Tuesday, April 5, 2011

April Fools

Well so much for my Aprils Fools day prank on you guys. So what gave it away? I was wondering if throwing in a problem with Derek as well made it over the top. Of course I didn't count on the more resourceful of you to immediately hit the internet and look for news on another massage parlor bust in SE PA.

Good job! Next time I'll keep it more subtle - maybe claim I'm pregnant from a customer's errant cum shot. Now which one of you guys claimed I must have been turning tricks for $250? Really dude? Can't a girl just get busted in peace and quiet?

Anyway, you're not the only guys pranked on Friday. Trina told me that during the day shift Maude was expecting a new girl to come in for an interview. She was naturally upset that Audrey thought we needed the help. When Maude announced that the new girl was here, she stepped outside and then returned wearing a blond wig - claiming she was going to start offering massages under the name of "Sheila." Hell - I didn't know she had a sense of humor!

My taste in pranks is a little more involved. Friday morning I pretended to fall down the stairs at Derek's place. When he was in the bathroom, I let out a blood curdling scream, then jumped up and down on the stairs a few times. When he ran out of the bathroom he found me as a bloody mess on the bottom of the stairs. I had actually practiced unnatural poses in front of a mirror and settled on the most disturbing one. Then with the help of a fake blood pack I had purchased on the internet last month, I transformed myself into the worst "accident within the home" Derek had ever seen.

What can I say - that bitch screamed like a little baby! I let him poke and coddle me enough until he was convinced I was dead before I said "boo." 10 out of 10 for mean. 1000 out of 10 for funny.

Meanwhile Cindy tried to get me with her annual "I think I'm pregnant" scare. But I have to give her credit because this time she so far as to produce a pee stick with an actual positive. Turns out she got it from a friend of hers and actually saved it just to try to get me. Nice try.

Trina has NO sense of humor for pranks. So I think that's why it's so much funnier when people pull them on her. My hats off to Maude for her joke! It saved me the hassle of trying to get her myself.

Speaking of pranks at work, the best one ever was from the first parlor I worked at. One of the girls had a birthday either on or close to April 1. Well, one of the other girls did a collection and got her a male stripper. To make it more interesting, they had him dressed up as a cop. But instead of the old "you're under arrest for parking tickets" routine, he came in screaming at the top of his lungs "THIS IS A RAID!"

Now if you really look at a stripper cop, you can tell that it's not a real uniform. But in the dim lights of the old place, and the hysteria created whenever anyone yells "THIS IS A RAID" I think half the girls pissed their pants - even though they were in on it. So after a few seconds, he finds the birthday girl and switches back to his "you're under arrest" routine then starts ripping off his velcro clothes. You should have seen the look on her face!! But that fact that she actually peed herself made it priceless.

Then to make things more interesting, after the strip show and the customary lap dances for each of us, he tells the guest of honor that he has a special birthday "favor" for her. Turns out that we had ordered a FULL SERVICE stripper with a side order of cunnilingus. The birthday girl politely turned him down, but the girl who called the stripper place was more than happy to collect. I guess this kind of stuff happens all the time with male strippers.

Well, I hope you guys still appreciate my little attempt at humor. Next year I'll zing you good.

CJ

9 comments:

MelissaBlade said...

THank God CJ! I was about 90 % sure it was a prank but worried just a bit. Glad to know the cops aren't cracking down on these parlors.

Anonymous said...

Ok, you gotta clue us in on the whole April Fools thing a little faster next time... Day 1, I was like, yeah, this is an April Fools... Day 2... Ok, why hasn't she said April Fools! yet?... Day 3... I hope this is really an April Fools! Day 4... Shit, I'm gonna miss this blog. Day 5... CJ! How dare you do this to us!

SirFWALGMan said...

I think it was the tone of your post.. not very convincing. If you drew it out a little... maybe told a story.. but it was too quick and did not sound real.

Snowglare said...

I'd blame the fact that you didn't place a title on the post that gave it away for me 0-:) that and i was just fooled on another blog.

Thrush said...

Whew. I thought the same thing as MelissaBlade, it was probably a joke, but after a few days of no posts I was worrying.

Advizor54 said...

if i hadn't gotten suckered in by another prank to remind me of the day, it might have worked, but still, the first few lines my my heart jump a bit.

Dr. Michael said...

I'm all for a good prank, but am I the only one who thinks it's cruel to have your loved one think that you're dead?

Anonymous said...

Cj, very glad it was just a prank! You've undoubtedly considered this, but if you are ever actually raided, you probably wouldn't want to tell us until some much later date, otherwise it would be trivial for someone here to link the blog to you!

Stay safe :-)
Xoxoxo

JD said...

Jeeze CJ! I can't believe that prank you played on your boyfriend! That would have scared me half to death!