly, her face lit up and she said "Achhhh! Come dis vay!"

[OK - at this point let me just say that I have absolutely NO IDEA how to write with a German accent. Just take it as read that anything this woman says sounds like it came from Ilsa - Shewolf of the SS.]

She leads us behind the counter and into a back room full of desks and filing cabinets. We kinda nod hello to a couple old women stuffing envelopes and continue following the old German lady to a curtain on the other side of the room. She pushes it aside and beckons "Dis vay. Joo meet my husband, ja?"

Well the 3 of us walk past this curtain, and I swear to you ladies and gentlemen - it was just like that moment in Willy Wonka where the kids see the inside of the candy factory for the first time. But instead of candy, there was every single sex toy, adult DVD, porn magazine, and adult costume imaginable. And the Oompa Loompas were replaced by mannequins dressed up in chain mail and nazi uniforms.

The 3 us just sort of huddled together for comfort. Looking around, it was quite obvious that we were in the dildo aisle. The walls and shelves near the curtained entrance were covered from floor to ceiling in artificial penises. There was every size, shape and color imaginable. It was this particular moment that I became painfully aware that I was standing next to my sweet, innocent, little 17 year old baby cousin.

I turned to Catherine and she was just sort of looking around wide-eyed. I said to her, "Look Catherine... this kind of place is meant for mommies and daddies who love each other very very much."

Trina looked at me and said "Awww leave her alone. She probably knows more about this stuff than either of us." To which, Catherine giggled.

Then a short, white-haired man appeared out of no where and asked us in a very thick German accent, "Ach! Oww can I elp joo ladies?"

Let me tell you, it's very disconcerting to be totally surrounded by giant rubber pricks, talking to a man who looks like he should be making shoes instead of selling dildoes, while trying to shield the eyes of your underaged cousin.

And what happens next will have to wait because I'm late for work! Sorry to leave you hanging, but I gotta go make a living.



Advizor said...

I can't wait to hear more, with all of the intrigue in finding the place, the fake store front and German sweatshop ladies, you have to finish the story.

Year's ago my friend sent his son out to California to work for the summer so I let him stay with me for the summer. Nice kid from small town Arizona. 1 girlfriend, no sex, no anything, he claimed, and I believed him.

We were driving around town and he saw a sex shop, a mild one, and asked me to take him in. Needless to say that my little boy scout didn't make it past the first 10 feet of the shop and he about died when I saw a friend of mine buying porn and went to go talk to him.

His dad and i teased him about it for years.

Tell us more1

mommasboy said...

Germans make the best hardcore bdsm porn on the planet. Not so sure about the nazi paraphernalia, I think that would have bothered me, but I wouldn't put it past me to ask one of the old german braods to help me try on a gates of hell.

H said...

Being German but having lived in the UK for too long, I know the type of sex shop you refer to from back home (and partially the UK).

My experience has however always been to get find the cheapest toys online and check out reviews - but well, then again I am German.

Regarding one of the former comments I really cannot find much in German BDSM porn and think that some of the UK and US Mistresses have much better ideas on their websites than I ever managed to find in Germany.

Tom Moran said...

Does Catherine have a boyfriend? :)

And before you call me a disgusting old perv, keep in mind that I wasn't the one who took her to the dildo store. So there. Nyah. :-Þ